Lined In Orange And Black
Ending
The carriage coachmen drove along with the crusty old road, unsurprisingly sweating as he was the driver of the very carriage holding one of the greatest rulers in all of Lugunica's history, Natsuki Emilia.
The carriage was lined with silver and gold with an almost exaggerated and overboard amount of detail etched onto every crevice and surface of the gold. It was for sure fit for a Queen and it was not hard to see that the craftsmen behind the carriage's design truly appreciated the Queen's efforts and, of course, the compensation they were awarded.
Sitting inside was the world's prettiest half-elf, one whose pointy ears, glowing and perplexing eyes, and crystalline, silver voice would make any lady in this day and age jealous. Envious perhaps? However, her beauty could not effectively hide the various scars littered upon her.
A scar encroached on her leg, a souvenir from her various travels to Kararagi many years ago when she was but a mere candidate rather than in her full-fledged position.
Another singular scar also made itself apparent on her wrist. It was clearly brash and unprofessional as if a person with absolutely no experience or training with a sword had cut it. Or perhaps the inflictor was not necessarily in the right state of mind? Or perhaps it was the result of grief and trauma, a rather fragile subject, but it would explain the scar's rough edges and unprofessional cut.
However, the greatest of scars that she attained was always the mental ones, those that crept all throughout her mind with no hesitation and stoppage. Like static, those horrid memories would never stop buzzing, for forgetting trauma was next to impossible and the very act of trying to move on was far more difficult than perceived.
And so Emilia stared outside the window with open, deprecating eyes as the slithering silence made her mind wander to uncomfortable thoughts and inquiries.
Are we to the manner yet?
I should've come sooner. I could've helped set up, right?
Are Naoko and Fortuna having fun?
Are my daughters okay? They should be, right?
Naoko and Fortuna will probably meet Beatrice for the first time, won't they? I wonder how that'll go, good maybe?
I wonder if they'll learn about their father?
Subaru never got to see Naoko and Fortuna, did he?
Would Subaru be proud?
Would Subaru be happy?
Would Subaru love me still?
Subaru?
As the questions plagued her mind with nonstop ferocity, she found herself realizing that she had fallen into a devastating trap of getting lost in her merciless mind. However, it was clear to her that she had once again gotten lost only to end at the very same topic every thought in her mind seemed to end at.
Subaru. Natsuki Subaru.
Her gaze became somewhat more downcast. She always wondered how he would look like had he gotten older. At this point, he would have been well in his thirties and would most certainly start acting as if he'd reached old age. Subaru was never the most athletic, but no matter what he tried he'd get the occasional cramp once in a while.
She chuckled to herself a bit, a natural reaction she thought. Humor and comedy always made dark situations seem a tad bit more bearable, a tad bit brighter, a tad bit hopeful.
It took her an extraneously long time to accept that the kingdom, the great and mighty Lugunica, relied solely on her. Yes, perhaps Reinhardt or Crusch would provide much-needed firepower or strategic support or Anastasia would offer the occasional business deal but the real calls seemed to rest on her shoulders. It was a terrifying thought, Emilia concluded, that the once secluded half-elf be in such a high position on decision making.
But she could not resist thinking about what would or could have been. Had she tried harder perhaps then there would be another future where she'd be sitting on the throne with another by her side rather than simply by her lonesome?
What could've been?
Perhaps, she thought, there was an alternate reality where she wasn't too hesitant and naive. Perhaps there was a world where she realized and expressed her feelings sooner so that, just perhaps, things may have slightly changed. Perhaps minor changes in what she did in the past could have deviated the course of events ever so slightly so that, just maybe, he might have still lived.
Her skin started to rattle, started to shake, and started to weep. And the more it did, the more she fell into her nasty, horrid thoughts.
Emilia closed her eyes, not in exhaustion but rather in contemplation and fear.
She looked deep inside herself. She imagined herself in a dark empty abyss in which nothing could be seen for miles. This dreamscape, seemingly concocted by the majesty, was her temporary safe haven from the cruel thoughts that once plagued her active mind.
Emilia, completely entranced in this dream, clenched her eyes even tighter so as to never escape the comfort that the dreamscape seemed to oddly provide.
Looking around the dreamscape, however, Emilia eventually spotted someone. She was met with someone staring right back at her. There was a person inside her head- wearing the same clothing Emilia was, but also having the same plastered smile she always wore around everybody- she was capable, fantastic, smart, competent, brilliant, great, calm... she was perfect. The person she envisioned in her head was herself, only a better version… a version that she wish she could've been.
What she was imagining was a person who just might have been deserving of Subaru, someone who, just perhaps, could have actually saved him had they existed.
Emilia, still captured by the abnormal dreamscape, turned around against the stare of her counterpart as if wanting to avoid the reality of her own inadequacy.
But Emilia darted her eyes around the dreamscape once more. She was shocked to see that her imagination had changed from an empty abyssal plain to a cold, harsh forest.
There was a large, mountainous pillar of ice that seemed to be holding a scared little half-elf girl in the middle of it. Emilia reached out as if wanting to free the girl from her fate, but upon touching the ice the girl had opened her eyes. She screamed under that thick, murky veil of ice. She seemed to be screaming as to let her out. But Emilia, afraid of what it meant to move on, backed away from the girl.
Emilia wanted to get out of the nightmare, it no longer sheltered her from the reality she was so desperately trying to initially avoid.
The girl continued to be trapped in ice, but it did not take long for Emilia to realize that she was too trapped in ice. Emilia was refusing to let the reality thaw inside her.
She could not accept the truth, and so she continued to run from the horrid hallucinations and imagery that accompanied the dream...
But sooner or later...
Emilia opened her eyes again, this time in the carriage to see that it had become close to nighttime. She hypothesized that it was only a few more hours until she reached the mansion that held so many precious memories to her.
Regardless of those happy times, she could not handle what it also stood for. Subaru was gone, she repeated to herself. Subaru is gone, she said to herself. Subaru was dead, she whispered to herself. And yet, the nagging feeling that there could have been a way where he wasn't dead found itself continually implanted in her mind.
The others realized that sort of PTSD too, especially Felix and Julius to which the two immediately opted to have the Queen an appointed assistant or if they were to use a Subaru-ism, a personal therapist.
Emilia, not wanting to worry anyone or simply too deep in the depths of despair and denial, had refused. She instead opted to treat herself. After days turned to weeks and weeks to months, no progress truly was made. There was, of course, always an urge to feel and process the reality all at once. But, to no fault but Emilia herself, she only re-traumatized herself instead of developing an exercise of stabilization against the trauma.
It seemed that her own efforts had backfired on her.
I suppose it was a curse that always fell upon the Natsuki Family, blaming everything on oneself and suffering the aftermath alongside the shockingly low self-esteem.
Emilia noticed that the carriage's colors started to blend together, her vision was getting blurrier and more contested. Was she awake? Was she still dreaming? She hoped not.
However, as Emilia thought about it more she realized that it truly didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter because when she closed her eyes, all she dreamed was of worry, loss, and death. Closing her eyes eventually would remind her of the world outside, a world without Subaru. And when she opened them, all she saw was worry, loss, and death all the same. All she saw was a world without Subaru, a world all by herself as it had been since the start.
No matter how much praise the kingdom gave her, no matter how many greetings and songs they wrote for her… it didn't matter for he wasn't there to hear them.
And he never would, she concluded.
The carriage driver looked onwards towards the dirty, crusty, and dark road ahead of him. They were almost to the mansion and he couldn't be any more excited. After all, to even see the mansion that was said to have housed the Queen and the Greatest Sage must be a sight to behold. He would be sure to brag about this to everybody!
But his instincts seemed to go on and off as if he knew something was wrong. His body seemed to get more and more fatigued. It was as if something was trying to get control of him, or perhaps simply the inevitable effects of over-exhaustion and overexcitement.
Or maybe there was something wrong...
Perhaps the Queen was tired? Perhaps she was hungry or thirsty? His eyes kept opening and closing, it was as if something was trying to get a hold of him, but he didn't mind. His mission is just to get the Queen to where she is supposed to go and make sure she is comfortable along the way.
However, if the Queen was, in fact, hungry or thirsty then he might as well tell her where the food compartments were.
"My majesty, if you are starving then I would like to inform you that directly under your seat is an assortment of delicacies," stated the coachman, looking back towards the Queen through a small window cut on the carriage walls.
Silence followed a few more seconds until he heard a slight rumbling sound and, as if on cue, an immediate yelp.
"Huh! My queen, are you okay in there!?"
"Oh, yes, yes I'm fine! Thank you for your concern," quickly retorted the Queen, having recently been snapped out of her thoughts.
He looked onward once more, but that instinctual itch still lingered as if wanting him to say something. He had never driven the Queen before and this might be the only time he'd ever be able to. Perhaps taking advantage of the opportunity wasn't rude after all?
And so the coachmen let his curiosity get the better of him much to the Queen's dismay. His eyes flashed with immense, unnatural determination as in complete contrast to how he was acting the previous hours during the journey. What had gotten into him, he wondered.
"Emi- my majesty? If I may… er… inquire you with something?"
Emilia's glistening purple, simultaneously mellow and refined, eyes opened. Perhaps she was once again surprised that someone actually wanted to talk to her. She was still not used to all the praise showered upon her by her people. To be subjected to prejudice all your life and then fed glorious recognition isn't exactly the smoothest of transitions.
"Anything in my ability, so please inquire," gestured the Queen.
"Is it true that the idio- Sage Natsuki Subaru was one of your camps first members?"
Emilia's eyes downcasted for a bit but had the natural instinct to jolt back up as to entertain the questioner. She couldn't let her facade be broken that easily after all.
"That dunderhead was, yes," she proclaimed in an almost angelic, slow voice. "It took me a long time to realize it, but that day may have been the greatest I've ever had."
The coachman seemed to chuckle after her retort, especially after the use of the odd word 'dunderhead.' Who even uses that word anymore in this day in age?
"Ha, dunderhead. But I can relate, my majesty. The first time I met my wife was… well it was rough, very rough but it was the beginning of a new journey. A new world of fun. I'm sorry for your loss though, especially on this day. I can assure you it will get better."
"I thank you for your condolences, but how do you know that, I wonder? That it will get better that is."
"Oh my majesty, it wasn't too difficult to realize. I've been married for... 10 years so I'd like to brag about seeing things other folks can't. I can see that today is less of an anniversary of your crowning than it is more of your husband's honor, at least in your eyes," analyzed the coachmen, giving his clear and quite improper explanation.
Emilia tilted her head as if perplexed by the coachman's honesty. It felt odd to her, however, that the coachmen gave off an awfully familiar aura. Regardless of her convoluted thoughts, however, the coachman seemed to continue in his preaching.
"But I know how tough it can be to not see that loved one for so, so long. But I know that your princesses will gladly aid you in understanding that everything will turn out okay. The ending may be the most important part of the journey, but we must pay attention to how we get there and our health in doing so. It'll be fine."
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
The silence started to make him uncomfortable.
"Oh! I'm sorry if I was being rude. I-" clumsily retorted the coachman.
"It is 'oo-kaay,' I will excuse you for any rudeness you may have expressed. But you are correct, today is very, very important for that reason. I just wish he was-"
…..
….
…
..
.
"You wish he was still with us, my majesty? Your palaces maids told me before we embarked that it would be of paramount importance to ensure your comfortablity. My queen, please do not fret. Your people support you and ou- your allies certainly do too," continued the coachmen, saying words and assurances like he never had before.
"I really do hope so, mister," responded Emilia.
.
.
.
"Trust me, they do my Emilia-ta-" the coachmen stopped in his words before finishing the phrase, quickly correcting himself. He smirked to himself, as if glad he narrowly avoided what could have been a monstrous mistake.
"Thank you for your words, miste-" Emilia was going to say, before stopping in her tracks.
Emilia's eyes popped wide for a second, almost contemplating whether or not the man was going to say what she thought he was going to say. After some thought, however, she concluded that she was simply hearing things. After all, it was not unusual for her to dream so perhaps she was simply mishearing things. It wouldn't be the first time.
And as if correcting himself, the coachman resumed his statement...
"I'm sure they do, my majesty."
Emilia could not see it but his eyes held a determined and bright orange sparkle to them. It seemed, however, that this orange glow was unnaturally and gradually dimming only to be later and eventually replaced with a more tired and concentrated blue.
Emilia was yet to catch on to that detail, but it seemed that the coachman's curiosity dimmed out of existence that same moment too. He was then hit with confusion; what was he just doing? He felt as if something took over him and possessed him to ask that question… what could that have been?
"Whatever," he thought.
He rose the reins and continued the drive.
Unbeknownst to Emilia and to the coachman, a few miles away smiled a mean-eyed man lined in orange and black, having gotten away using his authority to talk to his Emilia-tan for a quiet bit before the true surprise was to commence. He once thought his authorities to be dim-downed versions of their original holders but he couldn't help but be glad by its current usefulness. Truth be told, he was excited.
One Hour Earlier
The drink-stained and glowing ballroom had been plagued with an everlasting silence, the walls reverberated no noise and the floor seemed to glisten in complete and utter quietness.
The black-haired man who just walked into the room, doing perhaps the world's most awkward pose, had kept his posture for a few more seconds before getting weirded by the heavy lack of reaction by the others. They weren't this slow, were they?
Frederica, for example, looked back towards the wine table she had set up earlier. Perhaps she was questioning whether she had gotten wasted and was now experiencing the after-effects. She chuckled to herself for a quiet bit, before questioning reality once more when her brother tugged on her dress.
Garfiel, who had been standing right beside her, however, was beginning to question the very fabric of reality as he continued to stare at the figure he admired most in the world. Tugging on his sister's dress, he asked the real question.
"Sis, is that Ca-Cap'n?"
"No, of course not, Garf. What did I tell you about drinking? You may be of age but that doesn't mean so much alcohol is good for you!?" calmly stated Frederica, denying the figure who had recently introduced themselves.
"But sis, everyone sees Cap'n too. You do, right?"
Garfiel looked back at the tracksuit-wearing figure who had just entered. Could it really be him? But the more Garfiel thought about it, the more he feared the figure.
Deep inside, Garfiel wanted it to be fake. He had worked so hard to make his Cap'n proud. To become a knight, to become the Shield of Lugunica, to become a paragon of hope and a symbol that things in the world weren't as bad as they seemed. And to others who may be stuck in a similar shell as to what Garfiel was once stuck in, he'd be a symbol of change and assurance. He had worked so hard to become something his Cap'n would be able to say 'good job' at. But the figure in front of him scared him to his very core.
Garfiel wanted his Captain's manifestation in the ballroom to be a mere illusion, but not because he hated or detested Natsuki Subaru. Garfiel was terrified of the mere possibility that Natsuki Subaru was there, living and standing and that he'd point out how Garfiel had failed to protect him. Garfiel was terrified that, even after all his hard work, that his failures would once again be made apparent for the world to see. Garfiel was scared that his idol was disappointed in him, ashamed that the great figure was ever associated with someone so, so, so incompetent.
Garfiel at that moment could not help but view himself as a scarred little cat… alone like he was back in Sanctuary.
Garfiel stepped back.
Ram, upon hearing his voice, did too. So did Otto, Petra, Louis, Frederica, Crusch, Wilhelm, Reinhardt, Felt, Julius, Anastasia… and all others who had recently arrived.
Ashamed, they were.
"Garf"
Garfiel's eyes drifted from the floor upwards, slowly moving to face the voice that had been directed toward him.
But upon making eye contact...
He was met with the very same eyes that haunted his dreams. Garf stepped back even farther, clearly afraid of what might come next. That kind but dead eyes were staring back at him.
Garfiel couldn't help it but he also started to recall the entire circumstance of his Captains death. Those dead, bleeding eyes... That smile his Captain wore as if saying that everything would be alright and dandy when they clearly wouldn't.
In reality, though, Garfiel seemed to continue to back up. But as he was doing so...
Subaru took a step towards him, now holding a serious expression on his face, but not in a hostile or insulted fashion. It was as if he was looking right through Garfiel.
Garfiel worked so hard to forget, or rather to move on. It was primarily why he increased his work ethic to become a knight after his Captains death. It was all to continue his memory and, most importantly, to protect the children that the Captain would have so overwhelmingly loved.
And yet no matter how much Garfiel backed up, he soon bumped into a table and couldn't help but stare at his Captain's corpse walking towards him. Captain will certainly kill him now.
"Why did you fail me Garfiel!"
"You obsolete piece of garbage, the Shield of Sanctuary can't defeat a measly wench!"
"You weak, pathetic, absolutely abhorrent, most despicable, most appalling existence!"
Garfiel was starting to imagine all the things Captain would say. And much to Garf's dismay, he could not argue against any of them.
His Captain walked closer, nearing him. Garfiel shut his eyes tight, preparing for the heavy attack to be unleashed by Subaru. Perhaps he'd use his invisible hands once more?
"Garfiel"
"Me?"
"Yes you, Garfiel"
He slowly opened his eyes once more.
And instead saw a face smiling at him and a hand clearly rested on his shoulder.
"Nice to see you too."
Garfiel's eyes started to puff, started melt, and rain down a torrent of tears and relief.
And a small smile quickly enveloped his face. No explanation truly was needed for Subaru's re-appearance, not at this moment as for Garfiel, this was pure bliss.
"Nic-Nice to-o see ya too, Cap'n!"
And Garfiel embraced his Cap'n in the warmest hug in history while the others too started to realize the scope of the situation.
Ram, once staring in disbelief and guilt by the fact that she couldn't save her little brother, was now slowly inching towards Subaru; Otto, once enamered and haunted by the ghosts of Subaru almost every day unless with his children, had fallen to his knees as if Subaru's mere existence made him weak; everyone, once confused by who the possible impersonator could be, was now staring in pure delight as the legend had returned.
"[Other] Grandson!"
"Big Bro!"
"Natsuki Subaru!"
"Suba- Barusu!"
"Natsuki-san!"
All those rushed towards him like an unchecked herd of cattle and either embraced, patted, or simply touched the poor man's face as if still unbelieving that the corpse was now walking, talking, and surprisingly Subaru-like now.
Naoko and Fortuna, however, simply stood behind all the commotion next to a clearly ecstatic Beako and Meili. Naoko looked over at the number of people whom her father was getting hugs from and, though some deep part of her was slightly jealous, she felt an overwhelming tingle of happiness befall her. It was as if they were all a happy, big family.
Fortuna and Naoko had seen the facades of everyone in this room day in and day out. Crusch, for example, played the masterful duchess and refined member of the Karsten Household despite still having no recollection of her past memories of being such a person raised and fitted that way.
And yet, even Crusch here seemed to have a bright, almost uncharacteristic smile.
It seemed by his mere presence he made everything feel different. The man wearing a dark tracksuit could sure brighten up the room. Their dad truly was amazing, huh?
The gravestone was still intact and doing well for itself, commented Emilia as she looked upon the simultaneously polished and cracked surface of the etched stone.
She couldn't help but realize, however, that the stone would never change just like how Natsuki Subaru would never grow old. That fact saddened her.
She read the words etched onto it once more...
Here Lies Natsuki Subaru
Knight of Emilia
Hero to All
Beloved Friend to Many
It had become an almost ritualistic practice to watch and stare at the grave at least once or twice a year. It would be profoundly improper to not do so considering it not only housed the country's greatest hero but also her beloved.
Emilia kneeled in front of the grave, letting down a small but magnificently glowing orange flower to rest upon it. The flower had very few petals, but whose few petals had edges as if they were sharpened like daggers even if not as dangerous as one. It reminded her an awful lot of Subaru. His sharp and almost intimidating eyes would pierce the soul of most people…
But in truth, those very same eyes held bundles of kindness and compassion, and, though stubbornly and poorly distributed, those eyes held much forgiveness too.
But the simple phrase imprinted on the grave still made her slightly, ever so slightly angry the more she stared at it. And the flower she had gotten did not help her as it continued to remind her of the mean-kind eyes she had failed to protect despite having the power to have protected them. She read the words etched onto the stone again...
Here Lies Natsuki Subaru
Those words... a reminder of her failure to protect him despite her being so much more powerful.
Knight of Emilia
Those words... as if that was reason enough to let him die just because that is the duty of a knight to protect their lady.
Hero To All
Yet a hero who had no savior for himself.
Beloved Friend To Many
But had become a martyr to all.
The ground froze for a good few seconds, inducing permafrost around the area but not enough to cause long-lasting or significant damage of any sort. Emilia tightened her fists as if wanting to punch something, anything to vent the slight frustration. It was so very un-Emilia-like, but, in truth, she just wanted to rest...
She looked up to the sky, almost pleading to the Od that heaven did, in fact, exist. Perhaps in a few hundred years she'd pass and get to see him again. Of course, she couldn't just leave her children now and she still had a plethora of valuable lessons to teach them. One being, funnily enough, and when they were older, that kissing did, in fact, not cause babies to be produced.
But the simple idea, that little idea of heaven somewhere out there in the vast Od was enough to send shivers down her spine. Just how long would she have to wait? How much more of this dead silence in her heart would she have to go through until she could finally see him again?
Puck didn't help too much either. They had limited the terms of their contracts severely once he had returned, believing that the limitations Puck put upon her memories were far too overprotective and inappropriate. But Emilia couldn't help but want anyone to comfort her at times like this.
It was times like this that made her want to have him back, to comfort her at the very least.
Regardless, it seemed that, in the end, there was no nice and acceptable way to sugarcoat it.
For Puck, the most precious person was Emilia.
To Emilia, the most precious person was dead.
A few minutes later
After a while of honored silence, she stood back up and steadily walked to the mansion's front entrance. She couldn't mope around too long, people must be waiting for her.
And upon reaching the manner's grand entrance, she softly hit the door as to indicate her arrival.
*knock
Silence…
Confusion settled in for a few moments, but it quickly came upon her that no one was behind the door for she felt no magical presence. Not only that but the door was suspiciously unlocked as well. Walking in, the hallways were dark except for the small illuminations provided by the hanging candles and chandeliers.
"How odd," said the astute Emilia, fully expecting her children to wait in front of the entrance like they had the following years and excitedly greet their mother.
Emilia seemed to miss it a tad bit...
But a less than grandiose entrance or greeting did not bother her too much. In fact, it put her slightly at ease knowing that she could finally be all alone like this with no need for an excessive amount of maids, guards, and councilmen all bugging her and discussing politics every fleeting second.
It greatly relaxed her to hear the silence, even if at other moments she would dread it.
Slowly walking to the ballroom, however, she could hear the increasingly loud voices and footsteps of all her friends and guests. She enjoyed how lively the anniversary usually got, it was as if they were honoring Subaru in that mere aspect...
After all, Subaru wouldn't want his anniversary to be a day of silence, grief, pointless speeches, and pointless drivel. Rather he'd want it to be filled with a burdenless atmosphere and with everybody feeling protected and secure. Emilia was grateful that this mere wish was granted.
After all, it would be a profound and everlasting insult to Subaru's name had they celebrated it any other way.
Entering the room, she was met with a plethora of the mansion's guests dancing in circles with perhaps the brightest smiles she'd ever seen them carry. It made her feel intoxicatingly glad but equally as confused and lost.
"Mama! Over here!" yelled Naoko, jumping up and down next to her adopted sister Meili.
For some odd reason, Meili's smile could not dissipate either for it had extended far wider than Emilia had ever seen her's before.
"Aw, your maaaajesty! It is an honor to be once again in yer prescencceee!" weirdly shouted the clearly drunk Garfiel.
"Garf, are you sure you should be drinking so heavily!" yelled the worried Emilia. Funnily enough, it was no surprise that the rambunctious Garfiel would get too carried away with the clearly tasteful drinks.
However, nothing could have prepared her for what showed up behind him.
"Aww, Emilia-sama! Truly, this is a great day for the kingdom. REJOICE!" yelled Julius from behind, his knightly attitude, and demeanor clearly dissipated just as finely.
The Finest of Knights acting like this is an odd sight to see for sure.
"How so, Julius?"
"You won't be-believe it! Mr. Self Proclai-ah! What are you doing Garfiel!" shouted Julius as the tiger boy slapped his mouth shut.
"Suprise parties don't ruin the surprise!"
Emilia just stood there, clearly confused.
Meili and the two daughters could only stand and watch. And laugh too for a matter of fact.
"Emilia-dono, it is very pleasant to see you arrived safely. I apologize that the others already got their drinks before you could properly cheer them off," Wilhelm calmly said, walking towards the clearly dumbstruck queen alongside his grandson, who was wearing a magnificently crafted white and red suit.
"Oh and Emilia-sama," suggested Reinhard. "I suggest you probably make your speech soon before everyone… for a lack of a better word, passes out."
"Reinhardt! This is so unfair, you have a- hick - divine protection for drinking! What kinda trash is that-hick!" angrily stated Felt, bumping into the red-haired Saint.
"Or ends up as drunk as Felt-sama for example," retorted Reinhardt, pushing the Queen to make her ascent up onto the pedestal that was set up earlier.
And so Emilia gradually made her way up to the pedestal right near one of the empty tables that had been forgotten to be set up.
But she couldn't say a word once reaching the area as she stared back at the anticipating crowd. Crusch was standing there, waiting for the brilliant words of her friend; Anastasia was there, waiting for yet another cheer; Reinhardt was there, waiting for another honoring of his friend; Julius, similarly waited in anticipation as well despite being drunk on full-throttle.
The hopeful and almost admiring eyes of the people that looked back at her made Emilia feel queasy and almost inadequate to be standing up there in the first place.
Unbeknownst to the others, she had put her hands behind her back and was starting to slowly scratch them as per habit. It hurt, she knew they would. It always did but she deserved it, didn't she? However, she would have continued on with it had it not been for the most odd thing.
She thought she had seen Subaru just a bit ways near the end of the room, hiding behind a draped curtain.
Rubbing her eyes to dispel the illusion, she reopened them to see nothing but a gently swaying curtain. Oddly enough though, the pain in her wrists began to dissipate almost unnaturally. It was as if she never scratched them before and, for some odd reason, her heart and body started to feel invigorated with courage and happiness. It felt odd as if a newfound strength had been unlocked within her.
*clink
She turned around to the once empty table behind her to see a glass of wine hovering slightly above in thin air from the surface of the table. Upon rubbing her eyes in disbelief once more, she was enamered once again. She must have simply envisioned it, she concluded, considering the filled glass was now resting gently and elegantly on the table. It was waiting for her to pick it up, it seemed.
"You can do this, Emilia-ta- Emilia-sama!" shouted Reinhardy in an almost uncharacteristic remark.
The closer Emilia looked, however, she wondered if Reinhardt always had orange eyes. She blinked for a mere second before looking back at them again only to see that they had turned back into the radiating sky-blue they always had been for the Sword Saint.
"What...," she muttered.
"Stick to Big Bro's - ah! What was I going to say again?" exclaimed the drunken Felt, immediately forgetting the topic at hand as if her memory was temporarily erased just for a tad bit.
Emilia saw all the weird happenings but it seemed that she was too focused on the attention that was being given to her. They were waiting for her to speak, so she might as well, right? She couldn't help but be a tad bit nervous though, a tad bit too inadequate to truly do the job right.
And then…
"The Queen of Lugunica will have the courage to speak now," whispered a mysterious guest, almost shocking Emilia to her core.
However, as if on command she felt an extraordinarily large surge in confidence. It felt as if it had just manifested itself out of existence.
And Emilia, just Emilia, who was sick of just standing there and saying nothing, raised her voice with delight.
Years Earlier…
The abyss was still dark, still as murky and desolate as Satella once had proclaimed it to be. The place never lost its charm but similarly never lost its depravity.
"Where am I?" muttered a shivering Subaru, stuck in an endless sea of black no matter how much he prayed.
He opened his eyes and right in front of him was nothingness. It was an endless hall of black, nothing, and of darkness.
He quickly realized where he was, quickly taking note of the calming yet terrifying atmosphere of the area. It was a palace of shadows that he simultaneously loved and hated visiting.
"Of Course," muttered the trapped man, finally realizing the scope of his previous actions.
It seemed he was stuck in the Shadow Garden of that who possesses Envy.
"I did it, didn't I?" asked Subaru to himself.
"I sealed myself," laughed Subaru, his voice quickly turning into a more saddened and almost tearful whisper.
"Quite the turn of events, right Subaru?"
Darting his head towards the source of the noise, Subaru was now looking at a man who seemed to have also gained access to the decrepit Garden.
He had a mean-eyed face, a fake and almost insulting smile, slicked black hair, and an annoying as hell voice according to Subaru.
The man was the spitting image of Subaru and yet anyone could tell the immense difference in attitude and atmosphere he gave.
"Heh, if only I knew Envy would be this annoying," snickered the beaten young man named Subaru, clearly understanding the situation.
"So what, I sit here now? Having to listen to you for all eternity just because?" the same young man snarled, clearly irritated by the truth.
"Very much so, but aren't you just saying that you are annoying considering I'm you?"
"Blah, blah, blah…"
…..
….
…
..
.
The conversation went nowhere, it seemed that only silence followed suit as the two sat in complete isolation surrounded by the neverending black. Though Subaru just started to hate the emptiness, it seemed his counterpart felt a great tinge of annoyance for having to stay any longer in the Garden.
"Hey, Envy?"
"Yes, idiot?"
"Hey! Don't call me that!" proclaimed the agitated Subaru.
"Fine, stupid," his other self snickered as if having gotten away with the funniest of jokes.
"Oh, you!"
Subaru raised his hand as if wanting to punch the living crap of his other self for that responce.
After all, it wasn't an everyday thing to see something like this going on.
But just before doing so…
"What did you want to ask?"
Subaru slowly lowered his fist clearly understanding that for this once it seemed that his counterpart was actually being reasonable.
"Can we see them?"
"Those who deserve our love?"
"Those that made us deserve love."
"Hmm. We can if you answer one question for me," retorted his envious counterpart, clearly hiding a smirk behind that nasty face of his.
Subaru scoffed, not wanting to be scammed by anyone especially not himself!
"What is it?"
An assortment of questions flashed in Subaru's mind. Perhaps his counterpart would ask how to break the seal, why Subaru decided to do so in the first place, why they couldn't just enjoy the world and destroy it all the same, or anything of the sort. And yet, he was surprised by the words that came out of his impersonator's mouth.
"Are you envious of them anymore?"
Subaru's eyebrows furled in confusion by the extremely open-ended question. But it became increasingly apparent of the true question lurking behind Envy's words.
"No, but I was," answered the real Subaru, looking back in the other direction at the endless sea of despair. And yet, all that flashed in his mind was determination and a slight tinge of hope.
It shocked Envy to see such a display of courage and stupidity. Satella had shown no such thing before so why him? Why was a lesser being showing such… strength?
"I WAS envious of their strength, their powers, their skills, their lives, their everything. Reinhardt was blessed with powers that even he is yet to truly understand the scope of. That is just how much power he has. If I had that power, I could have saved so, so many more.
Envy's ears perked, almost as if listening in deeply rooted fascination and wonder. Just what could his host be getting at exactly?
"I was envious of Beako and Roswaal because their magical prowess always seemed to demean my efforts. I never showed it, but it made me slightly mad. I was mad at how my sweet little Beako would always praise me even though she could always be significantly more useful in battle."
Aren't you just admitting your envious nature, Envy thought. How much of a dimwit could this guy be?
"I was envious of Crusch and Anastasia and, heck, even Priscilla cause they always had their goals in arms reach or already envisioned. Even with Crusch's memories erased, she still held that same goal of bettering people and helping just because. I was jelous of their direction and sense of purpose."
So he was even irritating but those slight differences too? What a grand specimen, concluded Envy.
"I was envious of Garfiel for his strength at such a young age too; at Otto for his smarts and management; Ram for her calmness and skill; Julius for his composure; Vincent for his pride and persuasion; even Echidna for her intelligence and knowledge."
"And even Emilia-tan had my envy. Her clear goals, her crystal heart that never stopped spilling out into the world, and just couldn't stop giving..."
"So then why?"
"Why?"
"Why are you NOT ENVIOUS!" shouted his counterpart. Right behind his impersonator, black hands and tendrils crawled from the depths of the Garden threatening the life of Subaru despite being dead already.
"Because I know what their reaction will be once I'm gone," explained Subaru, looking his counterpart dead set in the eyes.
"Huh?"
"I'm dead, you know. I may have sealed myself but Return by Death comes with a price when it is deactivated. So the state of my body is most definitely that of a corpse, stupid."
Envy recoiled at the insult.
"And why would I be jealous of a bunch of people, my allies and loved ones, who just lost their friend!?" proclaimed Subaru, now standing up against the thousands of black hands floating freely in the abyssal plain that was the Garden.
"Satella was right about it from the start, she knew that I'd eventually get this factor one way or another. She wanted me to love myself because she genuinely wanted to, but I'm certain she must have wanted me to do so also for this very purpose..."
"What are you talking about, you pathetic wrench!"
"Pathetic? Who are you calling pathetic, yourself? After all, we're the same exact person ain't we?" retorted back Subaru with Envy's own remark.
The black hands tightened in their grip, their fists ready to launch any second now.
"I don't envy them. Not one bit. I'm aware of the disgusting creature I've become because of that stupid ability of mine, but I'm damn proud of the fact that I could save them nonetheless! I've saved them countless times, and I'm aware of the sacrifice I've made here. I'm aware of the terrible consequences. I'm aware I'll never get to spend the rest of my time with Emilia-tan and Beako. That answer your question!"
The dark hands prepared to go full-throttle towards the Sage Canidate. However, just right before hitting the frail and weak man, they quickly dissipated into a cloud of dark dust right before getting in actual contact with the man.
And to Subaru's shock, his counterpart merely sat and balled up on the floor as if saddened by his answer. Perhaps it was the first time that they had experienced such a different holder of sin?
…..
….
…
..
.
"How... idiotic," muttered Envy.
And the Garden's darkness seemed to slowly dissipate to reveal a gracious chapel. No sound bounced from the walls, its silent chambers presenting an important event...
"Is this…"
"The funeral."
Subaru's eyes moved back to witness the event.
Emilia, wearing a white and purple dress, slowly walked onto the front of the chapel. It seemed that all attendees were giving their undivided attention to her as expected considering the candidate's close connection with the funeral's subject matter.
She seemed hesitant, terrified of the reality faced before her. Her one and only knight was dead and his sweet, kind eyes would never gaze the like of hers ever again. It took all of her elven strength to try and hold back the tears the best she could but to no avail as a plethora slipped by immediately.
The other attendees at the funeral could do nothing but offer their condolences and hold their silence in respect of the newly crowned Queen's deceased husband and their kind and beloved friend.
The chapel's white interior echoed and vibrated with each sob and whimper. It didn't take long before Subaru, who was viewing the entire matter in the Shadow Garden, started to slip a few tears as well.
"You can do this, Emilia-tan," he encouraged from beyond the grave.
Little did he know just how much stronger Emilia was in this moment than any other…
While standing in front of her audience, in that barren and depressive chapel, Emilia clenched her fists and steeled her voice.
"I first met Subaru when the bowel-hunter was trying to steal my insignia. He showed remarkable courage and, at first… I thought perhaps he was trying to get a quick reward. There was no way he'd do something just because it was a good thing to do, much less for a half-elf like me."
"But Subaru's kindness expands farther than one side of the great waterfall is to the other. In the end, talking about him more ends up being a difficult task. There is too much to put into words. And despite all his heroics and accomplishments, Subaru was just Subaru. He was kind, compassionate, and there was no end to how much love we had for him regardless of whether he realized its colossal size."
Emilia looked up towards the crowd, scared of whether or not she truly had the courage to continue. She wanted to end the speech right then and there, to walk away and sulk in the newly acquired room in the palace. However, she could not let his death stand like this... it just didn't seem right. And so she got a spectacular idea.
"As my first decree as Queen, I establish that all members in this room meet once a year at the Mather's Mansion to honor his memory. I want you all, my allies and friends, to know that I'm not going to let him go out like this!"
"He will NOT be forgotten! He can be written as the greatest sage in history, the slayer of the white whale, or the silhouette of Vollachia, but I refuse to let Subaru be forgotten as the kind hearted and loving man that he was," exclaimed Emilia, tightly grasping her hands in anticipation of the other's reaction.
And though the chapel was filled with an immediate silent mood and static, a singular person stood up to commend Emilia's efforts and decree.
And another did so as well, and another, and another until the whole chapel was filled with the allies of Subaru all standing with their heads towards the Queen. Their hands were on their hearts as if swearing an oath to keep the Queen's decree, or perhaps even swearing an oath to the friend they believed they had failed.
No clap of applause commenced, no salute or bow, and no cheering occurred but it was clear that the impact was greater than anyone could have anticipated.
In the Shadow Garden, Envy snickered as if mocking the speech. He was met with great shock and confusion when he turned towards his host to see a spectacular expression imprinted on his face. Envy had never seen a person with so much... so much... bravery? No, this had to be a hoax. Envy stared at his host's face once more, perplexed.
Subaru, having witnessed it all, was happy and proud and his genuine smile proved it.
Years Later… Present Day
"Even though all this time, I can't believe that I've made so many friends and allies who are now all standing in front of me. All of this was because of one person who I know you all are probably already thinking about," Emilia preached, staring at the onlooking crowd in front of her.
It was quite odd though, they usually wore frowns and saddened expressions every time a speech regarding him was mentioned. It was different, somewhat cathartic in fact, to see them all truly happy and smiling. That simple detail made her want to continue further. Her heart piece by piece felt like it was starting to thaw.
"This person was the most important to me in the whole, wide world. All those times I got hurt and all that crying I did was all worth it in the end for that dunderhead would always encourage me and push me on because that's just what he liked to do."
Emilia's eyebrows furled as she recalled a few memories. A flower field, the snow festival, losing him...
"When we traveled to the tower and he got transported to Vollachia, it was rough. It was so painful, so scary. It hurt so, so much to think of the slight possibility that he might not make it. I had read all about Vollachia, that cruel and merciless country. He pushed me to break boundaries I never thought existed and yet with him gone it felt like I was stuck within one once again."
That same rushing feeling entered her body once more, that feeling of courage and unnatural assurance. To her, it felt oddly like Subaru's Cor Leonis but that couldn't be true…
"It's true. I've never honestly tried so hard at anything until I saw that what I loved had been taken away from me, from all of us. I was so desperate to get him back. I was scared… So very scared! I didn't want those mean, kind eyes to vanish. I didn't want those pained expressions to ever look at me again! I wanted him to be safe."
Emilia had let the torrent of thoughts pour out of her mouth. She realized that she was too; she had to regain her composure. After all, the Queen can't be acting like this.
"And yet, even with that fear, I couldn't protect him or be there when he must have needed me the most. I was so clingy to the ideas of a promise that I had failed to keep my own, that vow to protect him no matter the cost. But today, I commend you all for being here to help ease this chronic pain and celebrate all that he stood for. A hero, an ally, a friend, and a role model for generations to come. Today, I raise this glass."
The rest raised their glass too, the reflections filling the room in a sea of light and distortion.
"To the friend who saved us, my husband…"
She heard light footsteps behind her.
"Natsuki Subaru"
And Emilia turned around to face the mysterious man she swore she must have heard earlier…
To come face to face with the man she'd sworn had died that fateful, sad day.
The cold, dimly lit balcony brushed his hair with a chilling but gentle blow.
The lovers were grasping on the railing, one of them looking down below as if not wanting to accept the person in next to her.
But the mere sight of him, even when he first appeared, was almost angelic. Emilia could not hide her shock and confusion from the crowd anymore as she slowly poked his face to make sure he was actually real and she wasn't making a fool out of herself through a hallucination.
As his soft and gentle skin made contact with her finger, she immediately recoiled backward almost knocking the pedestal down.
But here out on the balcony, she felt different than her once confused and shocked self. She felt a sense of relief and of immediate terror.
Why was Subaru here?
Don't tell me he was alive the entire time?
Where was he if that was the case?
Does he hate me?
Does Subaru hate me, that I couldn't protect him?
The half-elf slowly turned to her left to see the body of the man she thought had died years ago. She recoiled back once more, not wanting to accept the matter of things.
Subaru, a bit upset by the lack of reaction, simply walked over to put a hand on her back. It had resulted in an immediate yelp from the half-elf, not prepared to actually feel the sense of touch from a ghost. However, that conclusion... that fog that shrouded her mind was beginning to lift.
"Don't worry Emilia-tan, I'm not going anywhere too soon."
She relished in his touch, afraid that it would disappear once more. She grasped his tracksuit, making sure he couldn't get away either way.
"I heard from the girls… they look just like their mother."
'Making light conversation... just like Subaru,' she thought.
"I thought it was the only way, and it might still be. I see now, how much its hurt you. There doesn't go a day, or night, that I don't delve into the millions of ways I could have avoided what happened."
Emilia's eyes curved to his chest, stunned by how large his heart was to start blaming the situation on himself instead of those who truly failed him.
'Subaru, I'm so sorry for how much I hurt you,' she thought.
But as a few seconds passed, she realized the meaning behind his words and the mysterious culprit that played some part in his apparent disappearance and death.
"Envy…"
.
.
.
"Yeah, Envy…I just… I wish-huh!"
Slowly being embraced into a warm hug, Emilia pushed her ears against him as if simultaneously trying to look away but be as close to him as possible.
Emilia could not let Subaru blame himself for something so complex and convoluted. Emilia, yet for another reason, merely wanted to satisfy her curiosity as well.
But despite her shivers and all her quivering, scared that the one she held so tightly might just disappear all of a sudden, she recognized something truly odd.
His heartbeat.
The steady, energetic heartbeat that Subaru once held was replaced with a stoic, empty beat. It was as if his heart did not exist at all, as if it had been crushed to bits and pieces and only an empty cavity existed. He had become the living embodiment of Emilia's fears, he was still what she believed he was. A walking ghost. A corpse.
"Su-Subaru, you can't stay with us normally, c-can you?"
"I-"
Subaru looked down towards his chest to see the piercing eyes of the half-elf, pleading that the reality wasn't true and that he could stay for as long as she'd want. However, the sad fact was slowly revealing itself to Emilia, but it was not that he couldn't just stay with them. There was something else that Emilia had seen in the deep recesses of Subaru's gaze that truly shook her to her core.
It came as great pain to Subaru too, a harsh resounding pain, that the reality was one in which he had...
Accepted it.
He was dead. His soul was sealed away for eternity and, even if broken, would merely pass on to the afterlife immediately after just like Satella had once released.
But for all of Subaru's horrid thoughts and fears in that reality, that after all of this work he'd only spend this minute time with them… he felt an odd bundle of feelings echo in his chest despite his heart being so clearly absent from his body. However, the most resounding feeling that reverberated within was... bliss.
Bliss was almost akin to happiness but why would he ever feel such a feeling in a moment like this? Had he truly gone insane, too far into the depths of his mind?
No, it was because he saw an opportunity. An opportunity to fix everything.
"I can't"
Emilia's eyes shuttered as if they were window cills being continuously opened and closed. Once a light of hope shone brightly through, and now it was the darkness beginning to creep once more. To her surprise, however, the darkness began to lighten up once more. It seemed Subaru was to work his magic once more.
"Giving up isn't easy, Emilia-tan. This time we have together won't last. Our daughters know it, the others know it, I know it."
And Subaru's eyes interlocked with hers once again, his almond-shaped eyes gazing into the thawing crystals in her eyes.
"I want you to realize this time we have here will be gone sooner or later. But I'm not saying to give up. I'm saying to fight for what I stand here for. This limited time, Emilia-tan. It's precious and nothing will ever be able to replace it."
Then, without letting his envy grasp the situation and pull him into the abyss, Subaru began to preach to Emilia an epiphany.
"Don't you see, Emilia-tan? Because I can, after so long in that seal and after hearing your voice once more…"
Emilia looked on at him with confused eyes, her eyes directed and followed his gaze.
"Just, can't you see how beautiful all the is, this world? The moon up above us shines ever so brightly, but it too will be replaced by the sun sooner or later tomorrow. The stars, as everlasting and as stunningly beautiful as they are, will pass. Even the star that I was named after isn't there anymore."
Emilia's eyes gazed up above to witness the thousands of floating, sparkling angels that, though rumored to be everlasting, twinkled and occasionally disappeared from sight.
If these angelic, bright figures in the sky were temporary then what did that say about everything else? That they were specks compared to the world?
Subaru then touched her face, directing her gaze below to their interlocked hands.
"And these hands, this life Emilia-tan will fade as time goes."
"I don-"
"Emilia-tan..."
"I don't… I don't want… I don-"
"You need to let-"
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
Subaru's eyes felt a momentary shock but were soon over-encompassed by an unnatural calmness. He could not let this opportunity fade away, not while he was here and she was in this state. Emilia had been living her entire life like this, regardless of all the development, she went through her life just like this. She was still horrified by change and the uncertainty that plagued the world.
So the half-elf pleaded for him to stop, to defy reality like he always did, and just stay.
"I do-don't want... to forget you. I can't move on, you've made me… me!"
"You can remember me, Emilia-tan. But I can't sugarcoat it, not anymore. This life is all we and you get to experience, so it must be the only thing that matters right now. This world doesn't give us purpose, I don't give you purpose. And if the world doesn't give us purpose, then certainly something else must."
Emilia's eyes departed from his face to look at the granite floor below them, almost wishing that the conversation was over and that she could simply just relish in Subaru's return. And yet despite that, she knew what he was trying to get at. When Subaru had died, she believed her purpose in the world had disappeared, been replaced with nothing but a void of nothingness. But Subaru believed otherwise it seemed and she was conflicted about who to believe in.
'Subaru couldn't be wrong,' she thought.
'But how could he be right,' she questioned.
"Look behind you, Emilia-tan," demanded Subaru, as if having read her mind and had found the wisest of answers.
Emilia hesitantly let go of the embrace and turned her head to see the bright lights embedded inside the mansion.
Crusch, Felix, and Wilhelm were enjoying their reunion over a sip of wine. It had been a while since the old Crusch camp were all together in one place.
Julius and Garfiel were dancing with each other while both were hilariously drunk. Garfiel was living life while Julius was having his knightly honor shattered.
Otto was trying to flirt with Frederica despite failing and succeeding at the same time.
Petra was playing and teasing Meili.
And even Anastasia was enjoying herself, her mind free from the chaos of her business.
Priscilla too seemed to have appeared, inserting herself into everything but carried a slightly more gentle mood than usual.
Rem and Ram were happily discussing with each other, a sisterly bond very much apparent in the air.
Reinhardt was smiling ever so brightly, for he had given Felt a fruit to bypass the effects of her drunkenness. He seemed to smile even brighter when he got down on his knees and pulled out a little black box from underneath his knightly attire. Felt, having seen it and been anticipating it the entire night, jumped at him and hugged him so tight that it might have even hurt the Saint.
And Naoko and Fortuna were happily chasing around the room with Beatrice in a game of freeze tag that Subaru had introduced years prior to the adorable spirit before the trio stopped to applaud Reinhardt's guts.
"The bright room in front of you is the present, you've made this."
"But you're the one who saved us! The White Whale, Sloth, Greed, Vollachia, Lust, Kararagi, The Cult, everything!"
"And yet for the past 10 years, I haven't been here and the room still glistens with laughter and joy. All of our friends and family came too regardless of whether they knew I'd be here or not, Emilia-tan. You've maintained this. In front of you isn't the past. But this isn't mine either."
Emilia's eyes lost their crystalline stare, that glistening queen-like gaze that commanded loyalty and beauty. Emilia hung onto Subaru but fell onto her knees, bawling. Her eyes puffed an enormous red, her ears shivering as if they were in weather that not even the Queen of Ice could handle.
And yet, the facade once plastered onto her face was changing into something ever so different. Her cheeks quivered, her jaw was sore, and a smile was slowly forming.
"Emilia-tan, in front of you… is the present. It isn't perfect, never was, never will. But it's all you got, it's all I got. Every day I wonder if I could have done better. If I could have been a better father. I could have been a better knight too, a better husband, a better friend, a better ally, a better anybody. I could've been smarter, stronger, or anything else. But if I was, who is to say that what's right in front of us would exist?"
Subaru pointed inside the room, wanting her attention to be fully focused on the people in the room. And she wondered as Subaru made his suggestion.
Emilia looked deep within herself. Had she been stronger or had she done anything different than what had already happened, would the future in front of them exist? Would such a future truly be better than the one in front of her?
She thought about that, unjustly coming to the conclusion that had she done stuff differently, then maybe the future too would have been better.
But something within Subaru's words unlocked a thought in Emilia. She looked within the lighted, shining quarters that housed all her guests... Guests who were having a fine time. Who were not worried about the horrid atrocities of the witch cult or the terrible acts committed by the Witches long past.
Perhaps the present was as good as it could get and there was solace in that.
"There is solace in that, Emilia-tan."
Emilia looked back at Subaru, his mean and kind eyes reflecting a scared and ambivalent half-elf. And yet the more she gazed at his eyes, she could see the half elf's expression slowly fade into one of gratefulness.
Subaru, having been subject only to a few seconds of staring into her gorgeous eyes, recognized that the opportunity he saw was passing. He had done it, they had done it.
"You Did It"
And as their lips got closer into contact, a thought engulfed his mind.
Perhaps now he'd have a gentle rest. Perhaps now he'd leave the world knowing the hands he's left it in were now stable and unshaken by uncertainty.
He knew he wouldn't be able to fix all of their problems, but he knew they were much closer now.
Naoko and Fortuna looked on at their parent's close moment, glad their mother had finally adopted a genuine, angelic smile that had recessed so long ago.
Naoko had seen her dreams become a reality, and Fortuna had seen her prayers come to fruition.
Not that their father had appeared...
But that their mother was happy.
"Betty will miss you again, I suppose. But make sure you visit next time or else Betty will drown you in hugs, in fact!"
"Ha! I don't get a million hugs either way? What a bummer!"
"Don't tease Betty like that, I suppose!"
Subaru chuckled at his adorable Beako. She never lost her charm, did she? And he was sure to keep that promise if need be.
"Ha... It's fine, Beako."
"I'll be sure to clean the room too, I suppose."
The dusty, very dusty atmosphere of the room bothered him greatly, but it brought upon a nostalgic feeling nonetheless. Years of hard work, of sleeping on the comfy yet hard bed were all worth it in the end when he saw the labors of his work yesterday night.
It was truly cathartic to see the fruits of his labor in person instead of inside some nasty, abyssal plain that was the Garden.
He walked towards the middle of the room, only to be stopped by a little hand pinching on his tracksuit.
"I have to go, Beako. Trust me."
"It's orange. Just like the flowers in my dream," whispered a little voice, different than his Beako.
He turned around to see the fluffy, bright brown hair of his daughter, with his other daughter right behind her in close proximity.
"They are? They must be wonderful dreams."
Fortuna then stepped in.
"Sis always tells me about them. She says she always felt sad in them until a silhouette showed up," remarked the saddened girl.
"And mommy seems so happy with you around too," remarked Naoko, continuing off of Fortuna's statement.
Subaru stared at their adorable eyes and couldn't help but be saddened by their remarks.
Subaru understood their intent but knew it was his time to go.
"Girls, I can't stay. I- I really wish I could."
"Why… Why not?" tearfully asked Naoko.
"I can't explain it, but I love you. You know, I saw how excited you were when you saw Garf and Otto a few days back."
"You did!?" exclaimed Naoko, wondering whether or not their Father could truly stay with them.
"Yes, I did." chuckled Subaru, remembering the head concussion Otto must have endured when the daughters bumped into his poor, old body.
"I just want you to know… Just like how I saw your excitement that day, that I'll always be with you. I will cheer you on, no matter how tough the time or hard the challenge. You two make even the cloudiest of days bright in the end," answered back the tracksuit-wearing man, giving the two in front of him delightful head pats.
.
.
.
.
"Dad," Meili mentioned in the back of the room, noticing a trail of smoke emanating from Subaru.
"Yeah?"
"You're vanishing!" exclaimed Meili, scared that something might be happening to him.
Looking down at his body, he saw mist-like purple smoke emanating from his body. It seemed like his time had come.
He looked up in front of him to have one last glance at his family.
Meili seemed worried, but it was clear that she too understood the meaning of the smoke. Her purple hair was beautiful and her eyes proclaimed an immense phrase of gratefulness towards Subaru.
Beatrice pouted and partook in a melancholic gaze as she looked at her contractor's disappearing body. She felt the invisible contract that they once made gradually disappear again as it had long ago.
Naoko looked at Subaru with immense admiration and appreciation, realizing that the silhouette of her dreams was the man himself. Perhaps she'd be able to see him in those dreams once more.
And Fortuna gazed at the brave and mysterious figure that was her father. Just how could he do so many great things in such a short amount of time? It seemed that, unknown to Fortuna herself, she'd found a perfect role model.
Subaru couldn't be happier.
"All you guys, come in," said a smiling Subaru.
From Beako to Meili, from Naoko to Fortuna came towards Subaru to give him one large family group hug.
Subaru then whispered something so very faint into Fortuna's ears that even the others, who were in close contact, couldn't even hear. Perhaps it was simply a heartfelt goodbye? It didn't matter… what mattered right now was to give him a delightful goodbye.
And they remained in silence until his final whispers were spoken and nothing but a dusty room with four girls remained.
It remained silent for a while longer, all of them giving their honorary respects and goodbyes to the man who had changed their lives in the span of only a day more or less.
Beako for finally accepting that there was no they and now glad to accept others.
Meili for finally accepting that her father would, in fact, be proud of her.
Naoko for accepting that their father would always encourage them even if beyond the grave.
Fortuna for accepting that he had to go but loved them nonetheless.
And the door creaked one last time, presenting a majestical half-elf.
"He's gone now, isn't he?" asked the queen, wanting to slowly retreat back to her facade.
"No, he's not," answered Fortuna, who walked with a great stride and purpose towards her mother. It seemed as if it was now her job to end her mother's depreciation.
Fortuna looked up to the depressive eyes of her mother and, though hurt, reached into one of the pockets sewn onto her attire. And it was there that she pulled out a black box with orange engravings and an almost ancient feel to it.
Emilia's pale hands grasped the box slowly from Fortuna's hands, almost perplexed by its presence. She opened it to bear witness to the most beautiful object she'd ever seen.
It was Subaru's ring, a ring that glistened and shined almost as brightly as Subaru.
Emilia looked upon it for a while, fully knowledgeable of its message.
Subaru would always be there for her, throughout all the tribulations and sadness. He'd always be with her even in his death.
No, that was incorrect.
Emilia closed the box to look at those in front of her.
And as those in the room engulfed Emilia in love and hugs, she realized that Subaru struck yet another chord in her and implanted yet another lesson that'd last for the ages.
A lesson that…
Her family would always be there for her too.
Outside on the great tombstone was a simple engraving, one that meant the world to some and the universe to others. It was no unknown matter that the person buried there held a magnificent place in the world.
'Here Lies Natsuki Subaru' read the tombstone.
And despite that one engraving implying that the end of the person's life had already commenced, it was still far from the actual truth. In an unknown garden still housed the peaceful soul named Natsuki Subaru... and the wretched, envious soul of a certain witch factor.
"I hate you…"
.
.
.
"The irony, I wonder why."
"People adore you, they cherish you, you…"
"I'm everything you wished you wanted?"
"You're everything…to them, to the world"
"You still can't accept it, can you? The world doesn't run off on us, get it? It's up to them now."
"They'll be sad once more. Why don't we just find someone to free us, surely someone will be more than willing!"
"I'm sure someone, somewhere would. But as of now, I'll sit back and watch them live. I'll cheer them on when a challenge comes and tease them when they make a mistake."
"But-"
"No Buts! Man, if this is what being a father is like then… I guess I'd actually kinda enjoy it. Funny… that's kinda ironic in this situation, isn't it?"
"You're not taking me seriously," furiously stated the envious man behind him.
"Satella may have taken you seriously, but don't mix me in with her. She's something in her own league... I'm just here."
.
.
.
"When will you see them again?"
"Whenever they need me."
"..."
"..."
"Natsuki Subaru?"
"Hm?"
"The Od will not see someone like you for generations to come, perhaps ever. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a host as odd as you either."
Subaru looked back towards the spitting image of himself, who too stared back at him. However, it seemed like the pure embodiment of envy in front of him held no sense of hostility or violence towards him.
"Why is that?"
Envy's eyes looked onwards towards his host.
"I envy you."
Author's Note:
Cut me some slack, I tried to make it a good chapter! Honestly, I have no idea if I even delivered with this one. After all, how do you end a story in a satisfying manner?
Also, I'd just like to explain my perception of the ending here so that people understand what I was going for.
This was what I thought was the most satisfactory way to end a story like this because I wanted to show the difference in Subaru's ideology from who we know him to be and how he is in this story. Even in the canon, Subaru is portrayed as a person who would do anything to protect those he cares for to the point where even the dreadful cost of Return by Death occasionally blurs on him as long as the pain is eventually warranted. However, I want the ending of my story to communicate the fact that he no longer feels that itch. He's still willing to protect his family, don't get me wrong, but he's accepted and realized that the true status and change that has to come can't sprout from him nor did it ever need to. It gives the people of Re: Zero, like Garfiel or Julius, a sense of hope to see that, even without the legendary accompaniment of Subaru, the world will turn out just fine given their hard work and acknowledgment of the present.
I'm Yorelis, signing out. Thanks for reading.
