A/N: Although crack pairings and polygomy may be my bread and butter, this story nagged my brain to be written.

Disclaimer: I do not own a single proper noun contained herein and profit is not being made, nor solicited. Please support the original content creators by purchasing the manga and watching the anime.

The Last Single Friends

Chapter One: Emotionally-Stunted Perverts

Naruto sighed at the sight of his dusty old apartment, the stacks of unread mail, and the mountain of unwashed laundry. Somehow, it had all refused to sort itself out in the 3 months he had been gone. The blonde dropped his pack to the floor with a resounding thud - that would be the scrolls - and scratched the back of his head lazily. If Sakura were here, she would make him clean up, insisting that he had to start somewhere. Naruto, however, was more tempted to see if Hinata would take care of it for him.

Except, things hadn't been going too great with Hinata lately and even Naruto understood that calling upon her for laundry service could not end well. Even though Hinata would likely do it (without a word of complaint), Sakura would somehow find out and beat his head in. The problem with his relationship, after all, was that it was so boring. He felt like an ass just thinking it. He knew he was an ass when he walked through the gates earlier that day; three months away on a mission and did he long to see his girlfriend? Not particularly. Cleaning up and presenting himself at the stuffy Hyuuga compound so she could blush at him as they knelt across a room from one another didn't appeal to him at all.

Naruto collapsed at his kitchen table and placed his head in his hands, groaning. How could it have gone this way? He was taking longer and longer missions just to avoid her. She was beautiful; that could not be denied. She was the type of girl any guy would be lucky to marry: kind, attractive, obedient... boring.

There was that word again. She loved him. She had told him so. She would do anything for him. They made a great team; a great couple. They wanted the same things: peace, a family, a modest house and maybe a couple of kids. Shouldn't it just be smooth sailing from then on? Why couldn't he feel the same way? They had been dating for two years. Naruto had intentionally spent approximately 18 of those months on missions, deliberately travelling to avoid her. She had to have noticed by now.

She laughed at all of his jokes and she always said the most supportive and kind things. She had taken the time to understand him and knew how to comfort him and build him up when he needed it. Maybe that was the problem - she was too perfect. It was too easy. Maybe the problem was that he felt impotent because he was not providing anything in their relationship other than posturing about as a hero. He wasn't there for her the way she was for him. They were unbalanced.

In truth, it was never just one thing. Naruto groaned into his tabletop again, mussed his lengthened hair he hadn't had time to cut, and eyed the mail. Junk, he thought. It all had to be junk. Sakura's nagging voice sounded in the back of his head. She'd tell him to be more efficient. If she was feeling more charitable, perhaps if she had missed him, she might soften the blow and merely insist that he just start somewhere and chip away at it a little bit at a time.

As Naruto was accustomed to doing since it became clear Sakura could beat his skull in when he disobeyed, he heeded her imagined guidance and picked up an envelope.

It was the electric bill. He placed it off to the side in the decidedly not junk pile and picked up another: a thank you card from Ino and Sai for their wedding gift. Naruto rubbed his face, eyeing the picture they had included from their wedding day and feeling a bit jealous. He read the sentiments then dropped it to the floor, starting a 'garbage' pile.

The thank you card was shortly joined by catalogs and coupons to places Naruto never shopped. The gas and water bills joined the electric in the Not Junk stack. Then his wandering fingers found a heavy cream envelope about halfway through the mountain. Naruto glanced at his name on the front and the unfamiliar return address and ripped it open, expecting a cleverly disguised solicitation for life insurance.

Instead, he pulled out a fluttery mass of heavy cardstock cordially inviting him (and a guest) to a wedding. Naruto squinted at the flowy script that was difficult to read and did not recognize the bride's name at all. The groom's name, however... Naruto's jaw dropped open in shock. He turned the paper over, half expecting a see a message reading 'gotcha' on the back, but no such luck.

Abandoning his task entirely, he executed a perfect flash-step, vanishing instantly and reappearing in Sakura's open kitchen window, narrowly dodging a kunai she sent his way.

"What the hell?" He demanded, surprised by her hostility.

Sakura was standing at her kitchen counter pulling her terrible (but effective) medicinal snacks from the oven. She smiled at him innocently. "I'm glad you're home, Naruto, but I seem to recall that we had a conversation about the importance of using the front door."

"You let Kakashi-sensei come in through the window." Naruto groused, stepping across the sill and onto the ceramic tiles.

Sakura scowled. She did not let Kakashi come in through the window, he was just as incorrigible as Naruto.

"Hi, Naruto!" Rock Lee called. Sakura's kitchen opened up to her living room/sitting area and Lee was lounging on her sofa, eating apple slices that had been cut to resemble bunnies: Sakura's one kitchen specialty that didn't taste like dirt. "How did your mission go?"

Naruto grinned at him. "It went great!" he espoused proudly. "What are you doing here?"

"Sakura-sa-" Lee began, then caught a glare from his hostess and hastily corrected himself, "Sakura was kind enough to give me a quick check-up following my mission."

"Lee also just got home," Sakura clarified.

"When was the last time you were out?" Naruto asked her suspiciously. Sakura, like everybody Naruto knew, got pent up when she went too long without a mission which might explain the kunai she'd thrown at him. Even though, as an accomplished healer, she wasn't supposed to play on the front lines and take unnecessary risks, she didn't always obey Tsunade's rules when she got too antsy. Sometimes she downright demanded harder missions. Field medic, she would emphasize. Not Hospital Stooge. Kakashi was putty in her lethal hands.

"I got home last night," Sakura said. "I went South for a few weeks with Genma and Sai."

Naruto blinked. That grouping could only mean ANBU work. Naruto himself was often excluded from the seedier missions due to his higher profile and public reputation, which they needed to keep intact until he assumed his role as Hokage.

Sakura caught his look of uncommon concentration. "We were successful," she clarified.

Naruto beamed at her. "You always are," he affirmed.

Sakura set about tidying her kitchen. "Did you want me to give you your post-mission check-up, too?" she asked.

"Anything to skip the hospital!" Naruto replied cheerily, unzipping his jacket with gusto and tossing it on her microwave.

"I'll get out of your way, Sakura," Lee said, standing up.

"See you around, Lee," Sakura replied, waving at him from her kitchen when he slipped out of the door.

Naruto hopped up on the counter like a child, swinging his legs back and forth excitedly. His behavior drew the grin he was hoping for out of Sakura when she moved to stand in front of him. As she had done a thousand times before, she checked his vitals, scanned his chakra network, and inspected his body for injury. Lastly, as she always did, she took a gentle hold of his always-bandaged hand and surged her healing chakra into it.

She had explained to him once before that it was like patchwork healing and his feeling and movement would improve every time she put more work into it, but it was not something that could be fixed all at once. Or even ever fully resemble his original arm, though she would keep trying.

Naruto stared down at his hand and remembered why he had come. He suddenly felt depressed and wasn't sure how to bring it up. Watching the sweat bead on her furrowed brow as she pushed more chakra into his fingers, he bit the bullet and blurted out, "How's Sasuke?"

"Huh?" she asked, having been absorbed in her work. She blinked and met his eyes. "He's fine," she replied. "You were here when he got cleared for missions again, right?"

Naruto nodded slowly, feeling a stab of guilt once again. Having been gone so frequently hadn't only created the distance he wanted between himself and Hinata; he'd been missing his friends too. "Yeah," he replied, a little more morose.

Sakura glared at him and Naruto immediately attributed her short fuse to the bags under her eyes. "Cut the crap, Naruto, what's wrong?" she asked, reading him like a book.

After delaying the inevitable by putting his shirt back on, he met her eyes. "What happened between you and Sasuke?" He asked.

"I dumped him," she replied matter-of-factly, folding her arms across her chest, looking like she was waiting for him to get to the point that he'd already arrived at.

"What?" Naruto yelled. "When?"

Sakura made the annoyed face she always made when he was too loud. "Three months ago. Just after you left, I think."

It was only now that Naruto observed the wedding invitation, identical to the one he had received, secured to Sakura's fridge with a magnet. He gestured to it helplessly as he struggled to find words. "But- what- engaged?" He blathered.

Sakura looked over her shoulder at the invitation dispassionately. "Yup. Betrothed."

Naruto blanched at her lack of interest. "Did he cheat on you?" Last he checked, Sasuke and Sakura had been trying to make it work since he'd been dragged home two years ago, but their efforts had frequently been derailed by some serious rehabilitation work on Sasuke's attitude and public image. It couldn't be easy to date a guy the entire world wanted dead. Not to mention, Sasuke had returned home even more shutdown and depressed than when he'd left as a child. And all of these hurdles were compounded by the fact that Sakura was constantly in demand for missions and she was gone nearly as frequently as Naruto.

If Sasuke had cheated on her, Sakura likely would have punched Naruto for pouring salt in her wounds. Instead, she scoffed at the very notion. "He's not suicidal," she replied.

Naruto was relieved she was so unaffected. "So what happened then?" he asked eagerly.

A muscle twitched in her jaw, a usual prelude to a punch. "That's kind of personal, don't you think?" she asked, a slight edge of her usual heat entering her voice.

"I'm your best friend!" Naruto whined.

Sakura glared at him.

"I'm your absentee best friend!" Naruto amended, hoping to soften her.

Sakura seemed to have decided to let it drop because she then rolled her eyes and looked back at the invitation. "I just couldn't do it anymore." She admitted quietly. "He was just so entitled. Like everything was just going to work out now that he was home; that I'd just throw myself at his feet after everything he did and start popping out progeny."

"You dumped Sasuke for being too entitled?" Naruto asked, flabbergasted.

The irony was not lost on Sakura, and her lips twitched, fighting a smirk. "It's my fault," she sighed. "We wanted to make it work, but he just kept looking for twelve-year-old me and that girl just isn't there anymore and I was doing the same thing to him. I care about him, of course, but there's no passion between us. If I'm being totally honest, it became boring and unromantic."

"You're taking this really well," Naruto commented, trying very hard not to draw any parallels to his own relationship.

"Oh, the betrothal?" Sakura asked. "I arranged it. The bride, Yumi, is the second great-niece of the Feudal Lord; she was raised to make babies and obey a husband and that's all Sasuke wants anyway."

Naruto grimaced but he couldn't deny that it was difficult to imagine Sasuke in a relationship with a woman that held any actual emotional depth. Sasuke was, unapologetically, a selfish bastard. "So you're OK?"

"I'm disappointed that it couldn't just work out the way I'd wanted..." Sakura admitted with a far-off look, "but, yes, I'm OK."

Naruto was relieved that things were casual and fine between his two best friends. He folded his arms behind his head and grinned widely.

Sakura leaned back against her counter and looked him over head to toe, basking in the return of his familiar presence, a peaceful smile transforming her face.

"What is it?" Naruto asked sheepishly, noticing her staring.

Sakura shook her head as though waking from a dream. "Nothing, I just missed you," she admitted quietly.

Naruto again felt a pang of guilt for staying away so often. It was in violation of his very nature.

"Your hair got longer," Sakura commented.

Naruto grabbed at a lock that was coming very close to obstructing his eyes and glared at it moodily. "It's a pain," he whined. "I just didn't have time to cut it."

"You should see Kakashi-sensei before you do," Sakura suggested.

"Why?"

"Because you look a lot like your Dad."

Naruto grinned, taking the assessment as a compliment.

"So, how's Hinata?" Sakura asked.

The grin slipped off of Naruto's face like mud.

Sakura narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Naruto protested, feeling caught. After all, he hadn't been picked as the next Hokage for any prevailing skills at subterfuge.

"Then what happened? What did you guys do when you went to see her?" Sakura demanded, throwing a cookie sheet into her sink with unnecessary force (it cracked the backsplash) before placing her hands on hips. No matter what was wrong, she was sure it was somehow his fault.

Naruto scratched his cheek sheepishly. "Er... hehe... I haven't actually gone over there yet." he admitted.

Sakura's green eyes may as well have caught fire, given the way she was looking at him. "Three months!" she screamed, disregarding the neighbors she always mentioned when she told him he was being too loud. "You've been gone three months and you haven't been to see her yet! What the hell are you doing here?"

Naruto held his hands up in surrender. "I just got home, opened the wedding invitation, and came over here," he explained. "I was worried about you!" he added, hoping it would heap points in his favor.

Sakura saw right through it. "You've been avoiding her, Naruto," she growled. "You cannot treat a woman that way. You've been disappearing for months at a time on missions when we all know you don't need to be. Why?"

Naruto blanched at being read so easily. Although he should have been used to it, especially when it came to Sakura who knew him better than anyone else who had survived the war, except for maybe Hinata (she had a loving-stalker leg up when it came to the Study of Naruto). He opened his mouth to feed her a line about getting antsy being cooped up in the village, about missing when he was constantly travelling with Jiraiya, about needing to save money from his missions to give Hinata a good life, or something, anything.

Sakura stared him down. "Don't you dare lie to me."

Naruto just looked at her hopelessly, slack-jawed and devoid.

Sakura pressed two fingers to her temple and looked at him in a disappointed manner. "Even if we are best friends, if you're having problems, you need to talk them out with Hinata, Naruto."

Naruto heard the unsaid words of 'you owe her that much' and 'you're being an idiot.'

"Fine," he relented. "I'm going."

Without further ado, he vanished and Sakura stared around her empty apartment, ignoring the nauseating smell of her medicinal snacks as they cooled. Her roving eyes landed once again on Sasuke's wedding invitation that was so frilly and girly and not-him that it hurt to look at for too long. She recalled that it had been a few days since she dropped in on him.

-.-

"Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" Sakura asked sweetly, staring Sasuke down from across his threshold.

Sasuke glared back at her moodily.

"Yes, yes, you're so tough," Sakura condescended, pushing past him and into his small flat.

Surrendering, Sasuke closed the door behind her and shed his shirt, taking his usual seat at the kitchen table. Without missing a beat, sarcasm giving way to professionalism, Sakura placed her hands on his shoulder, glowing bright green. This was their usual routine. "You're a lot more compliant when I'm being a jerk," Sakura told him, letting him in on the secret of her technique.

"Tsh," Sasuke replied.

Sakura ignored him, all but immune to his prevailing bad attitude. "Naruto got home today," she supplied as her chakra set to work on Sasuke's nerves and muscles in his damaged shoulder and what remained of his upper arm.

"Hn," Sasuke replied noncommittally.

"I didn't say a word, but you're going to ask him, right? To be your best man?" she asked.

Sasuke stared straight across the room. "Yes," he admitted, reminding himself that he didn't need to be so guarded with Sakura. He was just conditioned to it.

She made that giggling noise he remembered from childhood every time he made her happy about anything. "Good," she replied. "He'll be thrilled."

"So he knows about the wedding?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, he got the invitation when he got home this morning and rushed straight over to make sure I hadn't killed myself," Sakura replied cheerily.

Sasuke smirked. That was so Naruto. "So where is he?" he asked, certain Naruto would be breaking down his door next.

Sakura made an annoyed sound. "I sent him to see Hinata," she growled, then flipped her tone. "Do you want me to check your eyes?"

Sasuke swiveled his chair to face her. She pressed her glowing fingers to his temples and he closed his eyes while she prodded about, healing him of a headache while she was at it. "Is he screwing that up now too?"

"Like you're one to talk," Sakura replied.

Sasuke grimaced at her flippant attitude regarding their breakup. Sakura had been very clear: she didn't want to be with him. She thought he was too cold (he admitted that was fair), too entitled (maybe bringing up the resurrection of his clan almost daily hadn't been so romantic), and too much had happened (again, fair). They weren't kids anymore and she resented that he felt obligated to be with her. She had changed; maybe even more than he had.

It was just difficult for him to wrap his mind around sometimes. He'd look into her eyes and he still imagined the starry-eyed twelve-year-old that had adored him, kept his secrets, and tried her best to love him enough to heal all his wounds. He thought he could have loved that silly girl (or, at least, he could have tolerated her for the rest of his life), but his actions had destroyed her instead. Sakura was different now, and he had been the catalyst.

"We're one messed up team, aren't we?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura shrugged, withdrawing her chakra and taking her hands off of his head. "What a thing to say, considering you're engaged."

Sasuke smirked. He appreciated her humor and temper a lot more now that the pressure was off.

Sakura placed her hands on her hips. "You're not so mysterious as you act, Sasuke. Yumi is a good match for you."

"She's boring."

"She's young, fertile, and willing to marry your disgraced butt, so appreciate her more," Sakura countered.

Sasuke made a face at having been called 'disgraced' but he let it drop. Sakura had been a good friend to him, sometimes his only friend given Naruto's mission load, for the past two years he'd been stuck in the village. He'd only been cleared for missions recently and he still wasn't allowed to go too far or take on anything too nefarious. Or fun.

"Why is she marrying me? Normally she'd be arranged to some similarly stationed civilian, right?" Sasuke decided to ask.

Sakura pursed her lips. "There were some personal issues," she confessed evasively. Sakura had met Yumi during an escort mission and had gotten to know her pretty well, which was what had led to the match being made on her suggestion. Sasuke was at least a powerful shinobi and war hero. Civilians didn't care much for the details or events that preceded his involvement; they liked to keep their head's buried. "Her family was afraid she'd run off if they didn't get her settled," she hedged.

"Hn," Sasuke replied. He assumed maybe Yumi had taken a prior lover and the stuffy family had felt she was too soiled for anybody above his station. He didn't particularly care. As Sakura had said, Yumi was young, fertile, and willing to marry him even if there was no love between them. It was a relief to him. He'd only met his intended, Yumi, from the other side of a curtain that always separated them, but he'd received a photo and she was attractive, at least, so he had very little to complain about.

Sakura busied herself with straightening his kitchen up, which he neglected. He tracked her movements silently, noting how relaxed he felt. He'd always thought he'd have to return Sakura's friendship with the relationship she'd been hoping for and he could get a few heirs out of the arrangement while he was at it, but she'd cut him loose as soon as he got serious about trying. She knew he didn't love her and she knew she didn't love him (not that way, she would say).

Sasuke had a feeling that, boring or not, marrying Yumi was the right choice. So much of his life had been spent fighting, he reasoned it would be nice to have a civilian for a wife. Plus, her lack of a bloodline would mean less dilution for his Uchiha genes to contend with.

"Sasuke!" Naruto screamed, breaking down the door.

"What?" Sasuke snapped, standing up and eyeing the destruction that Naruto always came with.

Naruto grinned. "I missed you. Hey, why are you shirtless?" he asked, staring scandalized at Sasuke's bare torso and Sakura standing in his kitchenette, looking utterly comfortable. "What'd I miss?" he asked, immediately drawing incorrect conclusions.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm leaving. See you, guys," she said, departing.

Naruto stared at Sasuke expectantly, wiggling with implications.

Sasuke growled and donned his shirt again. "She was just checking my shoulder, dobe."

Naruto looked crestfallen.

"We broke up," Sasuke elaborated.

Naruto's eyes perked up like he'd only just remembered the wedding invitation, which was highly likely since he was a scatter-brained idiot. "Oh yeah," he said stupidly.

Resisting the urge to yell at him, Sasuke blindsided Naruto by instead saying, "Will you be my best man?"

-.-

Three days later, the resurrected, resuscitated, battle-scarred, and world-famous Team Seven could be found at the entirely devastated Third Training Ground, positively goofing off playing Kill the Clone. A team of ANBU had already dropped by, lured by the destruction, to remind them that Susanoo and Six Paths Sage Mode were not appropriate techniques to use during training. Sakura received a warning for wonton destruction and threatening the life of the future Hokage. Sakura replied by threatening the lives of the entire ANBU team.

When they took a break for lunch, all three flopped on the grass, exhausted, and stared at the clouds drifting past.

"I can't believe you're getting married in two weeks," Naruto said for the hundredth time.

"Yeah," Sasuke replied quietly, "So don't take any missions between now and then."

Naruto flinched with the guilt of having been so absent lately that he was becoming known for it. "What's the big rush anyway?" he asked with a whine.

"Yeah," Sakura chimed in, a vindictive grin spreading across her face. "It's almost as if they think you're a flight risk or something. Like you'll run off and join a ninja terrorist organization before the vows."

Naruto laughed uproariously while Sasuke rolled his eyes, smirking in spite of himself. "Maybe don't throw stones," he suggested wryly. "Men don't want to marry a girl stronger than them; your options are dwindling."

"Damn, guess I never should have given you up," Sakura replied sarcastically.

Naruto chuckled at her expense.

"That reminds me, Sakura, Yumi's mother wants to know if you're bringing a date to the wedding." Sasuke said, hoping it wasn't too touchy of a subject.

"Nah, I'll come alone. You wanted as few shinobi there as possible, right?" Sakura replied casually, not at all concerned. She could have always invited a civilian, but she didn't know any well enough to invite to an out-of-town wedding.

Sasuke supposed it was obvious that Sakura would be so considerate. Even two years on, he was still a hotly debated and generally disliked person amongst shinobi worldwide. They weren't in a hurry to forget his history.

"Are we really the only ninja you invited?" Naruto asked. "What about Kakashi-sensei?"

"The wedding is outside of the village," Sakura reminded him impatiently. "Kakashi-sensei can't leave for something like this."

Naruto groaned. "That's stupid. Will it really be like that?"

Sakura chuckled. "Hey, it's your dream job. That's why Shikamaru and Temari had to have two weddings: one here and one in Suna. Gaara wasn't able to attend the one here either. It's not easy for a Kage to leave for personal business."

Naruto flinched; he had missed both of those weddings. Shikamaru had insisted he didn't care, but Naruto still felt guilty about it. He'd been away on a mission at the time, stranded in a tropical storm halfway around the world.

"Anyway, Naruto, make some more clones for me, will you?" Sakura asked, standing up to stretch.

With that, they were back at it.

-.-

Naruto stood at his bathroom sink, squinting in concentration at his reflection in the filthy mirror, trimming his hair with a kunai blade and arguing with Kurama in his head. It had all begun during Naruto's most recent visit to the Hyuuga compound. Determined to feel the same way Hinata did and to make his relationship work out the way he'd hoped it would, he'd gone over with the intention of having a romantic day in, just talking and taking it easy the way they might if they ever got married and started a proper life together.

Conversation had gone nowhere. Although Hinata was great with the inspirational quotes and supportive statements, she lacked opinions about most things and had about three funny stories, all of which Naruto had already heard and were annoyingly all about stupid things Kiba had done on missions during their youth. She had zero robust ideas about how to improve peace and the life of shinobi, although she had full faith that he'd figure it out. She never had a different opinion than him; she just agreed with everything he said.

After several hours, Kurama had growled in frustration: 'This is so boring.' Naruto felt the familiar restlessness. He wanted to go out. He wanted to run across the rooftops and chat with random shinobi and take on some difficult mission. His extroversion didn't do well in small rooms with stuffy people.

Hinata could sense his agitation. "Is something wrong, Naruto-kun?" she asked. Even her voice was beautiful. Paired with her eyes, face, and body, she was downright enchanting physically.

Obviously, she had a sexy body. Without meaning to, the horrible thought came unbidden: was physical attraction the only appeal she held for him anymore? "Of course not, Hinata!" he hastily said, feeling rude and embarrassed by his own thoughts. He was a healthy young man, after all, but Sakura would surely have smacked him through a wall if she knew what was going through his mind. He flushed guiltily and the sinking feeling in his gut was becoming all too familiar.

Hinata leaned across the room towards him, which offered him a nice view of her cleavage. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked concernedly.

Naruto tried and failed to look away from her amble bosom. "Err... no- I mean yes! Yes, I'm fine." Naruto stammered helplessly.

Hinata gave a shrill 'eep' of embarrassment when she realized where his eyes had wandered. She quickly corrected her posture, clenching her shirt over her chest and avoided his eyes at all cost, her face flooding with color. "Ex-excuse me," she said, mistakenly interpreting his distraction as a criticism of her attire.

After the awkward interaction, she shut down almost completely and any hope of conversation or connection completely died. Naruto fled as soon as he could and returned home, intent on attending to things like cutting his hair just to keep himself distracted.

As he stood in his bathroom, scrunching his toes in embarrassment each time he remembered the awkward interaction with his girlfriend of almost two years, he wondered to himself if maybe their relationship could be improved by having sex.

'Couldn't hurt,' Kurama had chuckled in reply.

Ignoring the fox, Naruto came to the conclusion that it was more fucked up than advisable to have sex to save a relationship that had surely run its course. He'd been home for a whole week and he was already itching to leave again. Unfortunately, Sasuke's impending nuptials anchored him to the village.

'Run its course,' Kurama repeated. 'What do you mean?'

Naruto sighed, staring into his sink. 'I think I should break up with Hinata.'

The fox recoiled in surprise. 'Break up? I thought you were going to marry her! Wasn't she prepared to die for you and all of that rot?'

'Does that mean I'm obligated to marry her?!' Naruto thought angrily, his temper snapping under the weight of all of his guilt and regret. 'If she decides she loves me, that's it? I have to love her back?'

Kurama sat back on his haunches and considered the Jinchuriki slowly. 'It's you humans that make up rules about this kind of thing,' he said critically. 'What do you want to do?'

Naruto trimmed at a final lock of hair and considered his reflection. He supposed his face had matured in subtle ways, but he really hadn't changed much over the years. He scrunched his eyes shut, suddenly feeling drained after the emotional upheaval. 'I don't know what I want to do,' he admitted.

Kurama gave him a piteous look. These types of things were never easy for humans and Naruto struggled more than his previous Jinchuriki had, both of whom had happily wed men they loved and admired by the time they were Naruto's age. The fox decided to give him a nudge in the right direction. 'Then go see Sakura,' he told him. 'She always knows what to do, right?'

Naruto perked up immediately, staring up at the fox adoringly. 'You're right!' he agreed. His spirits immediately lifted when he thought of seeing Sakura. Without hesitating, he headed straight there, once again appearing in her kitchen window.

Two ANBU masks stared back at him, ready to kill at a moment's notice.

"Whoa," he breathed in surprise. The ANBU, upon realizing the intruder was only Naruto, relaxed their posture slightly. Naruto stepped down into the kitchen.

"What's up, Naruto?" Sakura asked from the living room.

Stepping around the island counter, Naruto spotted her kneeling in the living room beside a third ANBU, elbow deep in his abdomen. "Bad time?" Naruto asked, stunned. His stupid relationship problems seemed insignificant as he watched her extract several senbon from the nin's intestines and then begin shoving them back into his body.

"No, not really," Sakura replied casually without looking up, her face covered in sweat and reflecting the green glow from her hands. Naruto realized she was wearing an attractive, silky dress and high heels as she continued, "I mean, I had plans, but they've already been ruined."

One of the two ANBU moved slightly.

Sakura huffed, annoyed with their impatience. "He's going to be fine," she assured the shinobi. "It'll take me a few more minutes to stabilize him, then you can move him."

Both ANBU nodded and backed up a step. Sakura finished the job of removing weapons, repositioning organs, replenishing blood, then finally folded torn flesh back over the entire mess and healed it all back up. "He'll be tender, so be gentle," she told the ANBU sternly, glaring at them as they knelt beside their comrade.

They both nodded, then all three vanished, leaving only a scattering of leaves and a new blood stain on her cream carpet behind. Sakura glared at the mess moodily, thinking of her security deposit. She then apparently got over it as she sighed and turned her full attention on Naruto. "What's up?" she asked happily.

Naruto examined her appearance. She was looking striking in the high heels and short dress, her legs long, slender, and pale. Of course, blood covering her arms up to her biceps was completely the usual. "Why are you all dressed up?" he asked, attempting to sound casual and absolutely not like he was admiring her legs.

"I had a date, but I've definitely missed it now," she explained.

"A date?" Naruto yelped. "With who?"

"Uhm..." she blushed. "I think Ino's cousin, but it may have actually been an Inuzuka, now that I think about it."

Naruto whistled low and gave her a smirk, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Getting around, huh?"

She placed her hands on her hips and pursed her lips, which Naruto realized looked extra glossy. "Ever since I broke things off with Sasuke, I get asked on a lot of dates," she told him, her tone bordering on huffy that he was forcing her to explain the situation.

"So that doesn't mean you have to say yes! You've turned me down for a thousand dates!" Naruto whined, automatically walking over to her and sitting in her recliner as he'd done a hundred times before.

Sakura held up her bloody hands in surrender. "I don't say yes to all of them! This was the first time I agreed to go on one and look what it got me: instant karmic retribution. Fate wants me to shove guts back into body cavities rather than let a man buy me dinner."

Naruto laughed at her expense. "Maybe the ANBU will buy you dinner," he suggested.

Sakura washed her hands at the kitchen sink and laughed with him. "Yeah, right." When she finished washing her hands, she sprinkled a cleaning agent on her carpet and flopped onto the couch in her living room, kicking her legs up and looking at Naruto. "Your hair is back to normal," she commented.

Naruto fluffed it, realizing he felt ten times better since he'd arrived at Sakura's apartment. "Yeah," he agreed. "Should I have kept it long?"

Sakura considered it for a moment. "Nah," she decided. "It was cute that you looked like the Fourth for a minute there, but you're Naruto."

Naruto's heart skipped a beat. Sure, it wasn't the flowery type of acknowledgement Hinata usually showered him with, but Sakura's casual differentiation made him feel warm and happy. Like it was natural to be special to someone.

"Have you seen Gaara lately? His new girlfriend has him combing his hair. It looks ridiculous." Sakura went on conversationally, kicking off her heels as she did so, completely at ease with Naruto (and a fresh blood stain) in her living room.

Naruto chuckled, imagining Gaara's flattened hair.

"Have you eaten yet?" Sakura asked. "I'm going to order takeout from Senyai."

Naruto's stomach responded for him.

Sakura giggled and sat up again. "Same as always for you, then? Si-Ew, extra spicy?"

"Sure!" Naruto chirped happily as Sakura strode back into her kitchen to call the restaurant on her landline. He listened to her and smiled to himself when she ordered him crab angels and extra meat as well.

After placing their order, Sakura flopped back on the couch. "So, how was your mission? How's the Raikage and Bee?"

Naruto launched happily into telling her all about it and the shinobi he'd met with special bloodline limits that were particularly interesting. Partway through his story, Sakura slipped her heels back on and they walked to the restaurant a few blocks away to grab their to-go order. They then hurried back to Sakura's apartment before the food got cold and ate, all while still going over the details of Naruto's mission.

"These bloodline users..." Sakura sighed, helping herself to a crab angel. "It's like three-quarters of the world's problems are caused by their old grudges and jealousy over their abilities."

Naruto sighed, having been over he idea a hundred times before as well. "It's like a generations-long staring match. No one wants to be the first to let bygones be bygones."

"Well, that's because of the history of betrayal. If they give up their hatred and judgements, what will be next? Will others demand to know the secrets of their abilities? Will a different clan attack them as soon as their guard is down? It's like the whole thing with the Hyuuga - once Kumo got their hands on a Byakugan, Konoha was immediately perceived as being in a weaker position." Sakura mused.

Naruto swallowed down a massive mouthful of noodles and nodded solemnly. "It's been over fifteen years, and everyone still brings that up. Other nations are even asking for access to Sasuke's Rinnengan. They don't think it's fair that Konoha has so many powerful shinobi and abilities."

Sakura opened up her box of seaweed salad and thought over what Naruto had told her. "The only way for there to be actual peace would be if more people like you made a sincere effort to understand one another, but asking all of these secretive clans to be more transparent is too optimistic. Even Sasuke wouldn't acquiesce to having his eyes examined. They're worried he'll end up like Madara and Sasuke's worried they'll make their own Madara in turn. It's a vicious cycle."

Naruto groaned and sunk his body deeper into Sakura's recliner. "But what do I do, then?" he whined.

Sakura sighed. "I don't know where to start other than for you to keep doing what you do, Naruto," she said.

Naruto blinked. "Huh?" he asked. "What does that mean?"

Sakura shrugged. "Haven't you noticed? Everywhere you go, you make friends. And as they grow to admire you, they also start to emulate you and listen to your ideas. Look at Gaara, for instance, or even Tsunade-shishou. Changing the entire world for the better is too much for you to do alone, but if you're able to inspire more people, especially the younger generation, then you'll definitely be able to get everyone on the right path."

Naruto considered her words. "Huh." he said. "I never thought about it that way."

She smirked. "That's part of your charm, I'm sure. You're a good balance of clueless, powerful, and well-meaning."

He chuckled, feeling sufficiently praised, and scratched the back of his head. "Wow, thanks Sakura. I really do feel better!"

"Were you feeling down?" she asked, confused.

"Well..." Naruto trailed off, his mind circling back to the events that had led him there.

Sakura gave him her full attention. "What's wrong?"

"I'm thinking about breaking it off with Hinata," Naruto confessed, hoping he wasn't about to be bitch-slapped through a wall for making a monumental mistake.

Sakura blinked at him owlishly before her face was shadowed with sadness. "Why?" she asked, her tone suddenly depressed. "What happened?"

Naruto set his take out container down on her coffee table. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure," Sakura agreed immediately with a feeling that this must be serious if Naruto was willing to pause eating.

"How did you know you were in love with Sasuke?" Naruto asked her.

Sakura stared at him in surprise at the question, then gave it some serious thought before answering. "I don't think I ever was, actually. Not like that. I admired him in the academy, of course, and then between being a girl and my competitive streak with Ino, I also became attracted to him and obsessed with being special to him. When we became a team and began doing missions together and competing against each other, I suppose I was a lot like you: I began to care about him more and more. Add to that the physical attraction, and I called it love without even thinking about it."

Naruto gaped at her openly. "You're telling me that because you admired him and you were attracted to him, you just figured you were in love with him?" he asked in disbelief.

Sakura looked at Naruto from under her eyelashes, feeling guilty and embarrassed as she squirmed in her seat. "I mean, we were just kids. I didn't realize then that there was a difference. You just pointed out a cute boy, declared your love, and that was that!"

"How did you figure out you weren't in love with him?"

She sighed. "Do you remember when we first saw him again after he left? When we were with Sai and Yamato-sensei and Sasuke tried to stab you?" Naruto nodded hastily, hardly believing what he was hearing. "That's when I knew. My heart was breaking for him because he just seemed so broken and like he'd been robbed of every good thing in his life, but I didn't feel like I loved him anymore. I was hurt and angry, but like I'd be for any of my friends or teammates in such bad circumstances."

Naruto opened and shut his mouth several times before words finally came out. "You knew all the way back then?!"

Sakura flinched at his volume. "I kind of just went with it. I'd sunk so much into getting him back to Konoha, I figured we could just figure out the rest afterwards. Not to mention that I was kind of famous for being obsessed with him. I thought, maybe I was wrong and I was just in shock and guarding my heart, but maybe deep down I really did love him. I was wrong. I realized it a hundred thousand times before I could finally admit it to myself, but I don't think I was ever in love with him, I just wanted to be. Even talking about it now, it's obvious I was selfish and stupid."

Naruto, realizing he'd been on the edge of his seat, collapsed back into the chair. "Wow," he breathed.

Sakura flushed. "What does this have to do with you and Hinata? Or are we just digging into my greatest embarrassments for fun?"

Naruto flung his face forward into his hands and gave a loud groan. "I'm the same," he moaned pitifully before daring to meet Sakura's eyes again. "She's great. She's pretty. She loves me. I like her. She's nice. She's got a great body and she is so good at caring about me. But there's nothing else there. When I see her, I'm bored."

It was Sakura's turn to stare at him in shock. "You're bored?" she repeated.

Naruto looked at her hopelessly. "It's so hard to even talk to her. You know me - I'm too loud to be with a quiet person!"

Sakura snorted. "Sorry," she quickly apologized, but a grin twisted her mouth anyway and she tried to repress it immediately. "Jeez, wow, I'm really sorry, I definitely shouldn't laugh."

"Then quit laughing!" Naruto whined.

"It's just-" Sakura began, then she took a deep breath and tried again. "How could you not have figured this out earlier? You've been dating her for two years! What the hell have you been doing this whole time?"

"Uhm..." Naruto replied. "Avoiding her, mostly. Or hoping for sex, I guess."

"Hoping for sex?" Sakura repeated, her voice shaking with rage.

"Hey!" Naruto snapped. "I have a beating heart and a working penis - sex is what I fall back on when I'm bored!"

Sakura literally facepalmed. "I suppose that's fair," she muttered.

"I bet you've thought about it too," Naruto accused in a low voice. "Don't deny it - you must have figured at some point that maybe having sex with Sasuke would make everything work out."

"Oh, gross, Naruto, don't imagine me horny, please," Sakura moaned. "You don't have sex with the person you're dating just because you're bored with every other aspect of them."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I don't love Hinata," Naruto admitted.

"Ugh," Sakura groaned, throwing herself back into the cushions of the couch. "It's just like Sasuke said."

"What'd Sasuke say?" Naruto asked morosely.

"We're one messed up team."

Naruto sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Out of Team Seven, how is it that Sai was the only one able to figure all of this shit out?"

Sakura groaned again. "With a bunch of emotionally-stunted perverts teaching us everything we know, I guess it makes sense that we're total failures at relationships."

-.-

A few days after talking with Sakura, Naruto floated the idea of breaking up with Hinata the day before they were set to depart for Sasuke's wedding, angling that it would be ideal since he'd be out of town for a few days afterwards and could avoid any potential fallout. Sakura was of the opinion that Naruto not being up front with Hinata immediately was doing her a disservice and she expressed this opinion by smacking Naruto so hard, he flew through three buildings in the shopping district, instantly costing her six months' pay in property damage.

After healing Naruto's fractured skull, black eye, broken nose, and dislocated shoulder, she sent him off to the Hyuuga compound where he finally ended things with the gorgeous heiress that no man in his right mind would ever have turned down.

The village was rife with rumor mongering and malicious gossip thereafter, all centered around Team Seven. The common people did what they always did and placed the blame with what they believed to be the easiest target: Sakura. Naruto, dashing hero, couldn't possibly be to blame. And darling Hinata, gentle beauty, could never have lost his affections without the interference of a vicious, recently-single whore to steal him away.

The conclusion everyone came to was this: Obviously, Sasuke had dumped Sakura and Sakura, pathetic, desperate bitch that she was, had seduced the kind-hearted and naïve Naruto and then forced him to break it off with Hinata. Poor Hinata. Poor Naruto. They must have misjudged Sasuke. Sakura was a terrible person and, even worse, a slut. Obviously.

Sakura, banned from missions until after the wedding, sought to work off her angst over the rumors with the only person who would neither judge nor feel bad for her. Sasuke smirked at her from across the Third Training Ground (or, at least, what was left of it). "Yeah," he drawled sarcastically. "You're not bothered by rumors at all."

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek and went at him again, deciding to pour all of her energies into some new techniques she'd developed.

When next they paused, Sasuke reconsidered just how much anger made her stronger (how very Uchiha of her, maybe she would have made a better wife than he'd thought). He grit his teeth and said, "Do that last move again."

Sakura smirked but still replied with her usual insult of, "Fine, poser." Secretly, they both knew that it gratified her when he wanted to copy any of her techniques.

After another twenty minutes or so of Sakura trying to break through Susanoo with brute force (and making good progress, which aggravated Sasuke to no end), Naruto arrived, just as they knew he would, looking excited for anything that didn't involve questions about his sex life.

By the end of the three-way sparring session, Sakura had caused so much damage that a river had been redirected through the training ground as well as two neighboring ones and Naruto had twice almost turned into a frog, having lost concentration when Sasuke trapped him in a Genjutsu specifically designed to disrupt his Sage Mode. The trio collapsed on the ground, exhausted, and stared at the darkening sky, trying to catch their breath.

Sakura turned her head to look at Sasuke and swore quietly.

"What?" he asked.

"Can't have you all banged up for the wedding," she groused and withdrew one of her godawful modified medicinal snacks from her hip pouch and chewed it, no doubt to replenish her energy so she could heal his minor scrapes and cuts, as well as a few deep gouges she and Naruto had managed to inflict.

"How do you stand those?" Naruto asked, making a face just at the smell that wafted over when she opened her pouch.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a baby," she told him. "Besides, I hardly taste anything anymore. I got a little too creative in upping my poison resistance last year."

Sasuke obediently sat up when Sakura did and she set about healing every visible mark on his body. "What, exactly, did that entail?"

Sakura shrugged nonchalantly. "I implanted a device in my mouth that could store and release micro-doses of poisons. After about three months, it did some serious damage to my tongue and the back of my throat, so I had to discontinue it, but it served its purpose."

Sasuke smirked. "And yet people think I'm the crazy one out of the three of us," he muttered sarcastically.

Naruto and Sakura, rather than being impressed by his uncommon good humor, leveled him with blank stares and replied, in unison, "You are."

"Need we remind you of all the fucked up shit you pulled?" Naruto said for good measure.

"Don't forget when he was practicing that awful, maniacal laughter bit," Sakura added ruefully.

"How'd it go again?" Naruto asked. "Ke ke ke ke ke?"

"Mm-mm, it was definitely ku ku ku ku ku," Sakura corrected him. "When he really got into it, it was more like kah-kha-kha-ha-he."

"Oh, yeah," Naruto agreed. "It always sounded like a crow taking a really painful shit."

Sasuke glared at them both for taking digs. "See if I try to cheer you two up again," he groused.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Adorable attempt, but I'm beyond cheering up unless I'm actively destroying something. Like Naruto's relationship, apparently."

"I just can't wait to get out of here," Naruto said, looking forward to leaving for Sasuke's wedding.

"You guys have been stuck here for two weeks," Sasuke deadpanned. "I was locked in here for almost two years."

"Yeah, and it sucks," Sakura said dismissively, finishing her healing and flopping back into the grass like a petulant child.

Naruto snorted in agreement. "This wedding better have an open bar, Sasuke. I'm planning on getting Jiraiya-levels of drunk."

"I'll drink you under the table," Sakura challenged him. "You're not the only one who got an alcoholic sannin."

"It's not a fair fight if you heal your liver every two drinks," Naruto grumbled.

When Sasuke readied himself for bed that night, he wondered when exactly the tables had turned and he had become the one looking after them instead of the other way around. When Sakura retired for the evening, her thoughts were mostly centered around wondering what the hell she should wear to the wedding. As for Naruto, he and Kurama entertained themselves into the wee hours trying to imitate Sasuke's maniacal laughter from the dark days gone by.