A/N:
Joy: Hi all! We are so sorry we're late with this upload. Life has been pretty hard. I'm sick again and my mother is in the hospital after suddenly losing sight in one eye a few days ago. Things have been very hectic. That being said, we are finally uploading.
Courtney: Our health (physical and mental) is something we're always going to have to put before anything else we do, so bear with us when that happens.
Joy: even if we'd rather be pushing out good content for you all, speaking of content, we have posted a side scene that takes place between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one on AO3, it hints at a MAJOR spoiler and sneak peek for what's to come. Please go read it if you want a heads-up! [unfortunately, we will not be posting the side scene's here on FFN]
Courtney: We plan to add similar scenes when they come up. Most of the time they'll be scenes we had to cut out of the main story, and other times ones that don't fit but we still wanted to add. Like after this, we'll be uploading some of the Angela & Bella content we had to take out of this chapter. [Again it will only be on AO3 so head over there if you want to read the extra content!]
Joy: yep! Like the car ride, also on the topic of content, our newest story RoM [The Rise of Mercy] will be uploading monthly the prologue and first chapter are out so check that out if you like dark Harry Potter fanfiction!
Courtney: We'd love you to check it out. We Three Witches is our main priority of course, but we'd love to get more readers to it. It's about a female Harry Potter with major trust issues (more than Bella maybe?) who has to learn who to trust to defeat everyone coming up against her. So if you're interested in Hermione being a badass, Draco being a simp, the found family trope, Dumbledore bashing, and political badassery, go check it out
Joy: def more issues than Bella, poor Lilith doesn't have any siblings to love her, at least not yet…oh and don't forget Tom Riddle being Lilith's [female Harry Potter] Parental figure! Go on and check it out! Along with our side story chapters because I promise you those who read the side stories will be informed of certain developments earlier! That's all for now, blessed be!
Courtney: Well, it's not exactly like we're detailing all the major plot spoilers in dot points, haha, but if you read carefully and look between the lines, you may see some massive hints… But yeah, definitely please read RoM it doesn't have enough love yet! and keep an eye out for anything else we post. Enjoy!
Chapter 22
End of My Tether
Monday, March 10th, 2003
I splashed water over my face and glared into the sink. My hands trembled as I gripped the counter and I pretended like my heart wasn't breaking.
He is a dead bastard walking. I should kill him for this.
Blindly reaching for the paper towels, I scrubbed at my face until it was red raw. The bathroom sink was streaked with black and red from my makeup until it looked like blood.
Maybe if I bleed enough I won't feel like my heart is breaking.
I was an idiot. How many times did I have to have my heart broken to realise I couldn't trust anyone?
I thought I'd learnt my lesson with Eliza, but here I was trusting someone I knew would hurt me.
Beautiful.
You're the strongest person I've ever met.
You're mine.
I love you.
Pretty words that went straight to my head.
And like an idiot, I'd believed them. I'd believed him. All because I didn't want to be alone.
I don't plan on ever breaking your heart.
But he did. And he acted like nothing had changed.
You left me for someone else, and you still smile at me like I'm the only one who matters.
I glared at the mirror, at the circles below my eyes, at the makeup smeared and water-streaked across my face. At the tears brimming in my eyes. If anyone walked in now, I knew I'd look like a teenage idiot who just got her heart broken.
I snarled at the mirror. Fuck that.
Anger was easy. It was good. Familiar. I didn't have to worry about making a fool of myself if I was angry.
Because Edward Cullen was not going to be the reason I cried for the first time in centuries, or even looked like I was upset. Fuck. That.
I grabbed my makeup bag and ripped it open. Everything spilled out across the bathroom counter, and I got to work. It was at the start of lunch and I was in the school bathroom on the third floor. I'd come to school prepared to grill him and when I'd seen Edward walk calmly into Study Hall in second period, I'd almost lost it. But it wasn't until after the Study Hall that I'd actually wanted him dead.
Three Hours Earlier
"Good morning, my love." Edward smiled at me with eyes softer than flowers in a meadow. He sat down in the chair next to me and sprawled out, his legs bumping mine. He looked soft, gentle and entirely in love. "I missed you."
His fingers ran lightly over the back of my neck and curled through my pony tail. My body traitorously shivered at his touch. His eyes softened impossibly more. Everything about him screamed that he loved me. And I hated him a little for it.
"You missed me?" I turned to face him slowly.
His smile widened like I'd made a joke. "Of course. How could I not?" His fingers trailed along my jaw to gently grip my chin between his thumb and forefinger so I couldn't turn away. "Did you miss me?"
I ripped my head away and turned back to my textbook. "Now why would I do that?"
He snickered at my acerbic tone. "Are you mad at me, my love?" He leaned forward to boop his head against the side of my face.
"Obviously."
He pulled back a little, hurt flashing across his face. "Why?" Then realisation set in on his face and he pouted a little. "Is it because I didn't message you? I'm sorry, love, really. But the boys broke my phone over the weekend. I'd have sent a carrier pigeon if I thought you needed it."
I sent him a glare. "Then I guess you missed my message when I said we need to talk. Or is this all a lie and you're just an idiot who can't get his facts straight?"
He grinned like the fool he was. "I'm just an idiot for you, Bella Swan."
I scoffed in disgust. Did he really think that would work? He ghosted me for three days, and he thinks he can just walk back in and everything's fine?
"If you want to talk though, how about we head out to the forest now?" he asked, a sly grin growing on his face. "We can talk all you like there.
There is no way I'm fucking you again until you tell me where the fuck you were, and why you didn't care to pick up even a random phone to tell me. I glared at him as he grinned blindly back. Three fucking days I spent not knowing whether you were dead, or if you'd just abandoned me. I had to learn from your fucking brother that you'd gone to visit your cousins up north. So you'd better have a good fucking excuse for why you ditched me after sex for your fucking cousins.
But before I could say any of that—or just slap him—his phone rang. It was a video call.
Edward answered with a grin and a gorgeous blonde popped into the frame yelling, "Eddie!"
He snorted. "I saw you last night, Tanya. Don't act like it's been years."
"But I missed you," she purred, batting her eyes. "I had such fun with you over the whole weekend. Aren't I allowed to miss my favourite cousin?"
What. The. Fuck.
When Jasper had come by this morning to pick up Alice for school, I'd subtly asked him about Edward. I hadn't wanted to let anyone know I was worried or that he'd left me right after sex, but I'd had to know if he was alright. And without a worry in the world, he'd said Edward had gone to visit his cousins for the weekend and would be back by second period.
It had only served to confuse me, and I'd come to school determined to grill him within an inch of his life. But now I was ready to kill. I just didn't know who I wanted dead more; Edward the lying bastard, or Tanya the flirty 'cousin'.
"Who's 'Crazy Eyes' next to you?" Tanya glanced at me with a raised eyebrow and I glared at her harder.
"I'll show you crazy eyes," I snarled and only became more pissed when they both grinned.
"She's cute." Tanya winked at Edward and I wanted to rip her face off. "Well, leave Crazy Eyes and go find your brothers. We need to talk."
I hissed. "Listen, you matel reject, I don't know who you are but no one but me bosses Edward around—especially not an out of date bimbo barbie!"
He chuckled a little, standing up. "Alright. Give me a minute." Putting the phone done, he leaned over and kissed my cheek. He pulled back a fraction and ran his thumb over my bottom lip—if I thought it would hurt him, I'd bite his finger off. "I'll see you in Home Ec, my love."
He pulled away, leaving my skin tingling and my brain in a jumble.
What. The. Fuck.
Edward laughed at his phone, grabbing it and heading to the door. "Don't mind Bella's threat," he said to Tanya. "She didn't mean it. That's just Bella."
He is a dead man fucking walking. I seethed, thinking of every way to dismember him as I glared at the back of his idiotic head.
Present
"Bella—are you okay?" a kind-sounding voice said from behind me.
I looked up to glare at Angela Weber in the mirror.
"No," I growled. "Now fuck off."
I wasn't in the mood to play human. Not that any of them cared anyway. I could curse the whole school and they'd just assume it was a normal day for me. Angela was probably just in here out of a sense of duty to be a 'good person'.
Nobody ever cares. Not truly.
I shook my head to get rid of the thought. This was what Edward had turned me into; a twit standing in the bathroom hating myself and on the verge of crying.
I should kill him for that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asked, her voice so gentle for a minute I stupidly wanted to cry.
Instead I rolled my eyes. "What do you care? Last I heard your father thinks we're satan's spawn. You sure you can be around me without suddenly welcoming your devil?"
She smiled a little. "According to my father, everything he doesn't approve of welcomes the devil." She leaned against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest. "I learned a long time ago not to take everything he says to heart."
I sneered. "What a smart little girl you are then. Now fuck off."
"You're upset. I want to help."
Gods you're persistent. Why can't you just leave?
I didn't even know her. I'd spent maybe five minutes with this human over the past few weeks and barely even knew her name. She was a stranger, so why the fuck was she more concerned than everyone else I knew?
I rounded on her, my face twisting into a snarl. "I don't want your help. I don't need it. If I wanted the help of a pathetic human who likes being the school nobody, I'd have asked. Now get. The. Fuck. Out!" I shrieked the last part and my powers flared. The bathroom lights flickered and the mirror behind me cracked.
Get out! Get out! Get out!
I squeezed my eyes shut and spun around, leaning every bit of my weight into the counter.
I didn't need this. I wasn't in the mood for her fake concern. I hadn't slept a wink over the last few days because I'd pathetically convinced myself Edward was hurt. I'd been stupid enough to tell myself that he was nothing like Eliza and he must have been hurt to stay away from me. I'd even lowered myself to calling him every few hours like a child.
Only to find out he'd been on a fuckfest holiday. And he hadn't even bothered to send me a message to tell me.
It felt like my heart was breaking and he looked the happiest I'd ever seen.
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and my fingers bit into the counter like that would take the pain away. I didn't need this. I had to put all my energy into protecting my sisters. I didn't need Edward walking all over my heart, and I sure as hades didn't need a frightened human screaming to burn the witch.
I clenched my jaw, ready to threaten Angela into silence when muttered "holy shit" broke through the silence.
My head snapped up and in the cracked mirror, I saw Angela staring up at the lights with an almost childlike look of bewildered delight. She met my eyes in the reflection, shock setting on her face as she took in the splintering crack in the mirror.
"Holy shit," she breathed. "You did that."
I narrowed my eyes. "I did it without thinking. And I can do that to every bone in your body if you even think about calling for the pitchforks."
She gaped at me. "How is that even possible?"
She's not even listening.
I rolled my eyes. "Get out. I don't have time for this."
"If you can do this—" she gestured around the bathroom. "Why isn't he dead?"
"What?"
What the hell is she talking about? It's like watching a fucking tennis match trying to listen to this conversation.
"Edward." Her face lost all the delight and hardened. "He hurt you, right? That's why you're in here? So if you can crack a mirror without touching it and 'do the same to every bone in my body', then why is he still breathing?"
I tore my eyes away, clenching my jaw. "You don't know what you're talking about."
Her eyes burned a hole into the side of my face as she walked closer. "Then tell me."
I glared at her. "If you want to walk out that door with your brain still functioning, leave, or I'll erase your memories to the point where you won't know how to count to five," I growled.
I was bluffing, of course—it would take a coven of at least seven to do that kind of extensive work—but she didn't know that.
She was silent for a moment, before she hopped up onto the counter top. It was supposed to be a makeup counter or something, but most people used it for seating—or fucking. She watched me, waiting.
I growled and allowed my eyes to glow. This had to be the most annoyingly stubborn human I'd ever come across. Flicking my hands towards the door it shut with an ominous crack. Another flick and it was locked. I'd let her out once I scared her off.
Pushing my face close to hers so we were inches apart I gave her my best death glare. "You really want me to hurt you, don't you?"
There was a flash of fear in her eyes, but she didn't move. She straightened her shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "I don't think you will." I raised an eyebrow and she lifted her chin. "I'm sure you can, I just don't think you will." She hesitated for a moment before sitting even straighter. "I think you want someone you can't scare away, and a part of you thinks maybe I'm that person."
A part of me ached at that, and I shoved it as far down as I could. I stepped even closer, tilting my head. "Why would I tell you anything? You're no one. You are insignificant; nothing to me. You are an ant, and the only reason you think you can't be scared away is because you don't know fear."
Something flashed in her eyes that almost surprised me. I'd made the little mouse angry.
"I don't know fear? Everyday I go home and wonder if today's the day my father brings the belt out again. Everyday I walk out of the house, I wonder if I'll come home to more than just a bruise on my sister." For the first time since I'd ever known the human, Angela glared into my eyes with an anger I hadn't expected. "You want to scare me away? Go for it. Do your worst. And when you can't, you'll tell me why Edward isn't dead. Because from how close you look to crying, he probably should be."
Surprisingly, fury coursed through me, but not at Angela—at her worthless father. I'd always hated people who abused their families. But this was different.
We're similar, I thought with a dawning realisation. We've both been hurt by pastors who abuse their power, and who we can't do a thing about.
I clenched my jaw. I wanted to protect her from that pain. I wanted to hurt him for already causing that pain.
"Perhaps it's your father I should harm instead, would you like that, Angie?" I cooed with a sinister smile.
It was the smile I'd used while hunting Royce. One I knew worked wonders on terrifying humans. And I would follow through on the threat; anything to distract me from the pain in my chest.
Angela looked away, her jaw working with everything she wouldn't say.
"And Edward isn't dead because my sisters are still attached to his brothers. It would hurt my sisters to kill him, and I would do anything for my sisters. Including refraining from killing."
For a moment I wondered if I'd actually scared her, until she swallowed and said, "I can understand not wanting to hurt someone for the sake of someone else."
She looked like she wanted to say something more, but when she didn't, I smiled sweetly, "That just makes me so happy. Now are we done?"
I opened the door behind us with a wave of my hand but she shook her head. "No. I want you to scare me away." I raised an eyebrow. "I challenge you to scare me. And to tell me what's going on with you."
I snorted. "What are you, a masochist?" But I loved a challenge. "Fine. You really want to know what's going on? My mother's a bitch who materialised at the worst possible fucking time just to make my life miserable; my sisters have completely chosen a pair of dicks over me; and Edward—"
I clenched my jaw, my anger surging forward in a heated rush. "I don't know what the fuck his problem is, but I haven't seen him in three fucking days. After we had sex he left to grab something to eat and disappeared! Didn't even send me a message! Then this morning I found out he left to go see his 'cousins' for the weekend! Just like that! One of whom has apparently being trying to fuck him for the last—"
I cut myself off. "She called him in second period this morning, talking about how much fun they had, and how much she misses him!" I spun away from Angela, stabbing my fingers through my hair. "He told me he loved me, and then the second we were done, he crept out my window and went to fuck someone else! Meanwhile I can't sleep, eat or fucking breathe without thinking he got hurt, and if Madam Bienez asks me to greet her in French one more time I'm going to stick her ceramic croissant up her fucking arse!"
With a snarl, I kicked the rubbish bin and sent it flying out into one of the stalls.
Angela was silent for a long time. "Looks like you could use a distraction then," she said finally, leaning back against the cracked mirror.
I narrowed my eyes at her. Why? What do you get out of this?
But she was right. Terrorising humans was always a fun distraction for me. So for the first challenge:
"How would you like to go shopping for witchy stuff later today?"
Going into a shop that would give her father a heart attack was a fun way to start.
"Why wait?" She tilted her head. "I'm free now. Are you?"
I smirked. "Completely. My sisters will cover for us."
"Perfect. So your car or mine?" Angela asked, holding the door out for me.
"If you want the full Bella experience, it has to be mine."
I felt him before I saw him.
"Bella," Edward murmured, inches from my back.
My heart pounded like the traitor it was. After a week of touching him as much as I could, my body ached to do it again. I clenched my fists to keep from curling my fingers through his hair. How dare he come here and act like he hadn't fucking ghosted me!
"You've been avoiding me," he continued, heedless of the danger he was hurtling towards.
I've been avoiding you?! I wanted to scream. You told me you were coming right back! But you never did! I didn't know whether to pummel him or cry. I was dangerously close to both. I thought you loved me.
Angela slipped her arm around my waist and nudged me behind her. "I'm sorry. Bella doesn't have time for your ego right now." She stepped between us; her polite smile was sharp enough to cut diamond. "Go sit in the naughty corner and think about what you've done until she's ready for you."
I stared at Edward over Angela's shoulder and I was losing it. He met my eyes with such a look in his eyes like he wanted to reach out and hold me.
Don't cry. Don't cry. My fingers curled into the back of Angela's shirt, desperately grounding myself in her presence. Don't be weak.
When I had myself under control again, I looped my arm through Angela's. "You heard the lady." I turned my nose up at Edward. "Get the fuck out of my face. We're off to have fun, and you're not invited."
I refused to let the bewildered hurt on his face touch me as we pushed past him to the stairs. He had no right to look like that. I'd given him everything and he'd gone off to get fucked by someone else. I did not need another asshole like that in my life.
And yet everything in me screamed to look back at him over my shoulder. All I wanted was to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he told me why.
Like she knew what I was thinking, Angela tightened her grip on my arm. "Come on. You promised me some fun."
I forced myself to smirk at the innuendo in her words that I knew Edward would catch. "I'm going to blow your mind," I purred.
Let's see how long this good girl lasts in my world.
~Scene~
I'm keeping her.
I grinned wickedly as I watched Angie—who's name I had taken the liberty of shortening with no permission whatsoever—marvel at the numerous herbs lining the walls. So far today had been a blast. On the ride to Port Angeles I'd gotten control of the radio and put on Misbehavin' Maidens—a coven of witches who moonlighted as a girl group—and cranked it up to full blast. I'd expected Angie to be horrified by a song about masturbation, but no one was more shocked than me when she started singing along. Word for fucking word.
Since we had the entire day to do with as we wished, I decided lunch was in order. I'd taken her to a popular restaurant that catered specifically to witches and didn't pretend to be anything human. I'd been there with my sisters a time or two, however I mainly went there alone when my sisters were off with their boy toys.
Mostly because I did not want to be that pathetic sister that sat at home knitting while her siblings were out having fun.
And Angela had loved it. She took everything in stride, even when our food appeared out of nowhere, she still hadn't panicked. Sure her eyes might have been as wide as golf balls the entire time, but she stayed relatively chill. And we had a damn good lunch.
After that we'd hit every mystical shop I could think of in Port Angeles—each more deranged than the last—and Angela had loved every one of them.
Now I watched Angela browse the shelves of the herbal shop—a relatively 'normal' place compared to everywhere else I'd shown her.
Who knew that pastard's daughter was actually fun? She doesn't back down from a challenge and she's willing to try new things. If she was bi I'd totally sleep with her. I leaned against one of the shelves, watching as she got lost in the excitement of her first mystical shopping trip. She was so lost in focus that a bomb could have gone off outside and she wouldn't notice. My kinda girl.
And she was. Despite neither of us knowing each other before today, it was like we'd always known each other. Angela had a way about her that made me feel like we'd always been best friends.
A crystal caught my eye and I knew it was a perfect gift for her. Chrysoprase—a crystal with a lot of hidden depths. Like Angela. I grabbed a circular one and slipped away to the front.
Getting to the counter I caught the attention of the girl working in the front of the shop who was thankfully a proper witch and not a little halfling like some had. Handing over the crystal, I asked her to wire wrap it and place some basic wards on it. It wouldn't do to have my new friend walk around without the basic protections. I'd put more specific ones on it myself later. The girl nodded and went to the back. I knew it would be done before we needed to head to Alvira's and wandered back to where Angela was examining a wall of herbs.
Deciding to be wicked, I slipped my arm around her waist. "You know I'd be happy to answer any questions."
Her eyes were wider than saucers. "I have so many I can't even think of one."
"Shoot, no question is stupid." And I meant it. I loved teaching my sisters in our first life. Even if Angela couldn't do magic knowledge was power
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish as she scrambled for her first question. "Um. Okay. Um. Well. This." She pointed to angelica on the shelf. "What's it do? What's it for?"
"Angelica is used for medical purposes, heartburn, intestinal gas, and loss of appetite. The list goes on, it's as common in a witch's cabinet as tylenol would be in a humans." I shrugged. "Quite useful."
"Why not just use tylenol then? Or is it like a traditional thing?"
I looked at her seriously. "We can't. Witch health is different to humans'. If I took tylenol it would probably make me sick."
She hummed, her eyes still focused on the shelf of herbs, before she blinked and looked at me. "So your physiology—it's not like mine. Like other humans." She stepped back, eyeing me up and down. "How different are you? You look human. I mean, I saw your eyes earlier, so obviously there's a difference, and you say you can't take human medication, so what else is different?"
I thought for a moment thinking back. "Lots of things. Most human medicines are incompatible with our systems; we burn calories faster so we have to eat more, especially after doing magic. We don't just wave a wand and bam, glass slippers and a dress—a human would starve to death in two weeks, a witch would starve to death in four days. And, we didn't always look like humans.''
I closed my eyes as the memories washed over me. "My mother in our first life used to tell me the stories of the olde days. When witches didn't have to hide, when we roamed freely and the sacred land of Tir Na Nog was still ours. It's said that our skin glowed slightly, our eyes had hidden depth, and our hair had a certain lustre to it.
"We evolved out of necessity, as the way we looked made it easier for the humans to hunt us. Unfortunately that cost us our home. A sister race to ours wanted to hide, we didn't. Tir Na Nog wasn't meant to be split into two, and the humans were hurting the earth as much as us by cutting down forest after forest. So we gave Tir Na Nog to our sister race to keep safe, and joined together one last time to hide both our sister race and the land we loved.
"We could have hidden with them but we wanted to stay and fight for our rights to live our lives the way we wanted to. In those days christianity was just gaining a toehold on the world."
Angela was silent beside me and I glanced over to see her eyes wider than before. Was that too much information at once? But then she clasped my hands, her eyes practically shining. "Tir Na Nog exists? I thought it was just something in the stories!"
I smiled softly. "It doesn't. When my grandmother was alive in our first life she would tell me about the land. She lived through those early days—her and her coven predated even the Covenant. They are the ones who helped form our society as we know it.
"But they were tired of living. So one by one they let themselves succumb to the cycle of life. My grandmother was last. She'd always wanted a child, but never had one of her own, so she adopted my mother in a blood ritual that made her as close to her biological daughter as possible.
"She died when I was seven in our first life, but she'd done what she wanted. Had a daughter, lived to see her grandchildren. She thought we'd be safe."
Of my sisters, I was the only one who remembered our grandmother. She would always lift me onto her knee and tell me stories of her life. As fuzzy as they were, those memories were some of my favourites.
"But you weren't," Angela murmured. She rested her hand on my arm. "Do you have a– ah, does your religion believe in an afterlife? Somewhere you'll be able to see her again?"
I smiled. "We believe in a spirit realm where people's souls go, but ghosts—imprints of the person the soul was—can stay on this plane as well. It's just not guaranteed. So even if her soul was reincarnated her ghost could still be here. I could theoretically see her. If I held a seance circle with others who knew her. But I'm quite sure the Covenant wouldn't want to indulge me in summoning my grandmother. Apart from me, they're the only ones who would remember." I sighed.
"Who are the Covenant? You've mentioned them a few times."
I blinked; I hadn't even realised. "Our government. The ruling body that all witches answer to." I said simply.
She shook her head, eyes round with something akin to amazement. "Wow." She smiled at me. "I have to say, when you came to Forks and shook things up, I thought maybe you were weird, or just different enough to cause gossip. But that's not even the tip of it. I mean, don't get me wrong." She held up her hand. "You're definitely weird as fuck, but I think you would be even if you were human." Angela laughed, still shaking her head. "But you're actually a different race. Or species, or whatever. I mean I guess I just thought you were like a superhero type of person, but you actually have a full separate government, and history, and—" She leaned against the wall and murmured to herself, "I've learnt so much in five minutes. Imagine what I could learn in a year!"
I cocked my head to the side. "You know, you're taking this really well. I've heard some people in the witches' bars boasting about how wide eyed humans get when they learn about us, or the ones that take it well at first because they think we're fucking nuts and are humoring us until they see some shit then loose their minds. You must be something else." I smirked at her.
"Don't get me wrong, you've definitely blown my mind. But I guess reading every fantasy book Forks has ever had has prepared me a little for this." Angela grinned, before her eyes grew even wider. "Jesus. You're actually living a fantasy book."
I suppose it might seem that way, but I don't think there's a happily ever after in it for me." I shrugged.
"I think I need to sit down."
I laughed. "So telling you about an entirely different culture and government doesn't faze you, but thinking we might be living a fantasy book makes you lose your shit?"
She blinked. "Wait, what do you mean you won't get a happy ever after?" She stood straight, a fire entering her eyes. "Who's stopping you?"
I sighed. "More than you could know."
She raised her chin and pushed back her shoulders. "How can I help?"
I shook my head with a sad smile. "You can't. Part of it is just who we are; witches are very traditional in many ways. When my mother passed in our first life she made me promise to take care of my sisters, to make sure they're always happy. That's all I've been doing since the day she died and…" I swallowed thickly. "Sometimes I want to stop… I want to have fun and live my own life but every time I try her words come back to me and I just can't."
"Bella…" Angela licked her lips and clenched her jaw, hesitating before going with it anyway. "Do you know how fucked up that is?"
I scrunched my nose. "It's not…it's just the way things are."
"No, it's not." She held up her hand when I went to argue. "I know this is essentially the first time we've really spoken or even interacted, so I don't know how you see me, but I'm starting to consider you my friend, and as my friend, I can't stand by and not say anything about this."
She took a deep breath, somehow forcing away the anger in her eyes into something softer. "You are your own person, Bella. I don't care if the leader of your entire people told you to take care of your sisters, you are your own person. And so are your sisters."
I wanted to believe her. To tell her I knew that and that I would start living for myself. But once again my mothers words came back to me.
Take care of your sisters, Esmerelda.
Something inside of me pulled me back, like it always did—refusing to let go. I shook my head. "You don't understand… I–I can't. It's who I am. It's my duty."
And yet the words felt wooden in my mouth.
Have I always sounded like this when talking about my duty as their sister? Confusion swirled within me.
Angela ran her tongue over her teeth and I could see just how much she wanted to argue with me, to force her opinions on me. I tensed, ready to fight her on it, as I did everyone, but she let out a deep breath.
"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand even half of what you've been through, nor what you have ahead of you. For all I know, it really is part of a witch's duty to protect her family at all costs. So as a virtual stranger, I'm not going to come in and tell you you're wrong. You've gotten your sisters and yourself through all of this, so you must be doing something right." She stepped closer to me. "But as someone who grew up in a shitty household and took the brunt of her parents' shittiness to protect her siblings, I want to tell you something I learned the hard way. You have other options. You can walk away right now. Step outside that door, and leave for wherever you want."
I shook my head instantly. Everything in me fought the very thought but Angela continued. "And I know exactly what you're feeling right now. Everything in you is saying, 'I can't leave them to face this alone'. I get that, but Bella?" She touched the back of my hand lightly. "It's an option. One of the best things to realise is that you have that option. Even if you'll never take it. It's an option for you."
Emotions swirled within me. It felt as if I were fighting off an invading presence that I had never noticed before. My heart said to listen to her but my head said that I knew my duty and that if I listened now I would be failing them again.
But for a moment my heart's desires pushed against that voice and an excruciating pain flashed through my head. I crouched down, crying out in agony as I clutched my head, my vision swimming. It felt as though something within me was tearing apart.
Suddenly there was a strong pair of arms around me, pulling me in tight.
"Breathe, Bella. Just breathe," Angela murmured. "You're okay. You're safe. I'll stop pushing."
"That–that's not normal." I took a deep shuddering breath. "Something's wrong," I croaked, clutching my head.
Abruptly, Angela pulled me into her lap, holding me tighter. She sat back against one of the shelves.
"Nothing can hurt you here." She wrapped an arm around my waist and another against the back of my head as she pushed it into the crook of her neck. It was forceful and mildly aggressive, but I welcomed it. I collapsed into her hold. "Just breathe."
I took another deep breath as suspicion began to worm its way into my mind. "It's impossible," I murmured. My words just moments ago flashed through my mind. If I didn't know any better I'd say I was under a spell.
But that couldn't be it. I'd been like this since our first life. And there was no way a spell could last that long. Not without—
"Blood magic," I murmured, stiffening in Angela's arms. "But she wouldn't do that! Mother loved me!"
She was the only person I knew who'd practised blood magic in our first life. The only one capable of casting a strong enough spell to carry onto our second life all these centuries later.
"Mother wouldn't do that to me." I shook my head. "She wouldn't. She loved me!"
Angela pulled me tighter, but there was a tremble in her arms. "I'm sure she did. But that's—" her voice broke. "But sometimes that's what hurts the most."
Suddenly I realised I had to know one way or another. I had to know if Mother had cast a spell on me—if she had made me push my desires aside for my sisters. "We need to go to Alvira, She's an old witch. She can tell me if it's a spell. Maybe even break it."
Angela nodded, letting out a deep, shaky breath. "Okay." Her arms dropped so I could clamber off her lap.
But the moment I stood up, it's like I was underwater. Everything was hazy and far away, and all I could hear was 'take care of your sisters, take care of your sisters, take care of your sisters'.
I need to protect them, I thought dazedly. I need to make sure they're happy.
"I need to take care of my sisters." I repeated hastily. As my vision blurred. It wasn't an option, it was a demand, an order. I had to obey. "I should go home."
But I don't want to go! A small voice in me cried, and suddenly my head was on fire.
It felt like someone was shoving a hot poker through my temple. I cried out, pressing a hand to my forehead, but it was pulled away and replaced with a cooler hand. I took a deep breath and the pain began to leech away. The world sharpened around me and it was like a damp cloth was being pulled away from my head.
I gritted my teeth. "We need to get to that shop."
I had heard of spells becoming constricting when those under its thrall fought against it. They were like quicksand—only staying still wouldn't help. The moment you began to fight in earnest the spell intensified. It was a failsafe.
"I'll drive." She stepped forward a little, looking into my eyes for something—maybe to see if I was going to pass out or go crazy. "Let's head to the counter for whatever you took there, and then we'll head out."
Her hand dropped away again, and I was in free fall. I lashed out for her, blindly, my heart in my throat and clutched at her hand like I was drowning.
"Don't let go. Please." My voice wobbled, and I could feel a pressure in my chest. I squeezed her hand. "Please don't let go."
"I won't." She squeezed back and didn't let go, even though I knew I was probably crushing her hand. "I'm not leaving your side."
Confusion sprang in my mind again. It seemed like the spell retreated when Angela touched me, and for the life of me I had no idea why. The worker came out of the back with the pouch and I instantly took out my card out of habit and paid. Thankfully shopping didn't require much thought or any more than one hand. I thanked the worker on our way out the door, still gripping Angela's hand. As we approached the truck I felt a need to get in and drive home, to check on my sisters, but the need was a distant echo.
And before I even finished rejecting the thought, Angela had fished my keys out of my bag and walked me to the passenger door. She didn't let go of my hand as I awkwardly clambered in, until I was sitting and buckled in (something she raised a stern eyebrow at when I didn't immediately).
I knew she had to let go to move to the driver's side, and I knew the pain would come back the moment she did. I didn't know why or how she helped block it, but in the face of that pain, I really didn't care.
She looked me in the eye and said, "Take a deep breath. I'll be around in a few seconds. Ready?"
When I nodded, breathing deep, she dropped my hand and raced around. Pain sliced through my head like a hot poker through butter and I groaned.
Go home. Protect your sisters. Make sure they're happy. Go home. Protect your sisters. Make sure they're happy. Go ho—
"You're okay, Bella." Angela's soft voice and softer hands broke through it and the ache of it all dripped away. She pressed her cool hands to my face, and murmured, "It's getting worse. We should hurry."
With one hand still on my forehead, she clasped my hand before moving her other one to the wheel.
I groaned, clutching her hand and letting the pain leak away the longer I held on.
I must be close to breaking it. I rubbed my forehead. Otherwise it wouldn't be hitting back so hard and so fast.
As she pulled out of the parking lot, I started directing her before I cut myself off realising my mistake. As a mortal she wouldn't be able to see the store past the wards, and I had no idea what the store looked like to humans. Blindly I groped at the clap of my protection pendant and dropped it in her lap.
"Put that on, the store we're going to is more selective than the rest. You won't be able to see it without the pendant." I gritted my teeth and mentally counted down, waiting for Angela to remove her hands. Even with her touch, there was now a low banging at the base of my skull. "The store you're looking for has lavender, freesia, and rosemary hanging outside of it. It also has Alvira's name on the window sometimes—but the words come and go when they please."
I expected her to drop my hand to hang my pendant around her neck, but instead, she guided it over to her lap. She rested my hand on her thigh, just above her knee and winked at me. "Don't get any ideas now, Swan."
I smiled wanly. "Can I tell Edward I had my hands in your lap this entire drive? He knows I'm bi but he thinks that there aren't any females that could pull me away from him—it'll really deflate his ego."
She smirked, putting my choker on and starting the car. "He needs a firm kick up the ass."
My smile grew more forced at the reminder. I rubbed my face and waved those thoughts away. I did not need to add him to my headache right now. I'd spent most of today pretending I'd forgotten about him—I'd just keep doing the same now.
"I'm going to ask Edward if he'd mind if I slept with you and watch his head explode." I thought about it for a moment before I sighed. "Not that I would do anything. We aren't exclusive, or really even a thing—regardless of his proposal at the diner the other day—but I couldn't do—"
The truck jerked underneath us. "Excuse me?!" Her head whipped towards me and I had to grab the wheel with my spare hand to keep us from careening into a building. "You're engaged?"
I blinked. "I thought news of the proposal would have made it across the entire town by now?"
She shook her head, still not watching the road in the slightest. "The only news that's gone around is about your pregnancy!" She pressed a hand to her forehead and groaned. "Or maybe I'm just so out of it I didn't listen. Jess wanted to tell me the latest gossip at lunch today, so maybe that was it."
She shot me a sheepish look. "After I heard everyone talking about your pregnancy, I tuned the rest of it all out. The rumour mill is one of the shitty things about this town, and I didn't want to hear anything more in case it wasn't true."
I blinked. "Oh, pity, the proposal was an act meant to get around—it was a failed plan to stop Renee."
I didn't want to mention that the pregnancy part was also an act, because then I'd feel compelled to get into my inability to have kids—and I didn't want that. Not now.
Maybe on the way back home. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes. For some reason it feels wrong to lie to Angela.
"Lauren is going to be mad she missed all the news. I heard she was up at her aunts for a week in Seattle?" I huffed. "Gotta say that was an unexpected bonus. I didn't want her making slut jokes about me—Emmett would never let me live them down."
"You two really don't get along, do you?" Angela shook her head with a crooked smile.
I shrugged. "I had no opinion of her until she hurt my sister's feelings. For that she's on my shit list."
"She's definitely a bitch, don't get me wrong. But I suppose when you've grown up around her kind of bitchiness it stops being so shocking." She snorted. "I guess I've also seen her in too many low points to see her as an awful person anymore." She shrugged. "Plus, I've known worse people." She shot me a side glance. "But I think you'll find she's got good sides to her too. Particularly on that topic."
I shot her a curious look but she shook her head with a slight smile. "Not my secret to tell. Just like yours aren't."
I nodded as we pulled up to the store and the second after we parked, Alvira came out of her shop, she was expecting us.
I took a deep breath to prepare myself for letting go of Angela, but she just grabbed my hand off her thigh and nodded to my door. "I'm not letting go. Not when it's getting worse every time I do. I don't know how I'm helping, but I'm not stopping until we get this sorted."
I was too wrung out to argue, so I nodded, and together, we clambered out, nearly falling into an ungainly heap.
Alvira walked up to us briskly. "Come quickly now, into the shop and straight to the back," she said sternly, grabbing one of my arms to support me as she led us through the doors of her shop.
"Hurry up and sit her there." Alvira gestured at what looked like a recommissioned arm chair, while she grabbed a jar and began pouring its contents in a circle around my seat.
As soon as the scent hit me I sighed in relief. Sea salt. It would help ward off the spell while we figured out what's going on. I sat down in the armchair gracelessly. Immediately the incessant urge to check on my sisters lessened and I rubbed my head in relief.
Alvira turned to Angela. "What happened? I saw you coming, however I did not see why. Did someone do this?"
"Bella thinks it might be a spell placed on her." Angela leaned against the back of my chair, her hand still wrapped around mine. "Something she thinks her mother placed on her to make sure she would always protect her sisters. I don't know." She scrunched up her face. "We were talking about Bella putting herself first, and then suddenly she was collapsing on the floor, screaming in pain."
Alvira frowned. "That is not good."
"No shit," I mumbled.
A moment later Sage came in with a large glass of iced tea and a frown as she handed it to me. "Mother says sugar helps after using your magic for a while?" she said hesitantly and then looked to her mother with a strange look on her face.
With a start I realised she was seeking her approval. But all she received was a wave of her mother's hand and she left with her tail between her legs.
"Mother. Why does Sage look like she's about to have a litter of kittens?"
I glanced up wearily to see another young woman enter. She was thin, with long straight white hair, and covered head to toe in white foundation that goth people wore. Her lips were painted blood red and she wore a tight black dress that wouldn't have been out of place in a courtroom. The only jewellery she had on was a tree of life pendant glittering with jewels.
She halted at the threshold, staring at Angela and I with hard, calculating eyes. She looked us up and down before turning to Alvira, her eyes racing over the things her mother had in her hands.
She turned back to me, nodding her head. "Well met, Miss McKinnon. I am Orchid Montero. I have heard many fine things about you and your sisters. It's an honour to meet you."
She turned to Angela and surprisingly bowed once more. "Well met, sister kind. I look forward to our acquaintance. Should you need anything, my family is always reachable in this store."
I gulped down the iced tea. "Angela is a mortal. The pendant she wears is mine since she wouldn't have been able to see the store without it." I shrugged. "Kinda hard to drive to a store if you can't see it."
Orchid tilted her head, her eyes narrowing as she stared at Angela once more. "My apologies then." She dipped her head. "My perception skills might not be entirely on point, today." She glanced between Angela and I, that calculating look back in her eye. "Regardless, you have Miss McKinnon's confidence, so we welcome you here."
Angela fumblingly nodded back, looking more out of her depth than she had all day.
I furrowed my brow. "Although, something odd did happen with her. Something is going on with me—a spell, I think—but if it is, Angela was somehow able to push the effects away. I've never seen anything like it, and frankly that baffles me. My grandmother was one of the witches of olde, and I've poured over her part of our grimoire. I've never even read about such a buffer."
Orchid and Alvira shared a glance, a thousand words passing between them before they turned back to Angela. "Are you certain you are truly mortal?" Orchid scanned her again with shrewd eyes. "With Miss McKinnon's pendant, I cannot see you for certain, but there is something about you…"
Angela flushed in annoyance and looked away. "Yes. I'm nothing special. Just a regular old preacher's daughter. No matter how many times I've wanted to be something more."
Orchid hummed, dropping the subject and turning back to me. "What afflicts you?" Her lips turned down and her nose scrunched up. "What is that horrid sense about you?
I frowned. "Physically or mentaly?"
"Spiritually." She stepped back like something had offended her. "It hangs around you like a foul stench." She glanced at her mother. "You cannot sense it?"
Alvira shook her head.
Orchid held out her hand like she was feeling something in the air. "It feels fractured." Her nose screwed up in disgust. "And malevolent."
I huffed. "That makes sense. It's been behaving like a malevolent spell with a fail safe but if it is…" I swallowed thickly. "If it is, my mother is the only one who could have cast it, and it would have been more than three hundred years ago when I was twelve. That was before I got my personal pendant so I wouldn't have noticed, and until I fractured whatever it is it has been operating undetected."
Without asking, Orchid stepped forward and pressed her hand to my forehead. Pain split through my skull like a thousand volts and I could feel my soul pulling apart at the seams. I tried to flinch away, but it was like her hand was attached to my head.
She lurched back with a snarl, clutching her blistering hand. "What in The Morrigan's name is that?"
"Definitely a failsafe. A bloody powerful one too," I hissed, gripping my head as the pain ebbed away. Angela's hands settled on my shoulders, pushing me back into the chair and keeping me grounded.
"I am not talking about the protections around it!" Orchid's eyes lit up in unadulterated rage and her nostrils flared. "I speak of the spell cursed into you!" she hissed. "What mother would do that to her child? In binding it to you, she has essentially stripped you of your free will and bound you to hers for eternity."
I pressed my lips together. "An hour ago I would have said not mine, but I think the evidence is speaking for itself. There was no one else who could have cast the spell." I glared at the wall like that could stop my heart from hurting.
It felt like my world was falling apart, and everything I learned today shattered it more. Edward was using me like a toy to be dumped when something more exciting came along, and apparently my mother had never truly loved me.
"I am going to speak to this woman," Orchid snarled, stepping back again. "When I am through with her, she will know the consequences of her actions!"
"You can't. She's dead."
"Like that has ever stopped me before!" She disappeared in a furious swirl of black silk.
Alvira narrowed her eyes. "Orchid Matilda Montero so help me if you have been doing seances behind my back…" she growled
Silence followed. Alvira pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed. "Those children will be the end of me. How is it that Sage is the controllable one?" She shook her head, and turned back to me. "Well, now that I know what the spell is and who created it, I can make some headway."
But headway she did not make. No, all that came next was a pissed off witch furious with her lack of progress, more pain for me, and Angela with a possibly broken hand from how tightly i was squeezing.
After far too long, Alvira stepped back and I collapsed back into the chair like a wet noodle. "Even after all these years, your mother's spell holds strong. I cannot touch it."
I closed my eyes. Why is this happening to me? Is it too much to ask for just one peaceful day?
The door behind us slammed open, scaring the shit out of everyone. In the frame, Orchid stood, absolutely fuming.
"Did you get anything?" Alvira asked.
"No," Orchid growled. "I couldn't make the connection."
There was something about the intensity of the fury in her eyes that made me think otherwise. I wondered what Mother could have possibly told her to piss her off that much, but I forgot all about it when Alvira sighed.
"Then I'm afraid you'll have to break it yourself, Bella." She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. The look of defeat on her face made me want to lie under my bed and never come out. "From what I've heard your mother was an incredibly powerful witch, particularly when it came to blood magic. If she is the one who placed this spell on you—something I think highly likely—then she would have tied it to you so only you could break it."
The soft compassion on her face made me want to hit something.
I stared off into the distance, my jaw clenching. Why does everybody betray me? Why does everyone I care about lie to me?
I took a deep, steadying breath. That wasn't true. My sisters were the constants in my life. They would never betray me. They would never lie to me. I could trust them.
I took another breath. Even when everything was falling apart at the seams, I could rely on them. So, for them, I took another deep breath and reined in my control. They trusted me, so I needed to do right by them and not lose control. For them.
Because my life may have been turning to shit around me with one betrayal after another. But my sisters were my world. They needed me, and spell or no spell, I still loved them. I would do anything for them. The spell may be forcing me to put my needs to the side for theirs, but until recently I'd never thought to do anything for myself, I'd never wanted to. I'd always had to raise my sisters, even in this life.
And until they were safe, it didn't matter. They still had to come first.
I sighed wearily. "Yes, that would be just like her. However, she chose her spells well. My sisters and I are currently in a…spot of bother, and I can't in good conscience devote any time to breaking it while my family's lives are on the line."
There was a small part of me—the part that had never really grown up—that wanted to sob uncontrollably because I realised what this spell meant. I had to put their happiness above everything. Even if I had to die to do it. And Mother was a powerful witch—she knew. And she didn't care either way.
Did she ever love me? Or was I always supposed to be their shield, and nothing more? An animal raised purely for the slaughterhouse.
I glanced down at my hands in my lap. It doesn't matter, I thought in defeat. She was right. I have to protect my sisters. That's all that matters.
"If this 'spot of bother' is so worrisome, we would be more than happy to help." Alvira frowned, causing me to look up. "I am not sure if you know this, but in the centuries since your deaths, many people have come to owe the McKinnon line a great deal. Many in this area even."
Orchid nodded to her mother's words. "If you are in that much danger that you cannot break this spell immediately—let us help you."
Nope.
"Is there any way you could add a warding charm to my protection pendant?" I asked instead, nodding to it still around Angela's neck. "My sisters and I spelled them ourselves so I know the runic key needed to add more protections. And it's either that or I kidnap Angela." I winked at my new friend—or whatever she was.
No one reacted, watching me like I'd just laughed off cancer or something.
I met Angela's eyes for a moment and she dipped her head a fraction. She snorted, breaking the silence; smiling despite the concern pulling at the corners of her eyes. "Feel free. I'm sure whatever chaos you bring is a thousand times better than the hell in my house." She squeezed my hand. "I'd love to."
My eyes misted a little, but I forced the tears back. There was no way in hades I was crying over something so simple. Instead I forced it into a joke. "Then you'd better be prepared for a shit ton of chaos, because I don't do anything by half measures. I'll take it as a challenge to be worse than ever!"
The elder witch smiled slightly as she held out her hand for my pendant. "If you would give me the pendant I'll see what I can do, and we'll try and discover why your friend is able to ward off the spell."
Angela laughed, handing over the choker. "It's like we're soulmates."
I forced a grin. "I thought you weren't into girls. Am I the exception?"
She nudged my arm with an almost fond eye roll. "Platonic soulmates, Miss Swan. Don't get ahead of yourself."
I gasped dramatically, my hand over my heart. "You wound me!"
Alvira's hand stilled and then roamed her eyes over us with a certain air of understanding. "That's exactly it. I cannot believe that I hadn't thought of it before. But I can see it now—you are platonic soulmates."
"We are?" Angela said, her eyes wide. "I was just joking, but you're serious?"
"That's a thing?" I asked.
Alivira nodded. "It hasn't been spoken of in many years. Platonic soulmates have been few and far between since the hiding of Tir Na Nog. In the days of olde they were more common, happening frequently between Fae and Witches. It wasn't as common with humans, but I suppose it makes sense since we live side by side in this world as we did with the Fae. Unfortunately many have since forgotten the bonds of platonic soulmates in favour of the romantic link. The tells for both are different.
"With platonic soulmates, the bond is easily identified by an immediate and strong desire to be completely truthful with that person. With romantic soulmates it is a bit more difficult if you do not know what to look for. Truly depends on the witch. Sometimes there is a spark when you first touch, sometimes they are able to cut through angry hazes. And sometimes one does not know until and if they are rejected and are thrown into a shutdown."
"So you're saying that we match each other best as best friends?" Angela's brow furrowed. "And that's it? We have to be best friends?"
I sat up frowning at her. I pulled myself out of her grip, and almost bit my tongue through clenching my teeth against the pain. "Oh I'm sorry. Did you have a better option? Am I not good enough for you?" I snorted, clenching my fists and smiled hatefully at her through the agony washing over me. "So after everything I've shown you, that's what scares you away?"
She looked offended. "Of course not! I just don't like the idea of my choices being taken away!" She reared back. "Where's my control in that? We have to be best friends because destiny says so? That sounds awful! I don't want to be attached to someone just because the universe demands it!" She purposefully grabbed my hand, glaring at me. I tried to glare back but the relief from the pain was too much. "I'd rather be friends because we get along and we like each other!"
Alvira shook her head. "No, it isn't like the novels say—soulmates don't work like that. True love and trust cannot simply magically appear. The bonds are more like indicators—or notifications if you will—letting you know who would be a true friend or your perfect partner in life. You have to do the work yourselves and build the bond from a simple indicator into something everlasting. It is your entirely choice whether to act on the bonds or not."
"That good enough for you?" I snarked at Angela because I couldn't help it.
She rolled her eyes. "I wasn't arguing against being soulmates, I was arguing against not having the choice. Are you seriously telling me you'd be okay with having no choice in the matter?"
Alvira smirked and turned to me. "See, she is already handling your temper admirably."
I poked my tongue at her and Angela snorted. "You're a child."
I frowned. "I don't think I've ever been allowed to be a child so that's not exactly an insult." I said airily. "I had to raise my sisters from the age of twelve in our past life, and from the age of seven in this one."
"Jesus Christ." Angela looked horrified. She glanced up at Orchid. "Are you sure you can't try her mother again? I want some words with her!"
I sighed. One thing I knew was that my stubbornness was inherited. "If Mother wishes to dismiss the connection and refuse the summons, no matter how compelled she is to accept, she will not come."
Angela's face screwed up in distaste. "Then I'll just have to undo all the work she's done and the trauma she's given you until I piss her off enough to face me herself." She scowled and Alvira smiled.
"You two are well-suited for each other." She handed me my pendant back. "This should be enough to protect you against the spell's failsafes when Angela is not with you. It would be stronger if I had a lock of your hair, Miss Angela, but—
Angela yanked out a few strands of her hair without a word and handed it over.
Alvira stared at Angela for a moment before taking the strands and rolling them into a circle. "Thank you." She hummed as she took a purple crystal from amongst the others on her bench. "The strands are too long for a sphere—a natural amethyst will do just as well."
Angela pulled me up from the chair and I let myself lean into her a little. In response, she wrapped her arm around my waist and took more of my weight. While I was leaning against her, she clasped my pendant back around my throat. After a moment Alvira took the finished crystal and hooked it onto my protection pendant until everything lay comfortably at the hollow of my throat..
"Thank you," I murmured, glancing at Alvira and Orchid. I ran my tongue over my teeth, hesitating. "For helping me."
Orchid smiled. "We would do nothing less for a fellow witch. Please remember that you are not alone. We are all siblings of the soul, connected irrevocably through mother magic. We will always help each other."
I nodded even as I pushed away her words that I wasn't yet ready to hear.
~Scene~
On the drive back Angela had wasted no time in grumbling about my mother. Some part of me wanted to defend her. Wanted to tell Angela about how lovingly she had raised me, but I couldn't. Not now that I was remembering things in a different light.
Mother had never been a particularly doting mother until I'd shown my magical prowess.
It was difficult to sift through the hazy memories of when I was barely more than a toddler in our first life, but I remembered a specific day with startling clarity. I was five—almost six—at the time and it was after Rose's birth when Father had just left us. Mother was inconsolable so I had taken one of her rhymes that she read when she wanted Alice and I occupied for hours. They made our dolls walk and dance, and it always made us happy.
To my five-year-old self the dolls would be able to make Mother happy as well. I was able to get it on my third try, and when Mother had seen what I'd done, she'd smiled for the first time in days. Later I'd learned that those rhymes were magical nursery rhymes and while not particularly difficult, no five-year-old should have been able to do them as easily as I had. After that Mother had gotten better and showed more interest in me. She'd always called me her little prodigy…
Now that nickname took on a more unflattering light. Who was I to her? Was I her daughter or her legacy? Had she loved me for myself or had she loved me for my abilities?
She certainly didn't give Alice or Rose any real attention until I had taught them kids magic. Oh she was never cruel or obviously negligent. She took care of them, bought us trinkets when she could. But it was almost as if she did these things absentmindedly, like it was simply a habit such as curtseying when being introduced.
But when my sisters started showing their affinities before I did, it was like I no longer existed in my mother's mind.
I was brought out of my troubling thoughts by the sound of Angela's voice growing louder. Not really shouting, but her voice had clearly raised from a mumble to a loud speaking voice full of determination.
"...And on that 'I won't live happily ever after' thing you said earlier—" Angela crossed her arms, her face twisted into something between a scowl and anger. "—I call bullshit. The one thing I've learnt from every story I've ever read, is that destiny is bullshit and we make our own happy endings." She turned to look me in the eyes, and there was something about her intensity that I couldn't look away. "What do you want, Bella Swan? Without the bullshit and the duty and the promises you've made. What do you want?"
My eyes misted—the closest I had come to crying in awhile—and my face crumbled, from one distressing topic to another. How lucky of me. "Edward."
She grabbed my free hand which was not on the steering wheel. "Then what are you going to do about it?"
The hole in my heart gaped wider. "What can I do? He doesn't want me. He took what he wanted and was just playing lip service to get it. The moment he got it he left, just like—" I swallowed convulsively.
"Just like who?" Angela murmured.
I shook my head, furiously holding back those damned tears. She squeezed my hand tightly enough to drag my attention to her.
"You can trust me."
I snorted, my eyes burning. "Right. Like I can trust everyone. The moment I think I can trust you, you're going to walk away, like everyone else." I turned away. "The only people I can trust are my sisters."
Angela didn't say anything for a long time, but I could feel her stare burning into the side of my face. Finally, she turned away. "Fine. You can't trust me, that's fine. I'll just have to earn it." Then her eyes were burning against my skin again. "But if you haven't learnt by now that I don't scare easily, then you haven't been paying attention.
I was quiet for a moment. Even if I didn't quite trust Angela, what could it hurt in her knowing? After all, she could do nothing with the information. I sighed. "Eliza," I said after a moment, looking down the darkened road ahead.
"Who was she to you?"
I grimaced. "Eliza was…my lover. In our first life. Without going into specifics on how we met we quickly discovered that we both batted for the same team. Even back then there were always ways to find out. We dated for awhile but our village wasn't enough for her, and neither was I. But like an idiot, I still stupidly believed she wanted a future with me.
"She acted like she did. And she certainly said that she wanted to be with me—even going so far to say she wanted to help care for my sisters. But that was all a ploy. Yes, she wanted me. But not as a partner—as a mistress. As some toy to hide away. And my sisters did not factor into her plans." I gave a derisive scoff. "She had it all planned out. She would convince me my sisters were horrible, ungrateful brats, then she'd sweep me off my feet with baubles and trinkets and show me how good my life would be as her whore.
"Then she'd whisk me away to London under the pretence of being her personal maid where she'd marry a gentleman of wealth and still have me on the side." I scowled, clenching my jaw. "But the worst part was that she made me believe I wanted her. She made me love her and think we could have something. Made me hope," I spat.
"How did you change your mind?"
My lips thinned. "I caught her in a lie. I overheard her talking to her parents. She didn't know I was there but she was gushing about going back to London soon and all the offers she would receive. Then she went on to say how…" I swallowed convulsively.
"How she pitied me, how I was some poor orphan girl left to care for her ungrateful sisters and how she wanted to hire me on as her personal maid and take me on as a sort of charity case. She even suggested if I was very lucky some manservant would take a fancy to me and have me share his bed…" I hadn't taken it well, it had taken all of my resolve to not show her exactly why she should not anger a McKinnon.
But I had broken it off with her the next day. I'd left her in no doubts about my opinion of her. And I had let my anger cover my pain and broken heart because if I was angry then surely she could not have affected me as much as I had believed."
I shook my head. "And, Edward… he's showing the same type of behaviour. He's already tried to convince me my sisters are ungrateful for the things I've done for them, and he didn't even try to hide cheating on me."
Angela glanced at me, frowning. "You really think so?" When I nodded, her frown deepened and she turned back to the road. "Well if that's true, I'm going to need a stern word with him too."
"Plus, we slept together, before he vanished. Tried some things… anyway his actions make it clear he got what he wanted." Angela hummed, deep in thought, and I glanced at her. "You think I'm wrong?"
She narrowed her eyes. "I don't know. I don't know Edward or any of his family other than what little I've observed in school and what you've told me. The Cullens moved here three ago, and none of them showed any interest in anyone. The doctor and his wife showed a little, but we all know it's basic at best. But then you and your sisters come to town and between the six of you, the gossip hasn't stopped. Your sister threw one of them into a wall, the other one had a flirting battle with another of them, and you've made it perfectly clear how much you hate all of them, particularly Edward."
I smirked. "You know for the first few weeks we were genuinely trying to kill each other. Or hoping to at least."
"That's what I mean. But now both your sisters seem to be entirely and mutually in love with their partners, and you and the big one are practically best friends."
I wanted to say it wasn't just my sisters who were in love with a Cullen, but that felt too much like humiliating myself, especially because of what I strongly suspected. "And Emmet is cool. He's good at swindling people."
With a sigh, she motioned for me to pull over, which I did. I was about to ask her what the fuck when she turned to me. "You are excellent at lying to others as much as you are to yourself. But apparently destiny and fate and whatever other universe bullshit is organising this has decided I am your platonic soulmate, which grants me bullshit detecting powers." With a sarcastic wave of her hand, she said, "With my powers of bullshittery detection, I hereby detect that your levels of bullshitting are through the roof. And with my powers, I announce that I am immune."
I rolled my eyes and she pointed a stern finger at me. "You are in love with Edward Cullen. You just haven't accepted it because you have so much trauma you'd scare off a shrink and because your trust issues are through the roof, not to mention the guy you're in love with seems to be an emotionally constipated asshole. But I can see it. So don't think for a minute I can't see past your humour defence."
"You'd make a wonderful therapist." I clasped my hands under my chin and fluttered my eyes mockingly. "So warm and cuddly."
"You want warm and cuddly? Go find a puppy."
"I already have, several shirtless ones, I didn't like them."
Angela groaned. "Like I said, you're excellent at deflecting and telling people shit they don't understand to distract them. Next you'll probably tell me you have a dozen werewolves in your backyard whining for you."
"Of course not! Only six or so. And not technically our backyard, but close enough—also they weren't really werewolves whether they believe me or not." I was proving her point for her, but it would feel weird not to.
"I live in a strict catholic household where my siblings and I grew up learning how to lie and deflect the truth efficiently," Angela snarked. "If you want to hide behind your humour, you're going to have to do better than that."
I opened my mouth to accept that challenge, but she leaned over the centre console to get in my face. "You are in love with Edward Cullen, and he hurt you. Those are the facts. He hurt you by leaving after having sex with you. Now he might have a reasonable excuse for it. Or he could just be an irredeemable asshole. But you won't know until you confront him and smack the shit out of him."
"If you weren't straight I would sleep with you."
She continued as though I hadn't said anything. "Now I know you're going to continue this entire drive pretending you aren't listening to me, and I'm going to pretend I can't hear your defences and humour and whatever else you're spouting. And that's fine." She smiled in a way that almost weirded me out. "But I am going to annoy you until you face your problems, and as your destiny-appointed best friend, you can't hide from me forever."
Jokes on her, I'd been running from my problems—or more precisely killing them—since before she was born.
"And insert a quip of Bella saying something funny about hiding from her problems," Angela snarked like she could read my mind.
I whistled. "You are efficient. You're having my side of the conversation too! How do you do it?"
"The abilities came when I signed the contract to be your platonic soulmate," she said dryly. "Now are you going to continue running, or can we head home?"
"I'm assuming we're pretending that I'll make a promise to be a grown up that I'll obviously break, and you'll pretend you don't know?" I pulled onto the highway again.
"You're an asshole." She leaned back into her seat.
I gasped. "Don't make me wash your mouth out with soap, young lady!" I pulled back onto the highway. "And, obviously."
We were back in Forks and pulling into my street not long after that. I'd convinced her that she would sleepover tonight—because I was entirely possessive of my new friend—but it didn't look like that was going to happen. Not if the figure standing in my driveway would have anything to say about it. I stopped a few houses down and groaned against the steering wheel.
Why did he have to be here? I did not want to deal with him today of all days. I was at the end of my tether. Despite my calm facade I could feel myself teetering on the edge of snapping and I needed time to get my emotions under control.
"You know, when I said confront him, I was expecting like a 'end-of-week' deadline," Angela said. "Not that he'd show up at your doorstep like a creeper after ghosting you for three days."
Suddenly a realisation struck me and I hastily cast a privacy ward I knew Edward's mind reading ability wouldn't peirce. Fishing the gift I had gotten her earlier out of my pocket, I pressed another spell into it to protect Angela's mind from his ability.
He'd notice the moment I dropped the ward I'd erected around the car that her thoughts were blocked to him, but I also knew he wouldn't cross me enough to change that.
"Put this on." I shoved it at her.
She raised an eyebrow. "Is this going to erase my memory or something?"
"No, there's a spell for that and I don't fancy trying to cast it alone. This will protect you from certain things. Like telling others all my secrets without meaning to."
She looked offended. "I wouldn't!"
"I know, I know!" I shoved it at her again. "But there are things in this world that you don't know about—ones that I can't tell you about, so trust me when I say sometimes you wouldn't have a choice."
She took it without another word, and after she settled it around her neck, tucking it under her shirt, she raised an eyebrow at me. "Now are you going to handle your problem tonight, or kick his ass to the curb and do it later?"
My expression darkened as I pulled into the drive. I just wanted to go inside and fucking crawl under my bed, but I knew Edward wouldn't leave me alone. And if I was going to have it out with him, I certainly didn't want it to happen in my bedroom.
"I'll handle it." I didn't know how much more of today I could take.
Taking a deep breath, I braced for the agony and pulled my hand from Angela's. But instead, all I felt was a slight twinge of pain—like a minor headache. I glanced at my pendant and then at her, before nodding. Time to get this over with.
I opened my door and got out, closing it behind me. I headed for the vampire waiting on my driveway.
"Hey."
I turned back to see Angela rolling down the window. "I'll wait here, and when you're done, come find me. And if you feel like shit, we'll raid an ice cream store. Or head back to that place we had lunch at."
I forced a smile and nodded, then turned back to Edward who gave off an air of waiting patiently, but his face held a look that clearly stated 'are you done?'—much like a parent would give a child throwing a tantrum.
And just like that, all my fury from this morning rose again. Just looking at his face made me go from wanting to cry over being so damn alone, to wanting to throw him through a fucking mountain.
Who was he to act as if he were humouring me? As if I was some child who needed to be placated!
"Follow me," I growled before turning and walking towards the treeline.
~Scene~
I felt as if my heart had been torn out of my chest. Traitorous tears continued to roll down my face, clouding my vision as I broke through the treeline heading straight for the truck. Angela was out of the truck in an instant as I crashed into her and buried my head in her shoulder, letting out a heartbroken sob.
"What'd he do?" Her arms squeezed around me, making it hard to breathe. "What'd he do to you?"
"He– I—" I choked on the words; my worst fears had all just been confirmed. "I'm not good enough for him… He–he doesn't want me as I am!" My tears soaked her shirt and I couldn't breathe. "He said I was heartless—that I cared for no one but myself. He questioned whether I actually even loved my sisters or if I was just protecting them out of duty!" My fingers dug into the back of her shirt and I clung to her desperately. "I do love them! I do! It's not just the spell! It can't be. It can't. Tell me it can't."
Angela pressed my head deeper into her shoulder, and squeezed me even tighter. "He's dead. I'll kill him." She shook with rage. "I swear."
I sobbed harder into her, clawing at her back as I broke down. I was feeling everything at once. A tsunami of pain was tearing through me and I couldn't do anything but drown.
"He's an idiot. He doesn't know what he's just lost. He's making a huge mistake and you deserve so much better than him. You hear me? You deserve the world, and if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you in the slightest. You are a thousand times good enough. A million. And anyone who can't see that isn't worth your time." She rubbed her hand up and down my back, and slowly the anger in her was replaced with sincerity. "Don't listen to a word he said. You aren't heartless. You care so so deeply, and he's an idiot for thinking otherwise. And you do love your sisters. You love them so so much. Spell or not."
Tears streamed down my face as I didn't dare tell her any of the other vile accusations he had hurled my way. "How could he? I thought he understood me. I thought he understood…"
He had taken everything I had given him, everything I'd ever confessed to him, every weakness of mine he'd ever learned, and he tore through my heart with them.
"He's an idiot," she swore softly. "He's a stupid teenage boy who can't see further than his ridiculous nose."
"I love him," I whispered into her shirt with every inch of my broken heart. "I chose him. And I still wasn't enough. I never was."
