I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS:))) ENJOY :)

The very second Ares vanished from Xena's room, in the Great Hall, Gabrielle was slowly opening her eyes. She took a long, wandering gaze at her surroundings, and she gasped in surprise at the strangely blended elements…..furniture and trees had never looked right together…..And just what was with all those flowers…? Plus, she could swear that there was no such thing as a golden winged centaur drinking dark chocolate from a river passing through the center of a temple …

" This is strange…." she murmured, heading in the direction of the liquid, melted chocolate, and dipping her fingers in it, unable to believe her eyes…She gasped in utter stupefaction when she realized that it tasted nothing like she would have expected it to, on the contrary, it was an amazing, exotic aroma, something between cranberry wine and Indian summer cider?!

"It sure tastes great, huh?!" a very familiar voice asked, and she mechanically lifted her head just to discover that the half horse half man staring foolishly at her now, was none other than…

"Joxer?!" she exclaimed, a double shock if you will- the moment she finally glanced back down to see what in Tartarus it was that had attracted his attention to the point that he couldn't unglue his gaze from her….She was wearing no clothes….

As if bitten by a snake , the Bard immediately jumped behind the sofa, only the top of her blond head being still perceived by the golden winged creature now.

" What are you doing here? What is this place?! What's with the river and the flower field and the trees in the middle of the room?! And why are you a horse?"

" A centaur…." the comic relief corrected, in the most serious tonality ever. " You hit your head remember? It must have something to do with it…" he then clarified, once again arching his brows as Gabrielle grabbed a blanket –that she could just swear she hadn't seen there seconds before- from the sofa and swiftly wrapped her around her naked from.

"I didn't hit my head!" she burst out angrily as a very particular memory washed over her. " It was that good for nothing idiot that hit me with the bottle! I told Xena he couldn't be trusted, but as always, she never listens!"

" Xena?! Is she here too?" Joxer asked, looking around for the Warrior Princess, as if expecting her to come out from behind a bush.

As if struggling to recall what else had happened, the Bard squinted her eyes, frowning a bit at the blurry, partial memories and fragmented events dancing chaotically inside her mind.

" She was hurt….." she finally voiced, seeming rather unsure and slightly confused by the reason of her own statement.

"Hurt?! Oh Gods! Is she ok? What happened?!" her buddy rushed to inquire, cutting in the distance between them, and touching Gabrielle's shoulder.

" I don't know…" the answer came out, sounding anything but right.

As the walls of the room began to shake under her very eyes, the Bard took a seat on the sofa, the same sofa on which, some indefinite time before, she and Ares had been…..

"Oh no, no. no! That can't have happened! It must have been a nightmare. That's right….I must have fallen asleep and….."she blabbered, shaking her head uncontrollably from left to right and from right to left, while cracking her fingers nervously.

"You rubbed his cock." Joxer bluntly stated, giving her a compassionate look, one that for some reason, made Gabrielle feel like she was about to vomit. " And he fucked you with his fin…."

"Shhhhhh! Don't you dare say that out loud!" she hissed, glaring daggers at her paradoxically dumb but all knowing friend. " What do you know, anyway?! You're a horse! "

"A golden winged centaur!" he corrected again, neighing demonstratively a couple of times…..

" Why are you a centaur again!?" she finally found herself compelled to ask before, right out of nowhere, the place started to spin and spin and spin again…

" What's going on?"

XXX

At pretty much the same time, up on Olympus, the fake Ares was he himself living a nightmare- a drama of his own….Apart from Aphrodite- who was wearing the cutest pink dress imaginable- all the other Gods looked as if they were heading to a piñata party…Wherever he looked, he felt like puking his guts out….

" Seriously now, can't you do something about their clothes?! I haven't seen anything more hideous in my life, doll! And like what's up with those haircuts?! They look as if Dionysus has been playing hairstylist after having finished the last barrel of wine from his cellar!" he whispered, a little louder than he had intended, making both Athena and Hermes glare daggers his way.

"Believe me, I tried! I had to give up and sound the retreat in the end though, for it was a nerve racking and time consuming activity! They're hopeless!" she explained, making a coral feathered fan- perfectly matching her organza dress- appear in her tiny hand, and waving it vigorously in her face, she desperately tried to chase the heat away. "I swear this horrible sun is going to ruin my make up!"

"I totally get you, I'm sweating already!" the copy whined, sighing like a woman ready to give birth and slumping down in his chair even more. "Anyway, gorgeous, do tell ….." he started, on a tone that instantly made Aphrodite interested in what he was about to say.

" Yeah?"

" Who's that blond, hot looking cherry pie?" he asked, biting his lower lip lustfully.

" That's ' Pollo …." the Goddess replied, giggling merrily at her new friend' s expression….."Is that love at first sight I'm seeing?!" she questioned, clapping her hands at the perspective.

" I have no idea what it is you're seeing, but I do know what I'm seeing…..the most sexy, incredibly good looking hunk on the planet….Can you see those muscles? And the way that curly golden hair falls over his eyes….?" he asked, hypnotized by the ravishing vision he had before him. " I mean, yeah, the clothes are as freaky as Tartarus, but, what's underneath them, that's what matters most…" he concluded, rubbing his erection through his dark leather pants.

" I gotta warn you, Lover, he's a bad boy…..likes to play with people's feelings…!" Dite made sure to let him know, while mentally making a plan for this new match made in the Elysian.

" A player! I like it….! Exactly my type….Is he married or something?! " he anxiously interrogated, his heart skipping a beat while waiting for the Goddess's answer.

" Married?! Pollo?! Noooooo!But he's into Xe as well. It's a good thing Bro' got to her first. They have been at each other's throat because of her for the last decade…"

" Well Ares can keep his Warrior Babe all to himself. Me and this big boy we'll have a fabulous time together….Who needs women when you have such decent package at your disposal right?!"

"Right." Dite said, chuckling at the idea….She couldn't believe it. She had thought this day was going to be absolutely dull and repetitive and there she was having the time of her life with none other than her brother's copy…Unbelievable!

" Sweetie! He's looking my way! What should I do!?"

"I don't know…..let me think…..Why don't you…."

Before the Love Goddess got the chance to tell her male friend what was the best way to get Apollo's attention in a good way, the fake Ares was already licking his lips while winking seductively at his virtual prey.

"Just tell me, is he worth the effort? Does he have a cute ass?!"

" Only the best in Olympus! …Well, the best after Bro's that is…..Bro's ass rocks!"

" You mean my ass rocks!" he emphasized, and they both burst into a loud fit of laughter.

"Ares!" Zeus' voice thundered through the Hall, furious about being yet again interrupted by his rude son's lack of manners. " What's the meaning of this?! Is there anything you'd like to share with us?!"

" Well….I'd rather not to, really….And I'm fairly certain you would agree with me on this….."

" I insist!"

" Are you sure?! It's kinda private..." the God tried to avoid an answer, the rather dumb expression on his face only managing to draw the attention of everyone in the room.

" I won't ask you again, boy! "

" I was just telling Dite here that ever since I entered the room and caught a glimpse of Apollo, my cock has been as solid as a tree trunk and I'd love nothing more than to fuck that pretty, perfectly round ass of his with it!"

Needless to say, words are useless to describe what happened afterwards...In all appearances though, this fake Ares had no clue that honesty was not always the best policy….

XXX

An intense flash of electric blue later, and Hathor's imposing stone temple was honored by the presence of a very distinguished Greek guest that made the young Egyptian priestess giggle in childish excitement, literally entranced by the sexy, masculine moves in which he advanced towards the altar table.

" They say that in Egypt one can find the most beautiful women in the world….I'd like to correct that and upgrade you to the most gorgeous women in the universe!" Ares exclaimed in a flawless Egyptian, his sensual, husky voice making them all melt like butter way before he got close enough to touch. "I'm here to speak to your Goddess. " he announced his lustful eyes roaming over their perfectly tanned bodies…." I was wondering if she was….available….?"

" And uh….who is the handsome Prince Charming looking for her?" one of them asked, shamelessly caressing his face before her other hand snaked its way into his pants, straight to his cock.

" Does it matter?" the God asked, slightly amused by the utter surprise engraved on the girl's face as she got a hold of his massive erection. "She will be just as thrilled as you are to see me…" he gloated, closing his eyes for a second as her fingers began moving up and down his love stick.

" I'm sure it's nothing too urgent….." she retorted , kneeling in front of him a moment later, ready to suck him dry. Just as her eager hands went to his belt though, he took a step back and gave her an apologetic look, before he spoke.

" I'm afraid it's pretty urgent, darling. We'll have to take a rain check on this….Do call her. I'm Ares, God of War. "

As soon as the name rolled off his tongue though, the most unusual thing happened. A rain of unheard before curses kept flowing and flowing continuously from the mouths of the shockingly outraged women….The God was stunned.

" You impotent son of a Harpy!" one of them yelled, making him wonder if he had heard her correctly the first time!

"…A good for nothing womanizer, that's what he is!"

"May Ra shorten your life!"

"May the Wise Hawk shrink your cock!"

" Why would I want him to shrink….." the God, still confused with what was going on there tried to ask, waiting for an explanation, but was quickly cut off by another voice, even more furious than the others.

" May the seven headed holy horse fuck you in the ass!"

" Your prick will rot in the Underworld!"

"Is this some kind of weird ritual you're supposed to do in order to summon your Goddess? Cause if that's the case, I really gotta tell you ladies…"

"Cut off his dick! We'll feed it to the dogs!" another one yelled, and the next thing the War God knew, they all rushed towards the altar table from where they grabbed some pretty sharp looking blades which they dipped into a ceramic vessel filled with blood…..

"Hind's blood…" he murmured, not really knowing whether he should use his powers to knock them all dead or run for his life…..He decided that the second option was the best one in this case, so his little adventure ended with a dozen priestesses howling savagely all the tortures they had in mind for him – along with several other curses that made him want to rethink his strategy when it came to fucking women- while he was rushing out the doors of the temple…

From her private chambers, Hathor, who had been watching the whole charade, was laughing her heart out. She had been waiting for a proper revenge for a long time and it seemed like that moment was finally here….