I do not own any of the characters.

Lonely.

Diego de la Vega felt tired.
For weeks, he hardly slept.
It had nothing to do with his nocturnal activities as being the outlaw Zorro.
On the other hand, it had everything to do with Zorro.

Diego stared ahead across the endless land called California. A new promised land on the other side of the known world. Endless, just like his task.
Years ago, it seemed like a good idea, fighting against a wrong regime in a way that endangered no one.
It had been an impulse. It had been a deliberate one.
Nevertheless, it had happened on an impulse.

He had never been able to foresee the real consequences the day he had put on his mask for the first time.
That was likely just for the better.
Otherwise, he would probably have made different choices.
How could he ever have foreseen that, over six years later, he would be a prisoner of himself?

Some days were less difficult than others.
Those were the days that tended to flow by, one day after the other.
It had not been the case in the last few weeks.
His conscience was continuing to haunt him.

Felipe had spoken, though only once and one word.
Yet, the promise of him being able to speak like everyone else had peeked at the horizon.
The sacrifices he asked Felipe to make matched his own.
Felipe was not deaf. His life would become a lot easier if Zorro's secret did not force him not to let anyone else make this discovery.
Felipe did not blame him. Diego was well aware of that.

The fact his confidant did not attempt to speak again did worry him. Was the sacrifice the boy had to make for Diego being Zorro too much?
Diego knew the only correct answer for the question.
Felipe should be free to live.
Unintentionally, he did the boy a great injustice.
Now, it was, without a doubt, proven Felipe could speak that injustice became, if possible, infinitely more.

Sometimes Diego wished for a confidant to speak to about his doubts.
He loved and trusted Felipe.
Felipe was much too young to load an even heavier burden on his shoulders.
His father would be a soothing option.

He and his father had been closer than many other fathers and sons.
Probably due to his mother dying at a much too young age.
Before he had put on the mask, Diego had never considered ever holding a secret for the man.
Even during his years in Spain, his father had given him advice by countless letters.
That had lasted until Zorro made his appearance.

Their relationship got damaged and became more distant, all due to Zorro.
His father hardly knew his own son.
The moments when Diego failed to meet his father's expectations were also the moments he wanted to shout aloud that he was Zorro.
These also were the moments his father was hurt the most.

His love life was one big joke.
In this, too, he hurt the woman Diego loved so dearly.
Diego did it all for Zorro.
And was it worth it?

Some days he was convinced it was. On the days, Zorro had triumphed and had prevented injustice from happening or saved a life.
Then he did not doubt Los Angeles needed Zorro.
Alone in bed at night, it all seemed in vain.

In the morning, everything would start all over again.
The alcalde just continued his tyrannical reign. His father remained convinced that his son was a weakling.
Felipe was wearing his mask of silence, doing it for Zorro without an expression of protest.
A boy his age was supposed to protest against everything an adult could ask.

And then Victoria.
Diego didn't want to think about how many sacrifices Zorro had asked her to make. It was wrong of him to constantly give her new hope, preventing her from seeking love and happiness in the arms of another man.

He felt so damned lonely.
His dearest wish was to be held tight, not to be alone in his struggle.
A pair of arms that would embrace him.
A reassuring voice, accepting his doubts, fears, and insecurities.

At the moments, loneliness overwhelmed him the most, he visited Victoria dressed as Zorro.
She was able to ease away the sharpest edges of his pain.
The downside being Victoria always held only her strong hero in her arms.
She never embraced a simple mortal in need of her warmth.

There were moments when he almost dared to hope that Victoria felt more for Diego than mere friendship.
These rare moments usually lasted as long as the radiant smile she gave him.
Maybe it would be better if he were to give up on her, releasing her of her promise to marry Zorro.
Victoria deserved better than he had to offer. Like happiness with a man who could show her his true face.
The pain in his heart that he felt when he considered letting her go was more hurtful than a stab of a knife.

He could make his father happy by marrying one of the many seƱoritas who wanted to be married to the de la Vega heir.
Even when it meant, the name of the heir was Diego.
The mere thought made him feel even more lonesome.

All in his sight was an endless nothing.
It was his home.
Diego had been on his way to the pueblo trying to find some much-needed distraction, secretly staring at the most beautiful woman on earth.
He changed his mind. The sight of Victoria was too painful at the moment. The chance the wrong words would slip from his lips was too great.
It was better to go to the cave and clean up a bit.
His work never got finished.

Diego, his hands, ached and were pale from being balled into fists so long.
When was it going to stop?
Would that day ever come?

Diego felt tired.
Tired, but mostly, he felt so damned lonely.

End.

.

.

I wanted to do a story like this for quite some time.
I have made an effort for Alejandro and Felipe to describe their feelings at some point in the series.
I wanted to do the same for Diego, only lacked the inspiration.
Today I listen on the radio to the Dutch song, Ik voel me zo verdomd alleen.
I feel so damned lonesome.
It is a song that everyone in the Netherlands knows.
It is the title song of a movie made after a book about a boy who needs someone just to love him.
He has a rough life.
And although the context of the song is different from what Diego is feeling.
That one sentence seemed to fit so perfectly with what I had in mind.

I do like to receive reviews.