The whole house fell silent as Blaine stood at the bar in Sebastian's house alone for a long time in shock at what he had just witnessed. It was like Sebastian became a completely different person. He went from his regular self, joking about wine and trashing his parents' house to confiding in Blaine about Hunter to confessing he didn't want to be Blaine's rebound, whatever that meant. He honestly couldn't figure out why or what it meant for their relationship. Sebastian always wanted to hook up with him; it's not like that was a secret. He even tried to get Blaine to cheat on his boyfriend. So now that Blaine was coming onto him stronger than ever, why didn't he want it anymore? Maybe Sebastian wasn't attracted to Blaine at all anymore. But that wouldn't make sense. He still made tons of flirty jokes. Maybe he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying. No, he wasn't. Not even a blacked-out Sebastian would do something like that.
When Blaine finally broke from his frozen silence, he contemplated looking for Sebastian just to make sure he was okay. Not only was he clearly going through something emotionally, but he also had way too much to drink in the span of five minutes. But he remembered Sebastian's words vividly. Don't follow me. So he tried not to. He returned to the music room and sat at the piano, wondering if playing something would bring Sebastian back.
As much as he wanted to go looking for Sebastian despite his wishes, Blaine wasn't sure he could even navigate the place to find where he was. The house was huge, and Blaine had seen less than half of it. He didn't know what Sebastian's room looked like or if that would even be where Sebastian retreated to. For a moment, Blaine gave up hope on finding Sebastian and started to play the first notes to "She Will Be Loved", hoping Sebastian was close enough to hear. But Blaine couldn't quite get it right and he didn't feel like focusing on a song.
Part of him really wanted to text Kurt, and that hurt, too. He felt sick to his stomach. Here he was, on the verge of throwing himself at this guy he's been attracted to for years when he wasn't even close to over his ex-boyfriend. He was making a guy he genuinely liked feel like a rebound because after all, that's exactly what he was, even if Blaine wouldn't admit it. There was an intrusive lump rising in his throat and for a moment, he thought he was about to cry. Then he realized that lump was vomit and he desperately needed to find a bathroom. He held his hand over his mouth while he searched nearby rooms for a bathroom. Luckily, he found one just in time and threw up in the nearest toilet. He flushed it and then sunk down on the floor, tears filling up his eyes.
Of course. He had one good thing after the breakup, and he screwed it up. He made Sebastian feel like he didn't care when in reality, Blaine cared about him more than he could ever say, maybe even too much. Why couldn't he just resist the temptation and be Sebastian's friend? Sebastian needed a friend and so did Blaine, so why did it have to be so complicated? If he really thought about it, Blaine knew this was Sebastian's fault. He was the one constantly flirting with him, seeming interested, making Blaine fall for his stupid sex innuendos and winks. If Sebastian was literally anyone else, this wouldn't be a problem. But he wasn't. And maybe that was the point.
Blaine still didn't know if the vomit was from the alcohol or his conversation with Sebastian, but the sickness did serve as a wakeup call reminding Blaine that he needed to find his friend...or whatever Sebastian was to him. Sebastian had way more to drink than he did and was in no condition to take care of himself. He started roaming around the house, trying to figure out a starting point for looking for him. He figured he would try upstairs since most of the bedrooms were up there and that was pretty much Blaine's only idea.
He opened seven different doors before he found Sebastian's room. It was a nice size and clearly decorated by a professional, but it didn't look like something Sebastian would have picked out himself. He only knew it was his room because of the Dalton blazer hanging on the closet door. Unfortunately, Sebastian was nowhere to be seen. Blaine walked into the room and looked around, hoping at the very least he'd find some sign of life. He checked Sebastian's huge walk-in closet, but he wasn't in there, either. Then he heard the sound of running water and turned around to find the door to a bathroom. He took a deep breath and then knocked. Before he had a moment to process it, he started to panic, realizing he didn't plan out what to say.
The running water stopped for a moment and Blaine could have sworn he could hear Sebastian's breathing through the door, as if he was leaning right up against it. "You can come in," Sebastian said after at least a minute of silence.
Blaine slowly turned the doorknob and walked in to find Sebastian leaning up against the vanity, facing the door. He looked better than he had downstairs when Blaine last saw him, but he could tell something was off. And Sebastian's eyes were still red. Blaine was once again in disbelief that Sebastian looked like he had been crying. "Sebastian, I…"
"No, it's okay. I feel like I owe you an explanation," Sebastian looked up at Blaine, his green eyes fighting to stay there.
Blaine shook his head. "You don't have to explain."
"Yes, I do. I'm trying this new thing where I'm honest, remember?" Sebastian reminded him. He led Blaine back into his bedroom and sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him for Blaine to join him. Blaine took a deep breath, nervous for what Sebastian was about to say. "I swear to god if you repeat this to anyone…"
"Sebastian, it's okay. I'm not going to say anything," Blaine insisted. He wanted to hold Sebastian's hand, or reassure him in some way that everything would be okay. But he didn't want to push it too far. He didn't know what was normal anymore.
Sebastian looked at Blaine for a minute before speaking, as if he wasn't sure if he believed him or not. But when Blaine gave him a reassuring half-smile, Sebastian decided it was time to talk. "So I have a reputation. Everyone knows it. You just brought it up tonight after the show. I've hooked up with a lot of guys. Sex is fun and... it's easy for me." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "I'm very good at it." He glanced at Blaine with a hint of a smirk which, of course, made him smile. At least there was a small hint of the Sebastian he knew and cared about. "But I don't just want some mindless hookup with you, Blaine."
When it didn't seem like he was going to elaborate on what that meant, Blaine pushed back a little bit. "What changed?"
"It's not like anything changed. Well, I guess when you and I first met that's what it was. You were hot, talented, unavailable. But now it's...well, I lost you as a friend once. I did a series of really fucked up things and then your asshole boyfriend made you stop talking to me. I was pissed when I found out. I don't talk to that many people. Most of the Warblers are obnoxious and all the kids at Dalton are posers," he explained with a shrug. "So losing you wasn't great."
"I'm really sorry about that. I never should have cut you out like that, especially without an explanation," Blaine confessed.
"It's fine. I never questioned why you did it. I always knew it was Kurt. Plus, I kind of deserved it. I treated you like shit last year. All of that is in the past though, it's not really the point," Sebastian replied. For the first time, Blaine believed him. He felt a sense of relief with Sebastian's reassurance that this wasn't about that. "The point is that I know what it felt like to lose you as a friend and it felt like shit."
Blaine nodded, understanding a new piece of the puzzle that was Sebastian Smythe. "Yeah, it didn't feel great on my end either."
"Well at least I can sleep at night knowing you were secretly fantasizing about me, too," Sebastian winked at him.
"I did not say that," Blaine denied, a blush surfacing on his cheeks.
"Anyway, my point is that I've been a rebound before. Well, I've been a rebound many times. But I had this friend in Paris. We weren't as close as..." as close as me and you, Blaine filled in, "well, we weren't that close, but we played lacrosse together and he was a pretty cool guy. I wasn't really into him or anything, but he went through a pretty rough breakup the summer before I transferred to Dalton. One night, we went out to this club and got super wasted. We woke up in bed together the next morning and it kind of just spiraled from there. I rarely double dip with hookups, but this lasted for a month or so." He took a break from the story to breathe for a second and then continued. "Then his ex-boyfriend showed up and he just stopped talking to me all together. Our last conversation, he said all this stuff about how he never should have hooked up with me and he wasn't over his boyfriend and I just confused him or something. He quit lacrosse, stopped hanging out in the dorms at night. I don't know, it was a lot." Sebastian kept staring at the wall in his room, holding his breath. "Anyway, we're not friends anymore."
Blaine stared at Sebastian longingly, wishing there was something he could do to make this all okay. "I'm so sorry, that must have been awful."
"No, that wasn't the point, either. I don't want you to feel bad for me. It honestly didn't suck that much. The guy was an idiot. He was failing French even though we were literally in France, but somehow, he still couldn't pick up the language. He also got benched most lacrosse games for getting in fights with the other team. It was more of a friendship out of convenience than it was anything else. Most kids at the school were European but we were both American so we just kind of got thrown together, even if he was insufferable," Sebastian explained, rolling his eyes at the description of his former friend.
Blaine couldn't help but laugh as Sebastian described his friend. "Wow, I can't believe you had sex with this guy."
"Honestly, the sex wasn't half bad. I just hated listening to him speak, so it was better when we weren't talking, if you know what I mean," Sebastian shrugged. "Also, you had sex with a guy who looks like my grandmother and dresses like an eight-year-old girl, so."
Blaine rolled his eyes at the insult but decided not to argue. It wasn't worth it. "As much as I'd love to listen to you describe the details of sex with the dumb, aggressive lacrosse boy," he mumbled sarcastically, "what does this mean for you and me?"
Sebastian took a deep breath and then continued. "Basically, I liked you right away when I met you. Sure, you have a great ass and even though you put way too much gel in your hair despite it looking perfectly fine without any gel at all, it always looks nice. And it's super hot when I hit on you and you get all flustered trying to think of something to say back."
Blaine's face burned red as he realized all of the things Sebastian noticed that he thought he was getting away with. Clearly, he wasn't as sneaky as he thought.
"But even without all of that, you give insanely good advice. And believe it or not, your voice is the greatest I've ever heard. You're an incredible friend, not just to me but to everyone. Sam might be the dumbest person I've ever met, and Tina is so clearly in love with you it's downright creepy. Rachel is the most intolerable person on this planet and Finn can't sing or dance, so I have no idea how he's running the New Directions now. Don't even get me started on Kurt. But you never hesitate to stick up for every one of them. I'd think you were crazy if I didn't know better. I still do a little bit."
Blaine found himself smiling so wide it was almost embarrassing. This was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him.
Sebastian must have noticed because there was a hint of red on his cheeks as he continued. "So my point is, even if every time I'm with you I think about how much I want to fuck you every five minutes and it's straight up unbearable to walk away from you when you're staring at me in that sexy optimistic way you always do, practically begging me to kiss you, I just can't do it. This is going to be the cheesiest thing yet, so please don't laugh," Sebastian paused, looking at Blaine to verify that he wouldn't get made fun of. "I don't want to risk losing you because you honestly are the most important person in my life. And I was in hell without you around last year. I don't want to put myself through that again just because I can't keep it in my pants."
Blaine let out a laugh as Sebastian blushed. He admired how confident Sebastian was in his sexuality, his ability to own every part of his body and have sex with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted. "I've been someone's rebound hundreds of times before. I can't tell you how many semi-attractive twenty-somethings end up at Scandals after a breakup searching for someone like me. Same with Paris. You know how many broken-hearted lovesick idiots there are there? It's basically the entire population of tourists," Sebastian joked, looking up at Blaine only for a second. Blaine reacted with a brief chuckle. "But I've only been the rebound to one person that I ever considered a friend, and it didn't end well. I don't want to risk losing you the second Hummel decides he's ready to forgive you just for a one-night stand, no matter how much I want to. Maybe it's selfish to deprive you of what would almost certainly be the best sex of your life, I don't know. But it feels like what I need to do."
As cringe worthy as the end was, Blaine appreciated the humorous spin. It's what Sebastian did best. Well, he thought it was until he heard Sebastian pour his heart out to him like this. "Wow, that was a lot," Blaine admitted. He was feeling a little bit overwhelmed, as if he didn't know where to begin addressing everything Sebastian said.
Sebastian started to look nervous, fidgeting with his hands while he looked around the room. "I'm thanking those Courvoisier shots right about now. I would not have been able to get all of that out," he acknowledged, rubbing the back of his neck.
Despite everything Sebastian just explained, he just wanted to kiss him more. It was times like these when he really fell for him, when he was really honest about himself and how he felt. It was too much for Blaine to handle. He decided to take what he could and instead of going for the kiss, he took Sebastian's hand in his and squeezed it. "So am I. I'm glad you told me all of this. Everything makes so much more sense now."
Sebastian let himself smile, if only for a second, at the sensation of his hand in Blaine's. "Well, I couldn't just leave you hanging. You looked like you wanted to jump me right there on the piano bench," he joked.
Blaine rolled his eyes and looked into Sebastian's eyes, wishing there was some way he could make this all okay. Even though Sebastian finally explained what the hell was going on with him, he still didn't offer a solution to their obvious sexual tension. All Blaine wanted to do was insist that Sebastian wouldn't be his rebound and that he always wanted him even despite his relationship with Kurt. Maybe Eli was his rebound even if he and Kurt weren't broken up yet when it happened. But he knew it wouldn't be fair to say any of that if he didn't know if it was true or not. After his performance in Grease earlier in the night, he was ready to abandon all of his plans with Sebastian at the drop of a hat to spend the night talking with Kurt. He had to admit he wasn't over Kurt and that it might be awhile before he was.
"Sorry, you're probably freaked out." Sebastian started to stand up and pace again until Blaine reached for his hand to stop him from moving.
"No, I'm not freaked out. I'm just thinking," Blaine explained, looking for a way out of his all-consuming mind. He couldn't find the words to explain how he felt, so he decided it would be best to leave it alone. "How about we just hang out? Nothing else, we'll just try to be friends."
Sebastian let out a sigh of relief that Blaine had no idea he was holding in. "Perfect."
Blaine smiled as he squeezed Sebastian's hand again, enjoying the feeling of their hands clasped together much more than he should have. "But also, it's two in the morning and we are both way too drunk to drive. Would you mind if I slept over?"
"Jesus, you're really going to do everything in your power to tempt me away from this 'just friends' thing, aren't you?" They both laughed a little at the joke. "Yeah, I can drive you home in the morning. You have another show tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, a matinee actually. I'm supposed to be there at 11," Blaine frowned, realizing he wouldn't be getting very much sleep.
Sebastian's eyes widened as he realized the same thing. "Well you better get to sleep then." He stood up and started searching his closet for something. A minute later, he tossed a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants toward Blaine. "Good enough?"
Blaine held up the sweatshirt to look at it. It was a shade of dark blue with the Dalton Academy lacrosse logo on it. "Yeah, but I can just sleep in my clothes. I don't need to create more laundry for you."
"First of all, no you can't. As sexy as those tight pants are, I know they can't be comfortable to sleep in. And second, you really think I do my own laundry in this house? I don't even know where the laundry room is," Sebastian shrugged as he pulled a shirt out of the closet for himself.
Blaine laughed at the joke. Of course Sebastian didn't do his own laundry in a house like this. "If you say so."
Before Blaine could process what was happening, Sebastian was changing clothes right in front of him with his back facing Blaine. He couldn't help but stare at the muscles on his back as he changed from his long-sleeve rugby shirt into a t-shirt with some French words written on it. He assumed it was from his boarding school in Paris based on the logo. After changing shirts, Sebastian turned around to face him before he had the chance to pretend he wasn't looking. "You know, you're really not making the friends thing easy when you stare at me like that all the time. Are you drooling?" Sebastian smirked as he made his way to the bathroom to change his pants. "I know it's hard, but at least try to pretend you're not constantly thinking about having sex with me."
Blaine tried to think of a witty response, but he was once again at a loss for words when Sebastian shut the door to the bathroom to finish changing clothes. He decided to take this opportunity to change into the clothes Sebastian gave him for the night. Of course, both items were too big on him. Although Sebastian was very thin, he was definitely in better shape than Blaine and he was much taller which made his clothes very baggy on someone as small as Blaine. His pants dangled several inches below Blaine's feet when he sat down on the bed and the arms of the sweatshirt hung far below his hands. But something about it was comforting. Blaine enjoyed the smell of the combination of laundry detergent and cologne.
Sebastian returned to the room a while later and almost burst out laughing at the sight of Blaine in his clothes. "Wow, I know I'm a little bit taller than you but damn. You're not gonna be able to walk in those," he joked, nudging Blaine as he started to take the decorative pillows off his bed.
"Good thing I'm just going to sleep," Blaine replied, leaning back on the bed.
This time, Blaine could feel Sebastian's eyes lingering on his body as he prepared the bed to be slept in. "You can sleep in here or there are like a million other rooms in this place. It's up to you."
Blaine lifted the sheets over his body and started to close his eyes. "This is good."
"I really can't catch a break, can I?" Sebastian asked, pretending to be frustrated over Blaine's teasing.
He shut off the lights and then sat down on the bed next to where Blaine was already half asleep. "Just lay down and go to sleep. I won't bite," Blaine said with a faint smirk and heavy eyes.
With the lights off, Blaine had a hard time tracking where Sebastian was until he was lying right up next to him, their arms so close that any slight movement would result in something touching. Without thinking too much of it, Blaine reached for Sebastian's arm and lifted it around his body. Something about it felt natural and he was surprised when not even Sebastian protested the movement. In fact, Sebastian repositioned himself so that he was holding Blaine in his arms.
As Blaine felt himself about to drift to sleep, he felt the need to say one last thing regarding their conversation about rebounds and friendships and the future of their relationship. "Sebastian?" Sebastian let out a tired hum to let Blaine know he was listening. "I don't know how I feel about Kurt right now. I don't know what I would do if he called me and said he was ready to get back together. But I do know that I won't give up what I have with you to get him back," Blaine explained, hoping it would be enough to convey his feelings. "I'm never going to leave you behind again."
Sebastian responded by kissing the back of Blaine's head and holding onto his hand just a little bit tighter as they both drifted off to sleep.
After what felt like only a few hours of sleep, Sebastian woke up first in desperate need of water. During the chaos of confessing his thoughts about their friendship to Blaine, he forgot how much he had to drink and suddenly felt dehydrated upon waking up at 9 A.M. When he woke up, he still felt the smaller boy lying in his arms, fast asleep. He stared at him for a moment and smiled. Blaine always looked so at peace while he was sleeping. Sebastian wanted to avoid waking him up, but he knew eventually Blaine would need to be awake so he could drive him back to Lima for his matinee performance of Grease. He decided he would let Blaine sleep for a few more minutes while he prepared coffee and tried to solve his dehydration problem.
Blaine woke up a half hour later to find Sebastian sitting next to him on the bed, scrolling through Facebook on his phone and sipping from a cup of coffee. He smiled up at Sebastian as he noticed the second cup of coffee sitting on his bedside table. "Good morning," Blaine said with a grin.
Sebastian didn't notice Blaine was awake until his morning greeting, so it shocked him to hear Blaine's voice. "Hey, Killer. How'd you sleep?" He asked, handing Blaine the second cup of coffee.
"Better than I've slept in a while, honestly," Blaine replied. It felt weird to admit something like that to Sebastian, but after everything the other boy shared with him the previous night, it was starting to feel natural. "Thanks for the coffee."
"Don't worry about it. I was going to wake you up in a little bit since it's almost ten and I know you need to be back at McKinley by 11. Are you feeling okay?"
Blaine took a sip of the coffee Sebastian prepared for him. "Wow, this coffee is really good." He released a happy sigh as he enjoyed Sebastian's home brew. "Yeah, I'm okay. How are you?"
"My head hurts a bit but I'm okay," Sebastian answered. "We should probably get going. I wouldn't want you to miss your show."
Blaine reluctantly agreed and got out of bed a few minutes later to make sure he didn't look too horrible when he showed up at school. He figured he wouldn't have much time to go home before the performance, so his best bet was getting ready at school where all of his costume makeup and hair supplies were. He knew his friends would notice how odd he looked with his untamed hair and lounge clothes, but it was his only option, and he definitely didn't regret spending that time with Sebastian because the conversation they had was worth it.
As Sebastian pulled up outside of McKinley to drop Blaine off, Blaine turned to him for a final thought. "We're okay, right?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?" Sebastian's eyebrow raised. Blaine started to panic when he realized they didn't talk about the night before yet. The possibility that Sebastian may have blacked out from all of the Courvoisier shots never occurred to him until that moment. After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Sebastian started laughing. "You should see your face right now; it's priceless."
Blaine rolled his eyes. "Oh thank god. That would've been really awkward."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come see the show again?" Sebastian asked as he looked toward the doors to the school. "I know it's just one scene but as far as I'm concerned, it's the best scene in the whole show."
Blaine shook his head as he reached for the car door. "No, you shouldn't. You have studying to do. Plus, I'll see you for coffee on Monday anyway, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Sebastian agreed, smiling as Blaine got out of the car and ran into school. He drove off leaving Blaine to focus on the performance.
When Blaine walked through the dressing room doors, Tina's eyes widened as she approached him. "Oh my god, Blaine, what happened to you? Your hair...and what is that outfit? Wait," she paused as she scanned Blaine's body. "Is that a Dalton lacrosse sweatshirt? You don't play lacrosse, Blaine."
Blaine looked down at the sweatshirt in a panic, realizing he forgot he was still wearing Sebastian's clothes. Suddenly, Sam was next to him as well, staring at the sweatshirt. "Dude, I didn't know you played lacrosse at Dalton. That's so cool."
Tina crossed her arms and stared at the two of them in disbelief. "Is that Sebastian's sweatshirt?"
Blaine hesitated before responding, trying to think of a way he could play it off that would avoid Tina's lecture. "Um...would you believe me if I said it wasn't?"
Sam looked as if he was contemplating it as he looked at the ceiling, but Tina jumped immediately to conclusions. "You and Kurt just broke up like a month ago and everyone knows you're still in love with him. You can't just hook up with someone else and expect that it's all going to be okay."
At the last comment, Blaine instantly felt sick to his stomach. For once, he hoped it was from the alcohol, but deep down he knew it was because Tina was referencing his hookup with Eli. Sam must have noticed Blaine's discomfort because he turned to Tina and glared at her. "Tina, what the hell? That was totally unnecessary."
"Oh my god, Blainey days, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just…" She paused, clearly upset with herself.
"Mike posted a picture with a girl on his Instagram," Sam whispered to Blaine, trying to prevent Tina from overhearing.
Tina sighed and sunk into a chair in the corner of the room. "Sorry."
"Don't be. I get it, Tina. It's hard to see your ex move on." Blaine placed a comforting hand on Tina's shoulder. "And if it helps at all, I definitely didn't hookup with Sebastian. I just wasn't feeling like going to the party after running into Kurt, so I ended up hanging out at his house and it got really late, so I spent the night."
Tina nodded along as she listened to Blaine. "I still don't trust him, but if this is what you want to do, I'm not going to stand in the way."
Blaine let out a sigh of relief. "Good because this is honestly the happiest I've been in a long time."
"You mean since you and Kurt broke up?" Tina asked. Blaine knew she meant well, but at the same time, it felt as if he wasn't allowed to be happy unless he had Kurt in his life.
Blaine nodded slowly, deciding to go with it. "Yeah. Plus, this sweatshirt is really comfortable." It was true; there was something about Sebastian's sweatshirt that was so warm and cozy. Just like he noticed when he first put it on, it still smelled like him and it was almost like he had Sebastian with him all the time. As he went on stage for the second performance of Grease, he felt significantly more prepared and optimistic than he did for opening night.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Reviews & favorites always appreciated :)
