He made it home for dinner, only to find that home had moved. Well technically since his home was a spaceship, it was always moving, but the corridors didn't often change and the gray walls stayed the same. Tonight he'd be looking at more luxurious walls, but he wasn't excited about that. This transient life was beginning to wear on him, and he longed for the comfort of a place they could truly call home.
He swung by the council chambers first hoping to be there before dinner was done. Instead he found the Council of twelve had run late that day, or so the guards at the door informed him. Once ensconced back in the chambers, they were making a point that it was theirs. To make matters worse, it was Reece at the door informing him in no uncertain terms that he couldn't go in, not even to retrieve something from the food prep area.
"That gal of yours sure gets herself into a lot of trouble. Who did she steal from this time to earn that shiner?" Reece asked as Starbuck walked away.
"At least he doesn't think you did it," Boomer said, coming down the corridor.
"If he keeps it up, he'll be wearing a shiner too. You're still aboard?"
"Leaving in the morning with Max. Wishing you were all coming with me. I was dispatched to come check on you. The rumor was flying that you were already gone. We're all down in Crius's quarters. Well, your quarters now. Seems the family was busy and you are all moved in," Boomer said, guiding him away from his old quarters.
"We don't have much to move. Uniforms and black market goods, about all we have. They did get the fumarellos, right?" he asked before adding, "I wish I was coming with you, but I think I'm headed to the Shiva, well just me and Crius. Honestly, Boomer, I'd feel a whole lot better about it if you were around."
"Jolly and Giles will be here, and I'm sure Gage will step in if needed," Boomer offered.
"Not the same and you know it," he said, remembering the trouble the Rats got into when he was on report and on the Galactica. "Afraid if I leave they'll adopt the whole orphan ship, or take up residence on the Eagle Bash. Or worse, visit the Colonies, or Dilmun or I don't know, the Cylon homeworld.."
Boomer nodded, but still tried to alleviate his concerns. "They've been flying straight lately, and Rene's not been flying at all. Besides, who is going to notice a few more kids? They're small, and don't take up much room."
"I would, that's who. We have nowhere to put them, not even a spare drawer or cupboard." He smacked his forehead as something else came to mind. "Speaking of kids, I didn't get a chance to check on Cain today, or deal with Jason or even run by the duty office. I should probably do that at least before I turn in. You know how blue squadron gets without some direction." Starbuck ran through his mental checklist, one that had grown substantially with the day's events. "I do have some good news. Rene was right, they found some information in Dante's office. Not his logs exactly, but we have a clearer picture of what went down in Dante's fleet, how many ships they had, where they abandoned them."
He didn't have the heart at the moment to inform Boomer of the more shocking information, that according to Apollo, Dante did indeed fire upon Colonial ships. Boomer would learn that soon enough when he met up with Apollo on the Zakar.
Starbuck was still trying to wrap his mind around how Dante inspired the kind of loyalty that would have warriors willing to fire on their own kind. It was almost like the kind of rabid loyalty that Cain had instilled. But Cain's had been forged in his ingenuity at strategy, snatching victory out of the jaws of defeat, not to mention taking the Pegasus through Hades and back and surviving against all odds. But even with the idolatry that Cain earned, Starbuck had a hard time understanding what would cause fellow warriors to turn on each other.
He hadn't been there when Apollo and Boomer had to pull weapons on the Pegasus warriors He still wasn't sure he could have done it, holding a weapon with intent to fire on former comrades in arms like Bojay.. He liked to think that had he been there that day on the Pegasus, he would have made all of them calm down for a moment, to talk it out, or at least see how absurd the situation was. He wasn't afraid to question orders of those in command. It's what usually earned him extra modules and turns at cleaning the turbo flushes. His mouth ran faster than his brain.
But he also knew deep down that he would probably have followed Apollo's lead, and asked questions later. He trusted his friend even when he made bad decisions, like sneaking onto a basestar. So far all of those questionable decisions had turned out in their favor, mostly due to his own good luck. In retrospect, had Apollo drawn his blaster, he would have too.
Maybe that's all it took. One person trusts another's decision, even if it is a bad one, another joins in. Like dominoes, they all fall. He trusted Apollo and Boomer. His friends had seen him through a lot of tough scrapes in his life. He still didn't think he would have fired on Bojay, but he would have backed up Apollo's decision because his friend deserved his loyalty.
Dante was different. Dante demanded loyalty, coerced you into it one decision at a time. You followed him or he eliminated you and the ones you loved. Rene was right though, those who showed Dante fidelity did benefit from their submission. Those who bowed to Dante had lived through a long journey and found a new world to call home. They were paying a high price for that home and safety from the Cylons, having to give their loyalty to a perverted man and check their integrity at the door. But had they known that when they agreed to follow? How much did they know about Dante before they conceded to his command? Most of his officers only knew that if they didn't follow, they might meet an untimely demise, whether by the Cylons, or by Dante's hand. Had the concessions been incremental? Bit by bit, they allowed Dante to get away with more and more, finally leading to the felgercarb fireworks that Starbuck had stumbled into.
Perhaps it really was all about survival. Those who got you through hades earned your trust. It would help explain the Sewer Rats agreeing to follow Dante despite the abuses that followed. They still had a hard time discussing the bastard. He had saved them from a fate worse than death, arriving at their desperate hour like an avenging angel. But that hadn't been the case for most of his officers, or was it? On ships alone in enemy territory, food and fuel running low, and Dante arrives offering hope. Was that enough to make someone turn and shoot a fellow Warrior, it's me or you? Starbuck was a survivor, but not at the cost of someone else's demise. That's where he and his own commander agreed. Survival meant joining together, saving everyone possible, even those who others might think were meaningless. Would he kill another warrior if his Commander ordered it? It was a ludicrous question, because Adama would never issue that order. Until that moment, he hadn't realized how fortunate he was to be able to recognize that.
Boomer's voice drew him back to the present, and he realized his friend had probably asked the question more than once.
"Where did they find the logs? I scoured his systems pretty hard. His computer techs were more than competent."
Starbuck had no intention of telling him. Apollo could have that pleasure. He stuck with a simple answer. "Private logs, secreted away. We searched his quarters again, this time with suggestions from Rene about where to look." He hesitated outside the door to what was once Siress Tinia's quarters, now belonging to Crius and Lizbet. "Seriously, buddy, I'm going to miss you. I was trying to have us all stay together, not be pulled further apart."
Boomer squeezed his shoulder, much the way Apollo would. "A few sectars and you'll be back with us."
"A lot can happen in a few sectars. A lot can happen in a cycle. It just doesn't feel right. And I don't buy the mong about us being safer on the Galactica. I think we're safer all together."
"It's not about us anymore," Boomer said, "It's about the kids, and your baby. The medical care is better here. The Life Center on the Zakar was ripped out and taken down to the surface of Dilmun. It's been replaced with makeshift supplies. If Rene were to have any complications, you would be without the right help."
"Yeah, I know. It's just, you and I have been together a long time."
Boomer smiled as he shook his head. "That we have. Ah how I long for the lulling lullaby of your bunk rattling snores, especially after a few tankards of grog . . ."
Starbuck scoffed. "And the tantalizing aroma of your combat boots, known to make lesser men gag and choke in their sleep at a mere wiff . . ."
"Really, more than anything I'm worried about the trouble you'll get into without me." Boomer chuckled. "Or maybe I'm envious of it. But you left me behind when you stormed a Base Star. So I think you'll be alright without me."
"Just couldn't risk you on that mission. Apollo's expendable and so am I," he replied.
"We're warriors. We're all expendable, Starbuck."
"Hmm," he murmured, needing a few drinks before contemplating that particular thought. "Dietra going with you?"
"No." Boomer dropped his smile. "Unlike you, I am thinking we shouldn't be flying with those we are close to. The risk of losing her would cloud my thinking. When you come over to the Zakar, we need to talk about mixing things up a little. Rene is on to something with her lists of people to take over the kids, but too many of us are on those lists and are also wingmates. Like you, I am not anxious to make any of our children orphans."
"Children? Are you making it official with Dietra soon then?"
"She says she doesn't want children, and doesn't see the point if we aren't becoming parents. I'm hoping when she holds your child at the naming party, she might change her mind. Unless the kid actually turns out to be yours and comes out dagget ugly like his old man."
Starbuck took the jibe in good fun, realizing that despite Boomer's love for Dietra, like his own relationship with Cassiopiea, it might not be a relationship meant to be. Boomer wanted kids, always had. That wasn't going to change any time soon.
Starbuck was learning with Rene, actually it was probably Cassiopeia that taught him the lesson, love wasn't enough sometimes. You had to have a shared vision for the future, a common idea of what your life should have and hold. He thought he had that with first Athena and then Cassie. But in time, they had changed. Had he changed? He thought he was the same, but maybe he had too. Would Rene change and change her mind? You could unseal almost as easily as saying "We need to talk." But compared to his past relationships, he and Rene had been through events that wedded them closer together, not farther apart.
Until now, that is. Now he'd be temporarily transferred to the Shiva, heading even further away from the fleet to deal with what was in their rear, mystery ships and possible enemy contact. That was enough to make him worry, but he was more than a little anxious at being away from his wife. Even when he'd been on report, he had seen Rene and the kids almost daily. This time, she wouldn't be able to get to him.
Normally he could count on his friends to fill in the gaps in the family, but Boomer was going to be on the Zakar permanently, flying into the unknown. He could understand Boomer's desire to keep Dietra safe. Maybe it was his own ego talking, but he knew that Rene was safer by his side than anywhere else.
"My child will be gorgeous and you know it. Give her time," Starbuck suggested, "a little absence might change her mind. Or a little Ambrosia." They laughed together. "You two are good together. I'll talk with Dietra, win her over for you. You have always needed my help in the romance department."
"Is that so?" Boomer joked back. "I think you should stay out of it or Dietra will be heading for the hills."
"We don't have any hills."
"Well then, an upper deck might have to do."
"You know full well that Dietra finds me charming and might actually listen to me."
Boomer gave his head a little shake, before looking over. "Sorry, did you say something? I was overwhelmed by your charm and couldn't hear you, Bucko."
"Exactly my point, Boom Boom."
Facing the doors to the VIP quarters, Starbuck wasn't sure if he should ring the chime or just go on in. He opted for doing both. He had the code for the door as the Copper Squadron shared everything. The quarters were full and busy, with all the kids running around as Nik and Jason were in the middle of some game that involved wrestling and tickling. Siress Tinia's daughter Bethany was there as well. It seemed that they had added another teen to their growing family.
Nik broke away from the game to greet him. "We weren't expecting you. Rene said you'd be heading to the Shiva. I swung by the duty office after my patrol and got the schedules cleaned up. We had to make a few swaps. I ran them by Bojay to make sure they were good."
Starbuck tried not to act too surprised, but Nik was not known to do anything above and beyond his duty. "Thanks. Good call on checking with Bojay. I may be gone tomorrow. Appreciate you stepping up."
Nik ducked his head at the compliment as Boomer elbowed him to emphasize his point, the Rats were starting to grow up. Starbuck scanned the room looking for his wife, when Kiff came up, hugging his legs briefly before running off. Crius came out of his own quarters with baby Zac in his arms.
"Thank the Lords. I thought you left without me. The rumors are flying faster than bovine farts. What's up? You are not leaving me behind again!"
Before he could answer, Jake poked his head out of the food prep area asking if he wanted a plate for dinner.
"Yeah, that would be great. Where's Rene?"
Jake shook his head and moved back into the kitchen.
It was Nik that answered, his voice low, "In your room. She and Jake are sniping at each other about something. Got a bit ugly so I broke it up."
"Define ugly?" he asked. He already knew what the fight was about. He knew Jake wouldn't be happy to find out Rene had shared where to find the recordings. It dawned on Starbuck that Jake may not know that Crius had detailed for him what happened to the two of them in Dante's office. Tonight was not the time to give Jake that information, not with Starbuck's departure for the Shiva imminent.
For the first time in his marriage, he wanted the two friends to be inseparable. Despite Jake's many flaws and vices, he was dedicated to taking care of Rene. He kept her alive on Caprica and Dilmun and the Zakar. But Starbuck couldn't deny that the two of them weren't always the best for each other. He thought they were beyond that since the Rising Star sealing Ceremony and Jake's attack on the Celestra.
Was there an occasional worry that maybe the two were still a bit too close, like intimately close. Yes, he didn't lie to himself about that. He was hoping to get some help from Cassie with that issue, since Jake seemed a bit frightened of her, and she might care if he was with someone else. But Starbuck wouldn't be here and there wasn't much else he could do but hope the two respected the boundaries established in their complicated relationship.
Nik shook his head before clarifying, "Jake wouldn't let go whatever he is really pissed about and Rene was ready to punch him. Jake was getting handsy too, so They both needed a time out."
"Thanks for the warning, and for managing it. You're a good friend,," Starbuck said, realizing he'd forgotten that Nik was another player in his complicated relationship with Rene. "I'll deal with Jake. I know why he's pissed, but just know, Rene's right on this one."
"She usually is," Nik replied.
Crius added, "I forgot that Jake would be moving in too. We're going to need some ground rules. He doesn't understand personal space and he's never lived in Colonial barracks. He'll steal your socks and anything else not nailed down just to prove he can. I'd make him go sleep in your old quarters, but I gave them to Maia and Giles for the night as it seemed they were still ours for now. Maia lost the baby."
The news, casually dropped as just another random event of the day had Starbuck rocking back on his heels.
"What? How? That's…that's horrible. What happened?" Starbuck tried to think what duties Maia might have been assigned. She wasn't a pilot to begin with as she had been part of the bridge support staff on the Zakar and Dilmun. She'd been a cheerleader on Caprica for one of the famous triad teams which made her one of Dante's favorites, but curiously she didn't have children yet, that is until Giles came along. That was an oddity amongst Dante's fleet as all the gals had at least one kid, usually two thanks to Dante's forced breeding quota. Adama's fleet had grown considerably with the addition of new personnel.
But Adama saw that pregnant warriors' received routine medical care and their duties were not dangerous. On the Galactica it would be light duty, plus it would be Maia's choice. It would be a job that was safe for Maia and the baby. She and the baby had the best of care the fleet could offer, so what could have happened?
It was Nik that cleared up the mystery. "The Cylons didn't drop confetti on us at Caprica. You've been there. That look like any of it was good for us?"
"No," he said softly, remembering the unnatural sky swirling with colors that belonged in a mad scientist's laboratory. He and Rene were still dealing with the radion poisoning and whatever else they picked up on their secton long honeymoon to their homeworld. He tried to suppress a shudder, recalling how he and Rene had actually slept under that sky, drank the water and rolled around in that toxic soil. He shuddered even harder recalling the IL robot, goldie or was it bluey, reciting how the soft tissues of the females were more susceptible to the toxins and poisons.
"We're surprised she kept the baby this long," Crius added. "We all hoped with Giles as the daddy it might work out." Crius shrugged that damn shrug that sometimes meant nothing and sometimes meant everything.
He wasn't sure he was ever going to get used to how the Copper Squadron dealt with tragedies as if it was just another event of the day. Someone should have come and found him right away. Giles would be a wreck. If it happened to him, he would be worse than a wreck, he'd be volatile. The loss of a child should be more than just a shrug.
He ground his teeth and forced his arms to remain still as the memory invaded his mind of his captivity on Caprica. They had come very close to the Cylons terminating Rene's pregnancy, wanting to cut the "larva" from her body just so they could examine it. He'd had to talk so damn fast to get the gumball heads to just leave it in her. Then there was the infection they'd picked up and the desperate flight in the mountains, the quick launch to the Galactica and she had come right back, with no regard to her own safety.
His body escaped his control, his shoulders shaking for just a moment before he tightened his spine, which earned him a curious look from Boomer. His friend reached out a hand, but Starbuck sidestepped the touch, not wanting his friend or anyone to know he was still dealing with the events on Caprica.
"I need to go check on Rene," he said to Crius, who seemed to have picked up on the shaking, his features showing concern. "Then we can talk about rules for all of us as quarters get tighter. Jake and I have managed pretty well lately."
"But we're going to be gone," Crius added. "And the Rats will turn this place into a sewer without proper supervision. No offense Boomer, but you get too focused on duty and miss the drama."
"You create half of it yourself," Boomer jibed Crius before adding, "and I'm headed off to the Zakar so I get to miss that fun."
"I'll put Jolly in charge. Where is he by the way?" Starbuck asked, looking for the distraction from his own thoughts.
"Headed back to the barracks to pick up a few things and wash up. Says he's moving in but I have no idea where we are going to put him. He did the heavy lifting today. Ya know he ain't gonna get these kids to do anything, right? He's a push over. His name totally fits him," Crius said, before pointing to Jake who was bringing Starbuck a plate of food. "He's only behaving because I threatened to knock him into next secton and then ship him back to the barracks. He gives you any trouble, you just let me know. He's already had three warnings."
"Ugly fight," Nik reminded him before he went back to wrestling the kids.
Starbuck wanted to check on Rene. Between the rough start of the day, the tense exchanges with those in Command of heavily armed military vessels, and now learning the news about Maia's baby, he needed to feel Rene in his arms. But he also figured he owed Jake something for handling the situation at the rotten start to his day. If he was fighting with Rene, she had to be okay. He wouldn't have crossed that line unless she was.
"Last warning," Crius threatened, holding up a finger in Jake's face as the young man played innocent.
"What? She started it!"
Starbuck wasn't in the mood for any more diplomacy. He reached for the plate, making sure he had it out of Jake's hands and sat it down on the low sofa table before he cut through the felgercarb.
"I know why you're pissed, and I am sorry, but we needed some information about what happened in Dante's fleet. We did find it if that helps any."
Thunder flashed in Jake's eyes as he ground his teeth, before he attempted the lie. "You know what? You don't know anything."
Jake turned to walk away, but Starbuck reached out grabbing his arm. Jake tried to yank out of his hand, but Starbuck kept a firm hold, pulling him a step closer.
"I know what went down in Dante's office. I also know you have nothing to be ashamed of."
"What the frak do you know, golden boy?" Jake spat at him making another attempt to pull away, but Starbuck reached out with his other hand, gripping him hard.
"A lot actually! I know you did what you could to keep her safe. That's what they are going to find. Even if we never found the recordings, it would still have happened. And I am sorry for that. I know how hard you fought and you didn't deserve to lose that fight. I know being pissed at me or Rene isn't going to change what happened to you. "
The glare Jake shot at him could cut through steel, but Starbuck still held on. "Or you can be pissed. Your choice. I know I would be if that happened to me. But it's not Rene's fault so stop fighting with her. You want to go a round, then let's go a round. You and me. Let's head to the gym and you can pummel the pogees out of me."
Jake's glare intensified, but he was quiet and not moving away, so Starbuck continued. "You said it yourself, when we lose we frak or fight, and I'm not in the mood to frak. Just let me check on Rene, and then I am all yours, loverboy. I will even let you have the first punch."
Jake's reply was not what Starbuck expected. Usually in this situation the Rats yelled at him to get his hands off them, but Jake leaned in, his voice low and threatening, "We've got a date."
Jake started to pull back and Starbuck let him go, giving him a wary look as he expected the punch now, versus later. Jake turned to stomp out the door, but Starbuck halted his steps.
"No one's leaving alone. You are going to have to wait for me. You agreed to those rules last night, remember?"
He waited while Jake contemplated the door to the chambers. In frustration Jake flung himself down in the nearest chair, arms crossed.
Starbuck turned to Boomer. "Do me a favor. Can you take him to the Gym? Play a game of triad until I get there?"
"I didn't agree to take a punch, you did," Boomer said, before acquiescing. "But yeah. I could stand to blow off some steam too."
"Thanks, where's Rene?"
Crius pointed to the door across the room to the left, in the old archaic layout of the battlestar the servants quarters for VIP guests. They would probably be even bigger than the ones they had just vacated. The Sires and Siresses lived well, even in a war fleet. It didn't mean he would prefer them. He liked where they had been living. He and Rene had gotten to know each other in those quarters, shared their pasts and made a future.
He headed for the door, was halfway there before he remembered, his weapon was still by his side. He turned, noting that while Crius, Nik and Boomer were armed, Jake was not. He may be angry with Rene, but not enough to want her dead by suicide. Starbuck unbuckled his holster, taking the steps to hand it to Jake as he turned to Crius, Nik and Boomer.
"First ground rule, we check our weapons at the door. I'm going to requisition a weapons locker, one with an alarm. A very loud alarm because apparently I sleep heavily."
"And snore," Boomer added.
"Thanks for clarifying. Jake, can I trust you with the task of getting it to these quarters?"
The young man was still glaring at him, but he reached for the weapon. "Yeah, I can do that."
"Good. And if you decide to shoot me with my own weapon, have the courtesy to do it to my face, alright?"
Jake huffed as he shrugged. It was progress in a way, and Starbuck remembered to appreciate the little wins. Today he had some big wins with Rene's information.
It was sweeter than ambrosia to witness Haban and Asardin finally submitting to Adama's will, especially when his Commander reminded the men that since they had no qualms about firing on other Colonial vessels, Adama would not be holding back when he seized their ships. It was all a bluff of course, but while playing cards cards or quelling mutinies, the approach was the same.
Before the news about Maia, it had been a good day. Yeah, it had started rough and had to be manhandled into submission. He could do that with Jake if needed, and the young man must have read that in his features as he looked away.
"Thanks," Starbuck mumbled sarcastically, turning back to what were now his quarters. He took a deep breath before he activated the door. He gave a large sigh of relief once he was inside and the door closed. Rene had the lights off, just the small illuminator they used at night guiding him to where she was, asleep in a bed quite a bit larger than the one they'd been used to. He gazed at her, taking in her youthful face. She looked like her dreams were peaceful for once. She had changed since coming to the fleet. Her hair was much longer, past her shoulders as she was no longer required to maintain the military short haircut Dante demanded. It still held the hints of sun streaks in the dark gold. She had lost her tan, but she wasn't as pale as she'd been when they first came back from Caprica. Her body had changed dramatically since Caprica, gaining curves where once she had been thin and angular. Her belly was growing with his child. He had very little experience with pregnant women, no doubt due to most of his life having lived in some sort of government institution. He found her body a marvel, that inside was another life growing, changing her dimensions. Despite the added weight of the baby, she was still too thin in his opinion, but she was beginning to become softer in all the right places.
It was tempting to just crawl in with her and shut the rest of the battlestar out. He chose to give in to the desire to curl up with her and maybe take his own nap.
Unbuckling his boots woke her, and he expected her to startle, but instead, she slowly opened her eyes, mumbling, "I must be dreaming if that's my hotshot pretty boy."
He stepped out of his boots, sliding off his jacket as he came to her, spooning himself around her. "Don't wake up. I like these kinds of dreams."
"Mmm, so do I." She rolled towards him, wrapping her own arms around him and sighing. She was a pocket of warmth in the cold world. They lay there for a few centons just enjoying the moment before she asked, "I thought you were going to the Shiva?"
"Not yet. I wouldn't leave without telling you." He leaned into her, kissing the top of her head before nuzzling closer into her neck. "I'm hoping I don't go at all. I would love to break in this bed."
"What's stopping you?" she purred.
"Me, hot shot Strike Wing Captain Starbuck. I have a few more things I have to do and it's early. If I give in to your charms now, I'm not leaving."
"What is more important than me?" she teased, as her hands began to explore his chest, tracing lazy circles that spiraled around his heart before moving wider to his collar bone, brushing across his insignia then down his arms. Even through his tunic, he could feel her touch as it began to relax him.
"Nothing sweet lady, nothing." He lay holding her, debating if he really needed to go. It sounded like Bojay had the squadrons handled so he could skip the duty office. Of course there was that fight he needed to have with Jake, and he couldn't saddle Boomer with that one. But if Rene was offering, he felt it might be rude not to reciprocate. He owed her something for what she had done today. Those recordings got Dante's officers to start spilling their guts. He hated to ruin the moment, but she deserved to know she had saved the day today.
"We found the recordings right where you said we would. We got the information we needed about the luxury liner and a better timeline of how events played out when Dante left your little fleet behind."
She didn't say anything, just gave a small sigh before her hands stilled and she snuggled closer to him, seeming to beg him to hold her tighter.
"You were right, Dante recorded almost everything. They have lots of data to go through." He tightened his grip on her. "You were the hero today."
She buried her head into his chest, trying to pull him even closer. He tried again to let her know what difference she made to his day. "It really did help, thank you."
"I heard you." She lay still for a few more moments before she shifted in his arms, pulling him closer as she began to kiss his neck, her hands reaching to pull at his tunic closure. Her lips found the spot on his neck just below his ear that drove him wild.
"Rene," he protested weakly, "I do have things I have to do. I…" but he gave up as her hands slid down his back and under his tunic. Her hands were warm, and they found the spot in the center of his back where they had pulled out the cylon device. Her fingers began working at the sore spot and he felt his shoulders drop, not realizing they'd been pulled up nearly to his ears. Her hands grounded him in a way that soothed away the worries of the day. He pushed aside his to-do list and focused on how her lips felt on his neck.
"Let me have this," she whispered in his ear, blowing softly so his whole body shivered. "Just a little moment of pleasure, please." It was the purred please that shattered him, and he pulled back only so he could pull his tunic off, and then his pants. He wanted nothing between him and her touch. She undressed quicker than himself with just a tug of the zipper of the coveralls. While he was still shucking off his pants, her hands were pulling him down as her lips layed kisses down his chest. She murmured again, "Please." He wasn't denying her request as his lips met hers, pulling her to him needing to feel her warm smooth skin against his own.
He owed Rene for her courage today, so the least he could do was give in to her soft sweet pleas. A moment of pleasure when she deserved so much more. She sighed as he kissed her neck, and then he let her set the pace, a bit more frantic than he preferred, but this wasn't for him. Not that he wasn't benefitting from the attention as her hands touched places that made him forget the tension of the day. He hadn't been too far off from the truth when he told the IL Goldie, or was it the blue one, that this did wonders for his physical and mental well being.
He shivered, wishing it was from her touch and not from the thought of their Cylon captors. She leaned away from his kiss, to scan his features.
"Galactica to Gold Clusters Captain. Ready to launch?" Her whispered attempt to check on him, had him realizing his own brain was scrambled as he couldn't seem to stay in the moment.
"Long day, but I'm ready for this mission. Full turbos," he bantered back and redoubled his efforts, utilizing all his tricks to make a woman lose herself to passion. His hands which had been just holding her close began their own explorations of her body. He was pleased with himself when he felt her respond to his attention. It helped him to finally get his brain to shut up and let him just have this furlough from all the worries. Warming up the engines didn't take long, as her hands wrapped around him, and she rolled him to his back and took the lead. For a few fleeting centons, the fleet could take care of itself as he enjoyed how his body fit within the new softer curves of Rene's body.
Afterwards, they were both breathing harder than they probably should be, and Strike Wing Captain Starbuck intruded back into his thoughts. Was this good for her right now with a concussion and scrambled memories? Probably not. Rene used sex as way to avoid dealing with things, an escape. It was however one of the least damaging of her vices, and he certainly benefited from the attention. It was his favorite escape as well, plus he felt he owed her something for not telling her about what happened to her brother when he realized she didn't remember. That was enough, but then there was the information she shared today. Adama had asked him openly why she hadn't mentioned the recordings before. The simple answer was that she might not have remembered before, cylon brain scan and all, but that didn't explain why she didn't tell them before they headed to Caprica. Adama wasn't a fool and picked up on that gap.
Starbuck didn't know how to explain to his Commander, a decent and moral man, the horror and humiliation the Rats felt at their victimization. They were a tough group of kids who had survived rough lives and that was before the destruction. To have made it that far in life, surviving crappy childhoods, world destruction and cylon slavery, only to be defeated and defiled by Dante. It was a crappy hand, from a rotten deck of cards.
Starbuck didn't have words for how awful that must have been. No wonder the Rats were a suicidal bunch wanting to fold their hands and try for a new deck of cards.
Would he have been able to overcome that sense of shame? Would he have shared the knowledge that the scenes of his subjugation were recorded, available for repeated viewing? No. No he would not have. Sometimes she was stronger than he gave her credit for. She deserved a good hand once in a while and a soft touch of love.
He held her as they caught their breath, her lips still laying small kisses up and down his chest. He wanted to give into the afterglow exhaustion, just a short nap in her arms, that was what would please him, his hands on her growing belly, his child moving under his fingers. Her warm skin briefly reminded him of being in the cold cell in the Cylon camp, the two of them desperately clinging to each other. Her warmth kept him alive. A wave of emotion washed over him, grateful that they survived that moment, grateful that she had survived Dante and Dilmun, Caprica and Cylons to be here with him.
"I love you," he said softly. Her lips trailed up his chest to capture him in a kiss so deep he felt it in his soul. When she finally pulled back, the emotion rose even higher, choking off his words. They had survived so much, Cylon cold cells and their harsh homeworld. "Thank the lords," he thought to himself, offering up the prayer for their salvation.
"I love you," she said, her eyes turning dark and stormy. " I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me. You saved me."
He wondered how she did that, reading his mind once again. He tried to speak, to deny it. The fact was Jake and Apollo had rescued them. He'd done nothing but earn them more pain, but as he parted his lips to speak, she kissed him again. He gave in, not bothering to say anything when she pulled back again.
She searched his eyes "You save me from myself. You save me from the darkness. You," she sighed as he tried to speak again, not to deny her words, but to tell her they weren't needed. "Would you just shut up, hot shot? I'm trying to tell you something."
"No, you listen to me," he said, but her lips were on his again. He gently pushed her away. "No, you listen. You gave me something I never had before." His hand reached down to her stomach, to the child that was his. She had never denied it was his. Others might wonder and cast doubt. She never did, not once.
She placed her hand on top of his, "You don't have to go to the Shiva alone. We could come with you. I can do it. Adama can't do anything to me now that I'm working with Peryton. I can fly."
And there it was, the real reason for the declarations of love and the impromptu tryst. She was trying to say what she wanted to say in case he didn't come back. It was a goodbye and he didn't do goodbyes.
The weight of it joining them in the bed felt like an intruder in their most intimate moment. It sparked something inside him. Anger? Fear? Regret? He didn't have the words for it as it coursed through him feeling too much like the lightning the IL Cylon could make skitter up and down his spine.
"Starbuck?" She called his name, reading him too well and he kissed her hard before answering.
"I'll be back! No goodbyes. It is just a few cycles. You're safer here and …" her lips captured his lips again, and he didn't fight her. He wasn't looking forward to being separated from her. He had managed to keep them together in Cylon captivity. It seemed a bit comical that his duty to Adama is what would separate them now.
He was the one to pull back this time, reaching up a hand to stroke her face. "I will be back, I promise. I have a lot to live for and you need to stay here. You're getting closer to the baby coming and if it comes early, the Galactica is the best place for that."
She gazed deep into his eyes and he tried to radiate confidence to her that he didn't feel right now. The memories of their cylon captivity were too close to the surface and she read him like a full sensor scan.
"You and your bets you can't cover. If the enemy finds us, you can't keep that promise. You know we are safer together."
He looked away from her, not wanting to admit she was right. He wasn't in favor of Boomer's plan of keeping some of the Copper Squadron from flying together. Once Rene was back in a cockpit, he'd be her wingman.
"Yeah, well, I screwed that up when I got you pregnant and now I have to live with the complications."
"Complications? Is that what this is? I will tell you the damn complication you created, pretty boy! You fraking made me love you and that was not what I had planned, that's for fracking sure."
He winced at his own word choice, while also trying to stifle a chuckle, which all culminated in him chiding himself. "Wrong words, sorry," but she cut off his apology.
"You bet you're going to live with the complications from this. Where you go. I go. That's the vow we made."
"I know," he said, not sure if he could add the conviction to his next words to her. "Not this time. If you love me like you say, you'll …" he couldn't finish it. He couldn't give her the order to stay behind. He wanted her with him, but she would be safer here, wouldn't she? He shook his head, even more conflicted as he saw the love she felt for him flash like lightning in her eyes. "We can talk about it. I want you safe and Lords help me, I trust you to decide where that would be."
She actually flinched at his words and the change in the argument. The grin of winning began to curl on her lips before she suppressed it, looking at him suspiciously.
"How is Maia doing?" he asked, hoping to try another strategy.
Rene's smile fled and her eyes welled with sadness. "Not good. She really wanted to make Giles a daddy. She was farther along than she's ever been before. Baby only lived a centaur."
"Lived? She delivered the baby?"
Rene, gave him a funny look, one he couldn't identify before answering, "She was almost six sectars, what do you think happens?"
The question rattled him. "Oh, um, yeah. It's been a long day and you have me distracted. Do we have a funeral or…"
Rene just shook her head no, beginning to move away from him. He held on tight, pulling her back to him. She didn't fight his hold, but was only quiet for a moment before she mumbled, "You've made your point."
"Sorry," he said, not happy with how he won the argument or if he even wanted to win. His nights on the Shiva were going to be lonely. "I won't be gone long, I swear. I will be back. It's just the Shiva. I made it back from a Basestar and a cold cell. A few nights on a battlecruiser is not a big deal."
She looked away, closing her eyes, and he thought she might be praying. He pulled her close and did the same thing, begging the Lords to keep her and his child safe until his return. He ended it by whispering in her ear, "I love you and I know you love me. Nothing can keep us apart."
Her silence was deafening and he reminded himself that platitudes didn't go over well with her or any of the Copper Squadron, even if they were heartfelt. So he held on and opted for the truth, raw and ugly.
"I don't want to go and I begged the Commander to find someone else for this. You might be able to convince me to let you come with me so don't try too hard. I am going to be worried about you the whole time and completely worthless. I would rather go through cylon torture again, at least there we were together."
"You said it yourself, it's just the Shiva. I could come," she tried again and he had to admire her tenacity. In a way he would love the time of the two of them alone together on the battlecruiser. But this wasn't a pleasure cruise, it was a warship and this might be a trap. He tossed out another point neither had considered.
"You would be leaving the kids behind and they're still recovering from almost losing you on Caprica. Sure, we could get a shuttle and take them, but we don't want them on a ship in the rear of the fleet with possible enemy contact. A basestar is trailing us, possibly two. "
She sighed heavily, "I don't want my kids anywhere in this fleet. But, I could still come. If you face the enemy you'll need more pilots."
"Don't keep tempting me sweet lady. I want you there, but that leaves Jake, Nik and Lizbet running the show here. If you're okay with that…" he left the obvious unstated, that those three were not equipped to keep the large family together.
"It's how we did it on Dilmun" she rebutted, but she looked away, a sure sign that she agreed with his point. They did it because they had to, it didn't mean they did it well.
He tried to quell his own desires to have her with him, to put her and his child"s needs before his own. "I want you there, I do, but I thought you were working with Peryton? Something about exploding things. You know how you like explosions with your morning Java, and if I do this right, we avoid the whole shooting and fireworks. It might be boring, and I'm back in a cycle. I'm only going because Adama can't and for some stupid reason they think I might be good at seeing through mong and felgercarb."
She sighed again, but wouldn't look at him, and he brought his hand up to stroke her cheek, guiding her back to make eye contact. "And there's the injury you're dealing with. You shouldn't be flying if you can't see straight. A good warrior knows their limitations."
Her eyes flashed in irritation and she was about to speak but he cut her off.
"If it is the luxury liner Dante left behind then this should just be a wasted trip for me to play the hero and rescue them, and then I'll be right back here to collect more gold clusters."
Rene's eyes flashed green, something he'd not seen before, but he didn't have time to wonder what it meant.
"Probably you'll save some beautiful damsel in distress like you do on every mission. Try to remember I'm the only one you should be rescuing. I promise to lay low and wait patiently, if you promise to stay out of trouble. No storming castles or sneaking onto basestars."
"Deal," he said and sealed the bargain with a kiss. He held her and wished they could stay here for the rest of the night, but he wasn't going to be able to. His brain was working even if his body wasn't. He had things to take care of before leaving, plus he had another fight to lose before the day was done. He squeezed her tight before telling her, "I'm not done for the day. I promised Jake he could punch me, and I need to check on the patrol schedules, clear up some paperwork in the duty office and double check the supplies for our family. I don't know if I am leaving tomorrow or the next. We are taking this one slow, unlike when we found you and your message. We think it might actually be a cylon trap so it might be up to a section that I am gone.."
"What?!"
"We're taking it slow, making sure it's for real and not a trap. Might take a while."
"No, the first part. You are going to let Jake punch you? Why?"
Starbuck shook his head, chuckling. "That's what got your attention? Not finding colonial vessels from Dante's fleet or that the enemy might be close? No, of course not. It's Jake that gets your attention. I heard you two were squabbling, and I agree with what you did today. Adama is talking about giving you a medal. You might get your own gold clusters for helping us find something resembling a log from Dante. But I understand why Jake might be pissed. I'd rather he take it out on me rather than you."
Rene shook her head before she pulled away, starting to get out of the bed. He reached for her, trying to pull her back. She stilled for only a moment before turning to look at him. "Have you gone insane? He can do some damage."
"And you think I can't? I play triad. I can do some damage."
She shook her head at him. "No. We are not ending today in the Life Center for either of you." She pulled away again, but he moved faster, wrapping his arms around her.
"I'm not going to hurt him, and he's not going to hurt me. He's angry and frustrated, sure, but he has a right to be. I'm just going to let him vent some of that rage, like I let you vent some of it here with me. Only I don't feel like fracking Jake tonight."
"You think you're funny don't you?"
"Yeah, only because I am. You think he's my first angry pilot or my first fight? You saw me with Pallus. I beat him, admit it."
"With some coaching, yeah. Not on your own." She said, turning to him, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "I like your pretty face. Actually, I own your pretty face and I'm not letting Jake frack it up. Now let me up, I'm coming with you."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said, but he let her go. She headed for the turbo to get dressed and he lay there for a moment, appreciating the silken sheets, planning to come back and enjoy them. He decided he should finish up his list of chores so maybe he could get a full night's sleep.
He gathered up his uniform, made his way to the turbo, impressed with the size of it. Still no bathing tub, but this turbo stall actually had room for the two of them. He intended to put that to use after he gave Jake a good shot at him in triad. He was going to lose, but not by much. He was the fleet tourney champ, several times in a row. He had a reputation to protect..
He watched his wife get dressed. She looked like she was doing better than before, but she also moved slowly,deliberately.
"You are okay, right?" he asked, and she nodded at him mumbling a yes. "I should have told you about how Ari died."
She froze at the words, breathing slowly, before moving again,not looking at him. "Sagan sakes, Starbuck," she choked.
He took the hint to drop the subject and pulled on his pants and tunic, tossing the flight suit on a hook for another day. She moved past him to their room, and he followed, finding his boots.
Her silence was too much and he couldn't let it drop. "Rene?"
She froze again before saying, "I heard you. I don"t know what you want me to say. I should have remembered. I don"t blame you for that. I blame the fracking cylons. Can we not talk about it, okay? I have relived it too many times and it's …it's right there. His face, his body, everything." Her voice rose in distress.
"Hey, hey," he went to her, to pull her into his arms, but she backed away, hands up.
"I'm okay. I am. Head is just scrambled and memories just keep popping up, a lot of them and they aren't in order, and most of them aren't good…fraking cylons and brain scans and…concussion. I can't see straight, things are blurry. I saw Dixon. He says to give it time, but all the voices say I don't have time, and you're leaving and…Just…Just don't okay?"
"Don't what?" he asked, needing to help, needing to hold her again.
"Stop apologizing. You didn't do it. I did. I should have kept him on the Galactica. It's where you should be too and I'm sick of not being able to control anything in my life! Bad enough that the cylons have complete control of everything, but then this," she indicated the black eye. "And where we live and where we go and not being able to fly or do practically anything…" She halted, taking a deep cleansing breath, her whole demeanor changing in that one instant as she let the frustration go, and took on the facade of calm. "I'm okay. I am. I have to be. So stop asking."
He nodded, and fought his instinct to tell her she could be truthful with him with how she was doing. But he also heard the desperation in her voice. In a day or two, he wouldn't be here to help keep her and everything together. She was doing what she could in a tough situation and he was going to let her have her coping mechanisms, at least until he returned.
"Okay. Message received. Have you eaten yet, because I haven't. Then I need to find Jake and," he held up his own hands to her coming objection, "I won't let him do any damage. Just some triad and maybe a drink or two. You can referee. Agreed?"
"Yes. You know he doesn't fight fair. He's always armed."
"I know. That's why the triad. Hard to hide weapons in those outfits."
She nodded her head, conceding his point. An agreement was made and they finished putting themselves back together, Rene opting for civilian clothes while he kept the uniform, wishing like hades he could leave it on a hook and climb back into bed.
They headed into the main room together, hands clasped and he found his cold plate waiting for him. He had her take a seat as the kids all came to her while he took his plate to rewarm the food and get her one. When he came back out of the kitchen, Nik had the kids settled in front of the IFB for their favorite puppet show. He and Rene ate in silence until the return of Jolly who filled the space with his gentle voice detailing the day's move and the gossip around the ship. Jolly told him that Giles was doing okay, as was Maia. They just needed some time alone. Jolly had been by to see them delivering a bottle of ambrosia and a decent meal.
"Figured they deserved something good today. Giles says they are going to try again," Jolly said.
"Nice to see he's optimistic. Are you up for helping with one more thing?" Starbuck asked.
"For you, anything," Jolly answered.
"Jake needs to blow off some steam. I thought having you on my triad team might even the score a little."
"You know I suck at Triad, right?" Jolly said laughing.
"The point isn't to win. The point is to keep him from killing me."
"Oh, so we're going to a fight and a triad game broke out, is that it?"
"Yes, and my wife likes me looking pretty. One black eye per couple."
"Well, pretty must be in the eye of the beholder, and in your case some bruises and scars might be an improvement. They'll break up the monotony of your face," Jolly joked back.
They took the time to wash up their plates, as Starbuck marveled once again that the quarters were an improvement over their old ones, the food prep area was actually big enough for several people to move around, maybe even feed the kids in there and save the carpets on the floor from the mess. Carpets, another luxury not found in many areas of the Galactica. They were moving up in the world, he mused, before it struck him that his own idiom was a mistake. This was no world. The rats were trying their best to make it a home, but it was still a steel cage. He hoped to do something about that soon.
