Major Samantha Carter walked into the mess hall with her laptop in hand, ready to catch up on her mission reports while she ate breakfast. She balanced her tray in one hand, the laptop wedged under her arm, as she settled at a table in the far corner of the room.

Taking a sip of her coffee, she popped a piece of a surgery donut into her mouth and opened her computer. Her mouse hovered over the most recent report file when a new email alert popped onto her screen.

READ THIS the subject said in big bold letters. The sender was anonymous, but the email was from a fanfiction site Sam frequently visited. Opening the email, she found the title and URL for a new Wormhole Xtreme fanfiction story. While she usually didn't read fanfiction at work, she was intrigued as to why someone would send this to her work email and not her personal one. Curiosity won out; she clicked the link and opened the story.

It was a fairly typical fanfiction. Colonel Danning and Major Monroe were ordered to go undercover in a situation that would put them in an extremely compromising position. Nothing out of the ordinary, until Sam read one sentence in the middle of the second chapter.

"After licking the front door, Monroe threw her duffel bag in the truck bed and climbed into the front of Danning's crew cab."

Coffee sputtered from Sam's mouth as the mental image of what the author wrote whipped through her mind. Clearly, this was a typo and the author meant locking instead of licking.

"Sam?" Janet called from across the room as Sam frantically tried to dry her computer screen and keyboard. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Sam said, quickly shutting the laptop lid.

"Whatcha reading?" Janet asked, coming to stand next to Sam.

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh," Janet gave her a knowing look. "Did you get to the licking part yet?"

Sam's eyes widened at her words. Surely Janet hadn't sent her the anonymous email, but by the twinkle in her eye she had. Busted, Sam thought with an inward groan.

"I can't believe the author published it like that," Sam said, without admitting anything outright. "Talk about a big typo."

"Oh, I don't know," Janet shrugged. "Maybe it wasn't."

"Come on," Sam wrinkled her nose. "Can you imagine Monroe actually licking a front door?" She asked in a low whisper.

"What kind of lick did you imagine?" Janet asked. When Sam just looked at her, she added, "I pictured her doing a long, sensuous lick. Really getting into it."

Sam sputtered, the image bombarding her brain.

"And Danning is in the truck watching her," Janet waggled her eyebrows.

"He'd probably be wearing the biggest 'what the f—' expression," Sam countered.

"Yeah, but he's gotta be slightly turned on because, well," Janet grinned, "it's Monroe. And she's licking something."

Sam burst out laughing as Janet gave her a 'think about it' shrug and walked away.

"What's so funny, Carter?" Jack asked, passing Janet on his way to take a seat at the table.

"Nothing," Sam tried desperately to stop laughing, but just ended up making an unladylike snort as laughter continued to bubble to the surface.

"Come on," Jack grinned at her. "If you think it's this funny, it's got to be good."

Sam shook her head, not wanting to explain what she'd been reading or the entire licking conversation she'd just had with Janet. When Jack opened his mouth to ask again, Sam jumped up, almost knocking over her chair.

"I have to go, I forgot to lick…I mean lock my lab door!" She fled, leaving a perplexed Jack O'Neill wondering what in the hell had just happened.