Stardate 1888.6, USS Enterprise, in orbit around Upothas II

Captain's log, Stardate 1888.6. The Enterprise is still in orbit around Upothas II, trying to ascertain whether the members of the original landing party are still alive and if so, whether a rescue mission would be possible given first contact protocols. So far, we have not been able to scan the planet. The mineral that has prevented thorough scans of the village is now scattered in the lower atmosphere from the storm. We are evaluating another disguised away mission. The archeology team is reviewing the logs recovered by Lieutenant Spock to provide the team with appropriate disguises. As for the second away team, Dr. Mayweather has made a full recovery and has resumed her duties today. Captain… Captain Pike was released from sickbay to his quarters as well. He is scheduled for a follow-up surgery on his leg tomorrow. He has also agreed to a full psychological evaluation.

Chris leaned sideways against the back of his couch, staring at the empty space. Boyce had agreed to let him recover in the privacy of his quarters as long as he wore a monitoring device and allowed for several check-ins throughout the day. He had spent the better part of the afternoon going through the standard psychological tests. The results had surprised no one but he had resisted any attempts to talk about what was so heavily weighing on his mind, citing Starfleet's regulations. He knew it was only a matter of time until Starfleet assigned a medical officer with the highest clearance to his case. In the meantime, Boyce had prescribed the standard regimen for PTSD.

Pike jumped when his door chimed. 2100 hours. Boyce is never late. "Come in," he answered with a heavy sigh. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Alathea stand in his doorway, carrying medical equipment.

"Boyce thought you would be more comfortable with me doing the routine check-ups," she said as she entered his quarters hesitantly. So much had been left unsaid between them for far too long.

Chris nodded and turned on his couch to face his doctor… and his friend. Alathea sat on the coffee table across from him and placed her medical case next to her. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

Chris shook his head.

"Would you actually tell me if you were in pain?"

Another shake of the head.

"Chris, I'm not the enemy here. We're not. You need help… I think you know that."

"You can't help me, Thea. This is my burden to bear."

Alathea didn't press him further. She cupped his cheek and was surprised when he leaned in her touch. "Can you lie down? I just need to check on your leg," she asked softly.

Chris complied with a hiss and bit his lower lip as Alathea was handling him, checking on his range of movements. Once she was done, she opened her case and filled a hypospray with a strong painkiller. "This should help with the pain you're not feeling," she gave him a knowing smile as she injected him.

Pike grunted. "Aren't you supposed to ask for my consent first?," he quipped.

Alathea rolled her eyes. "I don't think you have much choice but to listen to your doctors for once." She scanned him quickly, confirming the readings of the monitoring device. "Has Phil talked to you about the surgery tomorrow? Any questions?"

"As long as he uses anesthesia," he started jokingly before seeing the flash of hurt on Alathea's face. "Hey…" He sat up and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry. It wasn't funny…"

"No. I thought I was going to lose you, Chris. And I can't lose you… again. I wish… I wish you would just stop being so stubborn and listen to Phil!"

"Thea…" He didn't know what to say. She would be losing him. Maybe not today, nor tomorrow; but in the near future. Ten years from now; it felt so far away and yet too soon.

"I don't want an apology, Chris," she interrupted him before he could go any further. "I want you to promise me that you're going to take this seriously. You're going to listen to Phil and the doctor he recommended on Starbase 4."

Chris was about to argue but thought better of it. "I promise, Thea."

Alathea knew he was lying. Starship's captains were notorious for their reticence to follow medical advice; but Pike was in a league of his own. Knowing his past, she couldn't blame him. "I don't think there is anything I can say to you at this point," she added, dejected. She filled three hyposprays.

Pike eyed the medication and rolled his sleeve up. The blue and green ones were for his PTSD treatment. The red one was to force him to sleep. His eyes never left Alathea as she administered the first two. He flinched when the red hypospray made contact with his skin.

Alathea looked up at Chris. "Nightmares?" His file didn't mention any but she had seen the results firsthand in the cave.

Chris nodded once. There was no point in lying to her. "Yeah."

To Chris' surprise, Alathea placed the hypospray back in the medical case. "How about we try some sleep the old fashioned way? Warm shower, chamomile tea, and a holo?"

"Thea, I don't think…"

"It's this or the hypo, Chris," she interrupted. She hated to present him with an ultimatum but coddling him had never been successful. "I'll stay if you want me to."

Chris swallowed his pride. He wanted her with him. He knew he should push her away for her own good, but he also selfishly wanted to feel her before it was too late. "Thank you."

Alathea gave him a small smile. "I'll get the tea and holo started while you shower."

"Thank you." He squeezed her hand, committing every detail to memory. Soon, he wouldn't be able to feel. All he would have left were his memories.

Ten minutes later, a freshly showered Pike entered his darkened bedroom. Alathea had changed into one of his Enterprise t-shirts. She was laying on the bed going over what he assumed to be a list of movies. A cup of warm tea was waiting on the bedside table. He took the beverage and slipped under the cover. The gesture seemed natural, as if practiced for a lifetime. There was no awkwardness, no thoughts of the fact that Alathea was married and a member of his crew. Alathea leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know… I haven't watched a holo in quite some time." He would rather read.

"How about a western?"

"Sounds good." Alathea selected an old 20th century movie. "Computer, lights off," she ordered as they made themselves more comfortable on the bed.

Pike was exhausted and he felt safer than he had in a long time. Halfway through the beginning credits and with the cup of warm tea still mostly full, he felt into a deep slumber.

STSTST

The sirens were blaring. "Radiation leak."

His entire body was on fire as the world exploded around him…

Pike sat up on the bed abruptly, enabled to breathe.

"Computer, lights." Alathea ordered as she struggled with the sheets. "Chris," she called out softly as she gently placed her hand around his bicep. "You're on Enterprise. Everything is ok."

Chris swallowed, trying to ground himself into the present. "I'm sorry."

Alathea gently combed his hair back. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"It's classified."

"Chris, my clearance level is as high as yours," she pushed back.

"Not for this. It's not." Pike threw his legs over the side of the best and stood up shakily. He started pacing the room, hoping that the physical movements would help him keep his demons at bay.

Alathea watched him, keeping an eye on his vitals. After fifteen minutes, she tried to engage with him again. "Chris, how about laying down again?"

Pike shook his head. "I'm not tired."

"Considering your heart rate and the amount of adrenaline in your system, I'm sure you're not. But that's not the point. You need to calm down. And that leg is not exactly in pacing condition." She finally got out of bed and placed herself in his path. "Please."

Chris stopped and leaned towards her, resting his forehead on his. "Have you ever thought about your death?" He asked her.

Alathea was taken aback by the question. "No. Not really."

"We know that death is the end of the road but we don't think we will reach it until we're right in front of it."

"Professor Smith, first year survival training."

Pike nodded. "He was right, you know. Not being able to imagine our own death, even in the most dire situations is what gives life its fullness. But what if you know exactly when and how you're going to die?"

Alathea didn't like the direction of their conversation but this was the most any of them had gotten out of Pike so she encouraged him. "I guess I would make sure that I get to do what I've always wanted to do, to be with the people who are dear to me." She placed her hand on his cheek. What was he hiding? Why was he so concerned about his own mortality? She had seen this in her patients before, in the ones who were given a terminal prognosis. But Pike felt different: most of her patients still held onto a sliver of hope that they would beat the odds. Most of them were convinced they were going to survive until their last breath. Pike was convinced he knew when and how his life would end. "Chris, what happened to you out there?"

Chris shook his head. He had already said too much. He placed his hand on top of hers and kissed her palm. "If I were to leave Starfleet, would you come with me?"

Alathea's jaw dropped open in shock. For as long as she had known Chris, his dreams had been in the stars. She couldn't fathom why he would leave that dream behind. "Chris…"

Before she could argue any further, Chris kissed her passionately, sliding his hands over her ribcage suggestively. Alathea knew she should stop him but she didn't want to.

STSTST

Alathea woke up to the sound of a whip against a glass bowl. Her mind was still processing the events of the previous night. She thought she would have felt guilty but all she felt was contentment. Everything was right. She slipped on the Enterprise t-shirt she had borrowed from Chris the previous night and joined him in the kitchen.

Alathea wrapped her arms around him and laid her cheek on his back. "Good morning," she whispered.

"Good morning." Chris turned around and cupped her cheeks. He kissed her softly, committing every moment to memory. "Hungry?"

"What's for breakfast?"

"Eggs and pancakes. Although you'll have to eat alone. Phil told me to stay off food for surgery."

Alathea caressed his lips with her thumb. She had often imagined what a lifetime with Chris would look like. And it looked wonderful. "The answer is yes."

"Yes?"

"If you decide to leave Starfleet, I will come with you."