A/N: Takes place post-Spawn Hunters. I know that canonically, the team seems pretty cheerful at the end of this episode, but it's my fanfic and they'll cry if I want them to.
The mood after they returned from the Red Sentient spawn hunting mission was grim. Vert had tried his best to raise everyone's spirits—showing the Reds that they could not only find their respawn chambers but trap their antimatter too was definitely a strategic win—but there was no disguising the fact that actually destroying the respawn chamber would have dealt a heavier blow. Sherman's ego was bruised after the conflict with Tezz, Vert wasn't exactly pleased that Tezz had tried to disobey a direct order, and Agura was split between that same feeling and concern for Vert, who she was sure had broken something, what with him flying around while Spinner drove the Saber and all.
Stanford, still riding the high of vanquishing his Great Uncle Stanstead's ghost, hadn't noticed all of this, but he had noticed that his boyfriend was back home safe and sound, and he was eager to share his victory. As the team dispersed—Sherman to tinker with an updated antimatter containment unit, Spinner to decompress with video games, Vert to hit the track to shake off the day's frustration—ugh, fine, Agura, I'll go get checked up in the medbay first, jeez, wait give me my keys back!—Stanford went to find his boyfriend, who had, as Tezz was prone to do, rapidly disappeared. After first checking the laboratory, where Sherman was present but not Tezz, he found the Russian in his room.
Tezz's room was sparse, holding just a bed, a desk and a dresser that was entirely empty, which Stanford planned on expanding into soon. Stanford had added a few necessary touches when they'd started dating—more pillows, for example, were a must…
"You need more than one pillow, Tezz."
"Why? I only have one head."
…but with the exception of an old band poster he'd given Tezz, the walls were mostly bare. Interior decoration was at the top of the list once they finished this whole save-the-world thing.
"Hello love," Stanford said, leaning against Tezz's door with a data pad in his hand. "I noticed you hadn't personally congratulated me on my ghost-vanquishing victory."
Tezz was seated at his desk, staring intently at a mostly-blank Sentient screen. "Ghosts aren't real, lapochka," he said.
"Hmph. That's what you think. But I personally vanquished one today," Stanford said. "Take that, science."
Tezz didn't look up. "I'm very busy, Stanford."
"Not sure what you're busy with." Stanford wandered into the room, trailing his hand along the dresser as he went. "Vert and Agura already finished the mission brief, and since I'm the only one who wasn't on the mission, I'm the only one who has to read it." Stanford rolled his eyes and tossed his data pad onto Tezz's bed. "I thought I'd come bother you instead."
"I cannot be bothered. As I said, I'm very busy."
Stanford wandered over to Tezz's screen.
"Are you sure? Because I've had what some might call the pleasure of watching you work for some time over the course of our relationship, and this looks like electromagnetic doodling." Stanford leaned in closer and squinted. "Darling, this is basically an advanced Wooly Willy toy."
"If that's a euphemism, I'm not in the mood."
"It's not a euphemism, it's an iconic children's toy—ugh, nevermind," Stanford said. He pulled out his phone and opened a shared document that he and his teammates kept, titled, "Cultural References to Teach Tezz." Stanford typed in "Wooly Willy" under an entry titled "blue dress gold dress debacle" and moments later, Zoom's cursor appeared.
Whoa, is that a euphemism for something, or am I safe to look it up on the Hub's wifi? Having grown up in the Order, Zoom occasionally benefitted from the cultural references in the doc as well.
Spinner popped into the document—damn notification system. Stanford, keep your gay shit out of here.
Agura's cursor, blinking green, appeared. Zoom, you're safe to look it up but it's lame. Spinner, how many times do I have to tell you to be nice in the shared docs?!
Make me! appeared in blue, and Agura's cursor disappeared with a motion that felt like an eye roll. Stanford heard stomping outside the hallway, and then what sounded like a muted yelp from Spinner. Zoom left the doc too, and Stanford slipped his phone away.
"Tezz, come on, what's going on? You only doodle when you're not excited enough about electromagnetism to actually concept something, which is like, never," Stanford said.
"I'm not doodling, I'm brainstorming ways to improve the anti-matter containment unit," Tezz said, though the screen in front of him was completely blank, save occasional bursts of electricity that he'd sketched.
"Again?" Stanford asked. "I thought you fixed it in the Zone."
"It wasn't perfect," Tezz said. "You'd know that if you read the mission report."
"Really? Because according to the mission report, the device wouldn't have even worked without your modifications," Stanford said. "End quote."
"The part that I removed turned out to be essential," Tezz said. He still hadn't met Stanford's eyes.
"Yeah, Agura wrote that section, she seemed none too happy about Vert flying around on the Saber to pop it back in," Stanford said. "Hard to tell, though, when she insists on writing in that dreadful passive voice. I feel like I'm back in my high school science class."
That was the one sentence that prompted Tezz to turn around and raise his eyebrows at his partner. "You only took one science class throughout the entirety of your high school education?"
"Not the point." Stanford coughed. "Regardless, you did a great job today," he said. "And everybody makes mistakes. I mean, not me, obviously, but, you know, most people."
Tezz just rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen, and Stanford sighed.
"Tezz, come on," he said, and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's not a big deal. Vert messes up all the time, and he's the one in charge of us!"
"It is a logical fallacy to compare my performance to his. He is an original team member whereas I am a secondary one," Tez said. "Moreover, he occupies a leadership position that requires higher instances of time-pressured decision-making, which increases the potential for mistakes to be made."
Stanford sighed. "Clearly, you've resolved to let yourself wallow around in this muck, rather than dragging yourself out of it, so I'll have to reach in and grab you." Dramatically, he flopped onto Tezz's bed and lay down, then reached his arms out toward Tezz.
"Come sit on the bed and be bored with me," he said, pretending to whine. Tezz didn't respond, just continued clicking away at his screen.
"Darling, you're not going to get any work done in this state," Stanford said. "Come on, it's late, let's go to bed. Even if you aren't in the mood," he said, adding a teasing lilt to his voice. Tezz had yet to turn around.
"Tezz…" Stanford groaned, dragging the single syllable into four. He rolled over on his stomach and gave his best puppy-dog eyes to his boyfriend's back. Tezz, still staring at the screen, just lowered his head.
"You shouldn't get so attached to me," he said quietly.
Stanford snorted. "What the hell's that supposed to mean? Don't tell me you've somehow managed to already have a secret family in your five months here on Earth."
"Don't be ridiculous," Tezz said.
"Well then what are you talking about?" Stanford asked. He propped his chin up on his hands.
"If I continue to perform at a level that is not deemed acceptable, I might be asked to leave," Tezz said, fiddling with something on the desk. "If I cannot prove my worth to this team, I cannot stay here."
Stanford gaped at him from the bed. "I'm sorry, what the actual fuck? Who told you that? Was it Spinner? Because I swear—"
"No one told me that," Tezz said. His voice was quiet, detached, and he hadn't taken his eyes off the screen. "It is only logical. There are five Sentient chips, only five cars in a Battle Zone at a time. If I cannot prove I am a worthy member of Battle Force 5, there is no reason for Vert and Sage to keep me here."
"Tezz, that's bloody ridiculous!" Stanford rolled off the bed and put a hand on Tezz's shoulder. "You can't be serious about this—"
"I disappointed them today, Stanford!" Tezz stood up abruptly and knocked his hand away. His eyes were bright. "I am admittedly impressed that you read the mission report but you weren't there, you didn't see the looks on their faces. Another mistake like that and I'm out, I am sure of it."
"Tezz…" Stanford started to speak but then took a step closer and leaned in. He put his hand on Tezz's cheek. "Darling, are you crying?"
"I am not crying." Tezz crossed his arms and looked away. "My eyes are leaking."
"Tezz…" Stanford sighed. "Come here." He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist and pulled him tight. Tezz was stiff, at first—after nine years of being on his own, he still wasn't used to being held—but eventually he relaxed into Stanford's arms, even letting out a few sniffles.
"Tezz…" Stanford leaned back and brushed Tezz's hair out of his eyes. "No one is going to ask you to leave. You're a member of this team, and that's the end of it."
Tezz's eyes were teary, but he raised them to meet Stanford's. "How can you be sure?"
Stanford chuckled. "Never heard you sound unsure of anything before, love. Let's lie down." He guided Tezz over to the bed, and tucked his boyfriend's head onto his chest.
"Look, I'm going to tell you something that's extremely embarrassing, okay?" he said. Tezz nodded against his chest, and Stanford rang his fingers through his hair. "When I first started with the team, I may have… well, to put it concisely… accidentally allied myself with the Vandals and challenged Vert for the leadership of Battle Force 5."
Tezz lifted his head off Stanford's chest. His eyes were still wet but there were the beginnings of a smirk on his face. "You… what?"
"Not only did I completely fail in achieving both those ends, I also got Vert captured and almost let the Vandals invade Earth," Stanford said. "Did I mention that?"
Tezz chuckled softly against his chest. "You absolute fool."
"I'm not making it up to make you feel better, either," Stanford said. "But I share this story with you for two reasons. One is to reassure you that your endlessly perfect partner is indeed human—"
Tezz snorted at that, then sniffled.
"And the second is so that you can understand that even after messing up that badly, I'm still here," Stanford said.
"They weren't angry with you?" Tezz's voice was quiet, and he didn't lift his head from Stanford's chest.
"No, love. Of course, things were a little tense in the Zone at the time—I believe Agura's exact words were 'Way to out-Stanford yourself, Stanford'—but by the time we were back at Zeke's eating pizza, I'd been forgiven," Stanford said. "If they can keep me around after that, you have nothing to worry about."
Tezz sighed. Stanford ran his fingers through his hair a few more times and waited for him to speak. Tezz's hands were curled up between their chests, and he started to stroke a scar on his left palm.
"There was… There was a very low tolerance for mistakes in my birth family," Tezz said. His voice was quiet. "It is a memory that is difficult for me to shake."
Stanford just stroked his hair and pulled him closer. "Thank you for telling me," he said. Tezz nodded faintly against his chest. Stanford wrapped his hand around Tezz's scarred palm, and Tezz brought his hands to rest. "This family isn't going anywhere."
Tezz curled closer against him and sniffled. Stanford waited for a few moments, then spoke.
"I'm not the only one who's messed up either, you know," he said. "The Cortez brothers literally allowed an alien artifact conglomerate to invade Handler Corners, thanks to their little collecting problem. Zoom tries to take on way too much and gets in over his head, since he's trying to be just like Vert. Vert is of course the root cause of Zoom's problem, since his complete lack of self-preservation instincts is constantly getting him in trouble, and Agura…" Stanford paused, furrowing his brow. "Well, I'm sure Agura will muck something up eventually," he said. Tezz sniffled.
"Look Tezz, the point is, nobody is going to ask you to leave." Stanford's words were measured and even. "You're a valuable member of this team, and besides, you're a genius!"
"They have a genius already," Tezz sniffled.
"Darling, that's very kind of you, but flattery won't get you out of this pep talk."
Tezz rolled his eyes, then sniffled again.
"Just kidding," Stanford said. "But I am telling Sherman you said that."
"Very well," Tezz said. "My secondary function would be as an artillery expert, which they already have in you."
"Oh, come on, I'm not that great," Stanford said, waving a hand. "I'm actually kind of starting to like my occasional days off!"
"The team has a leader and a second-in-command, those positions are filled" Tezz continued, ticking items off on his fingers. "My car is not uniquely designed for scouting abilities. And while my knowledge of Sentient technology is vast, it could never compete with Sage's," Tezz said. "I am essentially useless."
"You are not useless."
"Fine, auxiliary."
"Is that like an aux cord?" Stanford asked. "Everyone loves an aux cord," he sing-songed, flicking the tip of Tezz's nose.
Tezz lifted his head in an attempt to scowl at him. "If you are intentionally conflating the meanings of those two words to cheer me up, it is not working," he said, but there was a tiny smile on his face.
"I am, and I think it is," Stanford said. He leaned forward to peck Tezz's cheek. "Come on, love, stop being so hard on yourself. That device wouldn't have even held Red Sentient antimatter without you, much less have had an accurate countdown."
Tezz looked at Stanford and raised his eyebrows. "You actually read the briefing?
"Of course I did," Stanford said, ruffling his boyfriend's hair. "You seemed upset when you got back; I wanted to know what was going on. And I obviously couldn't just ask you, based on how well this whole conversation went." He nudged Tezz's side and rolled his eyes. Tezz managed to smile, but it faded quickly.
"They're still upset with me," he said quietly. "Even if you are correct, they're still displeased."
Stanford sighed. "Look, Tezz, it's not actually you that they're mad at. Failed missions are always tough on morale," he said. "Vert is just upset that the mission didn't go smoothly, he'll get over it. Agura's just worried about Vert, not that she'll ever admit it, and Zoom is Vert's mini-me, so obviously he's going to act upset too. It's the first time Sherman has ever had someone question his intelligence, and that can't be easy for him, plus Spinner's just trying to defend his little brother." He pulled Tezz in close.
"They'll get over it," he said. "Nobody's going to ask you to leave, it's going to be okay."
Tezz nodded.
"Besides, if you leave, I leave, and then they'll really be S.O.L.," Stanford said, nudging Tezz in an attempt to get him to laugh.
"I'm sure they would just find someone to replace us—"
"Tezz." Stanford sat up, pushed Tezz up and off his chest, and grabbed his face with both hands. "Darling. No one is going anywhere. Okay?"
Green eyes met brown and burned into them.
"Okay," Tezz finally said, and Stanford could see that he meant it as much as he could in that moment.
"Good," Stanford said. He leaned in for a kiss, then the pair lay back down, snuggling and falling into a contented silence. Curled into Stanford's side, Tezz's body fully relaxed for the first time that evening.
"Would you really come with me?" Tezz asked. He was trailing his finger idly along Stanford's chest. "If I left?"
"Of course I would," Stanford said. He kissed the top of Tezz's head, then paused. "But this is probably the best job I'm ever going to get, so you'd better stick around for a while, yeah?"
Tezz chuckled. "I think I can do that."
"Good," Stanford said. He kissed his boyfriend one more time. "Feel better?"
Tezz nodded. "Thank you," he said.
"You don't have to thank me, love," Stanford said softly. "This is what I'm here for." He reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed. "Come on, it's late. Let's go to bed."
They tucked in and curled up on their sides, Stanford behind Tezz, holding him close, and fell asleep.
The next morning, Stanford woke up with his head on Tezz's chest. He hummed contentedly, happy to be found in the position he was in, then realized that Tezz was propped up by a pillow, reading something on a data pad. Stanford yawned and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's chest, hoping to pull him away from whatever he was working on and back down into bed.
"What are you reading, darling?" he asked sleepily.
Tezz tilted the data pad out of Stanford's reach. "Um, nothing," he said. Stanford furrowed his brows, suddenly very awake, and lifted his head off Tezz's chest so he could see. Tezz only made a halfhearted attempt to tilt the data pad away from him, and Stanford blinked the sleep out of his eyes, trying to focus on the text.
"Mission 10… Ancient City Battle Zone… statues of Stanford's ancestor… Stanford royally fucks up once again… hey!" he exclaimed, indignant.
Tezz snickered. "Agura certainly didn't write this one in passive voice," he said, scrolling further down on the pad.
"Oh, give me that!" Stanford said, reaching over to grab the data pad from his boyfriend. He set it on the nightstand, out of Tezz's reach (no easy feat, given his wingspan was nearly seven feet long). "So glad you're feeling better," Stanford grumbled, sitting back in the bed with his arms folded across his chest.
"I am, lapochka," Tezz said, and wrapped his arms around Stanford and kissed his cheek. "All thanks to you."
And even in his current embarrassed state, Stanford had to smile at that.
