THIS WAS FUN TO WRITE :))) AM I CRAZY IF I'M LAUGHING AT MY OWN FICTIONS ? :)))

" I thought that the reason why you tormented me the way you did this morning, was precisely to prevent this…" the Warrior Princess stated on a playful tone that was probably supposed to unconsciously mask her sudden concern. " A girl can't trust anyone these days…"

" I told you I should have tied your hands up, but you never listen, do you? I could have pushed deeper... " the God replied, and despite the fact that the last thing he was feeling during those terribly long seconds was amusement, he couldn't help the light little chuckle that escaped his throat the moment he heard her laughing nervously at her own line.

" I'm glad that even in dramatic situations such as this one, I can still entertain you."

" Well, that's the only thing you seem to be doing right lately, so…"she bit, moaning throatily as he removed her blood soaked bandage.

" That's only because you've been keeping me at bay ever since you decided that I wasn't good enough for you anymore…" he reminded her, trying hard not to sound too accusing.

The mere mention of the subject was reason enough to set the Warrior Princess ablaze though, and in spite of the distressing sensation of blood now trickling freely down her breast, she focused all her energy on at least mentally attacking the God.

" It might have slipped your flawless mind that you kept me locked in that accursed fortress for months as if I had been some caged animal! Does it actually surprise you that I want nothing to do with you any more?!" she growled, glaring daggers at him.

When he answered, Ares' voice was still apparently calm and unaffected by her upfront reproach, but she could clearly see that she had struck a chord.

" And what might have slipped your mind, my dear, is that your sick, devious little brain had been planning an assault on mount Olympus- and as much as the idea appeals to me - the thought itself can still bring me on the brink of orgasm, by the way- we both know that you wouldn't have made it alive out of that battle….Neither of us, to be more accurate…" he casually counterattacked while with a wave of his hand he made clean cloths, water and ointments appear on the small nightstand near her bed.

" Oh please! That was hardly an excuse to hold me captive !"

" You're just overreacting. You were hardly a prisoner; you had all the fortress at your disposal and an army of priestesses at your every beck and call…Plus, how exactly would you have expected me to find a way to neutralize the power of the Dark Chakram and keep an eye on you at the same time? A few more days and that nightmarish full scale attack against dear old Dad and his gang would have been as real as the air we breathe...and with a tragic outcome, to top it all! I needed to do something about it didn't I? You weren't precisely thinking straight..."

" I could control myself!" she barked angrily, but despite her loud tonality she didn't sound pretty convinced of her own words...And how could she have been?

"Right….just like that time when you massacred all the northern cities under the pretext that they were secretly building an alliance with Macedonia, conspiring to go up against you when in fact most of those pathetic mortals had never held a sword in their hands…like ever in their lives?! "

"Well who was it that gave me that accursed weapon in the first place?! "

" It was a mistake that I've lived to regret, wouldn't you say?" he asked a bit sharply, while carefully cleaning the area around her wound to prevent infection and gently applying a new layer of herbal mixture on the surface of the laceration to help stop the bleeding.

It had been indeed a stupid, very stupid and deplorable mistake…Even the disty Aphrodite had warned him about it….Enslaved by his legendary self destructive pride and thirst for power, as he was, he had naturally refused to listen though….Consequently, he was still paying the price….Both of them were.

" …How about you almost beating me to death after that night with Hercules? Was that a mistake too?"

" You shouldn't have pushed me the way you did and you know it. Getting back at me by having sex with that spoiled loser was definitely the worst idea you've ever had."

" Don't even dare put the bl…." she began, but as soon as a fresh bandage covered her shoulder, her chance to throw some more things in his face was gone, his full attention now focused solely on the sheer rage radiating from the intense blue of her moons and on the drugging sound of the blood boiling inside her veins.

The violent kiss that followed knocked the breath out of her, throwing her mind into a sweet swirl of numbing oblivion …His lips were firm and possessive as he claimed her, tasting like sweet, summer wine, raw power, and excitement. Why on Zeus' green earth was she even fighting this again, she had to ask herself ? Her poor heart had been hurting terribly all that time, and having to constantly pretend otherwise felt like Tartarus...

On the other hand, a slightly different question kept nagging the God's placid serenity. He would have done everything in the world for this irritatingly stubborn and frustrating woman but somehow, he always ended up hurting her…How was that even possible…?

"I love you…" he unhurriedly whispered against her lips once he pulled away an inch, his forehead resting against her own briefly before leaning down to kiss the area between her jaw and ear. " Everything I've ever done was in your best interest, even when I only managed to screw what we had big time…and I miss you so much, Sweet…" he said, his lips now brushing temptingly against her earlobe.

" Stop it…" she murmured, back, barely finding the right words, barely regaining the ability to string a sentence together….This wasn't right and she knew it…It was not why she was even there in the first place…Too much had happened between them to just give in and listen to her aching heart...

"Can you deny it….?"

" Was framing me for murder also in my best interest? …Or embodying my father…? And how about that time when you asked the Furies to …"

" I didn't know what else to do.." he cut in, know searching for her gaze. " …you sure struggled to burn all the bridges between us…"

" And I had all the reasons in the world to do just that!" she pointed out, clinging desperately to the same reasons she had ceaselessly repeated in her head, over and over again ever since she had left him.

He refused to budge one inch.

"Fine….." he agreed, softly caressing her cheek with his thumb, and only then did it hit him that despite having forcefully kissed her, she hadn't made the minimum of effort to push him away…..His heart fluttered wildly at the realization. " …You were right to be angry at me…but stop pushing me out of your life... Haven't you punished me long enough already?"

" Not really….no" she sternly replied, arching a harsh eyebrow at him, only to rapidly change her expression when she noticed the pain engraved on his godly features.

" Ares….I know you don't feel the same, but we can't possibly go back to what we had….Me leading your armies, that will never happen again…Not in this lifetime…I'm not what you want…what you need…Not any more…."

" What are you talking about? I've been around for a few millennia now, Xena….I know what I want…I want my Princess…"

" You want the warrior in me! You want the power... you want the thrill of battle, the blood and the challenge…."

" I want you…" the words left his lips, so powerfully clear that for a second there, she was speechless.

She just shook hear head, looking aside, trying hard too keep her cool…In a way, she didn't belong to him anymore, and it pained her dearly to get her her treacherous, unreasonable heart to admit it…

"I'm not the one you love…not any more…The time for you and me has been and gone..Just accept it and let's get this over with."

It was a heart wrenching conclusion…. Luckily, Ares wasn't the type of man to take NO for an answer….or to ever accept defeat for that matter…There was no defeat in his vocabulary….minor setback, temporary delay maybe, but defeat…? Never.

" Meet me half way…." he proposed.

" What?!"

" Look...I'm willing to accept the fact that you conquering the known world for me is not an option, that saving the coward and fighting Cyclops is your new hobby, Tartarus I can even accept the fact that the blonde Harpie is your new lapdog….but gimme me another chance here, it's all I'm asking….."

She was speechless.

"Are you serious?! "

" Do I look like I'm joking?"

" You do realize that as your Chosen, I will no longer lead your armies, shout your name in battle …"

" As long as you shout it in bed, it's perfectly fine by me. " he responded with a boysih smile, without sounding the least offensive though.

Nevertheless, before our Warrior Princess even managed to process that information, the Bard's restless voice was already grazing their eardrums in the most unpleasant of ways…..

XXX

I just couldn't believe it, dear Papyrus….How could I have missed it all that time? He was sooooooooooo ….I can't even find the right word to describe him, I mean that deep, dark gaze, the seductive danger radiating from his perfectly sculpted body….those rock hard muscles…And most importantly, how could I have been so blind?! I mean, he always used to drop by for one reason or the other- under the lame pretext that he had a bone to pick with Xena, when in fact it was little ol' me he was after! – making silly remarks whenever I was around…He must have been so nervous every time we crossed paths…..

With those thoughts in mind, I literally ran down the long corridor, heading towards my wounded friend's room. I just had to share with her my latest revelation, certain that she was going to feel exceedingly relieved to find out that she had nothing to worry about any more….Ares was not after her…he was after me! He was in love with me!

You can obviously imagine my shock when I pushed the doors open and saw him by her side on the bed, his hands caressing her ….chest…..

" What's going on here?"

The words left my lips almost mechanically while I kept staring at them in utter disbelief. This was not something I had expected to see….

"Excuse me?!" my dark Prince Charming replied, a bit taken aback by the acid in my usually soft and tender voice…Oh how he hated to see me upset!

"I mean…uh….is Xena ok ?!" I mumbled, seeing the bandages on the nightstand. They were soaked in blood , so I made an effort to conceal my rage, but I just couldn't help throwing the Princess a sharp enough gaze to let her know that only because she had been careless enough as to let an arrow hit her that didn't mean she had a right to try and seduce my man….

"Since you asked, she actually was, until a few seconds ago….more than ok that is…" Ares answered in a low, velvety voice….

Have I ever told you about his voice, dear Papyrus….? It is always deep and husky and….mmmm…Let's just say that it's the kind of voice that could easily make a girl reach the conclusion that she is overly dressed….I sure had that sensation when he turned around to look at me….His eyes roamed up and down my body for a few delicious seconds, and I was officially on fire….

Despite my utter excitement though, I didn't miss that last part of his reply. I immediately frowned at him.

" What is that supposed to mean?"

"I've just started bleeding again." Xena answered instead. The two faced bimbo! She was trying to trick him into feeling sorry for her…..I mean come on, she had been hit by an arrow, not a Scythian battle axe ! Did I just call her a bimbo? Why did I do that?!

"Oh….." I answered, a bit relieved that it was not what I had initially imagined. Something was still bothering me though…. " And you were trying to stop the bleeding by caressing her…bandage?" I asked, fully ignoring Xena and focusing solely on my new found flame.

"I was told it works in most of the cases. "he nonchalantly responded, obviously trying to make me jealous, probably testing the waters, unsure of my feelings….. Nevertheless, that didn't mean I liked the fact that he was standing that close to Xena !

" It doesn't seem to be one of the cases, now is it…? " I retorted, closing in the distance between us, blood racing in my veins when he was just an arm's length away….

All this time, he couldn't take his eyes off me ….Sketching a faint smile, I grabbed him by the arm- the perfect excuse to touch him. I couldn't help shivering at the contact. His skin was warm, radiating power and ….and his perfume….it was, oh Gods…..addictive…!

"Move it !" I then exclaimed, pulling him up and taking a seat in his place , on Xena's side. " You don't have the slightest clue about what you should be doing here. "

XXX

There was definitely something wrong with the Bard. Ever since she had set foot into the room, I could feel her gaze lingering on me, scanning every inch of my body as if I were some piece of big, juicy stake….Maybe she was just hungry….Damn Draja! I told her to ask if she needed anything!

And then, all of the sudden, no warning, no nothing, the savage brute grabbed my arm and pulled me away from my Princess. The bitch! Needless to say, I was stunned! What in the name of the Fates was she doing?! Was she suicidal or something?!

" Wh….?"

" I almost opened my own hospice, you know? I'm an expert." she boasted,literally leaving me agape. Was that supposed to mean anything?!...And there it was again, that large, silly smile….And the way she was batting her eyelashes…was she flirting with me?! Neah….it couldn't be….I must have been seeing things…

"A hospice…." I incredulously repeated, arching my eyebrows at the information.

"Yep…"she answered proudly, while wrapping another piece of cloth around Xena's shoulder and waist.

"To treat the dead?" I immediately challenged. I couldn't help myself, really. I just had to take advantage of the opportunity.

Mocking her each time I get the chance has been one of my favorite hobbies for the past year, and the fact that she had had the guts to imply that I the God of War - don't know the first thing about treating an injury….that was unpardonable…

"The wounded. " she made sure to clarify while taking yet another piece of cloth from the nightstand...Was she trying to turn my Princess into an Egyptian mummy?

"The wounded dead?"

" Ha ha! Laugh all you want , but you have to admit that's pretty impressive. I can be a very tenacious woman if properly motivated…" she added, drilling me with her gaze, and making sure to bite her lower lip in the most ridiculous, sluttish way I have ever seen….

Just to spell it out for everyone, I have always hated this type of women- the ones that represent no challenge at all, the ones that require no special effort what so ever and that I can fuck whenever and however I want because a mere snap of my fingers would be more than enough to have them knelling at my feet while unfastening my belt….She obviously made no exception….

" I would have never cared enough to guess.." I made sure to let her know, aware of just how deep that must have cut.

" Ouch! " my Princess suddenly exclaimed, frowning a bit when the Harpy touched her shoulder.

"Hey! Watch it!" I jumped, barely restraining the need to grab her by the hair and drag her out of the room….Xena's discreet sign to leave her alone, unfortunately forced me to swallow my own words….

"Did I press too hard…? Sorry….I guess I don't know my own strength…" she mumbled the excuse, only making me wanna wipe the floor with her even more.

" So….about that hospice….What happened? Why didn't you open it up?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence that followed or better said, trying to divert my attention from that ceaseless voice in my head telling me to slap her silly.

" I realized I didn't belong there…"

The thought itself made me laugh….

" Allow me to disagree….That would definitely be the right place for you…"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear the sarcasm in your voice…" she bit this time, looking almost….hurt….Score one for the War God- for me that is . I sure hadn't lost my touch.

"Don't. I meant every word! " I stung , and my reward came the very next second when a shade of dissatisfaction darkened her face. Oh, the joy!

" You know…come to think about it, I'm feeling unusually generous today!" I continued as a marvelous idea flashed through my mind…I couldn't be that lucky though…." I could donate one of my temples to you. You could …treat the healthy, sicken the dead, experiment on kidnapped children…and eat organs or whatever it is was that you wanted to do in the first place….You could rot there for the rest of your life, doing what you like most…" I said- a priceless suggestion, you have to admit it.

" Very funny…" she barked, feigning a very artificial smile. "You know Ares….."

"Hmmm?"

"I think we started off on the wrong foot here, you and I" she continued, rising from the bed, a very familiar fever in her eyes as she came closer to me….

It was official…The Bard had gone cuckoo…..

"….For Xena's sake , we should try to get along."

….Crazy indeed….

XXX

I could definitely tell that something was wrong with Gabrielle….She wasn't acting like her normal self, and that goofy smiled plastered on her lips whenever Ares looked at her….Something wasn't quite right…

Whatever it was though, it could wait…And all the attention that she was giving Ares had at least momentarily pulled me out of the spotlight….He loved teasing her- he hated her with a passion so his attitude wasn't precisely surprising,….He still saw her as one of the main reasons why I had been ignored him all that time, as a firm anchor that was keeping me away from him, away from his grasp….

Perfect! It was exactly the diversion I needed to keep his mind busy, and to give me a bit of space and time to think about everything that he had said….

"That's the best thing I've heard all day. "I rushed to agree once I heard my friend's proposal, partially thrilled by the perspective of him getting a taste of his own medicine for once…

He simply pretended that he had missed my remark, just like he always did whenever he was forced to deal with something that he didn't like. Instead, he mockingly examined Gabrielle's state for a couple of seconds.

" No alcohol…her pupils aren't dilated….No visible sign of head trauma….Do you have any case of dementia in the family? Even distant relatives count…" he asked, in an almost professional tone, rubbing his goatee pensively.

"I'm serious…"Gabrielle answered, rolling her eyes at his childish reaction.

"Me too." he replied, casting a bemused glance my way. I tried hard not to burst into laughter…Encouraging him was definitely not a good idea.

"No. …sorry to disappoint you. " Gabrielle's line came with no delay.

" Oh….Well, no need to worry about it, anyway- the getting along thing-… We can definitely keep avoiding each other, stay out of each other's way…that should solve the problem…."

" No, no, no! I insist. We should spend some time together, that's what we should do! " my friend quickly contradicted, her hand now smoothing down the collar of his leather vest.

"Sound like a plan!" I made sure to intervene, smiling candidly while digging an even deeper hole for him to jump into….."You should definitely make an effort to find common ground…"

" A ridiculously lame idea." he defensively protested, panic now written all over his face…" Plus, that's not even a plan, that's a suicide mission. "

" Don't be such a baby! It will help us discover new things about each other…." Gabrielle tried to reason with him, paying no mind to the fact that he had just pushed her hand away from his chest in an almost brutish manner.

" What I know about you is more than enough, thank you..!"

" Don't be so sure….You might be surprised…" she replied in a honeyed tone that was definitely meant to be seductive, but that for Ares must have sounded completely repulsive. I know him far to well to tell that he has never been the fan of any type of upfront approach when it comes to women… In his twisted vision, there are only three types of females on the planet anyway : the sluts- the existence of which he occasionally appreciated when he was blind drunk- the virgins-which he has always considered mentally disturbed - and I...

" Once we bond…." Gabrielle continued only to be swiftly interrupted by his cynical sneering.

"Bond?! You and I?" he incredulously asked, flashing her a deadly glare. It was a ridiculously funny situation really, but- despite my previous few hours of sleep- I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open….I couldn't help wondering what had happened to Gabrielle though…Bacchic wine most likely, my brain automatically offered the answer….Ares used to stash his temples with bottles…

"Yeah! Why not?!"

"Because it's against the laws of nature….What planet are you coming from? Gods and Harpies don't mix well..!" he fought back, his suddenly restless gaze shifting from her to me more and more frequently, probably waiting for a life saving intervention from my part…It never came though, on the contrary..

" Aressss!" I reprimanded, frowning lightly at his statement.

" She wants to bond." he announced as if I hadn't been there all that time, watching them bicker.

" Nobody died because of that, Ares…" I critically retorted, refusing to help.

"….Up to now…" he answered on the tone of a frightened little girl who was right about to be eaten by the big, bad wolf…He was such a baby sometimes!

" Don't worry! I won't bite…" Gabrielle tried to help him relax…." Unless you want me to!"

She was definitely drunk….

"Xena?" he asked in a small, barely audible voice. This time, despite the burning pain in my shoulder, a wave of impossibly to repress laughter seized me. The scene was absolutely hilarious.

"You should give it a try! We might be here for awhile... The least you could do is find a way to be in the same room for five minutes without biting each other's head off…Now get out of here, both of you and let me rest. I can hardly keep my eyes open!"

XXX

Needless to say, that kind of statement was all the incentive the Bard needed in order to grab a hold of the War God's arm and storm merrily out the door, without casting one single glance behind at her wounded friend…

" Shall we? We have a lot of catching up to do….a lot of unfamiliar territory to discover…."

"We do?! "

"Sure we do….What would you like to start with….? I could tell you all about my scrolls and you could tell me about your …sword…or about your …passions…"

"About my passions?"

"….Yeah, you know, hobbies and stuff, what else?! Oh you bad boy you!...I swear I could listen to that sexy voice of yours all day long!….Did I just say that out loud?! she giggled, pinching his butt.

" Hey! No touching, Bard! That's sexual harassment!" the God shrieked, his hand pulling almost instinctively the sword out of his leather scabbard.

" What?! I heard you like it rough….!" Gabrielle explained, totally unimpressed by the fact that he was holding the razor sharp blade against her neck. " And, I also heard that you can be the perfect gentleman when you want to, so there's no need to start screaming like a lunatic, ok? "

"Did Xena say that?!" he quickly asked, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

"Forget about Xena. She's bleeding…resting…" she quickly corrected her mistake. " Let's talk about something else…"

"I don't do talking."

"Sure you do! You know what your problem is?! You haven't found the right woman yet to make you want to let it all out, that's all!"

It was the dumbest thing the God had heard in years….Actually he had been sharing a love-hate relationship with that precise type of woman for awhile now….The only question was how to get her to trust him again….

XXX

The dark haired, petite Olympian made an appearance as soon as Draja called out her name.

"Speak up, priestess. I don't have all day."

" I have news, my Goddess….."