Chapter 7
Present Day
This was nice.
Really fucking nice.
Now granted what wasn't was how thankful he was that Hailey wasn't here, yet, but given the way things had been between them and her complete unwillingness to even have a conversation with him Jay was going to let himself be okay with that. Because seeing Tess with the rest of his team? Seeing her with Kevin and Adam and Kim and all those big ass smiles they kept giving her?
That was fucking great.
That made all the other crap worth it.
"To Tess."
"To Tess!"
He threw back his shot but even as he savoured the warm burn of the alcohol as it slid down his throat one eye stayed trained on the woman beside him, watching as she shot hers; Tess was grinning just as broadly as the others, and gave zero reaction to the tequila she had requested, there was a reason Vivienne had dubbed her the Tequila Queen, but he knew her well enough to know she was uncomfortable with all the attention. Praise was something she was used to, hell she'd been getting it since the first time she'd built a computer by herself, when she was seven, but it had always unsettled her, something about the spotlight that she both feared and secretly desired. But Jay had the inkling it was about more than that this time- it was about who was praising her. And considering the last five years had been spent keeping her identity a secret from the very people celebrating her now that was understandable. But she was handling it, with the same grace she handled everything with.
But that didn't mean he wouldn't lend a hand when he could.
"I gotta say, I don't think we've ever wrapped a case up this quickly- if you're looking for a new job, I think we've got a spot."
"You're just saying that because you don't want to take the tech course at the academy for a third time." Jay said with a smirk as Adams' mouth dropped open, his friend shooting a quick glare at Kevin who did absolutely nothing to hide his laughter before turning it on him.
"I'm saying it because it wouldn't matter how many times I took that course, I'd never be able to do what she did."
"That's true." Tess chimed in with an impish smile, which only made Kevin and Kim laugh harder, the latter nudging her on again off again, currently seeming to be on again boyfriend until he grumbled and waved them all off.
Honestly, they probably wouldn't make fun of him so much if he didn't make it so easy.
Probably.
"My point is, if we need her, she will be there. But for now we are enjoying being retired."
"We?" Kim asked with a raised brow, sharing a look with Tess who merely smiled while he gave a little shrug.
"She helps me relax."
"Well that's good, cause you're pretty uptight."
Kevin let out another crow of laughter as Adam grinned and even though Jay rolled his eyes he knew it was a fair comeback- he could be pretty rigid, though it wasn't exactly like they'd had a lot of time to all let loose lately. They could definitely use it. The conversation moved on, easier than it ever had, or maybe that was just him, but his attention kept drifting to the woman on his left, something she used to say to echoing through his mind, a lesson she'd worked hard to get through his thick skull. With mixed results. We get through life because of our bonds with others, not despite them. Tess had always made things better for him, made him better, but lately he'd been wondering how much easier his life would be if she wasn't the only one he'd allowed himself to bond with. What things would be like if he'd opened up to his team about her years ago, about all the dozens of things he could have.
That he should have.
That thought niggled at the back of his brain as they kept talking, actually seeming to get louder the more they drank but then he caught sight of Vanessa walking into Molly's and all his focus went straight to her.
He had issues with her.
She was good police, still a little new and untrained in his opinion but he knew the transition from undercover back into regular society was a hard one, especially transitioning into a new unit on top of that. But there wasn't any excuse for the way she'd been treating Tess. She had been careful to toe the line between innocuous and outright rude but it was still clear to everyone that that was what she was doing, and it was even more clear who she was doing it for. And even though Hailey had actually been more polite than her new partner/roommate Jay was getting tired of both of their attitudes. He might, he did deserve their distrust but Tess didn't. She deserved so much better.
"Looks like I'm late to the party."
"Yeah, where were you guys? Where's Hailey?"
"She's not coming." Vanessa replied as she stepped into the space Kevin had made for her and he couldn't stop from tensing at her answer, partly because it was hard not to take her absence as another underhanded insult and partly because if it wasn't that meant that something was wrong.
And he may not be her partner anymore, hell they may not even be friends anymore but he still cared about her.
He still wanted to make sure she was safe.
"Everything all good?"
"Yeah, she just had to take care of something."
Some of his tension eased as she nodded in response to Adam's question, maybe it was nothing, just a routine check in with a C.I but then she turned to Tess and it ratcheted up again, though a gentle squeeze on his knee had his breath coming a little easier.
When had Tess put her hand there?
"She said to thank you again though. Have you heard anything else about the kids? And those… families?"
This time it wasn't just his anger that rose to the surface but everyone's but just as she had done earlier, just as she'd been doing consistently Tess brought them all back down.
"I have. All the kids have been taken into CPS custody and arrangements are being made to return them to their families as soon as possible. As easily predicted everyone responsible lawyered up but the evidence is solid- now whether they get jail time is another thing but they sure as hell won't be getting off easy. Apparently several news outlets have already gotten wind of the story."
"Really?" He asked dryly, just barely holding back his smirk when she turned to him, her face the perfect picture of innocence- too perfect.
"Crazy right? But that's the media for you. They've got eyes and ears everywhere."
She shook her head as she took another sip of her drink but he caught the spark of mischief in her eyes, the slight upwards curl of her lips, and as Adam huffed and shook his head with his own flabbergasted grin Jay realized she'd meant for him to. Meant for all of them to see it, to realize that she was the one with the eyes and ears and that she would use them on their behalf. That she would use them for good. And though he could tell that Vanessa wanted to be wary of that, in fact it looked like she tried to be the relief not to mention pleasure that those responsible were going to get what was coming to them must've been too great to ignore; she even dipped her chin to Tess before Kevin led her to the bar to get a drink, both of them thankfully choosing to stay there, and as he turned back he realized the next squeeze on his knee was mirroring the squeeze of his fingers-
When had he put his hand on her leg?
He hadn't felt himself do it, but that wasn't exactly surprising. They were always looking out for each other, providing comfort and support wherever they could, however they could.
We get through life because of our bonds with others, not despite them.
Those words kept running through his mind the more he looked around the table, at Adam and Kim who seemed to have no qualms with Tess riding the legal line, the former looking delighted by it, the latter looking at Tess with a softness he wouldn't have understood if she hadn't told him about their conversation earlier. That same softness was in Adam's eyes too, mixed with a curiosity that told Jay that he knew. Knew what they'd been through. Knew what he hadn't said.
Why hadn't he said anything?
Open up, even if it's scary- that's when it matters most.
That was why.
Because he'd been scared.
Scared to be vulnerable, to share those pieces of himself he liked to keep hidden. But Tess didn't do that. She was sharing piece after piece, no matter how big, no matter how scary- and if she could do it then so could he.
"I should have said something."
"About what?" Adam asked with a confused glance at the girls, and Jay realized belatedly that he'd cut him off.
Oh well.
There was no going back now so he took a deep breath and just let the words come out; it didn't matter how he said them, only that he did.
"About the baby. Yours. And ours. I should have said something."
"Nah, man you don't-"
"Shhhhh."
Tess cut Adam off loudly, actually holding her finger to her lips as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "He is being vulnerable- publicly! This happens like once a decade, if you stop him who knows when it will happen again."
Kim snorted, and then quickly tried to shush herself, and though she and Tess shared a warm look the one he and Adam gave each other was full of discomfort. This was territory neither of them were used to, but then wasn't that the point? They weren't comfortable having this kind of conversation because they'd never done it before, but they'd never get comfortable if they didn't ever make themselves. And he could tell Adam realized that too because even though both their shoulders shrank his friend nodded, leaning back in his seat as his hand slipped beneath the table, no doubt taking Kim's hand the way he took Tess's.
She was right- this was hard. And kind of terrifying. But that look that was already growing in his friends eyes? That genuine appreciation and respect? That was worth any amount of awkwardness. That was something they deserved.
And he'd be damned if he was the reason they didn't get it.
"I should have said something. I knew what you were going through and even if it wasn't exactly the same… I know how much that hurts. And maybe I couldn't have changed that but I could've lightened the load. I should have. And I'm- I'm really sorry that I didn't."
There.
That wasn't so hard. That… that was it, right?
How much was he supposed to say?
Jay looked at Tess like she would give him the answer and with a bright smile and a squeeze of his fingers she did, telling him louder than if she'd used words that she was proud of him. But apparently Kim decided that speech was necessary because she started nudging Adam, who after a moment of hesitation met his stare once more, his cheeks a little pinker but that look a lot stronger.
"Thanks man. I- we, appreciate it. Truly. Both of you." Adam turned to Tess next, who Jay was amused but unsurprised to find was meeting his stare with a very kind but very direct look of her own, making the other mans flush darken ever so slightly before he too seemed to lean into the discomfort. "Maybe… the four of us grab dinner sometime?"
"Actually I believe we were offered an invitation a while ago."
Tess laughed at Kim's comment and he swore the sound was like hope, like a promise that everything was going to be okay.
"You know, you were. How does tomorrow sound?"
"Tomorrow?"
Now Kim was the one looking surprised but Tess just nodded, squeezing his hand once more as she looked between them. "Yeah. Tomorrow."
