The Sculpture of Angel
By Haruka Lin
Translated by Grand Illusion
What's necessary is not regret over days gone by,
but affection to weave illusions.
- Tenshi no Chouzou (The Sculpture of Angel), by Sound Horizon
We were all standing in front of a statue of a young girl. We had already heard that her name was Asuka.
The strangers around us all had the similar sad expression in their eyes, almost like they would hug the person next to them and started to cry the very next moment. I didn't understand what makes them feel so emotionally involved. This girl, her wings withered to the point that a cloud of feathers was clustered tightly around the soles of her feet. Tight suit set off her delicate figure, which undoubtedly looked too thin under the gaze of most people. Her right arm was somehow wrapped in bandages, and those bandages were not wrapped tight, with the very tip of it hanging down to the ground from her arm. Her body leaned forward slightly, as if she was about to fall. Only her right eye seemed intact, the other covered by a gauze pad. She looked like she just returned from the battlefield, her eyes sharp and terrifying, like gazing at an enemy. She stood still, as if fate had ordered her to do so. Her "skin" was as pale as marble.
We call such eternally static characters, different from our own constructs, sculptures.
This was EVA unit-02's pilot back then, Asuka Soryu Langley. Unfortunately, she still hasn't come out of the sea of LCL. It's been fifty years since the Third Impact, and the people she knows were either old or have died of old age, and I don't think she wanted to come out. Those who have returned in recent years were often not very mentally stable. If they have no relatives, then they have to live with a welfare institution who could take them in, they may be treated less than farm animals.
If I were to judge, this sculpture is indeed a lifelike piece of work, but to call it "a master piece" seemed a bit over-rated.
"Tom?" That's when a man called my name.
"Yukimura!"
My friend Shi Yukimura, who is also an extremely talented sculptor. This exhibition was held in honor of his extremely talented mentor, and a great artist, Shinji Ikari.
"I'm glad you're here." Yukimura said.
"You invited me so heartily, I can't refuse." Actually, I also wanted to take the opportunity to learn more about this Mr. Ikari. He is one of the rarest breeds of artists in today's fractured world who has sunk his heart into sincere creation. Sadly, however, he passed away at this time last year, and it was a very strange suicide.
"Since this is a rare opportunity, what can you tell me about this statue?" I pointing to the girl's face.
"This is Asuka, Ikari -san's lover."
"Yes, I know that, but I don't know why he created such statue for her."
"Well, because I not sure whether to exhibit this work or not." Yukimura stroked his shaved beard and said, "After all, he left so suddenly that he didn't even leave a suicide note."
"I want to know why her face is so serious and cruel?"
"That's because ..." Yukimura was just about to speak when he noticed everyone around him was looking at us. So, he coughed awkwardly and pulled me out of the crowd. "Let's talk somewhere else."
We arrived at a lounge. He sat down on a chair and sniffled sadly. I knew he was feeling sad about his teacher's sudden departure again, so I patted him on the shoulder.
"He was such a kind gentleman." He said, "He followed his girl and never came back, just like that."
"What do you mean? Did he die for Asuka?"
"Precisely, and as far as I can see, he lived just for her. All his honed skills, all his hard work of blood and sweat, all so that he could carve her gesture accurately. He was so eager to see her again that he even went so far as to jumped into the "Red Sea" and left us, the people who looked upon his art, behind forever."
"I would like to know exactly what kind of connection the pilot of EVA unit-2 has with your master."
"It's hard for me to describe, but I can tell you how it happened."
"Here's the thing. You know that my teacher was also an EVA pilot, affiliated with NERV in Japan, but he himself forgot most things that happened before the Third Impact. That's right, the artwork you see here, created from his hands are the remnants of before Third Impact memories that were vaguely remained in his mind, like a ship that disintegrated in the middle of the ocean then washed ashore with only scattered parts, the vast majority of which could not be recovered."
"We call the art style created by Mr. Ikari 'disaster abstractionism', and some people are not so fond of it, thinking that it is not art at all. Because each of us 'survivors' thinks we ourselves saw the most wonderful thing in the sea of LCL, even though these memories were caught in the vortex of a high-speed stream of consciousness. So, if you just attempt to materialize this 'abstract vortex', it may be too mixed up to resemble what you want to embody."
"But not Mr. Ikari, who can be said to be the originator of 'disaster abstractionism', and also its greatest betrayer. See those two 'Red Sea' paintings? He painted two of them, one featuring composition of cut fragments arranged in parallel. He drew those fragments based on what he saw during his 'instrumentality'. The other one was painted layers over layers by stacking them vertically over each other. You have to work very hard to distinguish them in order to see the meaning of each layer and then layers as whole. But once you do, you will be shocked and convinced by its actual meaning."
"Loneliness is an ever-present theme in all of his work. Although he had a great career. As a hero who saved mankind from extinction, he had many, many advocates, but he doesn't pay any attention to that. You know, his father was the chief culprit of 'Human Instrumentality Project', and his mother died in one of project's early experiments. Although our beloved new UN President Misato Katsuragi cared for him during his lifetime, granted his wish to be sent to a remote town to pursue his artistic career, AND to ensure that he would not be drawn into political disputes. However, President Katsuragi's gesture cannot reach his heart, since in Mr. Ikari's view, those gestures can only be considered an outward gift. Most importantly, he can't remember what kind of person he was, or what he did before his 'instrumentality', leading him to a lifetime of searching for his past. The only clues he had, are the pieces of the puzzle the entity called 'Lilith' left in his mind during his 'instrumentality', so his method is to materialize them in an artistic way. Incidentally, Mr. Ikari is also a competent cellist, and he often plays Bach at his leisure. It's one of the few things he can remember."
"Ikari-san has very few photos of himself, and the only one left is a photo with his classmates and friends. There are indeed quite a few combat photo-archives of the Evangelions in action, but as you can see, he never bothered to create works about EVAs. He abhorred those things, which is why he would stay away from all the fame that came with the title of 'pilot of EVA unit-1'. He would get sick with dry heaves the next day, from dreams of the EVA unit-1 he was piloting standing in a pool of blood. He would lash out at the EVA fans and admirers. 'I have no memory, but I know those things are the main reason that ruined my life.' Those were his exact words. However, when it comes to the pilot of EVA unit-2, he gladly receives all information about her, including their experiences piloting EVAs together, and he will even tell me stories about it when I ask."
"He said, 'When they told me that Asuka was my roommate back in the day, and we fought alongside each other. I thought, ah, that's right! Though I don't remember that, I could feel what they were saying was something that really happened, because Asuka did live in my life once. She called me a 'baka' ... yes, and that's what she called me in my dreams.'"
"Mr. Ikari had been waiting for her, and he often took the tram to the LCL seaside and wandered outside the 'no-entry area'. There were people who come ashore there every day, often confused when they were taken to identify their relatives. People laughed at him for being forty-eight years old, yet only wanted to marry a young girl. When he was about fifty, he got chronic hepatitis, and after he recovered from the disease, he decided that he would carve a sculpture of Asuka. In case she came back after he passed away. He wanted the sculpture to at least convey his inner thoughts for her. When he was fully engaged in its creation process, everything in the world turned into hollow, and only he and this creation were real. When he was tired, he slept in the studio. When he woke up, he continues from where he left off. From start to finish, it took him only six months to finish this sculpture."
"Yet, on the day the sculpture was completed, he went insane."
I recalled the news report claiming that Shinji Ikari was the only one who jumped into the sea of LCL and succeeded in committing suicide. This statue was his last work. As we all know, LCL can't drown a person, but they never recovered his body. So, they can only speculate that he "melted" in the LCL by his strong longingness for his lover. Ironically, on the very day the news report came out, several of his more fanatic fans followed suit and jumped into the sea of LCL in a vain attempt join him. None of them died, and they were later rescued. In my opinion, they were all bunch of cowards, afraid to stand up in reality. However, when I came back from the sea of LCL, my wife was already waiting for me, and how many people can be as lucky as me?
"Then why did he fall into madness only after he finished carving this statue, or Asuka?"
"Because the moment he finished it, he suddenly remembered who Asuka really was." Yukimura said sadly, "And that crushed him. I was right next to him at that very moment. I saw him put down all his carving tools, gazing with great satisfaction at what he thought was his best work, and finally, he embraced the statue, and in a tender voice I had never heard before, he said,
'Happy birthday, Asuka .'"
"The moment he called out her name, his face turned pale, his breath turned into gasps, his lips seemed to have developed purpura, and he took a few steps back and covered his face. I tried to help him, but he slammed my hand away, after standing still and trembling for a few seconds, he flung himself at her feet and cried loudly, 'I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!!'"
"My teacher rarely said sorry because he hardly ever did anything sorry. However, on that very day he had been apologizing non-stop to a cold statue he just finished. His voice so mournful, desperate and sad, that God's heart would have broken to hear it. He teared on her legs and feet. I really hoped then that she would come to life, as described in some legends, after sprinkled with the tears of her beloved, but of course no reaction came. Alas, Lilith and Adam, if you were there, please, have pity on my teacher."
"Please tell me, what kind of thing happened between him and the pilot of EVA unit-2?"
Yukimura closed his eyes, as if he didn't want to share this painful memory with me, even it was his teacher's.
I was already fascinated to hear it, so I took his hand and forced him to look me straight in the eyes.
"Okay, I'll tell you."
"He killed her with his own hands."
I fell back on my chair.
"What? Are you serious?"
"I can't believe it either, but it is what Ikari-san told me. He told me himself, and there can be no mistake. He strangled Asuka on the beach. In a panic, he dragged her body back inside the sea of LCL. Her body then disappeared without a trace."
"Wait, why would he do that?"
"He hated her ... No, maybe that's too unfair."
Yukimura scanned around, and when he saw that no one was paying attention to us, he pulled an old, rolled-up notebook out of his pocket; I never knew Yukimura had a habit of keeping a diary. I didn't expect him to push it to me and say, "These are Mr. Ikari's own records, and he told me to wait until he was dead before making them public. Read it yourself."
I flipped open the journal and felt my heart drumming heavily.
I woke up that day and it was raining heavily. I was soaked to the skin and I saw Asuka appear beside me. She hadn't been by my side for a few months. I had been alone for all this time. I thought she would have reached out her hand and touched me, even just a touch. However, none of us moved. I opened my mouth as the rain droplets danced on my incisors. I pinned all my hopes on this moment.
"Asuka." I whispered.
I waited until the tenth raindrop fell into my expectant eyes, and she still didn't respond to me.
Suddenly I couldn't stand her presence. I jumped up and crouched above her like a lion, strangling her, and I saw her eyes looking straight up at me. She didn't struggle, she wasn't afraid, she just looked at me like that, like she was watching the most horrible drama. The indifference in her eyes made me strangle her even harder.
Her mask-like expression finally showed a crack, and the painful expression spilled out from her face radiated like hot steam onto my face. Even my tears bruised her. I felt my soul pass through my arms and meet her fiery soul. I was burned by her, knocked back, and I growled shrilly like a young pup crying out for milk. At that moment the rain poured down and thunder struck the sea behind me. I ignored them. I just wanted to know if she would move, if she would plead with me like a woman.
She didn't. She didn't! I don't know why she didn't. I thought she should have saved me. It had come to this. How could she not save me?
By the time I realized it, she had already...
I ran away and rain chased after me, taking their hateful revenge on my head, rainwater dripping between my mouth and lips. It occurred to me that sooner or later someone would find the body dumped on the beach. So, I turned back. She lay quietly amidst thunder and lightning, in a pool of blood and water, in field surrounded by phantoms of mass-production EVAs, in a hospital bed, in a bathtub. My knees went weak at the sight of her, but I used all my remaining strength to drag her back into the sea of LCL. I pleaded at Lilith: Save her! Please! Lilith just smiled wickedly like that, as if she had expected this to happen.
The rain poured down and a big wave hit my head. I passed out.
When I woke up, I was found by a group of people who set up in a tent on the beach. They were the first "returnees".
That's all that happened. In short, I killed her. Out of an unnamable rage and a cowardly escapism, I killed her. Although I didn't want to do it, she never resisted and kept staring at me like that, this instead making me think she had been alive all along.
Some conversations with you made me realized one thing. I must go to her.
Precisely because of my unforgivable sin, I must take responsibility for my actions. Like you said, no one has found her body, and her soul was probably taken back into the sea of LCL by Lilith moments after her death, just like what happened to Misato-san after she pushed me into the elevator. I'm going to find her, and after that she can torture me all she wants.
As for the statue, although she, like Asuka, refuses to answer all my questions. But when I kissed her this morning, her lips were cold.
She is not MY Asuka. So, I leave her to the world as eternal evidence of my sins.
There was a picture stuck in the back of the notebook, and when I looked at it, it was a picture of Mr. Ikari as a teenager on an old aircraft carrier. In front of him was a young girl in a yellow sundress. Because this photo was taken from a distance, the image of the two teenagers is blury. But I could still make out that they were holding hands. "This photo was taken by their friend and classmate - Aida Kensuke, he took this picture of the two of them through a window."
I silently returned the notebook to Yukimura. He said, "Today is actually Asuka Soryu Langley's birthday. I purposely chose this day as the opening day for Mr. Ikari's exhibition. Ikari-san also announced the completion of Asuka's statue on her birthday, so it's just about the first anniversary. Let's wish her a happy birthday, if she's still alive."
I said, "... I still don't understand. If they were in love with each other, why would he strangle her? Is he really a murderer?"
"He is. However, you did notice that in his story, Asuka didn't resist. If his story is true, then she let him kill herself."
"Even so ..."
"I can't say any more than that. You can savor it again yourself."
I looked back at the statue and into the eyes of the pilot of EVA unit-2. This time her expression took on a subtle change in my eyes. I saw a hint of pity hidden behind the anger and hatred.
Mr. Ikari had hidden this emotion so well that I would not have been able to notice it if I had not read his story.
I wanted to retract my previous thought that this work could not be called "a master piece".
I asked, "Since Mr. Ikari doesn't remember, how did he create it?"
"He said that he often dreamed of her. When he felt pain and loneliness in his life, he would feel her hand caressing him and telling him to hold on. She's like his guardian angel."
I nodded, lost in thought. Yukimura also stopped talking. After that, we went to see the rest of Mr. Ikari 's works. But the statue of the girl and the story behind it kept haunting me till this day.
In fact, I also had a dream that night.
I dreamed of Ikari and Soryu-Langley on the beach. He was strangling her to end her life, she softly caressed his face, Ikari's eyes widened with surprise, and he stopped.
Then everything went backwards to the moment they first met.
In the years that followed, every time I finished writing, I couldn't help but look out the window and wonder, "Has Mr. Ikari found her?
I would think maybe the two of them are the one who truly gone out of the sea of LCL, and perhaps I never did.
--
Postscript:
While I was brainstorming this story, thinking about "what would happen if Shinji really killed Asuka on the beach?" I happened to be listening to Sound Horizon's "The Sculpture of Angel", so I was inspired combined these elements to write such a short story. Enjoy!
