A/N: So here's the same chapter from Blaine's perspective. I thought it'd be nice to show both sides of the story. I hope y'all enjoy! Reviews always appreciated :)
Blaine woke up the morning after Christmas with a smile already plastered on his face. He had been looking forward to spending the day with Sebastian for a long time. His feelings for Sebastian escalated by the day. With all of the confusion of his relationship with Kurt and the potential future relationship with Sebastian, the only thing he was really sure of was that he wanted Sebastian in his life.
When he picked up his phone for the first time that morning, he noticed a message from Sebastian from an hour earlier and realized he slept in way later than he intended to.
Hey Killer. What time should I come over? ;) -Sebastian
Before opening the text, he was sure his smile couldn't get any bigger. But reading those words and that wink at the end proved him wrong. Just as he was about to text back, that smile faded. Kurt's name and image were lighting up his phone. At first, Blaine didn't answer. He ignored the call and went back to writing a text back to Sebastian. But before he could hit send, he received a text from Kurt.
Please answer. It's important. -Kurt
Blaine wanted to keep ignoring it, but he wasn't the type to abandon his friends in times of crisis. Sebastian's words that night at his house ran through his mind as he contemplated answering Kurt's call. You're an incredible friend. You never hesitate to stick up for every one of them. That included Kurt. No matter what, he knew Kurt was his friend and would be a part of his life; they shared the same friend group and had similar career aspirations. Despite their relationship status, Blaine knew he'd inevitably continue to cross paths with his ex. He hoped Sebastian would understand that was the reason why he needed to answer the call. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"My dad has cancer." Kurt's voice sounded numb, like he didn't even know what he was saying.
He was taken aback by Kurt's announcement at first. Burt was one of the sweetest people Blaine had ever met. In comparison to Blaine's dad, Burt was a saint. Even through all of his problems with Kurt, Blaine had always found a support system in Burt. After all of the turmoil of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, Burt continued to be a father figure in his life and offer him advice when no one else seemed to understand. "What?" Blaine asked, unsure of how else he could react. The shock of Kurt's reveal put Blaine at a loss for words.
"It's prostate cancer. The prognosis is pretty positive, but I'm still really scared. I didn't know who else to call. Rachel is on vacation with her dads and Mercedes already went back to L.A. Finn is here, but he's obviously struggling with the news himself. Can you… can you please come over?" Kurt sounded weak, like he'd been crying for hours.
After hearing the desperation in Kurt's voice, Blaine knew he needed to do something to help. No matter what was going on with their relationship, he knew he needed to be a good friend. After all, he knew better than anyone what it was like to use one person as an entire support system. "Yeah, of course I'll come over. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"
"Okay."
Blaine quickly threw on the first clothes he could find, being careful not to wear Sebastian's sweatshirt that he'd been hiding in for days. He called Sebastian on his way to Kurt's house to let him know they needed to cancel their plans and even though Sebastian's reaction wasn't as understanding as he'd hoped, he knew he could make it up to him. The worst part was not being able to explain exactly what was going on. He knew leaving out the exact details of Kurt's emergency would seem suspicious, but he wanted to respect Kurt's privacy.
As he walked up to Kurt's door, all of his memories of their time spent there together came flooding back. Most of them hurt now, but it was a comforting and familiar feeling. At least he knew what to expect from Kurt.
It was Finn who answered the door. He looked like he'd been crying for hours but stopped a while ago, which Blaine could tell from his dry, tear-stained cheeks. Knowing Finn, it meant he was trying his best to put everybody else's pain first and support Kurt and Carole rather than dwell on his own suffering. "Hi, is Kurt here?" He felt ridiculous for even asking. Of course Kurt was there. But he wasn't sure what else to say.
"Um, yeah. He's in the living room," Finn informed him. He turned a bit to let Blaine through the door and then waited behind to shut the door behind him. Finn quickly disappeared back downstairs where Blaine could hear Puck and Sam talking.
Kurt's eyes immediately turned to Blaine when he walked into the living room. "I'm sorry I called. I know things are weird between us right now."
Seeing Kurt with tear filled eyes and sobbing into the blanket wrapped around his shoulders was enough for Blaine to collapse next to his ex-boyfriend and embrace him into a hug. He didn't know what was going on in their relationship, but he didn't care.
Blaine could have sworn he sat there in silence with Kurt for hours, just holding him and kissing his head while he cried. It broke Blaine's heart all over again. He knew Kurt for a long time, but he had never seen him so sad. He'd only seen Kurt cry a few times, but those were pretty much limited to when Blaine cheated on him and Kurt's meltdown after his rejection from NYADA. But neither of those instances compared to this.
The hours of nothing to do but listen to Kurt's quiet sobs gave Blaine much needed time to think. Through all of the chaos of Christmas and Kurt randomly showing up and asking to get back together, Blaine never sat down to really consider what his options were. Up until this point, there was never an option. It was just Kurt. And that was okay for the longest time because Kurt was all he needed. But somewhere along the way, he lost part of himself in their relationship. He didn't know if it was when he transferred to McKinley to be with him, or if it started when Sebastian came into the picture. It could have even been one of the smaller moments, like when Kurt started talking to Chandler or when Blaine got the lead in West Side Story but Kurt didn't. All Blaine knew was that by the time Kurt left for New York, Blaine wasn't himself anymore; he was just Kurt's boyfriend.
Now, finally, Blaine felt like himself again. He was starting to earn back the trust of his old friends from Dalton and he finally felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. Even Sam noticed a change in Blaine's emotions. He knew that newfound happiness wasn't because Kurt broke up with him. No, that was one of the things that broke him in the first place. But he also knew that how he felt after finally getting over the breakup was happier than he had been in a long time, probably since he transferred to McKinley.
Considering all of that, Blaine's thoughts still revolved around his brother's ideas. Cooper told him that Kurt only came back because he was jealous that Blaine was starting to move on. After everything that happened between them, Blaine knew the worst way to start their relationship over again was from a place of jealousy. Jealousy almost destroyed their relationship more times than Blaine could count. He definitely didn't want to start another relationship that would only blow up after a few months. That blow up was inevitable so long as Blaine kept Sebastian, or any of the Warblers for that matter, in his life. And Blaine knew that there would be other guys in Kurt's life as well that would always bother him.
On top of everything else, he and Sebastian had untouchable chemistry; they had since the beginning. It felt almost electric when they were together. Even though Blaine knew better than to factor it into his decision, that blow job was more amazing than any sexual encounter he ever shared with Kurt. He reminded himself that this was because Kurt was a virgin when they first had sex. Meanwhile, Sebastian hooked up with a new guy practically every night. Still, Blaine wanted to feel that electricity again.
By the time Kurt finally pulled away from him, Blaine still had no idea what to do about their relationship. He knew they couldn't get back together yet, or at least he thought he knew that. But at the same time, they had been through so much. He couldn't give up on him yet.
When Kurt's head lifted from Blaine's chest, Blaine checked the time and noticed he'd been sitting there for four hours holding Kurt in his arms. It felt natural, but still distant. Something was broken between them, and it was something Blaine didn't think could ever be fixed again, that jealous personality trait lurking inside both of them. Blaine made sure to note that when he checked his phone, he didn't have any messages from Sebastian. This worried him given how they'd left things, so he decided to send him a quick text apologizing and trying to reschedule. Unfortunately, before he could even hit send, Kurt interrupted his thoughts.
"Are you texting him?" The word him held so much anticipated anger that Blaine hoped to avoid. Kurt didn't even need to include Sebastian's name for Blaine to know that's who he was talking about.
Blaine wasn't sure if he should answer honestly or not. He didn't want Kurt to have yet another thing to be upset about after everything going on with his dad, but he knew Kurt already had his suspicions about them, so it was probably pointless to lie about it. "No… I'm not going to." He decided he would set his phone on the coffee table and ignore the temptation to text Sebastian. It was just Sebastian; he would be fine. He wasn't the type of person to need constant check-ins and updates. Besides, he might have been dismissive over the phone, but he definitely didn't seem angry.
Kurt's mouth opened like he was about to say something else about that, but then it closed again. He didn't say another word for a while, but when he did, Blaine wished he had stayed quiet. "Have you thought about what we talked about on Christmas Eve? Did you make your list?"
As much as Blaine wanted to push this off for even longer, he knew he couldn't do that to Kurt anymore. This was probably confusing for him after everything. And if Blaine was being honest, he had made a list on his phone of all of the things he needed to work out with Kurt if they ever got back together. "Yeah," he replied after a moment. "Did you?"
Kurt just nodded in response. "Let's take turns. You can read one of your things and then I'll read one of mine."
This seemed like a bad way to help Kurt process his father's cancer. Blaine wanted to change the subject back to that so that Kurt was at least a little bit prepared to deal with the coming months of his father being sick. He knew this would somehow evolve into a fight. It always did which was the reason why Blaine never brought up any of his complaints in the first place.
But instead, he decided he would let Kurt have his way. "Okay." He glanced at his phone and a tear fell from his eye as he read from it. Reading all of this and thinking about their breakup brought back memories of how awful things were between them after Kurt moved to New York, and Kurt had no idea. "I know you're busy in New York with your Vogue internship. And now that you're starting at NYADA it's going to get even more hectic. But I was miserable here without you. We would go days without talking sometimes and it felt like you didn't even notice." Even now, he felt like he needed to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting Kurt and ruining all of this progress. Being completely honest about the events that led to the breakup was even harder than Blaine anticipated. It reopened a wound that Blaine thought had healed.
"I'm sorry. I know that original transition period was hard for us. That's definitely something I can work on. What if we have mandatory Skype dates twice a week?" Kurt asked, smiling at the idea.
Instead of smoothing this over, this just made Blaine feel worse. They tried that already. "Kurt, we had mandatory Skype dates when you first left. You kept cancelling them."
This definitely put a damper on Kurt's optimistic tone. Blaine watched as Kurt's smile flattened and the light started to leave his eyes. "I promise I'll do better."
Blaine wanted to believe him, but he knew better. Kurt always promised things that he couldn't follow through with. Only a minute into the conversation and Blaine was reminded of how sick he was of fighting with Kurt. He just wanted to be friends and leave the past in the past, but Kurt wouldn't let him. He needed to rehash every bit of their relationship. Even thinking about those months of feeling lonely while Kurt was in New York brought immense pain to Blaine's chest. "You should just read your first one," Blaine suggested, hoping he could at least help with whatever Kurt wanted from him.
Kurt looked down at the list on his phone and then resumed eye contact with Blaine. "It should be an easy one. You can't cheat."
"Of course."
"But it's more than that. There can't be anyone else," Kurt continued. Blaine raised an eyebrow at the comment, confused at what else Kurt could mean. "I just want both of us to feel comfortable moving forward and for our relationship to get back to how it was before I left."
Blaine nodded, still not fully understanding. What Kurt didn't realize was that some of Blaine's problems with Kurt were things from the previous year that he never had the courage to confront. It couldn't just go back to before Kurt left because Blaine knew he wasn't happy then, either. "Me, too," he mumbled, resting a hand on Kurt's when he sensed hesitation in Kurt's voice. It was only half of a lie, but Blaine couldn't fight back that constant urge to make Kurt happy, even if he had to sacrifice his own happiness to do so.
"Our relationship was at its best when there was no one else. You and I had each other, and we had the New Directions, but that was it. The double dates with Finn and Rachel, confiding only in people we knew we could trust… you talked to Mike, Puck, and Sam and I talked to Mercedes, Rachel, and Finn. It was perfect. But I needed it to be that way. I like to be able to trust your friends," Kurt explained. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Blaine and that told Blaine everything he needed to know about what Kurt was trying to say.
"Is this about the Warblers?"
"One specific Warbler," Kurt replied. "But yeah, I don't know what to expect from them. And you don't either."
Blaine's blank expression shaped into a frown as he listened to Kurt's words. "They're my friends, Kurt. The Warblers were there for me long before Sam or Tina or even you."
"Where were they last year when one of their own almost blinded you?" Kurt asked accusingly.
Bringing up Sebastian was never going to end well. It had always been a point of contention between Kurt and Blaine that they never fully worked out, even while they were still dating. After all, that argument didn't end until Blaine completely cut Sebastian out of his life. "Kurt, I'm not going to cut out all of my friends again. It was really hard for me last year when I couldn't talk to them."
"We agreed on you ending contact with all of them for a reason. It was driving a wedge between you and me," Kurt justified.
It was clear on Kurt's face that he didn't have any intention of caving on this particular argument. But this time, Blaine wouldn't cave either. Those guys were his closest friends long before he even met Kurt. And Sebastian was part of that, even if he didn't come along until later on. "Only because you let it. I never had romantic feelings for any of those guys last year; there was no reason for you to be concerned."
Kurt immediately jumped on the opportunity to find a flaw in Blaine's statement. "Last year? So that's changed?"
Blaine's cheeks turned red as he tried to think of a way to deny it. "No. Besides, this isn't about that; it's about you and me."
"That's bullshit, Blaine. It's always been about them," Kurt argued, crossing his arms as he finally pulled his hand away from Blaine's.
Blaine shook his head, annoyed at Kurt's sudden mood change. "I don't get it. You knew I reconnected with them. There were pictures all over social media and someone from McKinley had to have told you that I knew about all of the steroid stuff before it came out. So why are you so shocked that I want them in my life?"
Shock was the perfect description of Kurt's expression as he listened to Blaine's thoughts about the Warblers. His wide eyes and furrowed brow indicated that Blaine was definitely not following Kurt's script. "I just thought that if we got back together, it would change things."
"Do you even want to get back together?" It was a simple enough question; Blaine thought Kurt would know the answer instantly. Yet, Kurt maintained a state of silence as he watched Blaine speak. "You don't even trust me. Why would you want to get back together?" Blaine added the rephrasing of the question when he started to think Kurt might not respond.
Kurt frowned at him, unable to explain his exact thoughts. "I think I could trust you again one day. I love you, but I don't want to keep seeing you with all of these people who tried to tear us apart."
"So you were just going to get back together with me so that I would stop hanging out with all of them again? Or did you even intend to get back together at all while I was still talking to them?" Blaine's tone started to shift as he became upset at Kurt's expectations. He kept reminding himself why he was at Kurt's house in the first place. His dad has cancer. He needs you. But that wasn't enough to make all of the pain of the breakup and all of the other recent developments disappear, especially which Cooper's words echoing in his mind.
Kurt was offended by Blaine's accusations and that pain was displayed across Kurt's face for the entire world to see. "I guess I… if I'm being completely honest…"
The words were struggling to leave Kurt's lips, so Blaine took it upon himself to add some extra encouragement. "It needs to be said, Kurt. Just say it."
"I didn't really want to get back together unless I knew it would be on the condition of you eliminating him from your life," Kurt explained. He didn't say Sebastian's name, but it was there. "I felt like me coming back here and giving you another chance would show you that…" He paused, hesitating to admit what he really wanted to say.
"Show me what?" Blaine asked, annoyed that Kurt hadn't figured out he should just be upfront instead of all of these pauses and mumblings that didn't make any sense.
"I wanted to show you that you don't need him, that you have me." Again, Sebastian's name was there even in the silence. Kurt's cheeks were red, and his eyes were filling with tears. He knew that wasn't the right thing to say right at he said it.
Blaine resisted the temptation to roll his eyes as Kurt's true intentions were revealed. He never wanted to get back together; he just didn't like seeing Blaine move on with someone else. "Why did you even call me on Thanksgiving? Was it just to give me false hope? To lead me to thinking that you were actually willing to listen to what I want? Or to convince me you were ready to forgive me when you clearly aren't?" Blaine asked, finally ready to start confronting the real issue. Kurt didn't want to get back together; he was just jealous. This is exactly what Cooper said was happening. Kurt wanted Blaine all to himself, even if he wasn't ready to give Blaine what he needed.
"No, I… you stopped texting every day and that's when the breakup started to feel real. I heard about you hanging out with him and I started to panic that I would lose you forever." The tears started falling down Kurt's cheeks and it took everything in Blaine to stay calm. He resisted the urge to pull Kurt into a hug and tell him it would be okay and that none of this mattered. At the end of the day, he knew he shouldn't do that. This was for his own good.
"So you only reached out to me because you didn't want me moving on? Even though you don't even want to get back together?" Blaine clarified, hoping Kurt would finally admit the truth.
Kurt tried to shake his head, but he always had a hard time with lying. "Blaine, I love you and I wanted to get back together because I love you. But… I probably would not have forgiven you this soon if it weren't for seeing all of your pictures with him and hearing the rumors from the glee club."
After all of this time, Kurt still wouldn't say Sebastian's name in a fight. He would always refer to him in an ominous way, just obvious enough that Blaine knew exactly what he was talking about while still avoiding Blaine's inevitable defensive reaction. Blaine was so sick of Kurt using Sebastian against him, especially since at the beginning and up until very recently, there was nothing between them at all. But Blaine had enough of denying it and insisting there was nothing between them, only for Kurt to bring it up the next time they got into a fight. He would never believe it even if it was the truth.
"Kurt, don't you see that this is just you trying to control me? You heard about me spending time with him and you couldn't handle it so you came back expecting you could get him out of my life again." He was sick of playing games and letting Kurt dictate who he could and could not be around. The worst part was that Kurt really thought he could come back and convince Blaine to do anything to win Kurt back. Maybe a few months earlier that would have worked, but not anymore.
Kurt immediately took offense at the statement and he started to move away from Blaine on the couch. Blaine didn't even notice that his voice was raising, but clearly others in the house had. Finn was standing in the doorway about to intervene which just reminded Blaine of Burt's cancer and how horrible this day had already been for Kurt. He knew he shouldn't be doing this that day of all days, but he figured if he didn't now, he never would. "I can't just go on like how things have been. You cheated on me, Blaine. How am I supposed to trust you if you're still spending all of your time in Lima with people who are trying to get you all to themselves?" Kurt was fighting back and clearly not understanding the point Blaine was trying to make.
"You're never going to trust me. I'm never going to be able to have friends that aren't your friends. It's not like any of the Warblers other than Sebastian ever hit on me, but you don't want me hanging out with any of them," Blaine explained. Finally, Sebastian's name was said, and it felt as if everything was finally out in the open. Blaine never admitted how he truly felt when Kurt isolated him from the boys at Dalton, and now he did. Kurt didn't want him to have his own friends and it was just another extension of Kurt's control over him.
"I can't get back together with you if I can't trust you to put our relationship first," Kurt said as he threw his hands in the air and stood up.
"Well I can't get back together with you if you can't forgive me. And it seems like you're never going to forgive me." Blaine glanced at Finn in the corner who was trying to figure out whether or not he should interrupt the conversation. This escalated much more than Blaine ever intended for it to.
Kurt shook his head and started to make his way toward the stairs so he could escape the conversation. "I guess that means we're done then." He exited the room so that Blaine couldn't see him anymore and soon, he was left standing in the living room alone with Finn in silence.
Blaine didn't notice the tears streaming from his eyes until silence filled the room and he had the time to think about what he was doing. "Wait…Kurt…" His confidence disappeared as he realized how final this all seemed. Maybe he wasn't sure. Maybe he needed more time to think. He started to follow Kurt up the stairs until he stopped himself in his tracks. Not anymore, he told himself. He was done fighting for something he didn't even want.
It was freeing, really. As Blaine turned around, walked back down the stairs, passed Finn, and opened the front door, he didn't look back once. It was done for real this time. No more feeling guilty about spending time with the Warblers, with Sebastian. No more thinking about Kurt all day every day wishing he would come home.
He spent a good hour driving around, thinking about everything. He knew he shouldn't jump on this opportunity to be with Sebastian. Now that things were over for real, he needed to take some time to himself to think and really establish who he was without a boyfriend. At the same time, all he wanted was to call Sebastian. But he resisted.
When Blaine finally went home, it was late. His parents were in bed and the entire house was silent. The silence was draining for someone so full of adrenaline that he couldn't possibly think about falling asleep. He got a text from Sam asking what went down with Kurt and inviting him to hang out, but he wasn't about to go back to that house after leaving so confidently only a few hours earlier. All he really wanted was to talk to Sebastian, but he never got a reply to the message he'd sent apologizing for cancelling their plans and asking to reschedule, so he figured Sebastian was too busy and this revelation could wait for the next day.
It was almost one in the morning when Blaine was still lying in bed wide awake watching the old episodes of Full House that ran every night. He didn't feel anywhere closer to falling asleep but was sure no one would be awake to talk, so he decided to keep his focus on the TV.
To Blaine's surprise, his focus was interrupted by a phone call. Sebastian's name and a picture of him popped up on his phone. As Blaine answered, he worried about what he might hear on the other end. It was so late that it could only mean two things: either Sebastian was very upset, or he was very, very drunk. "Hello?" Blaine asked.
He could hear Sebastian let out a sigh on the other end, but there was a lot of noise. It sounded like he was somewhere with music playing in the distance and the occasional police siren. "Can you… I'm really drunk… I need a ride." He certainly sounded drunk. It took Blaine a few moments to even understand that Sebastian was asking him for a ride because of how muddled all of the words sounded.
Blaine's heart sank as he spoke. He didn't know exactly what he was hoping for, but he knew everything would be better if Sebastian was sober. "Where are you?"
For a while, Sebastian was silent, and Blaine started to worry that he might have passed out or something. But he snapped back to consciousness and answered the question. "I'll send you my location."
A few seconds later, Sebastian hung up and texted Blaine a map with his location on it. Blaine didn't bother changing; he had already been wearing Sebastian's lacrosse sweatshirt since he got home from Kurt's house. It didn't take long before Blaine was in his car and on his way to pick up Sebastian, nervous about what he would find when he arrived.
