Author note:
I know many of you have been asking for this. I hope it meets your expectations.
CH 49-Trust and Commitment
Emma and Clay were sitting on the couch at the house watching a movie. He noticed that she kept getting texts and wondered what was up.
"Anything wrong Em?"
"Nope. Just Hannah and Jeni. We're finalizing our plans for Spring Break."
"You guys are still planning on doing that?"
"Yep. This will be our last one together before we graduate, and we want to do something fun."
"I get that. But…do you think it's a good idea?"
She paused the movie and put down her phone. "What do you mean?"
"The three of you by yourselves."
This conversation was sounding eerily familiar to her. In fact, it was almost a repeat of the one that she had with her dad a couple days ago.
She took a deep breath. "Clay, did you and my dad talk about this?"
He didn't answer right away.
"Tell me. Did Dad ask you to try and convince me not to go?"
Clay could tell by the tone of her voice and her body language that she was upset.
"He, well, he brought it up and asked if I knew. Then, we both had concerns…" He could see he was backing himself into a corner.
Emma moved away from him to the other end of the couch.
"So, you agreed to try and talk me out of it?" Her volume was increasing.
He reached a hand out to her and she dodged him. Damn it! She was getting angrier.
"I thought we all agree to keep your relationship with Dad and our relationship separate."
He nodded. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"But you talked to him about this anyway?"
"Yes," he answered softly.
"Did you two come to any conclusions? What was your 'Plan B' if I didn't agree?"
"Em, it wasn't like that…"
"How was it Clay? When did you and dad figure you'd tell me about your conversation?"
Clay lowered his eyes and stayed quiet. The light dawned and Emma began to silently weep.
"You weren't going to tell me, were you?"
She stood up. "I think I need to be alone now."
"Honey, please, don't."
"Clay, you were going to keep something from me. You didn't trust me enough to just talk to me."
Shit! He'd really upset her. "Em, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
She turned her back to him and her shoulder shook. He didn't know what to do. He was so mad at himself that he'd done this.
"Ok honey. I'll go. I really am sorry. I love you Emma."
She heard the door close and she fell on the couch sobbing. Why hadn't he trusted her? Did her see her as a little girl that had to be manipulated? She had thought he saw them as equals. She couldn't deal with it right now. Emma climbed the stairs and went to bed.
Clay got back home and wanted to punch something. How could he have done the one thing he swore he'd never do, hurt her?
Neither of them slept well. Emma awoke to several texts and missed calls from Clay. She didn't actually plan to give him the silent treatment. She just needed a little time. She didn't want to say anything she'd regret.
Emma struggled through two days of school, and Clay stumbled through training and drills. Jason wondered what was going on, but he didn't ask any questions. Emma came home from school and went straight to her room. This was the longest time they had gone without speaking when he wasn't on an OP.
Next time when Clay called, she answered. She knew that they had to talk through this. The team could get spun up at any time and they couldn't let this fester.
"Hello."
"Hey Em. How are you?"
"Okay, I guess."
"Sweetheart, I am so sorry," he began.
"Clay, we need to talk. But I don't want to do it over the phone."
His heart sank. No conversation that started that way ever ended well. God, he really hoped that she wasn't going to walk away, that he hadn't broken her trust irreparably.
"You're right Em. Do you want me to come there?"
"No. I'll come there. I don't want to be interrupted."
Clay paced back and forth the entire time it took Emma to drive to the apartment. She unlocked the door and quietly walked in.
"Hey Em." He reached for her but pulled back. She reached out for him instead. As she laid her head on his chest, he breathed for what felt like the first time in the last 48 hours.
They sat on the sofa facing each other. "What the hell Clay?"
"I don't know honey. Jason brought up a conversation he'd had with you and…"
She huffed out a breath.
"I'm not blaming Jace, I'm the one that agreed to try and change your mind."
"Let's start there. Why don't you want me to go?"
"I'm worried about you. About what could happen to you."
"What do you mean?"
"There are all kinds of stories of what happens down at Spring Break. Especially to young women alone."
"Don't you trust me?"
He reached for her hand. "Of course, I do. I just…"
"What?"
"I can't…I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. Especially if I could stop it."
She raised an eyebrow at him. He knew he was being a hypocrite. She sent him off all the time trusting that he would come back to her.
"I'm not as strong as you Em. I can't just sit around wondering if you are okay."
Now they were getting somewhere.
"Clay, nothing is going to happen to me."
"It already did babe. Right here, here at home."
The mugging. This was connected to the mugging.
"I couldn't do anything then, but…"
He was still feeling guilty about not being with her when she was attacked. Much of her anger melted away.
"Oh honey!"
They sat quietly, holding each other. Now his concern and reticence to tell her made sense. She was ready to forgive him for that. But there was still the issue of trust.
"Clay, I need to know that you will tell me truth, always."
"Emma," he reached out and held her face in his hands. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Honey, I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust."
"I trust you babe. I do, more than anyone. I just need you to trust me."
"I'm not sure what you mean?"
"After Pakistan you shared your feelings with me. You talked to me about the guilt you were feeling, and we worked through it, together. We have to do that with everything."
He nodded. "I know."
"I know it's hard for you. You're used to pushing away fear, not acknowledging it."
"Yea…I guess it's easier to fall back on my training instead of dealing with it. But…I'll try Em. I will honestly try."
"That's all I need."
"God Em. I was so afraid that you were going to leave. Baby, I don't think I could make it without you."
"I was upset. But I would never leave you Clay. I love you."
Their lips came together, and she opened to him. As he tasted her, he felt her tongue stroke his and he was filled with such a sense of gratitude and relief. He knew he'd fucked up royally. When he thought of trying to navigate life without her, trying to shape a future without her, he couldn't breathe.
"Oh Emmie!" He crushed her to him, burying his face in her neck. They were both trembling.
"I love you so much Em." He pressed kisses to her forehead and cheeks.
"I love you. And I'm sorry too babe."
"Sorry?" He looked confused. "Sorry for what?"
"I'm sorry for pushing you away the past couple days. I'm sorry I made you question how I feel about you." She was crying now.
"Em, it's fine. It was my…"
She interrupted him. "No, we're both in this relationship." She took a deep breath. "When I think that you could have gotten spun up and that this could have been the last thing to happen between us…"
She couldn't continue. "I don't ever want you to leave without being sure of how much I love and need you."
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him in desperation. Clay stroked her hair and rubbed up and down her back.
"Can you stay tonight Em," he asked as he held her against his chest.
She nodded. "Yea. I brought my school stuff with me. I just need to let Dad know."
"Good." He kissed her head. He wanted to hold her all night. He needed to be with her and show her how much he loved her.
She pulled out her phone and texted her dad. As soon as she was finished, Clay took her in his arms and stood up, easily lifting her. Walking into the bedroom, he laid down on the bed with her next to him. He looked into her eyes and marveled at the blessing that she was in his life.
No words were needed between them. They were of the same mind and same heart. They needed to be one body as well.
He slanted his lips over hers and toyed with her tongue, sucking it into his mouth. She pressed against him and moaned low in her throat. Clay kissed across her jaw, down her neck to the curve of her breasts that showed over the neckline of her top. She could feel his tongue swirling over her skin. Emma hugged him to her, trying to get closer.
Clay pulled back and they moved as one, removing each other's clothes. Emma's hands slipped the buttons of this shirt free and pushed it back off his shoulders. She raised her arms as he pulled her sweater over her head and then reached behind her to remove her bra. As he sat up to toss her clothing on the floor, he finished taking off his shirt.
Emma was once again in awe of Clay's body. The definition of his muscles from his pelvis, to his abs and chest, and his shoulders and arms was mesmerizing. She wanted to devour him. Before he could reach for her, she kissed across his stomach up to his chest, biting his nipples gently.
He sucked in a sharp breath and tugged gently on her. "Emmie, Jesus. Come 'ere."
She slid up his body and he bent to take her into his mouth. Sucking and licking her nipples until they were hardened peaks.
"Emma, your breasts are so beautiful and delicious baby."
Her hips popped and she grasped his shoulders. She could feel him pushing down her leggings and panties. Kicking off her shoes she lifted her hips so he could finish undressing her. He quickly stood and pushed off his pants and boxers and stepped out of his boots.
Laying back down on the bed, he covered her body with his. He balanced over her and took her mouth. She wrapped her legs around him, and he could feel her, already hot and wet for him. He pressed into her slowly.
At first, neither moved. They simply laid together, savoring the sensation of him being so deep inside her. Then he began to move in shallow thrusts, never completely leaving her. Emma rocked her hips in response.
Her breathing became rapid as her pleasure built. She clutched at his ass, trying to pull him deeper.
"Clay, Clay." She chanted his name. He moved within her, faster and deeper as she squeezed her muscles around him.
"Baby, yes…Emma."
In one moment of perfect pleasure, they came apart in each other's arms. They traded nibbling kisses and caresses until he could no longer keep them connected and slipped free.
He flipped onto his back and snuggled her against his side. Once he could speak, he tipped her chin up to face him.
"Emma, I love you honey, so much."
She blinked back tears. "I love you too."
Neither of them slept much as then came together repeatedly, expressing their love and commitment to one another.
