Burying herself in Division probably wasn't the best solution, yet it momentarily stopped Alex's thoughts. She couldn't believe Sean was considering leaving everything and everybody. A Navy Seal was actually thinking about giving up his mission and running away from danger. So what, he manages to get her, his sister, and everyone else he wanted to escape with him, but then he goes back to the Seals when his leave was up. That didn't make any sense. Nothing Sean was doing made any sense. It made Alex want to scream.

She shouldn't, however. She had to hold herself together. Sean could do whatever he wanted. Alex didn't care. That was a lie. His actions affected her deeply. But she wouldn't allow herself to drown in that heavy stress and dark thoughts. Other issues were more important. Nothing really was far more important than Sean, especially when he appeared to be going through a crisis. But Alex couldn't spend her energy on figuring that out. Division was also in a crisis, and she couldn't stretch herself between two different things. She had to focus on the stuff she could control- on the things that didn't make her head spin and her heart jolt.

"What's going on?" Alex asked Nikita as she rushed around the weapons' locker. The young woman had walked into a hectic Ops after she stormed away from Sean. The agents were preparing for a new operation, hurrying to do so in a timely manner. It didn't seem too horrific, however, unlike their past missions. Nikita was mostly grabbing nonlethal weapons, stuff she would use to diffuse a situation rather than wage a battle. Even with her arm in a sling, Alex could easily join on the mission. She could be active, which meant her thoughts couldn't wander.

"Owen's back. Either he's in trouble, or he's being an idiot. I'm going with both," Nikita sighed, securing her Kevlar lined jacket. Shadownet had picked up Owen tripping the silent alarm at a bank. Ryan had instantly labeled him as their next Dirty Thirty, yet Nikita knew something else was going on. The bank Owen 'robbed' was the same bank where he used to keep the black box he guarded. He wouldn't return without a reason. He could be sending a message out to the team; since the last time he had called them, they were still fighting Percy. There was a chance he didn't know what was going on. The team had to help him.

"What's the plan?" Once Nikita had explained what she thought, Alex began to reach for weapons as well. Of course she would help bring Owen in. He had been a great help to the team, securing them black boxes and gathering information. Yes, his time with Gogol wasn't great. And Alex had never met him, so she didn't know what he was like besides what she heard from stories. But Owen was still a part of their team. He, just like everyone else, deserved to be safe.

"We're going to go pick him up, and probably interrogate him to see where he's been. You stay here and get some rest," Gently, Nikita made Alex put down the weapons. It wasn't difficult when her dominant arm was in a sling. Nikita appreciated that the young woman wanted to help, but they could make do without her that mission. Only a handful of agents were even going to collect Owen. Alex was allowed to stay and continue healing from her gunshot wound. Her torn muscles were finally beginning to mend. She didn't have to be active all the time. It would be alright if she sat out one mission to take care of herself.

Despite how gentle and reassuring Nikita was, Alex didn't believe her. She knew the agent was right about the operation; Michael, Nikita, and the Alpha team could handle Owen just fine on their own. Alex simply didn't believe that everything would be alright. Her thoughts definitely weren't as she wandered around Division, desperately attempting not to think about Sean. She didn't understand him. How could a Seal walk away from a mission. How could a brother break a promise to his sister. What the hell was going through his mind.

It wasn't that difficult of a question to figure out. Alex knew Sean was spiraling, beyond worried after she was shot and Nikita was injured. Yet she had witnessed him shot before and didn't consider abandoning everything. Nikita had seen her brother get hurt countless times, yet she was still going. Leaving wasn't the answer. Sure, Alex could admit that things needed to change around Division. But that didn't mean they had to leave everyone behind just to protect themselves. What kind of heroes would that make them.

They had to use the power they had gained for good. The team had to help those who couldn't help themselves. Alex knew that was the smart decision, even though a part of her wanted to run away with Sean. She wanted to be with him- just not like that. She had to shake the thought away. Dwelling over it made her feel so useless and out of control. The clear choice didn't seem all that clear. Alex wasn't sure what she was really supposed to do.

The only time she was able to make herself stop thinking was when Owen was brought into Division. Apparently, he hadn't known the team had taken over Division and freaked in the field. He almost hurt the agents, until Michael tased him. Nikita didn't like that, but it made it easier to transport Owen back to Division. Ryan ordered that they should put him in an interrogation room, and have Alex ask him where he had been and what his intentions were. It'd be best if someone Owen didn't know questioned him, then he couldn't freak out even more.

Needing to move off the topic of Sean, Alex jumped at the chance to help her team. She didn't prepare as much as she should've for the interrogation. She just wanted to start the action and move things along. She was also only talking to Owen. He was one of their allies. He would open up without a problem. They would clear up the whole mess and be on their way. The team needed more help in taking down the Dirty Thirty.

Talking to Owen wasn't that easy, however. His mind was somewhere else entirely. He kept asking about Nikita and Amanda, and he wondered how Alex was able to remember everything about her past. She had no idea how to respond to him. His rambling was making her just as confused as Sean was. It wasn't until Nikita burst into the room that anything was made clear. Owen admitted that Gogol had thrown him into a Russian prison, until someone broke him out. When asked who that was, he didn't hesitate to answer, "It's Amanda. She sent Ann to capture me. She wants something, and she's not afraid to do whatever it takes to get it."

Amanda was bound to pop back up on Division's radar. The team didn't believe that after she had disappeared with Ari and a black box, she'd remain silent. After all, she had reached out to agents listed on the black box before- Martin and Ann were only two examples of that. Amanda was definitely planning something awful. She wasn't done trying to gain power. And apparently, the team wasn't done trying to stop her.

Owen suggested that Amanda could be after a cryptographic key he had hidden. With that technology, she could hack into anything she wanted. In her hands, that key would be absolutely catastrophic. So, Nikita, Michael, and the Alpha team geared up once more to grab the key first. Although Owen continued to be somewhere else mentally, he was brought along to direct them to the cryptograph. Alex, on the other hand, was forced to stay behind once again. She understood the decision- she did. She simply hated it.

That horrific feeling became even worse after the mission. Alex should've been there to help the agents. As Owen found the key, Amanda and her army arrived. That was right- Amanda had an army of former Gogol and rogue Division agents. She had really leant into the supervillain motif. The Alpha team barely made it out alive, especially Owen. Ann attempted to drug him and drag him back to Amanda. Fortunately, Ann failed. Nikita was able to rush to her friend and help him. However, the team failed as well. During the chaos, Amanda made off with the cryptograph. She had what she needed to destroy the world.

What exactly her goal was, the team had no idea. At least one of Amanda's agents was left behind. He was unconscious but alive. Once he woke, they could torture him for information. Alex wanted to be useful with that. She had been cooped up, frightfully worried about Sean, about what Amanda was planning, and about the disaster in the field. She wasn't able to help or control anything regarding those. The world was probably falling apart because she couldn't help with her stupid arm in a sling. There had to be something she could do. There had to be a way where she could be useful and in control.

Before Alex even had a chance to interrogate Amanda's agent and set things right, things fell apart for the team once more. The agent never gained consciousness. Medical couldn't understand why. After a long while of nothing, they decided to operate on the agent. As soon as they cut into the agent, however, everything went wrong. Inside the man's body was a pouch of Sarin gas. Upon cutting it, the toxic fumes filled the air. The Med staff attempted to stop it from spreading, yet it was too late for them. Everyone in the room was killed.

Division had no time to mourn or even be in shock. As the news of the tragedy rippled through the ranks, Amanda suddenly appeared on the monitors. She was already taking her new cryptograph for a spin. She threatened Division, told them it was better to give up then to fight for their pardons, then disconnected the feed. Whereas Birkhoff and Sonya instantly began to trace Amanda's message, and Ryan, Michael, and Nikita began to shout orders, Alex stood still. All the action should've made her thoughts stop. Instead, they were as loud as ever.

Maybe Sean was right in leaving. With Amanda scheming against them, Division was prone to more attacks. If the team didn't stop her soon, they would only be in increasing danger; a lot of them might die. Alex wouldn't have been so pessimistic about that if she knew she could do something about it. But with her stupid busted shoulder and her jumbled thoughts, she had no control or say in the matter. Everything was falling apart and she didn't have the power to fix it.

Wandering through Medical after the initial cleanup, Alex attempted to find something she could do. She could help clean. She could help plan. She didn't have to keep thinking about how Amanda planned on killing them, or what the bitch was going to do with Owen and the Cryptograph, or how much Sean would be of help- if only he wasn't freaking out as well. Contemplating all of that would only make her anxiety skyrocket. Alex had to get her emotions under control. That shouldn't have been impossible either. Yet, as she stumbled down the hall, she ran right into Sean. Her breath nearly stopped, "Sean? What are you doing here?"

"You haven't been answering my calls, and I heard there was an attack. I was worried," Tersely, Sean replied. He shouldn't have been surprised that neither Alex nor Nikita told him there had been an attack. They wouldn't answer his calls and texts about how sorry he was, so of course it was Michael who informed him of what happened. He also claimed the only casualties were the staff inside Medical, but Sean didn't quite believe him. He had to hurry to Division and check it out for himself.

"It's okay. I was nowhere near the attack," Alex forced a smile. It wasn't okay. Amanda got the better of them, Owen was spiraling over lost memories, Nikita was already stretched thin between helping her friend and stopping the bitch, and Sean hadn't been there to help. Why wasn't he there to help. Alex could've used him to help calm down. Her thoughts could've been clear enough for her to figure out a way to be useful. With him as her solid ground, she could find a way to gain control. They could work together to be effective members of their team.

"See! This is what I'm fucking talking about. It's too dangerous to stay. My mother asked me to supervise Division cleanup a year ago. Nothing has happened since. This hellhole is still going, people are still in danger, it's never going to end! My mother died because of this place! I almost lost you and Nikki multiple times to this hellhole. I shouldn't have to take it anymore! No one should. We have to leave," Sean unloaded onto Alex. Hurt and anguish and fear sparked darkly in his hazel eyes; it choked his voice. He was intense and frantic and sincere. If they didn't leave, then he might die.

Alex had no idea how to respond. She knew staying in Division was practically a death sentence. Except, that was exactly why she had to stay. All those agents who had to keep fighting to be free couldn't be abandoned. They faced attack after attack. It wouldn't be fair to leave them alone; they had to be saved too. If Alex left, then it'd be with everybody. She couldn't leave people to their deaths again, not when she had the power to protect them.

Except, there was Sean standing in front of her, pleading with her to run away with him. Alex wanted to follow wherever he led. She wanted to take his hand and be whisked away far from her troubles. He could help her ensure she had a happy life. Even if the world didn't work like that, the two could try together. All Alex had to do was step forward. She could believe it'd be that easy. Sean certainly thought it was. He closed the distance between them and kissed her harshly, "I love you. And if you love me too, you'd come with me."

Sean didn't wait for Alex's response. He walked away, expecting her to follow. She really wanted to. She wanted to run off into oblivion with him. But her feet wouldn't move. She was rooted in her spot, destruction laying around her. If she left with Sean, who would be the person to fix the mess Division was in. Then wasn't the time to abandon everybody. She was needed. She could save people. She had that power. If only her arm wasn't stuck in that fucking sling.

Stomping towards a deserted Medical room, Alex knew of one surefire way to give herself control. She knew how to make her thoughts finally stop bombarding her. She knew how to make her shoulder stop hurting so she could remove the sling. And she knew how she could be of service to her team and to Division. No one else would be killed. No one else would get hurt. Amanda would be stopped, Owen would be helped, and the day would be saved. All Alex had to do was take pain medicine. She just had to pop pills, and everything would be alright. It would all be okay with the drugs.