3 a.m. Shit. I'm still up.

Maddie lied in her childhood bed as she did every night.

This is why I take the damn night shift.

She pulled out her phone to check Twitter. Upon realizing that everyone she followed was arguing about Infinite Jest again, she exited the app. She decided to open Instagram instead. See how her old friends are doing.

Mary posting some more inspirational bullshit. Whatever. Thanks for leaving me on read, bitch. Cody's taking pictures of some desert. IDGAF. Zack's still going on about how "real" Joker is. If I slid into his DMs, would he still be interested? Maybe if I get desperate enough. If he turned me down it would definitely be a low point in a life full of them.

Maddie stopped scrolling. There was still one account she wanted to check in on. She typed the name into the search bar since she does not follow this person. She felt the same twinge of bitterness she always felt when she scrolled through this account. Bitterness mixed with...Maddie's hand started to hover over her crotch before she quickly withdrew.

No. Absolutely not. You're not jerking off to your ex's Instagram...again.

She shut her phone off, stuffed it back in her drawer, and slammed it shut. She sighed a deep and emotionally-drained sigh. Maddie remembered when She also had trouble sleeping. She would call her at random hours of the night.

Maybe she just didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. If she has any. Laugh track (Maddie always imagined one following her brilliant quips.)

Maddie screamed into her pillow.

It's been 10 years.

10 years since she last spoke to London Tipton. She spent the first two in-denial.

Once she's had her fun on the S.S. Tipton, she'll come back to Boston. And so will Moseby and the twins. There's no way they've forgotten about me, especially not her. I SAVED HER LIFE FROM CHOKING DAMMIT!

Then the S.S. Tipton got shut down. Maddie tried reaching out to London and the twins. At least the Martins gave her the bare-minimum "it was nice catching up with you" convo. She didn't even know whether London saw her message. London must have started using a different personal phone. Every time she tried calling that number, she got a French intern saying he'll relay the message.

He must have thought I was a crazy person and that's why she isn't speaking to me. She never got my message. Still…..if she wanted to talk to me, there's nothing stopping her. Maybe she'll ask her new assistant if he's ever heard from and realize what a shitty job he's done. And then fire his ass for keeping me away from her.

Two more years went by. Maddie realized she wasn't coming back. She tried to push all memories of London to the back of her head. It didn't matter.

I've worked my ass off my entire life. I don't need anyone, least of all a spoiled rich bitch who was being gifted exotic plants at the age of 12. Fitzpatricks have had to fend for themselves ever since my great-grandparents got on that boat to escape famine. Fuck her.

That mindset helped her show up to work everyday. Who cares if she spent every minute at home lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling while bawling. Her parents didn't care so why should she. They didn't even notice when she stopped eating dinner. And lunch. She tried swiping some candy, occasionally, only to immediately vomit it up into the nearest trash can. Her parents still didn't notice. Well, until she made her first suicide attempt. "Attempt" being a bit of a strong word though. She wrote a letter, and sat on the toilet with her mother's pills and a glass of water on the sink. She could've done it at any moment. But deep down, she knew that she had no intention of going through with it. She just wanted somebody to notice her pain. Year five. Maddie was diagnosed with depression and some sort of anxiety disorder. She began taking meds. Her parents had even put a temporary halt to their fights to be more observant of their daughter.

So generous of them.

Maddie even began attending Catholic mass with them. She never believed in that shit when she was with Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow but right now, she needed all the help she could get. Maybe she liked the idea of someone who wouldn't abandon her. This newfound parental compassion lasted a little over a year and it was back to the same old nightly fights. Maddie couldn't really commit to her newly saved soul either. At least the meds were working. Until she stopped being able to afford them in 2017. Still, her situation had slightly improved. She was more social with Esteban and Mrs. Martin again. She had begun going out on dates with guys again (though they were all losers). She even became mutual followers with the twins on social media.

That has to count for something, right?

Speaking of social media and dating, Maddie just recently made a very important decision. She changed her Tinder preference to Men and Women. Not a huge statement in this day and age but a milestone for her. Maddie had always been sheepish about acknowledging her sexuality to herself. Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow wasn't exactly a gay-friendly atmosphere. That's partially why being with London felt so euphoric for her. It was a secret both of them could share together.

I can't pretend I didn't think that was the most romantic shit.

Still, after she and London stopped talking, Maddie never felt comfortable pursuing this side of her any further. She could deal with whatever douche-y guy shit she had to put up with on her one-off dates. But seeing other women felt like an admission that London was never coming back. Plus,

I don't want to get hurt again.

Coincidentally, Maddie noticed a new notification from Tinder. She matched with someone.

Sure, why not. Let's see who the poor sap is this time….Oh. It's a woman. Bailey Pickett.

That name sounded very familiar. Did she go to school with her? Then, it dawned on her.

Oh my god.

The color flushed from her face when she saw that the girl was typing a message.

"hey"

"Hello"

"i think i know you?"

"Yeah. We've met before."

"your london's old friend right?"