Edward's gift was wonderful.
During the visit to his house yesterday, he'd pulled me aside after our conversation and presented me with the cool, heavier-than-it looks iPod. He had filled it with favorites from his music collection, specifically one record or recording from each year since 1917. I'd only had a moment to explore the records, but found his taste to be eclectic and all over the place, spanning—from what I could describe in my limited music knowledge—punk to swing jazz and everything in the middle. My favorite part was the curated playlists he made, filled with songs he said reminded him of us. I'd listened to a track titled Northern Sky several times already.
It was a wonderfully thoughtful gift, and I forgave him for making me uncomfortable with his excessive doting. Especially since I had expected him to be filled with anger since I'd driven to La Push.
I sat at Charlie's kitchen table, my Calculus book spread open along with several pages of notes in my messy handwriting. Edward's music played in my ears, a modern instrumental album that had a calming effect on my nerves. It was finals week, and I was still feeling very behind in Calculus. My study guides supposedly covered every topic that could come up tomorrow, but it could have been written in Arabic for all I knew.
I placed my pencil down as I finished a practice exam. My oncoming fear of a final made me think of college, and the future where I stayed human a little longer.
It made me think of how yesterday, I'd agreed to get married—I swallowed—to Edward.
It made me realize that maybe I'd have to get married way before I felt comfortable doing so in order to become a vampire sooner. As in, this summer.
It also made me think of Carlisle's comment about Edward's house in New Hampshire, something I need to confront Edward about. How many other houses did he have that he wasn't sharing with me?
What else didn't I know about him?
My spiraling thoughts were not helping my studying, and the music, while pacifying, was increasing unexpectedly in its intensity. I closed my textbook, heavy enough that it caused our tiny dining room table to rattle, and decided to go take a shower before Edward arrived later that evening to help me do another practice test.
"How do you think you did?" Edward asked as we made our way to lunch. His hand was loosely holding mine, the coolness soothing my nerves from finishing up my Calculus final.
"I'm not entirely sure. It was making more sense than I expected, which makes me nervous."
He chuckled. "I'm sure you're okay. You did fine on the practice exams last night, and it hardly matters anyway."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I already sent our acceptances to Dartmouth."
My jaw dropped and I froze in the hallway. Anger burned through me. "You did what?"
Confused, he looked down. When he glanced back up at me once again, his expression was softer, apologetic. "Bella, it doesn't really mean much. It was just to secure our spots if we choose to go."
"Edward," I began, picking up on his tendency to use my name when he wants to gaslight me. "You cannot just make decisions like this without me."
"You can send acceptances to other places, too, if you want," he pleaded. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that this would upset you."
"I cannot afford Dartmouth," I seethed, trying to keep my voice down to avoid unnecessary attention as we entered the cafeteria. I didn't feel like eating at all. "And you have a house there you didn't tell me about?"
His eyebrows raised. "Yes," he said in a small voice. "I wanted to surprise you, if we decided to go there."
I was silent as we joined the line. Thoughts of my exam were far from my mind as I placed the first thing I saw on my tray, which was a sandwich I didn't think I'd be eating and didn't bother to identify its contents. I could, on some level, understand that he'd only sent the acceptances as a form of insurance, and maybe it was ideal that one of us was planning ahead. A deeper part of me recognized that to him, he was trying to show his affection. College tuition at an Ivy League school and a house were outlandish gifts, ones that highlighted the vast power difference between us.
I felt wildly inferior, with no way of reciprocity.
"Do you…forgive me?" His whisper was in my ear.
I turned to look at him, his golden eyes fixed on me. The amber color seemed to swirl, an intensity there that highlighted his brilliant, golden flecks. I was lost in his gaze. "Yes," I mumbled. It was true. I couldn't stay mad at him for long. "But we are not done with this conversation."
He was silent and his brows were pulled together as he placed his lunch props on his tray—just a package of warm breadsticks today.
We joined our friends at our usual table, trying to ignore the sudden tenseness between us. Jasper and Alice were with us today—Jasper caught my eye for just a second, one of his eyebrows arched. While he couldn't read minds, he was extremely gifted at detecting and influencing emotion. I saw him glance at Edward, and in less than a second I felt a calm reassurance wash over me.
Behind that reassurance I could still feel the annoyance I'd felt with Edward, but it was getting fainter by the moment. I was caught between gratitude that the anger was subsiding, and a new, fresher annoyance that I didn't have the ability to process my reaction on my own.
But Jasper wouldn't be around forever, and I would process it then.
I was lost in my thoughts about what silent communication might have passed between Edward and Jasper when suddenly I heard Angela's voice.
"Alice?" She started waving in front of Alice's face, which now had the glazed expression that indicated she was in a trance, having a vision of the future. Alice was as still as a statue, her eyes wide and open. A fresh wave of anxiety coursed through me.
Edward and Jasper couldn't take their eyes off of her. My own curiosity rose, wondering what she and Edward—who undoubtedly was witnessing the vision through her thoughts—were seeing. Before I could place his expression, he composed his features in a light-hearted way, smiling at her.
Edward snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Are you that concerned about your final, Alice?"
She suddenly came around. Everyone at the table was looking at her.
"What?" Alice looked back at everyone, surprised herself. "Oh, right, yes. I'm worried I might have answered my essay question incorrectly this morning."
A silent moment of communication occurred between the two of them, and I couldn't wait to corner them afterwards to learn the content of her vision.
"Don't worry, Alice, I'm sure you could go back and have it corrected!" Angela chimed in, noticing the growing awkwardness of the conversation.
The rest of the lunch conversation revolved around finals. Between my argument with Edward and knowing that a vision had occurred at lunch, I tuned them out and nodded distractedly, waiting to be wrapped up with lunch.
Alice stood up suddenly. "I'm going to go talk to my teacher about my essay. Jasper, can you come too?" She looked at him and he nodded.
Before I had a chance to say anything, or to ask her any questions, she danced over to the area where she threw away her uneaten food, and she and Jasper disappeared down the hallway.
So much for cornering her.
"We should get ready for our gym final," Edward said, also standing up. He picked up my tray in addition to his own, containing an uneaten sandwich, and gestured for me to join him.
"Yes," I said, understanding he wanted to talk to me in private. "I'll see all of you around. Good luck with everything today!" I waved awkwardly at them and scurried after Edward.
I caught up with him as he was tossing the food away.
"So, are you going to share what that was about?" I asked.
He sighed and looked at the ground as he opened the door. We started on the walk outside to the building that contained the gym. I couldn't believe I had a final in this class. "She had a vision about Victoria, but it was difficult to understand what was happening."
"Victoria?" My voice went up several octaves as cool, foggy air surrounded me. "I… forgot about her."
Edward surprised me by chuckling. "I am keenly aware of that. Only you could forget a deadly predator hell bent on killing you."
"Well, you are very distracting." My answer was automatic and surprisingly flirtatious given how annoyed I was with him.
"I'm glad you aren't losing sleep over it," he said absentmindedly. "I would be, but… you know."
"Can't sleep," I smiled as I finished his thought. "Will you share what you did see?"
He paused for a moment, long enough that I was suspicious. We were inside the gym now, the large space filled with the scent of rubber, floor polish, and teen sweat. It was my least favorite place in the world, and I was excited to be done with it. After today, the remaining gym classes were intended to be freestyle, which for me meant walking on the perimeter of the track with Edward until the bell rang. "I'll share on the drive home," he said finally. "Let's go change and get this over with."
He smiled at me as he walked off towards the locker room.
As I changed, I couldn't help but feel weird about the day's events. I was still stifling my uncomfortability with Edward's automatic assumption that I'd want to go to Dartmouth, while trying to decipher what exactly happened with Alice's vision. Edward seemed less open than normal, on edge almost. And, he was correct that I should be more nervous about Victoria than I was. With Edward back in my life, and all the Cullens, and all the werewolves, I really felt extremely protected, against Victoria and my other enemy—the Volturi. Edward's tone suggested that maybe that was foolish. His uneasiness made me uneasy.
Or maybe that was just this impending gym final. Coach Clapp had made the final day of actual class a personal nightmare for me: running one mile along the track, attempting to make a basketball shot in front of the entire class, and a short written exam on some of the health and safety lessons from the past year.
I did love seeing Edward in gym though. I found it extremely comical to see him feign humanity in this way. When we first started to get to know one another, he'd spied on me through the minds of others out of curiosity since I'd mentioned I was so uncoordinated. He was originally concerned with my safety, but now, being in the same class together, he was mostly amused at my lack of coordination. He tried sometimes to be more awkward than I was—an accomplishment—in order to make me feel better. Normally it worked, and we'd laugh about it on the drive home.
During the final, he ran just below my pace, which was excruciatingly slow even for a human, and whispered encouragements in my ear. When I missed my shot at basketball, he did the same. The written exam was hilariously easy, asking the most rudimentary questions around avoiding drug use, nutrition, and sex education.
"I'm happy that none of those sex ed questions apply to us," Edward smiled at me as we walked together to our next class, back outside in the grayness of the afternoon. A misty rain was coming down, creating minuscule puddles on the parked cars we walked by. His mood seemed much lighter than normal, and I wondered if he was attempting to make up for our conversation earlier. "Can confirm the question about infectious diseases being the number one cause of death in history, though."
I responded with a hearty laugh and clapped my hands over my mouth. "What, do you have some sort of personal experience with that?"
"Very personal." He winked at me. Edward had essentially died from the Spanish Flu. It was so hard to stay even a little mad at him.
"I'm glad none of those other questions apply with us either," I said, returning to his original point. It had been fun if not extremely odd to cover topics like birth control and STDs with my vampire boyfriend. STDs and pregnancy weren't exactly possible.
"You really have a hard time with that word," he commented as he held the entrance door open.
"What word?" I asked, sneaking by him. I wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"You can't even say sex ed." He laughed and his hand caught mine. "It's not even the same thing."
"It's kind of the same thing." I blushed and paused. "I can say sex ed."
His cool finger brushed under my jaw. "Your voice dropped when you said it just now. You're so adorable." He stared at me and his eyes were wildly penetrating.
I looked away before I lost my ability to think. "I think you are just trying to distract me."
"Is it working?"
"Yes?" I heard my own inflection.
We entered our final class for the day—English—and took our seats at the back. Edward leaned over to me as he pulled out his notebook. His voice was barely audible as he whispered. "I'll give you something else distracting to think about: if you can get over your aversion to speaking directly about sex, and associated things with it, and we can have a genuine conversation about it, maybe we can progress further down that road."
He was correct that this was extremely distracting. I didn't know what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn't this. Mr. Berty started talking about preparations for our final, but I barely heard him. I was extremely prepared for our English final, since I'd read almost the entire syllabus in advance of starting senior year.
I was trying to process Edward's comment. He was correct that I had a difficult time talking directly about sex. I didn't even like thinking the word, even though my imagination had certainly conjured up a number of interesting scenarios over the last few weeks, since Edward had been more suggestive if not still as much of a tease as ever.
So, I decided on the spot that this was no longer going to be an issue for me. I didn't know the origin of my aversion, but it didn't matter any more. Just like how I had made a firm decision that it was not possible to have Jacob in my life, friend or otherwise, I made the decision that this, too, was a taboo that I wasn't going to embrace any longer. Especially since now that there were incentives to get over it.
I glanced over at Edward, but he was lost in thought, completely quiet and a little too still. I brushed his icy fingers with the back of my hand, hoping to show him that I wasn't still mad. I wanted to have a conversation about why the Dartmouth decision irritated me, but I needed time to process it myself first.
The class seemed to last an impossibly long time. When the bell rang, I shoved all my materials in my bag and looked at Edward.
"Shall we?" He asked, picking up my bag of books. I appreciated when he offered to carry them, especially since to him they weighed essentially nothing.
"Yes, I'm really interested to learn more about what happened at lunch," I said as we walked out of the building. We were very close to the parking lot and I wandered over to his silver car. He unlocked it, but did not get inside.
"Speaking of—would you mind waiting in the Volvo for a moment? I want to give something to Alice before we part ways since I'll be spending the evening at your house."
A flash of suspicion coursed through me, but it seemed like a reasonable enough request. "Sure, but be very fast."
"I promise I'll be faster than you in gym today," he teased.
I laughed as I sat down in his pristine car, enjoying how much of his wonderful scent lingered in its interior. I watched him walk over to Alice's Porsche—canary yellow and without question the most ridiculous car in the parking lot. I pulled out my cell phone and looked at it for the first time that day. I'd forgotten that I had it, honestly, and decided to try texting Edward for fun. "You are taking too long." It was difficult to type.
I glanced into the side mirror, glazed with tiny water beads, and saw him starting to come back already just as my message said it was delivered. He pulled out his phone and I saw him smile. He typed significantly faster than I did, as he was walking. By the time he'd gotten to the driver's side, I saw my phone flash— Edward: So impatient.
"Congratulations on your first text message," he said as he sat down. "I'm honored to be your first."
I gave him a flirtatious side eye and he smiled crookedly.
"Are you going to tell me about Alice's vision?" I asked as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the small main road. It was a very quick drive to Charlie's house, especially since Edward had no concept of speed limits.
"Sure," he said, his face hardening. "We saw that she's strategizing, but it's…chaotic. It looks like she's still alone, which is ideal." He paused, unsure of how to proceed. "Her plans are incomplete, and I think it may have to do with her making plans that cross over the treaty line, where Alice's vision fail."
"She might attack the wolves?" I asked, concerned.
He shook his head. "No, she doesn't know about them, which is for the best. The wolves can take care of themselves, Bella. It's just that she is plotting her course and the treaty is very inconvenient for seeing the future."
"We should warn them."
"Yes, and we will, when it is clearer when and what might happen," Edward agreed. My eyebrows rose in surprise at how he did seem to be at least slightly concerned about their safety. "I'm monitoring everything very closely, love. No one will get hurt."
We were nearing Charlie's now, his cruiser parked out front. "You called me love. Did we decide on a pet name, then?"
He smiled. "What do you think? It sounds right to me. You'll always be my love."
I blushed. "Okay, it stays. What should I call you?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Whatever you would like," he said suggestively. He parked the car in my driveway.
