Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and I am making no profit from this story, it is only for entertainment.
Chapter Summary: In which several long overdue conversations occur
A quick PSA:
REPRESENTATION MATTERS!
That concludes my PSA.
Chapter 40: Who Needs Therapy With Friends Like These?
Naruto rested his cup of warm ginger tea on his leg as he propped them up on the right side of Kakashi's hospital bed. The man was a second away from attempting to escape out the window at any given moment so Naruto was tasked with keeping him there until he was discharged in a couple of hours. The nurses had already labelled his room as a flight risk. Shikaku had taken one look at Naruto this morning and sent him for an early lunch so he had some time to kill.
"So Rio's finally back?" Kakashi asked, lying back into the pile of pillows Naruto had forced on him when he'd entered the room.
The minute he'd awoken from the Sharingan-induced coma he had ditched the flimsy hospital gown and Naruto couldn't say he blamed him. His jounin vest and black long-sleeved shirt was resting on the other chair on the left side of the bed, leaving him in his sleeveless vest with the connecting mask. His hitai-ate was resting on the top so Kakashi had closed his scarred eye.
He nodded as he took a sip of tea. The month he'd spent in the hospital before the invasion had given him a brief reprieve from the worst symptoms due to all the forced rest but that was long past. He knew Shikaku had noticed that he'd pretty much stopped eating because of the nausea from all the coughing and he'd had to hide all the blood covered tissues from the people going in and out of his office. He was grateful that he could sit for a good chunk of the day otherwise he might have had a few fainting spells. He knew it was a bad situation but he didn't have time to take the rest he probably needed and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it anyway. Yakushi-sensei was gone and he had no desire to find anyone else. He'd just live with it.
"I really don't know what I'm going to do about the teams," he continued. "Now you're awake and Rio is back, I could reform the genin teams but that's not fair on Sasuke and Shikamaru. They've been performing chunin duties for a few weeks now and I've had nothing but glowing reports about them. It just wouldn't be fair to drop them back down to genin level; especially Sasuke."
"You have a point." Kakashi crossed his arms. "We could have two teams of two or one team of four?"
Naruto rubbed his face tiredly. This had been swirling around his head since Rio had come back and he was no closer to a solution.
"I know Shikamaru would go back to his team if I asked but I can't ask Sasuke. He's been amazing on guard duty but I think he needs more of a challenge. I can't send him further out because of Orochimaru but I don't want to cage him here. Unless he wore a disguise or something for leaving the village?"
He rested his head on the back of his chair, sighing deeply. He was too tired for this.
"Hey."
He opened his eyes to look back at his friend. Kakashi had one dark eye trained on him, his silver hair falling across his forehead without his headband to hold it back.
"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked seriously. "You seem more tired than usual."
Naruto couldn't muster the energy to pretend; it was Kakashi. He was safe with him.
"I feel like I haven't stopped moving since the attack," he admitted. "There is so much to do and with Kazuya in the hospital, I had to make sure I was there for the kids while running the mission assignments and creating seals. I'm being pulled in so many different directions that I can barely see myself in the mirror, Kakashi. I feel like if I stop moving for too long that I'm going to drown and take everyone down with me."
He let the following silence settle around them, tipping his head back again and closing his eyes so he didn't have to see Kakashi's expression. He hadn't allowed himself to think about his mental state because he simply couldn't afford to. He didn't need Shikaku and Kazuya telling him he was overdoing it; he knew that. He could feel it in every ache and pain and cough and wheeze. He felt like he had to present himself as pulled together to the others that knew about his illness so they wouldn't doubt him, but Kakashi didn't know. He felt a little guilty about that but he didn't want him to look at him differently.
He felt a nudge on his foot and slowly opened his eyes, staring blearily at Kakashi. He patted the bed and Naruto raised an eyebrow.
"You need it more than I do and the nurses will be too happy to see me still here to tell you off."
Naruto sighed but heaved himself up, handing his cup of tea to Kakashi to hold as he climbed in next to his friend. Once settled, with his shoulder pressed against Kakashi's, he took it back and hesitantly leaned back into the pillows. He felt some of the tension leave his body as he sank into the mattress.
"You're amazing, you know that?"
Naruto looked over at Kakashi in surprise but he was staring up at the ceiling. Naruto joined him.
"I just told you that I'm losing control of my life and that's your response?"
"I don't know anyone that works as hard as you," Kakashi elaborated. "More importantly, you care about people; way more than anyone I've ever seen. You care so much that you give too much of yourself away and you don't keep enough for yourself."
Naruto blinked. He'd had the gist of it but it was different to hear it verbalised. He knew part of the reason he did it was that he only had so much time so he had to make the most of it while he could. He didn't need it as much as they did.
"I guess," he allowed. "Hopefully things will get easier now we have a Hokage again. Shikaku and I briefed her on what happened in the month we didn't have one and she's got the logbook. I think it'll still be another few weeks before things settle down for good but we're finally on our way."
"How is she? She's your godmother, right? I remember she visited once."
"I don't remember that," he shrugged. "She didn't know I was alive so she kind of gets a pass."
Another comfortable silence passed over them. Naruto felt his eyes starting to close so he took a big swig of his lukewarm tea to try and fight it off. He still had some reports to authorise after lunch.
"I think I need to be harder on Rio and Sakura," Kakashi spoke finally. "The world is a lot bigger and tougher than they realise and I need to prepare them for that. I need to do a better job."
Naruto frowned, turning over slightly to look at him.
"Where did that come from?" He asked. "You've done a great job with them. Sasuke got promoted and Rio made the semi-finals. Sakura was great too."
Kakashi hesitated but his shoulders slumped.
"Itachi beat me," he said quietly. "I thought I'd mastered my Sharingan but he just showed me how far I have to go. I have the Mangekyō Sharingan and I've done nothing with it. I'm falling short as a shinobi and I don't want to pass that on to them."
Naruto turned back to look at the ceiling but he gently rested his head on Kakashi's shoulder, trying to convey his silent support. He twisted the half empty paper cup in his hands.
"From what I know of the Mangekyō, the activation requirements are horrible. I personally hope Sasuke never has to activate it," he said softly. "Sure, it's powerful but you are more than that eye, Kakashi. You've mastered hundreds of jutsu, you can track as well as the Inuzuka, and your taijutsu can compete with Gai's. I personally think that you're one of the strongest people I've ever met and it has nothing to do with that eye."
He didn't know why he and Kakashi always ended up spilling their worst thoughts to each other but he was grateful. Kakashi wasn't someone that Naruto necessarily spoke to all the time or spent all his time with but the man was always there when he needed him. At the point where Naruto felt he was finally going to break from all the pressure, Kakashi popped up to help relieve the burden even for a little while. Maybe it was because he was just as broken as Naruto; and equally as good at hiding it. This was a safe place for just the two of them. He took a deep breath.
"When I was kidnapped, they put chakra-cancelling seals on me," he admitted. "It was the first time since I was three that I've lost it and I learned that I'm a shit shinobi without it. My other senses are so rusty and weak that I think a genin could take me out. Sometimes it feels like I'm cheating, you know? Without my sensing, I would just be a member of the regular forces; nobody special and probably just barely making chunin. I wake up feeling the chains still on me and I have to catalogue the signatures around me to make sure I haven't lost it again."
He spoken about losing his sensing with Shikaku after the attack…or more like yelled it at him. He hadn't mentioned how much it was still haunting him. He knew some mental stress was normal after kidnapping but he was determined for it not to affect his life. He also knew he needed to work on his other senses so that would never happen again but he was too scared to switch off his sensing. He hated not knowing who was sneaking up on him. He blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears burning at the edge of his eyes.
"I activated the Mangekyō when I killed my teammate."
Naruto remained still, not wanting to put Kakashi off from sharing. He never talked about his team and Naruto respected that. He couldn't imagine losing his teammates.
"Nohara Rin. She was kidnapped and forced to become the jinchūriki for the Sanbi. I fought them off but she jumped in front of my chidori. I can still feel my hand inside her chest sometimes."
Naruto felt a warm glow in his chest at the level of vulnerability Kakashi entrusted him with, even as his heart ached for him. He knew Rin and Obito were sensitive subjects. He wondered if Kakashi felt that same feeling when Naruto shared his thoughts. He felt Kakashi's head fall softly onto his.
"We make quite the pair, huh?" He laughed quietly.
"What was it you said before?" Kakashi huffed back. "We have no idea what we're doing and no one can tell us how to do it. We just have to forge ahead and make a bunch of mistakes and live with them for the rest of our lives."
"I can't believe you remember that," Naruto chuckled, the sound a bit more genuine this time.
He didn't have to feel bad about admitting his fears because he knew Kakashi understood. It felt good just to tell someone about what was bothering him and not have to pretend that he was unaffected by the last couple of months.
He knew he would have to tell his friend about his illness but for now he was content to lie here and allow the comfortable silence to lull him to sleep.
Tsunade was once again walking through the hospital corridor; it felt a bit easier this time. One of the nurses had confirmed Naruto was in the building and was currently visiting the Copy-nin who was due to be discharged in the next few minutes. Her godson was apparently in charge of making sure Kakashi didn't make a run for it. She remembered bits and pieces of the young boy that followed Minato around like a lost puppy, but he was Rio's jounin-sensei now. So much had changed in the village.
She finally came to the door and knocked, entering before they had the chance to answer. Naruto smiled at her from where he was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, apparently unsurprised to see her. Kakashi had just shrugged on his jounin vest but he froze in the middle of the movement.
"I have been discharged, Hokage-sama," he said immediately and Naruto snorted in laughter.
She had been told he was a flight risk so he was probably used to being told off by medical staff for leaving.
"It's alright," she dismissed. "I'm here to talk to Naruto."
Naruto cocked his head but slid off the bed, tightening his slightly frizzy ponytail as he stood. With a quiet 'thanks, Kakashi' he walked up to her and she went back out the door, the redhead following her. She took him to one of the examination rooms and placed the thick file she was carrying onto one of the tables. She turned to see Naruto locking the door and placing a seal onto the wooden frame.
"To keep anyone from listening in," he explained, turning resigned blue eyes back to her. "If I'm right then I don't want anyone to hear this. Kazuya said something?"
She gestured for him to sit on the edge of the examination table. He really was very observant; she was impressed.
"Are you okay with this?" She asked gently. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable and it's your right as a patient to have a say in who treats you. If you say no, then I'll respect that and assign someone more suitable."
Naruto's face slackened in surprise but no matter how much Tsunade wanted to help, she was a medic nin first which meant consent was her priority, not her feelings. She could compartmentalise this. She would have to if she wanted to be of any use.
"I mean, I don't know if you'll be able to do anything," he said slowly. "But I guess you're the best, so yeah, I'm okay."
She nodded, flipping open the file. It was a rare occasion that she saw one as thick and complicated as this one. What she'd read had been both horrifying and concerning but she was determined not to lose hope. She had to be able to do something.
"If you take off your vest and shirt, we can start with a bit of history and clinical examinations."
Naruto dumped the items of clothing on the bed next to him and Tsunade had a chance to see the scars and tattoos that the file detailed in person. The tattoo on his left did in fact go from his fingertips to his shoulder, like Jiraiya had described. That one was a chakra blocker so he couldn't use that hand in any seals or jutsu. He had three in a triangle formation on each side of his ribcage and another, slightly bigger three surrounding his belly button. Those were storage ones, she was pretty sure. Jiraiya had mentioned another on the back of his shoulder that was responsible for changing his appearance and he had a final one on his collarbone that looked like the Uzushio symbol.
"Do you want to tell me about where the scars came from and any lingering damage from them?"
"I thought that was all in my file," Naruto raised a single red eyebrow.
"I find it's better if I hear it from you," she reassured.
Naruto shrugged and pointed to the faint white line on his face.
"I got this during the Kyūbi attack the same time I got the damage in my arm," he began, pointing a thick, gnarled one on his abdomen. "I got this one when I was kidnapped. They stabbed me while I was escaping. No permanent damage, it just took a while to heal. The others are pretty small and mostly from missions or training accidents."
He paused before pointing to his clothed thigh a little too proudly.
"I got a great one on my thigh," he grinned. "Rio stabbed me with a kunai while he was playing catch with Sasuke."
"I don't think that can be qualified as 'great'" Tsunade said dubiously. "Can you tell me more about your illness?"
Naruto visibly deflated.
"I mean, I was diagnosed when I was six after I made a dumb mistake. The way they explained it, when I pushed chakra through my arm for a jutsu, I disrupted the healing pathways. They were delicate after the Kyūbi attack but that kind of pushed it over the edge. It also released some of the Kyūbi's chakra that got stored in the cells of the scar tissue and that spread to my chest and abdomen. It's corrosive and no one can extract it since it moved out of my chakra pathways and into the tissue itself. It's just kind of very slowly eating away at my organs."
That was a visceral way of describing it.
"I'm going to examine you, okay? The technique might feel a bit warm or tingly but that's completely normal."
He nodded and she stepped forward, coating her hands in green medical chakra. As she began to run it up his left arm and she asked him to describe some of the symptoms he'd been experiencing.
"The usual; I'm tired and dizzy, lost my appetite, I feel like my body is stiff and heavy like it's hard to move," he recited, obviously having had to do this before. "I cough blood when it's really bad and the nausea comes and goes. I'm really prone to colds and flu; basically if there is a bug or virus going around then I'll most likely get it. It also takes way more out of me than it would healthy people. I remember Yakushi-sensei saying that my immune system was weaker than most and that was a normal part of this kind of chronic illness. Recently I…"
He stopped and Tsunade moved her hands to his back, beginning to examine his heart and lungs.
"It's okay," she prompted.
"I can't sleep," he finally said. "I mean I get naps and maybe a few hours, but usually I just collapse out of exhaustion every so often. That or I fall asleep and wake up like fifteen hours later. I don't do that often since I have work and the kids but it's happened a couple times in the last month."
She finished by scanning his liver and kidney, finally stepping back and going to sit in the seat so they were roughly at the same level. She felt like she was going to be sick but she could hold it together for a little longer. She couldn't show Naruto her true feelings, not if she wanted to be the one to treat him.
"How do you manage the symptoms?" She asked instead, the full, awful picture piecing itself together in her mind.
"I drink ginger tea?" He offered weakly. "I kind of just don't. I let it run its course and manage it when it comes. I've gotten really good at hiding it so I can control them to a certain extent for a short period of time."
This was worse than Tsunade had imagined. She knew it was bad from reading his files alone but the examination and history was even worse. What had his last doctor been doing?
"Look, I know I'm terminal," Naruto said bluntly, surprising her. "So there's nothing you can say that would make it worse."
"I can't stop it, not completely." Saying those words felt like pulling teeth. She was meant to be the best in her field yet she couldn't even save her godson? "I can slow it down and make it a bit easier to live with. I can maybe get you a few more years but I don't think you'll make it past twenty-five at most."
Tsunade hated having to even utter those words but she had to be honest with him; it was the least he deserved. Naruto just nodded, as if he was hearing everything he'd expected.
"Chronic illness is more about management than treatment," she expanded. "The damage that has already been done is irreversible but I can bring you in for weekly healing sessions that can at least slow down the rate of decay. I can also put you on medications that will help with the symptoms."
Naruto immediately looked uncomfortable at the mention of medications.
"I don't want to take pills."
"We can find ones that keep the side effects to a minimum but managing the symptoms will help with your overall health," she insisted. "Having a well-managed condition might even extend your time by a year or two. I don't know why no one has suggested this to you sooner."
"Kazuya has done the best he can," Naruto said defensively. "He makes sure I get my vitamins and that I eat and everything. I take some painkillers when it's at its worst but I didn't want to take anything else."
"What about your last doctor?"
"He did suggest medication a few years ago but I said no. I didn't want the side effects and it was better to deal with the symptoms I knew than learn to have to deal with new ones."
"There had to be some other form of care though?"
Naruto hesitated this time.
"I'm terminal," he said quietly. "There was nothing they could do to stop it."
"I'm not talking about that." She shook her head. "Management still should have been a discussion; even patients with only a few years to live deserve to be able to have good quality of life for those years."
Naruto's mouth dropped open and that's when Tsunade realized that this had never occurred to the kid. He had just been handed a shitty lot in life and been expected to deal with it. She was sure there would be people lining up to help him but he refused to tell anyone which she had to respect.
"I honestly don't know how you've managed to hide this level of illness from people but you can't continue like this. Please let me help you; we can control most of the symptoms you've mentioned. It would even make it easier to hide. I can't promise it will be perfect but it will be miles better than how things are now."
Naruto mulled over her words for a long moment. She could see the cogs turning behind his eyes.
"Okay, I'll try a couple at most," he gave in.
Tsunade couldn't stop the proud smile that spread across her face.
"Thank you," she sighed in relief. "If you come to my office on Sunday morning, I will have them ready for you. We can trial them to see if they work for you or if we need to try other ones."
Naruto nodded as he hopped off the table, shrugging his shirt and jounin vest back on. He turned to leave when Tsunade called after him.
"You know you won't be able to hide this forever? The medications and healing will only do so much."
He stopped but didn't turn back to face her.
"I know."
He left and Tsunade was left to write up his notes. This wasn't the way she'd expected to get to know her godson but if she could do anything to make him more comfortable or to give him a few more years, she wouldn't hesitate. He deserved a lot more support than he had been given and Tsunade hated to imagine him suffering for all these years. She wouldn't fail him again.
Rio slid into the booth, holding up his hands in apology.
"Sorry I'm late," he said quickly. "I had to run to the Mission Assignment Desk to hand in my report from my mission with Jiraiya. Nii-san was expecting it and I only finished it this morning."
"He made you write a report?" Chouji asked, already munching on something in front of him.
"Usually it's the team leader that writes the report but due the importance of the mission and the encounter with Orochimaru, they need every angle of the mission to hand over to the Intelligence Department," Shikamaru spoke up and Rio stared at him in surprise.
The Nara then proceeded to drop his head onto the table with a loud thunk.
"I've spent too much time at the desk," he groaned, muffled by the wood beneath his face.
"I never realized how much was involved in leading a team," Ino nodded. "I'll never look at Asuma-sensei the same way again."
Rio's eyebrows rose in surprise. For some reason, he didn't expect anything to change in the month he'd been away. He'd managed to find a time to meet up with his friends, even if only Team Ten and Sakura could go. Team Eight and Nine were out on missions and Sasuke was still on guard duty.
"Also Rio, I feel like it is my legal obligation to inform you that your brother is insane," Shikamaru drawled, just barely raising his head off the table's surface.
Rio still wasn't used to seeing his old friend wearing a chunin vest. It was slightly big on him but suited him in a way Rio hadn't expected. His words caught his attention.
"Wait, why is Nii-san insane?"
"I genuinely have no idea how he's alive," Shikamaru elaborated. "He probably single-handedly kept this village running while we didn't have a Hokage from how much work he did."
"I think you're being a bit dramatic," Sakura raised an eyebrow.
Shikamaru lifted his head fully and rolled his eyes.
"Okay, maybe not single-handedly but you have to admit he was everywhere."
"Yeah, I kind of noticed that." Ino brushed the end of her ponytail back over her shoulder. "He talked me through how to write and submit reports and I swear half the village traipsed through his office."
"He always brings his work home with him," Sakura added. "Every time I went into the apartment, if he was home he was at the kitchen table sorting through paperwork or seals."
Rio hadn't expected to talk about Nii-san so much when meeting up with his friends but it was a reminder that he still needed to talk to him. He had so much to learn about Nii-san. He was obviously much more important to the village than he let on to Rio.
"So you guys have been a team?" He changed the topic. He'd rather ask Nii-san about this himself.
"Yeah, since you were away and Sasuke and Shikamaru were promoted, Naruto just put me on Team Ten," Sakura answered. "We've just been helping civilians and rebuilding what we could. It's been all D-ranks but I feel like we've actually made a difference."
"It was interesting being able to get to know some of the civilians," Chouji added. "Being from a clan, we never really had a reason to speak to them since we generally keep to the compound unless we visit the other clans."
"Yeah, I totally agree," Ino grinned. "We managed to bag some more businesses for Yamanaka Flowers to supply and some of the chunins totally like me. I'm going to ace the next Chunin Exams."
"I saw Hideki-sensei hide when he saw you enter the room more than once," Sakura accused in good humour.
"Lies."
"I saw it too, Ino."
"My own team is turning against me." Ino raised a palm to her forehead as if she were about to faint. "I don't think I'm ever going to get over the betrayal."
The three broke into fits of laughter and even Shikamaru smiled slightly as he watched them. Rio forced a smile onto his face but internally he didn't know what to feel. Sakura and Ino's relationship appeared to have evolved again into something even stronger. He didn't think he'd ever seen Sakura speak this much to Shikamaru and Chouji either. They had changed since he'd left with Jiraiya. They had inside jokes and an easy camaraderie that Rio felt he couldn't join; he was missing too much context.
He kept trying to tell himself that this was natural. They weren't going to stay the same forever and he knew he had changed while away on the mission. Not noticeably, but meeting so many new people and experiencing so many different towns was inevitably going to have an effect on him. He knew if he was ever offered the chance to leave the village on another trip he would take it in a heartbeat. He loved travelling and the complete freedom that came with it. He learned things that he wouldn't have ever encountered within the village walls. He was forging his own path under his own terms.
He just felt a bit sad; it felt like they'd lost something. The memories of their time in the academy felt so far away. There was a level of anxiety about how his relationships would continue to change and he tried to tell himself that it would be for the better. He'd been away for a while. He would get back into the swing of things soon and it would all go back to normal; or as close to normal as things could be right now.
"So what was it like learning from one of the Sannin?" Ino leaned forward curiously, jolting Rio out of his musings.
Rio shoved his thoughts to the back of his mind, focusing on the here and now. There was no point in worrying about the future if he didn't appreciate the present he already had.
"Well, first of all," he paused for dramatic effect, "he is a massive pervert."
He laughed at their outraged response and continued to talk about his time away. Things would be okay. He wasn't going to lose his friends; they weren't out of his reach. A little time away wouldn't be enough to take away what they had.
Naruto paused to let Momo sniff the corner of one of the buildings. The beautiful morning sunshine brightened up the village around them and a gentle breeze caressed his cheeks. It wasn't too busy yet but he could see the villagers starting their day. He loved moments like this; it reminded him of how much he loved Konoha. It was the small, everyday things.
Momo was apparently satisfied with her investigations into that particular corner and they resumed walking. She was all grown up; Naruto could remember when she first came to live with them. She'd been so small and fuzzy. Her peach coat now faded beautifully into the cream beneath her chin and on her belly, her fluffy tail curling over her back and her perked ears twitched at every sound. Her intelligent brown eyes took in the sights around them with the same joy and curiosity she had every day and Naruto hoped she never changed. The Shiba Inu was a constant source of comfort; he knew he was never really alone with her around.
"So Kakashi has taken the kids on a trip?"
Naruto nodded as he turned his head to look at his best friend. They were maintaining a slow pace for Kazuya but Naruto marveled at the progress he'd made. Only last week he'd still been visiting the brunet in the hospital with what looked like weeks of recovery still to go. Now he was walking right next to Naruto; granted with a cane but that was still miles ahead of where he'd been.
His hair had grown slightly past his eyes in the couple of months he'd been hospitalized and he was wrapped in a thick grey cardigan; he'd lost a lot of weight and muscle. The bags beneath his eyes were starting to fade and while he was still pale, the hollowness in his cheeks had started to fill out again. The medical education assignment had done wonders for his mental health and Naruto had caught him smiling more in the past two days than in the past month. Kazuya had never been good at putting up a front; Naruto could see the frustration and sadness and anger at his situation.
He hoped that now he could start moving, he'd work through that. He hadn't said anything but he knew Kazuya had lost a lot of confidence. Usually he was the first to insert himself into any social situation, normally to get the freshest gossip, but he took great pains to avoid his colleagues when he went in for physiotherapy. The only thing that might help is time and Naruto was prepared to do anything he could to help; it was the least he could do after everything Kazuya had done for him.
"Yeah," he nodded. "He thinks that since they've all been apart for a while that they needed a bonding session. I'm pretty sure he's planning to tie their wrists together and unleash them into the wilderness to see how long they can evade him together."
"And Sasuke agreed to this?"
"Apparently training is training," he shrugged. "He was looking for a break from guard duty anyway."
Kazuya laughed for a moment before becoming thoughtful.
"Has Kakashi been talking to Genma-sensei again? He did that training exercise with us when he was preparing us for the Kumo Chunin Exams, right?"
Naruto remained silent, looking away from his friend.
"Naruto! Don't tell me you gave up our secrets!"
"Don't tell the kids?" Naruto asked weakly.
Kazuya shook his head but the smile remained on his face.
"That exercise really wasn't fair on Genma-sensei, not with you and Hana on our team," he continued. "It might be better since Kakashi is a tracking expert but I feel kind of bad for the kids. Rio might do well with his enhanced senses but the other two are in for a ride."
Naruto had to agree with him.
"You're keeping tabs on them, right?"
He nodded, feeling their signatures at the very edge of his range. Thankfully Kakashi didn't take them very far but his range had improved either way; he'd had it extended to its maximum since the attack so it was bound to get better. It had taken some adjustment to filter the incredible volume of information so it didn't overwhelm him but he'd gotten into a rhythm now.
"Uzumaki-sama?"
They stopped to see a woman approaching with a shy smile. Her long platinum hair and pale blue eyes were a dead giveaway of her clan and she was around their age, maybe older. She wore the standard chunin uniform and an old memory sparked in Naruto's brain.
"Yamanaka Yui, right?" He smiled back. "You helped with the interrogations on the Oto nin. I've heard Morino-san say you were pretty good."
"Morino-san said that?" She stopped in front of them, holding out a hand for Momo to sniff.
"Well, as close as Morino-san can get to giving a compliment," he chuckled.
She laughed with him, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"I don't really compare to you, Uzumaki-sama."
Internally he groaned but kept the friendly grin in place.
"Please call me Naruto," he asked lightly. "You really don't need to keep calling me that. The people in my department do it as a joke."
She flushed a light pink, shyly looking away from him. Naruto frowned; surely it wasn't that much of a task for her to call him by his name? She didn't need to be embarrassed. He tried to ask everyone at least a few times before he gave up. Was it too much to ask that he be called by his name?
"Of course…Naruto-san."
He was too busy reveling in his victory to notice the glances she kept sending him.
"Thanks, Yui-san," he smiled widely. "One person down, the whole of Konoha to go, right?"
She laughed a bit too hard and Naruto raised an eyebrow questioningly. It hadn't been that funny.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" She asked eagerly. "I know a lovely place just down the street."
Naruto shook his head apologetically.
"I don't have time right now," he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, "but I can mention something to Morino-san about taking pastries to the meeting in a couple of weeks? I'm sure our teams could benefit from getting to know each other better!"
He was confused when Yui sagged slightly in disappointment, even as she tried to hide it with an enthusiastic smile. Surely improving departmental relations could only be a good thing? She was the one who mentioned breakfast.
"Thanks, Yui-san," Kazuya interrupted, resting a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "We better get Momo back to our flat before work but Naruto will definitely consider your offer."
He shoved Naruto forward and he caught his footing, shooting Kazuya a dirty look. What offer? Why was he mouthing 'I'm so sorry' back to Yui-san?
"You can be so dense, you know that," Kazuya shook his head. "That poor girl."
"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked, annoyed.
"That girl has a massive crush on you," Kazuya answered pointedly. "She also just tried to ask you out and you didn't even notice; instead you said 'our teams could benefit from getting to know each other better'. Why did you start talking about that?"
"Why else would she suggest breakfast?" Naruto frowned. "I thought she wanted to talk about work or something so wouldn't it be better to have the rest of our departments there? I even took on her idea of having food there."
Kazuya face-palmed.
"Does it even occur to you? I mean, you're almost sixteen now." He asked seriously. "Are you interested in anybody?"
"No," Naruto said honestly. "I don't look at people and think 'they're hot' or 'I would like to kiss them'. It just doesn't occur to me, Kaz. I don't get it. I have no interest in pursuing something like that and even if I did, that's just one more person at my funeral."
Kazuya considered his words.
"You really never think about that stuff?"
Naruto shook his head.
"I thought you were all faking it for a while," he shrugged. "Like I have no concept of what it is that makes you look at someone and think about having sex with them. I don't get any of it. I don't even see the appeal of dating; there's a bunch of expectations that come with a relationship that I know I can't match and I have enough going on to worry about navigating all that shit."
He sighed.
"Sometimes I feel like everyone knows something that I don't, that I'm missing the piece of the puzzle that will make the whole thing make sense. The issue is if you have never experienced it, how do you know what it is?"
He squared his shoulders, looking over at his friend with determined eyes.
"But you know what? I don't think I'm missing anything. Sure, I don't spend my days thinking about sex or relationships but I have loads of other stuff that makes me happy. I have people that make me happy and fulfilled and that I have a connection with. I don't see why the platonic parts of a relationship matter less than romantic ones; I think they matter more."
He let out a heavy breath. He hadn't intended on letting all of that out. He knew Kaz and his team had an idea, but they thought he would grow out of it or that he just didn't have time for that stuff. It was true that he didn't have the time but he also didn't have the desire. He didn't think they really understood that it wasn't even a thought. He'd much rather just sit on the couch with Momo and work on seals or spend time with the kids or his friends.
He waited for Kazuya to process his words, listening to the growing bustle of activity around them. He knew he was different from his teammates. They took after their jounin-sensei. He was different to almost everyone he knew but his asexuality was only a small part of that. Between raising his kids from such a young age, graduating early, his position at the desk, his fūinjutsu, even his illness, Naruto had always felt like he was operating on a different wavelength from the people around him. He had people that got him so he didn't necessarily see it as a bad thing. He had a unique perspective and he was happy with the way he was.
"Thanks for explaining it to me."
His head snapped round so he could stare at Kazuya. He hadn't even realised they'd stopped moving. Kazuya offered him a subdued smile.
"I can't understand it but I don't have to, you know? How would I understand if I've never experienced it? But I can respect it; I'll stop teasing you about that kind of stuff. I've always got your back, you know that right?"
Naruto felt a burst of joy in his chest and he flung his arms around his brother.
"Thank you, Kazuya," he murmured into his friend's shoulder. He let go a little, still keeping his hands on Kazuya's shoulders. "You can still talk about all that stuff even if I don't get it. Some of your stories are hilarious and I don't want you to feel like you have to avoid the topic entirely. Just don't try and shove it onto me."
His joking tone at the end prompted a warm smile from Kazuya.
"You got it, Aka-chan."
I look at that conversation between Kazuya and Naruto and this meme always comes to mind:
Kazuya: I sometimes look at a person and abruptly have a strong urge to have sex with them
Naruto: Okay…that sounds fake but okay
Also I had quite a few comments worried about Tsunade magically curing Naruto and I hope y'all feel better about that. I wanted to reassure you earlier but 'spoilers'.
Thanks for reading!
