In Konoha, in between the lapsus of Sakura coming back from the dead —quite not so literally this time, just look for the right answers— and Team Kakashi looking for Sasuke, a team of highly trained ANBU left. Five members. Experts. A mission so important it's still in the darkness what happened there.
Five left. Two came back. Between the hands of one of the two rested a scroll. The arrival was called the Walk of victory. For civilians, it looked like defeat; for ANBU, it's either win, it's either defeat. And they fucking won.
It is no coincidence they wear masks. In ANBU, you're no one. Disposable meat in a desperate look for greatness. Victory. They died, and maybe there was the bitter taste that they somehow helped to achieve victory. But the task was finished. Completed. They did it. No matter who in the way was lost and no matter what it took. In ANBU, it's either win, it's either defeat. And they fucking won.
It's Sakura's first raw taste of ANBU. She is intrigued by their philosophy.
Years later, Sakura is top tier genjutsu among the colossal forces of ANBU. Find the punch line.
Conscience kicks in. No hesitancy. One, two, three. And she's up. The discomfort settles in. Sakura analyses: two broken ribs, punctured lungs, a busted lip, twisted ankle. There is a slowly-growing bruise at the tip of her mandible; a fist from someone not mean enough. Sakura calculates. It will take, at most, four days.
Good. She needs to get out of here. Now.
Then the swallowing comes. Discomfort. Maybe pain. No, don't be a crybaby. It's uncomfortable. She attempts to swallow a second time. Same. A third time —third are the good things— she analyses. Same. Her pale hands do routinary work. Her pale, bony hands reach her neck in the look of any protuberance, any major disturbance in her skin or the places related to it, any slight change might mean rather unpleasant trouble. When she does not find anything at odds, she does it once again. No bumps or cuts to be noticed. She does it a third time. No weird disturbance that perturbs the quietness of the skin over her trachea, thyroid cartilage, or anything else. It might be a simple throat infection. She ends up very much displeased at not finding anything irregular, but she tries swallowing. Discomfort. It irks her.
Sakura turns her head at the door. Then, three figures come in.
"Haruno Sakura," curtly states. It's a known voice. "Would have never expected to know your name, at least not before I was old enough to terrorize the kids of the neighbourhood. Old enough for our files to be closed."
Sakura imagines herself. Old enough to have had descendants —would have never, anyways— and a legendary figure religiously venerated inside ANBU. Something to be remembered. Revered. Then Sakura snarls. Don't think of useless things. Sakura goes back on duty.
Three figures stand in the way, but Sakura allows herself to briefly surprise herself. She is not used to seeing them entering like this. She imagines them, hanging upside down from outside the window. ANBU on duty is what she expects.
"Crow," bluntly answers back. No good ANBU knows anything else past code name from their colleagues, or if they have gotten so low, they never address each other by names nor attempt to interact apart from duty. ANBU is work. And ANBU members never get off duty.
Not good ones.
Someone else would have expected them to wear their masks off. Sakura knows better.
"Bat, Owl." Apathetic tone. "What enormous displeasure is the one that brings you to cut your activities short?"
"Expected you to look worse." Sakura can hear it. You could have taken more. You should have gone down with worse. It's Bat.
Silence.
"We heard what happened to Noriko, and you." It's Owl. Out of the three, her tone is the least displeased. Don't get confused. All good ANBU are angry when they have to stop their duties. No good ANBU is soft.
Sakura is met once again with notorious irk when she has to swallow down the words and she feels the annoyance. Her words are cut short. Good ANBU notice it. Owl lends her a mirror. Small, compact to be carried around. Polished. Neat. Rectangular shape and a wood base. Sakura takes it. She lifts her jaw just enough. She gives herself the necessary time —no more no less— to examine the situation. Reality is cold, harsh against the porcelain-like skin of Sakura. But so are the bruises entangled in her neck. There, she stares, about to meet the three seconds rule, dull-eyed, hollow-checked, inquisitive at her neck. She remembers. She remembers, displeased. Noriko. Minor inconveniences. Minor. Minor. Minor inconveniences. Noriko. She gives back the mirror.
"Such a shame we lost two very valuable members in the rush of one night.," Crow ungently claims. She is sharp. Black haired and long nails. She hasn't heard of bloodline from her. She would not be surprised if she had.
Bat approves, "Now we know, Haruno Sakura, that we have lost, in one single night, both Deaths," with indifference.
"Blue and Red Death came down in a rather unfashionable way." Owl keeps her silence.
"I am not retiring," Sakura snarls sharply.
"But the fate of your partner is unknown," Bat adds without missing a beat. He turns to her, daring her to backtalk.
"ANBU is a concept further from companionship and partnership." Good ANBU is a concept further from companionship and partnership. "This is not the end of my career."
"But it could be." Sakura is sure Crow has spat her in the face.
Sakura sees red. Red. Red. Red. Red, red, red, red, redredredred. Then she snarls. Govern yourself Sakura. Yes, govern yourself. Keep things down. Be a good ANBU. Govern your emotions. Don't let them govern you. Kill your emotions. Once the dog is dead, rabies is done. Be a good ANBU.
"You could go down in history," Crowly swiftly sings, suggesting. "You are Red Death, what else could you ask for?" Her tone goes lower and lower, a conjunction of words slowly muffled together. Less, and less, and less. Sakura, even then, can sense the pit of jealousy. Sakura allows herself to feel something. Pride.
But pride runs deeper than haemoglobin inside our arteries and veins. Something even deeper than dopamine. She feels pride. Red Death type kind of pride. She almost goes drunk on it. Red Death, something bigger and greater to go down in history. Not that poor excuse of scumbag Tsunade's gifted protégé. Red Death will go down in history.
It is just that, you see, Sakura won't retire. All this disaster with Noriko will just be a rough patch on her record. Something that if, diligent enough, will Sakura convince Kakashi to remove. She may not speak to him, not anymore, but he owes her that. Kakashi owes Sakura. Owes so much.
"And then what? Retire somehow as an icon only for every story of mine to be finished with a 'retired after an ambush'? I am not interested in it."
"You are already some sort of hero."
"Some sort of hero that you would die to bring down for your sake," bluntly calls out.
Don't get confused. They are friends. As good friends someone in ANBU can get. Good ANBU don't make friends. But they are amiable with one another. Healthy competence is always good.
Repeat after me, Sakura: good ANBU follow rules. This is work. You are on duty. A kunoichi lifestyle is one of constant working. Always working. Good kunoichi follow rules, Sakura. Be a good kunoichi.
"You have already achieved greatness," Owl follows.
"But there is so much more one can achieve yet. Don't let your proficient ANBU career fall short," Bat disagrees with his teammate.
Sakura has none of it. Deems this conversation going nowhere. Nowhere it suits her.
"I am going to find Noriko," she firmly states.
"You better be," Crowl nattily answers, fast. "You were a medic-nin, weren't you? Talk with Mouse, she is a defector from Kiri; will tell you enough about burying Konoha's secrets deep."
Mouse had come from Kiri, a long time ago, of course. No one knew much from her. Average height, long black hair tied in a low ponytail, gentle yet deep voice —too much of Haku—, once belonged to the special medical field of Kirigakure's ANBU. Myths ran deep. Someone from ANBU once said that Mouse had said that the best way of making a corpse unrecognisable was to burn their face. Of course, Sakura knew it was a lie. With how fast technology is leaving them behind, Sakura guesses the best option is to remove every single one of their teeth. Sakura would have… liked to find out how it feels to pluck molar and molar, canine and canine. The smoothness of the gums would have been… perfect. Still, those were rumours. Mouse has, in fact, never truly shared anything past medical information. She is the assigned medic to ANBU.
"I am not looking out to find my partner dead."
"Oh, Cat," she calls her by her codename. "I do not intend to disrespect your partner, Canary nor you, but you are rather…" she chews the words, "hard to kill. Your partner, on the other hand, is much softer. If you came down with this," spits, the voice and eyes behind the polished mask so poisonous, "I don't expect much from her."
"I am not looking out to find my partner dead."
"Great," synthetic amiability. "But in case you happen to do so, put your previous knowledge at dignity. Make Kiri be jealous, rather than scared, of Red Death."
"I am not a medic-nin anymore."
"Then you have gone obsolete to ANBU," Crow spits, only to continue, smoothly, "that's it, if you are not to adapt to your mission's necessities."
Sakura knows where this is going. You are not enough, one of two mantras from ANBU.
"Go to hell," Sakura bites.
Govern yourself, Sakura. Don't let your emotions govern you. Be a good ANBU. You are on duty.
"Talking about hell," Owl says. "The Hokage sent word through Chicken. Wants to speak with us."
"Must be to assign us a mission," Crow answers, ignoring Sakura.
Sakura senses the end is near.
"So I am going to explain myself real quick," in a harsh tone. "You are going out to find your partner, be either dead or alive, and if she is alive then I want no sound out of her but quick realignment to our ranks, and if she is dead I want her fucking head in my mail by when I come back."
"What if your mission lasts weeks?" smartly back talks.
"Then there is the fridge." Simple. She leans down over Sakura. "Am I understood?"
You are on duty.
"Yes, sir."
"Great, because you have already broken the rules." Sakura knows, once again, where this is going. "You defied our rules not only by knowing her name, but repeatedly hanging out with her. I would suggest you clean this mess." Victory-marked flesh under the mask. "Am I understood?"
"Yes, sir."
There's a sour taste at the corner of the mouth. A saccharine grin. It hangs from Crow's mouth.
"You better had fun in there, Haruno." It's a sly remark.
"I certainly did not."
Crow makes an expression hard to decipher under the mask, "Which kind of good shinobi goes out without fun? It's blood, Haruno, that's literally what we fight for. We will always win at this."
"It was not funny for me."
"Sakura," cruelly. "We are warriors, gladiators even, if you like. We come for the blood."
Then Sakura feels disappointed. She did not get what she was expecting. If she came for blood, then certainly it was not enough. Retribution.
The trio turn their heads. The window, which by this point Sakura has noticed is tightly closed, remains untouched. The sun is incandescent. Hot on the window. Had Sakura been smarter, she would be officially on duty by now. Good ANBU are always on duty. The sun is starting to light up. Maybe they would have attempted to jump from the windows, to say goodbye upside down. Now, they abstain themselves, so they old-fashionedly walk out through the door.
Not too soon after they leave, Sakura receives a visit. An expected one.
Taberu Koko is taller than most girls her age, slowly approaching her older sisters' height. The youngest of the clan's head. Barely fourteen, months shy away from finding out which bloodline she would claim. The Taberu clan is spoiled enough to pick two possible bloodlines. Sakura's partner, Noriko, is, or was, the older sister out of three. Koko resembles Noriko the most.
"Miss Haruno." Sakura is not surprised the kid has arrived past midnight. Both Taberu Ririka and Sonosuke are people of pride. It swallowed them. A common disease among clans. "I—"
"You should not be here, it's past midnight. Visit hours will reopen at 8 a.m. and will follow until 6 p.m., I long for your visit."
Koko is shy. Koko is really shy. Sort of Hinata shy. She also has glossy black hair that looks blue sometimes and a dojutsu. Not as valuable —not unless she gets the kakohito— nor as recognised, but still. Koko is shy, and she lets others take initiative.
"But miss Haruno, I want to—"
"I told you: visit hours will reopen at 8 a.m. and will follow until 6 p.m.," synthetic amiability, "I long for your visit."
"But miss Haruno—"
"Good night."
A jolt of confidence.
"Haruno Sakura, I am asking you to bring my sister, either dead or alive." Sakura is surprised. She would have never expected the kid to say those words. People may experience a serious level of discomfort at the mention of the word.
"And I will," Sakura reassures her.
Koko stares petrified. Sakura doesn't blame her. As far as she knows, Koko is not even considering staying as a kunoichi, the training she has been through is more of a tradition of her clan rather than a personal choice.
Sakura could say that the thought of another world, a road not taken lingers heavy on her, but it would be a lie. Sakura is happy. Very much happy. She is proud how far she has gone and she is proud how little she feels but little is not enough. It's just that Sakura has to clean things. Leave them polished. Just, a little bit. But Sakura is angry. Incompetence will not be tolerated. You better finish your fucking jOB, SAKURA! Govern yourself.
"Sakura!" Koko angrily scolds her. "How can you be so calm about the life of my sister? About the life of your very own friend?!"
"I can do little in this situation."
"Then I'll find someone to do it!"
"The respectable Taberu clan will hire a lowlife? That won't suit your parent's desires." Sakura raises her brow. At this point, having someone as low as Sasuke doing it would be the same.
"But there are so many people that will still do a good job at finding my sister. Hozuki Suigetsu, for example, can—"
"Suigetsu is a mercenary."
Despair across her features. "What is the difference between being a mercenary and an ANBU?!"
"He does it underground, I am rewarded for it. Don't disrespect your sister's work."
"I'll go after her then."
Sakura's face twitches. She can not allow the kid to go and find her sister. It's too dangerous.
"I'll bring your sister back."
The kid cries with joy. Literally.
"Oh, thank you, Miss Haruno! Please bring her back alive!"
There were two roads. One where things went okay and other where shit hit the fan. And Sakura is sorry she couldn't travel both ways. She really is.
The simple thought of Noriko alive in the forest makes her nauseous.
Next morning, Sakura could be happy. She is not. Good kunoichis feel nothing. But, at the pit of her stomach, she feels something that we could call reliability. Naruto hasn't shown up. That is still, nowhere near victory. Naruto must be on a mission. Otherwise, he would have showed up as early as Sakura was in hospital. Naruto is overbearing. Intrusive. Sakura doesn't talk to him that much. In fact, the brief talks they have are the ones Naruto forces out of her.
Sakura loathes it. It always ends up drowned in ANBU, in how he dislikes her choice, in how she should talk once again to Kakashi, to Tsunade, in how Sasuke always asks for her. It always ends up drowned in Sasuke. Sasuke this, Sasuke that, Sasuke up and Sasuke down; Sakura: tired. She doesn't want to hear from him anymore. They never exactly got along. Sakura is already busy enough covering her past's mistakes, no need for more drama.
She might need new friends. Then she rubs the thought away. She does not need new friends. She does not need friends. Look where having friends got her. And good ANBU don't have friends. ANBU's path is one of austerity, of work and tasks done. Life in ANBU is not one to play.
Naruto doesn't get it. Too short tempered, too short sighted. Naruto doesn't get her choice. He despises it. He claims Sasuke does too. She doesn't care. Did in the past, not anymore. Sakura has a really short temper, too. She despises it. She despises when she despises things. She should not feel anything. Just do as they tell you, keep your mouth and profile low. Be efficient.
"Oi, Sakura-chan!"
She loathes when Naruto stands in the way. It happens most of the time. She sighs, exasperated. She doesn't want to start a fight with him.
"Sakura-chan, you're finally awake!" Some tears mixed with a tint of epinephrine. "I told you! ANBU is not a good place!"
He doesn't get it. Never has. He says she's too stubborn, she says he's too stubborn. She always says she doesn't want to start a fight with him. He claims that it's because she knows he's right. And then he brings Sasuke. She can't help when she is always right. He brings Sasuke into it. She wants to start a fight with him.
Long gone are the days when she was interested in talking about Sasuke. If he's here and if he's there she is not interested. She hasn't been in years. Sakura would prefer first to speak to Kakashi, and then, she would prefer first to cut her left arm. Pay herself in the name of Sasuke. But she won't. Already paid too much for him. Sasuke can fucking fuck himself.
Naruto goes on with his rant: how he's always worried, always stressed because he doesn't know what to do when she's putting herself in danger so willingly. Says he doesn't get it. All the same mess over, and over, and over again. Pulls the family card. It doesn't apply to her. Her real family perished years ago. Nothing rather out of extraordinary; chain-smoking and a heart attack. Sakura doesn't have a family. Naruto is not, Tsunade is not, much less Kakashi and much less Sasuke. Fuck Sasuke.
"Sakura, I just don't get it!" frantically snarls. "You had so many choices, so much ahead of you, and yet you still decided to do ANBU! You could have been assigned head doctor of the hospital, but you just call it quits your teenage year's advancement and went with this whole ANBU thing! I don't get it!"
Sakura just looks at him.
"And answer me, please." She remains silent. "I just don't get how you made that choice. I am not happy with it."
"I made my decision six years ago, Naruto."
Naruto's eyes turn blank and he viciously scratches his nasal bridge, visibly unhappy. He always does that whenever he knows he has lost the fight with Sakura—just like he did with Sasuke—and will later reattempt to start the discussion.
Instead, this time he turns away. Seems like he will just leave and leave things like that. Sakura doesn't know if she is happy. The comfort she feels in routine is a guilty pleasure of hers.
"But you could at least do it differently!' Ah, there it is. Told you so.
Things used to be much easier when Hinata was here. Things were easier when Hinata was here. She could at least, if not dodge the bullet, put her first. Now he is frantic. Hysteria runs deep in his blood. Sakura wonders, as an inexperienced member of the psychiatric field, if the kyuubi has, somehow, interfered in his brain enough for him to develop an… utterly dramatic personality. Maybe, a lack of lithium, or his neurotransmitters are lazy assholes. Sakura, govern yourself. His neurotransmitters are not exactly transmitting signals to his brain cells. Maybe it's the serotonin. Maybe being the vessel for the kyuubi takes several things from you. Maybe a nerve too tight, a lack of a chemical, a severely misplaced something, a sense of boundaries brutally slaughtered along the way. Sakura shivers. How interesting.
"Just, please, tell me!" He is crying.
Oh no, thinks Sakura distressed, he's yelling so much he is going to create a mess.
"Naruto," he quickly, abruptly lifts up his head, looking for his best friend/hook up to gently answer him, "can you please quiet down? Your screams are going to be disastrous."
Naruto bursts into tears.
Sakura disdains the simple thought of her being weak. It makes her uncomfortable. She hates tears, blood, every little thing that lives insides us that deem us as ridiculous humans and not wire-driven machines. But, as much as Sakura dislikes it, she fools Naruto and his overbearing worries.
Sasuke was even less intense, the not-so-subtle thought lingers at the back of her head. She shivers. Sasuke and his manias.
"Life in ANBU is not what I think you should be doing… that… that lifestyle is not the one I'd like for you. I don't think it's the right choice. You should be with me, speak to baa-chan, to Kakashi." Sakura senses where this is going. "You should hang out with us. Sasuke really wants to speak to you." Sakura stiffens.
It always comes down to this, "I don't really think this is the choice you should have made."
"Naruto, I made my choice six years ago. Live with it," she repeats.
"But you never tell us anything!" Naruto yells back, defensive. "How do you expect me to not worry about you if you never tell me if you are tired or sick or sad?" he pathetically whines, his broad back slouching.
"Because I am not sad," Sakura bites.
"Then you're sick?" Naruto smartly bites back, his voice a hoarse thunder inside her.
"No," tired, "I am not sick."
"The hell you are not, yeah," he answers back, throwing his body back like defeated. Defeat, defeat, defeat.
"Or even if I am…" she tries to rectify, to sound a little bit more human. "Even if I ever am, it's okay because sometimes I just wanna be with myself and I don't want to deal with it with someone else."
"But not all the time!" Naruto sighs, his fingers touching his nose in sole sadness. "Sakura," he softens up again, and Sakura breathes happily again, victorious, "just tell me, please. I am your friend, and I will never, ever turn you down. I am the shoulder you can cry on."
She fakes small, amiable laughter and a tear. "I know, and I'll tell you next time."
Naruto sighs, "You should sleep some more. We don't want you to rest less than necessary, right?" he chuckles.
Sakura bites back her anger and fakes another prudish smile. "Yeah, I better sleep some more." She feels enraged, mad, drunk in fury.
She lays back, fakely trying to sleep. He gets slowly closer, smiling with unease, but when he sees the raw marks on her neck he crouches and looks away. "Just," next thing, he uses the long strands of once-again lengthy pink hair to cover it up, making a nearly perfect job.
He leans down to kiss her forehead. "Just," he trembles, "just tell me, and I'll be there."
"But I want to know what happened to Noriko," Sakura pathetically fakes to beg.
Naruto chuckles, "We can talk about it later."
Oh, he thinks, his amiable, good, kind, beautiful, good-natured Sakura, always looking out for others.
Of course, he'll never tell her about what happened last night, poor Sakura. Sakura is blind by outrage, and closes her eyes, truly falling asleep.
Sakura senses herself becoming young and stupid and fucking weak. Govern yourself. She has no notebooks, so her head will have to do. She remembers. She tries to. Work, Sakura, work; how can you not remember it? Don't be useless. She remembers. Six times. Six times. She said it six times. She is… She wants… She… GOVERN YOURSELF. Seven times. Behave Sakura, you're not a little kid anymore. It's so shameful you have to control your emotions. What a shame you are Sakura. Two days in the hospital and she is already losing control. She wants to… GOVERN YOURSELF! Yes Sakura, don't be pathetic. She needs to find Noriko. Now.
Life could be much simpler. Could. The road not taken. In another world, Sakura was never the one Naruto cheated with once; in another world, Hinata lives; in another world, she speaks to Kakashi apart from when ANBU's genjutsu prodigy needs to report something to the Hokage —a rather complex mission, a rather bloody one, something that may scream that Red Death and Konoha were involved—; in another world, she speaks to Tsunade; in another world, she doesn't push Sasuke and Sasuke doesn't ignore after all the dramatic things he made her go trough. The road not taken. In another world, Sakura would still be pathetic and weak. And I'm sorry I couldn't travel both ways.
Author's note. To the guest that took time to review my story: THANK YOU, you don't even imagine how excited and happy I am.
In regards of you guessing it might be Naruto the one dead, well, you have seen it's not him, but it's a crucial point to the story (that one of who is dead). As of Sakura being trapped in her head or me using these first chapters to deliver the story in a much more interesting way, it's true, yet it lacks a crucial part. You see, I won't exactly tell you why it has been repeated over and over again, because that's a part of the story and what is exactly going on with Sakura (as in Sakura being trapped and my way of delivering it) but I also did it because, me, as a writter, I am attempting to set Sakura as a narrator. A... narrator. it will be fun for you to find out, believe me. Once again, I really thank you, I'm beyond grateful. This episode is written thanks to you, in fact... So I really do hope you keep reading it!
