Allison Illuminated

6/10/22

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MOTHER OF VAMPIRES

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Bella Swan sat in the airport. She had a cactus. In the moment where she saw Him for the first time, these two detail rather seemed to be the only relevant details about her life, which was, all things considered, an uninteresting and depressing one, or perhaps all there really was to say about her at all. Bella clutched her little cactus and blushed like an idiot in the single terminal of the Port Angeles Airport as He sat down next to her.

He was blond and gorgeous and cold, which she discovered when he took up her hand and gave her a courteous kiss. She wondered, passingly, if his teeth were sharp (the thought seemed perfectly normal, as would many things in the coming days that might have alarmed her in Phoenix).

When he let her hand go, Bella stroked the needles of her cactus with an absent touch.

"Hi," he said.

"Wow," Bella said.

He laughed, and it was the brightest and most excellent sound that she had ever heard. Heat rose to her cheeks, and her tummy turned in the most delightful way, and in all of her seventeen years (Bella never quite managed to find this particular fact appropriately disturbing), Bella had never reacted to anyone as she had to him. Before, she had simply assumed that she was a bland, sexless hag who would never find love. Now it was quite obvious she was waiting for him (Bella was supposed to be waiting for Charlie Swan, her father, to pick her up in his police cruiser).

"I have to say, Isabella," he said, mirth etched into the chiseled corners of his alabaster face, "that you are even more exquisite than I could have ever dreamed. It is truly an honor to meet you, darling."

"Can I marry you?" Bella blurted out.

He gave her a fond smile. "Wouldn't you like to know my name first?"

"Oh," she said, almost disappointed. That did seem important, although nothing seemed quite as important as the answer to her question. Bella shifted impatiently. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Carlisle Cullen."

"Carlisle."

That was a good name. That was a really good name. Bella liked the name Carlisle. Bella really, really liked the name Carlisle but she liked the name Cullen even better than she liked the name Carlisle. Cullen felt like a sigh; Cullen felt like coming home. Isabella Cullen, Bella thought, a piece of her soul slipping into place. Oh, yes, that's right. That's what I've always been missing.

Carlisle watched Bella stare at him with a certain affection, a soft haze of regret crinkling the skin at the corner of his eyes. Leaning in, he drew an ice-cold finger down the side of her face. "I was worried that coming to meet you at the airport like this would scare you, but my daughter insisted," he murmured, tilting Bella's chin up. His eyes were yellow. "I understand now. You aren't going to remember very much of your human life once you become immortal, are you, darling?"

Bella shifted closer, their knees bumping together, and raised her own hand to touch his face, a powerful warmth thrilling within her at the awe she inspired on his lips. She acted on pure instinct. She had never felt human, herself. Always on the outside, at odds with her flesh and bones. He would fix that, for her. Make her what she had always been.

"No," Bella whispered reverently. "I don't think I will."

:

Later that night, when Bella had firmly ensconced herself in her room and Charlie had stepped out to buy himself a pack of beer, she buried her face in her pillow and screamed.

"WHY THE FUCK DID I ASK HIM TO MARRY ME?!"

:

So she was crazy. That was cool. Cool cool cool.

Bella had always known that Renee would drive her off the deep end, sooner or later.

"Hi! I'm Alice Cullen!" Alice said cheerfully, because Alice was in her room and Charlie hadn't seemed to notice or care. "I'd say it was a good morning, but given that everything I see her is an absolute FASHION EMERGENCY and I'm pretty sure that if Auntie Esme saw your wallpaper she would cry, I'll spare you the trouble of lying to you and say that we are going shopping this weekend, whether you like it or not." Alice bared her teeth at Bella, looking for a moment like a snarling beast, then beamed at her and bounced over to the cactus. Bella shrank deeper into her covers. "Oh, wow, a cactus! You're even more adorable than I thought you would be. You're so cute. Can I give you a hug?"

Bella stared at Alice. Alice drooped in disappointment, looking for all the world like a sad baby puppy, her perfect pixie features etched in the most devastating grief. It was, quite possibly, the most awful thing that Bella had ever seen, and she scrambled to fix her mistake.

"Um," she said. "Yeah, dude. I- I mean, I'm still in bed, with my… pajamas and all, and I don't really know how you got into my room, or why Charlie hasn't tried to take out his shotgun, but… Hug away, I guess?"

Alice squealed in delight and flung herself at Bella. All of the air left Bella's lungs in a startled oof. The two girls tumbled back into Bella's bed, and after a moment, Bella laughed at the sheer absurdity of it all, wrapping her arms around Alice and holding her tight.

"Hey," Bella said softly, running her fingers up into Alice's spiky hair. Alice purred. Alice purred? "I'm here now. You can have as many hugs as you need."

"I've been waiting so long to meet you." Alice's lip trembled. "I'm sorry. I couldn't wait, please don't be mad at me."

Bella rolled her eyes. "If you were clairvoyant enough to know I was coming, then there's no way you don't already know that I wouldn't be mad about something like that, dude. C'mon. Give me a little credit, you did break into my room at seven o'clock in the morning."

"Oh," Alice whispered. "You're perfect."

It was a particularly confusing situation for Bella, who didn't know the protocol for hugging a child who clearly was not human, especially in a trespassing situation that probably wasn't ethical somehow, so Bella leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Alice's head. Alice gasped happily, purring a little louder.

"I'm a little confused, Alice," Bella whispered to the girl in her arms. "I feel like we're doing this all out of order, and I'm still not sure what's going on, or what you and your family even are. What I'm going to be. But it doesn't even feel like it matters. Because I'm pretty sure that I love you, which is confusing. You see how that's confusing, right?"

"It makes sense to me," Alice said.

"That's not what I asked, Alice," Bella pushed fondly.

Alice deflated a little. "I am a little surprised at how well you're taking it. Most humans would have been concerned by, well, the whole airport ambush – that was my idea too, you know-" Alice preened at Bella, adorably proud of her self-confessed stalking, and Bella couldn't help but coo at Carlisle's daughter; Carlisle's daughter; Carlisle's daughter. Oh. Bella sighed happily and hugged Alice a little closer. "Oh, good, and you've figured it out," Alice said. "That's good. You're not exactly human, are you?"

"I'm not?"

"Of course not. You've always been Intended. That's not exactly conducive to a normal human life, Mother. They're born, they live, they die." Alice pulled back to give Bella a pearly, toothy smile. "Normal humans can't do the last two at the same time like us."

"Living and dying?" Bella echoed.

"Exactly. Isn't existence so much easier once you get rid of that messy intermediate stage?" Alice asked. "Living and dying are so pedestrian once you've figured out how to Be."

"Woah," Bella said, nodding as though that had made any sense. "I have no idea what we're talking about."

Alice awed. "You're so cute. I can't wait for you to meet the rest of us."

There had never been a moment in her life (save her encounter with her Angel in the airport) where Bella had felt such peace. Warm contentment suffused her entire body; it was rightness, a simplicity that made the rest of her life into a tangle mess. Alice needed her comfort, needed reassurance after a wait that could have lasted centuries. And Bella needed that comfort too, although she scarcely understood why. She needed Alice's happiness. She would do anything for it, for Alice, for the little girl (Bella was seventeen) wrapped up in her arms.

"I'm here," Bella crooned.

Tears of venom pooled in Alice's eyes. "Finally."

:

"Wait a second… MOTHER?!"

"I thought you figured it out! You said all the right things and everything!"

"Alice Cullen!"

"Eep! Sorry! Gotta go to school!"

:

Bella picked at her eggs, sighing as she watched the time. Charlie sipped his coffee.

"Hey, Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"If I wanted to become, let's say…" Bella tapped her cheek with a curious index finger. "...a brood mother for a hive of immortal blood sucking monsters, would you support me? I'm just asking. Academically, you know. Cause I'm pretty sure that Mom wouldn't care but, y'know, it'd be nice if I had your approval."

"Hm." Charlie stared gruffly at the table. "Would there be boys?"

Bella blinked owlishly at her father. Carlisle wasn't a boy, he was a man; and her man too, at that, so he would never get her pregnant. She couldn't be certain what being a brood mother for a hive of immortal blood sucking monsters would entail, of course, but surely Charlie would understand if she was wrong. Charlie would make a great granddaddy. Maybe he would even like Alice!

"No, Daddy," Bella said. "No boys."

"Oh. Well, that's alright, then, I suppose. Just make sure you don't have sex until you're thirty."

Bella picked at her eggs, humming happily as she watched the time. Charlie sipped his coffee.

:

Edward Cullen met her in the parking lot.

"Hello, Isabella," Edward said. "I can't hear your thoughts."

Bella stepped forward and wrapped Edward into a tight hug, smiling into his chest when Edward stiffened in surprise, letting out an involuntary purr. Just like Alice. All of these kids are touch starved. She would fix that.

"That's probably for the best," Bella said cheekily, smirking up at Edward. This way you won't have to hear all the dirty things I'm thinking about your father."

Edward choked on his own spit.

"Of course, if that's a surprise, then I guess you'll probably still be able to hear all the things your father is thinking about me…"

"Mother!" Edward hissed a little too loudly. Mike Newton, who had been eagerly waiting at the door to hit on the new girl, shot Bella and Edward a disgusted look and ran away into the building. By lunch the entirety of Forks High would be mildly disturbed by the enigma that was Bella Swan (soon to be Isabella Cullen, mother of five).

Bella laughed, overwhelmed by the lightness of her spirit. "I don't know your name yet, sweetheart," she said fondly. "Are you Edward or Jasper? I know you couldn't be Emmett, Alice said Emmett is huge."

"This is so wrong," Edward said, staring at Bella with a certain fascinated horror.

Edward, then. Bella giggled, patting his cheek. "Come on, then," she said. "Son. Aren't you going to give me a tour of the school?"

"We're all going to hell for this," Edward mumbled.

Then he proceeded to do just that.

:

Five pairs of golden yellow eyes stared across the cafeteria table at Bella Swan. One Isabella Swan (soon to be Cullen) stared right back.

"So…" Bella said, awkwardly trying to insert her straw into her cup. "Who wants to explain to me what exactly is going on?"

Four bouts of silence. Alice let out a tiny, delighted squeak.

Bella raised an eyebrow at Alice.

"Okay, you have to look at the facts, Bella," Alice said hurriedly; she must have remembered Bella's earlier irritation at her slip of the tongue. "First, you let Edward walk you to all of your classes and you spent Biology asking him about, of all things, how his piano lessons have been going for the last decade-"

"I haven't taken piano since the 1940s," Edward said in a haunted tone, still shell-shocked.

Immediately Bella had no choice but to protest Edward's dour lack of confidence. "But you sound so talented, Edward," she said effusively. "I can't wait-"

"Moving on!" Emmett snickered; Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Then you walk into the lunch room, take one look at the room, knowing quite well, I may add, that sitting with us might as well be social suicide-"

"I believe that ship sailed when Edward called Bella 'Mommy' in front of half the school," Jasper noted.

Edward choked. "I did not."

"It's true," Bella commiserated. "He only called me Mother in front of Michael Newton. I'm sure it was an honest mistake."

"You were talking about having sex with our father-"

"There's no need to be dramatic, Edward," Bella scolded gently, offering Edward an expression of disapproval as Edward descended into his hysterics. Truly, the boy could get so wrapped up in his own mind. How long had it been since he'd had someone to bring him back down to earth?

"-who you've only met, might I emphasize, ONCE!"

The tile floor of the cafeteria cracked when Emmett fell off his seat, roaring in laughter. Jasper and Rosalie were both snickering, although each tried to hide it in their own way, and Bella's heart melted at the quiet smile Rosalie shot her when the rest weren't looking. Everyone else in the cafeteria stared at them like they'd all grown two heads, as nobody at Forks High had ever seen the Cullens so rowdy.

"I was justified!" Edward said. "I was in emotional distress!"

"See!" Clambering onto her chair, which brought her up nearly to Emmett's height, Alice leveled an accusatory finger directly at Bella. "You're taking this way too well! I expected you to run away screaming and going, 'Ah! Oh! Help me, I'm being inducted into a cult!' but instead you're- you're-"

"Going along with it?"

"Yes! Why?"

"Because I'm your mother," Bella said.

Alice blinked at Bella, who kept her face absolutely blank. "Huh. Okay." And Alice hopped off of her seat and sat back down next to Bella, snuggling into Bella's side. Bella wrapped an arm around her stony shoulders. "I'm glad you're here," Alice sad happily. "Welcome to the family."

"…That's it?" Edward mumbled. That earned him a smack upside the head from Emmett.

"Welcome home, Ma," Emmett said, beaming.

Bella beamed right back.

At his side, Jasper had stared off very hard into the distance, where one Jessica Stanley, frozen in place, had begun to work herself into a panicked and mildly aroused frenzy under his vacant gaze. "Mother does show several signs of being an abnormally excellent candidate for cult induction," he mused.

"Why thank you, Jasper," Bella said. "May I have your lunch?"

Jasper gave an absent nod and pushed his red tray toward Bella. Bella tugged the chicken tenders in between the other three red trays she had pilfered from her children, and happily tucked in to her meal, two other plates of chicken tenders lying mostly uneaten on either side.

Edward's eye twitched. "Are you even trying to pretend like you have a problem with this?" he demanded. "You clearly can see we aren't eating. We aren't drinking. Every two minutes Jasper tries to smell your neck, and you let him." Caught red handed, Jasper froze halfway between his chair and Bella's; Bella tittered, and Alice rolled her eyes at her husband. "We want to eat you, not the chicken tenders. Our three-hundred year old father wants to take you as his child bride. Several immortal creatures of the night, all of whom are several decades older than you, are calling you mother and you're, what, letting them?"

"I'm eating my son's chicken tenders," Bella said through a mouthful of chicken tenders.

"He's not your son!"

Jasper drooped. Devastated by the sight, Bella immediately drew Jasper closer to her, neck exposed for better access. When Jasper licked her carotid artery, Bella patted him in approval. Then she whipped her glare on Edward. "Edward Cullen, you apologize to your brother immediately! If Jasper wants to adopt the stray girl from the airport as his mother, then that is his right and you can butt right out of our relationship!"

"You can't adopt mothers," Edward hissed. "You adopt children. And Mother is a child."

"Think you tripped yourself up there, buddy," Emmett said gleefully.

"Aw, you guys are already so cute," Alice said.

Rosalie reached over and yanked down hard on Edward's ear. "Edward Cullen, you apologize to Carlisle's mate right now or so help me God-"

"Thanks, Mama," Jasper whispered. Bella kissed his forehead.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Forgive me for being the only one who cares whether the human is making good choices or not!"

"I'm not human," Bella informed Edward.

Edward fixed Bella with a flat gaze. He gestured to the three trays of chicken tenders, which were each covered in nibble marks, not a single tender finished. What's wrong with my chicken tenders? Bella wondered protectively. All these chickens died, how could I not eat all of them! It's egalitarian! "Then what are you?"

"I'm, um…" Bella looked at Alice, who shrugged. Traitor. "Better," Bella finished lamely.

"Of course you are, sweetie," Alice said.

Edward bashed his head against the table, leaving a small dent. Emmett chuckled. "I have to say," he said, "I didn't know what to expect when we all felt the bond snap into place, but this, this is way better. Never change, Ma."

"Until we turn you into a vampire," Rosalie agreed cheerfully.

Bella smiled and nodded. "I don't plan on changing, Emmett, don't worry- wait, what."

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"YOU GUYS ARE VAMPIRES?"

:

"It's happened, Mom," Bella announced to her phone. "I've finally gone insane."

Renee gave a great big sigh of agreement. "I know," she commiserated. "I can't stand the weather in Forks either. All that rain… Ugh. At least in Florida when it rains I can feed our alligator."

"I'm going to be the vampire bride to an Anglican pastor from the 1600's and raise our five adopted children."

"That's nice, honey."

"How did you get an alligator?"

"Oh, we stole it from the neighborhood pond and keep it in the guest room!" Renee said in a chipper voice, cheering up when the topic of conversation wasn't her daughter anymore. "It turns out that Ali – that's what we named the alligator, Bella, do try to keep up – loves eating whole chickens! Sure, she likes to try and bite our feet when we walk by, but really once she's fed she's such a darling. Worth every penny of Phil's salary."

Bella put her phone on speaker and set it down next to her. She proceeded to bury her face in her hands. "One day, and I'm already a better mom than you are."

"I do mean every penny, Bella," Renee said. "He's only a minor league player, and our grocery bill was huge last month. Do you think your father would let me borrow some money?"

:

"Do you think I have mommy issues?" Bella asked Edward in gym.

"One day, Bella." Edward was on the verge of tears as they passed the basketball back and forth. Bella made sure to give him a warm smile and a thumbs-up every time Edward caught the ball with both hands. For some reason, this gesture of reassurance didn't seem to be helping Edward's agitation. Oh, they would simply have to work on Edward's self-esteem. "I have known you for one day."

"That was a wonderful pass, sweetheart," Bella said when the ball slipped through her fingers, bounced off her hip, and rolled behind the bleachers. "Don't mind me, I'll get it." She tried to turn around and tripped over her own feet. The floor was hard.

"Bella!"

"Ow."

Edward had tears of venom in his eyes as he knelt over her, Bella attempting to push herself up on her elbows in her gym shorts. "How are you alive, Mother?"

Bella offered Edward a shaky smile. It must have reflected her actual feelings more than she had intended, because there was a softening to the sculpture of his face. "I don't know," Bella said quietly. "Sometimes it feels like I haven't lived much at all."

Heartbreak flitted across Edward's expression. He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, taking one of her hands. "Then we'll have to change that, won't we?"

Unable to muster an adequate response, Bella flung herself at Edward. She hugged her son. What was this feeling? Love. She loved him, there was no reason on earth that she should love these creatures, and yet she did. Was this the paranormal? The supernatural that trashy novels so loved to explore? But it was what Bella felt, and Bella loved Edward, and there was nothing better than holding her son, her son, on the greasy sweaty wax of the gymnasium floor.

"I love you, son," Bella whispered, tears leaking from her own eyes too. That was good; better to have a soggy biscuit of a personality than a bland one. "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you all. I'm sorry that I have so many years left ahead of me before I can catch up."

Edward exhaled in an adoring huff. "Don't be," he muttered. "I'm pretty sure you've already got the rest of us beat after a single day."

"Your daddy trained you well?"

"Please never call Carlisle 'daddy' in front of me again. You don't want to know what I hear in these girls' heads."

"You didn't answer my question, sweetheart," Bella cooed, nuzzling into Edward's neck. "Do I have mommy issues?"

Edward gave a full body shudder.

"Cullen! Swan!" From across the gymnasium, the gym coach came jogging with a ruddy complexion so red that Bella couldn't tell if he were furious or simply running a fever. When the coach slammed a foot down on the floor next to them, it became apparent it was anger. Thanks, coach! Bella thought happily for the clarification. It took another stomp for both Bella and Edward to startle and spring apart. "What the HELL do you two lazy excuses for Forks High students think you're doing in my gym?! GET YOUR ASSES UP! WHAT IS THIS, MARRIAGE CAMP? GO HAVE SEX ON YOUR OWN TIME IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF MY CLASS! I HEAR TEEN PREGNANCY GETS YOU OUT OF GYM THESE DAYS!"

"Um, Coach?" Angela called. "Are you saying we should get pregnant?"

The coach turned purple. "NO!" he roared. "Cullen, Swan, don't you DARE get pregnant! Either of you! Now that's an order!"

"I can't get pregnant, sir," Edward said blandly.

Bella blinked innocently at the coach. "I already have five children, do they count?"

"WHAT? YOU WANT TO BACKTALK ME?"

Before anyone else could respond, and before any logical or conscious part of her brain had a chance to stop her, Bella had already pointed a finger at Edward, who stared at her like a deer caught in headlights.

She said it.

"I birthed him."

The gym was silent.

Edward laughed nervously, scratching at the back of his neck. He pulled Bella to her feet at his side. Bella whited out. "You'll have to forgive my mother- uh, I mean- Bella! You'll have to forgive Bella, sir!" Edward slung an arm around Bella's shoulder, and Bella choked in pain at the friendly gesture executed by arms of concrete. "She's clinically insane. Um. It's really bad. We probably should get her institutionalized."

The coach stared. Bella offered him a friendly smile and wave.

"She's going through an adjustment period," Edward added lamely, shrinking away from the sea of eyes watching the trainwreck unfolding before him.

"I see," the coach said.

Bella perked up. "You do?"

:

"That will be a one day suspension, Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan," the principal said. She gave Bella a disappointed look. "I must say, Miss Swan, that as Chief Swan's daughter, I had higher expectations of you than these… shenanigans and rumors that I hear flying around the school. Please come back with discretion, young lady. You've scandalized our best doctor; know that we won't tolerate your hoodlumryfrom Phoenix a day longer!"

Edward and Bella sat next to each other, staring at the floor in opposite directions. Bella felt small. She sniffled. "But I didn't do anything," she whispered.

"We understand, ma'am," Edward said.

He took Bella's hand and guided her out of the classroom, tugged her out of the school building and found a small alcove outside of the front doors. When he opened his arms to her, Bella stepped into them without a second thought. She quietly cried into Edward, rocking back and forth, her brain failing to make sense of her new situation,

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered, tugging on Edward's sleeve. "I don't understand what's happening to me, Edward. I'm not like this."

"I know," Edward soothed.

Bella let out a quiet sob. "I want Carlisle," she said. "Why do I want Carlisle? Why does it hurt? I feel it in my chest, he's gone, I want him there – and you're there too, all of you, and I didn't put you there. I didn't put you there, Edward. I didn't give birth to you. I'm younger than you."

"Give or take a century," Edward whispered, fighting back a smile when Bella sobbed again.

"I didn't give birth to you. You're not mine. You'll never be mine."

"We are. We alwayshave been. We just didn't know it yet – or, erm, well, most of us didn't know it, Alice knew it… and then I knew it because Alice knew it… And Alice can't keep a secret to save her life-"

"Vampires are stupid," Bella sobbed. "You probably get set on fire in sunlight. I'll never get to go to the beach again."

"Actually we sparkle."

"Oh, God." Bella sank down to the concrete sidewalk, raking her fingernails down Edward's chest. Edward had stopped breathing at some point – classic Edward – and when Bella smacked him and took a noisy breath, he started again. It was exaggerated. She laughed. "You sparkle."

"A little," Edward said.

Bella gave him a look.

"Like a disco ball."

"Much better."

"I wouldn't lie to you, Mother."

"No. You wouldn't." Bella found herself in his lap, leaning back against Edward and staring up into the cloudy sky. Edward's fingers stroked soothingly through her hair. "Only tell me the worst truths that I'm not ready to hear yet."

"Nobody's ever ready," Edward murmured, his purr back as Bella snuggled into his rock-hard body. "I wasn't. You aren't either. But we don't get to choose the day when God judges our souls, and you've been offered our eternal escape, Miss Swan. Welcome to Purgatory."

Bella tried to smile through her tears. "I kind of hate Forks."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "Me too."

:

[A/N] Sometimes you wake up one morning and you just want to write four thousand words of utterly ridiculous nonsense. This morning was that morning :). Honestly there's some pretty gnarly awful family illness going on in my life right now so anything that makes me laugh is a win in my book – and today, that looks like writing possibly the campiest Twilight fanfiction on the internet lmao.

Yeah BellaxCarlisle is pure crack haha it's glorious. Everything about Stephanie Meyer's universe is ridiculous and it doesn't take much to show it.

There might be more of this, there might not. Either way, I hope you liked it. Leave me a review to brighten up my day, Lord knows I need some kind of strength right now.

Love, Allie