The forest around me was the same, but it was like the volume had been turned up. The dawn was cool and vibrant, purple haze bursting through the cracks of evergreens, the scent of fresh pine battering my senses. I could see thousands of microscopic insects, their movements across the clean soil of bark and fallen needles catching my attention. Aside from the quiet tap tap tap of their legs moving along the ferns and the buzz of their wings, the forest around me was silent and unmoving. No birdsong found me as I lifted myself from the ground.
I could feel my strength. My limbs felt heavier, denser somehow. My muscles seemed more prominent, more developed than my usual soft flesh. I stared at my hands, noting their familiar appearance. I still had a freckle on my wrist and my nails were straight and clean, like they'd been buffed. But they were still the same. I rubbed my hands together and noticed no difference, but when I picked up a small piece of mulch beside me I noticed it disintegrated into a thousand pieces when I squeezed it so gently.
It had only been a half a second of me taking in the unfamiliar forest before the thirst hit me.
Edward's face flashed before me, not unlike the hallucinations I saw when he had left me last year. I felt my unmoving heart shatter, thinking of his fearful look as I'd blacked out. Unconsciously, I pulled myself to the patch of dirt where I saw him last and let out a tearless cry.
Bella. His voice was a song in my head. Bella, listen to me.
"I am," I said out loud, to the delusion in my mind. "Tell me what to do."
Do you remember one of our first conversations, where you asked if you could see me hunt?
"Yes," I answered, although when I sunk deep into my memories I realized they were hazy now. Panic flooded me as I worried I would forget Edward, forget everything we'd experienced. I can't think about that right now, I told myself, I told the voice.
Give in to your senses and hunt.
"What if I hurt someone?"
In a flash, I realized it didn't matter to me. I would obviously try not to kill anybody, understanding the choices that the Cullens had made. I also understood in this moment that the only thing I craved more than human blood –an impossible, burning sensation coursing through me– was the desperation I felt that I needed to find Edward as quickly as possible, and I would kill anybody who got in my way.
I inhaled.
The pine and woodsy scent consumed me, and I detected nothing else.
I inhaled again, trying harder. I thought of Edward's face. I wished he was here to teach me.
Beneath the freshness of the forest, I could detect the faintest scent of wet fur. It was musty and repulsive, reminding me of the farm animals I'd seen as a child with my mother.
This is what I'm expected to eat? I thought to the voice, fully giving into Edward's apparition.
Try.
So I did. I leaned into that deeper layer of scent and waited, the air passing through me in a fluid motion. I felt the breeze on my skin, my tangled hair lifted infinitesimally. The scent of the musty animal moved past me, and I was off.
Running had never come naturally to me, but as I moved through the forest I realized that it was certainly much easier now than it had been in my prior life. I was moving so quickly that trees blurred past me, and I was mostly silent as I brushed over the top of the ferns. My shoe did catch a log a couple of times, and I realized at that moment that becoming a vampire had erased only ninety percent of my clumsiness. I frowned at no one.
I could see the deer, peacefully eating in the clearing before me. The doe's fur was tawny and had soft spots on her haunches, young.
I didn't hesitate any more, and I ran like a wild woman at the deer. My hands reached out before me, instinctively, as I twisted its neck. It felt effortless. My teeth bit into her neck and the warmth of blood coated my lips, my teeth. As the animal's life flowed through me after my kill, I understood that the pacifism of my human life was no more.
Good. The voice was still there. It was so loud and so clear.
I hunted and killed another deer, my thirst slowly abating to something manageable. When it left, another, more sickening feeling consumed me. I knelt next to the dead deer, my clothes coated in blood —from my own healed wounds and my kills— and struck the earth with my fists, releasing a quiet wail.
Help me, I don't know what to do, I pleaded to the beautiful delusion.
I'm okay, Bella. This is a trap.
How do you know? You aren't real. I sobbed again as I realized that not only was I completely alone, but also delusional.
You know me, you know everything about me. This is just an extrapolation.
I was never good at math, Edward.
The voice laughed. Get up. Think.
Through his strength, I found my own. I abandoned the corpse of the deer and stood, brushing the dirt from my jeans and took in the eerie silence.
I understood I was alone. I inhaled and smelled nothing nearby, no people or vampires, just animals in the distance. The Volturi were gone, and so was Edward. I attempted to remember the series of events before I was abandoned in the forest. I recalled Maxim, claiming he was helping us, and that Aro had said he was difficult to work with. He could control time, and Aro hinted that he could influence fate as well, whatever that meant.
Aro said we were in the year 1918.
I felt a shiver of electricity wash through me.
Find Carlisle, he can help you.
But where, Edward?
Haven't you listened before? He's in Chicago, helping with the Spanish Flu.
I sat down on a rock to stop myself from being consumed by shock. I was in Washington, in an unknown part of the forest. I needed to get to Chicago. It was 1918. My history was decent, but not perfect. I understood there was a war, and there was the Spanish Flu.
Electricity rioted through me again. Was human Edward still alive? Curiosity flared.
How do I get to Chicago? I asked the voice.
Find the closest town and confirm what Aro said. Edward was commanding but gentle, and I appreciated his certainty. Was it my certainty? I realized in that moment we were the same, our hearts and minds joined in unison, the strange bond between us complete and infinite. I touched the ring on my finger. Steal clothes —you are truly a mess— and then run to Chicago.
"Run to Chicago?" I said out loud.
Edward laughed again. You are a vampire now, love. No risk of hitting trees.
I had my doubts about this still, but didn't want the voice in my head to know this. I chuckled slightly at my own insanity.
What about… people? I thought of my new violent tendencies and worry surged through me.
Be discreet. I'll talk you through it.
Even though it was just a voice in my mind, somehow I knew I could cling to this. I knew I could listen to the Edward in my head and somehow find the strength to not be the monster I knew he hated.
I also knew it, deep within my core, that I would kill for him. I would find him, and I would destroy the people responsible for this. My own fury consumed me.
I didn't hesitate any longer. I knew my plan, as messy and insane as it was, and I understood now was the time to execute. I inhaled, this time focusing on anything that would be remotely human. A very distant sound of a tree falling paired with the sweet tang of gasoline guided me to what I imagined was a logging company.
I was running towards the sound, so faint I almost wondered if it was imaginary. I still focused on not tripping, my balance improved but not to the level I'd come to expect with Edward. Spruce and redwoods flew past me as the gray sky deepened towards twilight.
I paused. The sound was just slightly more audible. I needed to hurry before darkness fell. I remembered this was —supposedly— before widespread usage of electricity, and I imagined these unsuspecting humans would be ending their day soon. I continued to run, pushing myself as fast as I possibly could. I did not find it exhilarating, despite Edward's previous enthusiasm.
I remembered the first time I experienced running with Edward. I recalled the motion sickness as we ran through our meadow, and how he'd taken care of me after we'd returned. And, how we'd had our first kiss afterwards. Thinking about his marble lips, so firm against my own, made me run harder.
The scent of humans soon overwhelmed me. I felt my whole body constrict, as a much more urgent need to hunt took over me. The smell was pleasant: I faintly recalled the scent of baked bread, warm and spicy, mixed with another scent, one that was sweeter, with undertones of melon and lemongrass. Every muscle in my body flexed suddenly and I felt venom fill my mouth. I lurched forward, compelled by something more than just a desperation for information: my body was ready to hunt, and these would be my first true victims.
My feet moved on their own accord.
Bella.
The voice was stern, commanding.
Bella, love. Pause. Just for a second. I can talk you through this.
No, I told the voice, I want them. It's….overwhelming.
Try, Bella. For me. You will find me faster if we can get through this.
My mind pushed aside Edward's voice for just a moment and I found myself replaying memories in my head, almost like he was sending them to me. The feeling of him as I collided into his bare chest in Italy. The way he pressed me against the wall the night we were engaged. The morning, just days ago, where I spun before him naked in the sunlight, his body throwing rainbows on the walls.
I stopped. I took a breath, letting the scent rip through me.
Good. His voice was pleased, but still firm. Ground yourself.
What?
Bella, listen to me. Hold your breath.
I did as he said. It was instantly better, the intensity to hunt dying within me by just a fraction.
Good. He repeated. His voice was my anchor. I would do anything to keep hearing it. Now, focus on your feet.
I raised my eyebrows, confused, but realized the voice in my head couldn't see that. I did as he said, and focused on my feet, crammed into my muddy shoes. They felt constricted in the fabric and I had the sudden urge to take them off. I resisted.
Focus on your legs.
They were so strong, so muscular. I rubbed my hands on my denim, feeling the strength of my thighs. I'd never been strong before, and sensing their power was exhilarating.
Focus on your torso.
It was so still, so unmoving. No oxygen, no heartbeat. It was solid like marble beneath my bloodied clothes.
Your arms.
How much I wished to hold Edward in that moment.
Your mouth.
How much I wanted to kiss him.
Your nose.
The feeling of him kissing the tip of it.
Close your eyes.
I let my eyelids fall and let the echo of his orders stay in my mind. The sound of nearby humans filled me, my breath still held.
They are people, Bella. They have families and lives and futures. They were somebody's child. They may have their own children.
I felt my muscles relax, but venom still coursed through my mouth.
They have someone in their life who would do what you are doing for me, Bella, if you were to hurt them.
My posture eased more, the venom slowly retreating.
Love them, Bella. Love them unconditionally, and you won't harm them.
How I wished that was true. I —Edward— was grasping at straws now. It was our only hope.
I took a calculated step forward. I was still in control.
Good, Edward praised. Slowly, in shadows. Don't let them see you. Stay hidden in the forest.
I proceeded with caution, moving at a human speed as I approached a distant clearing.
I could see two men, burly and huge. They were wearing large coveralls and dirty white collared shirts. I could tell even from a distance that they were laborers, tired and sweaty after spending the day chopping wood. Next to them was a giant redwood, an equally enormous saw leaning against it. Its teeth marks were driven into just a percent of the tree's massive girth. I continued to hold my breath. Did the men look that different? Was this really a different time? Forks had always been a logging center. Chopping a tree with an saw seemed a little outdated, but I was by no means a timber expert.
I edged closer, my curiosity now overpowering.
"That's enough for the day, Gilbert." A new man in suspenders entered my view, and every instinct in me told me to inhale, to see what delicious scent this man held for me. Don't, love. Edward's voice rang through me once again. "What's Mary preparing for dinner tonight?"
"We've got some of the venison in the icebox still." The man named Gilbert suddenly looked very excited.
The man in the suspenders chuckled. "Well, let's get going then. Are the both of you ready to go? I've got my car just past the clearing."
A car. If the outdated names and the word icebox didn't confirm Aro's comments, a car certainly would. I began to move, edging around the men in the forest. Night was falling quickly around me. Not that it mattered much — the cloud cover had been excessive.
I spotted a black car on a dirt road on the other side of the clearing, just like the man in the suspenders claimed. It was not a modern car, and I felt every part of my body tense. My first instinct was to rationalize it: maybe I'm on the set of a movie. Maybe this man just collects antique cars.
But icy chills ran through me and I realized that Aro's warning was true: we were in the past. I didn't know how it was possible — the stuff of science fiction novels I'd read — but it was incontrovertibly true.
I watched the men place their tools next to a worn wooden building, no larger than a small cabin. The car roared to life, filling the trees around us with the echoes of a large tractor. The men clamored in, and with a pop!, the car was bouncing slowly down a dirt road.
I ran in the shadows beside them, holding my breath but desperate for answers. I would find the town. I would steal whatever I could. And I would go find Carlisle.
