Well, let's see the list.
Electro? Throw him in a pool. The Vulture can't fly without its equipment. Outrun Rhino enough until he sweats, its hard shell won't let him transpire anywhere else other than the exposed head, to which you should have no mercy. But Liz... she's different. It ain't that easy. This time, you took someone by the heart. There's no need to be like Spider-Man, just the man. Why is it so hard? I can't even look at her. Easy when it comes to wear a mask. Masks have no eyes. Even now, I feel like I'm wearing a mask. To hide myself away from this world? Who knows. I just want to shrink and shrink and be gone. I do not deserve to be here. I do not deserve Liz. But the way we act in front of each other... so silly. So stupid.
''You know, Liz... I can't be with you because, well... I am Spider-Man''; I wish things were simple. That anything I say came as true. ''You, Spider-Man?'' Uh huh. Here's my outfit, I wear it everyday. Everyday? Yes. This way, I can just go in a corner and pull the hero out. ''A hero? What about studying?'' Well, I do both, it's a great responsibility. I can't be at two places, you see. And that's why I can't be with you all time, Liz. Too much depends on me, many people depend of my power''... how easy that sounds like, but it's all in your head. Now try to speak these things up in front of her. Would she believe in you?
I have proof. My, anyone can wear a Spider outfit, like I did on the Halloween party. Shoot its webs and crawl on the walls, like Chameleon. What about Flash Thompson? He's my fan, and to think I have managed to see a good quality on his being. Well, Flash also helped me out when my mind was out of place. And when it isn't? Just like now. I've been thinking too much, planning steps while I did nothing at all, not yet.
— Hello, Pete – leave the plans for later, this is something that can only be done now. Now... uh, 'Hello, Pete?' Who said it?... Oh.
— Liz? – never that I've felt afraid like this, just by saying that name. Or am I just acting as if I'm feared? As if I am weak, to take away suspicion of my secret identity? Why would I do it so? I have no other better explanation for why I screwed up. Do I?
— It's been a while since we looked to each other, didn't we? – this I can agree with. Taking a better look, even Liz is tired of this thing we have with each other. In specific – well, I'm leaving.
— No, Liz. Wait – again, I feel pathetic, but knowing what I'm about to do, there's no need to – mind having a company?
— I don't mind. Except yours – I never asked for someone's company after school. Didn't had the courage to do it so. Neither I asked for Liz to be part of my life. And to take out that part so easy, without any attachment whatsoever.
— Just give me five minutes before you kick me out.
— Two minutes. One minute and fifty nine, fifty eight, fifty seven – two minutes? I've already had a month or two to think about it. A month!... could you imagine, not being able to say you're sorry without the feeling of emptiness? – ...I don't think I need to count any further, but really, Pete? Only now you're willing to give an explanation? Is that supposed to make me feel any better? Because I do feel better, there's no need to-
— I don't pretend to start over our relationship, Liz. I'm not ready – not ready... it's what I've said, or something like, back in that day.
— Neither I. So, why are you here? To say 'I'm sorry?' Come on – Can't remember, except it was an awful day. I just came in and said to Liz that it was over, as if it didn't mattered. Well, I was on a hurry, the Goblin came back, I had more important things to worry about... More important than Liz? Yes. I don't even love Liz that much, but I can't blame Gwen for anything. It's my fight, my prejudice.
— I just want to look at your face again, without feeling embarassed, ashamed. Without having to... to...
— To remember all the moments we had?
— We had? I wasn't even there most the time.
— A single moment with you around, Pete. Even if it was the only one... what would you think? – I don't know what would I think. I remember when Liz and I went to an amusement park. We ate cotton candy and I even earned an octopus plush. That was right before I saw Doc Ock at distance. Talk about singularity...
— I wish I could have spent more time with you.
— You didn't understood. There would be too much difference with you here all the time. Just the fact that you have been part of my life is enough, Pete. And when you said it was over by a minute... I don't know what you meant exactly. If it was everything, like everything, or just that you didn't wanted me hanging around as your girlfriend. There are many ways to love someone, you know. And like, I don't think I want to be an optional part of your life again.
— You were never optional, Liz. It ain't an option to like someone. You have to learn to.
— So I did. I thought you were only a nerd, but with time, I came to appreciate who you are. Maybe too much.
— There's nothing wrong in feeling too much. When it comes to care less, thought..
— Who said that you didn't cared, Pete? I ain't the only person you have to care about. We have friends, family, each one is important on their own – I hear some sirens by distance. Nothing that they can't do in my place.
— Look, I can explain it all. Now that I have the time, and opportunity...
— There's no need to explain. What the mind bothers to explain the heart feels and just. But, I don't mind hearing you out, Pete. After all, you're always the man of science – never that I heard Liz call me by man in a sentence. If she did, maybe I forget. How many things I may have forgotten, but she didn't?
— Well, Liz... there's a lot of reasons why we can't be together. I mean, I like you as a person, I'll always do, but I've been going throught a lot. A whole lot. There's the school, I have to take pictures for the Bugle, and – ... why can't I say that I love Gwen? I already mentioned two institutions, organizations full of people in, but an only person is what gets on me. Not just a person, but Gwen. Oh, she's with Harry. And Harry lost its father. Norman Osborn didn't loved anyone, and all Harry's been asking for... is to be loved. I'll give him the chance.
If it doesn't work, then maybe Gwen and I... like always, you're planning, Pulling people to your web. Wasn't you who killed Osborn? You, the Spider... I keep telling to myself that it was an accident, that the Goblin I fought might have been a decoy of the real Osborn. If Mysterio was a robot, then so why couldn't Osborn? He had the money, the influence. Imagine two thirds of New York population working for him, without knowing. To think a man so insane could have made cash instead of victims with its creations. Norman Osborn needed help, could have helped lots of people out. And I thought... No, I haven't thought. I just did, like when I told Liz it was over. Didn't cared to explain. Didn't cared about anything.
Every act of mine is followed by consequences. I still believe at the possibility that the Goblin somehow fled and didn't just... exploded. Nothing remained, only ashes scattered by the wind. For a robot, there was something human in his yell.
— But that was always the problem. See, there is what you need to do, and what you want to do – thanks, Liz. As if I didn't already knew that. I wonder for how long we've been quiet. I can appreciate silence, but this kind of silence is disturbing. Silence except for the mind – you don't take pictures for the Daily Bugle because you feel a need to see Spider-Man on the first page all time, do you? It's because they pay you well. I wonder how you take those pictures of Spidey too. Are you friends, or something like that?
— He's a guy who likes to show off, that's all I know about him. And yeah, those pictures... Liz, I've been in trouble several times, all because I took a picture when I couldn't – and because I couldn't explain my secret.
— And because of your aunt, right? You don't just live by yourself.
— Yes. There's aunt May too. I care for her. She took care of me all this time. But little aunt May has to do with the problems I have to take all the pictures. And by problems, I mean like when I took a picture of the Lizard. I earned the money, lost the trust of a person. It's a thing you can't pay, or afford that easy. Understand?
— I understand, Pete. You're the kind of guy that won't accept anyone to take the blow, and you just do because you do not want anyone to get hurt.
— If that was true, Liz, I wouldn't have said those things to you. Not that way.
— Past is past. This is now, let's say what we have to one another, and we'll be fine – Liz seems to be accepting everything, that's fine. I've been fighting too many insane goons to tell how human beings work – I think that's all for today. It was nice talking to you again, Pete.
— Wait, Liz. I still have more things to say. And besides, I don't like to walk alone.
— You mean you don't like me walking alone. I can take care of myself.
— I know – walking, walking, walking... it's so different from the skies.
— But that's nice of you, Pete. Mind if you take me home?
— I don't mind.
Liz's apartment is so far away. I don't know how many steps I took to be here. I never counted any steps, it's no use. It's like counting how much web I shoot by day, or who cleans my webs. They disintegrate after a time, so there's use at cleaning. You see, I like when things do make sense. When you got an answer simple as that. Well, not everything is that simple, and I might not have all the answers. However, as long as someone cares to elaborate, to make sense of things that do not, I'll be fine. How did I became Spider-Man, to begin with? Any other bite would have made me sick, if not killed me. Instead, I got these awesome powers. Yeah, the web doesn't come out of me, to be fair that would be pretty nasty if you stop to think...
— You think too much – it's what Liz said to me. All I did was to ask what she found on me that she didn't on anyone else.
— Do I?
— I mean, you're quiet. Must be because your head is full of thoughts.
— It is, indeed. Did you knew that human babies do not walk soon as they are born because their heads are so big?
— Really?
— I'm not joking. I can prove that myself – good to see that Liz is doing well. I even made her laugh. Hope Mark is doing well as much as his sister. I haven't heard anything about Molten Man, other that he hates me... Spider-Man, as well – and that's it. I'm done walking. I think I'll be calling a taxi.
— I wish I had before, Pete. But since you followed me here, I haven't thought about that.
— It's okay – I feel like ants are crawling over my legs – so, that's my leave.
— Yeah... – Liz is already in. I could just say goodbye, walk away, yet there's something that prevents me of saying these things. Did I forgot to say anything else?
— Wait, Liz – yes, I did.
— What is it?
— I... I forgot to tell you. The other reason why we can't stay together.
— We can, as friends.
— Yeah, right. Friends – geez, I knew this moment was coming. Please don't bite your tongue off, Parker – Well, you see, Liz... uh, how do I say? Do you feel fine?
— I am. What about you? You look weird all of sudden
— No. Nothing wrong. It's just that it's hard to tell you, but knowing you feel fine... Okay. Know, Liz, I fell in love with another girl. That's it. I-I didn't wanted to say it because I thought you could interpret it the wrong way. That I'd just threw you away for someone else, as if nothing special happened between us. It sure did, I'm struggling to keep it all. At least, the good stuff. Lots of good stuff that happened in our both lifes, I would never throw it away that easily. Oh, yes, I fell in love with another girl, I wanted to tell you the many times we've met before, but I never found a single moment where we could, like, talk about it. And the day I meant to say it so, you know, the day I screwed things up, rushed it all over... I couldn't just say it without having a peace of mind, you see.
A bit of silence, to add suspense.
— Really? – Liz stared at me, with a kind of surprise. I thought she would either close the door at my face and make that loud sound, or begin to pull me away and shout angrily... nah. Reality to Parker, speaking – and who's the girl?
— The girl? – Liz seems curious about it. And not so curious at all. It's like she is making a list on her head with all names – I don't want to say her name.
— Why not? If you love her.
— Do I? Oh, you see... at the moment, I am confused. I don't want to say her name because, well... this is between me and you, Liz. Nobody else. I don't want to blame anyone else. It's so unfair.
— I see. I just wanted to know. Nothing against, Pete. No, really. I want you two to do well with each other. Even if you was occupied with your own stuff most the time, I know how gentle you are. Look, it's hard for me too, but knowing we can stand near each other without turning our heads somewhere else... and all it took was a talk, didn't it? so, what's her name? Won't you tell me?
— Her name? Do you see a problem if I tell you? – I don't know why I insist protecting Gwen. I've been blaming Spider-Man quite a few times, as if he was a different person.
— No, I do not. I can be a bit jealous, you see. Don't blame me! Well, Pete, if you don't want, that's fine. So you know.
— I love Gwen Stacy – there, I said it. Did it hurt? – and she loves me ever since kindergarten
— Since kindergarten?
— Yes.
— My... Gwen? That Gwen? Hah, I knew it – like I said, Liz was playing the curious one – my other guess was Mary Jane, but given she has a thing with Mark... Eugh! That would be so nasty of you, Pete. I would never forgive you. But, isn't Gwen with-
— Harry? Yes. You know.
— Yeah, his father. Things aren't as they should at the moment for anyone, Pete – in a way, not only my world is broken.
— Harry is suffering. We all know Norman Osborn was the Green Goblin, but for Harry... which one mistreated him? It's that hard. Gwen's at his side, that's so good of her. You see, Liz, I don't want to take Gwen away from Harry. I'd be taking more away than his girlfriend. And treating Gwen as a sort of prize, when she is so much more... I really love her, Liz. Not that I love you too.
— Like I said before, there are many ways to love someone. Besides, we have so many things to do.
— So many things... – I shouldn't be bothered by these things. Not that much at the point I get anxious, or to put them at the lowest bottom in a way I do not treat them as important at all – well, who knows what the future holds?
— If I knew my future, I'd spent my entire life trying to fix it. That must be a terrible way of living, don't you think?
— Yes. What a terrible way of living, indeed. Good night, Liz.
— Bye.
I was about to tell Liz about my secret identity, but I did not.
It's fine. Not that I didn't needed to tell. To endanger someone I care about is the least I want to do right now. That's why I'm alone. Alone, under a starry night. As a kid, I used to believe that, if you wished anything to a shooting star, the wish would come true. Silly, isn't it? A bit. As if you could spot any star in an island of artificial lights. Well, I had my talk with Liz, we are fine to each other. I do not need to be bothered any further, yet that doesn't mean I should relax. This city has not lost it's champion. With time, I'll settle down things with every person, tell 'em that my acts have consequences, good ones. Still, I can't just take a kitten out the tree and say it's fine. They think I took a life, the headlines straight call me a murder of sorts. The power of millions of readers can overthrow mayors, even presidents.
Gwen Stacy... I don't know what I feel for you. I might call it love, but that's not how it works. There's Harry, I don't want him to suffer. I lost my fathers and to this day I think it was my fault. My fault... I don't want Harry to turn out like Eddie. He also had a thing for Gwen, didn't he? He was my friend before he became a monster. I nurtured what was needed for Eddie to became what he came to be. I wonder how he is doing, after therapy. There's a chance he might came back to normal.
Who knows? I'll take my time, be waiting until stars turn cold and fall from heaven.
