Chapter 5

Maya's cries only intensified and after a few minutes she was slowly starting to hyperventilate. Carina held her closer but knew that Maya needed to slow her breathing to not end up having a panic attack.

"Maya, it's okay but you need to breathe. Slowly. In... and out. Come on, you can do it, Bambina.", Carina repeated this mantra for a bit but instead of calming down, Maya just became more panicked, and her breathing was way too fast.

Carina let go of her, moved around the bed, sat Maya up and kneeled in front of her. Maya's eyes were unfocused, her entire body was shaking. "Maya, Maya! Can you hear me?", but she didn't respond. She didn't seem to be in the present and couldn't hear what Carina was saying.

This wasn't a regular panic attack. Carina had never seen Maya like this. This was a flashback. She had to get her to snap out of it. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a jar containing an extra hot chili sauce and a spoon. Upon returning to the bedroom Maya still hadn't moved.

"Come on Bambina, you are safe here. It's 2020 and you are with me, Carina. You're not wherever you think you are.", she reassured while putting a spoonful of the hot sauce in her girlfriend's mouth. A couple seconds passed when she saw Maya's eyes refocusing, seemingly confused about the situation.

"What...?", she mumbled.

"It's okay. You had a really bad panic attack. Why don't we go to the kitchen and get you some water?"

Maya nodded and started getting up, swaying a little. Carina put her arm around her waist, stabilising her and guiding her towards the kitchen.

Maya's hands were still shaking slightly when she held the glass of water in a death grip, sacred of slipping away again, trying to ground herself. Carina sat opposite her, eying her cautiously.

"Are you better?", Carina asked gently, but Maya didn't pay attention to her.

"I need to go for a run."

"Maya, no. You shouldn't by yourself right now.", she warned as Maya tired getting up.

She was still dizzy though and Carina quickly steadied her.

"Please Maya. Let's talk about this first.", she said gently.

"I don't know what happened, okay?", Maya snapped.
"Bambina, please listen to me. It's okay. To me it looked like you were having a flashback."

Maya didn't answer. She wouldn't have admitted it, thinking that she was exaggerating and just had to get a grip. But she really hadn't been 'there' at all. Carina's voice had been faint at best like a broken radio.

"You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't feel up to it, but we need to do some grounding techniques."

Maya continued to stare at the floor, seemingly frozen again.

"Come on Maya, tell me what you're feeling."

After a few minutes of silence in which Carina had guided her to the couch, Maya whispered: "I feel... really detached and I'm... I'm scared."

"Okay, let's get you back in the present, okay? Tell me five things you can see."

"Um... what?"

"Just do it, look around. Five things you can see."

"Um, the TV, the curtains..., the carpet, the table and ... the book."

"Good, now four things you can feel."

"The couch, me leaning against the pillows, my feet on the ground, you."

"Three things you can hear."

"Um, a bird, the traffic, your voice."

"Two things you can smell."

"Coffee, and ... your perfume."

"And the last one, one thing you can taste."

"Um... hot sauce"

"Good. Do you feel more present?"

Maya nodded and leaned against Carina.

She hugged her back and after a few seconds she asked gently: "Now what are you scared of Bambina?"

"I... I don't know. I had all these emotions and memories flooding back and I felt just like I did back then. I feel like I went crazy. It was like I was back there."

"You're not crazy, Bella. It's very common, sadly." They just sat there for some time.
"Can we, maybe go for a walk? I feel like I need to get outside."
"Of, course. That's a good idea."