Author Note:
A bit of angst and fluff. Enjoy. Thanks to Lauren for her help in hashing things out.
Thank you to all of you who continue to read and for all the reviews. I truly appreciate them all.
CH 67-Cognitive Dissonance
The week went by pretty quickly. Clay took her to school and picked her up on Tuesday. Wednesday, he brought dinner over. Thursday, he came over after running some errands and again ate dinner with the family. Then he and Emma went up to her room. All that was left was her mattress and a few bags filled with clothes. He offered to hang out with her while she did her homework.
"That won't be any fun for you honey."
"Of course, it will. I just like being with you Em."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I appreciate that, I really do. But I know that the guys are going out tonight." Clay looked at her surprised.
"Sonny called Dad," she informed him. "Anyway, why don't you go meet them?"
"Is there a reason you're trying to get rid of me?" He pulled her to sit across his lap and nuzzled her neck.
Settling in and wrapping her arms around him she responded. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to spend every second with me. I know you need your time with the boys."
He looked at her and smiled. "You're amazing Emma."
"Just promise me you won't pick up any of those frog-hogs that hang out there," she teased.
"I don't even notice any other girls Em."
"Good answer Petty Officer."
He grasped her jaw and turned her head to the face him fully. Kissing her firmly for quiet moments. She returned his kisses and gave him a squeeze.
"Get going before I change my mind."
"Yes ma'am. I'll see you tomorrow honey." And he left with a final kiss to the top of her head.
Emma had an ulterior motive. She didn't really have that much schoolwork to do. Tomorrow was her last day in the house. The last day in the only home she'd ever known. She knew she would need Clay to help her get through it. She was sure she would be pretty emotional and wouldn't feel like going out. So, she wanted him to have some fun. But tonight, she needed the time alone. She needed the time to sort through memories and make her peace with this. Her dad wasn't actually handing over the keys until Saturday, but she made up her mind that she didn't want to be there. She wanted to remember the house the way she knew it.
She was missing her Mom so much right now. Alana was always the one Emma had turned to when she had something to work through. She'd been gone for over a year now, but leaving the house tore open a fresh wound in Emma's heart. Her Mom was the person she leaned on and the person she shared all her joys with too.
"Mom, I hope you can hear me. We're moving tomorrow. Does that make you sad?" She tried to stem the tears that were pouring down her face. "I am so…so confused. I know I'm going to miss it here and I'm afraid that I won't remember everything, that I'll forget some of the times with you. And I couldn't bear it if that happened." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "But, I'm excited too." She hugged her pillow to herself. "I'm moving in with Clay. I love him so much Mom. God, he's so amazing and there's part of me that still can't believe that he loves me. I think you'd be okay with us. I know it isn't anything you would have thought of, but he makes me so happy. I… I don't really know what to feel…"
She laid down on her bed, just exhausted by all the emotions. She saw Clay had texted her.
-Miss you Em. Love you baby! –
She smiled and tapped back a message.
-Love you too. Now go have fun! -
Emma wiped her face and straightened her shoulders. She would get through this. She would be strong. Her Mom had taught her to be strong.
She went to school as normal on Friday. She was definitely distracted. In fact, she had gotten called out by her History teacher when she failed to respond when called on. She couldn't make herself care. Finally, it was 2:30 and she could stop pretending to pay attention to school for today.
Pulling into the driveway, she expected to see Clay's truck. She wondered if something had come up. But, when she got inside, there he was, sitting on a box talking with her Dad.
"Hi babe." He got up and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
"How did you get here? I didn't see your truck."
"I asked Jace to come get me. It didn't make much sense to me for both of us to drive."
"I…I'm pretty much ready to go. I just need to pack up the stuff I used this morning."
Clay reach out and touched her arm. "Take your time Emmie. There's no rush." He knew this was going to be tough for her.
She got to her room and quickly stuffed her dirty clothes in a bag and got her toiletries from the bathroom. She went back downstairs and handed her bag to Clay. He could see the tears standing in her eyes.
"Can I have a minute," she asked.
"Of course, honey."
She started to wonder aimlessly through the house, trying to commit every room to memory. Each space held thoughts of her Mother. Baking cookies in the kitchen, her mom cleaning up the scrapes on her knees in the bathroom after she had wiped out on her bike, welcoming her and Mikey into her bed to sleep when they were worried about their Dad, and on and on and on. When she got back to the living room, her Dad and Mikey were there. Emma hugged Mikey close.
"Be good squirt. I'm not far away and I can still kick your butt." They both laughed weakly. "And remember, you can call me anytime bud." He nodded against her and hugged her hard.
She turned and Jason was standing there with arms outstretched. Emma fell against him and let herself feel like a little girl again.
"I love you Em. I really think you and Clay will be happy." She looked up at him through her tears. "But, if he hurts you, I'll kill him, and Metal will help me dispose of the body."
"Daaad," she chuckled.
He accompanied her outside to where Clay was waiting by her car. Clay put an arm around her and kissed her head. "You okay Em?"
She nodded, unable to speak. He held her close and rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. Jason's eyes met his and extracted an unspoken promise. 'Take care of her,' Jason's expression said. And Clay's quiet nod was his answer, 'I will, always.'
Clay helped her into the car and got behind the wheel. "Ready, babe?" He squeezed her hand and gave her a hopeful smile.
Nodding in the affirmative she returned his smile. She was surprised by the butterflies in her stomach. She'd been to the apartment dozens of times. This was just such a big step for them.
It didn't take long to get to the apartment. Clay grabbed her bag from the back seat and followed her up the stairs. He unlocked the door and let her precede him in through the door. Setting her bag down, he walked up behind her and slid his arms around her. He pressed a kiss to her temple and spoke softly.
"Welcome Home Emmie."
She rested back against his solid frame and responded. "Thanks babe."
Her nose picked up an appetizing aroma. Emma followed it to the kitchen and discovered that Clay had pulled out her Crock-pot. Before she could question him, he spoke up with an answer.
"I thought you might want to stay in tonight. So, I got a recipe from Naima."
"You cooked for me?"
"It didn't seem very hard. But…don't get too excited until you taste it," he joked.
She lifted the lid to look inside and saw a roast with potatoes and other vegetables.
"It looks amazing honey."
As she hugged him, something caught her eye over his shoulder. Two colorful hot pads hung on hooks near the oven. Her mouth hung open.
"Clay…what…where did you get these?"
She took one in her hand and turned it over and over.
"I asked Jace for some things of your Mom's to have over here. I hope you don't mind."
"Mind?" The tears started anew. "Mom helped me make these for a Girl Scout project when I was in Fourth Grade. I knew she kept them, but I figured Dad just tossed them." She laughed aloud at the memory. "What else did Dad give you?"
Taking her hand, he led her to the bedroom and right to the desk. Sitting on the surface was a colorful rock. Underneath a slightly crooked rainbow were the words, 'I love you,' in multicolor paint.
"I made this for Mom one year for Mother's Day. She kept it on the windowsill in the kitchen."
"You can move it in the kitchen if you want honey."
She turned around and saw several pictures of her Mom and her whole family scattered on the bookshelves. She threw herself into Clay's arms. He was afraid he'd upset her.
"Honey…Em? Are you okay? I'm so sorry. I just thought it might be nice for you to have some of her things here. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
She laughed through her tears. "Why would you be sorry? This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe…I love you so much Clay Spenser."
He breathed a sigh of relief as he held her. He had really just wanted to ease her transition. He knew she missed Alana desperately and he wanted to help Emma keep her memory alive.
"Jace gave me this too." He reached for an old photo album placed on the bookshelf.
Emma held out her hands to receive it and started to page through it. There were many pictures from her childhood of her and her mom, as well as the rest of the family. She was quiet as she laughed and cried in turn at the images.
"There's pictures in here of our vacation to Disney World, my first school play, and when I learned to ride a bike." She sent Clay a watery smile.
"How about we go eat and then after, we can go through the album and you can tell me about the pictures?"
"Really?"
"Well…yeah. I'd love to see them and to hear all about your memories."
She set the album down on the desk and took his face in both of her hands.
"Thank you. Thank you so much!"
She kissed him fiercely, feeling overwhelmed with love for him. In her mind's eye she could see her Mom smiling at them in approval.
