"Soooooo. . ." Star began, in the most nonchalant way possible.
"No." Jack declared flatly. For a second, Star did a double take, before growing slightly annoyed.
"Oh come on, you don't even know what I was going to ask!" Jack just shook his head.
"You were going to ask about what the deal is with Ellie Lawson." Star smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, but it's still rude to interrupt." Jack let out a sigh.
"Look Star, what happened between me and her is ancient history, and talking about it isn't going to make it any better. Let's just leave it at: she's bad news and the reason I'm always tired." Star arched an eyebrow.
"How did she make you tired?" She asked, perplexed, before letting out a gasp. "Did she put a sleeping curse on you?!" Jack, unable to even find the energy to roll his eyes, just let out a sigh.
"No. Now please just drop it." Jack felt as strung out as if he'd been awake for a week straight. Normally he'd be taking a nap in the nurses office right now so he could get through the rest of the day without nodding off in class, but with Star here that wasn't an option. He'd sent Ricky to go get Sara, with specific instructions to drag her out of the computer lab by force if necessary.
Sara was the only other person besides Ricky that Jack genuinely trusted. A child prodigy, Sara had hacked through the Pentagon's firewall before she was even out of diapers. And she was designing software programs before her peers even learned how to read. Unfortunately, as gifted as she was with machines and coding, she was abysmal with people. Most kids in the school thought she was nuts, and considering how many time she had either blown up the robotics lab or been called to the principle's office by local law enforcement or government suits, Jack couldn't exactly say they were wrong.
Jack had personally gotten to know Sara in first grade. Back then she had been a shy little nerd who got picked on a fair bit for being something of a loner. Jack and Ricky were the ones who put a stop to that. It took some time, but Sara eventually opened up to them, and they had been surprised to find that under the shy nerdy exterior and lack of social skills, was a quirky, energetic genius, who was a blast to hang out with. Unfortunately, once her shyness wore off, she developed a slight case of the crazies. Not to mention that when she was working on one of her projects, you needed a crowbar to pry her away from them. Jack had a feeling she and Star would get along.
"Do you have any idea what you just did?!" An indignant voice nearly shouted.
"Speak of the devil." Jack muttered under his breath. "Hello Sara. Why yes, it is lunchtime. And yes, you do in fact have friends IRL who would like to occasionally see you." Sara, completely ignoring Jack's sarcasm, fell into the cheap plastic chair across the table from him. With long raven black hair, thick glasses, and almond shaped brown eyes, Sara was actually quite lovely. However, her horrible fashion sense, and firm belief that romance was a waste of her time, insured that she chased away any guy or girl dumb enough to try their luck. Currently she wore a genuinely hideous brown sweater, and ratty stained sweatpants.
"I was about to figure out the secrets of Area 51! I just needed a few more minutes! But suddenly this neanderthal!" She declared, gesturing dramatically to Ricky as he took his seat.
"Love you too buddy." He responded with a roll of his eyes. Sara ignoring his sarcasm in favor of continuing to rail at Jack.
"Drags me out of the computer lab without even a how do you do, telling me he's just 'following orders'! Now I have to start hacking a top of the line military firewall FROM SCRATCH!" Jack simply arched an eyebrow.
"You finished?" He asked in a deadpan voice. Taking a deep breath, Sara adjusted her glasses.
"For now." She said calmly. "Now where's my pizza?" Jack's eyebrow ticked up another notch.
"Does the word 'please' happen to exist on planet Sara?" He asked with a hint of exasperation. Sara glared back at him.
"Not for you it doesn't. Do you have any idea how much work you just-." Suddenly Sara halted as she took note of the smiling blond in their midst. "The heck is she?" Sara asked, a slight hint of suspicion in her voice.
"She," Jack began. "is Star Butterfly. And she is our new friend. So if your royal imperial majesty is quite finished telling me how terrible I am for demanding she eat some damn food, I would appreciate you helping me and Ricky make her feel welcome." Sara glared at Jack for a bit, before finally turning to Star and sticking out her hand.
"Sara Takani, hacker, genius, and best friend to these two halfwit thugs." She declared, jerking her head at Ricky and Jack.
"Oh stop, you'll make us blush." Jack sniped. Sara however, just continued talking to Star.
"Welcome to Pine Creek High School. The boys are all perverts, the girls are all bitches, and the wifi signal is shit." Star, apparently having missed most of Sara's greeting slash rant, just grabbed onto her hand with both of hers. Sara winced, as Star looked at her with an expression of pure awe.
"Wow! You're so tough! And that outfit is so cool! Are you some sort of wandering adventurer?!" Sara simply stared at Star, before glancing at Jack and Ricky.
"Uhhh. . ." Ricky just shrugged, while Jack sighed.
"Star's not from around here. I also get the impression she's led what you'd call a 'sheltered' life." Sara nodded as she yanked her hand back from Star's inhumanly strong grip.
"You a gym rat or something? That grip of yours could crush bone." Star just laughed.
"Silly. I'm not a rat, I'm a Mewman! And yeah, I once crushed a rhykon's horn by accident while at a petting zoo!" Sara just gave Star a blank stare before turning to look at Jack.
"'Sheltered life' huh?" She inquired, looking at Jack with an extremely skeptical expression. "Is that what we're calling crazy now?" Jack glared at Sara.
"Be nice, we were all the new kid once. Besides, she who lives in glass houses, shouldn't throw great honken boulders around." He sniped, as Sara gave a dismissive wave.
"Fine fine, but if I'm going to have to interact socially, I will need proper sustenance." She declared airily. Jack, grumbling something about 'stuck up mad scientist loonies' slid his lunch tray across the table to Sara.
"Here, I'll get another." Sara looked down at the tray with an expression of mock disdain.
"You really know how to spoil a girl. Second hand lukewarm pizza? I must be dreaming." Jack struggled to fight through the fog in his head as he got up from his seat.
"Maybe if you spent less time making smart remarks and more time eating, it would still be hot. You kids play nice, I'm gonna go get some more food. Try and make Star feel welcome while I'm gone." Ricky nodded and gave a thumbs up.
"You got it Jackie!"
"Fine, but you're paying for my coffee when we meet up after school." Sara added in.
Jack simply nodded as he headed back to the cafeteria line. He just wanted to sit down and eat, then sleep for a week. He did still manage a chuckle though, as Star asked Sara if she could really throw boulders. Heading into the receiving line, Jack tried to ignore the feeling like his head was spinning. Only to hear a voice so saccharine and sweet it made his teeth ache. Yet instantly he felt awake, as hot rage burned through his veins.
"My, my, my, Jackie. You look soooo tired. Why don't you ditch the ditzy blond and the loser patrol and come sit with me?" Jack clenched his hands into fists as he replied.
"No thanks, I'm allergic to psychological torture." He snarled, turning to face the one person in this school he would happily kill if he thought he could get away with it. She might have looked the part of the innocent schoolgirl, but everyone in school knew Ellie Lawson was a demon. "And in case you've forgotten, you're the reason I'm tired in the first place! So if you would kindly fuck off, eat shit, and then crawl into a ditch and die, that would be just swell." Ellie let out a lilting laugh that suggested Jack had just told the funniest joke in the world.
"Oh Jackie, it wasn't me that made you like this. It was you, well, you and daddy's lawyers. After all, you did put my poor boyfriend in the hospital. He's still in a coma you know." Jack struggled to control his temper as he replied.
"Nice to know no good deed goes unpunished." He declared bitterly. Now get lost, I still haven't eaten and looking at you is making me lose my appetite." Ellie just smirked.
"Well, offer's open if you ever change your mind." She stated softly, as she turned and headed back to her table and her sycophantic followers. At that moment, Jack was extremely glad he wasn't armed, resisting the urge to make this particular reoccurring problem vanish permanently, was getting harder and harder. Jack honestly didn't even know why Ellie still talked to him, and every time with the same damn invite, or something similar. What part of tricking him and destroying his life made her think he'd like to hang out? Jack shook his head, he needed to eat. However, just as he grabbed a pair of paper plates each holding a slice of cheesy goodness, an almighty crash echoed through the lunch room, along with a series of panicked screams. . .
"Well?! Where is she?!" Ludo half yelled, half whined. Glaring as his amphibious spymaster, Buff Frog, not his real name, but who cared? Instead of answering, Buff Frog just scanned the terrified crowd of teens with an appraising eye. There were several blonds in the group, but none of them were Star. Granted he mostly was only able to tell this because none of them had charged into their strike team in a fit of joyous berserker-like fury.
"I do not know master. But I am certain she is in building somewhere." He declared confidently, his tone all business. Ludo just let out a sigh.
"Great, so now we have to search a building!" Ludo grumbled, more to himself than his minions. "Guess it's a good thing I canceled that one o'clock doctor's appointment after all." Glancing at the assembly of teens before him, Ludo gave a vicious smile. "Take a few prisoners! Someone here must know something!" However, as his monsters shrugged and moved to carry out his orders, they were halted by an angry sounding voice.
"Oi! Assholes!" This was followed by Ludo getting sent sprawling by a spinning lunch tray to the side of his head. As a young teen moved to position himself between the monsters and the crowd of humans. Ludo, his face a mask of anger, scrambled to his feet, and was about to call out an order to attack. Only to stop dead when he got a good look at his assailant.
He was about five six or so, with long dark brown hair that had a slight curl to it, pulled back into a ponytail. His startlingly green eyes narrowed in anger. However, what gave Ludo pause was how. . . pathetic he looked. The boy, for all he was attempting to be menacing, looked like he was barely able to stand up. Dark circles shone clearly under his eyes, as if he had been awake for days without sleep. His body was bowed slightly, as if nearly unable to support its own weight, and his hands trembled with a combination of hunger, fear, and adrenaline. Even his steps were hesitant and shuffling, like he was drunk or half asleep. In short, he looked like a wreck. Ludo just arched an eyebrow, tilting his head in confusion.
"And, you are?" Ludo asked, genuinely curious as he brushed himself off. The boy straightened up as best he could, his eyes barely able to focus.
"The guy who's gonna kick your ass if you don't back the hell off!" Ludo blinked, his expression incredulous as he glanced at his small army of monsters, most of which were easily twice the size of this strung out kid. The monsters stared back at their master with equally disbelieving expressions. Before they all burst into laughter.
"IS THIS KID SERIOUS?!" A Minotaur like monster howled, holding his gut as tears of mirth streamed from his eyes.
"HE LOOKS HALF DEAD ALREADY!" Roared a cyclops, slapping his knees. Ludo, doubled over with laughter, fell to his knees as he pounded the ground with his fist.
"WHAT'S-WHAT'S HE GONNA DO?! NAP ALL OVER US?!" He jeered, setting off another round of laughter from his subordinates.
"YOU'RE NO STAR BUTTERFLY KID!" Heckled another. Through it all, Jack just kept glaring, even as his body felt like it was one stiff breeze away from hitting the ground. He knew he was being incredibly stupid right now. Behind the mass of creatures, a giant hole had been punched through the cinder block wall of the school, chunks of it scattered across the lunchroom floor even as they spoke. If these things could do that, it was safe to say they'd have no problem pounding him into paste if they got hold of him. That said, if he could distract them long enough to give the other students a chance to run, that would at least give them a fighting chance. They could get out and call the cops, or better yet the army.
Unfortunately, instead of running for their lives like sensible people, the rest of the school was just staring at him. He seriously hoped none of them actually thought he could back up his threat. He might be able to do some damage if he was how he used to be. But right here, right now, he was so doped up on god knows what, that he couldn't have won a fight with a paraplegic mosquito! With the monsters currently too preoccupied to pay him more than passing attention, Jack turned around to hiss angrily at his fellow students.
"What are you idiots waiting for?!" He snarled. "Run! Before they call my bluff!" Some of the students took the hint, but others seemed reluctant to abandon him. Wonderful, his perfectly laid and not-at-all-desperate plan was going to fail because his classmates had a sudden attack of conscience! They were high schoolers for christ sake! Aside from baby boomers, they were literally the most self centered demographic out there! Except, apparently, for when it really mattered! As the monster's, for what else could Jack call them really, began to regain their composure. He hoped that at least Star was smart enough to be legging it in the opposite direction. . .
"Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!" Star declared as she half pushed, half fought, her way through the packed crowd of students. Ricky and Sara close behind. She had heard the crash, the screams, and and an all-to-familiar voice of Ludo, as the students had abandoned their lunches and gone to see what the commotion was, only to run into a second group of students fleeing said commotion. Instantly creating a wall of bodies so dense, even Star had trouble with it, at least, if she didn't want to hurt anyone. Which was also the only reason she hadn't just busted out her wand and cleared a path the easy way. Setting her classmates on fire was hardly the best way to make friends after all.
It took them several minutes to maneuver their way through the crowd, during which they heard shouting and laughter, followed by ominous quiet. Finally the trio managed to force their way past enough of the crowd to see what was happening, freezing in shock as they got a good look. There was Jack, barely standing, as a group of monsters advanced on him.
"What does that idiot think he's doing?!" Sara cried out, her voice filled with genuine worry. Ricky just shook his head.
"Hell if I know! Right now he's so weak I'm not sure he could win a fight against a child let alone whatever those things are! We gotta help!" Sara just shook her head.
"How exactly?! Most of those things are over seven feet tall! He might have never lost a fight, but even if he was back how he used to be, Jack isn't some superhero!" At that, Star's ears perked up.
"Wait. . . did Jack used to be a warrior or something?" She asked in confusion. Sara opened her mouth to reply, but Ricky beat her to it.
"He was until he was forced to start taking medication to 'calm him down' to avoid juvi! Before that shit was in his system, there wasn't anybody who could take him on!" Star opened her mouth to reply, only for a loud 'smack' to echo through the air, followed by a series of screams, as Jack was sent hurtling into several tall piles of stacked chairs with a loud crash. Star, Ricky and Sara had only a brief instant to note a trickle of blood running down Jack's face, before the teetering stacks of chairs collapsed on top of him, burying him under a small mountain of plastic and metal.
"JACK!" The scream of panic, came, rather unexpectedly, from Ellie Lawson. However it went largely unnoticed, as Star broke from the crowd, her wand raised.
"HEALING HEART OF HELLFIRE!" She shouted, as before the stunned expressions of the assembled students, a blast of energy in the shape of a burning heart, shot into the pile of chairs covering Jack. The energy ignoring the pile of collapsed seating like it wasn't even there.
For several long moments, both the humans and monsters stared at the pile of chairs. Star, chewing her lower lip, began to wonder if the spell had failed. She'd never tried to heal someone with magic before and the spell she just cast had essentially been pulled out of a hat from somewhere in her mind. She wasn't even entirely sure what she intended it to do. After another moment, Ludo glanced over at her with a confused expression.
"So was that supposed to burn away the chairs or what? I'm kind of lost he-." Ludo abruptly stopped talking, as the pile of chairs shifted slightly, and a sound that chilled him to the bone was heard. It took him a moment to recognize it. It was laughter, but it sounded. . . wrong. It was cold, mocking, and sinister, increasing in volume as the pile of chairs moved again.
"Hey. . . Ricky?" Spoke a muffled voice that, sounded like Jack, but with far more energy as well as a slight, and disconcerting, edge to it.
"Uh. . . yeah Jack?" Ricky asked, his face a mixture of fear, confusion, and hope.
"Requisition me a beat would ya buddy?" At that, Ricky's face split into a wide, slightly savage, grin. As Sara just looked suddenly concerned and giddy at the same time. Reaching into his pocket, Ricky pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen a few times. Scrolling through a list of tunes on Spotify, Ricky grinned as he tapped on the one he wanted. Instantly, the tap of cymbals was heard establishing a beat, just before an electric guitar started up at a rapid tempo. At first Ludo just stared nonplussed at Star and the crowd of humans, then the first eerie chanting words of the song were heard:
"Psycho! Psycho! Psycho! Go! Go! Go! Psycho! Psycho! Psycho! Here we go!" At the exact end of 'here we go' the pile of chairs exploded outward as a figure with a genuinely psychotic grin on his face burst out of them. Hurling a grabbed chair into the stunned monsters, they instinctively flinched as the song started up. Jack, his eyes shining with an insane light, and his clothes scorched by the fires of Star's spell, ran in among the monsters before they could react.
Grabbing another chair from off of the floor, Jack leapt up to smash the end of one of the legs into the eye of a cyclops. Falling into a crouch, he then snapped the heel of his own leg into the gut of a red monster with two heads, while simultaneously striking a reindeer antlered minotaur creature in the crotch with his fist. As the pair doubled over, Jack rose to his feet, a discarded plastic spork from the floor in his hand. With a look of psychotic glee, he dodged a clumsily executed body slam from a small fly-like monster, before stabbing the spork into one of its compound eyes as it passed.
Cackling madly at the sound of the monsters agonized shrieks, Jack ducked between the legs of a tall giraffe headed monster, nailing him in the groin as he did so. Before leaping up and headbutting a crab-like monster in the face. Grabbing the eye stalks of the bipedal crustacean, Jack laughed like a madman, as he pulled on them with all his strength. There was a sickening 'pop' and an agonized scream as both eyes came free in Jack's hands.
Monsters stumbled as they tried to put some distance between themselves and their crazed attacker. Only to look on in horror as he bit one of the eyeballs off the stalks in his hand, chewing thoughtfully, before swallowing.
"Mmm. . . nothing like fresh caught seafood!" He declared, smiling to reveal teeth stained with blood and ocular fluid.
"JACKI!" A voice shouted, briefly snapping the monsters out of their terror induced paralysis to glance back at the crowd of humans. Ricky, grinning from ear to ear, tossed Jack a bag of flour and a knife he and Sara had snatched from the kitchen. Catching the bag in one hand, and the handle of the knife in the other, Jack just nodded his thanks. Ludo, gripped by terror, pointed at the clearly insane human. He didn't know what he intended to do with a bag of flour and a knife, but after watching him literally eat the eyes of one of his minions, Ludo had no intention of waiting around to find out.
"STOP HIM! STOP HIM YOU IDIOTS!" Galvanized by their leader's command, the monsters rushed at Jack in a hoard. Save for the crab-man, who just ran straight into the wall behind them. Jack merely continued displaying his unsettling grin, as he cut open the bag of flour and threw the contents at the charging monsters. Crying out in surprise and pain, the monsters frantically tried to wipe the stinging particles of ground wheat from their eyes. As Jack reached into his pocket to pull free an old lucky charm of his, a zippo lighter, and thrust it into the white cloud before him. As he closed his eyes, emptied his lungs, and brought his finger down on the wheel of the igniter.
The blast wasn't particularly powerful, but it was enough that every monster in the cloud was rendered partially deaf, as one or more eardrums burst, and patches of hair and fur were scorched from their bodies. Once again, Jack gave them no time to recover, pocketing the lighter and tossing aside the knife as he made a beeline for the creature he'd pegged as their leader, the small shouty one with the skull helmet. Unfortunately, by skill, or more likely by sheer dumb luck, one monster, a big potato shaped bruiser with three eyes, managed to avoid the worst of the dust explosion. Distracted and caught off guard, Jack was sent flying away by a blow to the side of the head.
Crashing into the ground and rolling, Jack came to rest against a nearby wall. However, instead of staying down, the battered and burned monsters watched in horror as he staggered to his feet, unhinged laughter pouring from his mouth. His lips were split and bleeding, and one eye was already starting to swell shut, but he still smiled savagely, as he abruptly stopped laughing.
"Thank you sir. May I have another?" He asked sweetly, before once more devolving into yet more hysterical laughter, as he grabbed a nearby mop that one of the janitors had left leaning on the wall. Breaking the wooden handle over his knee, he grinned as he showed off his freshly created improvised spear. "Look ma'! I'ze gots a poky stick!" He declared, as he twirled the weapon in his hand, and charged at the, now deeply shaken, monsters. Only belatedly did he realize someone else was charging beside him.
"NARWHAL BLAST!" Star roared out, running into battle alongside her new best friend. As her mystically conjured cetacean sent monsters flying, she met Jack's stunned gaze with a bloodthirsty grin, that he swiftly returned.
"Might I have this massacre milady?" He asked, in an imitation of a british accent, as he offered her his hand. Star smirked as she placed her hand in his.
"You may indeed my dear Jackson." She replied, mimicking the high class Mewman accent her mother insisted was important. With the vicious smile still on his face, Jack dropped his spear and grabbed Star's outstretched hand in both of his, as he pivoted on one foot.
"FASTBALL SPECIAL!" He roared out, as he threw Star into the reeling hoard. Impacting the skull of the triclops that had sent Jack flying earlier, Star immediately began laying about with fist and spell. Monsters flew in every direction, screaming in pain and terror, as the blond whirlwind grinned like a maniac. And things only got worse for them as Jack reentered the fray.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" He bellowed, as he used his retrieved spear to stab a monster in the knee, before using the butt of it to drive the breath from another's lungs by jabbing it into his gut.
"On your right!" Star called out, blasting a charging monster from Jack's peripheral vision with a rainbow beam of energy from her wand.
"On your left!" He called back, returning the favor by throwing his hastily made weapon into the groin of the advancing foe. Rushing past one another, the warrior princess and the high school berserker followed up their attacks brilliantly. Star sending a side kick into a second charging monster, while Jack sent a wild haymaker into the eye of the one his attack had caused to double over. Moving almost as one, the pair traded positions, keeping their opponents guessing and off balance as they proceeded to dominate the fight. Eventually, the inevitable happened, as the monsters diminutive boss realized that soon the only thing standing between him and the pair of rampaging teens would be air.
"RETREAT! RETREAT!" Ludo shouted, scrambling with his dimensional scissors for a moment as he frantically slashed the largest portal he could in the air. Fear of Star Butterfly, and outright terror at her clearly unstable new friend, was more than enough to convince the monsters that discretion was the better part of valor, as they ran, or in some cases crawled, as fast as inhumanly possible toward the portal. Star was inclined to let them go, and after a moment so was Jack, though not without a few parting shots.
"FINE! RUN! JUST REMBER THAT IF YOU EVER COME BACK I'LL CRACK YOUR SKULLS OPEN AND EAT WHAT DRIPS OUT!" He roared, hurling chairs and scraps of broken tables at the frantically retreating monsters. Only when the last of them was through and the portal closed, did Jack seem to calm down. Looking over at Star he offered her a smile of pure gratitude, before turning on the crowed of awestruck students. "Ok kiddies, since I have your attention, here's the score. This," He declared gesturing at Star. "is Star Butterfly. She just saved my life, and probably all of yours. She's also new to this school and isn't terribly clear on how things work. She also, like yours truly, is a bit different in how she does things. So you lot are going to help her out, be nice to her, and make her feel welcome." Here Jack's tone darkened. "And anyone who doesn't better have a top notch fucking reason. Because if you don't. . ." Here Jack slammed his fist down on a still mostly intact table, instantly breaking it in half. "We clear?" He snarled. Instantly the students, some paling slightly, nodded. "Good!" Jack declared, his tone suddenly jovial. "Ricky, Sara, please explain all this to the teachers as best you can. Apologize to Mr. Yodwick on my behalf for all the damage, and keep an eye on Star for me." Ricky and Sara just nodded, grinning from ear to ear at Jack's energetic tone, a tone they hadn't heard in well over a year. "Excellent! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take this." And before anyone could even think to ask 'take what' Jack's eyes rolled into the back of his head, as he keeled over unconscious.
