Picked up from where we left off. Enjoy!
Fitz arrived at Stephen's house in record time. On his way over to his friend's his anger grew hotter at the revelation Olivia had given him. How could she stop taking birth control without telling him? How could she allow them to have unprotected sex for over a week? He was pissed, frustrated and hurt by her actions, so much so that the decision to go check on his friend seemed more appealing than to stay at home comforting her. Putting his truck into park he shook his head to rid of the upsetting thoughts. His friend needed him and he needed to be there for him.
Locking the door to his truck Fitz walked into the apartment building and entered the elevator and head up to the 6th floor. Exiting the elevator after it had arrived on the right floor, he made his way down to the apartment at the end of the hallway. Knocking gently on the door for a few seconds he received no response. So he started to call out, "Stephen, Stephen, it's me. Fitz. Open up, buddy." He kept at it for a few minutes but didn't hear anything. Fitz tried turning the doorknob but it was locked, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Stephen's number but got no answer. His worry was growing increasingly at the thought of his friend alone in his apartment doing God knows what. And the state he'd last spoken to him in didn't help assuage his apprehensions.
"Oh God, Oh God," Fitz began, pacing a circle in front of the door with a hand on his forehead. He stopped mid pacing and began banging on his friend's door like a madman.
"What the fuck, man?" A tall, blonde guy from the apartment across from Stephen's yelled from the open door.
"I'm sorry," Fitz began, realizing that he's probably acting crazy banging on someone's door at such a late hour in the day, disrupting the peace. "I need to get to my friend. " He explained weakly.
The man's eyes softened a bit at him. "The Super is on the 4th floor at apartment 207 you should go see if he can let you in."
Fitz nodded and muttered thanks before heading down the elevator to the fourth floor. A sinking feeling in his stomach held him hostage. He silently prayed that his friend would be all right. He couldn't handle it any other way. Fitz arrived at the building superintendent's apartment and knocked. On the second knock the door swung wide open to reveal the figure of a tall, slender, black man with graying hair.
"Sorry to bother you sir," Fitz immediately began. "I need to get into apartment 382 as I have concern that my friend is not ok."
The man immediately cast him a confused look. "Why do you think so?" His rich, deep voice asked, displaying a hint of care and concern.
Something inside of Fitz told him to be truthful with the man, so he did. "His fiancée recently passed away and he's not taking it well. I received a call from him 30 minutes ago asking me to come over and now that I did he's not answering the door or my calls."
By the time Fitz had finished speaking he hadn't realized that the older man had retrieved the bunch of keys hanging from the loop of his khakis pants.
"What's his name?" He asked Fitz, giving him his undivided attention.
"Stephen Finch," Fitz stated.
"Let's go," the superintendent said, moving out of his apartment and locking his door behind. Fitz quickly stepped back from the door when he did and followed him as he made his way to the flight of stairs a few feet away. Both men walked like they were on a mission.
As they were walking up to Stephen's door, the older man finally said, "I'm sorry to hear about his loss. I know how devastating that his." Fitz nodded in response, noting the sad look in his eyes. He had experienced loss too, he thought.
They moved to the front of the door and the older man gave it a quick knock, "Mr. Finch, this is Gary, open up," he called but received no response. After his finding he quickly stuck the singled out key into the lock, effectively unlocking it.
Upon entering the apartment door both men gasped at the sight of the upturned living room. There were broken glasses everywhere. Pictures that held precious memories once hung on the wall, tossed carelessly onto the floor, 60-inch television sitting with a gaping hole in the middle of the LCD screen along with the ripped leather couch in the room. Once a put together, modern chic bachelor pad looked completely forlorn lying in ruins.
"Stephen," Fitz called aloud, his feet moved to the kitchen only to see broken dishes on the floor, piled into a heap; he carefully navigated the sharply edged glasses as he rerouted his steps to the master bedroom. The bedroom was the only place that looked normal; aside from the unmade bed it was completely tidy.
"Stephen," he continued to call out, searching frantically, while hearing Gary do the same from the other bedroom down the hall. Not seeing any trace of his friend in his bedroom Fitz moved to the en-suite bathroom where his feet came into contact with more broken glasses. But then his body stopped when he looked up to see his friend lying in a waterless bathtub with his limbs hanging over the edges while one propped up his head. He was unmoving. Fitz could feel the panic rising inside of him. His feet took him slowly across the room, the closer he got he saw empty and broken bottles of scotch, vodka, tequila, beer… you name it.
"Stephen," he called frantically, immediately bending over his friend to check his pulse. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he felt his slow steady beat. He probably passed out, he concluded in his head.
"You found him?" the older man entered the room asking, worry marring his gracefully aged face, setting lines in his deep mocha skin.
"I got him. He's passed out," Fitz relayed.
Gary let out a long sigh and exclaimed, "thank you Jesus!"
Fitz smiled at that and couldn't help but feel the same sentiment as the man.
Together he and Gary removed Stephen's body from the bathtub and took him to his bed.
Meanwhile back at the apartment Olivia was losing her mind. Her mourning quickly morphed into worry. Fitz had left their house without saying one word to her. She had pushed him too far, she thought. She got up from their bed, got dressed and began pacing around the room while wringing her hands together. What was she thinking? She asked herself. Oh God! Please don't let him walk away from me. I can't handle it if he does. She pleaded silently while beginning to cry.
Same time her phone began ringing and she answered it without looking at the screen, thinking that it was Fitz. She was ready to beg him to come home to her, but it wasn't Fitz.
"Liv," Tina's warm voice greeted.
She was disappointed when she recognized that the voice didn't belong to her husband. He left me, she thought sadly. And it was enough to push her over into full-blown tears. She was sobbing so loudly on the phone that it startled Tina.
"What's wrong?" Her friend asked.
"Everything," Olivia cried. "Fitz left me, I ruined my marriage," she sobbed, her body racking violently.
"Liv, calm down. Take deep breaths, sweetie. I'm coming over. Breathe for me," Tina coached from the other end of the call.
Olivia barely registered what she said; her mind fully consumed with the thought that her rock had left her without a word and it was all her fault. She pushed him… she pushed him too far.
Approximately twenty minutes later she heard the doorbell ring. At first she was excited but quickly frowned realizing that the doorbell had rang, Fitz would never ring his own doorbell, she concluded. Sighing, she dragged her feet down the stairs to the front door.
Opening the door, she smiled tightly at the sight of Tina dressed in a simple pair of blue jeans, black winter boots and a simple pink North Face jacket. But, she wasn't alone. On her hip was whom she knew, Michael, her son. He was leaning his head completely on her shoulder, sound asleep. At the sight of that Olivia quickly moved away from the door and softened at the somewhat unwanted visitation.
"Hey," Tina greeted. "I hope you don't mind that I brought him with me."
"No, that's fine." Olivia quickly stated. "You can carry him in there," Olivia pointed to the dayroom that they'd converted the former study into. It was a small room that was once an office but she made it into a reading room equipped with a daybed, which was basically a bed converted to look like a giant couch. Thanks to Fitz' carpenter skills they were able to do the project themselves, following the DIY (do it yourself) instructions on Pinterest.
Olivia turned on the light to the room and watched from afar as mother lay her son down onto the comfy bed. She watched as Tina hesitated to use the plush throw lying across the backrest and she nodded her head in consent when their eyes met. Olivia switched her attention from mother and looked upon the young boy who was clearly loved by his mother. She admired his low wavy black hair, contrasting against his skin – a soft shade of chestnut brown. He snuggled contentedly into the blanket and continued to sleep uninterrupted. Her heart further constricted in her chest when she saw Tina bent down and kissed his forehead; she wanted that… She wanted evidence of her and Fitz' love in a child. Her heart grew heavy with jealousy and sadness. How could you ever get that when you pushed your husband away? Her subconscious said. At the thought Olivia looked away and walked out of the room, only to have Tina follow her.
"What's going on?" Tina asked in a concerned tone.
Olivia shook her head and moved to the living room where she plopped down unceremoniously onto the couch. She shrugged her shoulders and began tugging at one end of her long sleeved T-shirt. She looked down at the simple gold wedding band housing on her ring finger and began playing with it with the thumb on her same hand.
Tina waited and said nothing further.
Several minutes passed like this until Olivia finally took a deep breath and said, "I screwed up. I… I…" she stuttered. "I stopped taking my birth control without telling Fitz." The minute she said that the depravity of what she did slammed her. "What kind of person does that?" She sobbed, realizing that she was no different than the women who purposely trapped men by getting pregnant.
Tina would be lying if she said that she wasn't confused.
"Why would you do that?" she asked, no judgment in her tone.
Olivia covered her face with both hands and took a deep breath. Why did I do that?
"I wan to feel whole, I want to feel joy and I believe that maybe a baby would glue us together. Seal the gaps left by pain and loss…" she sniffed.
Tina smiled empathetically at her. She knew all too well how she was feeling.
"And Fitz doesn't want a baby?"
Olivia choked, "no," while shaking her head. "He said he's not ready and I get it. But… I..." she broke into new sobs. Tina moved over to her and took her into her arms. Olivia held onto her friend and cried. She cried for what felt like hours until she finally let up.
"My life has always been complicated. Orphaned at the age of 10, moved in with a grandmother who despised me and made my life a living hell for years, finally thought my life was going great when I started dating Fitz, only to be sexually assaulted at work," she shivered at the memory. "Now, one of my closest friends is dead. I'm a little pissed and confused right now. I feel so many emotions and it just overwhelms me." Olivia tried to explain, now sitting at one end of the couch while Tina sat at the other end.
"I just want something normal for once to happen to me. Something happy and normal," she specified.
Tina gave her a pained smile before she said, "look around you, Liv. Not this room, but around you as a person. All of the things you've mentioned that have happened to you made you stronger. I completely understand that you want to feel normal and happy but a baby won't do it. They're little human beings that will go through their own problems and will live a life that isn't perfect. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. As your friend I feel your pain, my hope and wish is for you to move past your pain and heal. Don't rush things or feel like you have to get everything done now, take your time and allow yourself to heal. I've learned that the hard way. Give yourself time to heal. "
Tina took a deep breath before she continued, "when I'd finally left Michael's dad when he was two years old, I had had enough of the beating, I had to give myself time to heal. I'm still healing as a matter of fact, and because I am, I can be a better mother to my son. Give yourself time to heal, Liv," she repeated.
Olivia took in her words as if it was the gospel. She was right, she thought, she was rushing things because she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to experience all of the good things life had to offer. She needed to heal first. With that newfound understanding Olivia was able to converse with Tina on a deeper level. She asked her more in depth questions about her past and marveled at the strength it took her to be where she was today. She too believed that one day her hurts could turn into her strengths.
Still heavily wrapped up in conversation Olivia's mind was finally at ease, that was until she heard the front door opening. Her eyes quickly shot to it and her heart skipped a beat at the sight of her husband walking in with a clearly hangover Stephen. She quickly got to her feet and moved to assist them.
"Is everything ok?" She asked Fitz, who was wearing a deep frown.
"Yes." He clipped, moving Stephen to the single armchair before bending down to remove his winter boots. Stephen was barely alert and was mumbling something incoherent.
Olivia stood to the side and frowned at her husband's lack of warmth and she was embarrassed that he hadn't even acknowledged Tina with a greeting.
She watched as he wordlessly got up and moved to the front door and went out of it. Despite only wearing a long sleeve T-shirt and a pair of plaid pajamas bottom, Olivia braced the cold weather and followed after him. By the time she'd gotten on the front porch he was already walking up the stairs with an overnight bag in hand.
"Everything ok?" She asked again, her arms wrapped tightly around her midsection.
"Everything is fine." He said with faux enthusiasm. "I'm glad that I know where your priority lies. I've been calling you for the past hour and you couldn't answer my call but here you are keeping company." He looked her dead in the eye and watched at the surprise expression on her face.
"Shit." She muttered. "My phone is upstairs I didn't hear it."
"Whatever, Olivia." He was tired.
Olivia frowned at his disposition. He said nothing else to her and moved to the front door where he reentered the house.
She followed suit and was surprised that Tina had grabbed her son and was getting ready to leave.
"Leaving already?" Olivia asked, trying to be the good hostess.
"Yea, it's already late and Mikey needs to be at school tomorrow. We'll talk another time," Tina said, glancing between Olivia and her husband who was busily attending to his friend.
Olivia nodded in understanding and followed her to the door. Once there, she said, "I'm sorry about…" she trailed, referring to her husband's behavior.
"It's ok," Tina quickly said.
"He's not normally like this."
"No need to explain. Just remember what I said, Liv. Take time to heal. Don't rush it."
Olivia gave her a smile and hugged her in a quick hug. "I appreciate you coming over to check on me, Tina, with your son, too," she smiled sincerely for the first time in days, rubbing her hand on the boy's back.
"That's what friends are for." Tina reminded and Olivia nodded again. She watched from the porch as Tina opened the backseat of the car to first buckle in her son before moving to the driver's seat, where she gave a final wave before closing the door and pulling out the driveway.
Fitz felt like he was a bomb minutes away from exploding. He was ticking, tick tock – at the very end of his wits. After he'd gotten Stephen down in the guest room and had supplied him with a generous amount of Gatorade, water and aspirin left on the bedside table to cure his hangover, he moved to the master bedroom.
Every emotion he was feeling threatened to take over him. He felt taken for granted, angry, tired, hurt, sad and frustrated all in one. He needed a break and fast, because if he didn't get one he felt like he was going to go crazy.
The minute Olivia crossed the threshold of their bedroom, he snapped, all of his pent up frustrations was released and she was the unlucky recipient.
"How could you do something so selfish, Olivia? That was selfish and wrong! You think I want to bring my child into this world where they have two fucked up parents? Absolutely not! That's a new low from you! I feel like you take my kindness for weakness. You can't walk over me! I refuse to lie down and allow you to walk over me! Who give you the right to take away my choice? I have a saying in this matter and you're clearly not thinking straight! God!" Fitz pinched the bridge of his nose. He was so succumbed with blinding rage that he barely registered her shock expression as he'd caught her off guard. Nevertheless, he continued.
"You're not the only one who has been through shit. I've had a hard life but you don't see me whining about it at every turn or making rash fucking decisions. Life is a bitch, get over it! We all have to." He shook his head. "I don't know if I can trust you again. You blindsided me, Olivia. This is not wanting to paint our room blue and you went behind my back and painted it red. This is life changing. I'm just so fucking tired." He ran his hand through his hair.
"What are we supposed to do if you're pregnant?" He chuckled humorless. "Right, nothing, because that is what you want."
With each word that he spoke stabbed at Olivia's heart. If she hadn't had a heart to heart talk with Tina earlier, who pointed out that what she was doing was the wrong way, she now know that it was. The anger in his voice and the redness in his face was enough to reduce her to tears. She had no words to say to his accusations. She felt ashamed of herself and it left her speechless, taking in everything he said.
"I just need a break too, do you ever realize that maybe I need a break too? I try holding everything together but sometimes I get tired and need a break. Right now, I'm just trying to hold it together for everyone and you selfishly added to that pile of stress and worry I have. Thanks a lot." He finally said, before walking to their bathroom and closing the door shut.
Olivia stood in the middle of their bedroom devastated, clutching onto her stomach as she cried. She somberly thought; if she happened to be pregnant now, she knew that Fitz won't be on board and the thought made her sadder. What had she done?
Two Days Later
They lived in the same house and shared the same bed but things had drastically changed between them. Fitz was closed off and cold towards her while she walked on eggshells, a ball of anxiety around him. With each passing day she dreaded the thought of being pregnant. Now wasn't the right time and she knew it. Stephen was staying with them and Fitz looked relieved that he was there because he spent most of his time with his friend. Whether it was watching old reruns of his favorite movies or watching TV shows on Netflix, they were inseparable. The sight both made her heart glad and sad at the same time. Her husband wanted nothing to do with her and it hurt.
Later that evening when he'd finally separate from Stephen and had retired to bed, Olivia addressed him, "Fitz…"
He said nothing.
"I'm sorry."
He still said nothing.
"It was wrong of me to go behind your back and do something that could be life changing. I wasn't in a good place and I thought that maybe… us having a baby would help heal my wounds… I now know that that don't really make sense but at the time I thought it did. I'm really sorry that I put our relationship under so much strain, the last thing I need, that we need," she gestured between them. "Is to be on the opposite side. You're my rock and I love you."
Silence ensued after she spoke – her heart beating in her throat as she waited.
"Am I not enough?" Fitz asked.
"What?..." She was confused.
"Don't I make you happy? Sometimes you behave like I don't make you happy. I'm your husband, Olivia, we promise to love and be there for each other through good times and bad, sickness and health… But you want more. More than I am ready to give right now. So…I'm asking, am I enough?"
Olivia now understood what he was saying. He wanted to know if he no longer completes her in the way that he once did and that was her hidden reason for wanting to procreate. But, it wasn't the truth. To her he came first and foremost and she needed him in her life more than anyone else. So, yes, he was enough.
"Yes you are," she replied simply.
He nodded and continued staring at the white ceiling above. She watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath that he took, a rhythmic action.
In a trembling voice, she asked, "What will we do if I'm pregnant?"
One Week Later
Olivia hung over the toilet violently throwing up inside of it. She woke up that morning feeling like hell. A sharp pain slicing across her lower right abdomen, with the pain came violent vomiting, which only made matters worst. She was supposed to be heading to school but obviously she couldn't make it as the pain rendered her weak. The sad part was that she couldn't call on Fitz because he was back at work.
Things had improved between them somewhat and they were able to return to some of the closeness they once shared but she knew deep down that it wasn't the same. A trust was broken and it had yet to be fully repaired. After the retching had ceased she looked down at her belly that appeared to be a little swollen, she wasn't due for her period so she crossed that out and immediately began to worry. The pain hadn't let up and eventually started growing worse. With the little strength she had remaining she called out for Stephen. He was still staying at their house, he wasn't doing too badly, thanks to Olivia and Fitz' company that helped him with his depression. Because of his close relationship with Abby he was given a lengthy bereavement time.
A minute later she heard his steps coming from down the hall.
"Liv," he called hesitantly from the bedroom door.
"I need your help," she said weakly.
Seconds later she saw his frame entering the bathroom.
"What's wrong?" He immediately panicked, seeing her hugging the white porcelain throne.
"I'm not feeling good, my belly hurts, really badly." She stated.
Stephen immediately got down on her level and was startled when she began retching violently again.
They were going to the hospital.
Fitz had only been at work for two hours when Stephen called him to tell him that Liv was having stomach pains and was vomiting and that he was taking her to the hospital. He felt bad for asking chief for an emergency leave of absence, but he had to go see what was wrong with his wife. Chief Beene put up a fight at first but relented with well wishes for her to feel better.
On the way over thoughts of her possibly being pregnant and losing their baby plagued his mind. What if that was the case? Was he ready to lose a child that he didn't wanted? The internal questions made him feel panicky. Of course he wouldn't want to lose the baby if she was indeed pregnant, he wasn't that cold. Although he wasn't ready he would accept their child with open arms because he loved her and would love their child just the same. But, it could be something worse, life threatening, his conscience reminded him. What if she's sick? Has cancer or something terminal? Now, he was freaking out. Oh God… please let her be all right.
He tried calling her phone but it rang out so he tried Stephen's and it did the same.
By the time he'd gotten to the hospital and parked he was rushing towards the emergency room. It didn't take long to see his friend pacing in the waiting room.
"Stephen, what's going on?" He rushed out.
Stephen breathed a sigh of relief. He hated being at the same hospital where Abby had her last moments, it was ripping him apart from the inside out, but he had to keep it together. She was gone, no more, never coming back, he reminded himself.
"Stephen!" Fitz shouted when his friend hadn't responded to him.
That shook Stephen out of his sad thoughts and refocused his attention on his friend.
"Her appendix…" he trailed. "They're prepping her for surgery."
"Where is she?" Fitz asked and he pointed down the hall.
Fitz left his friend standing and walked to the nurses' station where he asked about his wife's status and was told that she was already in the operating room. They needed to perform an emergency surgery on her STAT, because her appendix was on the verge of bursting per the ultrasound results and they wanted to avoid her developing peritonitis.
"How long is the surgery going to last?" Fitz asked, apprehension in his voice and demeanor,
"About 1- 2 hours." One of the nurses answered.
"Do I have anything to worry about?"
She gave him a friendly smile, "Sir, your wife is in great hands."
He sure hoped so.
An hour and half later Fitz looked up at the voice of the doctor asking for the party of Olivia Grant.
Fitz immediately stood to his feet and answered, "that's me. I'm her husband."
The short man dressed in blue scrubs nodded his head in acknowledgment.
"Mr. Grant, I'm Dr. Shultz who operated on your wife today. We were successful in removing your wife's appendix without any complications. It was a good thing she came in when she did, because an hour later from when we started the operation could've proven to be more complicated. "
Fitz shivered at the thought. "Do you know why hers got inflamed?"
"We're never fully sure what causes appendicitis without running some tests first. We ran some basic test before the surgery and they came back fine. We were able to rule out certain things. But, we did find stool blocking her appendix hence the flare up."
"Oh ok," Fitz nodded understandingly. "Can I go see her?"
"Of course, she's now waking up from the surgery but she'll be fine. Let's walk this way. I'll need her to rest when she returns home," Dr. Shultz said, leading the way while rattling off after care instructions to Fitz.
Olivia lay groggy in bed. How quickly had my morning changed, she thought to herself. One minute she was preparing to head to school and the next she was clutching her stomach, as the pain rippled through it. She should've known that something was wrong a few days ago when the dull pain started. Nevertheless, she was relieved that it wasn't too serious.
The door to her hospital room opened, revealing the friendly doctor first who had taken good care of her, followed by the tall figure of her husband, worry covering his entire form.
The doctor moved to the side and instructed him to wash his hands first before moving over to her. Fitz walked across the room to the small sink to do what he was told and then moved to her side.
"Hi," he greeted.
"Hi," she returned, giving him a small smile.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better than before," she answered truthfully and Fitz nodded his relief.
"I'll give you two some privacy, I'll be back to check on you in an hour, Olivia." Dr. Shultz smiled.
"Ok, thank you for everything." She returned gratefully.
"Just doing my job," he said lightly before leaving the room.
With just the two of them in the room, Fitz could finally breathe. "You scared me," he said.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't do it again," he whispered, holding her left hand between his palms.
"I won't," she gave him a faint smile. He bent his body down to hers and kissed her forehead tenderly.
Later that night they were lying in bed, both grateful for the other. Because her surgery had gone uncomplicated Olivia was discharged the same day with clear instructions on what to do post appendectomy.
They were both lying on their backs looking through the dim light of their bedroom when they heard loud music began playing.
"Not again," they groaned simultaneously. Stephen was at it again, playing sad love songs for everyone to hear.
"I thought we were pass this," Olivia stated.
"I don't think we will ever be pass it," Fitz returned, with a grim smile. "Heaven forbid anything happen to you I would never be over it. Today I was ready to have a heart attack." Fitz dried chuckled.
Olivia smiled at his words.
Fitz continued, "On my way to the hospital, I had sad thoughts about you possibly being pregnant and losing our baby. In that moment I realized that I wouldn't want that to happen. I know I kind of blew up the other day and I'm sorry for some of the things I said. Even though I was under a lot of pressure I had no right to treat you like my punching bag and I'm sorry for treating you that way. What my ramble is supposed to say is, I love you and I'm never leaving your side. Even if you're pregnant."
"Thanks for saying that, I appreciate it and I accept your apology." Turning her head slightly to look at him, she said, "as of right now you have nothing to worry about. I did a urine test and I'm not pregnant," her voice was low.
Fitz heard the underlying sadness in her voice and he looked at her. "Are you ok with that?"
She stared at him for a while before truthfully answering, "yes and no. On one hand I'm relieved because we're clearly not ready but on the other hand I long for a physical manifestation of our love."
He sighed, "We'll get there, baby. One day we will. In the meantime let us be enough for each other. I love you, Livvie."
She nodded in agreement, envisioning their future child, a perfect mixture of the two of them. The thought made her smile, "I love you too."
Fitz cupped her left cheek and began stroking it with his thumb.
The sad broken singing of Stephen broke their reverie and it was Fitz' turn to sigh. "I should go downstairs before someone calls the cop."
Olivia smiled faintly, "you should."
"One day he'll be ok, too."
"He will…" Olivia agreed.
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this update. It has been a while since I've written anything and for some reason this was the story that my muses were flowing for. A lot happened. Stephen is staying with the Grants (poor baby…), Fitz lost his cool with Olivia, Tina was able to get through to her, Liv had an emergency appendectomy, she's not pregnant (^_-) and in the end, she and her husband were able to come out on top.
Let me know your thoughts on it all.
Until next time,
XOXO
