As if they had no care in the world, chatting merrily about how crucial proper hair care was and how many problems could be avoided by simply using effective, high quality face masks three times a week, Aphrodite and the Ultimate Lover materialized in the Great Hall of Olympus, where, judging by everyone's stern expression, things might have been just a tad a more serious than the ditsy sister of War had anticipated.
As soon as they made an appearance, all words died on the lips of everyone present and they suddenly went as quiet as a tomb stone; one could literally hear Zeus' vulture flapping anxiously its wings outside while passing by the balcony…..
" Like that was precisely my point, Stud! I mean….no normal female on this planet would accept wearing such dress….! You should have seen her, I swear, totally outta fashion!"
" I just can't believe it was black leather…..Ughhhh! I can barely say it out loud! It's almost as lame as this thing you forced me to wear...I'm gonna be depressed about it for weeks...months...who knows?! Even years..."
" I know and I'm sorry but there was no other way. Trust me I get it. Anyway, I'm still haunted by the image…" the Goddess pointed out, shaking her head disapprovingly while they were lazily heading for their thrones, without bothering to look left or right, way too caught up in their conversation to notice anything else.
" Poor woman….Who else saw her….?!"
" That's the drama…Half of the Persian pantheon was already at the party….But everyone knows, I'm sure. Gossips usually spread like wildfire. I wish I had been there to see it for myself"
" Oh dear! That's not a drama sweetie, that's a tragedy!" Lover Boy answered – in the most gay like voice imaginable- looking as if he had just witnessed a battle scene of the Trojan war.
"Are you done role playing for the day?!"" their father raucous voice suddenly made them aware of their surroundings.
"Is he talking to me?" Lover Boy asked Aphrodite, staring in awe at the shining lightening bolt Zeus was now gripping even tighter in his hand.
Hardly had the Love Goddess managed to tell him to mumble an excuse and sit down that he was hit square in the chest by that electrifying weapon that sent him flying to the other side of the room, smashing his immortal body against the stairs leading up to Athena's golden throne.
" Nice shot!" the Goddess of Wisdom couldn't help herself… Seeing her brother in trouble- preferably licking the floor if possible- was her favourite pastime after all.
" You irresponsible child! How many centuries still have to pass for you to learn the importance of punctuality?!" he roared, making yet another lightening bolt appear in his hand while he headed towards his son, his voice reverberating with barely suppressed anger.
" You savage brute! What's wrong with you?! " Ares' copy inquired, his eyes wide in consternation.
" What did you say?!" Zeus barked in his turn, impulsively raising his hand to obliterate him from existence.
"….That you're a savage mummy who has no idea what manners are in the first place! Just look what you've done to my….costume ! " the God shrieked, looking in disbelief at his half carbonized leather vest.
" He's drunk, Daddy…" the Love Goddess clarified, grabbing the King's wrist before he acted on his murderous thoughts. " That's why we were late….He was puking his guts out in front of a brothel in Corinth…. Just ….give him a few minutes to sober up…" she advised, hugging him and placing a tender kiss on his cheek…..A cheap means to distract him that's for sure, but it worked nonetheless given that a growl and some more unintelligible curses later, the Olympian king was heading back to his throne, much to Athena's dismay.
Casting a long, worried look at her so called brother, Aphrodite furrowed her brows…. Ares had been right….This was a terrible idea….
XXX
In the meantime, the real War God- who had just woken up- carefully reactivated the protection shield around Xena, also making her invisible to mortal eyes and was desperately trying to contact his sister. Even if his own life depended on it- though in a way it did since an eternity without his Princess was even worse than no life at all- he couldn't figure it out…The essence of pure love…..What in Tartarus was that? Damn those stupid folktales! Couldn't they have just mentioned the cure and get it done with?
Half an hour of pointless telepathic attempts later, he just gave it up, and, having released his frustration by throwing a few fire balls in one of the walls, he placed a loving kiss on his Chosen's forehead and decided to do the next best thing- ask for the help of another Love Goddess….There were several of them in the world and despite their differences- he said to himself- they operated according to the same principles, so they should be able to give him the needed information…The only problem with that was that actually getting one of them to spill the secret was going to be a close to impossible goal to achieve since he wasn't really on good terms with…any of them…..Just so you understand, he wasn't on good terms is just a mild way of saying that those good looking immortal ladies hated his gusts…..And boy, they did have their reasons…..!
" So…let's see…What are our chances…..? So many options, so little time... " he murmured, thinking out loud as he made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, materializing a piece of parchment and a quill in his hand . " Xochipilli of the Aztecs….." he wrote down, and a smug smile instantly formed on his lips at the memory….."She is smart enough to know the answer but she probably still wants me dead after I cheated on her with the high priestess at that orgy….Women….always so spiteful….." he said, crossing out the name as soon as he realized just how much that first idea sucked….
" Next…..Astarte of Mesopotamia…" he wrote, licking his lips at what appeared to be a very pleasant memory…." Damn….too bad Amytis was so jealous….The threesomes we shared…." he stated with a sigh, regret in his eyes "…..we were good together….That woman could suck cock like none other and Astarte….she had the naughtiest ass I've ever seen….And whenever Nabucco joined us….I don't even want to go there…." he explained to an unseen audience, crossing this second name from the list and closing his eyes for a second while trying to find a Love Goddess who didn't daydream about cutting out his heart with a spoon and eat it in front of him….
" Yue Lao….?" he asked as if someone had whispered the name to him…." Maybe….but not wise…..Her father was pretty clear the last time we met…If I ever set foot in Chin again he will break the alliance with Greece and side with the Indian pantheon against us…..Zeus would castrate me and force me to clean the latrines in Athena's temples for the rest of eternity..." he mused, caressing his goatee while waiting for a more promising name to flash into his mind…..
" Hathor…-goddess of the sky, love beauty and music….Pretty gifted huh? Too bad she had that thing for horses….It took me awhile to have an erection again after I saw that monster cock sliding inside her…" he remembered, his lips twisting in disgust at the thought. " …Still , she might just want to help provided I play my cards right…" he concluded, circling the name while already considering other option…..
"Ok….so….Hathor could be our salvation Honey….Now, for the back up plan…..Let's see….Turan of the Etruscans. She's a needy little bitch, and we did share some memorable moments, but since Aphrodite's influence in the area has grown she has been working against us…..So no…Plus, ever since I told Thor that she screams like a mad cow when she comes, I heard she hates me with a passion ..." he concluded letting out a huffed breath and raking his fingers through his hair.
"Freya ….- death and sexuality….She should know a few things about classic love as well. " he continued "... though Ziva would probably be a better choice- love and family beats rough sex in this case….."
He then frowned involuntarily while trying to remember just what had been the reason for which the Slavic Goddess had told him she never wanted to see him again in her life.
" Did I cheat on her? I don't think so, I was quite bewitched by the way in which her boobs moved while she rode me." he pensively said, chewing on his lower lip while trying to accurately recall the fatal reasons that led to their separation….." Whatever it was, it must have been my fault anyway…." he finally concluded, a large smile lightening his face as his brain cleared up the problem…." Oh yeah…..she was a family kind of gal….She wanted a peaceful life and several brats running around loose….That must have been it! …." he added, glancing wistfully at the barely breathing Warrior Princess and, taking her hand in his, he slowly brought it to his lips and placed a light kiss on her knuckles. " Just so you know, you're the only woman in the world for whom I'd ever accept living such dreadful nightmare…..If that's what would make you happy, that is…."
