Apollo stared grimly at his boss through the bulletproof glass through one unbandaged eye.

Phoenix Wright let out a long, weary sigh before seating himself, once again, before a familiar (if battered) face, down at the detention center. He wondered why this sort of situation seemed to be an everyday occurrence at the Wright Anything Agency. Maybe restless spirits clung to the place. Phoenix considered calling Maya in to perform an exorcism. Or maybe it was them: trouble had a way of finding the eccentric residents of the office.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" be asked Apollo.

Apollo heaved a sigh himself, as long and weary as his mentor's. "If you'll recall, you were the one who assigned me to the Alucard case," he answered a little testily. "Why you couldn't take it yourself is beyond me."

"I could hardly pretend to be married to Klavier," Mr. Wright protested, which Apollo had to concede was a fair point, given their unfortunate history. "Besides, it only took a bit of light persuasion—"

"You threatened to make me clean the toilet for a month!"

Mr. Wright chuckled. "Look, why don't you start from when you left the office on Monday, and we'll go from there."

Apollo took a deep breath. "Well, I reluctantly took the case and went to the courthouse..."


Chief Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth glared at the receptionist until she withered and told him the room number. Then he glared at the nurse until she mumbled an excuse and backed out the door. Then he glared at Klavier.

"Guten Tag, Herr Edgeworth!" Klavier said brightly. He sat up too quickly, then winced and slowly eased himself back down. "Scheisse," he groaned, burying his face in his hands.

Edgeworth crossed his arms. "I am eagerly awaiting your explanation, Prosecutor Gavin," he said.

"Ouch, is that any way to greet a guy who nearly died? Thanks for your concern," Klavier retorted.

Edgeworth was unmoved. "For your information, I received your medical report on the way over, and as such, I knew you were not in any imminent danger. Please give your report now."

Klavier glanced warily at the Chief Prosecutor's furrowing brow and tapping finger. "Fine, alright," he said. "You assured me your plan would work, but I hadn't even left the courthouse when trouble started..."


"I don't know why I have to take your name," Apollo grumbled, idly twisting his ring. The weight of it sat cool and unfamiliar on his finger. Stop that, he chastised himself firmly: it was a tell visible a mile away. He'd need his tells under control if he had any hope of infiltrating the Newlyweds Getaway Resort.

"It makes us seem more enamored, ja?" Klavier reminded him insufferably.

Of all prosecutors, why did it have to be Mr. Rock Star himself that he was saddled with being married to? Were his boss and the Chief Prosecutor out to personally torment him? The ring bumped against his fingers, an unforgettable annoyance akin to a buzzing mosquito which he longed to swat.

"Stop that," he mumbled. "Better him than either of the Paynes." Or the fearsome Blackquill-Taka duo. Possibly he might have preferred Franziska, or even the Chief Prosecutor himself: they'd certainly blather less. Unfortunately, the chance of either one pulling off the ruse was slim to none. No, Klavier was the only option, he had to admit. "Let's get this over with," he sighed.

Klavier winked. "Over with? Schatzi, our marriage is just getting started."


"... And then he swooped into the resort and went, 'It's time to rock, baby!' He pulled out his guitar and started a live concert right there in the lobby! All the receptionists all abandoned the desk to swoon over him, and it took an hour to check in!" Apollo griped.

Phoenix gave him an unimpressed look. "Are you sure that's really what happened?"

"Yes! The magatama would tell you if I were lying, right?" Apollo protested.

"Geez, Apollo, for someone so perceptive, your perception can really skew some details. I know you're not lying, I'm just wondering if your account is entirely objective," Phoenix pressed.

"Look, boss, do you want to hear my account or not?"

"Sorry. Go on."

"Thank you." Apollo held a finger to his forehead, thinking. "The first day's activity was the worst monster of team building activities. It was held in the conference hall..."


"I'm fine," Apollo muttered at the instructions in his hands reading BILLY. It looked simple enough, they'd just have to be careful to get the boards facing the right way. He thoughtfully noted the shading, a subtle clue hinting at an unfinished surface. He picked up a particle-board plank and carefully examined the direction of the grain on each side.

A loud bang made him jump. He looked up in dismay to find Klavier standing over a half-assembled rectangle, screws and wooden pegs jutting out of the slapdash frame.

"What are you doing?" Apollo bellowed, forgetting to rein in his Chords of Steel. Several couples nearby gave him irritated looks.

"Building our bookshelf, as we were told to," Klavier said blithely, as if that answered anything.

"Stop! You didn't read the instructions—how do you know where anything goes?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? You just put pegs in all the holes." He winked.

Apollo ignored the obvious innuendo. "But how do you know which way it's facing—"

Klavier laughed. "These are rectangles, Schatzi, they're the same every way!"

Apollo seethed and hammered with extra vehemence. In that whole session, he did not have another minute to read the instructions, as Klavier clearly would have plowed on without him. At least this way he could keep an eye on Klavier's unique brand of chaos, and hopefully head off any major mistakes.


"... And when the bookcase was completed, both the bottom and top slats had been set in backwards, so the finished side was facing back and the raw side was facing front. I told him the orientation mattered! It was proof of the incompatibility of our partnership, professional or otherwise!"

Mr. Wright was, unbearably, fighting back laughter. His mouth was wobbling so much that Apollo thought even a person with normal perception could see it, and perhaps even an oblivious person.

Apollo glared.

When Mr. Wright had finally gotten his breathing back under control, he rudely said, "Come on Apollo, Billy the Bookcase? Even I can build that one!"

"Yeah, if you sit back and let the Chief Prosecutor call the shots!" Apollo snapped back.

"Ok fine, I have an advantage on you there," Mr. Wright conceded, ignoring Apollo's incredulous snort. "Though that is surprising... Klavier has an excellent eye for detail in his cases, you'd think he'd be good at furniture assembly too. Anyway!" He continued quickly, seeing Apollo's mouth opening to argue. "So you did not encounter the suspects during your first, ah, exercise. Let's move on to the second day."

Apollo grimaced. "Alright, that's fair. Let's see, on the second day, we were told to share what we liked about each other..."


"... He wouldn't say a single nice thing!" Klavier groused to a bemused Edgeworth. "He was still pouting just because I played one song for a fan when we checked in, and he had to wait three measly minutes, and the room had only one bed."

"Ah, Prosecutor Gavin, are you sure that you did not... improvise... during your performance?" Edgeworth asked doubtfully.

"What? Nein, of course not!" Klavier sputtered, indignant. "Anyway, when it was my turn to tell him what I liked about him, I poured my soul out! I praised his fiery passion and his ringing voice when he argues in court. I waxed poetic about his face and his body. His eyes, his hair, and his lips—"

"Lips?" sputtered Edgeworth, turning pink.

"Ja, and his biceps, and his shoulders, and his ass—"

"Stop right there, Gavin! I do not want to hear another word of what you said to him!"

"Said? Who said anything about saying? No, I serenaded him, with music as lovely and poetic as the sunrise, as any romantic newlywed ought to do! I am excellent at playing my role!"

Edgeworth dropped his face into his hand and sighed for thirty solid seconds.

"Dare I ask how Mr. Justice received this... astounding confession?"

Klavier's face fell. "Not well, Herr Edgeworth. He turned very red and screamed 'For the love of God!' so loudly the windows rattled... and ran away."

"My, what a shock." Edgeworth did not sound shocked. "Perhaps next time you'll express your feelings with more... subtlety."

"What use are feelings if you're being subtle?" Klavier grumbled. "Feelings are made for rocking."


"... He serenaded me with notes and lyrics so foul, I shudder to call it music!" Apollo really did shudder at the memory of it.

"Hey, that's not nice," Mr. Wright reprimanded him. "When someone bares his soul to you, try to be gracious."

"It's not really his soul," Apollo protested. "It's all an act, remember? So I thought, if he was going to embarrass me by acting like that, well two can play at that game. So the next day, when we were supposed to work through an argument together, well I thought we're not really married, so I have to make something up."

It sounded weirdly defensive, the words tumbling out in a rush of unnecessary explanations, that Apollo cringed to hear himself. He was not at all surprised when Mr. Wright got that aggravated look and his eyes focused over Apollo's chest.

"How many locks?" Apollo asked in resignation.

"Just the one," Mr. Wright said. "Do I want to know?"

"I didn't think it was that bad. I'd forgotten about that case," Apollo said quietly, slumping. Even his hair was wilting in dismay. "I told him I hated his friends."

For once, Mr. Wright seemed struck speechless. His mouth dropped open.

"Daryan," Apollo helpfully supplied, and the lock splintered away.

"I gathered that," Mr. Wright said quietly.


"—You know he wasn't thinking of Daryan," Edgeworth told Klavier quietly.

"I know that now, yes." Klavier covered his eyes with his hand. "At the time, I erm, got a little angry, and I may have said, 'Your taste in people isn't so great yourself, you worked under two mentors and they both forged evidence—'"


"—So then I said, 'You grew up with one and didn't see it, you'd miss the nose on your own face because you don't take anything seriously.'" Apollo hung his head, the long ends of the bandage fluttering. "I deserved the black eye he gave me."

"Yeah," Mr. Wright agreed.

They sat quietly, lost in thought.

After a long moment, Mr. Wright posed a question. "Apollo, you know he takes his work very seriously, yet he acts like... all that. In accordance and in contradiction. Can you figure out why?"

He was using his mentor voice, so Apollo knew it was important. "Pursuant and contrary, in accordance and in contradiction," he muttered to himself. It sounded like a riddle that he was failing to solve, the answer hovering just out of reach.

"Well, think on it," Mr. Wright said. "Tell me what happened after he decked you."

"The staff pulled us apart, and Klavier was actually shaking when he said, 'I want a divorce,'" Apollo said quietly. "My bracelet didn't tighten at all and I thought, he really means it. I never meant to make him so upset. He took off back to the room and I went after him..."


"Klavier?" Apollo called, slowly entering their shared room and found Klavier sprawled facedown over the single bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." He trailed off in horror. The afternoon sun glinted through the window, illuminating Klavier's golden curls in brilliant gold, and casting the crimson stain in equally ruthless clarity. Vivid splatters covered the bed, staining Klavier's beautiful hair and seeping into the sheets. Apollo's breath caught in his throat. Before he could take a single step, or even reach for his emergency signaler, something grabbed him from behind. Rough hands bound his wrists behind his back and gagged him, and a hooded figure approached from the front with a bat, smirking.

"Oh, we got a fun one, didn't we? I knew you were undercover, but I didn't expect you to be this bad at it," the figure said. "You two can't even keep up the act for a single day! Not even a single session! Want to find out what happens to little snoops like you?"

"Wrrrnmph!" Apollo protested into the gag, thrashing. A heavy hand shoved him down to his knees. He struggled to lift his head up with his arms wrenched behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Klavier stirring on the bed.

The masked assailant pulled down her hood, revealing a cruel, scarred face that Apollo recognized from his folder of profiles. "Alayna Alucard," he mumbled into the gag.

Alucard tilted up his chin. "What was it lover boy said about your pretty face? Oh, that it was a sunflower blazing like the sunset? Such a pity we'll ruin it. It's a good thing he didn't mean any of it. Hold his arms, Norman." She raised the bat.

"Stop!" Klavier had pushed himself up, resting a hand on his bloodied temple. "I did mean it. I meant every word of it!"

Apollo felt the hands restraining him falter. Ah, so the assistant does not like to involve civilians. He caught Klavier's eye.

Klavier looked pale and frightened, but he continued anyway. "We're not undercover! We're married," he insisted, sliding off the bed and stumbling over on unsteady legs. "I love him, and I'll prove it to you!"

Oddly, the bracelet did not tighten. Apollo waited in frozen shock while Klavier knelt down, took his face in both hands, and tugged the gag loose. His thumb gently brushed over his cheekbones, and his face came closer.

The room faded from his senses and narrowed down to just Klavier's pursed lips, pressing softly into his with a hesitant but earnest push. He leaned into the kiss for one second, two, three, and then Klavier's lips were tugging faintly on his as he pulled away. Apollo stared at him, stunned. Klavier's hands moved to tangle in his hair. He pulled Apollo's head against his shoulder, his fingers running along his scalp, and Apollo could swear he heard a wistful sigh coming from Norman behind him.

"How was that, Schatzi?" Klavier murmured into his ear.

Alucard tapped the bat against the ground and cleared her throat. "As romantic as this little reunion has been, I'm breaking it up by making you break up. Ha, see what I did there?"

"Um, boss?" Norman mumbled. "Do we have to? They seem cute."

"Yes, of course we have to! We can't let undercover attorneys swan into our operations! This is going to be a message for all of them!"

"But boss, if we kill them, won't they send more after us?"

"Norman, you blockhead, let me do the thinking." Turning to Klavier, she raised the bat. "And by break up, I meant just break. Ready to watch your little sunflower get crushed to dust?"

"Nein," Klavier said, rising to stand before Apollo, his eyes shining with pooled tears and some indescribable emotion. He smiled, resigned but oddly happy, and winked at Apollo. "I'm glad I got to marry you. I'm sorry I've done a poor job showing it, but I hope you'll believe me when I say, there is nothing in the world I've ever taken more seriously."

Dawning horror coursed through Apollo as Klavier turned to face Alucard, standing in a halo of sunlight like a heroic portrait. "No," he gasped, flinging himself forwards, only to be restrained and flattened by Norman.

Ignoring Apollo's protests, Klavier said, "Take me instead."

"Gladly."

Apollo wailed as the bat smashed into Klavier's arm with a sickening crack. Klavier dropped to his knees, one arm hanging limply by his side. The next hit caught Klavier in the back, and he fell forward groaning, blond curls tumbling over his shoulder in blood-drenched waves.

Alucard drew a gun. "Bye bye, pretty boy," he said.

Apollo squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

The door burst open. And a shot rang out.


"—That's when the detectives got there," Klavier said. "I'd pressed the emergency signal when I woke up, after being bludgeoned the first time. Honestly, it was all pretty hazy from then on."

"You have a penchant for dramatic performances," Edgeworth sighed. "Though I'll thank you to exercise more caution in the future. Good prosecutors are hard to replace, you are fortunate that the bullet missed your heart. You gave Mr. Justice quite the scare."

"Apollo was really sweet," Klavier sighed dreamily. "He pouts when he cries, did you know? He kept yelling You're fine at me, nearly burst my eardrums. I thought that if I had to die, bleeding out in his arms wasn't a bad way to go."

"I urge you to rethink that conclusion, Gavin. It's a pretty bad way to go."

"Well at least I had the illusion that he might care for me... really care for me, and not just the rock star version, you know? Even if it was just because I was dying."

Edgeworth heaved a massive sigh. "I think you'll find that many care for Klavier Gavin, if you'll let Mr. Rock Star Prosecutor take a back seat."

"Perhaps one day. For now, after everything... I can't face my mistakes any other way than as a performer. It seems to go against the gravity of the courtroom, but our goals are aligned."

Edgeworth nodded. "Contrary and pursuant. Well, regardless, Mr. Justice cares for you even when you're not dying."

"That's kind of you to say," Klavier laughed bitterly. "He couldn't stand to be married to me, even for a week."

"That's not true," Edgeworth replied, a strange, sentimental light in his eyes. "When he was arrested—don't give me that look, you know the protocol for uninjured parties at a known mafia rendezvous point—he invoked the Armando Clause to see you. Yes, that law granting permission for incarcerated family members to visit patients in critical condition. He was here for three consecutive days and nights until your condition stabilized."

"Ah." Klavier said. It felt too momentous for words.

Edgeworth looked at his watch and stood. "He's probably being cleared of all charges right around now," he added, a small smile crossing his tired face, and it occurred to Klavier that Edgeworth might not have slept too easily in the days since either.

Just then, the door burst open, and Apollo came bursting in with his eyes wild and his hair in disarray. Edgeworth gave him a polite nod and a knowing look and quietly slipped out the door.

Apollo slowly approached the bed, his lip trembling, looking one breath away from tears.

"Hey, Schatzi," Klavier said with a small, nervous smile.

Apollo's face broke into a wide grin. He carefully took his hand. Sunlight glinted off the ring, the metal a warm and reassuring weight.

"Hi, dear," he said.


Author's notes: Other AI colors used in story: For the Love of God, Light Persuasion, Monster of Team, Oh We Got A Fun