Note: Three months in a row. I was honestly pretty worried this chapter would break my updating habit, mainly because it has been very difficult from the beginning. From scrapping the first draft to re-writing entire scenes multiple times, I was like, yeah, this is going fantastic. I actually sat on this update for like a week considering scrapping it all or said scenes again, but decided I may be being too picky. Figured, I like it decently enough to put it out there and see what you guys think. Any constructive criticism would be fantastic.
I would like to thank AzikaRue394, Player Zero, Kenrai, and MidnightStarr for the reviews! You guys have patience in spades.
Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade.
Kiss
The first time Max even thought about kissing Mariam, he felt awful.
They were sitting at a small booth in a rundown diner on a Thursday night. Mariam had been in New York for a little over two months for a reason she refused to disclose and they agreed to meet up on a weekly basis. However, the Saint Shield refused any form of charity, so they often opted for the diner for its low prices. They were waiting on their food and so they sat in the near empty restaurant and just talked.
Mariam had her hands wrapped around the mug of hot chocolate she ordered, her eyes rolling skyward as she talked about some of the people she had dealt with today. During her trip, to earn funds, she was challenging people to money matches in the park. It was actually how Max came across her, following Michael and Eddy to the park in their attempt to challenge the rumoured hot beyblade destroyer. While it had been an awkward meeting at the start, they moved past it and here they were.
Max listened carefully to Mariam describing her day, a smile on his face as she recalled some of her opponents. He always looked forward to meeting up with her like this, hearing her stories and just enjoying her company. And it was when Max was sipping his pop, trying not to laugh at Mariam's portrayal of some repeat loser she faced, that he realized she was beautiful.
Okay, so Max knew she was beautiful for a while, he wasn't blind. But sitting in the booth, looking at her across the table, it was as if the fact crashed to the forefront of his brain in urgency. He stared at her, probably with a stupid smile on his face, and everything fell into place in his brain as if he just solved an intricate puzzle.
She was gorgeous. She was incredible, funny, and smart. She was all these things and more and Max felt absolutely awful.
Meeting Mariam in the park after years left them disjointed and off the track they had previously been on. Mariam felt guilty and frustrated, Max felt confused and suspicious. It took a lot of work, and a lot of diligence on Max's part, to move things forward and resolve any unanswered questions. Eventually the distance closed and the built-up walls were torn down and Max felt they had become good friends in a short amount of time.
Yet here he was, wrecking everything he worked so hard on. And to Max's credit, he had been burying any lingering thoughts, denying any skipped heartbeats and sweaty palms. He quickly found logical excuses for any change in his behaviour, be it lost sleep or skipped meals, but for some reason today was different. All these withheld feelings were being released through the floodgates to his forethoughts and risking the friendship he so carefully constructed.
"What's your problem?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, nothing. Sorry."
Risking everything wasn't easy for Max, feeling their very friendship was already built on a shaky foundation. The last thing he wanted was to lose Mariam because he couldn't handle how he felt, especially after such a show of insisting their friendship in the first place. They both promised from the beginning that there were no ulterior motives and the boy couldn't help but feel like he lied through his teeth.
Max, holding onto some hope that he wasn't some pitiful jerk, analyzed every move Mariam made and every word she spoke down to the last letter from that point forward. He prayed for some sign to show him it was okay to feel so much for this girl. And with every sign he thought he saw came so much doubt and second guessing that it left a gash on his bottom lip for days.
It was this inner turmoil between his head and his heart that led Max to his decision. He was driving himself crazy, looking for things that possibly weren't even there and going through their conversations hundreds of times. He needed to do something, no matter the consequences, for the benefit of his sanity.
And so, the first time Max tried kissing Mariam, he felt his life flash before his eyes.
Being the gentleman he was, and wanting to spend every last second on Earth with her, Max began walking Mariam to her hotel after their meetings. She was not too keen with the idea at first, but his persistence with New York being dangerous at night made her relent after the rants weren't worth the fighting. And, to tell the truth, she didn't mind the additional time with the boy and how he would point out different things on the way.
The growing amount of time Max was spending with Mariam did not go unnoticed. The severs at the diner often gave them extras and once one of them even winked at Max and wished him good luck. The person that seemed to notice the most was Max's mom who, in a huff, would text and call him more each night. He found it very embarrassing, but Mariam never made any comments. If she needed any reminders that Max was younger than she was, he supposed his mom was doing a good job.
"Hey, if you ever want great baked goods, check this place out." Max jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of a family run business. Mariam looked back to catch the name, their shoulders brushing in the process and Max turning slightly red. Luckily, the weather was brisk and he could blame it on the cold.
In his coat pocket Max felt his phone buzz with a new text message. It was the seventh one he ignored tonight and he knew he would be receiving a lecture when he finally went home. Tonight his brain was just too rattled and his nerves shot to even focus on anything else. Max had spent the evening biding his time, looking for hints, and awaiting the perfect moment. He hadn't had the best of luck so far, but he was hopeful.
She turned back to him with a smirk. "We take the same route every time, ever going to run out of places to suggest?"
Max smiled in response. "We'll just have to change routes if I do."
Max held his coat closer to him as they made the final stretch to the hotel. Both of them were relieved when they finally walked into the building's lobby, loosening their coats and rubbing their hands together as they welcomed the room's heat. The front desk clerk greeted them as they passed for the elevators; it may have been a bit too obvious, but Max always insisted on walking her straight to her room.
The elevator beeped when they reached the ninth floor and the pair walked down the maze of hallways to reach her door. Mariam fished in her pocket for the room card while Max shuffled behind her, feeling as if he was losing all his time.
"Well, thanks again for walking me back, but I really think I'd be fine to walk by myself." Mariam pulled the key card out of her pocket, flipping it over in her hands. She turned to look at the blond, another smirk gracing her features. "Besides, who's going to walk you home?"
Max shoved his hands into his pockets, not knowing what do with his hands as his nerves took over. "Yeah..." He cringed at how awkward he was being and knowing it would surely be noted.
Mariam raised a curious eyebrow at this. "Alright... well, I'll see you around. Send those jokes of teammates over sometime, free money." She chucked at her own joke a bit, turning back to the door to let herself in for the night.
"Uh... wait!" Max panicked. When she looked back at him in surprise all he could he do was stare and stammer. The whole thing made him feel ridiculous, no girl ever made him feel like such a fool like Mariam did and she wasn't even trying.
He could tell Mariam was losing her patience waiting for him to say something meaningful or at least get his thoughts in order. Max took his hands out of his pockets and sort of gestured spastically with them, not improving the situation at all.
Annoyance soon took over Mariam's visage and once again her attention went back to her door, muttering goodnight to the boy. Max took a deep breath, grabbed her arm as gently as possible and turned her to face him. She narrowed her gaze on him and he could almost see her walls build back up around her as she studied him. Max stepped forward to close the distance between them as Mariam tensed. There was a live countdown in his head and just as it reached zero and he moved in the loud sound of his ringtone went off.
Max stopped completely, the phone in his pocket continuing to ring relentlessly. He didn't move, almost scared to, as his eyes met Mariam's. Her eyes were hardened in his direction, almost daring him to come closer at the risk of his life. He swallowed hard, his brain screaming for an evacuation plan. Very suddenly, Max jerked back and continued to shuffle himself further away from the blue haired girl, her gaze still trained on his every movement.
"Uh... goodnight?" Max finally choked out, his voice cracking to add further humiliation. His face hot from embarrassment, the boy backed himself into another hallway before he all but ran from the hotel.
With that, Max avoided Mariam for two weeks.
It was easy for Max to hide from her considering that he initiated most of their contact. He kept himself busy between training and assisting his mother at the BBA building, which Judy personally approved. And while he didn't see the Saint Shield for some time, she never escaped his thoughts.
Max couldn't stop himself from replaying over that night's events, his embarrassment taking him over in waves days later. He felt like he took this new friendship with Mariam that he adored and just threw it forcefully on the ground. The way Mariam looked at him that night tugged at his heart until it felt like it was drowning in his stomach.
For his sanity's sake he made another decision, though it decidedly did not go well last time. Max was going to just forget Mariam, push his foolishness and mistakes as far away as possible and use this as a lesson for next time. This decision was why Max was so surprised to see the girl of his torture waiting for him one day after one of his training sessions.
"Hey."
The blond stopped short, his eyes immediately stuck to the blue haired girl as she hung out in one of the hallways in the BBA building. She leaned against the wall casually and Max was somewhat surprised she hadn't been asked to leave by any security officials.
Realizing he was just staring at the girl again, Max smiled awkwardly. He hefted his gym bag onto his shoulder, buying time to clear his head. "Oh... hey."
Mariam walked closer to him. "So, you've stood me up at least twice."
Max nodded at a loss for words. They had gotten into the habit of meeting at least once a week. "I guess... I've been busy?" Max wasn't sure what he should say, and he really didn't know why he said what he did. It was obviously a lie and everything about the whole situation made him uncomfortable.
"Alright, so are you busy now?" The question made Max confused. She couldn't possibly believe he was telling the truth. That paired with the fact Mariam was seemingly forgetting his previous actions left Max wary. It was making him question their distance and whether Mariam was trying to lure him into a false sense of security to leave him with a busted lip or broken nose. "You kind of owe me."
"Like dinner?" Max asked dumbly.
"Yes, you know that thing we've been doing for like two months before you went AWOL."
"Okay, sure, I guess. Yeah."
He played with the strap of his gym bag as they made their way out of the building. Max slowly accepted the fact that his life wasn't hanging in the balance and all his hopes started to flutter into his chest again. Every part of his brain told him to accept the second chance, pick up and dust their friendship off and carefully put the pieces back together, but his heart screamed differently. He was back at odds with himself, looking at Mariam left him back at the beginning and all he wanted to do was prove his feelings couldn't simply be forgotten.
That night, the first time Max actually kissed Mariam, left him even more confused than before.
To Max it honestly felt like the night over two weeks ago decided to repeat. The only difference was his uneasiness quadrupled and left him tense and awkward. Mariam was doing an amazing job of either forgetting everything or simply choosing to put it behind them. It made Max feel bad for wanting to try to kiss her again.
Dinner went relatively smoothly, the gaps in conversation cut short by Mariam. Max felt like he was being tugged in a general direction, her motives unclear as she steered their discussion in their usual fashion. He got to complain about his mother, and her, her opponents. Their meal was served with a dessert they never ordered and any protests were waved off. Max ended up paying as an apology and for once Mariam accepted without complaints.
They then found themselves walking through the snow covered sidewalks on the way to the hotel. Their shoes crunched on the snow, breaking up the silence between them. Max had his gym bag slung over his shoulder, his cold fingers gripping the strap as he regretted not wearing any gloves.
"Guess we need to change routes." Max looked curiously over at Mariam at her words. She had her arms crossed, hugging her coat closer in the process. Seeing his confusion, she shook her head. "You didn't point out anything."
"I didn't," Max agreed. He finally looked around at their surroundings, surprised to see the hotel front before them. The blond came to a halt, his hands pushed into his coat's pockets suddenly, and the strap of his gym bag coming loose on his shoulder in the process.
Mariam regarded him momentarily, her eyes falling from the blond to the glass doors of the hotel and the inviting warmth inside. "Are you coming or what?"
Max stared at her wide eyed. "No, I don't think that's a good idea." He then forced himself to look at the ground and the slush gathered at his feet.
"What happened to all that bull about getting attacked or whatever?"
"It wasn't bull."
Max was still refusing to look at her, not that he wanted to simply say goodbye and run off. It left him frustrated as some snow started to fall from the sky at regular intervals. Mariam rolled her eyes, grabbing hold of his sleeve and pulling him inside the building.
"Mariam!"
"If you're going to have a stupid existential crisis, have one inside where it's warm."
Max tried hard to glare at her once she stopped pulling on his arm. She easily mustered one back as she loosened her coat in the warmth of the lobby. Max merely stared, her blue hair coated with specks of snowflakes and glistening from their crystals. His throat tightened in contrast to any words he thought he wanted to say.
"Listen, Max. You're going to walk me upstairs, we're going to say goodnight, and then you can leave. You can hang outside all night, I really don't care. I'm not dealing with any possible stupid what-ifs that brain of yours will come up with and I'm not going to deal with you showing up in the middle of the night to apologize. And before you say that wouldn't happen, shut-up, yes it would. You know it. Got it?"
Still at a loss for words, Max simply nodded his head. He was unsure if he could form any useful words at the moment and Mariam seemed to accept this. So, just like the night prior, the blond followed Mariam onto the elevator and to her floor.
Walking the hallways, Mariam had her hands in her pocket again searching for the card key. Max, however, was focused on the carpet and the mess his shoes were leaving. Because of this, he nearly ran into the girl when they reached her room; Max yelped at this and jumped a few feet back to give Mariam distance. Surprisingly, she laughed. Max relaxed, his face hot again from embarrassment as he closed the gap between them again. His eyes were cast down to the tacky carpet while her hands played with the found key card.
"You're off the hook now. Goodnight." Max bit his bottom lip at her words, his recently healed wound tender at the touch of his teeth. He had so much to say and everything was rushing together blindly. "Unless... there's something else?"
Max's head immediately shot up, his blue eyes meeting her green. He was almost skeptical she had said anything else, but Mariam seemed to be studying him curiously. He opened his mouth to say something, but he found he had no words. His voice cracked in an attempt to just push his thoughts out and he blushed with frustration.
All the while, Mariam just watched him. Her patience left him surprised and he was lost as to why she was even putting up with his floundering.
"I don't have all night."
Her words weren't cruel, but honest. It was the push Max needed to move forward and it felt like a gravitational pull when the boy got close enough. Shyly, his lips brushed against hers and the conflict between his brain and his heart came to a standstill. All the turmoil in his life ebbed away and he was forever thankful he left his phone at his apartment this morning.
Just as quickly as the kiss happened, it was over. Blue eyes were stuck to green and his words were still nowhere to be found. Wordlessly, they said goodnight.
If it hadn't been for Mariam, Max would've been left to throw away another chance. And that night, he walked home in the snow with a smile on his face and relieved. That's why it left Max confused when it was Mariam's turn to disappear for two weeks.
At first Max didn't notice, they were both busy people with their own lives. It wasn't until he actively tried to seek her out that she never seemed to be around. The park she actively battled in was empty and calls to her room went unanswered; even when he worked up enough courage to go knock on her door himself, he was found with no answer.
He was confused, to say the least. Max had even gone to the diner a few nights to no avail. The servers admitted that the last time they had seen Mariam was with him.
The boy really wasn't sure what happened and after going through the moment multiple times in his head he decided to give Mariam the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she had to return home suddenly because of an emergency, maybe the true reason she was in New York finally happened and she just didn't have the time.
These possibilities were good enough for Max; at the very least they subdued the heartache. He busied himself as much as possible, but kept his phone on his person at loud volumes and always looked over his shoulder. It probably annoyed everyone else around him, but it kept him sane.
And it was these weird coping mechanisms that led him to see her again in the streets of New York. Max was going for a walk, his attention on his surroundings when someone caught his eye. Every now and then he needed to do double takes to verify if the person he saw was Mariam or not and this time his gaze met very familiar green eyes. He stopped and stared in her direction for a few seconds until she abruptly decided to leave.
In those few seconds Max came to the realization that the excuses his brain came up with were all lies. He really had no idea what was wrong or what he did. In an instant, Max was running after her, his shoes struggling to keep traction on the snow and ice. He slipped his way after her when she finally came to a stop in a park.
"Wait," he called after her, nearly falling. She muttered something under her breath, her frustration clear when she turned to face him. Relieved for the chase to stop, Max caught his breath.
"Yes?" Mariam was very clearly annoyed. Max noticed she was refusing to look at him; her arms were crossed and her head was craned away as if looking for an escape.
Max floundered, his own annoyance growing. "What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Why did you run?"
"I'm busy."
Max frowned. "Come on, Mariam. What's going on?"
Mariam slowly turned her attention back to him. Max was taken aback by the glare she was giving him, the intensity of it felt like he was being kicked when he was already down. "Nothing. Are you done?"
"You can't just do that." Max let out an exasperated sigh. "You can't just kiss me one day and hate me the next."
"Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Max. And I didn't kiss you. If you hadn't been so weird about everything... Ugh. Never mind."
Max's heart sank. He had no idea what to say or do. Mariam took this as her place to leave, but Max stepped in front of her. Seeing her expression flash with anger, Max raised his hands in defense. "Mariam... you, you should've just told me."
"Right." Her sarcasm was ever prevalent.
Max shook his head, feeling absolutely gutted. Mariam slowly realized his expression and simply sighed. "I should've just been your friend, I'm so stupid."
Mariam wanted to agree, but she knew she was uncertain herself. There was something about Max that did that to her, but she decided to keep her mouth shut. She told herself it would be easier if Max took the blame.
But that wasn't the case, not in the least. Every time she laid eyes on Max he seemed to beat himself up more and his apologies were profuse and never-ending. Mariam felt guilty and then angry with the boy because he started this whole mess in the first place with his lopsided smile and shining eyes. She knew she wasn't an easy person to deal with and Max did so with genuine interest.
As Max eased himself back into the role of friend, Mariam found that it was her turn to fully question everything. He carefully laid out all of his intentions, clearing every questionable factor with an excuse. He was no longer blundering, but confident. He pushed his insecurities away and did everything possible to keep their friendship alive.
"You sure we can be friends?"
"Absolutely. When it comes to you, I can do anything."
Mariam soon found that she possibly wanted to do the opposite. Every piece that Max did his best to carefully put back in place, Mariam wanted to shatter into thousands more. The guilt weighing on her shoulders gradually broke away any left confusion and her memories of the night they kissed came more frequently. And so, Mariam made a decision.
The first time Mariam kissed Max, she didn't feel awful. She also didn't see her life flash before her eyes and she wasn't left more confused than before.
"Okay, Max, I need you to shut-up." Max and Mariam had been sitting on a park bench around noon, the blond carrying on as usual. As soon as he heard her words though, his mouth clamped shut. "I need to tell you something."
Silently, Max nodded his head. His eyes sparkled curiously as he tilted his head in wonder. Seeing this, Mariam looked in the distance and not in his direction to avoid distraction.
"I wanted you to kiss me." Mariam scowled at her statement, she wasn't used to being so open and the way she dragged Max through the mud left her with a lot of self-hate. "I think, anyway. At the moment, I did."
Max remained silent. Mariam didn't dare look at him, not even when he stood up from the bench. He walked in a small semi-circle and trudged back to stand in front of Mariam. "I'm sorry... what?"
The lack of anger in his voice moved Mariam to meet his gaze. His eyes were wide with shock and his mouth gaping open as he searched for further words.
"In the moment, I guess, I wanted you to kiss me." Her gaze fell in embarrassment, a feeling she despised. "Afterwards, I just didn't know how to feel or if I liked where it was going... It's a lot easier to hate someone."
"Mariam."
"Sorry I've put you through Hell because I apparently don't know how to deal with my feelings."
To Mariam, nothing was worse than admitting your weaknesses in front of someone. The sound of Max's soft laughter brought her attention back to him as he knelt on the snowy ground.
"I, uh, put myself through Hell with not knowing how to handle my own feelings... so it's okay." Max offered her one of his signature smiles, ignoring how his knees were getting soaked and how his skin was beginning to go numb. "I'm sorry you had to go through that though..."
She stared into his blue eyes, how his sincerity lit them up. Of course he wouldn't blame her or get mad; it was just his nature to accept everything about her. Even her ugliest flaws went unnoticed by Max and it brought a familiar flutter to her chest.
Without thinking, Mariam grabbed hold of the blond and pressed their lips together firmly. Max nearly fell over in the process, quickly regaining his balance and leaning in further to the touch. Mariam decided this time if she wanted to hate someone tomorrow, it would be her. Max didn't deserve it.
"Wow...," Max finally said when she pulled away. Mariam smirked, causing him to fluster up and shake his head. "I mean, thank you. Er..."
"I figure you can hate me now and we'll be even."
The boy smiled shyly, his head tilting towards the ground. "I don't think I could ever hate you, especially after that..."
"Good."
Max felt his heart soar higher than it had in weeks and his lips tingled. Every ounce of pain was suddenly worth it looking at the girl before him and how she was trying to hide her own smile. And while his first kiss didn't go as planned, this one motivated him further.
The second time Max kissed Mariam, everything felt right.
