First of all, the timing of this is a mess. I wanted to post before 23x13 and have this be a disclosure fic. Life happened and now it doesn't really work anymore with 23x13-14. I made some adjustments so they have disclosed but the UC marriage never happened. So it's somewhere between E13 and E14 but still February to the end of March…
Cause it's an unofficial follow-up to "For I Am Yours…", Amanda has already met Sonny's parents and the girls call him "Dad".
This won't top canon (I mean, are Thursday nights even real anymore or are we living in a fever dream), but I hope you enjoy it regardless.
…And You Are Mine
~oOo~
"Mama, no go!" Billie was kicking her feet against the mattress, crocodile tears filling her eyes. Amanda's three-year-old wasn't too happy that her usual Saturday bedtime routine of falling asleep in front of the TV snuggled into her mom or godfather was canceled for the day.
"Billie Bear, why don't you help me find a pretty dress?" Amanda suggested from her place in front of the dressing mirror where she put the finishing touches on her makeup.
"No!" Billie's tiny lips were formed in a pout worthy of a thirteen-year-old now.
"Don't be so silly, Billie," Jesse huffed at her sister.
The tears were joined by a guttural scream now. Amanda's eyes widened and she dropped the brush in her hand, hurrying over to her daughter.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Rocking Billie back and forth, the toddler clung to her mother tightly.
"Dada," is all she managed to croak out between sobs.
Amanda was stuck between tearing up and smiling as wide as she could. Knowing that her babies had two parents now, even if it wasn't official yet, made her happier than anything ever before.
"Daddy's at work, Baby. But Mama's gonna pick him up and he will be here in the morning to make you pancakes."
Sonny had a few late nights this week and while he always gave the girls a kiss goodnight as soon as he got home, Billie was asleep every time it happened. If Amanda hadn't been able to feel his warm body next to hers at night, she would miss him as much as their girls did.
"'ancake'?" Billie's eyes started to glow. Her daughters' love for food was all Carisi.
"Only if you let Mama get dressed now." Putting the toddler back on the floor, she opened the bottom drawer of her dresser. "Why don't you help me find some socks? Can you do that?"
Amanda turned back towards her closet as soon as the socks start flying all around her daughter.
"Mama," Jesse was hot on her tail, "are you gonna wear a blue dress? Daddy said blue is his most favoritest color."
"Did he now?" Amanda smiled to herself, pushing hangers from left to right, trying to find the perfect outfit for their first public date. Just as she was about to reach for a marine-colored V-neck wrap dress—the high slit and single belt granting Sonny easy access later in the night—Jesse yelled "No!" and Billy started crying again.
"Girls!" Amanda whirled around, quickly trying to make sense of the chaos in the middle of her bedroom.
Her youngest sat on the floor, red in her face with tears streaming down in buckets, surrounded by what looked like the whole content of the two bottom drawers. Her older sister stood over her, face just as red—but in anger—holding a small box that seemed to be the reason for the ruckus.
"Jesse, what happened?" Amanda dropped down next to Billie, pulling her into her arms again for the second time in 5 minutes.
"MAMA!" Billie cried out before her sister could reply. "BOO BOO!" She held up her right pointer finger that already looked swollen.
Amanda pressed a long kiss to it and picked the baby up to carry her to the kitchen for an ice pack.
"Billie doesn't listen," Jesse complained, following her mom out of the room. "I said no. She's not allowed to play with the box but she did."
Amanda pulled open the freezer door, rummaging around for something to cool a tiny finger with. In true Dominick Carisi fashion, her boyfriend must have not only stocked her fridge with perishables but also bought baby Koolpaks. Finding an elephant-shaped one, she pressed it against Billie's hand, telling her to hold on "real tight."
"What box?" She finally turned her attention to the six-year-old.
"This." Jesse held out a worn, antique, brownish-colored jewelry box the size of her hand. "I said no, Mama, I did."
Billie wiggled herself out of her mother's hold, trying to reach for the box again. "Pweety wing," she squealed and Amanda almost dropped her.
"No, Billie," Jesse yelled again, pulling her hand away from her sister's grabby fingers. "It's Mama's ring. Right, Mama?"
"I—I don't—I—"
Completely oblivious to her mom's state of shock, Jesse opened the lid to reveal a stunning golden engagement ring. It looked vintage, the oval, emerald stone large, but not too large to weigh down Amanda's finger or get in the way when chasing and taking down perps.
In an out-of-body experience, she could feel the weight of her gun raised in her right hand, her left hand curling around it to keep it steady, the thin golden band of the ring her daughter was holding up to her digging into her skin, reminding her what she got to come home to. Had to come home to.
The next thirty minutes of Amanda's life played out both in slow motion and like someone pressed fast-forward on her life. She couldn't tell how she handed the kids over to Sienna, cleaned up the mess on her bedroom floor—asked Jesse to place the box back to where they found it—got dressed, or drove herself to root & bone.
But when she walked into the small Southern-style restaurant and saw Sonny's eyes light up at the sight of her in a short, white, skater dress, the world slowed down and everything came back to her. How Sienna knocked and then used her keys to come in. How Billie laughed, hurting finger long forgotten, when the babysitter tickled her. How she gathered socks and hurriedly threw them back into the drawers, making sure the ring box was just where her boyfriend left it. How the only color she could see herself wearing that night was white and how her fingers trembled and felt empty as she grabbed the steering wheel too tight.
How she never saw herself getting married until the boy from Staten Island kissed the girl from Georgia on the shores of the Hudson River ten months ago. And how wearing his ring on her finger was the only thing she could think about now.
"I'm sorry, I'm late." She rushed over to the corner he was seated in, leaning in for a kiss much deeper than they usually allowed themselves in public.
Getting up and pulling out her chair for her, Sonny delicately caressed her arm as she sat down, holding on to her hand for a beat longer than normal.
"No worries." His already formed smile went wider as he took in her own beaming face. "You look stunning."
Amanda never blushed but every single one of her boyfriend's actions and words just felt like more today.
"How was your day? The girls okay?"
They made it a rule to not talk shop on date nights and over the conversation they had about Billie smashing her finger, the new laundry detergent his mom suggested—a lavender scent that was too die for—and the planned trip to the Staten Island Zoo for the 'Zoolympics' the next day, her soul fell even more in love with the man in front of her. She couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with him.
~oOo~
Waking up to an empty bed wasn't something Sonny was used to any longer. For the last nine months, he opened his eyes to at least one, often four, Rollins girls curled into his side or on top of him. The sun was already out, so he knew it was past 7 am but that didn't explain why Amanda, or Frannie for that matter, wasn't next to him. No one liked sleep more than Amanda Rollins.
Pulling on a pair of gray sweatpants, he padded into the kitchen, feet bare, on the lookout for his Fordham Law hoodie he knew he left on the couch the morning before. He quickly found it, covering his girlfriend's body who was sitting on a dining room chair, knees pulled up to her chest, hoodie pulled over them to keep her legs warm.
Putting his hands on her shoulders, he pressed a quick kiss against the back of her head and tried to catch a glimpse of what she was working on on her laptop.
"You're up early. What gives?" He eyed the children's clothing website she was browsing before moving into the kitchen to start the coffee machine.
"Couldn't sleep." She shrugged his question off.
"Are you alright? Do you want me to feel your forehead?" He laughed.
She rolled her eyes at him but counteracted it with a sweet smile and an "I love you."
~oOo~
The day they spent at the zoo and then his parent's house for dinner was proof enough for Sonny that waiting all these years for Amanda to come into his life (and to give him the time of day) was more than worth it. He could have never gotten this kind of happiness if he had married any Sarah or Joanna or Amy at the age he saw himself getting married at. No, he was meant for Amanda Rollins like she was meant for him. All the ups and downs, her pregnancies, him leaving the squad, they were just steps to them becoming them.
The looks his Ma threw at him over her peach and almond crostata, while his girlfriend scrolled through his camera to show around the pictures he took of them today, said it all. 'Marry this woman already!'
He mouthed back a 'Soon' and his Ma pulled Amanda into a tight and very unexpected hug. Instead of being thrown off by his family's Italianism, Amanda just laughed and hugged his mom right back.
Soon, he thought. Real soon.
~oOo~
The next few weeks flew by in the blink of an eye. In between power outages, a Frannie health scare, and his birthday, there was no right moment for Sonny to ask Amanda to marry him. He wanted to ask the girls for permission first anyway but with them not able to keep a secret, it required timing equivalent to an undercover operation.
March 29 started like any other weekday in their lives. Spilled cereal, missing toddler shoes, and kisses on his three girls' heads.
"Love you all, see you later."
A chorus of "Bye daddy", "Love you", and "See you for lunch" followed him out the door.
If he had known that cold coffee and Froot Loops on his deposition papers were just the beginning of a very bad morning, he would have stayed in bed and asked Amanda to play hooky with him.
His new secretary accidentally deleted all appointments from the calendar for the rest of the week, his only witness in the rape case he was trying got cold feet, and Fin proved himself as butterfingered as Jesse when he knocked an unscrewed Pepto bottle over Sonny's suit while putting down some DD5s.
Grumbling, Sonny went down to his car to get the blue three-piece he picked up from the dry cleaners last night and changed in his office. The sunshine yellow tie Amanda gave him for his birthday rounded up his ensemble nicely and put a smile on his face after the morning from hell.
The only light at the end of the tunnel of this week was his lunch with Amanda in a few minutes.
Grabbing only his phone, he left his briefcase and coat behind, the unusually warm March day asking for a stroll through City Hall Park with the love of his life. For a moment he wished he had his Nonna's ring on him so he could turn this day around. But Amanda would kill him if he proposed to her in the middle of the city surrounded by strangers. She's got confidence to boot but being the center of attention during such a private moment would end with him sleeping on the couch for a week. And he was past the age of recovering from that by 8 am the next morning.
Walking down the steps of 1 Hogan Place, he tried to find Amanda in the crowd but was only able to set eyes on Fin.
"Hey," he greeted his former co-worker. "What are you still doing here?" Sonny took in the tie and jacket the Sergeant had put on after he left the Counselor's office. "Hot date?"
"Egh," he looked Sonny up and down, "not really my type."
"What?"
"Just come with me…"
"I'm meeting Rollins—"
"Sure. But not here." Fin started to walk across the street and Sonny rushed after him.
"Fin, wait. What's— Is she— Is Amanda okay?"
"I think she has possibly lost her mind, but ya' she's okay."
"The girls?"
Fin rolled his eyes at his friend. "Never better. But why don't you see for yourself."
Sonny looked up as he heard the girls happily squealing. Stopping outside the park gate, he watched for a moment as Jesse and Billie chased Frannie around Collect Pond. He didn't see Amanda or Sienna but he could make out Olivia's dark hair by one of the benches.
"What's going on?"
"Not for me to tell." Fin tapped him on the shoulder twice and then pushed him forward. "Go get 'em."
As if on autopilot, Sonny followed his order, looking around for his girlfriend. Letting his eyes wander through the small green space, he found it empty except for her daughters, Olivia, and for whatever reason, Elliot Stabler. Even Fin seemed to have disappeared.
"Daddy!" the girls cried out, running over to him, yellow tulle skirts flowing around them. They both stopped short of his shoes and gave him their biggest smiles.
"Who took my sweet girls and replaced them with these two pretty princesses?" Sonny asked, taking their hands and twirling them around until their skirts billowed out.
"Mama got us new dresses. They are sooo pretty!" Jesse let go of his hand, so she could spin around by herself.
Sonny picked up Billie and deposited her on his hip, fully taking in the outfit she was wearing. Their dresses had full-length yellow tulle skirts and white lace tops. With matching dark blue hairbands, they were wearing exactly the same colors he was.
"Where is Mama?" he asked them. "Or are you my lunch dates now?"
"Mama there." Billie pointed across the park to the court building opposite 1 Hogan Place.
"Rollins stuck in court?" he asked Olivia as she walked up to them. "Hey." He nodded at Stabler in greeting.
"She shouldn't be much longer," the Captain replied, fixing Billie's crooked headband.
"What is going on?" he tried again with his former boss, hoping she was easier to crack than Fin.
"You will know soon enough," was her cryptic reply.
"Mama pwetty," Billie suddenly yelled right into Sonny's ear as she wiggled to get out of his arms.
Turning towards where Billie was looking, his breath stocked and his whole body froze. Walking towards him with her hair in a loose updo, open-toed high heels, and a floor-length lace wedding gown was his girlfriend of 10 months.
Stopping several feet in front of him, she slowly turned on the spot, showing him the very deep back neckline.
"Surprised?" she asked when she was facing him again.
Rooted to the ground, Sonny just stared at her, speechless for once.
"Mama, you are so pretty," Jesse helped him out.
"Look at you, baby. You look like a princess," Amanda replied.
"Daddy said that too."
"Did he now?" She looked back up at her boyfriend. "I think he doesn't like my dress. He hasn't said anything yet," she quipped.
Taking the steps needed to be up against her, Sonny let his lips say what his voice couldn't.
"God, you're stunning," he finally got out after pressing his mouth against hers repetitively. His hands found a way around her waist and there was no room for a single piece of paper between them. "I don't know what's happening, but my answer is Yes."
"Yes, you are still ordained and will marry me and Stabler right here right now?" Amanda grinned, her eyes twinkling, her face alight.
"In this dress, you can ask anything of me. If I knew it would make you happy, I would marry Stabler right here right now."
"And here I thought, I would have to take the dress off first…" she said with a wink.
"If you keep on talking, I won't be held accountable for my actions." He kissed her again, long and hard. "But all talk aside, what are we doing here?"
"Well…" she drew the word out, "the girls and I, we got tired of waiting for you to man up and ask us to become a family, so I decided to get the ball rolling instead."
"And this dress was just hanging in your closet when you looked this morning?"
"No, it had been hanging in my closet since three days after the girls found this." Amanda stretched out her left hand, wiggling her finger that was adorned with his Nonna's engagement ring. "There are so many places you could have hidden it and you chose the bottom drawer of my dresser?"
"I wanted it close in case the ideal moment came up," Sonny justified his action.
"You mean in between bedtime stories and dirty dishes? Sounds like every girl's dream."
"Hence why I didn't do it."
"Dominick," she stepped up on her toes, hands on his cheeks, giving him another kiss, "I don't need romance. I, we, just need you."
"Says the woman who shows up to a weekday lunch in a wedding dress."
"How about we skip lunch and just married instead?"
"Amanda—" The grip around her waist tightened.
"I'm serious," she assured him. "I want to marry you today. And once we are husband and wife, we will go across the street and make the girls Carisis too."
"You can't just walk into a courthouse and—"
"I might have not gone to law school, but I still know how the system works. You're not the only one with connections, Sonny."
"Are you sure?"
"So sure, I called Judge Linden and she is more than happy to not just grant us a judicial waiver and expedite the adoption, she's also going to marry us. Unless you want someone else to do it? I could see if Judge Ellery is available."
"Don't you dare."
Sonny caught Amanda's eyes, trying to see for himself if this was something she was doing for him or if she really wanted it. Nothing but pure joy and anticipation looked back at him and he had to swallow hard.
"We're really doing this?" He took his girlfriend's, fiancée's, hands into his own.
"We're really doing this." She squeezed his fingers hard, giving him the biggest smile of her life.
"Girls," he called his soon-to-be daughters who were back to playing with Frannie, "let's get married."
The screamed squeal that filled the park would forever be one of his most cherished sounds.
~oOo~
The ceremony was short and sweet. Amanda promised Sonny a large drawn-out Italian Catholic wedding for his family but the thought of waiting another day, or worse a whole year, before calling Dominick Carisi Jr. her husband was too long for her.
With her not being one for many words and him not having had any time to write his own vows, they simply promised to have and to hold each other from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish each other till death does them part.
While Amanda didn't cry as she became Mrs. Carisi, she couldn't stop the tears when her baby girls became theirs.
The first time Jesse introduced herself to the waitress at the small Italian restaurant they chose to celebrate at as "Jesse Carisi," and Billie, pointing to herself, yelled, "'risi!" no one's eyes stayed dry.
In bed later that night, after three stories for the girls and a tiny bit too much wine for the parents, Sonny's head finally stopped spinning.
"I can't believe I didn't even get to propose. I wanted to ask the girls for permission and you deserved wining and dining and rose petals and your parents and—"
"You damn well know that the last people I want around me in that moment are my mom and dad. What I wanted was my family. You, our daughters, Frannie, Liv, Fin…"
"Stabler."
"I might not like him very much but he and Liv got really close again a few weeks ago so we are stuck with him now. I trust her, so we trust him. The next wedding might be theirs." Looking into his sparkling eyes, she added, "There's just something about partners, isn't there?"
Sonny leaned over her, taking her bottom lip in between his for a soft kiss. "They are for life."
As Amanda snuggled into his side, his eyes cast over the stunning wedding dress his wife had hung on the closet door.
"It really was a beautiful day. I can't believe you pulled this off so perfectly without me knowing."
"I have a lot of skills you haven't found out about yet, Counselor," she whispered into his ear.
"You were just breathtaking. And the girls looked so sweet. How did you know I would be in blue and yellow? It's not what I left the house in this morning."
She started to chuckle into his chest and it morphed into a full-on belly laugh when he finally caught on.
"Fin with the Pepto? And my witness no-show?"
"Hadid asked for a contingency last night."
"The deleted appointments for the rest of the week? I was so angry at Carol for that."
"All officially postponed to next week." She placed a kiss on his chest. "We need at least a few days for our honeymoon, don't you think? How do you feel about Lake Placid?"
Sonny's smile widened and he rolled them around until he was hovering over Amanda. His fingertips found her bare sides and he tickled her until she howled with laughter. Once her lungs were full of air again, he leaned down to press a kiss against her lips.
"You," kiss, "Mrs. Carisi," a deep kiss, "are the love of my life."
Over the next few hours, he showed her how true that statement was. Slow and gentle, deep and tender. And when they were spent and satisfied, Amanda snuggled into Sonny's side, and with one last kiss against her forehead and his jaw, she whispered her agreement.
"I am yours…and you are mine."
