Bonus Scene

Thirteen Years Ago

She could do this.

It really wasn't that big a deal. She doubted anyone would even see her. Though of course the longer she delayed the more likely it would be that someone did.

Okay.

She could do this.

It took some careful maneuvering to slip out of Jay's grasp without waking him, his grip on her wasn't tight but it was firm, he'd even twined his legs with hers, apparently no longer bothered by her cold feet but then considering he was practically a furnace she wasn't ever cold when she slept with him. Tess felt her cheeks start burning at the thought, even though they hadn't actually done anything. Well, not much, just a couple heavy make-out sessions. Very heavy, and very enjoyable. She took another minute to watch him, struck by how peaceful he looked when he slept, but it didn't take long for the scratch in her throat to start tickling again and unless she wanted him to wake up and feel like he had to escort her downstairs she was just going to have to go get a cup of water herself.

With a couple more backwards glances she tiptoed over to the door and after a scan of the hall to make sure both his fathers and brothers doors were shut, Will had gone back to New York but his aunt Carol had stayed over last night after 'accidentally' drinking too much sherry, she took one last deep breath and made her way down the stairs. It really was a little ridiculous that Tess was so worried about being seen, especially because they all knew she was staying here now, but a couple awkward family dinners and an even more awkward attempt at a family game night were a lot different than one-on-one interactions, especially with Jay's father.

No one seemed to understand exactly why he was letting her stay here, aside from the obvious reason that his son was hurting and their one emotionally available family member was now gone, but she couldn't deny she was grateful. She just also didn't want to spend a lot of time in his company. He hadn't been mean per se but he wasn't warm either, actually he was-

Fuck.

He was down here.

Fuck, fuck.

It wasn't even six in the morning yet, what the hell was he doing up-

Crying.

Any frustration or embarrassment disappeared as the man's shoulders heaved with a silent sob, his head and arms shaking as he pressed his clasped hands to his mouth. Trying to keep himself quiet. Keep his son and his sister from hearing him. It wasn't the same pain but she swore her own heart ached just as sharply as she watched him, even as a different uncomfortable feeling started creeping over her.

She should not be here.

This was a private moment, one she had no business intruding on but for some reason she couldn't make herself leave; she was frozen on the stairs, her gaze darting between him and the second-floor landing, so many times she almost made herself dizzy. She knew she should go, now before he spotted her, just tiptoe back the way she'd come and leave his father to-

To what? To his grief?

Yes.

He clearly didn't want anyone to witness this, never-mind some random girl who was shacking up with his son but the longer she watched him the more she saw him not just as Jay's dad but a dad.

Maybe hers.

He'd died with her mother, in that split instant their car had swerved around a deer, through a guardrail and off the side of the Malahat, somehow, miraculously they'd said, leaving only her alive in the backseat. For months all Tess had wanted was to have died with them but even when she'd begun to accept that she'd lived, that she had to keep living, the idea of them separate had been so foreign that wishing she'd had at least one of them still with her had felt selfish. But what if that had been the case?

If her mother had died and her father had lived she could just as easily imagine it was him in front of her, mourning the loss of the love of his life. She would have never left him alone to deal with that and while Pat may not be her dad it wasn't like Jay was going to come down and sit with him. And as much as she'd probably want to Tess had the feeling Carol would only make her brother shut down more.

Which left her.

It still took a minute to gather her courage and actually step off the stairs but she managed it, keeping her footsteps light as she headed towards him; she was a trained spy so it wasn't like she didn't know how to sneak up on somebody but what she hadn't accounted for was the probably sixty-year-old floorboards. With one creak Pat Halstead stiffened and whipped his head towards her but she'd already turned hers away, not at all casually but obviously confusing him enough that he didn't bolt. Or bite. He just stared while she took a seat on the couch, not exactly on the opposite end but also not close enough that they were anywhere near touching and after thirty seconds that somehow felt like thirty years he turned back and they just sat there.

She honestly hadn't expected to get this far, she'd been pretty sure he was going to get up and walk away the moment he saw her but for whatever reason he hadn't and now Tess didn't know what to do. Normally she was the kind to fill the silence, with humor if it was awkward or with reassurance if it was sad but though the quiet between them was definitely both those things it was also something else. Steady. There wasn't anything she could say that would speak louder than this action and yet she couldn't help the urge to do more. So even though her hand trembled she reached for his, once again feeling the burn of his stare as he watched her from the corner of his eye and once again being filled with confusion when he didn't stop her.

They weren't ever going to talk about this.

She knew that just as instinctually as she knew he was grateful for it, that the gentle flex of his fingers was as much a thank you as she would ever get.

But it was enough.