AN: Sorry about the long break in between uploads. Life has been busy lately. Hope you enjoy the new chapter! Don't forget to leave comments and let me know what you think.
Chapter 5
The Broken Pieces
"Stop! Please!" My sudden cry woke me up from my nightmare, just as the phone started ringing. I heard Charlie make a mad dash from the bathroom into his room to pick up the phone. It was still the middle of the night, so who knew what this call was about.
Due to keeping the door slightly open in case I needed help in the middle of the night, I was able to hear the muffled phone conversation. Apparently Charlie hadn't heard me startle out of my sleep and thought that I was still asleep.
"Hello?" Charlie said in a gruff whisper. There was a pause while he waited for a reply. "Are you sure?" Another pause, and then he hurriedly said, "Thanks for letting me know Mrs. Stanley, I'll look into it."
I heard him hang up the phone and start grumbling aloud about something.
"Billy, do you know what's going on? I just got a panicked phone call from Mrs. Stanley. She said she could see fires on the cliffs from her windows." Charlie paused while he listened to Billy. When he started up again, he was definitely getting louder and more irritated. "Is that so? Dr. Cullen is a great man and the best doctor that this town has EVER seen! We were lucky to have him here! And those kids of his never gave me one lick of trouble!" He paused again while Billy spoke. "Yeah, well you tell them to keep things in check down there. I won't stand to have any fires get out of hand. If they do, I'll make sure those boys are adequately penalized!" Charlie slammed down the phone in a huff and continued to grumble while he turned the lights back out and climbed back into bed.
So, the guys down on the reservation were excited about the Cullens leaving? I knew that they had issues with them, but I never really thought they'd go so far as to celebrate with huge bonfires down on the cliffs. It must've been a pretty big party for Mrs. Stanley to see them from her upstairs window and call Charlie about them. Just what could've happened that made the whole reservation absolutely hate the Cullens? To anyone else, they were the epitome of perfection and enviable wherever they went. They were all very polite and obeyed the laws…well, except the traffic laws. I couldn't help but chuckle at that. I knew that all the Cullens loved to drive fast! It was scary to ride with them, but at the same time, I knew I'd be safe.
I couldn't help it when I started thinking of them, but thinking of the Cullens brought back the tears again. How could I ever stop thinking about them? They changed my life drastically when they entered it. They became my whole world, all of them, not just Edward. I felt more like…me, when I was around them. I never had to 'play the part' like I did with every other person I knew. Edward had been the love of my life and someone I could talk to for hours and hours without getting bored. Alice, my pixie best friend, she was the best best friend that anyone could ever even dream of and she was the sister that I never had. Jasper, so quiet and strong, I just knew that there were layers to him. His stoicism was not for nothing. Rosalie, she was a fierce protector of her family. I knew that there was more to her than just her beauty, grace, and protectiveness, but she wouldn't let me get close enough to see it. I was hoping that Emmett would've helped break that wall down between us. Dear Emmett, the big burly teddy bear and clown! He was always good for a laugh and a pick-me-up whenever I needed it. Not to mention his unwavering strength and devotion he had for his family. Esme…she really became the mother that I never really had. She cared for me in ways that a mother should care for her daughter. I love Renée, I really do, but she's more like the friend that you have to constantly bail out of trouble. Her irresponsibleness has often been considered endearing, but not for a child that was forced to become responsible years before her time.
Carlisle…I wouldn't be here without him. Without Carlisle, Edward wouldn't have been turned. Without Edward being turned, I would've been crushed to death by Tyler's van. IF I had managed to survive it, I wouldn't be able to do or be much of anything since I'd likely have been crippled for life. Without Carlisle, I would've most likely been James' next meal when he came through town and caught a whiff of me. He did say that I smelled rather appetizing. Because of Carlisle, he was able to bring peace and happiness to both Alice and Jasper when they were able to join his family. Without Carlisle being who and what he was, Alice wouldn't have joined him and she wouldn't have seen me getting hit by Tyler's van and thus allow for Edward to save me. Then there have been the times where I have benefitted from his medical expertise. But the most important thing was how his kindness and compassion was able to comfort me and put me at ease without him even being in the room with me. My dreams of him after our conversation while he stitched me up, they did something to me on a level I never experienced before. He just could never do any wrong. He was perfect…but he wasn't mine.
That last thought had me crying into my pillow. I couldn't risk Charlie coming in here and asking me what was wrong if I woke him up again. The pieces of my broken heart would take time to put together again, but I just couldn't let on just how much pain I was in. The pieces of my heart were mine to put back together alone…somehow.
I continued to cry at the loss of my family and the hurt and pain I brought them. It took me another couple hours to fall asleep, but at least this time it was a dreamless sleep. The next time I woke, it was to the sound of Charlie thanking Dr. Gerandy for bringing over some crutches for me to use. After that, Charlie went to make some breakfast. It wasn't too long before he was coming up the stairs again.
"Mornin Bells," Charlie said after he nudged the door open.
"Mornin Dad," I replied, my voice still weak from both sleep and the all the screaming and crying I had done. "What's that?"
"Not sure it's really considered breakfast food, but the doc said your throat would be sore and suggested some chicken noodle soup. I brought some milk and some bread and crackers too. Thank goodness the soup is easy to heat up, right?" Charlie slightly chuckled and smiled slightly when he set the tray down across my legs after I sat up.
"Yeah," I said as I nodded and briefly smiled at him weakly. "Thanks."
Charlie left me alone shortly after that, only to return and bring the crutches and place them within my reach from my position on the bed. I smiled and nodded my thanks as I slowly ate my soup. He left again and went downstairs to turn on the TV.
The next few days was spent very much the same. I stayed in my room as much as I could, except for when I needed food, more ice for my ankle, and to use the bathroom. I tried to not let Charlie see just how much I was broken inside. Especially when I had later heard the lie the Cullens told everyone about their sudden departure. What was said was that Dr. Cullen had a sudden offer to a very prestigious hospital in Los Angeles, California and that Mrs. Cullen desperately wanted to go and see new things. I knew they wouldn't actually go to sunny California, so I wondered where they really went. The thoughts on that tugged at the few pieces of my heart that I had started putting back into place.
The nightmare I had on Sunday night, was not like most of the others I've had during the brief hours of sleep I've gotten since Edward had taken the whole family and left. This one, this one was more heart-wrenching. It actually started off very pleasant. We were all back in that dance hall like we had been when everything was still fine. I was dancing with everyone and having fun. This time though, Edward didn't dance with me. He actually glared at me. He glared at every man who dared to dance with me. He was even glaring at his brothers who were again saving me from the hormonal teenagers of our high school. Yet, his death stare was saved for Carlisle. We had danced once, but by the time the second dance was getting ready to start, I could see Edward make his way toward us. The next thing I knew, he was grabbing Carlisle by the shoulders and pulling him back and forcing him to leave. I cried out to him, begging them not to leave. But I was caught in the throng of people surrounding the dancers. The crowd had seemed to double in size from the time Carlisle was taken and by the time I had crossed the distance to where he had been standing across from me on the men's side of the line. My cries were falling on deaf ears as the music and the laughter of the crowd grew louder.
"STOP! PLEASE!" My screaming woke up Charlie. It took me a while to register his voice among the throng in my nightmare.
"Bells! Wake up! You're having a nightmare! Come on Bells! Wake up!"
"STOP! PLEASE! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Finally, his shaking me was enough to wake me. As soon as I opened my eyes, I realized where I was and that, though this had been a nightmare, a very similar one really had happened. Edward left. He took his family with him. I was alone. I hated the idea of crying in front of Charlie, but I was just too emotional to resist and I cried hard.
"Bells…what happened?" Charlie asked as he rubbed my back when he pulled me into a hug.
I couldn't talk. It was just too raw for me. He wouldn't understand. I just shook my head.
"Bella…what happened that day? What happened when Edward told you they were leaving?"
I could hear the fear in his voice. I didn't know how much I'd said, or probably screamed out because of my nightmare, but he probably had the wrong idea about what happened. But I just couldn't tell Charlie…especially right now.
His fears it seemed just kept getting worse though. "Isabella…did he…did he hurt you? Did he…did he attack you? Did he…did he force himself on you?"
I could hear the tears he was trying to hold back at the idea that I had been so horribly hurt, but all I could manage was to shake my head no as I continued to cry. I could feel and hear his sigh of relief, but I knew that his interrogation wouldn't be over with just that. I just knew that it would be postponed for later. Right now it was too late, and we both had things we had to do in the morning.
It took me several minutes, but my sobs eventually did subside. Soon after that, Charlie let me go and looked so torn as to what to say or do. I just closed my eyes, shook my head, and turned to lay down on my side, facing away from him. He understood my silent plea to be left alone after that. I heard him as his footsteps made the floorboards creak between our bedrooms, he apparently decided that he was going to keep our doors partially open, in case he needed to wake me from another nightmare.
I had no plans to fall asleep again…I couldn't risk reliving that. Edward said that they didn't want me. He said that they were tired of the danger and drama I brought. I know it was just a dream, but DANG IT, I saw the look in Carlisle's eyes as Edward pulled him so forcefully away. I saw the longing for more time and the sorrow as he was so brutally forced away. It…it gave me hope. Maybe just a tiny little glimmer, but it ignited a hope that they would miss me as much as I missed them. It gave me hope that they would return. But the larger part still feared Edward's words…that they didn't want me anymore. He said he never really did. He said that none of them really did. But I could never forget the look in Carlisle's eyes as we talked. Even after my disastrous party, there was never any hint of any fear, distress, or anything of the sort towards me. There was NO WAY that I could be turned away if it were up to him.
My fear of sleep had me thinking back to everything that had happened since I met the Cullens, especially since I had become close with Edward. I noticed that he had constantly tried to control my actions to how he saw fit. It made me wonder just how much he did that with the others. Was it just ME that he tried to control, or was it everyone? Was this the first time he's been this way, or was he always this way?
That morning, when my alarm finally went off and I hadn't gone back to sleep, I knew it was going to be a long and tough day. It was the first day I'd be going to school since Edward had broken up with me and left me in the woods. Charlie was downstairs and fixing his coffee when I managed to hobble down on my crutches. Luckily, Dr. Gerandy said I'd only need to use the crutches for the first week. After that, I just needed to be careful while walking around and keep my ankle wrapped for a couple more weeks to help keep my ankle stabilized while it healed. I did a number on my ankle when I rolled it, and the delayed treatment was really the only reason why it was going to take so long to heal. My clumsiness didn't help matters on that front either, so the crutches stayed for the meantime. At least that just meant a few days of school.
"Mornin Bells," Charlie said when I walked through the kitchen door.
"Mornin Dad." I was glad that my voice was technically back to normal after hardly using it for several days, but I was still awfully quiet. I just didn't have the strength behind me to force my voice to project. Definitely not emotionally strong enough to do that yet, and the lack of proper sleep didn't help the physical aspect.
"Have you got everything that you'll need for school?" Charlie asked as I sat down at the table and began to pour some cereal into a bowl.
"Yeah. My bag is at the foot of the stairs." I replied softly.
I guess this was just one of Charlie's ways to show that he was concerned and that he cared. It was a simple thing, but that was Charlie for you. He may have offered to run up and get it from my room if I had said that I had forgotten it up there. Luckily, since it had been my left ankle that had been sprained, I was able to drive, so no need for a ride from Charlie or anyone else. I'd just have to fight with getting in and out of my big old truck myself with my crutches proving to be a nuisance.
Due to my need to be early because of the added hindrance with the crutches, I was able to get to my locker and get my books situated and then make it to sit in my desk for my first class before the first warning bell even sounded. I pulled out my book for class and turned to the page we would be starting at and just began to stare blankly at the page. There was no way that I could focus on actually reading it. My dread for all the questions that I knew I would be facing that day wouldn't let me concentrate on anything. I knew that Jessica would be relentless in her interrogation of what had happened and that Mike would be hanging onto every word. I knew Angela would be concerned, but that she wouldn't badger me for the answers to the questions on her mind if I asked her not to. Jessica would be the unstoppable force that would keep going till the teachers told her to be quiet or face detention.
The empty seat beside me didn't help matters. The beginning of the year, Edward had seen to it that he was in almost all of my classes. Alice had been in several as well, but she had been in the only one that Edward wasn't able to get himself into. But now, with them gone, the empty seats were just another brutal reminder of just how alone I was. With each class, I found myself sinking further and further into the chairs, until I was basically just laying my head down on my arm across the desk. The teachers could see me writing and taking notes, so they knew I wasn't asleep. Guess they had pity on me and decided to not call on me.
By the time lunch rolled around, I could see that Jessica was chomping at the bit to ask me to spill the whole story about what had happened. For some reason, she seemed to be restraining herself. She kept looking between me and Angela for some reason. When I went to go sit down, at an empty table that was several away from the one our group normally sat at, I looked up and noticed that Angela was trying possibly calm Jessica down. Eventually, Jessica sat down and Angela started to make her way over to join me. I'd pulled a lunch bag out of my backpack and was just kind of picking at the sandwich I had pulled out from it.
"Hey," Angela said after she got over to me. "Mind if I join you?"
I just shrugged and pulled my lunch a little closer, the subtle sign of resignation to her inquiry.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asked.
"Not really," I replied quietly.
"Well, if you change your mind, I'm a really good listener," Angela said with a sincere, yet subtle smile.
"Thanks Ange."
Mike was apparently late for lunch and decided to sit with us instead of at the usual table. I saw his approach and wished he'd stopped at the other table, especially after seeing the look on Jessica's incredulous face.
"Whatcha doing sitting way over here?" Mike asked cheerfully.
"Just felt like a change of pace," Angela quickly replied.
Mike leaned in to quietly ask me, so no one but the three of us could hear, "Did Cullen really take you out into the woods so deep and intentionally lose you there?"
My head shot up from where it had been propped on my left hand.
"What did you say?" I asked quietly and slowly.
"Did Cullen really take you out, deep into the woods and intentionally lose you?" he asked again.
"I…I…how did you get that idea?" I managed to ask out of my stuttering stupor.
"When your dad called around and asked for help in finding you, he said that you had left a note that Cullen needed to talk to you and that you were gonna head out onto the trail for a little while, but that you'd be back soon. When you didn't return he kinda freaked I guess and started calling around to get some help looking for you. That's why I was there that night. My dad and I joined the search. Didn't you see me there? Your eyes were open and you looked at me."
I could see the concern in his and Angela's eyes at that point as they looked at me.
"I wasn't fully with it then." I muttered. "I got sick from being out in the cold rain for so long."
The pieces of my shattered heart that I had started to put together had started to feel like they were going to fall apart again. I didn't think I could do this. Thankfully, the very perceptive Angela seemed to notice my impending meltdown and sought to change the subject.
"I don't wanna talk about that. Let's talk about getting together for one last trip to the beach before the weather gets too cold again. I heard a storm would be coming soon and it would leave some nice swells it will send our way before it actually hits the shore. Hopefully we can catch some waves and see some new things in the tidal pools."
"That's a great idea Ange! I've got a new wetsuit since my other one got ripped on the rocks during my last wipeout. Perfect time to test it out." Mike jumped at the topic change greedily and chuckled at the memory of his wipeout, and I was grateful for the change. "When is the storm coming through?"
"Next week, according to the last news report I saw. The waves should be pretty decent by the weekend, without being too big, if we wanna get the group together then." Angela replied cheerfully.
Getting up from the table, Mike said, "I'll go start working on getting everyone together."
"Thanks again Ange," I said with a small sigh.
"You're welcome. I could tell you needed some time to work something out. But you won't have too much longer I'm afraid. People are gonna want to know what happened."
"I know," I said as I resigned to my fate.
"Will you be off your crutches by then?" Angela asked.
"Yeah. Dr. Gerandy said I should only need them for the first week. That I just had to be very careful after that. So no tidal pools or surfing for me." I replied. I was glad I had a legitimate excuse to just sit on one of the fallen logs there and watch everyone else run around, especially since it looked like they were going to make me go out.
At least I had till the weekend to really start worrying about talking to everyone else. But right now I had to figure out how to bring up this note thing with Charlie. He never said how he found out that I had been in the woods, and with my current state, I really hadn't wanted to ask him. I had just been grateful that he had found me.
The rest of the school day was very much like the morning had been. I wasn't called on, and I was left to my own thoughts. I knew that I would have a lot of homework to make up for when I had collected the last of my make-up assignments after the final bell rang. At least I'd have that to keep my mind occupied and from wandering to things that were still far too difficult to think about.
It wasn't till I was back in my truck and just sitting there waiting for the last of the other vehicles to leave, that I noticed that I had been absentmindedly running my hand over my left forearm. My stitches and the ointment that Carlisle…even the thought of his name was like a knife to the heart…that Dr. Cullen had given me, had really helped heal the wound cleanly. I knew I was due to get the stitches out, now that I was really starting to think about them, but I didn't want to go to the hospital and have Dr. Gerandy remove them. It just didn't feel right to have someone else finish taking care of me. Carlisle…Dr. Cullen had become more than just my doctor. He had become a true friend and a great source of peace, especially when it came time to deal with any injuries that I incurred.
I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer. I had known from my inspection of the stitches before school that the skin had started to grow around the stitches too much. I knew that I had waited too long. I had hoped that Carlisle…Dr. Cullen would return and say that it had been a mistake and that he was glad to see me again. I wasn't ready to go to the hospital and hear about how he had left. I knew that Dr. Gerandy would want to know the story behind the stitches. I just didn't think that I could talk about my birthday right now. Not with all the other memories flooding my brain at the moment. Yet…I knew how painful the stitches removal would be if I kept waiting. It would be bad enough as it was.
I decided to drive to the hospital and go ahead and get it over with. Luckily I didn't have to wait for long before I was taken back into a room to wait on the doctor. But, the moment I heard a soft male chuckle through the door, my heart started to race. It sounded so familiar. Then, the door opened and a tall pale blonde man was backing into the room carrying something in his hands. I didn't know if I my heart would beat out of my chest at the sight of him or not. But…then my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach when he turned around and I noticed then, that this wasn't Carlisle…Dr. Cullen. All my hopes at seeing at least one Cullen, one last time, had been completely dashed! This man was just a nurse or a tech that was bringing in the supplies on a tray that Dr. Gerandy would use to take my stitches out.
"Are you ok?" he asked as he looked up and saw the expression on my face. I couldn't even begin to guess what I looked like right now.
"Yeah," I said quietly.
"Ok…Dr. Gerandy will be in shortly," he said, unsure of what to make of me, before he left.
I was just staring into space after he left. He looked nothing like Car…Dr. Cullen. It was just the blonde hair, height, and the similar chuckle that had me fooled. He was nothing like the comforting man that I needed when it came to a doctor's visit. No one was like him. He truly was a singularly gifted man in many ways.
"Good afternoon Bella," Dr. Gerandy said as he was walking through the door and looking at my chart. "Bella?" he asked when I hadn't looked up or said anything.
Startled, I quickly looked up. "Dr. Gerandy," I said in acknowledgement, surprised by his sudden appearance.
"Are you ok?" Dr. Gerandy asked as he placed my chart down on the counter.
"Yeah…just lost in thought," I said as I looked at him.
"So, you have stitches in your left arm that need to come out?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
As he sat down on the rolling stool and moved toward me, he pulled the tray of antiseptic wipes, tweezers, suture cutters, ointment, and extra bandages with him.
"What happened to make you need stitches on your left arm? I had seen the bandage last week, but we never got to talk about it."
"Tripped," I said quickly. "Clumsy me. Dr. Cullen stitched me up right after it happened." I really hoped he wouldn't ask for more information than that.
I had started rolling back my sleeve when he asked me what had happened, so now he was looking at the fresh bandage I had put on. It was definitely easier to have a bandage on it than to have the stitches get caught an pull on my clothes as they moved. He gently pealed the bandage away from my arm and was immediately stunned by the tiny sutures he started to see.
"I will never not be impressed by Carlisle's talent." Dr. Gerandy said in a low voice.
I clenched my jaw tight and closed my eyes at his words. It was simple, what he said, but it stung deeply to hear the words that were so true. Especially since I would never be able to thank…him…for everything he's done for me.
After wiping down my arm with the antibiotic wipes, Dr. Gerandy being the long and tedious task of cutting and pulling out all the tiny stitches. It really seemed to take forever for him to get very far, and the tugging was definitely getting painful. I really had waited too long.
"He really did do a wonderful job getting these stitches in so small. It probably will only leave a very faint scar for a while before fading away. Just glad that I remembered to bring my glasses in with me. Dr. Cullen really is a master at the fine stitch!"
I guess he was trying to lighten the mood, but all he did was just make that jagged hole where my heart should be, just a little worse. The pieces I've been trying to put back together just don't seem to last for very long before someone says or does something to make the pieces want to fall back out again. At this rate, I'm not sure that I really can put it all back together.
I lost track of the time, but when Dr. Gerandy was finished taking the final stitch out, I felt like I could finally breathe again, if only for a moment. He placed a new bandage over it and told me that I would be fine with removing that the following morning at the latest. He'd only put it on there to help heal the tiny punctures that had bled a little due to how much skin had grown over the sutures.
When I got home, I quickly started on my homework that was due the next day. The makeup work I had gathered was all due by Friday, so at least I had some time to get that done. I'd only been working on my homework for about two hours before I realized I should go get started on some dinner for Charlie and figure out how I would ask him about the note that I had supposedly left.
Dinner was going to be simple tonight. Spaghetti, with extra meat in the meat sauce with a small can of mushrooms added to that too, a side salad, and some bread sticks from the freezer. Thank goodness I had gotten good at dealing with a single crutch when I needed to last year. Having to cook when you were supposed to be on crutches was never an easy thing. At least I could manage carrying things one handed fairly well. I was just setting everything onto the table when I heard Charlie come through the front door.
"Mmmmmm…that smells delicious Bells!" he called from where he was hanging up gun belt and coat on the hooks.
"Hey Dad, how was work?"
"Slow, played cards most of the day. Beat Deputy Marks, 19 hands to 7!" he laughed.
Dinner started off quiet, but I needed to know, "Dad…how did you know where to find me? You know, when I was lost last week?"
Charlie looked up at me surprised. "Your note that you left," he said with a questioning look in his eyes. Then he got up and reached into the 'crap' drawer and pulled out a piece of paper. On it, was the note that everyone supposed I had written.
Dad,
Gone to go for a walk with Edward on the trail behind the house.
Won't be gone long. Should be back to have your dinner ready
before you even get home.
Bella
That untidy scrawl really did look like mine. I just couldn't believe it! Edward must've come back here to write it when he knew that I had been trying to follow him.
"It was just laying here on the table when I got home. I waited for a little while, but it didn't feel right. Started to call out for you, and walked the trail for a little while calling out to you. When I didn't hear you, I came back home and started to call for some help to find you."
"Oh. Glad I left the note. Guess I just forgot I did."
I was still staring at it though, so I didn't think Charlie really believed me.
"You've probably got a lot of homework to catch-up on…I'll clean up," Charlie offered.
"Thanks Dad," I said with a small smile when I looked up at him still clutching the note.
I grabbed my crutches and quickly made my way upstairs. I had been in la-la-land for days since it all happened. It hadn't even occurred to me to wonder how Charlie would even think to look for me in the woods. I wasn't an avid hiker by any means. If Edward had come back to write a note for Charlie, what else would he have done while he was here?
Entering my room, I slowly looked around. I was trying to see if anything looked out of place for sure. Nothing was standing out at me from here. I thought back on his words, 'It'll be like we were never here.' With that thought, I immediately went to the photo album I had started. I didn't need to look very hard. First page I had flipped to, all the pictures were gone. All that was left was what I had written below where the picture would be. Names for the people in the photo, and the date…my birthday party. All of their pictures…gone! I was distraught, but that quickly gave way to frustration, and then anger, that Edward would do this to me. They were my family too! He shouldn't have taken them away from me!
The panic didn't take long to set in, when it all of a sudden hit me that if he took these pictures, what about the one I hid? I lunged quickly for my bed and frantically reached into my pillow-case in search for the picture I had of me and Carlisle. Feeling something, I pulled it out. There it was, the picture that I had wanted to keep hidden, my very own secret. I couldn't understand my luck that Edward had missed this, but I wasn't about to look that particular gift horse in the mouth. I simply just stared down at that beautiful image of Carlisle smiling down at me. The instant I realized that I was crying, I closed my eyes. Looked up toward the ceiling, and clutched that picture to my chest.
There was no delusion, the Cullens really had been there. I really had known them, and they had cared for me. This picture was proof positive of that! There was no way that Carlisle could look at me like that and not at least care for me like I was family. That smile of his, that had been answering my own, had lit up his whole face, including his eyes. That level of care and familial love could NOT be faked. I was sure of that!
The more I thought all of that, the more I felt like pieces of my heart were sliding back into place. I had to believe that they would eventually miss me as much as I missed them. But for now, I'd just have to deal with the depression that came with losing the family that I loved so much. I had no idea if they would come back anytime soon. I desperately hoped they would be back sooner rather than later. But who knows what was said to make them go. Did Rosalie and Edward tag-team to convince the others that they were better off somewhere else? How much of a fight did anyone put up to stay? Why hadn't I heard from Alice? Alice…maybe she was so wrapped up in keeping Jasper together, that she hadn't even seen what had happened. Maybe she saw that they would be better off without me…regardless of how much anyone missed me.
There it was again. They left me because it was for the best. I had hurt them all too much. They could miss me all they wanted to, but if it was better for everyone in the long-run, they would stay away. I just curled up onto my bed and laid on my side, staring deeply at the picture I held in my hands. I was desperately going to miss looking into those eyes. His eyes were so gentle, so kind, so loving, so fathomless.
"There you are Bella. Did you find something good to read?" Carlisle asked me
"Oh, hey Carlisle. Yes, I could spend forever in your library! I hope you don't mind I came in here while I was waiting for Edward to come back from his hunting trip." I answered with a smile and a blush.
"Not at all. You're quite welcome here. Many of these books haven't been looked at in several decades. It's nice to know that they're getting read again," Carlisle said with a smile as he sat behind his desk and opened what appeared to be a new medical journal.
We sat in companionable silence when Carlisle all of a sudden perked up looking more concerned as the seconds ticked by.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I'm not sure, Edward's running back home. He's early. But something doesn't sound right," Carlisle replied cautiously.
It wasn't long before Edward came bursting through the door to the office. He nearly tore the door from the hinges and he cracked the wall in his haste.
"What's wrong Edward?" Carlisle asked quickly.
"We have to go. We're not safe here anymore. Our secret has gotten out. They know about Bella. They're coming," Edward was snippy in his reply, especially when he turned to look at me. "Rosalie was right. You're going to hurt my family. It wasn't worth it!"
"What do you mean son?" Carlisle asked, stepping toward him slowly.
"We have to go…NOW!" Edward commanded.
"Take me with you Edward!" I called out.
"No! You're too much hassle. You'll get us into even more trouble if you come. Hurry Carlisle! Alice says we don't have much time!" Edward said as he was grabbing Carlisle and pulling him by the arm to the door.
"We can't just leave Bella here to face the unknown without us Edward! We brought her into this life!" Carlisle called back.
"We have to!"
Before I could protest anymore, Edward had managed to wrap his arms around Carlisle in such a way that he couldn't escape and was quickly running out the door. Carlisle was fruitlessly struggling to get loose from his arms. But it didn't take long till they were out of my sight.
"NO! COME BACK! DON'T LEAVE ME! EDWARD! C…CARLISLE! Come…come back," my yells turned to sobs after I reached the porch and couldn't have known where to go. "Carlisle, please…come back."
I didn't wake up screaming, and apparently I hadn't woken Charlie with screaming out loud like I had done in my nightmare, but the tears from it were definitely still falling from my eyes now. They were staining my pillow with their salty pools. I got up and changed for into some proper pajamas and laid back down on my bed. I stared at my picture again for a while. I hoped and prayed that I could start having good dreams again. Seeing this picture helped me keep the memory of Carlisle fresh in my mind, but I was beginning to think that Edward was always going to come and rip his family away from me. No matter how pleasant the dream may be.
"Please Carlisle…please come back," I begged, staring at the picture one last time before closing my eyes again. I pulled the picture close, and clung to it tightly against my chest. Clinging to it and holding it against my chest so tight, for a moment it seemed like the pieces of my broken heart could be held in place for a moment. At least the pieces I had managed to put back together. Carlisle was a big part of that at the moment. Knowing he existed for real, helped me to hold onto the rest of the family. If I could fix his pieces, then surely I could fix the rest over time. I had to start somewhere…and Carlisle seemed like the best place to start.
