Hi Hi,
Another chapter for you, my amazing followers. I can't believe we are only 16 chapters in, it feels much more than that. Or perhaps, that is just me? Anyways, this chapter is more of Rina still trying to accept things as they are now. Because of everything that happened, I think character development is essential because once I start the beginning of the manga, shit will truly hit the fan slowly. Plus, it gives time for Sebastian and Rina's relationship to develop gradually, not to mention Ciel's (Fenian's) more in-depth.
Btw I will be referring Fenian as Ciel as of this chapter!
I think I will start the manga chapter after the next chapter I will post later this week. I will see where I want to start that officially but either way, it will be soon.
On another note, I start college tomorrow. Ugh, I really don't want to go to classes. I'm going to have so many writing assignments in the near future. This may become my stress outlet soon. ^^;
Enjoy this chapter and don't forget to comment!
(OMG THIS CHAPTER IS SO LONG, I REALIZE THIS BEFORE I POST)
Thanks for reading!
0-0-0-0-0-0
The hallways drag with memories when I stroll down them mindlessly. I can remember where I killed people during the attack and dead bodies strewn on the ground. Even though the manor was burned down to its bones, the rebuilt one was fresh like a bleeding wound. I'm not surprised I have a bit of PTSD from the attack. Too much was going on and it was stressful. It was early morning and I couldn't sleep much. My bedroom haunts me slightly, I mean I've slept in the same design for eleven years.
The sight of it no longer resembles a home for me; it felt more like a room of what was and never can be ever again. This whole damn manor drives me crazy. I find myself wandering outside at the thought. I have been back for a week and a half already. I keep finding things are more out of routine every day. I don't spend so much time with Fenian, I mean, Ciel. Sebastian and he are usually busy in the manor. Sebastian was teaching Ciel, resuming the job of a teacher.
I don't particularly like it that Sebastian does. He always smacks Ciel's hands with a riding crop in punishment if he ever got an answer wrong. I had a mouthful to say about that and Ciel took Sebastian's side for once. I was so angry that I stormed off out of the room and punched a hole in the wall by accident. Sebastian didn't say anything but glare and repaired it immediately. For some reason, I had a harder time controlling my anger lately. Maybe because I was so frustrated with life's deck of cards it has thrown at me.
Walking outside onto the patio, the snow makes my feet cringe at the coldness. I ignore the feeling of them becoming numb and tug the blanket around me closer. It was freezing outside and all I wore was my robe on top of my nightgown with a red scarf. I'm not sure what time it was, but the moon was quite low in the sky. The stars were a bit dull as well. I watch as my warm breath creates a fog past my lips; it heats my face briefly.
I rub my hands together in front of my face to create some friction to warm them up. Why did I come out here again? Maybe I was hoping the freezing chill would chase my fears away temporarily.
"Praying?" I hear someone ask behind me.
I stiffen in fear at the sudden noise, but I didn't even have to ask to know who it was. How did I not feel his presence this time? I don't turn around, but I do let out a small chuckle while relaxing myself, "I don't think I've prayed since I was four." I think humorously. "But now that I think about it, I prayed so my mother's wrath wouldn't find me because I colored on the walls."
I hear the snow crunching behind me and I flicked my eyes to Sebastian's black figure that stands at my side now. "Do you not believe in God?" he asks curiously with a raised eyebrow.
I was for once surprised that Sebastian was taking interest in my life. The action itself made me smile unconsciously and I shake my head, "Never have, wasn't raised to." I state with a half-shrug. "Do you believe?"
He appears a bit surprised, but he soon smirks slyly at my question, "I don't particularly believe in God himself." he relays.
I sweatdrop at his answer, as it did not really answer my question at all. It only twisted it into something else entirely. "A bit confusing, but okay." I attempt to understand his phrasing. Pulling the blanket around me tighter, I shiver involuntarily, "I'm surprised you are awake." I comment randomly.
He stares at the moon in thought and nods, "I do not get much sleep."
I chuckle lightly, "I've been getting poor sleep lately. This manor haunts me."
His eyes flicker down to me curiously, "I see. You lived with the young master before, correct?"
I nod slowly, "Did he not tell you?"
"He did, I was only confirming the fact. A big ordeal went down at this estate."
I hum in agreement, "It did, truly. I am amazed at your ability to reconstruct this manor as it's past self-looked."
"Indeed, it was only a simple effort."
I blanch at his reasoning, "There is no way in hell it was simple as a flick of a finger." he smirks at my sentence for whatever reason, but I continue, "It should take days and days of work to even build it! It's not possible!"
His smirk spreads more as he peers down at me, "I was only acting as a head Phantomhive butler. It is my duty to uphold the young master's expectations."
My eye twitches in exasperation, "More like one hell of a butler!" I exclaim. This man was the embodiment of impossible. "Who are you, Sebastian Michaelis?" I mutter suspiciously.
I don't know if his lips could go any higher, but they did as his smirk continues to stretch with my words. "That's a secret." he hints and gives the universal sign of being quiet with his hand.
I let out a sigh, but another thought enters my mind. I feel my own smirk make its way onto my face, "So, does this mean you're finally opening up to me, Sebastian?"
He turns around the moment I said that and walks away, "If you stand out here any longer, you will freeze to death in that garb." he reasons monotonously.
He walks out of sight afterward and I giggle to myself. I follow his directions to show myself back inside and walk back up to my bedroom. The manor was warm, so my feet, legs, and hands begin to tingle. Maybe someday Sebastian will see me in brighter light I think with a small smile.
0-0-0-0-0-0
It was late into the night, the end of the day. I could hear the crickets talk outside the open window that allows the moonlight to stream into my bathroom. I was currently taking a relaxing bath; plumbing has been built into the new manor and I couldn't be more grateful. The old manor could not due to it being older due to the framework. That Phantomhive manor was quite aged after all and passed down from many generations. I cup the lukewarm water that is pooled around me with my hand's absentmindedly. It slips through my fingers along with my daunting thoughts.
I would have thought with my brother being back, I would resume my duties as his nanny/maid. Though, it seems I was wrong in the aspect. Every time I try to bring the topic up, he automatically declines my offer. He mentions Sebastian will take care of it without a second offbeat. This keeps happening and every time he shoots me down, I become a little more disheartened. It hurts a bit that he considers me useless. I don't take it out on Sebastian, I know he is only doing his job.
It's more like Ciel I am more upset with about the matter.
Not going to deny that stabbing pain in my chest when he doesn't want my care. I don't know if this is his way of trying to distance himself away from me or not. Ever since I mentioned being his adoptive sister, he has been acting much odder. He avoids me at all costs, and I cannot understand why that is. I know he needs time to adjust to things, not just me but life in general. I'm not even sure I want to know what happened during the time he was gone.
I stand up out of the tub with overflowing determination. Like hell, I'll let him distance himself away from me. I grab the towel hanging nearby and wrap it around my form. I was still drenching wet from the water, my long hair dripping irritably. I grab another towel and rub out some of the water to help dry it faster. I turbine it quickly and walk back into my bedroom. I dry my body off not long after and toss on a nightgown with some panties.
I was going to force myself into having a sleepover with him. He will be stuck with me if I do such an action. I snicker evilly to myself and a blanket to wrap myself. I forgo the slippers and rush out of my room while turning off the gaslights. I sneak down the hallway in case Sebastian was wandering around somewhere. One thing I learned while being here is that man has an intense sense of hearing. I don't know how many times I have turned blue from fright with his random appearance in a darkened hallway.
I know for a fact Ciel has already been put to sleep around fifteen minutes ago. I knock on the door softly but don't hesitate to open it afterward. I open it a crack and poke my head inside slowly. I hear my brother sit up in the bed, but I couldn't see him clearly due to the darkness.
"Who is it?" Ciel asks in confusion.
I smile lightly and open the door wider, "The best person in the world."
He huffs in disbelief, "In your eyes." he comments sassily. "What do you want in the middle of the night?"
I frown at the remark but quickly dismiss it. I was still getting used to the fact he developed sarcasm in my absence; which of course, reminds me of his deceased brother and his father once more. I let myself in slowly, not in a hurry to come to his side.
"I'm sleeping with you." I state rather bluntly and reach the edge of the bed.
I'm pretty sure he was blushing by the way his voice sounds, "W-What?!" he exclaims in surprise. I feel around the bed to make sure his body wasn't in the away. I readily climb into his blankets when I didn't detect him in the spot. "Y-You can't just waltz in here demanding that!"
I snicker at his reaction and reach out to his shadowed form in the darkness. "I wasn't demanding. I was stating a fact."
I pick him up slightly and drag him into my embrace. He struggles but I don't care, and I flop us down onto the pillows awkwardly. He was about a couple inches away from my face. I realize this is the first time seeing him without his eyepatch but there wasn't much to see as it was dark, and his hair covers it slightly. He freezes next to me while staring into my eyes and vice versa.
"I'm not a child." he mutters in irritation.
I smirk at his attitude and ruffle his soft hair, "To others, maybe not. But to me, you will always be."
"Let go of me."
I shake my head stubbornly against the pillow, "No."
"I don't need coddling! I'm not the same child as you used to know!" he exclaims angrily while squirming in my grasp.
I make a noise of anger, "Do you think I'm an idiot?! I know when a person I love changes! Do you not understand I am trying my best to accept the new you?!" I scream at him.
A short sob escapes past my lips afterward and I clasp a hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying. I gasp in realization at what I just said out loud. I begin to tremble from too many emotions hitting me at once and Ciel has frozen again next to me. I sit up and let go of him in the process, swinging my legs over the edge of his bed. I didn't want him to see me like this again; I really don't need him too.
Silence greets my ears besides the sound of my heavy breathing as I try to calm myself down. There was a knot in my throat that won't go away and it was hard to get air in and out of my lungs. I tightly fist the sheets underneath me in aggravation. Ah, I really need to keep my mouth shut about things. What am I doing anymore, really?
I hear a shift of covers behind me and something light touches my back. I recognize it's Ciel's fingers and I'm not sure what to interoperate them as. Comfort? Apologetic? It could be anything. It was still silent, but I went a little tense under his touch.
"...I'm sorry." I hear him mumble.
I shake off his hand on my back and sit up straight with a deep breath, "Don't worry about it. It's fine." I reason and begin to stand up, wanting to leave the proximity of the room.
Before I could even take one step, something crashes into my back and let out a yelp at the contact. I feel arms close underneath my breasts, gripping me into a tight hug. "Don't," I hear Fenian mutter against my back. I stay still with my arms hanging by my side helplessly. "Don't leave."
"I thought you didn't want me in your sight." I grumble while fisting my robe with weighing turmoil.
"I never said that."
I shake my head, "You didn't have to. It was clear you wanted to avoid for reasons I don't understand."
He grasps my shoulder, beckoning me to turn around and I allow him to do so. He was standing up on the bed, making him the same height as me. "I was," he confirms with a sigh. "...I was avoiding you for certain reasons. There are things I cannot tell you or let you see."
"Why not?" I choke out in response. "I know you better than anyone. Why don't you trust me, Feni?" I cry in frustration.
"I don't trust anyone, not anymore." he voices darkly, and I feel a shiver burst across my skin. My head hangs low in defeat. Whatever happened to him in this past month, has corrupted everything about him. I am only now truly opening my mind to the worse possible things. It didn't hurt any less though. The twins trusted me with everything and anything. Now, it was all gone in a flash.
It made me so angry, I begin to shake on the spot. I felt so warm like I was going to explode. Whoever the hell decided to torment the Phantomhive family; if I ever meet them, I'll gladly make their lives a living hell. They ripped everything away that was important to me. I feel even more alone in this era more than ever. It eats at my very core, this loneliness I forgot about for quite some time now. The family Vincent offered me; the feeling gradually disappeared every day I was with them.
It has all gone away all over again and it fills me with sorrow and hate that I cannot ignore anymore. This world was oh so cruel, all I want is to go home more than ever. But is that place even my home? I remember Undertaker's words briefly. Thinking someday I may find it again, but the doubt entangles my body with a vice grip.
I sway slightly on my feet, my vision hazy. "Rina?..." Ciel calls out, a bit worried by my long pause.
I let out a low sigh and chuckle humorlessly to myself, "You do trust me."
Before he could protest, I push him down onto the bed harshly. I will set his mind straight; I know for a fact that he does trust me whether he sees it or not. Even if I have to convince myself he does! "Hey!" he shouts in confusion. I climb back onto the bed slowly, "If you don't trust me, prove it." I offer with a steeling gaze.
I sit with my arms crossed as I stare at his sprawled body. I could feel his glare on my person, but I ignore it. He doesn't answer and I wasn't surprised because he knows just as well as I do that, I am right. He can try to hide he doesn't, but I know he is lying. He lets out an irritated 'hmph' and cuddles onto my pillow. I lay down as well, happy to know he gives up on this fight.
I smirk and flick his nose playfully as I lay my head down beside his. "I think your terrible lying takes after mine."
He rubs his nose with a mini glare sent my way, "Is that a challenge?" he asks.
"Nope. A fact," I comment with a chuckle. I wrap my arms around his tiny body and bring him closer this time. "Why won't you let me by your nanny anymore?" I ask quietly and run my fingers through his soft hair.
His legs shift against my torso, trying to get comfortable. "I don't need one anymore."
"Really? Is that why you let Sebastian bathe, clothe, and feed you? Should I call him a 'nanny'?" I retaliate with a small smirk, finding the thought funny.
"You don't need to do it anymore. You are a Phantomhive now, a lady no less. It is not your concern."
My eyes widen in shock at his statement, not really considering my new position. "A lady? I don't know about that. I will rather be your nanny still, that way I can be by your side more often."
He shakes his head against the pillow, "Let Sebastian take care of me, I am no longer your concern."
I glare slightly at his remark, "Do you think I see you as a burden?" I grab his ear and tug it slightly in disbelief, I get a whine in protest for my tease. "You are no such thing if so. I loved you from the moment I saw you."
I admit with a loving smile and I nuzzle my cheek against his head. He grumbles slightly at my affection but doesn't protest it, I wonder if he was blushing at all briefly. "Leave the matter alone. All I want is for you is to stay by my side and never leave it, understood?" he affirms and grabs my cheek, pushing me away from him.
"I couldn't agree more, little bro." I grin happily.
I'm not sure when we both fell asleep, but it eventually happened. I woke up to the sound of metal clinking slightly around me. I crack my tired eyes open to discover what made such a sound. I find Sebastian at my side, staring down at me with a calculating stare. Even more puzzled, I try to sit up only to find I couldn't move. I peer down to find Ciel laid across my whole body. He was snoring softly on my chest and I could feel some slobber stick to my skin.
I was legit in a cage full of limbs holding me down. I crack a smile at the scene before me and I continue to lay against the bed to not wake him up quite yet. My eyes flicker to Sebastian when I find him pouring tea into cups in a perfect manner.
I yawn slightly, cupping my mouth in the process, "Good morning." I greet quietly.
"Good morning, Miss. Rina." he replies monotonously.
I raise my eyebrow in question, "Did you rest any?"
"I am fine."
I frown slightly, a bit miffed he didn't answer directly. "Liar." I hint teasingly and shift in my spot to get more comfortable.
"I do not lie." he assures while offering a teacup towards me. His eyes narrow, as if he was accusing me of something. He couldn't possibly know what I keep in the dark, right? It makes me doubt my confidence in the secret department.
I sweatdrop at his uncomfortable stare and take the cup from his hands carefully, "Everyone lies." I argue back. He doesn't comment further on the matter and walks towards the window. He opens the curtains with a flash, and I hiss at the light's contact. "Close it!" I yelp as my eyes burn slightly. He smirks at my pain and I glare at him for it.
I scramble around underneath Ciel and it wakes him up. His face was scribbled with confusion and sleep. He acknowledges the light with a grunt in discomfort. I watch as he rubs his eyes cutely, trying to erase the sleep from them. I smile warmly at the scene before me, waiting for him to realize the position we were in. Wait, hold up a minute, did he rub both his eyes? Does he still have the other one?! He peers up at me a bit confused still till panic seizes his features. He slaps his palm over his injured (?) eye with a pale face.
"D-Did you see it?!" he shouts, tumbling off my body to the other side of the bed.
I blink owlishly with a tilt of my head, "Your eye? What about it?" I ask in confusion and a bit of curiosity. He was breathing quite heavily, oh my, it seems he was truly afraid of me seeing it. Perhaps, his eye was only injured not gone? I flash a reassuring smile, "No, I didn't." I confirm seriously. I decide to leave the topic of it alone until he was ready to tell me about it.
He sighs loudly in what I assume as a relief. I wonder why he was so scared of me seeing it? Perhaps, he does not want me to see the trauma? I will respect his wishes either way, even if they leave me in a world of wonder. I put the teacup that Sebastian gave to me up to my lips; I didn't notice before how I haven't eaten nor drank anything he's made. A bit curious, I take a sip of the warm tea. My face cringes at its overly bitter taste and pretty much spit it back into the cup.
"Sebastian, is this poison?" I ask with a pale face, thinking he most definitely would be the kind of person to try and kill me.
I hear Ciel snicker next to me and I receive an irritated expression from the butler.
0-0-0-0-0-0
Sebastian always had a range of activities for Ciel to practice every day. It was fun to watch Ciel grow just a little bit every day even if he doesn't notice it. Spring has embraced England once more and I am relieved to not see snow anymore. Snow brings back awful memories and it feels like a fresh start with the change of the season. I accompany Sebastian to some of Ciel's lessons to free myself from boredom. There wasn't much to do in the manor after all, not to mention talk to.
Today, I observe my brother try to fire a gun at a range Sebastian set up. From what I heard of Ciel; this wasn't his first time attempting this exercise. I stand with the master-butler duo outside in the Spring weather. There was a slight chill otherwise the weather was quite nice. Ciel was struggling slightly to hold the gun right.
I sweat drop at the sight as the rifle was a tad larger than him. Sebastian comes up behind him and points out Ciel's flaws in his stance. "You have to stand more firmly," Sebastian advises while tapping the riding crop at Ciel's shoulders to correct his posture. Ciel was more concentrated on aiming the gun and Sebastian approaches his back, adjusting my brothers aim with his own hands on the weapon. "If you keep going like this, you can only dream of hunting on horseback."
Ciel frowns in irritation slightly and fires the gun, only to miss the target completely. I face palm and Sebastian sighs in the background, realizing his aim was terrible. I giggle lightly and come up beside Ciel. I take the gun from his grasp and move in front of him. I change my stance to fit the gun as Lady Midford taught me. I barely remember how to do this, and I wish this rifle was more advanced like the ones in my time period. I can only guess they are easier to handle.
I take aim quickly while sucking in a deep breath. My pointer finger hovers over the trigger and I release my breath while pushing down on the trigger. The gun fires automatically and hits the last ring on the target. I feel quite proud of myself even though I didn't hit the bullseye. I smirk in trumpet and turn around while flicking my hair back. "See right their boys, that is what you call raw talent." I boast. Ciel was staring at me with a deadpan and Sebastian appears amused.
"Raw talent? You didn't even hit the middle!" Ciel says while pointing at the target behind me in emphasis.
I toss the gun to Sebastian carelessly, knowing he would catch it no matter what. He sends me a tiny glare briefly. I continue smirk, "The thing is brother, I learned that in only a week." I explain deviously. "You can't even hit the board in two." I cackle to myself.
He fumes on the spot and turns around with a 'hmph.' I laugh silently at his attitude and watch him walk back to the manor with heavy stomps.
"Must you tease the young master so?" Sebastian asks by my side.
I shrug with my smirk still in place, "We are siblings practically. Don't you know the older ones have to give the younger ones a tough time? It's like a birthright."
He smirks slightly back, and I begin to walk ahead of him casually. "I do not have siblings." he states as he catches up to my side quickly while carrying the gun still.
"Don't worry, I am originally an only child." I smile humorously.
He hums slightly in thought, "I am surprised."
"Huh? Really? What makes you say that?" I ask curiously, a bit stunned.
His eyes glide over to mine and catch them briefly, "You're the type that is nurturing, no?"
"Type?" I continue to ask with a tilt of my head, his words confusing me more.
He sighs lightly and turns his gaze back onto Ciel who was a bit into the distance. "The type of woman who would do anything for what she loves. Self-Sacrificial and nurturing all in one." he explains.
My eyebrows rise to my hairline in wonder at his observation. "Well, I suppose so." I agree while staring at Ciel's back, imagining his twin next to him. "Though, I wouldn't say it's just because I'm a 'woman.' Many people would do it for the things they love, right?" I ask while peering up at him in a stupor.
His eyes narrow into the distance, "Humans are very selfish. They will do or say something to ensure their companion to trust them and only to stab in the back when something doesn't go their way, correct?"
I frown at his reasoning and decide not to comment on it. I know for sure; I was not that type of person to be fake. I have my priorities set straight and I do not stray from them for even a moment. We walk back in a tense yet companionable silence the rest of the way back to the manor.
