I don't know where I first read that the head cook in the kitchens is named Mary, but now I've used that name in two different fics and I will continue to do so in everything else I write.
Merlin laughed and snatched the goblet off of Arthur's table and took a large swig. He spun around holding the goblet just out of reach of the sitting king. It had taken a moment for the warlock to notice, but after he had it was abundantly clear, there was magic in the drink.
Merlin stopped moving and Arthur grabbed the top of the goblet; Merlin's hand tightened reflexively on the stem until his knuckles turned white.
"Just give it up Merlin, it's my wine and I've got it back." The king wrestled the drink from Merlin's hand and moved to drink it.
Merlin snapped. "Arthur don't!"
Arthur only stopped because the complete look of fear on Merlin's face made him uneasy. "Why?"
"There's magic in it."
Arthur jumped. "What?! How do you know?"
"I can feel it." It was the truth; Merlin could tell the moment after he drank some. He was mad at himself for not sensing it earlier. He always did checks for dangerous magic, but he missed whatever this magic was, simply because it wasn't physically harmful, but it could easily be harmful in other ways.
It took another moment of thinking to figure out what the magic was doing to him.
Arthur looked panicked. "Are you alright? We should get Gaius."
"I'm alright, it's not dangerous."
Arthur looked at him skeptically, clearly not believing the statement.
Merlin had, in the short amount of time, discovered what the magic was doing. It was a truth serum. And not a particularly strong one. He'd be compelled to answer any question asked of him, but he could fight it enough to direct his answers into half-truths.
"Not dangerous? Merlin if it was in my wine why in the world wouldn't it be dangerous?"
"Because the goal wasn't to hurt you. If it were dangerous we would have caught it. I check all of your food and drink at least twice for anything suspicious and there's the taster down in the kitchen that checks for poisons. It's not poison, therefore not physically dangerous. It's just a truth spell. Someone wanted you to tell the truth about something."
"A what?"
"A truth spell, Arthur." Merlin snapped; he didn't know what more the king needed in order to understand.
"If it's just a spell to make you tell the truth then why do you look so panicked? You can't lie to save your life anyways."
That was exactly why Merlin was so panicked.
"I'm panicked because I'd rather not be forcefully compelled to tell anyone my secrets." Merlin flinched, slapping his hand over his mouth, he shouldn't have used the word secrets.
Arthur looked shocked. "You have secrets? That you haven't told me?"
Merlin moved his hand and tried to smile but cringed instead. "So many. Sorry." The apology felt worthless, said as a pathetic afterthought.
Arthur looked hurt. "You're hiding things from me?" His voice was quiet, broken, not angry as Merlin had expected.
"Everyone has secrets, Arthur, even me." Merlin frowned; this conversation was getting more painful than he expected it to.
"Not me. Not from you."
Merlin started. He hadn't expected Arthur to say that. His king looked more vulnerable than he'd ever seen him.
"Do you not trust me?"
"Arthur, I trust you with my life. You know I do."
"Then what haven't you told me?" That was the question that would end him. Arthur couldn't have asked why, he had to ask what. That was the question that would make him confess to everything unless he could stall enough by telling Arthur a bunch of meaningless things he had never told him before.
His mind raced to find something that would work. "I've never been to the tavern without you." Merlin blurted out.
"You—what?" Arthur looked at him confusedly.
Merlin rushed to clarify and try to pick another truth out that would distract Arthur enough so he didn't ask what Merlin did during all the times he was supposedly at the tavern.
"All the times that Gaius said I was at the tavern were lies. I've only ever been to the tavern with you and the knights. Also I think your wife had a crush on me when we first met." That was certainly a good enough secret to distract him.
"Merlin! No she didn't!"
"Please Arthur, can we just get me to Gaius?"
"Alright fine, but that doesn't mean you're getting out of this. What other things are you hiding from me?"
Merlin winced; but was already speeding out the door as Arthur followed. "I always take food off your plate before bringing it to you because if I gave you all of it you'd get fat."
While it was entirely true, Merlin managed to make the end sound like he was just joking.
Arthur scoffed. "Thief!"
"I do make as much noise as possible when we go hunting. Both so you don't kill as many animals and so I don't have to carry them afterwards."
"Merlin!"
Merlin sped up, he was running out of small lies very quickly and they were continuing to pour out of him at an alarming rate.
"The reason I'm late with your meals is because I actively avoid Mary so she doesn't force feed me." Arthur didn't get a chance to say anything before Merlin was confessing another secret. "I've snuck out of the citadel many times without the guards noticing. I really think you should train the guards better."
"What?!"
"Your guards are poorly trained."
Arthur almost stopped walking he was so gob smacked by the things Merlin was saying. But Merlin powered on and Arthur was forced to try and catch up.
Just as they reached the hallway with the physician's chambers the spell forced out another truth, a truth too close to the truth. "I've met my father. Shit-" Merlin cursed, slapping his hand over his mouth; that secret was much too close. He'd have to explain it, Arthur wouldn't stop asking until he knew.
"You what?" Arthur looked confused, and then hurt. "You met your father? Why didn't you tell me?"
Shit, shit, shit. "He- he was someone you didn't like."
"I knew him?" Arthur's face flitted through multiple emotions; guilt, concern, hurt. Merlin sent a silent prayer that he would be able to get the anti-spell soon.
"Yes, you met him."
Arthur's face paled. "Wait, did you say was? Did he die?"
"Yes." Merlin had to actively force his jaw to close so he didn't elaborate. They now stood outside Gaius' chambers and after a moment, having answered the question, the compulsion to elaborate passed and Merlin begged, "Arthur, please, I'll tell you everything after Gaius gives me the antidote, just not like this."
Arthur looked pained, clearly hurt by the new information. He opened his mouth briefly, making to ask another question, then stopped. The king wanted to force his manservant to answer his questions immediately, while Merlin couldn't lie to him, but not giving him the freedom to choose to answer would be cruel and Merlin had already promised to tell him everything. Merlin could see the struggle Arthur was going through to wait for answers, he had never been very patient.
Arthur nodded and pushed open the door to the physician's chambers. Merlin let go a breath, he might make it through this with his secrets. At the very least if Arthur demanded answers after Gaius gave him the anti-spell, then Merlin could choose what to tell him. The freedom to withhold information was one he wouldn't take for granted.
Merlin rushed in, startling Gaius, and blurted out what he needed before he could be asked any more questions. "Gaius I've been dosed with a truth spell; I need the anti-spell now."
"A truth spell?" He immediately rushed to the stack of books in the corner of the room, sifting through them until he found what he was looking for. "Does Arthur know?"
"Yes, a truth spell, and yes Arthur knows about the spell, but no he doesn't know... yet."
Gaius quickly flipped the pages of a thick book, skimming to find what he was looking for. "Alright here's a recipe to counteract simple truth spells. Does it feel like a powerful spell?"
Merlin shook his head. "It's not all that powerful."
"Good. Get me yarrow and thyme." Gaius pointed to the other side of the room and Merlin rushed to grab the requested herbs as Gaius collected others from the shelves next to his workbench.
They worked quickly and silently to crush the ingredients together and boil it over a flame. When it was finally finished Gaius poured some into a small cup and handed it to Merlin who drank the bitter liquid in one gulp. After a moment Gaius raised his eyebrow in a question and spoke, "So did you clean out the leech tank like I asked you to yesterday?"
"Yes." Merlin answered immediately. "It worked!" Merlin pressed his lips together sheepishly as he realized what he had managed to admit to despite no longer being compelled by the truth spell.
Gaius rolled his eyes. "I expect you to get that done by tomorrow. But first I believe you have some things to explain to the king. What did you tell him?"
Merlin winced. "Not much but still too much." Gaius raised his eyebrow again, this time in concern.
Merlin took a deep breath and turned to the door, ready to face Arthur and his questions.
Arthur sat on the floor with his back against the wall. Merlin wordlessly joined him, leaning against the wall before slowly sliding down it, knees to his chest, not daring to look at Arthur.
Arthur broke first. "Have you really been keeping that many secrets from me?"
Merlin breathed in sharply. "Yes. But not exactly by choice. A lot of them are to keep myself safe."
"You feel you have to keep yourself safe from me?" The King's voice sounded uncharacteristically small.
"It's not as simple as that, Arthur." Merlin pleaded, hoping he'd understand. "I trust you more than anyone else, you know this. But even though I know I would never intentionally do any harm to you or to Camelot, some of my secrets are treasonous—they could get me killed, they could get others killed. And that is the absolute last thing I want."
"But am I the danger? Are you protecting them from me?"
Merlin paused, "In some ways yes."
"Then I must ask directly, do any of these secrets affect the safety of Camelot?"
Merlin tilted his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and carefully picking his words. "Camelot is not in any danger. But the secrets, some of them, do involve past dangers."
Merlin didn't see it, but Arthur relaxed at that revelation. He considered his friend, who apparently had hidden so many things from him, but all in the name of staying alive. Maybe he didn't have as much of a problem with self-preservation as Arthur thought. And maybe there was a way Arthur could ensure he knew he wouldn't have to face the possibility of execution over something that didn't even pose a threat to Camelot.
"If I were to offer immunity to the involved parties, would you be able to tell me then?"
Merlin glanced at his king from the corner of his eye. He hadn't expected such an offer, even if at the moment it was hypothetical. "I can't ask that of you for myself, knowing everything I know. But if you promise full immunity to all other parties involved, then I'll tell you everything."
Arthur turned to look at his friend. Or maybe he had the exact amount of self-preservation that Arthur thought he had. "You claim these secrets are treasonous but you're turning down an offer of full immunity? Are you stupid?"
"I cannot take what I don't deserve."
Arthur gaped at him. "You're an idiot." He knew that no matter what the secret he could never execute Merlin, he didn't even think he would be able to banish him—he'd been through that once with Gwen and he didn't think he could do it with Merlin—but his manservant's lack of care for his future was appalling and it made Arthur uneasy. It wasn't logical.
The king scrubbed at his face in annoyance before dropping his arm and turning away, looking back at the wall opposite of the two men. "I officially grant full immunity to all parties mentioned in the aforementioned secrets, under the assumption they pose no current or future threat to Camelot."
Merlin eyed Arthur again. "I hope you don't regret that."
"I don't yet know what treason you've committed, but I want you to be damn sure you know you're safe in telling me these secrets."
Merlin closed his eyes once more. He sat silently for a moment and Arthur noticed tears starting to make their way down his cheeks. He didn't know if he was ready for Arthur to know, but it was time, if he didn't tell him now, Arthur would always know he was hiding something, he'd never forgive him for not telling him now.
"There's no need to be a girl about it, Merlin—"
Arthur was cut off by Merlin's confession, "I have magic." This was it. He finally told Arthur; Arthur knew. Panic clenched at his heart. He didn't open his eyes; he didn't know if he could bear to see betrayal on Arthur's face.
Arthur sat silently for a few minutes, or maybe a few hours, neither man could tell. Instead of the betrayal Merlin expected only shock clouded his features.
"Why?"
Merlin laughed at the abrupt question. It was almost humorless and slightly hysterical, vastly different from his usual mirthful laugh. "It wasn't a choice. I was born with it."
Another minute, another hour, the two sat in silence again, neither moving a muscle.
"Alright... Got any other massive secrets now that you've said that one?"
Merlin's heart leapt into his throat. It wasn't acceptance, but it certainly wasn't rejection, and that was more than he had ever hoped for. "I'm a dragonlord."
"Is that it? Any other big ones? Go on, get them all out now."
Merlin huffed a laugh again as he started speaking so quickly he'd be surprised if Arthur had understood him at all. "There's a prophecy about me and you. You're the Once and Future King prophesized to unite all of Albion and I am Emrys, the prophesized greatest sorcerer to ever live that will help you bring magic back to the land. I am the son of Balinor and I became the last dragonlord after he died. I have been protecting you since I first came to Camelot. I have faced dozens of magical creatures, vengeful sorcerers, and assassins to keep you alive. I am the caretaker of the cup of life and traded my life for yours with it. I killed the high priestess Nimueh when she tried to take my mother's and then Gaius' life in place of mine. I stopped Cornelius Sigan from taking over Camelot. I am a creature of the old religion and I am Dragoon the Great. I have saved everyone more times than I can count and I cheated during that fight we had just after we met. I stopped two immortal armies, I am the reason the legend of the lady of the lake exists, and I have seen Avalon." Merlin took in a shaky breath.
"That's quite a list you have there, you sure you didn't miss anything?" Arthur's face was schooled into a blank mask. Merlin could tell he was overwhelmed with all the new information, but he had to come clean while he still had the nerve. He swallowed, not wanting to admit his mistakes, even the promises Arthur made about immunity didn't help.
"Those are just the good things I've done. I'm made mistakes too, some pretty big ones."
"I've already given you full immunity, Merlin. You have no reason to keep secrets now."
"I have plenty of reasons not to want admit to my mistakes. I'm ashamed of them. And they still hurt quite a bit." Merlin said slightly bitterly, he paused and Arthur waited to see if his friend would own up to his faults; it wasn't long before he did. In a whisper he admitted, "I poisoned Morgana to stop Morgause; I'm the reason she became evil. I traded a promise to release the great dragon for knowledge to save Camelot from Sigan and then I released him; it was my fault he attacked Camelot. I was careless and it was my fault the witchfinder came to Camelot and Gaius was hurt because of it, because of my actions. I got you out of Camelot after Morgana took the citadel by taking away your free will. And I've failed to save so many people. Your father, Gwen's father, my own father, Will, Freya, Lancelot..." merlin trailed off, pain clouding his eyes.
The two sat in silence again, contemplating everything that had been revealed. Without warning, Arthur began to stand up, turning to offer Merlin a hand to stand as well. "C'mon."
Merlin took the offered hand and looked confusedly at his king.
"We have a lot to do. Frankly, I don't know what to do, but we have to do something."
We. Arthur wanted his help still. Merlin smiled.
Well I don't really love the ending I wrote, but I finished writing it and that's what matters.
