Hi friends!
I've been in my livstone feels lately and this is what came from it. Let me know if you like it! And comment too! :)
"Peter," she walks over to sit on the couch next to him. "You have to know that there was nothing you could've done. Nothing." She emphasized.
"The last thing Pam said was……Peter." He sobs as he breaks down.
She tries to comfort him as he falls into and sobs into her shoulder. She wraps her left arm around his shoulders and brings her right hand to cradle the back of his head. Liv rubs her hand gently in a circular motion up and down his shoulder, trying to provide him support without finding the words herself.
She is completely broken for him. She doesn't know how to help him except to hold him as long as he lets her. As she continues to hold Peter in her arms, she places a row of soft kisses on the back of his neck and nuzzles her nose into the base of his neck.
Once his sobs subsided and his breathing started to even out, Olivia pulled back to look into his eyes. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
He shook his head, "No. I think I will just go home."
"Do you have anyone to take care of you? You need to be with someone tonight. I don't want you to be alone." She was worried about him and the guilt that will continue to knock him off balance for the foreseeable future.
"No, but I'll be fine. I can take care of myself. Plus, I have to get used to being alone now that Pam is gone. I have no one." You could hear the devastation and his voice shake as he talked.
"You will come home with me." She said firmly.
He looked up into her eyes. "Liv, I don't want to intrude. You have Noah to think about. He shouldn't meet me like this."
"It's no intrusion at all. As I said, I don't want you to be alone tonight."
All he could see reflecting from her eyes was a softness and kindness that he all but forgot existed in people. "Okay."
She stood up from the couch, offering him her hand to help him stand. Peter grabbed his coat and briefcase, walking with her over to the door and shutting off the lights. As he shut the door behind them, she grabbed his hand and laced her fingers with his. She knew that one would still be around to notice at this hour, but she also knew he needed someone to lean on right now. So, honestly, she didn't even care if someone saw, all she cared about was this man who was barely holding on. She was his life-raft and she wasn't going to let anything get in the way of being here for him.
He left his car outside his office and instead hopped in the passenger's seat of Liv's car. Peter was looking out the window as the buildings passed, deep in thought as the silence engulfed the car. Olivia was also thinking about what this meant. She knows that she is doing this because she cares about Peter and he needs someone right now, but she also knows that she's pretty much his boss and this would look bad to her superiors. She is also feeling things that she shouldn't be feeling for her ADA. She shouldn't be giddy at the chance to take him home to spend time with him and hold him. She thinks she is falling for Peter Stone and that's something that terrifies her.
It's about 6:30 when Liv and Peter walk into the apartment. Noah comes running up to his mom, flying into her arms to hug her. "Hi, momma. I missed you."
Liv is surprised by Noah's 180 from the past few weeks of being in his terrible 6's. She smiles widely at Noah. "I missed you too, sweetie. How was your day? Did you have fun with Lucy?"
"Yeah! We played at the park because it was warm out today." He said excitedly.
"That's great, honey." Peter is behind Olivia, by the door observing this interaction between mom and son.
"Mommy, who's that?" He points to Peter.
"That's my friend Peter. We work together."
"Oh. Why is he here? It's just you and me after Lucy leaves."
"Well, you see Noah, Peter isn't having a good day. He needs to spend some time with friends to cheer him up. Do you think we're up for the task?"
"Yes! I can show him my room and all my toys. I can show him legos and—"
She interrupts him with a chuckle. "Okay, Noah. Slow down a little. We don't want to overwhelm the guy. How about we have dinner and watch a movie together? How does that sound?"
"Okay, mommy. But can I choose the movie?"
"Of course. Now let's introduce you. Okay?"
Noah nods. "Okay."
"Noah, I'd like you to meet Peter Stone, and Peter I'd like you to meet my son, Noah."
Peter steps forward, closer to Olivia. "It's nice to meet you, Noah."
Noah looks at him skeptically for a moment. "It's nice to meet you too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After eating dinner, the three of them were gathered around to start the movie. They were all sitting on the couch, Noah snuggled into his mom's side while she sat between Noah and Peter. She could tell once the movie was going that Peter wasn't fully there. He was lost in his thoughts, fighting a war that he was losing right now.
She nudged him without disturbing Noah, whispering, "Hey, you doing okay over there"
He gave her a sad smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"I can tell you're not, but I'll let it slide…for now."
He looked away breaking their eye contact, not being able to look into her beautiful chocolate eyes any longer without falling apart. And he didn't want to do that in front of Noah, scaring the poor boy.
When he looked back up to the screen, she slipped her right hand into his left, subtly so Noah couldn't tell. He looked over at Liv and she just smiled, not looking over at him. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and kept her hand in his, laying together in between them on the couch. He smiled and gave her hand a squeeze back, hoping that she understood that he was trying to thank her the best way he could right now.
When the movie was over, it was time for Noah to get ready for bed. Olivia sent him off to change and brush his teeth, following to tuck him in. She patted Peter's thigh as she stood up, "I'll be right back." While Liv is putting Noah to bed, Peter starts to think back to more childhood memories with Pam. He doesn't have anything to distract him, it's just him and his thoughts.
He was spiraling down into the depths of his guilt when Olivia came back out to sit next to him on the couch. She brought with her a bottle of wine and 2 glasses, setting them down on the table in front of them. She looked over at him, noticing that he was in his mind again. She knows what guilt does. Survivours guilt will eat you from the inside out, especially when it's family.
"Hey." She said as she turned to him. Peter looked over at her, but he was looking straight through her, clearly still fighting with his mind.
"Peter" she tries to get his attention. She reaches out to grabs his hand to anchor him. "Peter, can you hear me?"
He looks directly into her eyes now. She could see there were unshed tears waiting to fall. "What? Oh sorry, Liv. I was just thinking."
"Yeah? What about?"
"Nothing."
"Peter." She waits a couple of seconds before continuing. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here for you no matter what."
A single tear slid down his face, falling onto their joined hands sitting in his lap. "Liv, I don't know how to keep going without her. I have no one. What's the point anymore?"
She can see how broken he is, not just over Pam's death, but over so many other things too. "Peter, you have people who love you. You have me." He still has his head down, avoiding eye contact with him.
"Why Liv? Why do you care? I'm just a jackass attorney who makes your life harder. I sleep with women that I don't even remember the names of in the morning just so I can forget how much of a fuck up I am. I'm not worth your time, Liv."
He is sobbing again and her heart is breaking for this man. He is so lost and broken he doesn't think he deserves to be loved and she can relate at moments. "Oh, Peter." She pulls him in and wraps her arms around him. She has unshed tears glossing her eyes, trying not to cry herself. She holds him as he continues to cry into her hair, before pulling back to look him in the eye.
"Peter, look at me." He looks up at her, looking almost like a little boy., So small and broken, just needing someone to grab his hand and pull him out of the water from drowning. "You have to know that's not true. You are worth so much more than you think. I know you are struggling right now, but that doesn't mean that it won't get better."
Olivia brings her hand up to his cheek, wiping away the tears that were coming out in a steady flow. "It will get better if you grab onto the hand reaching out for you. Grab onto my hand, Peter." She pleaded with him.
He takes a deep breath. He raises his hand to cover hers that's resting on his cheek. "Liv, how did I get so lucky to have someone like you in my life?"
She smiles sadly at him. "By just being you. The pain in the ass who always pushes to the breaking point and yet still finds a way to fight for others."
That makes him laugh, a sound that she's never found more beautiful. She also causes her to laugh, feeling her heart start to heal. "Now, let's get you to bed. You need to sleep." He nods, agreeing that he hasn't had a good night's rest in a long time.
She leads him to her room insisting he sleeps in her bed. He wanted to argue with her, saying that he could never take her bed away from her, but he doesn't have a fight left within him. She gives him a pair of men's sweatpants to wear before going into her bathroom to change. A couple of minutes later she emerges in a pair of leggings and a t-shirt that hangs off her shoulders, while he was wearing the sweat pants and no shirt.
Once he gets settled, she starts to leave the room. Peter grabs her hand before she can get far enough away from him. "Where are you going, Liv?" He asks from underneath the covers, his head popping out. She would laugh if the reason he was there wasn't so sad.
"I am going to go sleep in bed with Noah. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"Please, come to bed. I don't think I can be alone." He couldn't believe he was being so vulnerable with her, but at this point, they were way past holding up walls tonight.
Olivia imagined him saying that for the first time under different circumstances, but it doesn't matter now. She needs to be here for him, in any capacity he is willing to give her.
She didn't say a word, just moved to the other side of the bed. She slid under the covers, moving more towards Peter, but leaving enough space between them. She still is his boss no matter what.
Peter had other ideas. Once she was on her side, he rolled onto his right side, scooting closer to Liv. She turns on her side towards Peter, locking eyes.
"I know this might be a weird question, but will you just hold me?"
"Of course, Peter. I just don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you. I'm your friend always, but in the eyes of NYPD, I'm your boss."
"I know. But I really just want to be close to you right now. I can't explain it, but being near you gives me so much peace.'
She smiles, moving even closer to him. He wraps his arms around her waist, snuggling his nose into her hair as her head lays on his shoulder. She intertwines their legs while wrapping her arms around his body, mirroring his arms.
"Good night, Liv." He said, sleepily, already on his way to unconsiousness.
She whisperers back, "Good night."
In the morning, Liv wakes up and realizes that she's still in his arms. She doesn't open her arms, wanting to bask in this warmth as long as she can. She slowly opens her eyes, to find Peter awake and staring into hers.
She yawns and says, "Good morning."
"Good morning, Liv." He smiles.
"I just want to thank you for everything last night. You're amazing, you know that?"
She blushes. "Peter, it was nothing. I have no problem taking care of you when you clearly needed someone."
He stares into her eyes, not moving from the embrace that they were still in. "Liv, is it okay if I kiss you?"
She was taken back by that. She had no idea that he would ever want to kiss her let alone after what's happened. She doesn't know why, but she feels herself nodding, and before she can process anything else, his lips are on hers.
