Notes

Shaman King nor the song belong to me, Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei and the Song is from Midnight Sons. " " Dialogs, ' ' quotations, ( ) thoughts + +Memories.

How will I start, Tomorrow without you here? Whose heart will guide me, When all the answers disappear? Is it too late? Are you too far gone to stay? Best friends forever, Should never have to go away, What will I do? You know I'm only half without you, How will I make it through?

It was a beautiful night, at least that was the one credit he was willing to give the Patch tribe, the continent's technology to recreate day and night within the plants was flawless, almost natural (And having this kind of technology within their reach they made us board a disappearing plane) he thought bitterly. He turned around to check if any of his comrades was still awake, but it seemed none did, all of them had surrendered and were sleeping, he understood it had been a difficult and long day. His wounds didn't let him be comfortable, it was like a dream, not a nice one, being able to come this far in the tournament and see all the hidden stuff and what was really at stake here. He just wanted to plant a Huge Fuki field in order to save the Koropokkuru, if he thought about that it was a childish and somewhat selfish dream that would only benefit his people, but he wasn't the only selfish here, Yoh for example, just wanted a relaxed life laying around listening to music, the only one profited from that would be him, and forget about his psychopath twin brother, the guy they had to overcome if they really wanted a future, that was the battle the young warriors feared the most, they were involved in this whole mess because they chose to help his friend 'save Hao's heart' he sighed. Horo tried to turn around but pain made him return to his former pose, he didn't blame Faust, the doctor had made what he could through Yoh, he had been very specific that the Ainu had to rest for the treatment to have the intended effect. Horo breathed in closing his eyes the memory of a young girl came to his mind, his other dream.

'The Shaman King will possess the Great Spirits and would have the power to turn his dreams to reality' That was what oral tradition had taught everyone, reality was very different, their dreams had just been the hook used by the Patch to make people participate in their tournament, later they found out that the winner would fuse with the Great Spirits and shall rule the world like a God, which meant that the winner would have the absolute power but also the responsibilities of a God, nothing that he really wanted but if that was the case he would just satisfy with a small wish from the bottom of his heart, he just wished to apologize with the little girl he met and failed to. Soft skin, short black hair, gray eyes, she was the most beautiful girl Horo had seen in his entire life, it was more than obvious she didn't belong to that small mountain community, but according to the Ainu her most outstanding quality was her strength, or her stubbornness; how else would you call someone that keeps coming back after being rejected time after time everyday, but maybe that same stubbornness was what called his attention in the first place because that was something they had in common her will to talk to him and his will to be left alone, eventually the things changed and he got used to have her following him around, even enjoying her company. Those days were long since lost and everytime he thought about it, that girl was very grown up for her age, she took the whole hate of the village without doing anything wrong because her father's job could change their way of life. Later he could recognize the same selfless attitude in someone else; the one who got them into this mess, his first Shaman Fight rival and up until now he had noticed that the girl he loved and Yoh had so much in common they thought alike, you can't blame anyone else for what you do, and that will somehow everything would work out, what they didn't said but implied was that within that somehow came hard work to do whatever is in your hands and that nothing would change unless you took risks (You would get along pretty well with him, Damuko) He thought as bittersweet tears showed in his eyes as he imagined her with the group in their small celebrations they made along the trip.

I'd cry you an ocean, If you'd sail on home again, Waves of emotion, Will carry you and all they can, Just let love guide you, And your heart will chart the course, Soon, you'll be drifting, Into the arms of your true north, Look in my eyes, You'll see a million tears have gone by, And, still, they're not dry

Memories were flooding his mind and eyes, a sea of tears waiting to fall, now his life was very different from back then, he had friends and was in a suicidal mission to save the world, the same world he use to hate that much, where dog ate dog and where his community hold to tradition so fiercely it treatened to disappear and threw their entire future in the shoulders of a kid, afterall that was all he was +If you really think that your people are important from the bottom of your heart, then they won't die+ he could see her when she said that and that same words were the motto that held him everytime he doubt, her words... he really cared for all the people surrounding him, it didn't matter how it would turn out, he had a goal in mind, he had the idea to see Damuko again fixed in his mind, to apologize, to tell her how precious she was to him, to right all the wrongs he had done her, to tell her how mistaken he was to think she was even capable of lying, he needed this, the tournament, to achieve it, he knew it was already lost since the moment he got to fight Yoh for a second time, he didn't cared anymore as long as his wish could be granted maybe they could reunite in death, but he didn't wanted to die either, not now, he wanted his dream, to preserve his community and the world, he really desired Damuko to see his progress and how his dreams changed but still he managed to work hard in order to fullfill them, he wanted her to know that now he went by the nickname she gave him, how he grew to fill that name, how far he'd come.

The Fuki field the treasured lost place of the beloved missing persons in his life and opposite to what he thought earlier, that was a dream that could be shared and be of use, to help his community restore the endangered environment and help save the sacred Koropokkuru so they could return to their appreciated nature, he wanted to teach the 'people of wa' the importance of nature and why they should always respect it and the field would also help the earth to restore itself a wellbeing cycle, fortunately this was a dream he could achieve with his own hands, he would have to work harder but as long as there was life... (That's the catch, as long as there is life) if they let Hao sit on the throne for more time there won't be, anything would be right anymore, finally his eyes felt sandy maybe the tears made them tired and his wandering mind was burnt out and willing to let him sleep, he close his eyes even the dim moonlight was starting to bother him, as soon as he did so the image of the girl came to him, she was smiling, in his mind she always was, it was the way he remembered her, he had chosen the smile over her tears the last time they talked he chose her as his home, an ever welcoming home where he could be himself and get rid of the heavy burden his real name imposed him; still the tears came leaving a flowing river in his cheek he let tears flow for a little time then he made the same he always did he covered them with his hands, How many tears can someone cry? It seemed endless, just as regrets.

I'd hold you close, And shout the words, I only whispered before, For one more chance, For one last dance, There's not a thing, That I would not endure

He hated crying, he just felt so vulnerable doing so, and the least he could be now was vulnerable, the foes to come were able to read him, Kalim knew him as he was his former officer in charge, he just didn't know how much the Patch knew about him, would he know about her? Would Pilika had told him anything about his weakness? He doubted she had, but then he remembered his sister had been very talkative with Opacho, Hao's second. It was likely Kalim knew everything there was to know from him including Damuko, probably he knew all along the Patch were shady people and that wasn't a secret and also it was likely they would used it against them in their Holy labor to protect the Shaman King but then there was a possibility they would use it against them, on the other hand if he bested Kalim there was Hao that could read minds and had a taste for bullying him (It doesn't matter, I may be defeated, but there's no way I will quit before even trying, I won't do that, Damuko as you said I won't put the blame in other people, I'll fight and the outcome would be only mine, I'll make you proud wherever you are) reality was very similar to cold, it bite back hard, his eyes overflowing as regrets took him over again, he started sobbing violently as tears came to him in a wave that threatened to drown him, he was not worthy he had never been how would he plead for some merci from Hao when he didn't had any for that innocent girl which only mistake was trying to befriend him.

Memories made him weep louder this time audibly, he covered his mouth as he didn't want to wake anyone up. What would he say he was crying for? Well actually he had plenty reasons to, but he wouldn't tell the truth why, he needed to rest he needed to be fresh to have a great battle tomorrow and have the more chances he could to win but no, the weight in his shoulders was too much and the guilt and regret were starting to crush him as he realize he had lots of fates in his hand. Fortunately his mates were fast asleep still, it seemed the battle had already took it's toll as everyone could understand that the Patch were just trying to make their job, it was not personal, Yoh had made them realize that as he hugged Radim before the final blow, that made things worse, they knew and had a connection to some of this warriors and destroying Kalim, the other stranger that showed him a kind face before finding his place... But losing meant letting her go. Younger days ran clear in his memory, replaying the way he had abandoned her, his crime, fear spreading throughout his body preventing it to heal, scaring him to even try to fight Kalim, at this point he was even scared of his friends what will they do when they found out about his sin, Yoh who didn't gave up on no one and he wouldn't stand Ren's gaze as he kept this from him, the tantrum in the bath still fresh because he kept things from him, a teammate (Hold yourself together!) He clenched his fists trying to avoid his sobs from coming +they won't die+ he almost could listen to her, he gotta be strong now, because after all this world resume to the law of the fittest only the stronger would prevail the one lesson taught by nature, taught to him from his father.

If only tears could bring you back to me, If only love could find a way, What I would do, what I would give if you'd, Return to me someday, somehow, some way, If my tears could bring you back to me

He was sick of crying or remembering tears would never answer anything, and right now the only thing they were doing was undermining his strength as they helped him from resting and healing. The harsh reality about Damuko had hitten him so hard after loosing her, love the kind that makes you feel complete, the kind that made everything turn right, all of that lost because of his prejudices and stubbornness, all because he couldn't understand the dam construction ran on a schedule and she had nothing to do with it, that the one working there was her father not her, she was just a kid, just like him and it hurt him so bad to have been so unsensible and mean to a girl, he regretted dearly to had been racist to that girl he just wanted to apologize, to be a good boy, he tried controlling his breath, controlling himself and heal, it was the least he could do for his friends defeat Kalim and let them through it didn't matter if he die he would let his friends through they could do it they had worked hard for this to save the world, their memories would give him the strength to hold on to his dream and work hard for it it was the least he owed to her, at least his effort to fix this, to make things right and finally as he arrived to this resolution to ask her forgiveness but he needed to be worthy of that opportunity.

His senses calmed down and the tears had stopped, remembering the gone is never an easy task memories overwhelmed him and regrets were the ones that drown him in that deep sea of remembrances, drown just like his childhood town in the bottom just sitting there waiting to flooded out of existence, but he won't, he won't let that happen he won't let the spate win, he was facing a Patch warrior, legendary for their courage and so was him an Ainu warrior he will honor the memory, of his hometown, of the girl he loved, and the elder that won the rights he now enjoyed it was what he could do, with a sigh he was getting drowsy until thankfully he could sleep the girl of his dreams smiling like the most precious memento he kept. Next day when all awake Yoh wasn't there they all got ready and went to search for him, Lyserg even had the time to make some bread, He was amazingly calmed he had made peace with himself and even though he hadn't sleep as much as he could he felt renovated, rested, they rejoined with Yoh in expectancy of what might come.

(I don't care what happens as long as I can shed a tear to bring you back and plead for your forgiveness... Damuko...)

Ok this began like something and ended entirely different to what I intended. It had it's own life, though I wanted to publish before the episode but inspiration was hard, still I hope you like it and thank you so much for reaching this point.

-May