Never in his life had he ever felt so weak, so….powerless. He was a God! An Olympian God, one of the twelve, son of Zeus and Hera! He was the bloody God of War`, for crying out loud, and yet, in the end, neither his godly stamina nor all those supernatural abilities which he had been recklessly using-with or without good reason- had been of any help when it came to saving the only woman he had ever loved…
" Damn it! " he yelled at the top of his lungs, ramming his fist into the wall again, as hard as he could this time, hoping that maybe the physical pain could somehow make the emotional one go away- that it would numb his brain long enough for his heart to take a break from that agonizing pain that had taken over him…..Maybe if he forced his body to feel even the tiniest fraction of that horrible torture she must have gone through lately, he wouldn't go completely crazy …..
" Damn it…." came out a low, desperate whisper this time, his voice breaking as he rested his head against the wooden door leading to the chamber Xena was in…
For the first time in years, he felt drained, and the thought of walking inside that accursed room, only to discover that the unavoidable had happened- only to see her lying there, closer to death than she had ever been before- her mind lost in some dark corner of a realm too far for him to reach ….it was unbearable….
He felt alone…..not only sad , depressed and frustrated, but incredibly alone and…scared…..The mere possibility of losing her for good, was so overwhelming, so utterly devastating for his soul that he could hardly think straight any more…He felt as if everything inside him had broken to little pieces- an unusual sensation that he had never even believed it possible, being a God and all….Immortality was supposed to be the ultimate shield against any wretched sorrow…..it had never protected his soul from that damaging love he had always felt for her though….
He had lost her once- the moment she unexpectedly decided to leave him and the glorious path he had traced for her- and the consuming anger and suffering that had engulfed his soul back then, had nearly killed him on the inside- it sure wiped half of the Greek cities from the map until Athena convinced Zeus that it was high time they intervened, thus putting an end to the carnage he had hungrily unleashed, but this….this couldn't even be described in words….
" Dite…? " he called, in a lost, broken voice, hoping from the bottom of his mangled heart that she would hear him, that she would come…He couldn't do this alone…..For once, he felt the need of a warm hand on his shoulder, of a calming voice, of a familiar, intimate gaze…."Sis?" he tried again, louder this time, only to mutter a curse under his breath, when he realizied that she was probably still on Olympus, and that she must have preventively shut down all the connections with the rest of the world.
Having no other alternative, absently wiping those bitter tears away, his shaky hand grabbed the knob, turned it, and, an effortless push later- that pretty much cost him the rest of his energy- he entered the chamber….
Unlike the rest of the mortals who might have entered the room while he was away, he could see through the thick invisibility shield he had cautiously projected over his Chosen's sleeping form…..Yes...he could definitely see her, and looking at her- as pale as a sheet as she was, her chest barely rising and falling every now and then- all of the sudden he felt the urgency to grab a hold of something, for he could no longer feel his legs…..
He couldn't really tell how in the world he had found the strength to crawl all the way to her bed, but he did, and a few seconds later, he was lying by her side, looking as if he had been hit by a giant boulder thrown at maximum speed by a Spartan catapult.
"I'm sorry…." he murmured sadly into her hair as he pulled her into his arms….She smelled the same- the same jasmine fragrance that had haunted him so many nights after she had left, that he had lost count …By all Olympus, he loved this woman to pieces, he adored her… How on earth had he allowed this to happen- the thought sprung into his mind? He should have been more careful, he shouldn't have left her side, he should have protected her, damn it, he should have watched over her, just like he always did…
"Please forgive me…" he begged-even if she couldn't possibly hear him- kissing her forehead…
A minute later, after having once again activated the invisibility shield, he entered her dreamscape, silently praying to the Fates that it wasn't too late, that he could still have a few more moments with her before…
" Ares?!" her voice pierced the darkness that had engulfed the hills along with the trees, and, before he knew it, with a deep sigh, she threw herself in his arms, the tears streaming down her cheeks now wetting his chest…If she had only known that just moments earlier, his own face was glistening with the same salty liquid…." You came…."
He tried to speak, but no words came out of his mouth, so instead he just wrapped his own arms around her, as hard as he could, and held on to her for dear life, afraid that one second of carelessness was all it took for Oblivion to dig its monstrous claws into her and snatch her away from him …What a fool he had been to allow her to leave his side in the first place! He would have given right about anything to be able to turn back the hands of time and change that….Back then, he had stupidly chosen his pride over the boundless love he felt for her, his damned arrogance over their bumpy but intense relationship…Now, he sadly came to discover that it had been the worst decision of his life….
" Shhhhhh…." he vainly tried to comfort her, as those heartbreaking sobs refused to end.." It's ok…..I'm here now, Sweetheart, I'm here…."
" I'm so scared!" she whispered breathlessly , burying her face against his chest, breathing him in- desperately trying to cling to that overly familiar scent of his skin- the only real connection left with the world- a world that her mind was savagely rejecting lately- that had crumbled more and more until there was nothing left….Well…..almost nothing…..
He inhaled sharply the second her words reached his ears, biting his lips hard before offering an answer, struggling to keep calm, to avoid falling apart right there , in front of her….She was frightened enough by what was happening to her as it was, so the last thing she needed was to also read the despair in his eyes….He couldn't allow that….
" Scared? What are you scared of, Princess?" he questioned, his hand brushing gently the hair from her face, the blood nearly freezing in his veins when he saw the inhumane amount of pain engraved on her features…..Her bright blue eyes were red and puffy now from all the crying, and he could clearly see the smudgy dark circles under them….She was exhausted….That accursed poison had definitely infiltrated even in the last cell of her body…
" I don't know, but I feel like…."she began, just to childishly cover her mouth with the tips of her fingers- as if the mere act of saying it out loud was a punishment in itself….
"It's ok…" he encouraged, placing a chaste, loving kiss on the back of her hand, ignoring those sharp arrows he could now feel piercing through his heart, cutting and tearing him apart….…
" I feel..like I'm dying inside…" she confessed, closing her hands over her face in a desperate attempt to make everything go away.
For a few moments, he was speechless….He didn't know what to say….There was so much truth in those words, that he couldn't have said it better himself….
"You'll be fine…." he finally uttered, on an empty voice that held nothing of his old, impossible to shatter confidence. " I'm here to make sure of that…."
" I can't remember anything…..It's all foggy and ...distant. I can only see shadows, faceless silhouettes…." she burst out, frustrated , angry tears falling from her sapphire eyes and trailing slowly down her lovely visage.
" What else can you recall?" he tried, hoping for some kind of miracle- hoping that there was still some time left, that he still had a chance , no matter how remote….
" Nothing! It's like an invisible hand came out of nowhere and erased everything from my mind….every person, every place…even time itself, leaving only emptiness behind- and fear, so much fear…I saw you…." she mentioned in the end, casting him an almost accusing glance.
" You saw me?" he asked, a bit confused, but his brain quickly made the connections when he noticed that her hands were now clutching fervently the pendant he had given her…." So it worked…" he said with a half smile.
" What worked?"
" The pendant…" he clarified, but his brows creased with unspoken concern the very following moment –seeing that she had no idea what he was talking about.
" The pendant " he repeated, pointing to the beautifully crafted silver jewel, hanging around her neck. "It was supposed to show you our past…To keep you from forgetting….."
Much to his dismay, she didn't say anything …..she just stared blankly at the silver dagger as if it meant nothing to her, as if she was looking at it for the first time….
"Never mind….don't worry about it…" he finally said, seeing that he had only managed to trouble her some more…."It's just a pendant…."
" When did you give this to me?" she swiftly asked though, as if having woken up from a trance.
"A few hours ago…."
Disbelief had now replaced curiosity...
" What's wrong, Darling?"
" A few hours ago?" she asked, obviously intrigued by something. "I haven't seen you in….years…"
" Years?" he mechanically inquired, a feeling of nausea invading his stomach just to quickly extend in his upper chest and from there, straight into the back of his throat …Her time perception was obviously messed up and in her mind, his short absence felt like long, torturously long years….Every minute he hadn't been there, must have equaled eternity for her sick, disconsolate mind…That constant waiting must have been worse than Tartraus itself….
" You said you'd be back before I knew it and you never came…I thought you left…for good….I thought you forgot about me and that…."
"Gods, Princess!" he simply exclaimed, refusing to let her finish that sentence. "I love you like I have never loved anyone in my life , I could never forget you!" he continued, and for a split second, as their eyes met again, a flash of something, something long forgotten but so special that made their blood rush maddeningly through their veins, gripped their hearts.
"Please make love to me…" she instinctively begged, and, despite the fact that he was well aware this was only a dream, and despite the tragic situation they were in, the idea of refusing her hadn't even crossed his mind…
XXX
So let's see….call it telepathy, premonition or just…brotherly connection, but despite the living Tartarus I was going through trying to convince daddy not to pulverize Lover Boy- after that mindless altercation he had engaged in with Pollo and most of the other Gods who rushed to break them apart, I instantly felt it- a harrowing flash of pain darting straight through my overly sensitive heart, so intense that my legs gave out from under me.
It was a good thing that in the middle of that hustle and bustle , no one heard the piercing scream that left my lungs….I was like literally shaking with pain …
" Ares….." Bro's name left my lips on its own…I didn't need to hear him, to know that he was calling for me…
" Daddy, just let me take him out of here before you do something you might regret later. Please….he's blind drunk, he doesn't even know what he's doing anymore. You can just punish him later…" . Now, that would be the text that, minutes later, convinced the fuming King of the Gods to have mercy on my so called brother, thus generously allowing him to live to see another ..fashion festival…I'm a genius, I know…Regardless of what you might think of me, I actually get that, a lot.
To make a long story short, I rushed into the vortex, dragging Bro's suicidal copy after me, silently praying that not everything was lost, that there was still something I could do to somehow fix things…..Imagine my shock when, the moment I exited the aether, back at the temple, I was welcomed by a par of scared to death green eyes- staring at me with a gaze that appeared to have witnessed the end of the world.
" Aphrodite! So glad you're here! Have you seen Xena?! I have been looking everywhere for her!" the Bard exclaimed, grabbing a hold of my arm. It appeared that the effect of the spell had worn off and that she was her old self again.
