A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all you incredible mothers. (PS: I'm not a mother, at least not as yet. One day perhaps... LOL). Thank you for last chapter's reviews. I appreciate it. Enjoy!


Olivia Pope didn't do therapy, never once in her life had she been to a therapist. However, that all changed when the love of her life pleaded with her to go. At first she attended the one-hour sessions quite reluctantly just to appease him. However, with each one-hour session she received, Olivia felt her barriers being broken down inch by inch. During one particular session she remembered speaking so honestly that it scared her to death. Her therapist Sheila had simply asked, "At this point in your life, what do you hope for?"

Olivia stared at the tall, blonde hair woman and gave her a wry smile. She took several minutes to contemplate the question and her answer. What could she possibly hope for? Hope in itself seemed to be something that wasn't for her. Her entire life seemed hopeless but for some reason she was still alive and breathing. A burst of strength and energy came from a place she didn't know existed. It was as though her soul reserved strength for times when she felt completely weak and weary.

Opening her mouth several times with no words escaping she almost didn't answer her question. How can she articulate her hopes, wants and desires into the universe without it completely sabotaging it?

Shaking her head to clear her forlorn thoughts, she tapped into the well of strength she unconsciously preserved, enabling her to open her mouth to answer the question that was asked five minutes prior.

"I… I want to be completely happy, I want to be loved unconditionally, I want a family of my own and I want bad things to stop happening to me. But, I do not think that it will ever happen." She finished sadly, looking down at her clasp hands in her lap.

"Why don't you think so?"

Olivia snickered pretentiously and rolled her shoulders to loosen the tension found there. She answered, "From the moment I was born it was like the universe conspired against me. First, my mother practically had to move away from her family when she was pregnant with me because her family didn't want anything to do with her; secondly, my father was an abusive asshole. What's next?" She asked in a faux chipper tone. "Oh, he tried to burn down the house with all three of us inside. Guess what? He succeeded by taking my mother's and his life." She paused and took a deep breath to quell the anger brewing inside of her.

"And then, I went to live with my grandmother," she continued. "And all she saw was Eli's spawn that took her precious daughter away. All my life I paid for the sins of my father. She reminded me each chance she got of how unworthy my father was of her daughter and I agree." She sighed deeply. "Now, here I am at the age of 25 with no blood relations, no family to look out for me…"

She paused for a few seconds to get a handle of her emotions before she spoke again.

"And when I finally think that my life is going right, the universe decides to throw me a curveball." She shook her head warily.

"I finally found someone to love me for me and I for them. I'm finally happy being in a nice, stable relationship and out of the blue I get screwed over." The tears that she fought so desperately to keep at bay fell down her cheeks.

"To be honest, I don't know why I'm surprised that something as bad as being sexually assaulted would happen to me, it's like I should expect bad things to happen to me. Is this why I'm here? To take the shitty end of the stick? Am I ever going to be fully happy? Or am I supposed to always wait for the other shoe to drop?" She asked seriously, hoping her therapist would offer her some insight that she was missing.


Olivia shook her head from her thoughts and focused on what Fitz was saying. The spring weather was warm and nice so the couple decided to take an unusual walk downtown.

"You were gone for a minute there, babe, you ok?" Fitz asked, stopping his long strides to study her.

"I'm fine," Olivia brisk, sometimes hating when he picked up on her every move. It was a blessing and a curse.

Fitz gave her a tight smile picking up on her defensive tone but didn't bother to comment on it. But instead, he recommenced their walk by holding onto her right hand and intertwining their fingers again.

"Where do you want to go? We've been walking around for an hour now."

Olivia shrugged she was content with simply walking around the busy downtown sidewalks with him. That soon ended when she spotted a Menchies store across the street. With a smile on her face, she said, "we can go get froyo."

"Hmmm. I'm down," Fitz acquiesced and they made their way across to the pink and green decorated store.

Upon being greeted at the door by the friendly worker Olivia and Fitz made their way to the machines that dispersed the tasty treats.

"What are you getting?" Liv asked, grabbing two of the sample size cups to taste the new pomegranate and blueberry flavor her eyes fell on.

"Mango sorbet," Fitz answered, picking up one of the logoed cups to fill his halfway with the sorbet.

"Again?" Olivia teased. "You get the same thing every single time."

Fitz chuckled, "I do not."

"Yes you do," Olivia retorted. "Here, try this," she commanded, holding up the sample cup filled with the bluish-purple yogurt for him to try.

Fitz squished his face but obliged her request. A tip of the yogurt on his tongue had him shaking his head negatively. "No. This is not the one," he told her.

Olivia laughed and took the cup from him. She tried the yogurt and had to agree with him, it definitely wasn't the best combination of fruits.

"Ok, you're right. That wasn't exactly the best combination. Let's try…" she eyed the labels above the machines. "Ooo… Let's try the key lime pie and banana."

Fitz shook his head no. "How about you try that and I get what I already know what I want."

"You're no fun," she said, sticking out her tongue at him – either oblivious or uncaring of the other patrons around.

"Whatever," he returned, leaning forward to give her a quick peck. Ok… They definitely didn't care about the other patrons.

After they had gathered their frozen yogurt and had paid for it they made their way to a vacant bench.

"This is so good," Olivia hummed. "You have to try this, Fitz." She held up the pink spoon for him to have a taste.

"Hmmm…" Fitz savored the taste. "Not bad."

"See… It's good to try new things sometimes."

"I said it's not bad, I didn't say it's better than my mango sorbet because it's not."

Olivia rolled her eyes and playfully slapped his arm. "Whatever Fitzgerald…"

"Carolyn..."

"Stop… you know I hate that name."

"Why?" Fitz chuckled, for some unknown reason she wasn't fond of her middle name.

"Makes me sound like an old woman."

"Puhlease… What about Fitzgerald? Sounds like I should be born in the 18th century."

Olivia laughed heartily and when she'd found reprieve, she said, "You won, babe."

"You bet your ass I did."

"Shit!" Olivia exclaimed when the sudden gush of wind blew away the paper napkin from off her lap. Fitz quickly got up to grab the brown paper napkin. The wind that carried it eventually went away and left it to fall on the cobblestone sidewalk near the stationary newspaper stand. Fitz bent his knees to retrieve the litter and came eye to eye with the day's newspaper displayed in the green case. His eyebrows perked up when he saw Ward's face plastered on the lower corner of the paper.

He read the bolded letters underneath his picture. Former Fire Lieutenant accepted plea deal for minimum of 30 years imprisonment for the sexual assault of seven female workers underneath his immediate supervision.

Of course Fitz had known this but seeing it again rekindle the rage in his veins. It had been a month since the incident but so much of their life had changed. His relationship with Olivia had changed. The love was still there but there was a difference in how they interacted with each other. He was overly cautious with her and she was guarded.

"Woohoo! Fitzgerald!" Olivia playfully waved from the bench, snapping him out of his thoughts. He got up from his crouched position, fixed his bunched up denim shirt before throwing the paper napkin into the nearby trashcan.

"What were you reading?" Olivia asked when he returned to the wrought iron bench.

Fitz moved close to her, their jeans clad legs pressed against each other. "Nothing important," he downplayed, not wanting to bring up Ward and have him be a dark cloud over their afternoon. Although therapy was helping her it still wasn't easy for her to recall or be reminded of anything from that day.

"Oh." She snuggled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder as she people watched. From a distance away she noticed a young family with a small child with them. The father was holding the little girl in his arms while she pointed at every inanimate object. He looked blissfully happy playing along with her silly game.

Fitz noticed the dreamy look on her face and followed her line of vision, discovering a small family. He too took in the happy look on their faces as the little girl babbled away. Curious to know what she was thinking, Fitz casually mentioned, "cute family, huh?"

"Em mm," Olivia absentmindedly agreed.

"Would you like to have children someday?" They had joked about it in the past but never really had a serious conversation on the topic.

Olivia shrugged her shoulder.

"Yes… no… maybe?" Fitz tried to get an answer out of her.

She was terrified to answer him. Even though her therapist had drilled it over and over in her head that she belonged and deserved to be happy she was hesitant about the future. It was so unsure and she was tired of being disappointed and taken advantage of.

Fitz waited for her to answer and when she didn't he decided to answer his own question. "Well… one day I would love to have two children. Hopefully, a boy and a girl."

Olivia nodded her head in acknowledgement but didn't say anything. Did he want two children with me or would it be with someone else? Am I too damaged to be someone's mother someday? – Were all questions she internally asked herself.

"You're not going to say anything?" Fitz asked, a little annoyed. Here he was pouring out his hopes for the future and she didn't say a word. And it only caused him to feel anxious. Fitz never saw himself as a dad before because of the life he once lived. But, the more time he spent with Liv he could see that possibility in the future. Maybe she doesn't want kids, he thought. Why else would she not say anything?

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Olivia redirected the conversation deliberately.

"You're unbelievable right now," Fitz growled, shaking his head. Standing to his feet he roughly ran his hand through his wavy curls. "What do you want to eat?"

She quickly felt guilty and insensitive to dismiss him the way she just did. He was so patient and kind to her and she was exactly the opposite.

"I'm sorry." She said sincerely, holding onto his hand pulling him back down to retake his seat.

Fitz reluctantly sat next to her and intentionally put space in between them, keeping his gaze off of her.

A few seconds passed them like that before she confessed in a soft voice, "I do want kids, but I'm afraid it won't happen. "

Fitz finally turned his attention on her and regarded her with curious eyes.

"Why? Is there something wrong? If something is wrong that's not a problem for me I'm not going to leave you because of it." He reassured her, thinking that maybe she couldn't physically make a child and that was ok with him if that was the case.

Olivia smiled lovingly at him for even thinking so far and being so considerate. "As far as I know I'm fine. My body is fine. But, that wasn't what I was referring to when I said it might not happen for me."

Fitz looked at her expectantly waiting on her to elaborate the reasons for her disbelief.

She answered, "I don't have the best luck in the world," she confessed. "Who knows what will happen in the future? So… I'm not holding my breath. Who's to say that tomorrow we won't break up?"

"Wha-what?" Fitz sat up straighter. "Where is all of this coming from?" Fitz had never known her to be a pessimist. She shrugged her shoulder in reply.

"It's just the way it is for me. Some people aren't meant to ever be fully happy."

When she said that Fitz felt like someone had stabbed his heart with a knife. Was he not making her happy?

"Livvie, baby… Fitz intertwined his fingers with hers and brought it to his lips. Trailing soft kisses on her knuckles, he said, "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now and I know it's hard. I promise you for as long as I breathe that you will be happy. If there is no one else that deserves happiness, you do. You're so caring, loving and nurturing. Look at Sarah, who knew what would be next for her? She's getting adopted into a nice family and she's having a chance to be a normal child. There's hope. Hope that one day this dark cloud will move away." He paused and wiped the trickle of tear that fell onto her right cheek.

" I love you so much, Livvie, and I do not see us ending tomorrow or the day after that. You're it for me." He finished boldly and confidently.

Olivia was too choked up to speak so she settled for a nod of her head.


Two Days Later

It was Fitz' first day back at the job. Olivia had yet to return to work or to the fire academy since the incident, as she was on short-term disability. She sat unscrewing the chunky twists from her hair and watched as he got dressed to leave.

"What are you going to do today?" Fitz asked, pulling the firehouse 51 logoed polo shirt over his head.

"I'm going to my apartment and do some light cleaning. It's been awhile since I did," she answered. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she'd visited her old apartment for longer than a few minutes. And that was since Fitz got injured which was a littler over two months ago.

"Oh, I…" Fitz paused, looking like he had wanted to say something more, but at last minute decided against it.

Olivia fluffed her hair after the last twist was unscrewed. "What were you going to say?" She asked, getting up from the soft bed. Since moving into the master room they had yet to move back into Fitz' room. They'd found the master room to be much more comfortable and spacious for the both of them.

She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against the center of his back. She could feel the muscles on his back undulate with each breath he took.

He took a deep breath and replied. "I was going to do this later, over a nice dinner, but… there's no time like present time."

"Right…" Olivia agreed, taking a step back when he began turning his body around to face her. He cupped her face with one of his giant palms and stared into her brown eyes, lovingly.

Biting the bullet, Fitz said, "I want my home to be your home. Move in with me, Livvie." It was a soft plea.

Ok… She wasn't expecting that, at all.

Her mind instantly flooded with uncertainties and she looked away from his hopeful, almost gleeful look.

"Fitz…"

Immediately his face fell crestfallen at the dubious sound of her voice.

"We haven't been dating for a year…"

And so it began, the thousands upon hundreds of excuses she would give.

"Don't answer now, take the day to think about it." Fitz interrupted before she could further oppose.

Olivia nodded and he gave her a tight smile. Pecking her lips softly he resumed getting dressed before he leaved for work.


Two hours after Fitz left for work Olivia drove over to her apartment. She still got giddy when she drove her new car, she loved it and was especially grateful that asides from car insurance, which Fitz had added her onto his, was the only expense she had for the car. With her little less than half the cost he added the rest and they were able to purchase and pay for the car in full.

The first thing she did when she got to the apartment was opened all of the blinds to let in as much sunlight as possible. She discovered light dust on the surfaces of her furniture. Although slightly dirty, being in her apartment gave her a kind of warmth and comfort that no other place afforded. This was her space and she reveled in it.

Suddenly, Fitz' impromptu and unexpected proposal ran through her mind as she reacquainted herself with the small apartment. Even though she hadn't been back at her place in quite sometime, she couldn't see herself letting go of it anytime soon. Sighing at that conclusion she knew that Fitz would be disappointed with her answer, at least for the time being.

She spent the next four hours cleaning the neglected apartment, starting with dusting the furniture and wiping down the surfaces before vacuuming and mopping the floor – while bobbing and dancing to an eclectic mixture of R&B, Pop, Blues, Hip Hop and other genre of music.

By the time she was finished she felt exhausted. She checked her phone to see if Fitz had sent her any message and wasn't surprised that he did.

Fitz: Hope your day is going well, baby. You won't believe that I'm stuck on paperwork duty. :( Oh, everyone said hi. Love you. **Heart emoji**

Olivia smiled at the text before returning one.

Liv: Day is going well and I'm glad you're on paperwork duty. You don't need to be superman on your first day back. Tell them I said hello too and I'll see them soon…

Besides from Abby, Harrison and Stephen Olivia hadn't interacted much with the other members from the firehouse.

A few seconds passed and her phone vibrated.

Fitz: Thought you were on my side :(. Anyways, have you thought about what we discussed this morning?"

She sighed when she finished reading the text message. She wasn't going to go over that via text.

Liv: "I have and we'll discuss it later. Ok?"

Fitz: "Ok."

Liv: "I'm going to go get something to eat. Talk to you later. Love you."

Fitz: "Love you too."

After unsuccessfully rummaging through her refrigerator Olivia settled on ordering a small cheese pizza. Twenty minutes later her pizza was delivered to her door and was paid for.

Three slices later Olivia was stuffed to the brim and the symptoms of food coma plagued her.

With basically nothing else to do Olivia took a long hot shower, rinsing off the grime from the day's work. When she was finished she took her time pat drying her skin before applying lotion to it. Finally, slipping on a simple pair of red, satin panty and tank top without bra she climbed into her soft bed. She marveled at the feel of her own sheets underneath her body. She missed this level of comfort, it's not that she didn't get it when she's at Fitz, it's just that being in her own place made her feel truly at home. Sighing deeply she closed her eyes, floating into the land of dreams.


"Help! Help!" A frantic 10-year-old Olivia screamed, running through a forest while being chased by a grizzly bear. She tried to run as fast as her short legs would carry her but it wasn't helping much when the bear was hot on her heels.

"Help!" She cried again, but no one heard her because she was alone in this jungle. Swiftly looking over to the left side she saw a small cave that was big enough to hold her small body. Rerouting her strides without stopping, she ran into that direction as fast as she could. She narrowly escaped the bear's deadly paw when her body slid into the cave. The ferocious growls of the bear scared her to death. Her legs curled into her body impossibly close. She shivered in fear, thinking that that was her last few remaining breaths.

Then out of nowhere she heard her mother's voice saying, "everything you need, Livia, is already inside you."

Olivia hysterically looked around the damp cave to see where the sound came from but found no source.

"Mo…Mom…" she hiccupped.

"It's me child." Her mother answered.

"Where are you?" Olivia asked, looking around the cave, feeling a new sense of calm and tranquility at the sound of her mother's soft voice.

"I'm with you. I'm in your heart."

Olivia looked down at her flat chest and placed a small palm on her frantically pacing heart.

"Everything you need is already inside of you." Her mother repeated.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, confused.

"It means that the strength you need to overcome every struggles and hardships is inside of you. I love you, Livia."

"Mom, come back to me." She pleaded.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I cannot but I love you. I will always love you. You're the best thing that had happened to me."

"Mom? Mom? Mom?" Olivia cried but her mother's voice had gone. She sat in the cave weeping at the words spoken to her. She wanted her mommy back. She was so distraught that she hadn't realized that the bear had gone away. Now a new sadness plagued her heart.

"Don't be sad, my little sunshine." She heard her mother spoke again and that made her smile. When she was alive that was her nickname for her. Feeling more hopeful, Olivia stretched her legs and began climbing out the cave, no longer worried about the bear. But as soon as she got out she saw a huge snake lying in the grass. She didn't know whether she should run or stand still, she did the latter. She stood watching the snake as it poked out its tongue at her.

"Everything you need is inside of you. Everything you need is inside of you."

She kept rehearing her mother's words over and over. And with each new time she heard it she believed it. And when she believed it, the snake began to shrink in size.

Hope and courage coursed through her veins as she witnessed a miraculous act before her very eyes. Opening her small mouth, she said, "Everything I need is inside of me." She repeated it over and over again, and the snake had no other choice but to shrink. When the snake had swiveled up and died, feelings of renewed strength flowed through her veins.

"Be happy my child…" was the last thing she heard.


Olivia woke up drenched in sweat from the vivid dream she'd just experienced. It felt so real and her mother's voice sounded just like how she' remembered it to be. Feelings of nostalgia and disarrayed emotions caused her to clutch her comforter tightly around her body and wept. She cried for the times she couldn't have cried because her grandmother forbidden it. She cried for the time when she was too prideful or emotionally inept to do so. She cried for the hopelessness she sometimes felt. She cried for the times that feared crippled her…

She let it all out in her bedroom on her bed. She let it all go. She allowed herself to be the scared little ten-year-old girl left without a caring mother. And in the midst of her mourning and tears, the seed that was planted all those years ago by the hands of her mother – finally burst open and a beautiful blossom was form. A blossom that will one day turn in to the most beautiful tree. Her soul had suffered much but one day her heart will rejoice abundantly.


Fitz got home from work the next morning and to his surprise Olivia's car wasn't in the driveway. After their text messaging session earlier yesterday they hadn't spoken to each other since. He ended up being utterly busy for the remainder of his work shift, and when he had had free time it was way too late for him to call her.

Reaching for his phone on the passenger side seat he grabbed it and dialed her phone number. One ring, two rings, three rings, five, six, seven… he was about to end the call when he finally heard her sleepy voice saying hi.

"Hi…"

"Where are you?" He asked, getting straight to the point of his concern.

"I'm home. At my apartment," she answered simply.

"Oh. Did you sleep there?" He asked, even though he could very well guessed the answer.

"Yes."

Silence fell over them for a few seconds.

Fitz took a deep breath before asking, "Are you coming back over today?"

Olivia sighed on the other end of the phone.

"No. You can come by if you want to, though." She offered.

Fitz nodded his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He opened the door to his truck and swung his legs outside of it – the cool morning breeze caressed his skin.

"Is that your answer to my question I asked you yesterday morning?" He asked, instead of replying to her statement.

Hearing her deep breaths on the phone line, he steeled himself for her rejection.

"At this point in my life I'm not ready for that step," she answered truthfully. "I'm sorry, Fitz."

He closed his eyes and allowed the sinking feel of disappointment to wash over him. He truly thought that she would've had no problem with his proposal, especially when they had been practically living together for the past 2 months. It hurt that she said no.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you, because I do want to be with you, Fitz. I love you and that hasn't changed, but I'm not ready to give up my personal space as yet." She further explained.

He sighed and clutched the phone tighter in his grip. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm not hurt or a little upset because I am, but I understand what you're saying. And I respect your decision to do what's best for you."

"Thank you."

Silence fell over them, each thinking about what had been said.

Olivia cleared her throat, breaking their silence. "Do you want us to go out for dinner tonight? My treat." She added, lightly.

Fitz smiled semi-sadly. "I would love that."


A/N: Yup… that's all folks. I'm really trying not to lose interest in my stories, because I need to finish them all before I call it quits.

Liv is fighting a battle of her life and it's truly sad. Fitz is there for her but sometimes you're the only person that could help yourself get over a hurdle. She had a dream about her mom. Let's hope that gave her some new insight to life.

They had a cute little stroll downtown and they had a baby talk that didn't necessarily go the way Fitz had hoped for. Poor guy….

How do you feel that she declined Fitz' invitation to live together? Think she did what was best for her?

In case you missed it:

*Sarah is getting adopted. Remember Sarah from several chapters' back who Liv rescued on the job? That's her. :)

And Eric accepted a plea deal for 30 years minimum. eye roll

Let me know how you find this chapter and I look forward to your reviews.

Until next time,

XOXO