It wasn't a long distance, but it was still too much for a woman like Hikari to run while holding a child, so it was decided that she would follow them at her own pace while Asuka and Kaji took the lead. And the boy chatted non-stop during the whole run as if he wasn't short of breath at all.
"...so I couldn't do anything until Captain Aida came, just watching from the doorway and,"
Asuka shook her head. "Grown-up adults were fighting. What is a kid like you supposed to do?"
The boy grimaced. "Pardon me major, but I liked your husband better when he was little. Last year he was shorter than me, even. And completely shy."
Asuka slowed down for a moment because she thought she was about to burst out laughing.
"That's pretty new. I'll make sure to tell him. And no, he's not my husband."
Kaji gasped, looking back at Asuka. "No! Your husband, I mean," He blushed.
Asuka sighed. "Fiance."
"Yeah, your fiance definitely has a temper. To fight someone like Mr. Suzuhara for no reason at all."
He did have a reason, don't you talk like that about a subject you don't have a clue about, she kept such words to herself. Apparently this boy entered the hospital at the same time when the proper brawl started. He didn't know what transpired between them before that.
After a few seconds of running in silence, they turned the last corner to the hospital, and Asuka groaned at the sight. Ten something men and women were gathered at the entrance of the hospital, some of them standing against and waving their hands aggressively to the two men who were blocking the entrance. Many of them seemed to have come from the paddies by the look of their clothes. Asuka turned to Kaji.
"Go back and get Hikari."
Kaji turned, nodding, and began running back the way they came.
As she got closer to the hospital she began to hear what the commotion was about.
"We even gave you our lands and yet you lazy freeloaders did nothing but eat soup kitchen free foods and shit on the streets and now you touch our doctor, huh?"
"He even lowered his fee for months because he took pity on you people and this is how you repay him?"
That was strange. Asuka frowned, and pushed aside the crowd to make her way through. Beyond the back of the two villagers who were in the front, she saw two men standing at the entrance of the hospital and blocking people from getting in. They didn't look that much different from other people but for the red armband on their left arm, signifying them as a member of the watch Kensuke created. One was a young man, early 20s at best, and the other was middle-aged. Both of them looked quite unfamiliar to her, and considering what she just heard, they were probably a migrant, both of them. The middle-aged man stepped forward, pushing the clearly-shaken young man to his back.
"Citizens, it's all a simple misunderstanding. The situation is under control, you have to..." He raised one hand to stop Asuka who at that moment came out of the crowd to stand in front of him. "Authorized personnel only, ma'am."
He didn't know her. Definitely a migrant. And probably a former cop or something. Concluding so, Asuka gestured at the door with her chin. "I'm going in."
If he felt something was off with Asuka's way of speaking, he didn't show it. "Did you get permission from Captain Aida?"
"No."
"What is your relationship with the gentleman inside, if I may ask?"
Asuka almost sighed. "He's my fiance."
So far the man was keeping a mask-like poker face, but he got visibly confused at that. He looked back at his younger colleague. "Hey, check the list."
The young one's face blanked for a moment, and then he took out a thick, palm-sized notebook from his pocket. On the cover there were large letters, Village Persons Of Note - For Internal Eyes Only. He turned a few pages, then started to scour the paper with a finger, eyes squinting. "Says he's married."
"Right?" The middle-aged watchman looked back at Asuka with a strange look on his face. "There seems to be a mistake."
That Kaji brat, and Mari and Kensuke last year. Everyone was hellbent on making them a couple, it seemed. It irritated her at this point, a lot. It's not like she hated the idea or something, but what made them think it was their business?
"No, it's you guys who are mistaken. We," Asuka felt heat rising to her face. "will get there someday, not like we have other people. We, umm, we probably would, no, we definitely would get married, but we haven't made it official yet. There was a mistake on your part."
Asuka blushed a little. The reaction to that, was something she totally didn't expect. "I understand, I truly do, but we're not in a position to take sides, please understand that. The only thing we could acknowledge is the legal relationship, Miss."
What side? And what was this sympathy in his voice? Asuka was at a loss for words when the young man made an 'ah!' sound. "I think I found her entry. Reserve Major of Wille Armed Force. Gaijin of German origin. Taller than average. Light auburn hair. Aggressive and prickly nature, deal with extreme caut..."
"Hey, hey, hey, who told you to read that aloud!" The middle-aged man hurriedly reached out and took the note for himself, looked into it for a while, and sighed. "I think active duty Wille officers have a free pass on pretty much everything, but I'm not sure I could apply it on reserve force..."
"Oh please, don't bother."
A familiar voice from behind turned Asuka's head. Slightly away from the crowd surrounding the hospital, a short, slender woman with dark reddish-brown hair was breathing hard with her hands on her knees. It was the new Wille liaison officer that Asuka was training. A takeover.
"Captain Kirishima."
"Major," the woman nodded with a sweaty face and a tired smile, and then looked sideways at the people around her who were staring at them. "Can you come this way for a moment, major?"
At the same moment Kaji, and Hikari who was holding Tsubame in her arms appeared from the direction where Asuka came from. Asuka glanced at them once, and, reluctantly, walked toward Kirishima, roughly pushing the farmers and causing and ignoring loud protests. Kirishima, with the carefree attitude that Asuka hated so much, stood on tiptoe, put a hand on Asuka's shoulder, and whispered to her ear. "Mr. Ikari is not there. As soon as the fight broke out wild rumors spread through the village, and things got weird, so I hid him before something serious could happen. Mr. Aida had to go to the paddies, expecting troubles there, so I put matters into my hands."
Asuka's shoulders stiffened. She looked back at the hospital. Hikari made eye contact with Asuka once, then bowed her head to avoid Asuka's gaze, and entered the door that was opened by the two watchmen. The middle-aged one professionally ignored both women, but the young one looked between Asuka and Hikari with meaningful eyes.
Asuka wrapped a hand around her face, Kirishima's presence completely forgotten for a moment. "For fuck's sake."
The place where Mana Kirishima hid Shinji was, to Asuka's even worse irritation, the house of Rei Ayanami nearby. Kirishima said she should check Kensuke to see how things went, and to that Asuka barely nodded her off and opened the door of the house.
It was a single-room house, a sort of studio. The bright morning sunlight was pouring in from a window to a neat dust-free floor. A bed was on the opposite side of the door, and Shinji was sitting on it, bowing his head down. It rose as Asuka made entry, surprise on his face. The area around his right eye was already blue, and the right side of the lower lip was torn and stitched up. There was a fairly long cut right above the left eyebrow, too. Asuka was heartbroken, wanted to cry, and irritated all at once. Shinji smiled as if he knew what was in her mind.
"Sorry, got beat up a bit."
Asuka snorted. "Talk calmly my ass." Even with her life-long trained theatric, she couldn't stop her voice from shaking.
Shinji shook his head. "I was serious, at least when I said that."
Asuka shook her shoes out of her feet without bending down. The left shoe flew back but she didn't care. She strode straight to Shinji and lifted his cheek with her hands. He avoided her gaze, guilt in his eyes.
"You were mad since last night, you just pretended to be fine in the morning."
Shinji had no response. Asuka looked down at Shinji's torn lip, feeling both ashamed that she didn't notice Shinji's state and a sense of betrayal at the fact he was hiding his emotion from her. "Who stitched this?"
She heard a loud thud from behind. "I did it."
She looked back. Rei Ayanami was standing in the bathroom, with one hand on a closed first aid kit box.
Asuka was at a loss for a moment. Then again, she should have expected this. Not like Toji Suzuhara would have done it. While Asuka was watching silently, Ayanami stood in front of the sink mirror, checked her hair that was tied up in a waist-down ponytail from the left side to the right, and came out of the bathroom.
"You have povidone at home, Shikinami?"
Asuka opened her mouth slightly, closed it, and nodded. Ayanami walked close with an emotionless face that Asuka was so used to, put her index and middle fingers right next to Shinji's forehead wound, and pushed, with a bare hint of disapproval. Shinji groaned.
"Disinfect here, and his lip before you go to bed tonight. Ikari will complain it hurts but you should never listen to it."
Asuka snorted. "Alright."
Ayanami took a step back with a nod. "And be especially careful with his lips. Make sure he doesn't overuse it."
Asuka squinted, unable to even guess whether it was a joke or not. Shinji looked up at her and shrugged his shoulders. Asuka sighed. "How do you feel? Getting beat up like a dog and almost causing a riot crisis in the village?"
Wincing, Shinji tried to say something, but Ayanami was faster. "That's not true."
Asuka frowned and turned to her. "What?"
"Mr. Suzuhara overpowered Ikari quick enough, minimizing the potential damage. Hence, getting beat up like a dog isn't an appropriate way to describe it. If their fighting skills were more evenly balanced than now it would not have ended like this."
Half of Asuka's mind wanted to laugh and the other half wanted to slap Ayanami senseless. She did neither, looking down again at Shinji. "You should have done better."
"I'm sorry," Shinji said, turning his head as far as he could under Asuka's grip, avoiding her gaze. "Is it that serious? I mean, the village."
Asuka internally summarized what she had heard from Mana Kirishima on the way here before speaking.
"A rumor that a migrant tried to stab Suzuhara with a knife or something because of treatment fee spread. Mostly among village natives." Shinji tried to open his mouth, so Asuka shook his cheek slightly to stop him. "And between migrants, wilder and various rumors, the biggest one being that Suzuhara was overcharging migrant women and when they fail to pay he took their body instead, and then one of the women's husband found it out, or something like that. You shouted something about rape, right? Quoting my words from yesterday?"
Shinji nodded grimly. "I told him he made me rape you, and that he had raped his wife. That was when the fight broke out. I mean, we were already fighting for some time at that point, but you know, fists and such."
That made her feel several conflicting emotions at the same time. She kept them all inside, and just shook her head.
"Someone overheard it, by the look of it." Shinji shook his head dejectedly and tried to say something. Asuka shook her hands to stop him again. "And the newest and the most ridiculous one would pop up soon. Something about Suzuhara pulling duplex on me and Hikari and you caught it or something."
Shinji sighed so deeply that Asuka was half amused his lungs held that much air. "What the hell." He looked away, thought for a while, and then opened his mouth again. "You heard all this from Miss Kirishima, right? Your replacement? I think I could have been in big trouble if not for her. She's okay, right?"
You're worrying about others even now, she thought, nodding. "Yeah. Nothing serious other than being exhausted after running all the way to our house and coming back to the hospital."
Shinji laughed at that. "I've done quite a job."
Asuka frowned. "I don't think it's your fault. It's like the whole place has been simmering for months, waiting for a trigger. Everyone was ready to make their own conclusions without even looking into matters."
"I think you did the same to Mr. Suzuhara. Jumping to a conclusion." A calm voice came from the side. Asuka took her hands off Shinji's face and turned around, growling.
"Who do you think you are to," At that moment Shinji took Asuka's hand, prompting her to look down at him. Asuka wasn't amused.
"Did you tell her?"
Shinji nodded.
Asuka closed her eyes tightly. Shinji has full confidence in Rei Ayanami. She was a special person to him. It wasn't something Asuka could change, nor was it something she had to change, and she had no right to do so even if it was possible. It was just something Asuka had to accept. She grew past childish jealousy, had she not? So Asuka took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and turned to Ayanami again.
"Why do you think so?"
Ayanami raised her chin slightly. "Tsubame was an accident, I heard it directly from Mr. Suzuhara. He even seriously considered an abortion, but he had no safe means and Mrs. Suzuhara strongly insisted on keeping her." Ayanami added when she saw Asuka frowning. "And I heard this long before today's incident."
"You expect me to believe that? Why would Suzuhara disclose such things to you?"
"He told me this when he taught me a vasectomy, back when I started this work. Said he didn't want such an accident again, but he couldn't do it alone, for an obvious reason. He was my first and last subject."
Asuka heard Shinji's mouth opening. She also had to take some moments to recover from the shock. "Isn't that illegal?"
Ayanami tilted her head slightly. "The famous contradiction between Katsuragi Order 295, which strongly restricted the rationing of contraceptives to married couples and also prohibited similar medical services, and the bodily autonomy that was guaranteed by Article 6 of the post-restoration Japanese Constitution was a point of contention in..."
"I'm not talking about that crap!" Asuka almost screamed her eyes out, but she clenched her teeth, counted to two, and then opened her mouth again. "You're a nurse!"
"It's not like Mr. Suzuhara went to medical school either. I find the distinction meaningless." Then she turned to the opposite wall. Asuka followed her gaze and found a wall clock. "I should go to Mr. Suzuhara now. I don't expect there would be anything I should do, but I still have to check. Will you lock the door when you leave? You can press the button from the inside and close the door. Please don't forget about it. The village isn't very safe these days, as you are aware."
Shinji gulped. "Oh, sure, Ayanami. Bye."
Ayanami nodded to him, and went to the door, made a rustling sound putting her shoes on, and looked back again. "If you need surgery too, let me know. From what I've heard from you Shikinami would not be against the idea, we can probably skip the spouse consent process altogether."
Asuka answered by showing her teeth. "No way you're touching his balls. Ever."
Ayanami smiled and opened the door. "I knew you would say that."
Asuka closed her eyes tightly. Soon she heard the sound of the door closing. She seriously missed humorless Ayanami.
Listening to Ayanami's footsteps moving away, Asuka thought about Hikari's reaction she saw today. It was hard to believe, but things did click if she accepted a certain conclusion. But why? Why would...
Shinji's voice broke through Asuka's reverie. "So Ayanami's gone?" His tone was a little strange, so she opened her eyes and turned to him, and almost fell because Shinji hugged her fiercely.
"What..." Asuka was about to say, but her words were cut in shock because she felt Shinji's body shaking. She hasn't seen him like this since he came back.
"Asuka, I'm really at a loss."
Shinji was murmuring against Asuka's shoulder, his head buried in it, and his words were as shaky as his body. She stroked his back softly. For some time he didn't elaborate what he meant. Maybe it's something complicated, Asuka thought. Or maybe it was embarrassing. Or something too hard to even put in a word. She waited for him to speak, suppressing her imaginations that were getting wild. But Shinji just stood there in her arms, trembling, without a word. Asuka tried to see his face, pushing him a bit, but he pulled her harder and stuck himself to her. She sighed helplessly.
"Shinji, Idiot Shinji, you can show me your crying face. I wouldn't think any less of you for it. You've seen mine a couple of times already, remember?"
Shinji was still unresponsive. That made her really sad. She knew such an act, hiding a weakness, was detrimental to one's mind. She knew it so well. And she was also sad that he still had some parts that he would rather not show to her. She should be grateful that he's at least looking for her embrace, that's a development of some sort, she consoled herself like that, and kept stroking his back. After some time Shinji's tremor finally stopped itself.
"Asuka, I really thought I knew everything."
Asuka's body reflexively stiffened at his voice. It was the same tone that she heard on that beach, in her nightmares that stopped months ago. She hated that voice, the voice that was pretending to be calm but hiding a wound. So she tried to say something quickly, something like 'It's true that Suzuhara was suspicious, you were right to think the way you did.', but she had a feeling that he was talking about something more than that, something bigger. So she changed her word before it came out.
"What is it you don't know?"
Shinji was silent for a moment. It was only when she started to worry if she should've worded her question differently or she should've waited more, that Shinji inflated his chest with a big inhale, and sighed.
"Everything. Everyone. The world, the future. ...Sometimes, you."
The last bit clenched her chest like a pincer, but she kept stroking his back. "I don't know much about life either, but... Isn't that how everyone lives? Pretending to know even though having not a clue. That's just how you live."
Shinji shook his head with his face buried in her embrace. "I'm different, Asuka. I've... I've seen something you wouldn't believe. Countless worlds, all in my head. Countless me, countless you, everyone..."
Asuka closed her eyes. The topic that had been buried so far, something they had done their best to not mention, seemed to emerge itself like this. The last Impact. Things Shinji had done after he succeeded in tracking down Gendo Ikari. Little detail was known about it because Shinji himself(and Mari too, to some extent,) remained silent. Commander Akagi herself once traveled to this place, back in late winter, almost right after he was back and questioned him personally, but failed to gauge anything. As for Asuka, she was deliberately not asking anything. Mostly because she didn't know if she could deal with whatever story that would come out. Maybe that was selfish of her, she realized now. Letting him mull alone, over whatever he saw or did.
"I thought I saw the answer sheet. With a god-like power in my hand, I thought I knew everything. I saw every heart, read every pain, knew every fix, or so I thought. Of course, my first fix was you... What a job I did."
Asuka pushed him away gently. This time, he allowed it. Asuka put her hand on his wet face and wiped it, carefully avoiding the bruise. "I told you it's okay now. That you can make up for it."
Shinji smiled bitterly. "I know. Doesn't mean I'm not sorry. But more importantly..." The way he shook his head was heartbreaking for Asuka. "Even after realizing I was wrong, I was deluded again not long after, I think. Because I saw you and you looked happy enough. That even though I have made a big mistake once, it was just that, a mistake. That I wasn't fundamentally misdirected."
She had to say this. "I'm still happy."
Shinji raised his hand to stroke the back of Asuka's head and sighed. "And I'm so glad for it. But what I'm trying to say is,"
"That you don't know 'how.' Be it me, or anyone."
Shinji's body stiffened at that. "...Yeah, and that makes me so scared. It's the world I created, but it's so strange to me. I was sure that I understood these people, but I don't know them anymore. Look at this stupid situation I made. And it gets worse as time goes by. Maybe it's because the moment I saw the answer has passed now and things were changed from then. I made up my mind to face it all with a confident face. Now I'm losing that confidence. As soon as the answer sheet I was peeking at was gone, I became a 14-year-old boy again, a boy who pretends to know something he doesn't. Right back to the way it was."
"Shinji, Idiot Shinji," Asuka looked up at Shinji's eyes. The angle itself made her smile, because even though it was just something superficial, not something really meaningful, it still meant change.
"You've changed. You are not like you used to be. Me neither. Shinji, I was actually thinking the same thing yesterday. Remember my mood? Yesterday I wondered if I had changed at all, that maybe I was pretending to be changed and the smallest shock from outside would make me return to my old self. But, if we really didn't change, would we be doing this? Hugging each other, talking our minds, making ourselves vulnerable? Haven't you thought about it this way? You think we could've done this when we were pilots?"
Shinji shut his mouth and avoided her eyes. Asuka continued in a watery voice, suppressing a rising complaint inside her that why did she have to say this much. "And, even if the whole world becomes a mystery to you, that you can't be sure about anything in existence, there's still one thing you don't need to doubt."
At that, Shinji turned his head and looked down at Asuka. By then he knew what she was about to say. His softening eyes were a testament to it. Asuka looked defiantly into those blue eyes she loved so much, pushed herself away from him a little, bit her lower lip, and put a hand on her chest where her heart was located. Shinji smiled helplessly and held Asuka's hand that was on her chest with one of his hands, and raised the other hand to touch Asuka's lips with a thumb.
"Would've kissed you if it weren't for my lip."
Asuka turned her head with a whiff, embarrassment coming up belatedly. "Better this way. It's already melodramatic enough without a damn kiss."
That made him laugh. "Maybe. But I still want to kiss you."
Asuka sighed, unsure if it was because of him or herself. "Later. At home. You'll be kissed."
"Going home wouldn't cure my lip, though."
Asuka grinned, licking her lips.
"I said you'll be kissed. Didn't say anything about you kissing."
"Oh," Asuka couldn't help laughing at the instant response from the Brat she felt on her belly. "Really?"
"Really."
Asuka wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked down at the sink. Clean water, without a single bubble, which she had spat out just before, was flowing down the drain. She rolled her tongue and checked inside her mouth, got satisfied, and stretched her back.
She looked up at the bathroom window. The moon was shining white. They probably should sleep after the second round, she figured. There was a time they enjoyed a night walk in the forest under the late night moon but in the current situation, well.
It was a long day. Asuka shook her head, left the bathroom, turned off the light switch, and frowned for a moment until her eyes were accustomed to the darkness before heading to bed. The blanket she put on the floor earlier got caught on her foot, so she pushed it to the side, picked up the towel next to it and went into bed. Shinji was right there on the spot where he flopped down earlier. He was watching her naked body with a faint smile.
"You like it that much?" Asuka asked, tapping Shinji on the shoulder, signaling to make room for her.
Shinji nodded, moving back to make a space, and then raised a hand to wrap Asuka's cheek once she settled down. "Can't believe Hikari did that."
"Yeah, me too." Asuka lay sideways, facing Shinji, and then turned her head back to measure the distance to the edge of the bed. It looked wide enough.
Shinji's mouth drew a bitter smile. "I guess fear could push people that far."
Earlier that day, the moment they left Ayanami's house, they encountered Mana Kirishima, now fully soaked in sweat. The paddies were the place where most of the able-bodied men were gathered and also the place where there were tons of potentially dangerous tools, so it was natural for Kensuke to go there and try to control the situation. He was on the verge of failure, though, Kirishima told them. He was now looking for Shinji and Toji, to show both of them to the angry crowd and convince them it was just a personal fight between locals. With that, Kirishima grabbed Shinji and started to run.
So while Shinji and Toji were on their merry little awkward tour, Asuka went to the hospital, now empty but Hikari and Tsubame. There, with tears, Hikari confessed everything to Asuka.
According to her, Toji was seriously considering joining Wille like his sister did back then. Now that their little group of the post-impact survival journey was largely settled, he has to pursue the duty to fight evils, that was his stupid argument. Hikari, desperate with fear, found those old condoms on the bottom of her old boxes, things she had gathered when she was a teenager scavenger of destroyed cities(fresh, new condom is a surprisingly versatile tool in survival situations, Hikari added), and needled every single new one they had. After getting Tsubame and successfully grounding Toji down she just forgot about those things, she never thought they would find their way to Asuka's house, she wailed.
Asuka put her body close to Shinji. Shinji was caressing her face with his thumb. "Yeah, I guess. I don't think I could blame her. And that's a pretty effective way, too, don't you think? Would you have sent me away with that goodbye crap if I told you I had your brat inside me?"
"Come on, Asuka. Not today."
Shinji said, with that weird expression he kept this whole evening. Asuka lifted a hand and pinched his nose.
"Oh, that face. You looked like that all evening."
And it wasn't an exaggeration. He was like that. Throughout their dinner, after his return from the soup kitchen-the place operated as if nothing had happened, believe it or not- and their reportings of their afternoon journey to each other. And after that, a visit from deadly-tired-looking Kensuke and some explanation to him. And after he was gone, a shower, together, by Asuka's insistence. And after that Asuka sat him down. He wore this face throughout the whole things, and talked very little. She knew it was something related to what she heard from him earlier, but it was starting to annoy her nonetheless.
"I had lots to think."
Asuka snorted. "You had? What about now? Are you done thinking?"
His nod had some hints of enthusiasm, making her slightly relieved. She shrugged it off some minutes ago, but this was her turn now and she wouldn't appreciate dead frog Shinji now. I'll ask you later, she was about to say, but Shinji started to go down on her so she had to grab his shoulder and stop him. "Have you forgot you shouldn't use your mouth?"
Shinji raised his eyebrows slightly. "But then..."
Asuka moved her lower body and put one of Shinji's legs between her legs. "Bend your knee a bit and lift them up." He realized her intention quick enough, wrapping his hands around the small of her back and making an optimal angle down there. Asuka shook her head slightly and grabbed Shinji's right hand and moved it to her breasts. And then she slid back far away, while hanging on Shinji's neck with both hands. Looking into Shinji's blue eyes she whispered in low voice. "Stay still like you did before and I'll get mad."
Shinji answered with his hands. She quite liked it, so she nodded slightly and began to slowly move her waist. Short, and slow for now. To the fore, and to the aft. For some time, if someone saw them from afar they would've thought she wasn't moving at all. But she began to feel the heat rising and gradually increased both pitch and length. Shinji's thigh, so smooth and muscled precisely to her taste, not too thin but not too bulky either, was now slippery. All the while Shinji's left hand slowly crept down Asuka's backbone, using just the fingertips. That's pretty good, she was about to say, but at the same moment she found something mischievous in his eyes she was staring this whole time. What was that? The answer came quickly from Shinji's left hand that had just finished its descending journey.
"Take it out." Asuka stopped moving and made a face.
"You don't like it?" Shinji asked without a change in expression.
"Of course I don't like it."
Shinji pinched her with his right hand. "You said we shouldn't lie to each other."
So you're using my words like that, Asuka scrunched her brow, then sighed. "It's hard to move. Take it out."
Shinji took it out without further objection.
"Wipe it."
He chuckled, wiping his finger on the edge of the towel Asuka put on the bed earlier, and then put his hand back on her back. The procedure returned after that. And to think she was worried if he was depressed or something, Asuka thought. Is her mouth that good? Or was it something else? She almost lost her concentration. After about five breath's time, Shinji opened his mouth again.
"I never thought you'd be the boring one, not me. About these things."
After a strong forward pull, Asuka reached out her finger from the hand that was snaked around Shinji's neck and pulled his earlobes. "Nonsense."
"But you are." Shinji squeezed with his right hand, while drawing a gentle circle along her shoulder blade with his left hand.
Asuka moaned slightly, pushing her hip away. "No I'm not."
"How about this, Asuka? Let's say we agree to demand one favor from each other right now, can you name it right off the bat?"
Asuka stopped her movement again and narrowed her eyes. "You want to put your fingers there that bad?"
Shinji burst into laughter. "No, I was actually thinking of something else."
Asuka shook her head, wondering how much worse it could be. "Say it, then."
"I asked you first."
And he thinks he's not changed. Asuka resumed her move with a strange feeling of heat. "Plugsuit you wore when you came back. All ripped."
Shinji's hands stopped, visibly caught off guard. "Ah, that."
"Don't say it's gone or something. I saw it stuck in a box somewhere."
"I don't know if I can wear that thing ever again. The compressor is completely broken, obviously. And if I put my arms or legs in I would probably rip it even more."
She pulled to her fullest extent, and smiled right to his eyes, with her face an inch away from his. "We'll have to rip it more to properly use it anyway." Then she pushed away. Shinji nodded.
"I'll try later. If that's what you want."
Asuka smiled contentedly. Then for a while, the two talked only with the ever rising heat, gestures, and eyes fixed on each other's.
It was Asuka, who broke the not-so-quiet silence.
"Idiot Shinji, I'll admit your actions become a lot bolder."
Shinji grinned without a word.
"Still, you're far from eloquent when it comes to words. Pretty decent when you pre-planned the whole speech, but if it's about something you didn't expect, you start stuttering and become stupid the same as before. You need to practice."
"How am I supposed to practice on something I don't expect?"
Asuka slipped far away, and put her brow to Shinji's. "I'll give you one now. Say something sexy. Something I've never heard so far."
Shinji's grin quickly faded and his eyes shook. "Uhhh..."
It was Asuka's turn to grin now. With the foreheads still attached, she looked into his eyes and kept moving.
Shinji's left hand, which was wandering random places for a moment, caught strands of Asuka's hair. "I like the way you smell."
Asuka picked up speed and nibbled Shinji's nose tip slightly. "I told you, something I've never heard."
Shinji flinched, making her laugh, and after long consideration, broke their eye contact for the first time and looked down. Asuka was about to be disappointed, but Shinji tapped Asuka's cleavage with the index finger of his right hand.
"Here."
"Tell me something new, I said." Asuka was about to bite his nose again, but Shinji pulled his chin back and dodged it.
"I'm not done yet, Asuka."
"Tell me, then."
"I love the way your vein stands out in your breasts. It's like the Milky Way but color swapped, blue on cream. I never get tired of it."
Asuka considered for a moment, slowing down. It was quite a pass, she concluded, so she put her hands around Shinji's cheeks. Shinji himself looked quite proud of himself, making her want to laugh. What came out of her mouth instead was a sigh-like moan. She started to repeat short moves and opened her mouth again.
"One more. Say one more."
Shinji was lost in thought, slowing down his hands. By the time Asuka started to wonder what kind of greatest oratory of the history he was preparing now, he opened his mouth.
"Something I thought this evening."
Asuka swallowed the saliva that thickened in her mouth and swept Shinji's cheek with her thumb. "Is it sexy?"
"I'm not sure. But you'll probably like it."
"Tell me."
Shinji pulled Asuka's back with his left hand. At this point she was using only the snaps of her waist, so there was no problem. Now with the distance a little closer, Shinji put his mouth to Asuka's ear and whispered, hot breath tickling her eardrum.
"What you said today, that I can trust your heart even after the whole world becomes a mystery to me. You wouldn't know how true you were. It was only then I truly realized how significant it was and it shook me the whole day."
Asuka hugged Shinji's head. Little by little, she knew it was coming. "Explain. Quickly."
"I saw it, in the Anti-universe where I found my father. The countless facets of countless worlds flowed into that place. It was just facets, and they all swept by so quickly, so I don't remember most of the tiny details. If I had, my head wouldn't have handled it anyway so it's fine I guess. Anyway, I remember seeing me and you from different worlds. Tens of thousands of me, and tens of thousands of you. Sometimes with slightly different names. Sometimes with families, sometimes not. The number of Angels we had to fight was different every time, and our destinations were different, and many of its details are, as I said, forever lost to me now... But I remember there was this, one thing, one amazing thing that always was there."
Shinji moved his head, so Asuka released her arm. He distanced his head just enough to look at her face, and his eyes were smiling with a hint of melancholy.
"Our bond. In one of those worlds was like, it was so bad as if the local god there hated our relationship or something, but even there, even after our memories were wiped off and we had forgot each other completely, we met again in a crowded train station. Asuka, I'm so hopelessly trapped with you on a fundamental and fateful level, and that is the happiest thing to me."
Asuka felt her eyes watering. She wanted to say something, but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a hot breath. Only her waist was moving independently as if it had its own separate brain.
"You told me yesterday. That I'm just pretending, without criteria. But you could say the same thing about my feelings toward you, Asuka. I don't know about other girls, I really don't have a standard to compare. Technically speaking I don't know if you really are the best. But that's okay. Because my happiness is real. I'll happily pretend to know. Not a soul could make it a fake."
Asuka hugged Shinji's head again. Shinji continued with a slight smile.
"And when I thought so, I also thought, maybe that's what people are all like. Maybe life is just repeating to pretend until it becomes real, if it ever becomes real. Thinking that way, I'm suddenly not that scared to be a parent one day, too. Just like you, I don't even know what a good parent is, so I always wondered if I could be one, if I have a right to have children at all, but if I do my best..."
"Stop."
"Sorry, the last one was a little off-topic. And definitely not sexy. Maybe..."
"Stopstopstop."
"Huh?"
Asuka hurriedly bit Shinji's shoulder, shivering, and screamed.
With povidone from the cupboard in the kitchen, she disinfected Shinji's lip stitch, eyebrow cut, and the bite mark on the shoulder. And then the two lied down on the bed again. Shinji winced, as he tried to move his arm that was put around Asuka's shoulder.
"It's going to last for some time"
"Think of it as a territory marking." Asuka replied with a languid voice. Shinji let out a dry chuckle.
"You could've done that on one place, not two."
"You're going to erase one in the morning."
Shinji sighed. "I should apologize to Toji tomorrow. He probably knew nothing."
Asuka said nothing. They fell into comfortable silence in the stuffy heat of their room.
A few minutes later, Asuka broke the silence.
"Shinji, what you said earlier." Shinji turned and looked at Asuka. Asuka kept her gaze at the ceiling. "I get what you mean. But it's still a bit too much to me. Everything aside, I feel that I still didn't have enough time to spend with just you."
Shinji, like Asuka, turned to the ceiling and nodded. "I agree."
"And, Shinji,"
"Yeah."
"Would that really be enough? Pretending? Aren't there things you can't do even if you try? Just like Misato pretended to be a good protector for us," Asuka sighed. "Or what if the direction of such pretending was wrong from the beginning? Like Akagi is doing now, or... like you pretended to know my happiness back then."
At the last word, Shinji's body stiffened. He turned to Asuka again. This time, Asuka turned to him too. Shinji's warm eyes, eyes Asuka loved so much, harbored a quiet determination, a thing she rarely witnessed from those eyes.
"Still, it's better than avoiding that choice itself." That reminded Asuka of what she said to Shinji before. He didn't kill her, and he didn't save her either. That he just ran away from the choice. Shinji hugged Asuka, who was smiling sadly, thinking that the answer to this problem was already known to her. "We have no choice but to decide what to pretend and live up to it, taking responsibility for it."
Asuka whispered into Shinji's embrace. "Yeah. I, too, will pretend you're the best for the rest of my life."
A/N: I think I was a bit too ambitious. Absurdist humor, world building that's continued from previous work, some character studies and serious evangelion-like theme, meta jokes and of course, sweaty smut, all at one, below 20k words short story that's written in (to me) foreign language. And this thing wasn't even a serious project at the start, basically a joke I threw to some fellow fic writer who was asking for an idea for his next story. That's why the initial premise isn't that organically attached to some other things I tried to highlight as much as I would've liked. Still I'm mildly satisfied with what I managed to put out. My two fics so far are my love letter to ROE Asushin and its fandom, and it would explain some of my choices in those fics. Only regret is that I'm completely sidelining Kaworu, because I have not a single clue about his arc during 14 years timeskip.
