Ch 1 - You Left Me!...It Wasn't Up To Me!
Scene from S2E2 Dios Y El Abogado
The pretty blond woman in the golden party dress kept talking about exchanging numbers and it being impolite to ask a Mexican if beer was their favorite drink, when she caught a quick glimpse of a fast moving figure of a man: his height, his stance, his posture, his hair, his walk. He moved through the reception crowd like a ghost, not stopping anywhere, not catching anyone's eyes, not attracting attention, but actually glancing briefly at her as if trying to attract her attention. Her heart stopped dead in her chest, and she wasn't sure how she found composure to excuse herself and follow the figure up the steps to the second floor pretending to walk normally. It cannot be him! How can it be? He is dead! The voice on the phone had said Guero had died, and she had been through hell ever since fighting to survive and not knowing which way the bullet or the attacker will come. The tight white dress and uncomfortable shoes Camila had chosen for her were even tighter and more uncomfortable as she took the steps up and then saw one door to the far left of the corridor slightly ajar. The trepidation had escalated to a pounding heart in her chest as she tenderly pushed the door open and entered.
And there he was…her Guero…alive and good looking, wearing a simple black shirt, waiting for her in the middle of the room with an expression she couldn't read. The shock and the huge lump in her throat took over and choked her and she lost the control of her senses as she kept touching his face, trying to make sense, then tried to hug him and kiss him while her hands kept roaming on him to make sure it was not a dream. She pulled back to look at him again and despite the realization that he was very much alive and that her present nightmare had been something else, she couldn't make a coherent sentence; she only kept saying 'how' and 'why' as the tears kept coming down and as his arms held her to him. Something awful must have happened, her mind screamed in the background, for him to disappear and leave her to go through the hell of being raped and assaulted, but somehow, he had escaped and had come to her rescue! Something awful was done to them, and she would understand it later as right now, she just needed to get control of her self and to absorb the reality that he was alive!
He had had 'a little bit of trouble' with Epifanio and had had to leave Culiacan! Now this was a different reality, even more impossible to absorb; He had left her to run for her life! Alone! He had said it wasn't up to him! He had left her at the mercy of the cartel from whom he had had been stealing! Was this even possible? The second shock for the day was way harder than the first and while she was struggling to keep her mind working, she realized she was struggling to breathe!
Would her wonderful caring man do such a thing? She had known he was a narco and had walked in their relationship with eyes wide open that the government may be after him one day, but that he would steal from the cartel boss, his padrino, the hand who fed him, and fed him very well, was just so incomprehensible to her, that her brain refused to accept it! And because it was not only incomprehensive but excessively stupid, risky and reckless, he had not told her! Teresa felt the incomprehension turn to denial, then to anger, then to rage which made her blood boil at the recollection of how she had been brutally abused and chased, how many times she had come close to losing her life in Camila's operation, and all that for the extra adrenaline to steal from Epifanio Vargas! Her chest constricted with pain at the realization of the betrayal. Yes, it was betrayal; he hadn't directly betrayed her, but he hadn't stopped for a second to think what risks he had exposed her to! What had he said: "Teresa, please!"
"Please what?" she knew her face was glass and betrayed the rage and the hurt she felt. She was disgusted and the shock of it made impossible to control her features and voice, despite the three months of extensive practice she had gained.
Then the third wave hit her and toppled her completely. The DEA had saved him from Epifanio Vargas! "You are a rat!", now the shock was complete. She needed air and for a second there she hoped she would be nudged by a hand to wake her up for a mission, and when she would open her eyes, she would be in her bed in the warehouse! But no, it was not a dream, it was real!
He kept talking how he had no choice but to cooperate with the DEA who had snatched him before the plane had exploded, the same way it 'wasn't up to' him to protect her from Epifanio's vengeance. Her blood froze with the realization that Camila would have him killed on the spot for being the snitch who gave up the warehouse and she knew Camila would not take a chance to believe Teresa had had no clue. His excuses that he did it after knowing she had left sounded pathetic and disturbing to her ears!
Not only had he gotten her raped, assaulted and uprooted her life, but now he was threatening her again by his mere presence. And why had he come? Obviously not to apologize, just to get back in her life, but that would mean messing it up again with Camila and might mean destroying it altogether. All her efforts had been for nothing. You gave me a life when you picked me up from the street, then you took it away and I barely survived! Now that I have been able to make something for myself, you show up again and I may lose it all again, with my life again, just for the effort to be with you! Por Dios, what is he thinking? That's the problem: he is not thinking, not for me at least!
She heard herself say "You're a liar!" and she felt it deep in her burnt heart! She heard herself say that he should leave and never see her again! The words came out easy and unhindered. She had lost this man once, she most likely could live just fine with the thought that he was alive somewhere, but they were not together. He kept trying to force her to listen, telling her things hadn't changed, telling her he would die for her! Could he not stop with his nonsense? Everything had changed, she didn't want him to die, nor did she want him to carry responsibility for her; she had her path, she had to make him leave. On top of all her phone was buzzing. He was a coward, so she told him Camila would kill them both if she found out, anything to make him leave; she was not making any decisions now! Just go, carajo, go!
She stared through the window in the darkness and no sensible thought came to her but the overwhelming pain that she was a crossroad. He would come back; he would contact her again as he had given her the match box with some scribbles on it. And whatever it is that he would want, it would be good for him, but would it be good for her? What possibly could he want but to run? Was she interested in running? She had come back to Camila's operation just last week making partner! Teresa Mendoza wasn't certain at all that she was interested in running, and from the depth of her mind a thought emerged that burned her heart with its painful truth: she didn't trust Guero to run with him because what he had done spoke volumes of his inability or maybe even unwillingness to protect her.
"Teresa, what are you doing in here? Are you all right?", she got startled by another voice, the one that had been giving her emotional blips recently. James, hair styled, wearing a perfect black suit, and looking as if had just jumped off the cover of a fashion magazine, wasn't hiding the worry on his face as he asked the question. His voice was deep and gentle and actually caring, she thought. He told her to come downstairs as she was riding back with him, and somehow, she was able to fill her lungs with air as her brain processed the security of the immediate next few steps: riding to the safehouse with James. Then she would find time to think of Guero's reappearance and its implications.
Guero wasn't sure what he wanted of her, but he knew he had to reveal to her he was alive. In the depth of his heart, he believed they were still together, only three months had passed and no matter what she had been through, she loved him as he loved her, so he just needed to make sure she got all the facts so that they could plan how to get out!
He knew he should have told her about him and Chino scheming from Epi, but it had started long before he had met her. It had started before he had even met Leo, his Bolivian girlfriend, the one before Teresa, and he realized that telling was one thing, but giving the extra dough up was another. He couldn't just tell Chino he was chickening out and dropping the scheme because he was afraid for the lady in his bed! It would have sounded weak, and truth be told he had believed the chances of them getting caught were miniscule, as long as they kept a low profile, so giving up the thrill and the extra dough out of precautionary fear had not seemed like a smart move, not a move a man of his word would do! So he had kept silent! Besides what would have Teresa done differently had he told her? Probably nothing! He couldn't have Chino perceive him as weak, as letting women and feelings make decisions for him. His best estimate had been that they would run the op for another year and have enough to disappear and be out of the biz forever. He was sure Teresa would be happy when he told her the surprising news that he was rich enough to leave the Vargas Cartel and Mexico forever!
She should be happy, right? He had saved her from her miserable existence, and she would be grateful for his efforts and sacrifices to provide for them better. But crap he had messed up, no, he had fucked up big time! Obviously, Epi took revenge more seriously than he had thought. Guero hadn't planned to underestimate Epi, but maybe he should have paid closer attention to the man's level of commitment and details! It's not like the sideline Chino and he had been running, had made a dent into the Vargas fortune, then why the hell was his padrino such a mean bastard who had planted a bomb in his plane?
Teresa had looked shocked as he had expected, but there had been something else that bothered him; something he could not control, something bigger than him. She had not succumbed to joy and grief in his arms but had gotten her back up with his efforts to explain that he had had no other choice.
What had the woman expected him to do? He had given her the book to bargain for her life, although now he realized that nothing would stop Epifanio Vargas from killing her after she gave him the book. He realized it was not a very smart plan, but the truth was he had never realistically envisioned to need to put the plan in action! Well, he couldn't possibly control everyone and everything, now, could he?
It had gone wrong; Epi had gotten whiff of the scheming and the DEA had rescued him from sure death. What were his options but to cooperate? How could she not see that and make such a fuss about it? He had fed them useless information, biding his time as he was not a snitch by nature, but fact was that he had stolen, not only for him, for her as well, whether she admitted it or not, and now he needed to make her see that she needed to follow his lead and things would sort themselves out!
There's no way she would prefer working for Camila Vargas than running off with him to enjoy life as they had been dreaming of! So, he lit another smoke and got up from the bed in the measly motel room to check if there was any beer left in the fridge. And this room was filthy, the jerk Loya needed to send the cleaner more often as Guero hated dirty; thank God the women in his life had always taken to cleaning themselves!
