Teruhashi opened the door and walked in. "Oh, hello again, Aiura-san." She scanned the room. "Where are the others?"

"Hiya, Terukoko. They had to cancel. Chiyopipi had an appointment she forgot about, and Chisapoyo was offered an extra shift at her job, so she took it." She wasn't lying, either. Those two genuinely had to cancel at the last minute.

Not that it was a surprise to someone who could see the future. Aiura had seen the possibility long in advance, and set up a weekly girls' day with her friends, in the expectation that today, it would just be the two of them. Alone, in a place where they couldn't be seen or overheard.

A karaoke booth, of course. The perfect place for a private conversation: public enough not to be suspicious or seedy, but private enough to know that a heart-to-heart conversation could happen without the worry of being spied upon.

Trying to get Teruhashi to admit to her feelings for Saiki would be difficult, so Aiura was determined to set up a situation with the best chances of success.

"Oh," Teruhashi frowned slightly. "Should we postpone for another time?" She wasn't as close to Aiura as the other two girls–in all honesty, she was a little bit intimidated by the busty gyaru.

"No, no, we can have fun. We can sing, we can talk, we can order desserts. They have a raspberry mille-feuille that's supposed to be fantastic."

"I'm not sure…"

"Won't you stay?" Aiura looked at her pleadingly. "I was really looking forward to this."

"I feel like… I feel like I should go."

Aiura's face fell. "Oh. Well, if that's what you want. It'll be lonely eating it by myself." She brightened. "I know! I can invite Saiki over and share it with him, instead!"

Teruhashi took her coat off. "Can we order tea with the mille-feuille?"

Jackpot. Aiura smirked.

"Okay, what are you doing with Teruhashi?" Saiki's mental voice entered her head as Teruhashi phoned in their food order.

'None of your business,' she thought back. 'Are you actually here?'

"Next room over. You'd better not try anything with her while I'm watching you."

'How rude! Terukoko and I are the best of friends.'

"You're planning something."

Teruhashi had finished ordering and hung up the phone. Aiura smiled at her and pulled out a small box. "By the way, I saw this when I was out shopping, and I thought it was perfect for you, so I bought it."

"You didn't have to do that." Teruhashi opened up the box to reveal a bracelet–one gaudier and much more to Aiura's style than she would like. "You really didn't have to."

"Course I didn't have to. But I wanted to. Try it on!"

With a fixed smile, Teruhashi slid the bracelet onto her wrist.

"Hey, what did you do?"

'I just gave her a present, do you have a problem with that?'

"The problem is that I can't read her anymore."

'Then the germanium bracelet really does work!'

"How did you know about germanium?"

'Toumachin had a theory. Turns out he was right.'

"Oi!"

"Look, I got one for myself as well. We match!"

"Are you putting one on?"

'Talk to you later, Saiki.' She put the bracelet on. 'Saiki? You there? Testing.'

Silence. It worked. She briefly posed, holding her fingers in a v-sign, figuring that he was probably using his clairvoyance to look at them.

"Aiura-san? Why are you posing like that?"

"Just being silly. But while it's the two of us, I thought we could have a little talk about your crush on the boy you like."

Teruhashi laughed uncomfortably. "What are you talking about? I don't have a crush on Saiki!" She realized what she had said. "Or anyone!"

Aiura frowned. "Why do you turn this place into a house of lies?"

"But I don't… I…"

"Babygirl, love compatibility is literally my business. I'm a professional at figuring out who is compatible with who, and I make bank at it. And I can tell you've got it bad for Mr. Pink."

"Well, then," she took a new course, "Just for the sake of argument, and I'm not admitting to anything, let's say you're right. In your professional opinion, what would be my compatibility with Saiki?"

"That. Well… I won't lie to you, Terukoko."

"And?"

"And nothing. I won't lie. Can't lie if I don't say anything at all."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Aiura sighed. "Your compatibility rating with him is higher than mine, okay? Drives me nuts, but it's true."

"It is? Wait, you like Saiki too?"

"'Too', huh? So you do admit it?"

"That wasn't…"

"But, to answer your question, yeah. He's a good guy. Really talented. Not the best-looking guy you could imagine but not bad-looking at all. He's really protective as well. And best of all, unlike most guys, he isn't gross."

"That's true, isn't it? Most of the boys I know–I mean, I like that I can get them to do stuff for me, but I can tell I won't like what they think about me."

"So, for me," Aiura continued, "the depressing truth is, you've got higher compatibility with Saiki than any other girl."

"What do you mean, 'any other girl?' Any other girl at school?"

"Any other girl. I haven't finished scanning South America yet, but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you."

"You're saying I'm the most compatible girl in the world? But–if you have a crush on Saiki, why are you telling me this?"

"We can talk about that later. I've got an idea, but there are other things to discuss, first. Like, what your plan is to bag your boy."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, to make him your boyfriend."

"I…" Teruhashi's face fell. "I don't know. I've never tried to get someone to fall for me before. I haven't needed to. Normally, they've already pre-fallen."

"Saiki's a tough nut to crack. You'll need to be persistent. It's going to take time to win him over. Don't plan on him jumping your bones anytime soon."

"'Jumping my bones'? I'm sorry, I don't know what that means."

"You know, knocking boots. Hiding the cucumber. Rolling in the hay. Bumping tummies."

Teruhashi continued looking confused.

"You know. Having sex."

Teruhashi turned bright red and stood up. "Of… of course not! That's not until after we're ma…" She suddenly closed her mouth and sat down again.

Aiura grinned. "Oh my god, just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any more adorable, you do it again!" Her smile grew softer. "Listen, honeybear, this is between us, and I swear I'll never make fun of you for it or tell anyone else. You're a virgin… right?"

Poking her index fingers together, Teruhashi couldn't look Aiura in the eyes. "Sure, but… that's normal for girls our age. Right?"

"It's not abnormal. Some kids have had sex, some are waiting until later, and that's totally fine either way. Just-do you seriously plan on waiting until you get married to do it? If you were looking for some no-strings-attached extracurricular activities, I could introduce you to someone. I know some genuinely nice guys who'd show you a great time."

"But…" Teruhashi looked confused. "Why?"

"'Why' what, sugar pumpkin?"

"Why would people have sex if they're not even married?"

Aiura sat back in her chair. "Oh… wow. You… you… And the best part is, you really mean that, don't you? No wonder everyone loves you. I already thought you were cute, but now… Hell, if you say much more, I'm going to end up stealing you from Saiki myself!"

"What?"

"I'm mostly kidding, probably. But-it's true isn't it? You really aren't just trying to get into his bed."

"No? Yes? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to answer."

"Listen, gumdrop, like I said earlier, a lot of people come to me for love predictions. And most of the time, it's about someone they're interested in sexually. I think you might be the first one ever to talk to me about someone you like where sex hasn't been on your mind one little bit."

"Um, can you stop saying 'sex' so much? It's a little embarrassing."

"Of course. I wouldn't want to embarrass you more than I already have, my lovely little fairy cake. And anyway, I gotta admire you a bit. You're in love with Saiki but you don't lust after him one iota. I mean, I really like him a lot, too. He's very likable, once you get past his pretending-not-to-care exterior. But, to be brutally frank, I do want to bang him. Repeatedly. In multiple positions. It's just at this point, it seems unlikely to happen."

Teruhashi felt like her face was permanently red. "But why? If you're willing to have s-sex with him now, why would he be interested in someone who doesn't want to? For now."

"Because Saiki's the same as you. He's never in his life acted he's interested in a person just because he wants to have sex with them."

"Is that true?"

"Yeah. He could come into his bedroom and see a sexy naked girl in his bed, and he'd just tell her to get dressed and get out." Aiura didn't think it necessary to mention that this was a gambit she had tried personally. Multiple times.

"If he doesn't want to… and I don't want to… then that means…"

"Yeah, you're almost too perfect for each other."

Teruhashi smiled, but then stopped. "You still haven't told me why you're telling me all this if we're supposed to be rivals."

Aiura grinned sheepishly. "So, I do have a big crush on him. But, realistically, I can't compete with you. But even for you, it's not gonna be easy. So if there's two of us working on it, you've got a better chance."

"But that still doesn't tell me why you say you want to help."

"I was just thinking. If you do end up getting together with Saiki and someday get married to him…" For once Aiura looked bashful, "I figured that you can be his wife, and I can be his mistress."

"What? After everything you said about helping me, you'd try and steal him away?"

"Not stealing! Borrowing! I'd return him every time!"

"But that's cheating!"

"It's not cheating if everyone agrees to it! And I can be your mistress too, if you like!"

"Excuse me?"

"I usually prefer guys, but, for you, I just: wow!"

"You're making fun of me!" Teruhashi stood up, incensed.

"I promise I'm not! Listen," she touched Teruhashi's wrist. "I'll be on your side. And I won't ask you to promise me anything."

She slowly sat down again. "So you won't be his mistress?"

"I didn't say that. I just plan on getting you to agree to it eventually. We'll have time. Anyway, the real challenge will be getting him to agree to it. So, are we a team?" Aiura held her hand out to shake.

"I… I'll think about it!" Teruhashi got up quickly. "I need to use the bathroom!" She fled out of the room.

Aiura sighed and took her bracelet off. 'You there?'

In an instant, Saiki teleported next to her in the room. "It's about time." He looked at her with a horrified expression. "You didn't."

"Didn't take you long to scan my mind, did it? And no, not completely. Not yet. But my crystal ball tells me that the Mikochin-Terukoko alliance is inevitable." She smirked. "Good luck."


Author's Notes:

I saw the idea of "Asexual Teruhashi" suggested online and I loved the idea.

The title is a line from the final ED of the series, "Duet Shite Kudasai"

"House of lies" jokes from The Simpsons.

Writing began: May 25, 2021
Writing complete: April 10, 2022