I am purple. Well my tuxedo is. There's even some faint, unnoticeable, shadows on my eyes above cat tail eye liner. Tyson, when I showed him what I did, said I looked like a sad miserable basset hound who's too tired to hunt but in a good way and I honestly can't interpret that. Some nights I sit on this deep ocean blue couch and stare at the open front door just waiting for someone to come in. Some times it's a wild and fun fantasy where I get out of here and escape with someone to the wild and other times I imagine someone coming in with a pistol to send a bullet through my chest.
I'm staring off in distance humming the melody to a song called, "As the world caves in" all sad and sappy when he's holding a steaming cup of cammamille to my nose.
He furrows a brow, "Will, maybe you should have stayed with mom. I get the feeling you're unhappy here. It's been an entire semester and I haven't seen a single friend of yours."
I turn and look at him to say, "I have friends. There's uh- this kid I'm working on a summer project with."
"Yeah what's his name?" His? How bold of him to assume.
I stutter out Polo's name and my brother has the audacity to ask if we're involved romatically. That was out of left field. I know nothing of my brother's sexuality, I'm almost certain he doesn't have one but he's so unafraid to ask if I might be homo or even Bi-sexual in such a casual way.
I laugh, "No. He's in some triangle situation with the March princess and the party kid."
There's an eerie silence. I look at him in an investigative way but find nothing until he speaks, "The marchioness."
Oh shit. Her family must have something to do with his personal mission of poetic vengence. He targets pedophillia and it's unspoken truth. From the fear he's shedding I suppose the Marchioness's father is somehow heavily involved in some Hillary Clinton, missing emails, jeffery being murdered in prison bullshit. I don't know but it's none of my business.
"You've heard of the scandal going on?" He asks as he adjusts my bowtie, a bright turquoise.
I try to recall some of the conversations I'd over heard in class. Nadia's brother is gay and hooking up with Ander and they smoke/ sell pot together I think. Guzman looks really good in his speedo for swim team. Him and Luceria fuck in the locker rooms sometimes but he's got it bad for Nadia. I think I mostly only notice Nadia and Guzman because they got mad chemistry and it's so worth writing about.
"No." I tell him, "Why what's going on."
He shakes his head, "Nothing just Watch- I mean- be careful at the dance tonight."
Yes, Tyson. I'm totally planning on hooking up with Carla in the locker room and getting caught somehow in the weird triangle thing but it would be a square right? Shut up William. This isn't helping...
So then I'm ready. I'm leaving. Tyson's prepared a ride for me and it's actually super cool. I'll be stepping out of a shimmering purple and blue camero that seems to be illuminated with the many golden shiny constellations so meticulously painted. Tyson always says, "The random of the universe is so necessary. Be the random."
I'm sitting there on the leather seat sipping a glass of whisky and peering out through my blonde hair helmet poof at the window and the song that overtakes my mind has to be this one of course. It what I've felt since my first day; Waving through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen.
I've learned to slam on the break
Before I even turn the key
Before I make the mistake
Before I leave with the worst of me
Give them no reason to stare
No slipping up if you slip away
So I got nothing to share.
No I got nothing to say.
We've pulled up. There are lanterns of white lining both sides of the stair case towards the schools entrance and one by one the students step out making there debut. I'm next. So I do what the song says.
Step out step out of the sun if you keep getting burned.
I'm standing there with the musical flourish going on in my head as people turn to stare at me. The March Princess notices me. She's bearing her left arm and a white shall goes down to her hip, the dress of the same material clings to her but falls away at her tall lanky legs. She's so beautiful. Evil bitch.
Step out step out of the sun because you've learned
Because you've learned.
I work up the guts and make my way up the steps.
On the outside always looking in
Will I
Ever be more than I've always been
Cuz I'm tap tap tapin on the glass
I'm Waving through a window!
I step right past her and her little pet the party boy. I walk past Ander and his drug dealer boyfriend/ Nadia's gay brother. I enter the swirling pink and blue lights.
I try to speak but
nobody can hear
So I
Wait around for an answer to appear
While I'm watch, watch watchin people pass
I'm waving through a window.
I'm in the middle of the floor and it's a song I love very much playing but the one in my head is so much louder.
Can anybody see
is anybody waving...
There's Polo. His white and blue is so pretty. He's so pretty. He's looking,
back at me.
The melody in my head fades and the people swarm me. I get lost in the music and find a rythm. It gets weirder. People are dancing with me. No words. No eye contact. We're all just having fun like it's a night at the club. The smell of alcohol hits me. Good. Someone spiked the punch. Then I'm board and there's a whole damn school just vacant right now and my heart is singing for me to get lost in it's maze. Imagine the inspiration I'll get in these corridors after hours.
I wonder if anyone's up to anything right now out there? Should I go get in trouble. Oh I do want that. I pass Guzman in the crowd, I pass Ander and his partner. I slip past a curtain and into the cold quiet and my song has returned.
We start with stars in our eyes.
We start believing that we belong
My hallucinations begin. I start seeing people who aren't there and I know they aren't there still I let the melody in my head play and I dance with the ghosts because I feel they understand the music better.
But every sun doesn't rise.
And no one tells you where you belong.
I've made a couple turns and the music stops. All those faces I'm seeing turn in the direction of a muffled sound. The pool house is in there and... and who ever is in there is arguing. All of my ghost friends fade and I know it's real so my nosey ass decides to check it out. I can see the twitter post now; Crazy kid dancing in the halls cuz he's drunk catches a teacher screwing around with a student.
Only it's not a teacher. It's two students. And they're not screwing around. They're fighting. Pretty loudly.
Weird. I've never seen Polo and Marina in the same place at the same time before except for class and they never really associate with each other.
"dome el reloj!" Something about a watch.
There's a struggle and I feel the need to suddenly step in because the melody is abusing me now
Step out step out of the sun if you keep getting burned
Step out step out of the sun because you've learned.
Because you've learned.
I brace my self to be brave and I swore to my brother I wouldn't get involved. This is exactly what the fuck he meant so here I am and,
On the outside always looking in
Will I ever be more than I've ever been
cuz I'm tap, tap, tappin on the glass
Waving through a window, OHHH I
I step into the pool room unnoticed. They're so loud they can't hear me.
I hear her call him a puppet as I'm rounding a corner and then she's telling him she pities him.
I try to speak but nobody can hear, so I
wait around for an answer to appear
Cuz I'm watch, watch, watchin people pass
Waving through a window, Ohhhhh!
She's turned her back. He's angry, hurt, overwhelmed. Something he's been bottling up is about to burst out. He's picking up that statue that this hippie chick somehow won which is like a symbol of winning a scholarship. Really fucking creepy ass statue of an angel missing a head and it's made entirely of cement. He's got it raised above his head and his mind is made up those eyes are black.
Can anybody see!
Is anybody waving...
I dive past her confused face that's just now realizing I'm there and I grab the statue before he brings it down on her skull.
"Woah!" I shout, "Easy, Polo."
He buckles to his knees.
When you've fallen in a forest and there's nobody around
do you ever really crash or even make a sound.
When you've fallen in a forest and there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash or even make a sound.
I crouch down, "Dude, I know you don't know me- but we should take a walk. Do you realize what would happen to you if you went through with that."
He's weeping when he looks up at me and it's all very intense and blue and all of this atmosphere they've created is swirling into mine and I suddenly realize the weather concept Tyson mentioned because my insides are fucking hurricane.
"You tried to kill me." Says Maria.
Uptempo
When you've fallen in a forest and there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash or even make a sound
When you've fallen in a forest and there's nobody around
Do you ever really crash or even make a sound.
I speak to both of them refusing to take sides, "What the hell have you two been through to have you at this level. This is insane. Who gives a fuck about a watch."
"You don't understand." Says Polo, "Please leave."
I cock a brow and look down at him, "Did I even make a sound?
They're both looking at me funny.
Still I continue, "Did I even make a sound. It's like I never made a sound. Will I ever make a sound."
"What the fuck?" Says Marina.
I will ignore there sad attempts at an american accent.
Full Symphony
"On the outside always lookin in
Will I
Ever be more than I've always been
Cuz I'm tap, tap, tapin on the glass
Waving through a window! Ohhh I
I try to speak but nobody can hear,
So I
Wait around for an answer to appear
Cuz I'm watch, watch, watchin people pass
Waving through a window OHHHHHH!
Can anybody see,
Is anybody waving... back at me.
Is anybody waving!
Waving!
Waving!
Wooooaaah! Woah oohhhhh!
The music in my head stops. I go silent. You could hear a pin drop. There's a squeak as a glass door is sliding open. It's the older brother of that one kid Samu, one of the potential baby daddies I think. So much fucking drama and I just gave these two a free concert they probably hated.
She runs to him and Polo charges but I press my arm to his breast plate and everything in my body tingles.
She embraces her partner. They discuss something in whispers but it echoes and essentially he's telling her they have no time and they've got to go but she's not ready. She spins on her heel and pulls the watch out of her person. Poor thing isn't even really dressed for the event but I guess it's okay all things considered. She won the statue thing right. She gives Polo the watch and ignores Nano's confused complaints and she takes the statue.
"We have money." She tells me. I don't know why though, "I can't destroy everything like this. I guess i'm taking a scholarship in the US."
She offers me a smile and then she and the tall scruffy guy are leaving.
Polo stands up and looks at me like a puppy a firefighter pulls out of a sink hole. Oh, shit. What do I do? There's no song playing right now. I'm just... random.
He says, "Ven conmigo por favor." Come with me please.
I nod and follow him. It looks like I'm on the other side of that window now...
