Author's note: Bang energy and alcohol is a bad combination and one shouldn't let me anywhere near a keyboard when I have it... Or if one enjoys trainwrecks that they just can't look away from, by all means, go right ahead.


M4A1's sights nervously darted from side to side as she cautiously navigated the dark laboratory, sparsely lit by only a few dim light panels on the floor. After days of searching, she had finally tracked M16 down. The rest of the AR team guarded the elevator outside, they of course protested to this, but M4 insisted that she had to do this - alone.

"So, you've finally come..." A mature, familiar voice called out from out of M4's sight.

M4 rapidly spun and trained her sights on the source of the noise, and found M16 standing at the end of the aisle. M16 stood idle, next to her was a large, cylindrical container. As M4A1 moved closer, she could make out the label - it was a massive container of Pillsbury Cinnabons, standing at least twice as tall as M16.

"M16! What are you doing?!" M4 shouted at her big sister.

"Me? I'm just doing what must be done." M16 replied calmly.

"What are you talking about?! M16, please! You have to stop this madness! I'll talk to the Commander, try to get you a vacation! Just please, come home! Nobody wants this!" M4 pleaded to her big sister.

"No, it's too late for talking, M4. It's time we settle things my way. Besides, I have something to show you." M16 replied as she turned towards the can of Cinnabons.

"Is this-"

"That's right...This is the ultimate lifeform! The Icon of Cinn!" M16 theatrically gestured towards the large can as she spoke.

"Cinnamon rolls?! Again?!" M4 cried out.

"Come now, M4. I thought you would appre-"

"I AM NOT A CINNAMON ROLL! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME THAT!" M4 screamed in protest, causing M16 to recoil. "And this- THIS is what you've been scheming this whole time? This...failure is what's going to destroy Griffin? You're pitiful M16. You've completely lost it! You've gone senile!"

M16 felt a piercing sensation in her chest as M4 spoke. How dare she say those things to her?! She worked so hard on this, and now she has the gall to call her a senile old woman?! No. She'd show her. She's going to show them all what happens when you mess with the great M16A1.

"Humph...You can decide for yourself whether or not the Icon of Cinn is a failure!" M16 tried to mask the hurt in her voice as she slammed a big red button on the console labeled DO NOT PRESS.

A loud POP resonated through the room as the can twisted open, releasing the pressure built up within it, and after a couple brief seconds, the can began to bulge. The can warped and twisted as it slowly burst open from the expanding dough as the large lump of diabetes spilled out onto the floor.

"Go to hell! The Commander will join you too!" M16 angrily shouted at M4.

Suddenly, the large Cinnabon turned to M16 and began to slowly encroach upon her.

"What? DON'T COME THIS WAY- NOOOOOOOO!" M16 shrieked as the dough formed a large mouth that quickly swallowed her up in one gulp.

"M16!" M4 screamed as M16 disappeared into the massive sugary treat.

The Cinnabon then slowly turned to M4, and began to move forward.

"You won't take me!" M4 shouted as she swiftly raised her gun and began firing on the roll - but it was no use. It absorbed its bullets as if it was eating them for breakfast, and with every shot the roll began to increase in size and mass.

"No...it can't be...is it getting stronger?!" M4 uttered in horror.

Realizing that her bullets wouldn't hurt it, she quickly bolted for the mechanical door. She slammed the butt of her gun against the control panel when she was on the other side and the reinforced door slammed shut. That didn't buy her much time, however, she was only a few paces down the hall when the sound of metal being stressed caused her to turn around, and found the door rapidly bending outwards until it burst open. A mass of dough quickly began filling the hall, and M4 sprinted to the elevator. M4 rapidly mashed the 'UP' button on the elevator, and it grinded upwards, just narrowly escaping the flood of dough as it began filling the elevator shaft underneath the carriage. The Elevator arrived at ground level just in the nick of time, and M4 swiftly jumped off the carriage before it was swallowed.

"M4! What is going o-" RO cried out at the sight of her team leader being chased by...whatever it was.

"RUN!" M4 screamed out at the top of her lungs as she bolted past RO and SOP-II

"A-Alrig-SOP II! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" RO was about to follow M4, but shrieked in horror at the sight of SOP-II approaching the mass of dough.

"Why are we running? It looks so soft and cuddly!" SOP-II inquired cluelessly as she outstretched her arms to the encroaching mass.

"SOP-II! NO! DON'T LET IT TOUCH YOU!" M4 cried out in terror.

"Give me a hug." SOP-II affectionately said as she casually let herself be swept up by the mass of dough, to the abject horror of M4 and RO.

"Ahhhh I could just fall asleep right here..." SOP-II peacefully closed her eyes as she disappeared into the doughy mass.

"No...It can't be...SOP-II...SOP-II!" RO shrieked in shock and desperation.

"RO! You have to keep running!" M4 yelled as the mass continued to encroach open them.

RO set aside her grief and resumed running, only to slip on a Banana Peel that was oddly out of place for an abandoned laboratory. As soon as RO fell on her back, the Banana transformed into a yellow Dinergate and bolted towards the Cinnabon, RO helplessly ensnared on its back.

"RO635!" M4 shouted as the Dinergate jumped into the Cinnabon, and quickly disappeared into the mass.

"I...have to keep going!" M4 weakly resolved to herself as she bolted to the lab exit.

M4 escaped outside the building and ran into the trees. The sound of metal grinding caught her attention and she looked back to find the entire building being swallowed up by the doughy mass - and the dough began to spill outwards every which way. The dough endlessly expanded across the surface of the Earth. M4 realized that soon, nowhere would be safe.

"There's only one option now...I have to escape to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by Cinnamon...space!"

With those words, M4 unslung the Particle Cannon off her back and charged it up before pointing it downwards at her feet. M4 jumped upwards and then fired the particle cannon at the ground below, sending her flying into the sky. She ascended rapidly as the land below grew more and more distant, the trees and building becoming tiny, barely visible dots on the surface. Soon, M4 flew out of the Earths atmosphere and found herself floating safely amongst the stars. M4 turned and watched the surface of the Earth become slowly engulfed in the growing Cinnamon Roll, when an odd detail of the planet caught her eye.

"Wait...It's flat?!" M4 cried out as she noticed that the earth was indeed flat as opposed to spherical.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FLAT?!" A loud voice boomed out.

M4 turned to the source of the noise to find that the Sun had been replaced with ST AR-15's disembodied head, which was glaring at her angrily.

"STAR! You're...a star?..." M4 uttered in bewilderment.

"That's it!" STAR shouted and a massive shockwave launched M4 back towards the Earth, on a crash course to the last few miles of land that hadn't been swallowed yet.

M4 slammed into a small parking lot outside of a small building, somehow completely uninjured. She raised her head to find a large mass of soldiers urgently running around in all directions, coordinating defenses and readying weapons.

"You there! Stop lazing around and get your ass in gear, soldier!" A familiar voice caught M4's attention and she turned to find the Commander standing over her.

"Commander! You're alive!" M4 cried out in relief.

"Of course I'm alive! I didn't survive a Collapse bomb to let diabetes get the best of me!" The Commander yelled as he yanked M4 to her feet. "Now get your ass into the Burger Town! We're making our stand here!"

"Wait, what about our base?" M4 asked in confusion.

"I SAID WE ARE DEFENDING BURGER TOWN!" The Commander shouted.

"But-"

"ARE YOU QUESTION MY ORDERS, SOLDIER?! THEY WILL NOT GET BURGER TOWN! NOT WHILE I'M STILL BREATHING!" The Commander hollered like a drill sergeant.

"N-No sir!" M4 gave a quick salute and ran to a position on the roof.

M4A1 quickly made her way to the roof of the Burger Town, and the Commander followed shortly after, standing among the troops that had amassed and trained their guns on the approaching mass of Cinnamon.

"This is it people! We make our stand now! Let's send this doughy fuck back where it belongs - the ovens of hell!" The Commander shouted over the Megaphone.

Defenses and emplacements were stretched out as far as the eye can see, each waiting for the word.

"FIRE!" The Commander theatrically gestured towards the massive Cinnabon, and the roars of thousands of guns shook the earth itself. Tracers and smoke trials lit the evening sky as they flew to their target, but the mass refused to slow or stop for even a second. Within minutes, M4 was watching helplessly as each line of defense was consecutively swallowed one by one.

"So that's it then...Time to bring out my last trump card..." The Commander resolved to himself.

"RAMIREZ! TAKE OUT THAT CINNAMON ROLL! USE YOUR SMOKE GRENADES!" The Commander yelled to one of the soldiers on the roof.

"Right away, sir!" Ramirez sprung to his feet - and pelted M4A1 with a smoke grenade.

"Ow!" M4 shouted as she covered the bump on her head, the smoke grenade clattered to the ground and let out a soft hiss as smoke plumed out of it.

M4A1 glared at Ramirez with murderous intent as she gritted her teeth.

"The other Cinnamon Roll, Ramirez! Hit it with your knife!" The Commander clarified.

Oh he is so going to get it. M4 thought to herself as she shot another death glare aimed at the Commander.

Meanwhile, Ramirez dove off the roof directly onto the Cinnamon Roll, and quickly began cutting off bits of it and stuffing the raw dough into his mouth, chewing and swallowing as fast as he could while he cut himself more slices of it. It was completely in vain, however, and Ramirez was quickly swallowed by the mass as he continued to eat, seemingly oblivious to his fate.

Suddenly, a large, doughy tendril shot out and ensnared the Commander by his leg, and began dragging him towards the mass.

"OH FUCK!" The Commander screamed as he was pulled off his feet. "M4! HELP!" He desperately cried out as he was pulled closer and closer. "NO!...I DON'T WANNA BE BREAD! NO!...NO!"

"NO! COMMANDER!...COMMANDER!" M4 desperately tried to grab the Commander's hand, but even with her enhanced strength, it was a fruitless endeavor, and the Commander soon disappeared into the mass.

M4 fell hopelessly to her knees as dough encroached from all directions.

"No...This can't be happening...This can't...be happening..."


M4 gasped as she sprang awake, and was met with the sight of the her dorm back at Griffin. The rest of the team was still sound asleep in their beds, completely safe and not swallowed up by...A Cinnamon Roll?...M4 was halfway towards letting out a sigh of relief when it hit her just how stupid it all sounded now. She couldn't believe she got so caught up in it all, that she not only felt like it was real, but it never once dawned on her just how absurd the whole situation was. This wasn't the first dream she had, they had grown more and more frequent ever since her Neural Cloud restrictors were turned off, but this was the first one that made her feel like this. Was this how it was for humans too? She had heard Kalina and even the Commander mention dreams like this in passing, but it was almost surreal experiencing it herself.

M4 brought up the timer on her HUD. It was about half an hour before it was time to awaken, she figured it wasn't worth trying to go back to sleep. She let out a frustrated sigh as she tiptoed out of bed and quietly left the room, headed towards the Café.

"M4, you're up awful early." Springfield commented as M4 sat at the counter. "Trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah...You could say that." M4 groggily replied.

"Is something bothering you, M4? Maybe it would help if you talk-"

"No, it's just something stupid...What are you serving today?" M4 tried to change the subject.

"Let's see, today we've got a special flavored coffee - Cinnamon spice. For breakfast, we've got Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts, or-...Hey, M4, are you alright?...M4?..."