A/N: Heading on a mini vaca from tomorrow but I had to push myself to update this story before I leave because when I'm on my vaca I can't be bothered. LOL. Well, we pick up right where we left off. I'm sorry for all of the people I made cry, and those that ask will Liv ever be happy, the answer is yes. In due time she will be. Welcome new followers; don't forget to leave a review, I love to read them. Thanks. Enjoy!
The stench of death followed them home that night, weighing heavily on their psych. The atmosphere was gloomy and despondent. Like robots they mechanically moved around their bedroom taking off pieces of clothing only to replace it with another piece, a much more comfortable piece since they were heading to bed. They looked at each other but neither knew what to tell the other. What words could they say that was comforting enough to take away the pain of losing a dear friend? They didn't know so they remained silent.
As their bodies moved onto the soft bed they immediately gravitated towards each other, clinging for comfort and peace. Olivia lay in the arms of her husband with her head on his chest, his strong and warm arms enclosed around her.
Fitz looked down at his wife, his arms unconsciously squeezing her tighter in hopes to relieve the pain. Will it end? When will she get her happy ending? He questioned. Several moments passed them like this, wordlessly consoling each other. His mind suddenly longed for happier times, happier moments and lighter days.
Flashback
Fitz watched as Olivia was having the time of her life. The infectious joy and happiness on her face was enough to make him completely happy. As they made their way from slot machine to slot machine he marveled at the innocent girlish grin she wore as she fiddled with them. He'd never seen her so happy and carefree; and with everything within, he hoped to keep her that happy. She was exuberantly glowing.
He was standing off to the side as she deposited her money one by one into the machine. He watched as she pressed the prerequisite buttons before placing her small hand onto the lever.
His eyes glued to the side of her face, watching as she ran her tongue across her upper lip. A nervous habit he'd come to know she did. She looked over at him with a sly grin and said, "watch me win." Instead of returning her words with words Fitz arched an eyebrow curiously at her. His eyes continued to watch her like a hawk as she pulled down the lever on the slot machine. He could tell that she was mumbling underneath her breath, probably something that would guarantee her win. And when she got the lever all the way to the bottom and released it a sound of victory erupted.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Babe, I won!" Olivia jumped up and down as the display on the LCD screen of the slot machined spelled, "WINNER."
Fitz smiled brightly and even laughed when she began her victory dance, if it weren't for the victory sound sounding in the background her dance alone would've held the attention of the curious patrons surrounding them.
"You won!" Fitz conceded, moving closer to give her a hug, in which she obliged him – squeezing her smooth arms tightly around his midsection. After a few long seconds they pulled away from the hug when a Casino worker came over to assist them with their winnings.
"How much did she win?" Fitz asked the tall man.
He looked at the machine before he said, "four hundred and seventy dollars."
Olivia let out a low squeal as excitement overtook her once again.
"Wow! And I only lost forty bucks," she commented, reflecting on the other two slot machines that she wasn't lucky on.
The attendant smiled at her and proceeded to assist with the coins that sprouted out of the machine.
Hand in hand they enjoyed Sin City. The weather was hot and the place hustled and bustled with people from all walks of lives; however, they all had one thing in common, happiness.
Early afternoon, after lunch they saw an advertisement for a sunset hot air balloon ride and Fitz immediately suggested that they should go.
"Fitz, nope. I'm not going to do that," Olivia chickened out.
"Come on, baby, it'll be fine. I promise," He pleaded. "I've been on one before and it was an amazing experience. Let's do it. You're 26 now, time to put on your big girl panties." He said, laughing.
"I thought you liked me with no panties on," she retorted and he almost choked.
"Well…" he began and she gave him a look that said, 'whatever you're about to say don't say it.'
"How safe are these things, anyways?" Olivia asked, shuffling nervously from one wedged foot to the next.
"I'll say a 9 out of 10."
With a perfectly shaped eyebrow arched at him, she asked, "Are you making up stats?"
"Technically no… However -"
"Don't…" She cut him off, smiling. Lifting her phone to her lips, she pressed the lone button on it and spoke, "Siri, how safe are hot air balloons?"
Fitz shook his head good-natured as Siri rambled off facts that she'd gotten from the Internet. Her findings weren't fully horrendous nor was it 100% comforting.
"It's not that bad," he said when the computer voice had finished talking.
"Mmm. I guess not," she acquiesced. In the past twenty years they were only two horrendously fatal accidents, and where it should've worried her she actually felt a little ease at the prospect of riding in a hot air balloon because of the low numbers.
Fitz preying on the little courage she exemplified called the number on the billboard and requested two spots for the hot air balloon tour before she could change her mind.
Two hours later they were required to be at a certain location for the hot air balloon tour and they made sure they were on time. The instructors give them a crash course of what they can expect on the ride. Ten or so others surrounded the couple as they listened to their hot air balloon operators.
Olivia clung onto Fitz' hand as they made their way inside of the spacious wicket basket. She was clearly nervous by the death grip she had on him.
"It's ok, Livvie," he whispered for only her to hear and he felt her relaxing a little bit from the calming sensation of his voice.
She let out a nervous chuckle and burrowed herself deeper into his side. There were lucky to have the hot air balloon to themselves aside from the operator.
"Look up," Fitz urged and her eyes followed his vision, taking in the bright orange and yellow color of the nylon balloon with the hot air blowing into it. From the look on her face he could tell that she was mesmerized.
"Time to lift this baby up," their operator interrupted their reverie a minute later and they both cast their glances onto him.
The lift off was a little shaky and Olivia's tight grip returned as they got farther and farther off the ground.
"This is a bad idea, Fitz. Why did I let you talk me into this?" she was halfway into hysterics.
"Relax, baby, relax…" He said above the noise. "You're strong and courageous, you can do this." His blue eyes pierced her brown chocolate orbs and it was then he saw the tension left her body. She was finally able to relax and enjoy the ride. She rewarded him with her sweet, shy smile that was mostly reserved for him; and he almost turned into a puddle of mush right on the spot. He was gone and there was no turning back.
As they floated in the sky, enjoying the feel of peace and tranquility they experienced unobstructed 360-degree views of Las Vegas and the gorgeous surrounding landscape.
The balloon flight began in the southwest valley, with scenic views of Las Vegas' residential areas, the renowned Las Vegas Strip to the east and the majestic Red Rock Mountains and Red Rock Canyon to the west. As they drifted peacefully in the aerial platform, the euphoria is beyond imagination and they developed an appreciation for 'Walking with the Winds'!
Now, Fitz was standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist securely. They were in their own world as they observed the beauty from above. It was nothing like they'd ever experienced before.
"This is magical," Olivia spoke in awe, observing the kaleidoscope of colors that painted the sky.
"It is," Fitz agreed.
"Feels like I'm in a fairytale where everyone gets to be happy and there's no pain and sadness."
His hands hugged her even tighter and he hummed his agreement.
They remained quiet taking in the scenery, happy that their balloon operator wasn't too keen on speaking to them. He leave them be.
For most of their ride they enjoyed it in silence with only their bodies touching, a silent communication spoken between them. As the Red Rock Canyon came into viewing Fitz saw his future flash before his eyes, in clear vivid colors. He didn't know why that was, but he felt like he was at a crossroad in life, a moment that was pivotal for his future that if he didn't make a move now, he would miss out on the most important life experience. Instead of focusing on his surrounding his eyes glued onto the woman, who 9 months ago agreed to go on a date with him. Never had he thought he would find love in all its purity and grandeur. After all he was underserving… to be gifted such treasure. But, here he was, head over heels in love with the most beautiful woman he'd laid eyes on. And no, he wasn't only referring to her physical beauty. With a heart of gold in her chest she was by far the loveliest.
Moving solely on overpowering love and emotions Fitz gently turned Olivia around in his arms so that she could see the depth of his love in the cerulean blue pools of his eyes.
"I love you," he whispered quietly, meaning everything and more than the three-worded sentence can covey.
"I love you too," she returned lightly, clearly overwhelmed by his presence.
Fitz nodded his head and smiled faintly. He'd never felt such consuming emotions in his entire life. He felt so full of love that any second he would burst wide open if he contained it any longer. He needed to let her know how he truly felt.
"You make me so… happy. I thought my lot in life is to be lonely for the rest of my days, a penance for my earlier days. I don't deserve you, Livvie. Deep down I believe that I don't, but I love you… God! I love you so… much and I can't imagine doing life without you. You've become such a vital part of me. I want to wake up with you in my arms and go to sleep with you by my side. I never want you to leave me, not now, not tomorrow, and not ever… I want you forever." He stopped and took a deep breath to control the widespread of emotions that were coursing through his body.
Olivia stared at her man with newfound awe, love and respect. He left her speechless at his declaration of how deep his love was for. Her heart was glad and it was filled to the brim.
Fitz exhaled deeply and began lowering himself onto his left knee. He was still holding onto her hands as he adjusted himself on his knees. He disregarded her wide eyes. Never in his life had he been surer of a decision.
"What I'm trying to say, Livvie, is… I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife. I want the two of us to grow old with each other. I want to be yours and you to be mine. Sharing life's ups and downs with each other. Sticking through the good times and bad. I want it all with you, Olivia Carolyn Pope. I don't have a ring because I wasn't planning to do this. But my love for you overwhelms me, so, here I am, on my knees, asking you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"
He looked up into her face, his heart on his sleeves, waiting for her answer. Will she say yes to forever or no? His heart pounding wildly in his chest as he regarded her intently, the tears trickling down her cheeks and when she began nodding her head yes, he felt tears lodging in his throat, it was becoming increasingly harder for him to keep it at bay.
"Yes, Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III, I will marry you. I will marry you in a heartbeat," she cried, happily.
And when she spoke he couldn't help but release a few tears of his own as he clung to her body. In the air, several feet above the ground, with nothing but his heart to offer he laid it all out for her and she accepted it. They were so elated and wrapped in a blanket of happiness that they barely heard the operator's, "congratulations."
End of Flashback
"Fitz, did you hear what I said?"
"Huh?" Fitz was let out of his thoughts, thinking back to that day made some of the present heaviness feel lighter. "I'm sorry, Livvie, what did you say?"
He heard her sigh exasperatedly and she mumbled something unclearly underneath her breath, clearly annoyed that he spaced out on her.
Huffing again, she said point blankly, "I want a baby. I think we should make a baby together."
Fitz felt like someone had knocked the wind out of his chest. Huh? A baby? Of course they had plans to one day procreate but today wasn't that day. He knew she was probably feeling a mirage of emotions at the passing of her friend but for sure she wasn't thinking right.
"Livvie…" Fitz began and Liv interrupted him.
"No, Fitz. Don't tell me this is not what I want, I want a baby." She was resolute in her decision.
"Why now? Why all of a sudden?" He queried.
She huffed again and pushed away from him, rolling to the edge of the bed.
Fitz was confused by what was going on and her sudden request for them to make a child.
"I just want a baby," she returned, her tone was in between light and heavy.
"And what about your job? You're almost finish with the fire academy do you think it's a good time to have a child?"
"I don't care. I want a baby," she reaffirmed.
Fitz sighed and ran his hand through his wavy curls and shook his head. "I need more than that babe. I know you're emotional right now as you should be…" Fitz trailed cautiously.
"I'm not emotional, Fitz, I want us to make a child together. Is that too much to ask of my husband?" She snarled.
Fitz scooted closer to her and she scooted back. They played this cat and mouse game until she sat up on the bed with no more room to move to.
Knowing that his touch would be more effectual than his words Fitz sat up and wrap his arm around her waist, never minding her futile refusals.
"Don't…" her defenses were already breaking from the warm contact he provided.
"I'm here," he said, instead of saying the cliché 'it's going to be ok.' He was there for her through the bad times and the good, just like he'd promised her when he asked her to be his wife.
With those two simple words he broke down her walls and she began sobbing uncontrollably all over again. Fitz spent the better part of the night consoling his heartbroken wife. When would enough be enough?
Two days later, Olivia was still feeling like a zombie. She couldn't believe that Abby was really gone it was truly unbelievable. How can someone be here today and gone tomorrow? It made no sense whatsoever. It was sad and cruel. And the more Olivia thought about all of the unfulfilled dreams and goals her friend had, made her extremely angry and frustrated with life. When she was sitting in the hallway of the hospital and was watching as her friend's lifeless body was being wheeled down to the morgue, Olivia made up her mind that she was going to seize every opportunity. She was going to give life her all. She was going to live fully and love deeply. She was going to take everything life had to offer before it was too late. She was no longer playing it safe. She wanted her happily every after before life played a sickening joke and snuffed out her lights. She wanted a baby. As she emptied out the last of the pills she should be taking to prevent what she so much desired, she smiled somberly into the trashcan. Her hasty action should cause her to take pause but it didn't, this was what she wanted and she was determined to make Fitz see her way.
Funeral Day
Things were all good yesterday
And then the devil took your memory
And if you fell to your death today
I hope that heaven is your resting place
I heard the doctors put your chest in pain
But then that could have been the medicine
There you are lying in the bed again
Either way I'll cry with the rest of them
Servicemen and women from firehouse 51 and other firehouses dressed completely in their service uniforms, standing neatly into one line in front of the fire station with their hands to their heads in salutation, as their fallen soldier lay deceased inside of the black hearse.
My father told me, son
It's not his fault he doesn't know your face
You're not the only one
Although my Grandma used to say
That he used to sing
The men and women of firehouse 51 particularly Stephen was having a hard time keeping up a professional stance. The weight of the loss weighed heavier on them as Abby's lifeless body is driven for the last time. She was no more…
Darlin' hold me in your arms
The way you did last night
And we'll lie inside
For a little while here oh
Things were all good yesterday
Then the devil took your breath away
Now we're left here in the pain
Black suit black tie standing in the rain
And now my family is one again
Stapled together with the strangers and a friend
Came to my mind I should paint it with a pen
6 years old I remember when
At the burial ground when the final words were spoken about the life of the young and vibrant woman, one by one they went up to her coffin to pay final respect. Olivia was a ball of emotions as she laid her right hand on top of the coffin; this was it… This was the last time she would ever be physically in the same space as Abby. All of their times spent with each other, the good and bad flashed across her mind. She would be missed, truly, and dearly missed…
I could look into your eyes
Until the sun comes up
And we're wrapped In light and life and love
Put your open lips on mine
And slowly let them shut
For they're designed to be together oh
With your body next to mine
Our hearts will beat as one
And we're set alight
We're afire love
If it wasn't to save face Stephen would be sprawled atop her coffin begging to be buried with her. He was devastated, utterly and completed devastated. Karma had repaid him tenfold for his wicked deeds. His heart bled as he took another breath to stay alive. He was a dead man walking. The love of his life was snatched permanently out of his life and there was nothing he could do about it. He'd lost the battle and the war. He was a man wallowing in the deepest of sorrows. He rubbed the smooth mahogany of her coffin as if it was her skin. The alabaster skin he would never touch again. It was all too much, so he abruptly dropped his hand and quickly walked away. Instead of waiting for the funeral to end he rushed out of the cemetery. It was too much. Simply, too much…
To the love, the love, the love, the love
Rise from the seats to sing Hallelujah
And my mother and all of my family
Rise from their seats to say hallelujah
And my brother and all of my family
Rise from the seats to sing hallelujah
My father and all of my family
Rise from the seats to sing
Hallelujah
When they had gotten home after the funeral Fitz wasn't in the mood when Olivia began kissing on him but he obliged her knowing that this was the way she chose to cope with the loss of her friend. Instead of talking about her feelings she rather they satisfy each other physically. For the passed week it had been like this. They would have non-stop sex and then she would cry in his arms afterwards, over and over again... But, sooner or later they had to talk because they couldn't keep going on like this, even if she insisted that she didn't want to talk. Lying in postcoital bliss he held her as she cried, again…
His mind was reeling from the day's activities, wondering about his friend's (Stephen's) wellbeing while also taken up with his wife's. He was stretched thin in all directions, trying to be all things and everywhere for everyone.
Listening to her dissolving sobs he sighed deeply.
"Are you ok?" He asked into her soft curls that were splayed on top the pillow next to his.
She somberly nodded her head yes.
"Do you need anything?" He asked, searching her eyes.
"Some water," she croaked. He gingerly slid his legs from underneath the covers and pulled on his discarded boxer briefs before heading down to the kitchen. With each step that he took he felt heavier and consumed with grief. Abby might not have been as close to him as she was with Olivia or Stephen, but her death has scared him. He wanted to ensure that he was doing things in order and in the right way. So when Olivia had said she wanted them to have a baby a little over a week ago it scared him. He felt like they were rushing and not ready for that step in their life. He breathed a sigh of relief that ever since that day she hadn't spoken another word about it. And being truthful with himself, he wasn't ready to be a father. He still believed that he had much growing to do first.
He returned upstairs with a large glass of iced water. When he got inside of the room he saw Olivia with her back braced against the backboard of their bed. She had found one of his T-shirts and was now wearing it. Her eyes looked swollen and her normally controlled curls were all over her head and face, she couldn't be bothered.
He stretched his hand out with the cold glass of water and she collected it from him.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," he returned before plopping down next to her.
He watched as she drank the cold water before settling the empty glass on the nightstand on her side of the bed.
They sat in silence for quite a while until she spoke.
"I'm tired of losing the people I love. It's time I receive life instead of having it taken away from me. That's why I want us to have a baby." Her voice was quiet and croaky.
Spoke to soon, he thought. They were right back to the baby talks. He understand where she was coming from but to him that still wasn't enough a reason for them to bring a child into the world when they clearly weren't ready.
"But we're not ready," he voiced part of his thoughts out loud.
"When will we ever be ready?" She challenged.
In a calm and even voice, he replied, "That's besides the point. Let's take a second and step back. So much has happened to us in so little time, we need time to heal before we bring another human being into the world."
"I disagree," Olivia told him straightforwardly. Little did he know that in her mind she saw that having a child with him would somehow fill the holes, gaps and crevices left by pain. She wanted that wholeness and having life given to her would fill it. That's what she truly believed.
Fitz regarded her with a curious but weary look. "I'm not ready," he told her honestly.
He watched as she closed her eyes and one lone tear began rolling down her left cheek. He was going to reach out to her when she halted his movements with her hand in the air. "Don't…."she stopped him, with her eyes still closed.
"Liv, I'm sorry… I'm not there yet…"
She said nothing for a long time and neither did he. Eventually, she dry chuckled and shook her head, saying, " I threw out my birth control pills. I stopped taking them."
Shocked by this Fitz' facial expression showed that he was.
"I thought I could change your mind. And –"
Interrupting her as the full weight of what she did dawned on him, he said, "Why would you do something like that without consulting me? You can't decide on having a baby without me, Olivia."
She didn't say anything, her eyes downcast in shame.
"When did you stop taking them?" Fitz asked, running his hand through his hair, feeling completely and utterly frustrated.
"Two days after Abby…" she choked, trailing the final part of the sentence.
"Wow. So all this time you were jumping me at every chance was in hopes to get pregnant? Is this what all this sex was for? Here I was thinking that you needed some physical connection to help deal with the emotional pain, but you had ulterior motives to get pregnant. Who does that, Olivia? That's betrayal!"
"You don't understand!" she cried. "I may've went about it the wrong way, but when you've had so much taken from you, you can't help but want a replacement. I don't want to waste time on this, Fitz. We only have one life to live. What if I died tomorrow or you? Then what? I want to have children, now, I don't want to wait 5 more years for that."
Before Fitz could've replied to her his cellphone began ringing. He look down at the screen and saw that it was Stephen calling. Immediately he answered the phone.
"Help me," Stephen cried into the phone.
"Stephen, is everything ok? What's going on?" Fitz stood to his feet and strolled to his closet to put on some clothes.
"No, everything is not ok. I need you, mate. I need you," he sobbed louder.
"I'm coming…" Fitz said, ending the call. He exhaled deeply as he looked up and saw Olivia still crying. He was torn between his friend and his wife.
A/N: I'm so sad that I killed Abby off. Damn… that was heartless of me. Writing the funeral scene had me in tears, tbh. HA! The song lyrics for that part was Afire by Ed Sheeran, love his music.
Is Liv wrong for what she did even though she's under strong emotional influence? Deciding to have a kid is a pretty big deal, so expect some drama between our fave couple regarding that. Are Fitz' points valid? They need time to heal and whatnots? Let me know.
Also, hope you enjoyed the flashback to the proposal. Granted, Las Vegas only does a sunrise hot air balloon tour. However, to fit in with my story I wrote that they do sunsets. LOL.
You'll get the wedding part another time.
Hope you enjoy this story and I'll be sure to update whenever I can. Don't forge to your review.
Until next time,
XOXO
PS: Checkout my new one shot, Crazy In love.
*excuse the errors, was sorta in a rush*
