Ahhhhh, what a pain
What benevolence of agony pressures into reality?
I mean, fuck it all
When ya'll feeling confident that you could handle the situation and endure it? Tolerate it with a great measure of pressure going on your back? Feeling that fucking weight wanting you to fall down into the fucking ground, and maybe into that feeling of abyss?
Yeah, that one.
Sighhhh, death seems really appealing. But its not quite an answer to my questions and solutions though.
But it can get rid to some problems. Although the problem is, the consequences that will happen afterwards.
Problem, is a cycle.
You create it, you make it, you mold it, you make it appear, you destroy it, you make it disappear.
I would sound crazy and all the time bullshit, just mumbling, random fucking words from my mind that should pop up.
But its not entirely wrong.
Everyone has their own perspective.
Like, what is death?
Is it an answer? Will we go to the afterlife? Is there even a afterlife?
One thing for sure, I do not believe in afterlife (purgatory)
I may be a religious person (with faith conflicting to the world's beliefs, but I try my best to not involve much to the world. But the temptations...), but I also have my own code.
Live to your fullest?
The world wouldnt give you that kind of freedom if you think about it.
But anyways, the suffering?
Everything hurts.
Mentally, psychologically, physically, thoughtfully, willfully, spiritually, I think everything within me.
Kill? Not an answer, but its also not a problem.
Once you kill, that blood in your hands? Never goes away.
No matter how much you think of it, how you try to make it go away?
Stays forever within you.
Heart and mind.
Once innocent, turned tainted and corrupted.
Killing with reason may seem susceptible, but it doesnt mean your righteous.
I may sound like a wiseman there, but remember
This 'story' I've put up?
This is just my personality writing.
My feelings.
My thoughts.
My fucking mental perception to everything.
To all those readers out there, this isnt me wanting to gain attention.
This is me warning you folks out there.
This shit, is to warn you all.
The pressure? The disorder within yourself? Everything I've written previously in this... thing, is to make you notice it.
You want to live happily? Dont put that fake ass smile in your face for life.
I hate it.
Happiness? Im good with that.
The joy? Yea.
But the smiles? No, I can feel the fakeness beneath those fucking smiles.
Its like you trying to be happy, but you cant be happy.
Fuckin bullshit.
To all those people out there, if your reading this, smiling with that fakeness behind it?
Fuck you.
Fuck you all.
And by that, I am a hypocrite.
But not in that way.
I blame and complain, to which I just get up and quietly do it.
Showing emotions is easy, but controlling the boiling fucking liquid inside you? Now that, that is tricky.
And that, I get irritated so fucking easily. Agitated, in a way.
And to that, I feel... Empty.
That empty, void emotion that I could feel, nothing.
Huh, Steven's right.
Humans are flawed.
Fearing the unknown is stronger to all humans, to within all of us.
More reasons why I like to become a monster.
A... monster towards humans.
Not really in a murderous way, but more like in a nature, fearful way.
"Humans are monsters, monsters are humans." That sort of thing.
Vice versa.
Plus, its interesting on becoming a monster.
Yeah, the great downside on doing so, but the benefits of being... yourself.
Like, I question people who choose human races in games where you can start off differently.
Humans? Too overused.
But then again, I cant judge them really. We aint all that perfect.
And no, this isnt a fucking suicide note.
I want to make bombs, but I dont know how. I made some poison materials, but I dont think deadly is my style.
Destruction?... Well... maybe.
Maybe a mix to both.
Meh, aint really sure on that.
Thinkin I'm crazy?
Nah man, to those who want to live in a unnatural lifestyle and not knowing or aware with almost everything around you?
Your fucking crazy on that.
Living normally? Meh, sure.
And besides, to that dude with a white mask with bloody patches and a fucking rainbow insignia on it, fuck off.
The chances of that happening on him goes back... Heh.
Anyways,
This? This part I've written wont really be my sane first.
But it will not be my last.
