Prompt: Upon returning from Iran, Elizabeth checks herself into a hotel rather than going home.
"I'm sorry for the trouble Matt." Her voice was flat and eyes vacant as dragged her feet through the hotel hallway. The weight of the world weighing her down.
"It's okay ma'am," that right there reminded her of why she couldn't go home. The look of pity on his face. That was only from her security, they were supposed to be professional but even he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She didn't deserve their sympathy. She wasn't the one who lost her life, she wasn't the little boy who lost his father right in front his eyes. His life forever changed.
She knew how much her family would fuss over her, waiting on her hand and foot. Henry would never let her out of his sight. Always watching, analyzing, looking for any sign of a breakdown.
She wasn't able to deal with them right now.
She was barely able to deal with herself.
Elizabeth yearned for some peace and quiet. For everything to stop. The clamor in her head, the noises outside putting her on edge. Home would be the exact opposite of that. Normally, she reveled in her cacophony of the life she built. It kept the loneliness at bay. The unsettling quiet of that one Christmas in college before Henry. What she wouldn't give to have that now. But she was just numb.
Shutting the door behind her, she kicked off her shoes, stripped down and collapsed onto the bed. Fatigue took over but her eyes would not close. Every tragedy she saw playing in a loop, flashing through her head as fast as the glass flew around her from the bullets. Abdol crouching behind the chair, covering his ear with one hand and reaching out to his father with the other. He screamed his name. She pulled the covers over her head, trying to hide from her own thoughts but that only worsened the spiral. The covers were immediately thrown off, the weight of them became Fred's body draped over hers, preventing her from helping Abdol, from shielding him from the horrors of his new reality. Her lungs felt heavy, burdened and she thinks she should call Henry. She couldn't bring herself to do it.
She faintly heard her phone ringing and didn't register the light barely peeking through the hotel curtains. Her whole body ached, she hadn't taken a full breath since the explosion. The dryness of her mouth was enough force to get her out of bed. Her hand shook as it reached forward for the glass, she pulled it back to her body and squeezed it tight. With a deep breath she reached out again, grabbed it and shuffled over the bathroom. The glass slipped through her sweat covered fingers, shattering at her bare feet. The sound cut through air, pierced Elizabeth's heart; it drummed against her bones, pounded in her head. Explosions surrounded her, the smell of smoke and debris choked up her throat. Everything spun around her, the edges of the room darkening around her until all she could see was the faint image of a little boy in pain staring at her. Elizabeth's teeth clench, knuckles white and palms starting to bleed from her fingernails digging into her skin.
The boy's face slowly morphed into Henry's and she shook her head. No, that wasn't right. Henry wasn't there. He was home. He was safe. The edges of her vision expanded as she returned back to her body piece by piece.
"Elizabeth? Elizabeth, can you hear me?" Henry asked gently.
The despair and terror in her eyes as they moved to his indicated she could but shattered his heart. She reached out a hand, feeling the cold tile until her fingers connect with warm skin. His frame is blurry, a dark area in front of her.
"It's okay, it's okay," he said in a low soothing voice as he reached out, finally holding her hand and pulling her into his chest.
Her whole body relaxed, the semblance of safety taking over the panic that had filled her every crevice of her body. She didn't realize the crying was coming from herself and not the little boy haunting her mind until he disappeared.
Her body became weightless as Henry picked her up and carried her to the bed before climbing in with her. Elizabeth's whole body tensed and breathing increased when he instinctively scooted his frame against hers and placed his arm over her waist. Sensing the change, he backed away and settled for placing a hand on her shoulder; letting her know he was there.
Her sobs turned to whimpers then silence. Henry had never seen her like this, he knew she would come back with demons. Her CIA days didn't bring this much pain and he only heard stories of PTSD from his service friends. He never experienced it himself. Her parents death he knew how to handle, missing him while he was away he knew how to handle.
Now they were in new waters.
Dark, deep waters.
When he first heard, from her detail he might add, that she was going to a hotel instead of home he was pissed. Didn't she know the dread they went through? Waiting to get the call from Nadine that she wasn't coming home? She had been on the his side before, she should be more sensitive to that. Now, he felt like a selfish asshole.
Of course she could sympathize with them but this wasn't about them. This was about her. When things got too difficult she hid. She buried herself in school when her parents died, hid in her work when they went through their rough patches. It made sense she would hide now. He didn't blame her and certainly would never hold it against her. She was afraid, just as he was.
Elizabeth jolted awake, her head pounding, the fog surrounding her and heart threatening to jump out of her chest. Dream. It was just a dream she reminded herself. She glanced around confused at her surroundings at first until she remembered yesterday's events. Was it even the next day? She wasn't sure. She avoided looking to her right, sensing Henry presence next to her. She rubbed her eyes then massaged her fingers into her scalp, attempting to soothe the pain. Her mouth was dry, she wouldn't be able to speak even if she knew what to say.
He was the first one to break the silence, "I left water and ibuprofen on the table for you."
She took a sip and the medicine before finally facing him. Noticing how far apart they were, a physical reminder of how much the last 48 hours changed her. "I'm sorry," the only two words she was able to string together. She didn't know what she was apologizing for; for hiding, for scaring him, for putting him through hell, for everything this is going to do to them in the future; the list could go on.
"You don't have to apologize. I will always be by your side." He was overwhelmed with the urge to reach out to her but after last night he wasn't sure it was the right move. He felt off kilter, he hasn't been this unsure around her in 25 years. He settled for reaching his hand out, hoping she would close the chasm between them.
But she didn't, instead she got up, widening the distance between them. "I need to shower."
Henry simply nodded, letting her know he understood. Knowing she hasn't eaten in a day he ordered room service. She would fight him on it of that he was sure but he needed to at least try. He was helpless right now, he hated feeling helpless. Unable to sit still anymore, he called the kids to check in on them and reassure them everything was okay and they would be home as soon as they could. She still wasn't out when the phone call was over so he took to the pacing the room. Trying to convince himself she as okay in there, she took long showers all the time.
Forty-five minutes later the bathroom door finally squeaked open, he tried not take it personal that she only poked her head out, leaving the door closed enough to hide the rest of her body. "I don't have any clean clothes."
He grabbed the bag from the corner and handed it to her, "I brought you some along with your toothbrush and other toiletries."
Her face soften, "thank you." She dropped the bag in the bathroom but didn't close the door. "I need help. I have some minor injuries, nothing serious," she said quickly knowing he would worry. "But there's a bandage on my back that I can't change. Will you do it?"
That explained why she didn't open the door fully, she didn't want him to see everything until she told him. "Of course, did they give you stuff?"
She nodded and opened the door, gesturing to the supplies on the counter. She turned her back to him before opening her towel enough to let him see. She couldn't handle seeing his reaction. Henry's pain hurt worse than the injuries themselves. He gently removed the tape and wiped the dry blood surrounding the wound before applying a new bandage. "Are there any more?"
"None that have bandages but yes, there are minor cuts and bruises." She wouldn't be able to hide these forever and the sooner this was over the sooner they could move on.
"Can I see them?" He paused, this may be pushing her but he had to ask. "I need to know, please."
Elizabeth dropped the towel, revealing the cuts on her back. Henry held back a gasp, they were walking a tightrope and he didn't want to tip them off. She turned around to let him see the cuts and bruises on her front from slamming into the ground. She stared at the ground, unable to meet his eyes but Henry didn't let her hide anymore. He reached out, his fingers softly touching her chin, lifting her head up. Tears filled their eyes, every emotion that was pushed down bubbled to the surface. He placed a soft kiss on each cut, willing them to disappear before moving back to her face. His lips hovered over hers and eyes stared into hers, silently asking for permission which she gave with a slight nod. They fell into each other, tears mixing together; a reminder that she was alive.
