Her legs began to shake as she climbed the hill to her home.

Asuka was a veteran of many battles and many if not most of them were lethal, life-threatening cases. But all of them happened while she was inside the Evangelion. It was the first time in her life that she had to face a knife with her own body as she did just now, and the effect of adrenaline that made her bravely deal with the incident was now beginning to fade. She didn't like this crushing torpor that began to form, and the whole situation itself was annoying beyond imagination.

Her irritation doubled when she climbed halfway up the hill. The house was dark, lights completely out. It never occurred to her that he might have fallen asleep already because he got tired of waiting or something. It wasn't something Shinji would do. He'd rather be out looking for her because he got worried belatedly. And that was exactly why she was irritated.

Asuka arrived to the locked front door, confirming her suspicion. She squatted in front of the door, sighing deeply. The can was so badly crushed it would not stand on the ground, so she left it strewn. She thought about raising her voice to call Shinji, but that was too annoying to even consider. So, in the helplessness of the adrenaline crash, Asuka looked up at the night sky. Countless stars twinkled, beautiful yet cold and indifferent, as if they had no connection to the ugly world they shined.

Only after she started to shiver did Asuka realize that she had sweated, more than she thought. The thin white shirt she wore clung unpleasantly to her body. She recalled the greedy gaze of the man she knocked down a few minutes ago. All because of Shinji. And now she can't even enter her own house. She had no idea where the hell he was, but he'd better come back soon or he'll really have nothing tonight, she thought. And then she realized she was being a bit silly. In the past she was disappointed because Shinji didn't save her. Now she's resenting him because he's running around with that stupid face, trying.

Asuka looked down at the crumpled tin can lying on the ground, and sighed. She thought he was doing pretty good these days, but on a day like this he still felt like the child he used to be. Still clumsy at pretending to be an adult. But then again, is Asuka that different? Isn't it that Asuka who pretended to not need anyone was just replaced by Asuka who pretended to have left that part of her behind? Nothing, at least fundamentally, seemed changed. Asuka was keenly aware that some part of her irritation was about herself who wanted to see Shinji right after the previous incident.

She could rely on him sometimes. Isn't that what a partner is, anyway? No, Asuka did want to rely on him and would get upset if he can't be relied on, but at the same time she seems to be unable to completely accept that part of her, even now. Why was she so complicated like this? She once thought she got rid of all that complexity but that must have been her pretending.

Asuka stood up and kicked the tin can with a snort. The can, because of the crumpled side, rolled with irregular intervals, accelerating and deaccelerating with a loud noise, and then stopped at sandaled feet. Soon a big hand came down and picked it up.

"I'm sorry, Asuka. Did you wait for long?"

Shinji was a little short of breath, and his shoulders rose and fall slightly. Asuka smirked. "You were lost down there, right? How many times at this point?"

Shinji nodded. "I went to an alley that I've never seen before, at least not at night. It's late but women were out of their houses and standing still on the street, not to go to somewhere or to do something, literally doing nothing and standing, and they all gave me this weird look. Felt something was off, so I tried to get out of there quickly and just ended up getting even more lost."

Asuka would have laughed if she had been in a better mood. Instead, she just shook her head helplessly. Shinji was silent for a while, then added, "I was worried, Asuka."

"Yeah, you should have."

Shinji raised his hand and checked the can. It seems he only just noticed the thing was crumpled. There was a deep shadow cast on his face, but she could still see his eyes narrowed. "Asuka, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me," Shinji said with a hard voice, taking a step closer.

Asuka waved her hand and turned to the door. "I'm tired. Just open the door."

Shinji stood still for a while, but sighed and walked to her side eventually. A bundle of keys came out of his pants pocket with a jingle. Asuka, looking sideway at Shinji who was looking for the right key, opened her mouth. "We can't have a baby in this world. We're not even adults ourselves. It's a trap, to both us and a child."

Shinji's hand stopped abruptly. "Asuka, I really didn't think of baby or something."

"I'm not saying you did."

Shinji was silent for a moment, looking down at the key bundle. When Asuka began to wonder what was he thinking, he bounced his wrist once and produced the right key, and opened the door. Asuka went in first, right to the bathroom without looking back. She washed her hands without troubling herself with light, and when she came out Shinji was already in their bedroom, laying on the bed with his back to her. A blanket covered only his stomach. The tin can was standing slightly ajar on the bedside table, reflecting the white moonlight.

Asuka stared at him for a moment, then strode to the bed, lifted up the cover, and went into bed, facing Shinji. He didn't make any response at all. She smelled a faint sweat from him. She must be smelling similar now, she figured.

They had several big and small fights, living together for more than half a year, and some of it was even more serious than this. But there has never been an issue that passed the night like it was about to do now. There existed a sort of unspoken promise between them that they would never sleep without reconciliation. Maybe it was out of fear for they had almost lost each other twice now. Whatever the reason, the rule existed.

Plus, somehow makeup sex was always better than the normal one, anyway.

Asuka reached out with her hands. Like it always did, the reaction was hilariously quick. After some handlings Shinji groaned quietly. "Asuka, what are you doing?"

"Let's do it."

"I'm not in the mood."

Asuka gave a snap to her wrist once. "I think Brat Shinji's got a different notion."

"Well he's an even worse idiot than I am."

"Doesn't matter, it's two to one."

Shinji's shoulders went up slightly. Now that she was used to Shinji's gestures, Asuka could have seen a wry smile on his face even from behind. "And I thought democracy was over in this world."

"A monarchy, then. Listen to your queen." Asuka lifted her hand and pulled Shinji's shoulder, but he didn't budge. That annoyed her a lot. He used to be so small, a literal fistful. Now as big as a bear to her.

"A benevolent queen like you would listen to your loyal subject's grievance, I'm sure."

Asuka laughed. "Benevolent? Isn't that a word you use on old people, like a pope? You think I'm Akagi or something?"

Shinji's shoulder shook a little. He must have laughed like Asuka, silently. Or not. "There's no way I'd call Commander Akagi benevolent."

That, was quite unusual. Shinji almost never made a comment that was even remotely related to contemporary politics. So Asuka forgot her original intention for a moment and thought about what he said.

"I don't think Akagi is that cold-blooded. I mean, she is, but not as in murderous maniac way she seems these days."

Shinji was silent. Asuka even considered telling him how the woman was searching for him for Asuka last year, or it was only by her favor that Asuka was allowed to stay with him, but Shinji opened his mouth before she decided. "Yes, she's trapped in an impossible situation. Has to pretend to be something she's not. No different from what happened to Misato."

Asuka buried her face in Shinji's back with a sad smile. That was a name she didn't hear for some time. Come to think of it, they haven't visited her grave since summer started. Asuka didn't want to talk about this subject anymore, so she put her hands down on Shinji's lower belly and asked again.

"You really don't want to do it?"

"We don't have a condom."

"You can pull it out when you finish."

'I'm not 100% confident with it. I could always make a mistake." He added after a moment. "I can't trap you."

Asuka sighed. "Are you angry with me?"

Shinji stiffened. It wasn't something you could hide at their current distance. "No."

"Shinji, we promised to not lie to each other."

"I'm not lying."

"You are angry."

"Not with you."

"With what, then?"

"Just things. Me. Toji. The world."

Asuka pondered for a moment. The defense mechanism and fear she harbored and sharpened for most of her life was urging her to just keep her mouth shut, to seethe alone, and pretend to be okay. That he's an idiot, he's not going to reciprocate her hope, that she'll be hurt because of it. Asuka opened her mouth pretending to not hear such voices.

"Hey Shinji," her voice came out a bit hoarse, she couldn't help that.

"Hmm?"

"Call me obsessive, call me juvenile," Shinji's shoulders rose, probably trying to say something, so Asuka quickly added, "I don't want to sleep with even a bit of regret, a worry. Just give me one thing, anything is fine, just one."

He didn't laugh or hesitate, fortunately. Instead Shinji put his hands down to his belly where her hands were resting, locked his fingers to hers, took them to his mouth and slowly kissed her knuckles one by one, all five.

"You're not obsessive, or juvenile."

That's how they fell asleep. Small spoon hugging the bigger one. It was a little hot and uncomfortable, but they didn't care.


Hikari covered her mouth with her hands and squealed. It reminded Asuka of their school days. "You guys are so cute. So, you two did makeup like that, right?"

Asuka shrugged. "Well, kinda, but nothing's got settled."

There was a moment of silence between the two. Hikari picked up her cup, took a sip, and put it down. Her expression had darkened again by that moment. "So, Asuka. Is Ikari that mad at Toji?"

Asuka thought for a moment about their morning. "Well, I don't think he's as angry as I am."

Hikari winced. "Really?"

"Well, I woke up in the morning and talked to him..."


When she woke up, Shinji was nowhere to be seen. Asuka was at a loss for some time, still groggy from the sleep, but soon the smell registered, so she rose up and headed to their kitchen-living room. She opened the stiff wooden sliding door with a creak, to find Shinji putting down a bowl of rice on the table. White rice, miso soup, and a glazed fish made from canned mackerel were served on the table already.

"Good morn..." Asuka froze as Shinji strode closer with a huge grin on his face. She had a moment to say "No," before he grabbed her one arm and the back of her neck and pulled her. She trembled at the taste of toothpaste that poured into her mouth with his tongue, but Shinji did not let her go with a steel-like grip. Released after a long moment, she turned her head away from him, covering her mouth with one hand. "What the hell is wrong with you."

Shinji didn't even reply to that, just pulling her wrist to her seat, and then he also settled on the opposite side of the table. "I thought about what to do today, Asuka."

Asuka lifted her chopsticks and nodded. "Tell me."

"Asuka, first of all, I don't think Toji intended anything."

Asuka frowned. "On what basis?"

Shinji shrugged. "You know, Toji. Planning and scheming are, uh,"

Asuka had to laugh at that. "He's a doctor, tho. That is an achievement, you can't deny that. When will you start respecting him properly?"

"Honestly, I don't know what kind of cosmic joke this is all about. Hikari, I expected her to become something. She was the smarter one, right?"

Asuka picked some rice with her chopsticks, nodded, put them in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "So, you want to talk to Suzuhara calmly, right?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, and maybe you should go to Hikari while I'm talking with her husband."

Asuka considered for a moment. "You want me to find out how they got Tsubame?"

"Don't be conclusive, though. We don't know yet and, like you said, this is a pretty serious problem."


At this point of the story, Hikari was looking down at the table and couldn't even meet Asuka's eyes. Asuka cautiously leaned in.

"Hikari. So this is what I wanted to ask. When you got pregnant... How did it happen? Was it something you planned?"

Seeing Hikari's eyes start to glisten, Asuka was convinced. She never thought that oaf could be this insidious, though.

"Asuka... I..."

Asuka reached out and placed her hand on the back of Hikari's. "Hikari, it's okay. It's not your fault. Nor it's the kid's fault either."

Hikari burst into tears at that. Almost hysterically. "Asuka... Please, I beg you, don't tell anyone. I'm... I really..."

The moment Asuka stood up and tried to hug Hikari, a loud knock on the front door rang out from behind. Hikari's head shot up in surprise, and Asuka looked back too.

"Mrs. Suzuhara! Mrs. Suzuhara!" came the boy's shrill voice. Before Asuka could react, Hikari ran out, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. Asuka followed immediately.

Standing over the opened front door was Kaji Ryoji. Clearly out of breath. "Mrs. Suzuhara! Your husband! He's..!" As Hikari gasped, the boy's eyes found Asuka who appeared right behind Hikari. "Major? Thank god you're here too. Your husband is involved, too, major."

Asuka closed her eyes and clenched her teeth. She had a pretty good idea about what had happened. It was so dizzying and annoying that it didn't occur to her that she should correct the title boy used.


A/N: Thank you for reviews, people. I read and appreciate all of them. The alley part being forced is a pretty valid criticism, now that I think of it. I write and upload in a mostly single sitting, and it shows.

I got too ambitious in Chapter 4, so the update would probably take one or two more days than I originally planned. But the base outline is still intact, and even FFN upload would be done before the weekend, I think.