Chapter 2
Yaz could hear voices, although they sounded far away. One was the Doctor; the other was a woman she didn't recognise.
"Her vitals look good," the Doctor was saying brightly.
"Yes, she should be coming around any minute. The surgery was a success. You say you're a doctor?"
"Yes, I am. I could have patched up her shoulder easily enough. I could probably have dealt with the head injury too. It's the spinal injury that's beyond my capabilities. I understood what needed to be done, but I haven't got the training or experience, and I couldn't take the risk of anything going wrong."
"You were right to bring her to us. We handle cases like this all the time, especially from travellers like you."
Yaz tried to remember where they were. Sometimes it did get a bit confusing when you were planet-hopping all the time. Suddenly she could hear the Doctor's voice inside her mind, urgently explaining something to her: she was going to be just fine, but she needed to be brave. The Doctor was going to stay with her, and they were…married? When did that happen?
"Doctor?" she said, forcing her eyes open.
"Yaz!" the Doctor cried joyfully, suddenly appearing at her side. "Welcome back!
"What happened?" she asked groggily.
"Long story short, you were attacked by a giant bird while we were climbing a mountain. You're going to be all right, though. We're at Sisters of the Infinite Schism, the best hospital in the whole universe! You've just come out of surgery, and you're doing great."
Yaz did a mental check of her various body parts. Head hurt. Left shoulder was in searing pain. The top half of her body generally ached. But the bottom half…
"Doctor, I can't feel my legs," she said in alarm.
"It's okay, Yaz. You partially severed your spinal cord, but they were able to reattach all the nerves and axons. Really amazing surgeons here. The feeling will come back over the next few days."
"Will I be able to walk?" Yaz asked.
"Not right away, but as you heal, you'll learn to walk again. You'll be good as new by the time you're out of here. We'll be running all over time and space again before you know it!"
"She's right dear, you're going to be just fine." Yaz turned her focus to the other woman in the room, who was dressed in all white with a sort of veil that made her look like some kind of futuristic nun. And, Yaz suddenly noticed, she was coming at her with something sharp. "Of course, now that you're awake, you're going to need something for the pain. This should help a lot." She jabbed Yaz with the sharp object she was holding, and Yaz felt most of the pain drain away almost instantly. Suddenly she was filled with warmth and happiness, as if something wonderful had happened. And then she remembered: it had. She turned her head towards the Doctor and smiled.
"They always like the morodone," the woman in the funny hat chuckled. "I'm Sister Ruby, by the way. I'll be your nurse during the day. I've already gotten to know your wife. She was pacing a hole in the floor the whole time you were in surgery."
My wife. Yaz looked at the Doctor questioningly. "When did we get married? I don't remember it."
"Oh, you poor dear!" said Sister Ruby. "That nasty knock on your head must have given you a bit of amnesia!"
"It was a very sudden wedding," the Doctor explained to Sister Ruby. Yaz wasn't sure if she was imagining the Doctor avoiding her eyes. "And right after we tied the knot, I took her to Bella 4 for our honeymoon, and well, that was where her unfortunate prisera bird attack took place. I'm really not surprised she doesn't remember anything." She smiled nervously.
"Still, what a sad thing not to remember your own wedding. Well, maybe her memories will come back."
"But we really are married?" Yaz asked, unable to keep from grinning.
"Yes, really!" said the Doctor. "Now you have a very small hairline fracture on your skull and there was some bleeding, but it's stopped now so you're going to be fine. You just need a bit of rest. The bird did scratch your shoulder badly, and there might be scars from that, but otherwise it'll be fine. You're getting antibiotics to prevent infection, which is the most important thing. Your spinal injury is the worst bit, but the Sisters of the Infinite Schism use nanosurgery techniques to reattach every tiny nerve, allowing complete healing to take place. On Earth in your time, you'd be paralyzed for life."
"But before that, you married me?" She couldn't stop grinning. The Doctor looked slightly disconcerted.
"Yes, we – yes."
"I'd better leave you two alone," Sister Ruby said cheerfully. "Just ring if you need anything!"
"Why does she wear that funny hat?" Yaz asked the Doctor as soon as Sister Ruby was gone.
"It's her habit. She's a nun, but not from any religion you would recognise."
Yaz looked around the room, fully taking in her surroundings. It was more like a hotel room than a hospital room. The walls were painted a soothing purple, and sunlight poured in through a large window covered with gauzy drapes. Her bed was slightly large for a single bed, with lots of comfy pillows and a multicoloured blanket that gave it a homier feel. She herself, however, was dressed in a white gown that very much did look like a hospital gown.
"Where is my stuff?" she asked.
"I've got your jewellery and everything in a bag. They had to throw out your shirt and jacket, I'm afraid. The bird's talons ripped them too badly."
The warm feeling washed over her again. "That's okay. I still have you."
The Doctor looked at her very seriously. "Yaz, it's my fault this happened to you. I miscalculated when I took you to Bella 4. I thought we were avoiding the prisera birds, but they were still there, and the one that got you was going after me. You saved my life pushing me out of the way."
"Of course I would have. I love you."
The Doctor's eyes seemed to search Yaz's face, but a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "I'm just glad you're still here. I'd be lost without you."
"I'll never not be here. I'm your wife now!"
The Doctor stepped a little closer. "Yaz, I had to tell them we were married so they'd let me sign off on your medical care. Otherwise they would have appointed someone from the hospital to be in charge of you until you were able to make your own decisions, and they probably wouldn't have done anything differently, but I would have been shut out of the process. And I needed to be here for you."
"Of course you had to tell them. It's not a secret, is it? I just wish I could remember the wedding. It's hard to believe…" The sappy smile came back. "I just never expected you to love me the way I loved you."
The Doctor swallowed. "You…you didn't?"
"No. I've been in love with you since…well, for a long time, but I just assumed…but I'd have followed you to the ends of the universe anyway, of course."
"And never asked for anything in return," the Doctor said softly.
Yaz gave her a hopeful smile. "I feel sleepy. Will you lie down with me? I'd like…I'd like to know what it's like to be held by you." Her smile faded as tears pricked her eyes. "I know we're married. It's in my head, like something I just know, but I don't remember marrying you. I don't even remember us being together as a couple. That blow to my head must have knocked a lot out." She put her fingers to her eye, trying to keep a tear from escaping. "I know you must have held me before, but I just don't remember it. I feel like all my dreams came true and I just slept through it."
"I'll hold you now," the Doctor said quickly. She took off her coat and hung it up, then sat on the edge of the bed to unlace her boots and take them off. Then she slowly turned and stretched out on the bed beside Yaz. "Come here, sweetheart," she said softly, taking Yaz into her arms and pulling her close. She was gentle, but there was still a firmness to the way she held Yaz, as if she'd been waiting to do this. Yaz happily snuggled in, resting her head against the Doctor's shoulder, but nothing about the action felt familiar. She'd hoped it would trigger a memory in her mind of the Doctor holding her like this before, but there was nothing.
"This feels good," she murmured.
"Mmm."
"Can you tell me how it happened? How did we get married?"
There was a lengthy pause. "It was a very sudden decision. It wasn't what you really deserved, to be honest. We were visiting New Las Vegas, and it just…happened. It's just as well you don't remember it, because you deserve a better wedding than that."
"But if you'd asked, I would have said yes, no matter what," Yaz said with a smile. "I'd have done anything to be with you. I remember that much."
The Doctor hugged her a little tighter. "The only thing that needed to change was me being a little braver."
"Why did you need to be braver?" Yaz felt her eyes closing again, the Doctor's warmth giving her a sense of safety.
"It takes a lot of courage, love. There are so many ways you can be hurt."
"But it's also a form of hope. That's what you said at my Nani's first wedding."
"It is that. But hope takes courage too. That's something you've never lacked, not in the slightest."
"I learned it from you."
"No, Yaz. I'm still learning it from you."
Yaz could feel herself drifting off to sleep. "I'm just happy you're mine, even if I can't remember much. I really wanted this."
"We'll make new memories as soon as you're well," the Doctor promised, and that happy thought lulled Yaz to sleep.
When Yaz woke up again, the Doctor was still lying next to her, but she was holding what looked like a rectangular piece of glass with a screen lit up on it.
"Ah! There you are!" said the Doctor cheerfully. "Did you have a good nap?"
"I can't tell," Yaz said truthfully. She still felt extremely groggy. "What is that?"
"It's the tablet the hospital provided for your room. You can use it to play games, order from the gift shop, or order food. Speaking of which, are you hungry?"
"I'm quite thirsty," Yaz said. "I think I could manage some food too."
"Maybe we'll start you with something light." The Doctor opened up the food menu and explained the options to Yaz, who didn't recognize any of the dishes. She ended up settling on something similar to porridge, some kind of egg, and tea. The Doctor picked something for herself as well and submitted the order.
While they waited for their food to arrive, a nun came in with the Doctor's orders from the gift shop: some sort of giant puzzle book for herself and what looked like a plush marshmallow with hands, feet, and a smiling face, which the Doctor proudly presented to Yaz.
"I was excited that they had these here, but I suppose we are in the right galaxy," she said as she handed over the cuddly toy.
"It's soft," remarked Yaz. "What…is it?"
"It's an Adipose! A baby one, anyway. Slightly larger than life-sized. I've met real ones. Thousands of them, actually."
"Are they friendly?"
"They're friendly enough. Not really threatening, unless…well, that's a long story. They're not really fuzzy like that one. Actually, they're quite jiggly. Mostly made of fat."
Yaz pulled a face but tucked the toy at her side. Her eyes drifted up to the screen by her bed, which had a lot of numbers and wavy lines on it. "Are those my…"
"Vitals, yes. I've been keeping a close eye on that. They've been excellent so far." The Doctor sat back down on the bed and thumbed through her puzzle book, which promised to contain hundreds of brain-bending puzzles. That should keep her busy for a good ten minutes, Yaz thought.
"It's hard, you know?" the Doctor said after a minute. "Watching other people take care of you. I just want to go to the TARDIS and get you some good pain meds and some cream for your shoulder. I want to be the one who looks after you. And I would have done, if you hadn't gotten the spinal cord injury. That requires highly specialized robot-assisted nanosurgery, which I just can't do. So since you're here, I know the best thing to do is let the Sisters take care of you, because I know they're very capable. My job is just to support you."
"Your job is to be my wife." Yaz reached for the Doctor's hand and squeezed it.
The Doctor swallowed. "Yes. That's my only job right now." She looked at Yaz like she wanted to say something more, but no words came out, and then someone brought in their food, so they turned their attention to that.
Even a simple task like eating took quite a bit of concentration for Yaz. She was so groggy she could barely think, and just getting her bed raised so she was in a sitting position made her dizzy. Still, it felt surprisingly good to eat something. It felt like moving forward, in a way, and it made her feel a little more alert.
"Doctor," she blurted out suddenly when she was nearly finished, "if we're married, does that mean we've…"
"Er…oh." The Doctor's eyes widened. "No, no we didn't…get the chance to consummate. We went straight to Bella 4 from New Las Vegas."
Yaz frowned, setting down her spoon. "We got married, and the first thing we did was go climb a mountain?"
"Erm, yep."
"Even though we hadn't consummated the marriage."
"Er…well the mountain had beautiful views, and I really wanted to take you to see them."
That triggered a flash of memory in Yaz's head. She remembered walking out of the TARDIS with the Doctor and heading towards a mountain with a switchback path they were going to walk up. She did remember it being pretty, and the Doctor being excited, but she didn't remember being married.
"I think I remember the mountain. It just seems odd that you would have talked me into going there first. I would have thought my priorities would have been a little different."
She looked at the Doctor, raising her eyebrows. The Doctor looked down.
"I brought supplies. We were going to camp out on top of the mountain. You can see so many stars from there, and polar lights. I just didn't get us there at quite the right time."
Oh. Now it made sense. Yaz's eyes filled with tears as she thought of the night that should have been, and this time she couldn't stop them from spilling over.
"Yaz, did I say something to upset you?" the Doctor asked gently.
"No. It's just, I get it now. We were going to make love for the first time on a mountaintop, under the stars. It would have been so romantic." She wiped a tear away. "I'm so sorry we didn't get to do it."
"Yaz, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault you got hurt. I timed our trip wrong, and you very nearly gave your life to save mine. You don't deserve this, any of it." She tenderly wiped away the tears that continued to fall. "Come on, sweetheart, drink your tea. You don't need to be sad about what you missed. I'm disappointed we never made it to the top of the mountain too, but I'm just glad you're here and that you're going to be all right. As soon as you're better, we'll do anything you want."
Yaz smiled a little, accepting the cup of tea the Doctor thrust at her. "I can't really complain. I'm married to the woman of my dreams, after all. I can put up with anything as long as you're here."
When she was done eating, Sister Ruby gave her another dose of pain medication (just in time; her shoulder was really starting to throb) and put the top of her bed back down so she could sleep some more.
"We need to change your position every few hours to keep your blood flowing right," she told Yaz. "You can't really lie on your left side with your shoulder the way it is, but I can turn you onto your right side."
Yaz, not liking the idea of someone else rearranging her body for her, tried to turn onto her side by herself, but quickly found she couldn't do it without control over her legs.
"I'll help," said the Doctor, and together, she and Sister Ruby got Yaz comfortably arranged on her right side. It was still very disconcerting not being able to feel the lower half of her body – she hoped the Doctor was right that she would be back to normal after she healed, or they would never get to consummate their marriage – but she knew exactly what would take her mind off it.
"Can you lie down with me again?" she asked as soon as Sister Ruby had gone.
"Of course." The Doctor pulled back the blankets and climbed into bed beside her, facing her with a reassuring smile. Yaz stared into her beautiful hazel eyes and couldn't help smiling back. So she and the Doctor hadn't had sex yet, but they must have kissed, mustn't they? She could at least have that. So she kissed her, and the Doctor kissed her back so tenderly, it made Yaz melt inside. She was surprised when she pulled back and saw sadness filling the Doctor's eyes, an ancient sort of sadness.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing's wrong," the Doctor insisted, a little too quickly.
"Yes it is. You look sad." Yaz tentatively touched the Doctor's face. This was her wife, so she could do this, right? "Are you sad because I don't remember marrying you? Because I don't remember having a romantic relationship at all?" That must have been it, because she saw tears fill the Doctor's eyes as soon as she said it. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think about how hard it must be for you to hear your new wife say she doesn't remember even being with you."
"It's not that," the Doctor promised her. "I'm just sad that you're hurt. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. If I could go back—"
"But we can't, so let's go forwards. If my memories don't come back…maybe we can have another ceremony?"
The Doctor nodded. "I'd like that. A much better one. Whatever you want."
"Maybe we can do it in Sheffield, so my family can be there. And Graham and Ryan."
The Doctor smiled wistfully. "Yasmin, I love you so very much. Whatever happens, I need you to remember that."
"How could I forget? I'm your wife." Yaz smiled back. "And I love you too. I have for so long. It feels good to say it!"
"I wish I'd known," the Doctor whispered.
"You know now. That's what matters." Yaz's eyelids began to droop. "Sorry. I can't seem to stay awake for long."
"You shouldn't. Sleep means healing." The Doctor kissed her, lingering a little longer this time. "Sleep," she told her. "I'll be right here." She wrapped her arms tightly around Yaz, and Yaz drifted blissfully to sleep.
