Ch 2 - I'm Not Gonna Run Away With You!

Scenes from S2E2 Dios Y El Abogado, S2E3 Un Pacto con el Diablo and S2E4 El Beso De Judas

Teresa had been so heartbroken after she had forced herself to be strong for Tony to be able to tell him about the death of his mother, that she had hardly been able to hold her tears back. She had made promises to the boy despite not being sure she could keep them.

However, somewhere deep in her mind she knew there might be a chance to keep taking care of him as James had just given her the money she needed to set up Tony and she couldn't shake the feeling that she did have a friend in the lion's den.

The problem was what to do with Guero: he was a snitch, whether by his own volition or his own stupidity, and Camila wouldn't hesitate to order a bullet be put in his head at all; and James wouldn't hesitate to follow the order, she was sure.

Her Queen in White visions had been coming less often to her now but dreaming of her future self, questioning if Guero's beautiful green eyes were worth it, had given her quite a jolt! Was his dream of Spain's white sand beach and cold sangria worth everything she had been through: being raped, being wounded, being kidnapped, being tasered, being threatened to be prostituted, being forced to mule coke in her stomach, being forced to murder people, being forced to see her best friend dead? Teresa stared in her mirror realizing she had no answer if he was worth it or not!

Guero had stolen for them, he had said. He had pretended to understand what she had been through, but Teresa was not convinced he understood. "How can I make this right?", he cared about fixing things so that they could run because that's what he had always wanted: to be free of Epifanio, to live on the stolen cash, to not carry responsibility. He had wanted to run before and had screwed up with Epifanio; he wanted to run now and if she fell for it, he would screw it up with Camila. And she, Teresa Mendoza, would be again in the middle of it, paying for his decisions. So, she had looked at him with all the sadness her heart carried and had shaken her head no! Because to her it seemed there was no way for him to make this right!

Then the DEA agents had burst in the bar and despite their assurances that Guero had not set her up, she couldn't shake the feeling that her destiny was on a course set up exactly by him, and she was certain she needed to change this.

"You are a good person in a bad situation!", agent Finnerman had told her, and the truth of the statement still rang in her ears when she drove to the meet after the exhausting and emotional day, she had had in the desert blowing up tunnels across the border.

Pote's words that 'whatever she was hiding better be worth it' flooded her mind with guilt because she had made her decision about her future and the guilt of not wanting or intending to be the submissive girlfriend gnawed at her. Neither the secret she was hiding, nor the green eyes were worth it!, Teresa knew that this truth would hurt Guero, but she intended to stick to it as the Life of a narco mora was not what she was made for.

She had needed one month to become leader of the money exchange block in Culiacan, one month to convince her fat ass boss she was worth it; she had found the courage to part ways with her two abusive boyfriends, who were not only dense in the heads but also were losers in bed. She had not had a worthy experience in bed until Guero had entered her life, but she had refused to pity herself and had taken her job on the block with faith in her abilities and hope for the future. She had been only 16!

Teresa detested Camila Vargas, but also admired her stoical opposition to her ruthless macho husband. She had run but had ended up coming back because the White Queen meant something else might be in the cards for her; it meant she could do more and be more. She had been content being a narco mora, but now that everything had been overturned, she was sure she couldn't go back to this simple life.

Teresa imagined the dreamy Spanish beach, the thought of making love in the sand seemed wonderful, but her mind inevitably took her to the question of what would happen afterwards, after the beach wasn't new anymore? And the answer that chilled her blood was that she would be watching over your shoulder forever! The more chilling scenario of a hitman putting a bullet through her or Guero's head made her realize with certainty that she was staying with Camila and making her own destiny!

"I'm not gonna run away with you!", Teresa said and laid the boundaries of their new relationship out in a steady voice. If Guero couldn't make the right choice, then she intended to survive without him, just as she had done so far! She took a look at the city lights, then turned around and without even touching him, walked away from the rooftop.


Guero was getting antsy and a little annoyed as he wasn't sure Teresa would show at the rooftop meet. His woman had changed drastically, and he couldn't help but be dismayed at her new person. The DEA agents who had saved his life from pinche Epifanio had not had a lot of luck with her obviously. He wondered what possibly she could have seen in Camila Vargas to want to stay in her operation!

Guero had never seen Teresa upset or teary in the year they had lived together. She had been this light hearted happy person, so for him to see her overly serious face, lined with pain and tearing up when speaking was a shock. The realization that he had caused her to become like that, to go through things she couldn't talk about, but would rather look away made him sick. The pain in his chest burned at the recollection that when he had asked her how to make things right, she had just shaken her head 'no', like there was no way out, no retribution, no salvation!

Teresa had point blank refused to run away with him, she had chosen Camila Vargas over him, over their love, and he couldn't wrap his mind around the size of the ambition his woman had acquired. Maybe it was more greed and desire to be part of the action than hurt! She wasn't even ready to screw everything and everyone that as per her own admission had screwed her!

He had offered to 'get the hell out' but she wanted life on her terms, and he couldn't imagine what these terms could possibly be! She also seemed to suddenly be unhappy with how their life before had been 'on his terms'. He wasn't even sure that the hell that was supposed to mean! On whose terms would their life be? he wondered. No, Guero definitely didn't have a clue what Teresa wanted as he smoked his last cigarette and after butting out, turned to walk back to the motel.

The biggest problem was that according to him Teresa herself had no clue what she wanted. She had made a choice and wanted him to betray the DEA and go work for the woman whose husband had wanted him blown to pieces. What was she thinking? That when push comes to shove, Camila won't side back with her husband, be it ex-husband or not? Of course, she would, because Epifanio would always be a bigger part of her family than both Teresa and Guero could ever be!

Guero didn't like ultimatums, he didn't like being cornered, but because he knew he had put himself partially in this position, he decided that he had to play along to see how things would develop.

His beautiful nena had been on top of her game as a money changer, but all women needed a strong man to protect them and as Teresa was no different, he just needed to ensure she saw the light and was reminded that he was that man!

And he had stalled for a few more days until Finnerman and Loya had cornered him about a shipment on its way to Galveston. Guero had no fresh information about anything, but he knew the drop channel in the port town and as he hadn't heard more from Teresa, he saw no other alternative but to spill what he knew. He had to think of himself first, just as she was thinking of herself and in her misguided thoughts had chosen Camila over him!

Once the DEA agents had left him alone and had gone to prepare their op, his mind had presented him with the idea that he wasn't betraying Teresa again! Absolutely no! He was saving her although at first glance it did not appear that way! If Camila fell, Teresa would have no choice but to run to him! He would save them by going in Witsec and putting all this shit behind them!

So, he lit another smoke and inhaled full of self-appreciation with the realization that he had to play her to save her, but he was the man, the person responsible for the situation and he had to do what he had to do!

She had gone to bed with him in his motel room the other day and had been so subdued that he had felt sorry for the hardship she had endured. He was certain it must have been tough on her, but he also believed she couldn't possibly have lost her touch with reality. She couldn't possibly prefer to be an illegal and a drug smuggler and have both ICE and DEA on her back!

This line of thought gave him hope that she would see the benefits of being legal and in Witsec, protected by the government and with him. Guero understood he would need to do a better job at protecting her, keeping her outside of any action, so that she could be the happy mora, who had enjoyed their big house and who had spent her days at the spa with her best friend and his unlimited credit card.

When he had been grabbed and she had thought him dead, she had had no choice but to run! Now he was giving her the choice and he was the obvious choice! She just needed to be made to see it!